Epic Rap Battles Of Equstria

by KoolDude51

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 1675

Just like any rap battle mlp thing just with a little bit of storyline.

(Something I came up with for fun. Don't judge me)

Arguments and fights have broken out lately and peace has been broken, now it looks like Celestia will have to bring back an old tradition where ponies can battle with rhymes to settle problems. It's time to bring back the rap battles….

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-26 21:52:17 UTC

APPLEJACK AND APPLE BLOOM VS FLIM AND FLAM

Apple Bloom and Applejack growled at the massive machine in front of their orchard. They knew who was responsible for this, it was obvious. Flim and Flam. There was rumors going around about those two getting their own back at the Apple Family so that was another give away and their logo of F&F was on the side of the machine. A huge line of ponies were cued up for the cider they are selling.

"Everypony step up and get your self a nice drink!" Said Flim.

"It's better then those inbred Apples, trust us!" Said Flam.

"Who are you callin' inbred?!" Shouted Apple Bloom angrily.

"Oh, brother look who it is!" Said Flim.

"Ah, It's the rednecks!" Said Flam with a grin.

"Hey leave Apple Bloom alone assholes!" Said Applejack.

"Yeah! Leave me alone!" Said Apple Bloom, sticking out her tongue.

"That's it! I have an amazing idea!" Said Flim.

"What is it dear brother?" Asked Flam.

"Let's rap battle those apple freaks at Sugarcube corner!" Said Flim.

"Brilliant idea! They wont be able to beat us!" Said Flam.

"Fine lets go then!" Said Applejack as she walked off to Sugarcube corner, followed by Apple Bloom.

"You and your business is going down" Said Flim and Flam together before they teleported to Sugarcube corner.

Later On...

Applejack and Apple Bloom opened Sugarcube's door and saw Flim and Flam grinning at them.

"Let's do this" Said Flim and Flam.

"Yeah, lets" Said Applejack and Apple Bloom.

DJ PON-3 Grinned as she kicked in the beat.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF EQUSTRIA

FLIM AND FLAM

VS

APPLEJACK AND APPLE BLOOM

BEGIN!

Flim:

This is gonna be easy bro/

Flam:

You got that right, now lets wreck these ho's/

Flim:

You farm ponies need some education/

Flam:

With all the ways be killing your business call it final destination/

Flim:

We make machines that can run you all out of business/

Flam:

We be makin' profits unlike you stupid farm bitches!/

Flim and Flam:

You better beg for forgiveness, not that we have any/

You used to have loads of customers but soon you'll be left with none and us with many!/

Apple Bloom:

Ha, That's a fantasy that ain't gonna happen/

Your as shit in making cider as you are in rappin'/

So go ahead, keep on yappin', so your skull and my hoof and keep on clashin'/

Applejack:

Clamin' we ain't educated yet you can't make good cider/

You really fucked up when you challenged us to a cypher/

Cuz you machine makers, not lyrical fighters/

Applejack and Apple Bloom:

You made a shitty mistake messing with Apple Acres/

Now y'all are gonna meet your maker

Flim and Flam:

Now, now audience who do ya believe/

The retard who made pinkie's cupcakes make us feel green/

And the other one who got bullied by her own cousin, Babs Seed/

Or the educated one's that can make steam machines!/

Applejack and Apple Bloom:

That's comin' from the idiots that made Trixie's career look successful/

Your raps are like your Cider, Resentful/

So when you mess with us you better tread careful/

Cuz we make you fearful

Flim and Flam:

Us scared of you? Stop dreaming/

Bitch, you just got a lyrical beating!/

So if I was you, I'd watch what I was speaking!/

Applejack and Apple Bloom:

Stop sayin' your educated, and were nothing/

All your machines are big, are you compensating for something?

Nah you can't even pleasure Derpy's muffin, so just quit with your bluffing/

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF EQUSTRIA

The Announcement/ TWILIGHT VS RARITY/CELESTIA VS NIGHTMARE MOON

Celestia sighed. There was only one thing she could do. Lately ponies have been fighting over the smallest of things of life, hell even Twilight sparkle has became violent an distant towards her friends. Celestia looked over Canterlot and nodded today would be the day. Ponies would solve their problems lyrically not physically. Just like she and Nightmare Moon did years ago.....

Flashback

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF EQUSTRIA!

PRINCESS CELESTIA

VS

NIGHTMARE MOON

BEGIN!!!

