"Gummy?"
A soft, high-pitched voice echoed in the darkness. It was sometime after midnight, or so Pinkie Pie assumed. She sat up in bed, unable to sleep.
The tranquility of the nighttime always made the ponies marvel at the quietness of Luna's domain. However, most ponies fell asleep not too long after the night began. One of these ponies that did not was Pinkie Pie. At least for tonight.
"Gummy, are you awake?" Pinkie called out again.
In response came a low rumbling sound.
"Alright, I'll make it quick." Pinkie's dry voice said. Unlike her normal voice, she sounded sad. Let down. Unenthusiastic. It did not seem right for her to be so monotone and quiet.
Sighing, the pink mare continued talking. "I help everypony feel good, Gummy. When I do, I feel good too... But...Sometimes I feel so... empty..." Pinkie paused, thinking.
Moments later she continued speaking. "I have the best of bestest friends in the whole wide world, Gummy... I have everything I've ever wanted, and everything I need... A good life, good family... not too much money, but not not enough bits to get by..." Pinkie cracked a smile, "I have a home, a great gator, and a great job. So why do I feel so... sad?" Pinkie's smile faded.
"I have never been hurt... ever... I don't know what fear really is, or what I should really be upset about..." Pinkie pulled her blankets on her bed closer to her as she spoke, "So if I have everything that makes me happy, why am I so sad? I have no reason to be sad..."
Gummy gurgled.
"I mean... I have not only what I want, but what I need... I have no reason to feel so... empty... when I have everything!" Pinkie's large eyes filled with tears.
"My tummy hurts, and I am so confused! I have no reason at all to feel sad! I never ever have and never will be, it seems like! The ponies that really, truly are hurt are the ones that have no friends and family... the ones with no food, the ones with no home... but here I am, living in middle-class paradise... in Ponyville, Equestria... the new royal city and attraction thanks to my friend Twilight becoming an alicorn... and yet I'm sobbing in tears over nothing at all!" By now, salty tears were running down Pinkie Pie's cheeks.
Sniffling, she said, "I want to know why I feel so sad! I have no problems! In fact, all I have are... are first world problems! Oh, the Hayburger ran out of fries? Aww, I guess I get no fries then! Or, how about... How about my friend's sleepover being canceled? And I have to wait a few days? Huh? Is that going to kill me?!"
Pinkie's mane and tail were noticeably deflated at this point. Her voice became angrier as more tears streamed down her face. "None of my problems will kill me! The things I am afraid of are pointless! A-and why should I be sad anyways?!"
"THIS ISN'T RIGHT!" Pinkie screamed.
Minutes passed by in silence. Surprisingly, she had not woken anypony up.
"Gummy?" Pinkie whispered. She was holding herself in her front hooves. "My... head... hurts... I feel lightheaded..." Still crying, she lay down. "I don't know... I don't know why... Why am I so... So sad? I don't wanna feel empty! I don't wanna feel alone! I don't, I don't I don't!" Openly crying, Pinkie sobbed.
Her heart pounded in her chest. "I don't know why I am so sad... I have no reason to be sad! I wanna be happy! Why can't Pinkie help me like she runs around helping everypony else in Ponyville?!"
Opening her eyes as wide as they could go, Pinkie's high pitched voice crackled as she coughed out, "Nooooo, I'm already here!"
"Then help me!" Pinkie whimpered. Giggling, she replied to herself, "I already am, Pinkie! B-b-but... Why are you laughing at me? I'm Pinkie Pie! I laugh all the time! But not at yourself... Myself... Me... I... Pinkie! But why not? Isn't it important to giggle at the ghosties, the things you're scared of? The fears? The worries?! The pain?! I don't want pain... I don't want anymore pain! I don't like lying to my friends everyday about my depression! I don't wanna be sad anymore!" Pinkie broke down into tears.
"Everypony thinks that I'm the happiest mare in all of Equestria... When really, I'm as sad as the night is dark. But I can't let them know... They'll know I lied to them... To keep them happy..." Sniffling, she pulled the covers over her face.
Pinkie pushed the covers down moments later. "I'm sorry, Gummy... I'm being so... terrible..." she sniffled again, "I-I just...feel confused..." The pink mare sighed. "Now I have a headache..." Pinkie's eyes widened. "Maybe... Maybe I don't belong here, Gummy... Maybe I should just get everything over with! Go away, so that nopony will ever have to deal with anything! I can't keep acting, Gummy, I can't hide this from my friends forever... I can't keep my sadness from them! But no... I'm Pinkie! Pinkie Diane Pie! The happy, joyful, funny, bubbly pony! There's no reason for her to be sad at all!" Her heart pounded heavier.
"Nopony knows who I really am... No one knows how much I cry..." Pinkie said quieter, "Nopony will ever understand... But how could they... When I don't? I don't understand myself!" The sobbing earth pony put her hooves up to her eyes and covered them. "Gummy... Why are you my friend...?"
Gummy waddled up beside Pinkie. Lifting her eyelids, she forced a smile. "Aww... Thanks." Cuddling up next to her reptile friend, she wiped her tears away on a blanket.
"Why am I still crying?" She asked aloud. "Do... you think I have problems, Gummy? I don't want Twilight to give me medicine... or put me in an asylum! Or... or even..."
Gummy nuzzled her.
"That's a relief. Thanks, Gummy." Pinkie smiled softly. A real smile. "I don't get it... why do I, the most joyful pony in all of Equestria, not feel happy all the time? D-do you think that's normal?"
Gummy snuggled up to the mare.
"Because... I want that to be normal. I don't want to be not very normal, you know, Gummy? I wanna be happy... I want to be able to know why I'm sad, too..."
Pinkie paused.
"Maybe... Maybe I am just sad because I think that I can only be happy? Because... All I have in my pampered life are first world problems... Nothing that is really bad... Maybe... Maybe that's why? Because I have no legitimate reason to be...sad?"
Gummy began to snore.
"Alright, Gum-Gum. Goodnight. And thank you for being here with me. It means a lot." Pinkie whispered.
She thought about what just happened. Her psychotic behavior while venting her emotions. Was it really as bad as it seemed?
Then the world went black, and within what seemed like seconds, she awoke again: this time to the blinding light of morning. Another day to make other ponies smile.
Author's Note
This has not been edited. And like I said before, this is based off of personal experiences with anxiety and slight depression. I didn't want to take it too far but I felt the tags were appropriate. Constructive criticism is always a good thing. And, be sure to like and dislike. (If you disliked, please let me know why.) Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. :)
Please see this if you want to know how this relates to me.