Nightmare Moon:

Well, well look who it is/

It's my pathetic sis/

Finally got the guts to fight/

Too bad she won't survive against my lyrical might/

I'll slay you like I did to the rest of your pitiful army/

You failed to save them because you were tardy/

The final one was slaughtered as you finally appeared/

But don't worry soon you'll see them again once you get massacred by nightmare/

Celestia:

You talk a lot of shit for a split personality/

Call me Discord, cause I'm gonna rip apart your reality/

And trust me, you aren't my sister at all/

If your bodies were separated, I would use your bones to build a new Canterlot wall/

Hey Nightmare, I think it's time for you to wake up and face the truth/

Because we both know that you would make a pathetic excuse/

For a ruler bitch/

Cause your a freak, to be honest I wouldn't be that shocked if you pierced your clit/

Nightmare Moon:

Look at this, princess that talks shit about clits/

Only cause her's has never been pleasured by a dick/

Damn, I didn't now takin' over Equstria could be this easy and quick/

The moon is way ahead of the sun, call it the eclipse/

Celestia:

You think the moons ahead? My sun must've blind ya/

I do admire how ya try ta/

Make me look like a fool but to tell ya the truth your a little loner/

You've done a lot of bad things, so I'll send you to the moon and give you some time to think this stupid decision over/

End Flashback

Those where the days when she was cocky and arrogant. She at times did miss being like that but most the time she was more interested in her little ponies. She got up from her throne, making one of her guards startled.

"What is it Princess?" Asked the pony.

"Silver Spear I want you to get my sister, I wish to discuss something with her" Said Celestia sternly.

The guard nodded and ran off to find Luna so Celestia could tell her the news.

Meanwhile...

Twilight Sparkle had her face shoved against Rarity's, both of them was glaring at one another.

"Listen, Twilight, I maybe your friend and the element of generosity but I WONT give you my best work for free!" Shouted Rarity, clearly angry.

"I'm the princess of friendship, bitch, I can get what I want for the price I want!" Said Twilight with pride and venom in her voice.

"I will not do what you say just because you are the princess of friendship! Fuck off!" Shouted Rarity, pushing Twilight back.

Twilight staggered back, taking her time to get her balance back once she did she glared at Rarity.

"Guards put this bitch in jail for assua-" Twilight was cut off as Celestia's voice came seemingly out of everywhere.

"Attention everypony, I have noticed the violence rising in Equstria lately and now I'm going to stop it. You see there used to be an old tradition where every problem and fight was solved by rapping and now I have brought it back. Once a day two ponies or more can go at one another on the mic. If you live in Canterlot come to the castle to rap battle, in Ponyville go to Sugarcube corner and in the Crystal Empire go to the Stadium where the Equstria games would normally happen, if you aren't in those areas then go to the closet of the three. Thank you for listening"

Twilight froze before a sly grin came on her face. "How about that huh? Tomorrow we will meet up in Sugarcube corner for a rap battle"

"Sounds good to me" Said Rarity smirking. "Bitch" She then violently slammed the door in Twilight's face.

Twilight boiled up with rage and got ready to knock the building down. But then she stopped. "Nah, I'll kick her ass at the battle instead, after all more ponies will be there to see her getting humiliated"

The Next Day

"Where is the bitch?" Asked Twilight angrily as she walked in circles, until Spike stopped her.

"There she is" Said Spike pointing behind her.

"Oh" Said Twilight as Rarity walked in with a grin on her face. "Time to wipe that grin off her face"

"Oh Celestia, this isn't gonna end well" Said Spike, face palming himself.

"You ready bitch?" Asked Rarity.

"You better fucking bet I am" Said Twilight.

The both took the stage. DJ PON-3 started playing the beat and introduced the new contenders.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF EQUSTRIA!!!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

VS

RARITY

BEGIN!

Rarity:

Oh look who we got/

A stupid ass bitch that's never seen a cock/

She spends her life reading books/

She is an expert at magic but can't even cook/

She gets her slave to do all the work for her lazy fat ass/

Messing with me? You one crazy dumb ass/

I'm the definition of beauty bitch/

Nothing you say can even move me bitch/ Yeah!

Twilight:

You call me a dumb ass then say I spend my life reading?/

You make no sense that's why your ass is gonna be beaten/

You spread your legs/

And give head/

But instead/

Of doing that/

I'm staying true with the facts/

You can call me a book worm but I'm still beating your ass at rap/

Rarity:

Girl trust me, you can't compare to me/

My skills is a Rarity/

It's unfair to be/

Kicking your ass so bad you gotta retry your magic degree/

Twilight:

Alright, I've had enough of being nice to you motherfucker, This is where it ends/

You don't deserve to be considered a friend/

To such power, but lets put an end to this lot/

Cuz if your so successful why aren't you known in Canterlot?

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC PONY BATTLES OF EQUSTRIA!!!