Charlie The Unicorn's Horn Is Made Of Candy
It was a pleasant, peaceful day in the forest, and Charlie the Unicorn was happy to just lie around all day, listening to the sounds of the birds and the breeze. He seemed to have finally lost Lolz and Roffle (better-known as “Pink” and “Blue”), those two annoying unicorns who always bothered him at the least opportune moments.
“Hey, Charlie!” Pink called, walking into Charlie’s clearing with Blue.
Or perhaps not.
Charlie didn’t respond - maybe, just maybe, if he stayed silent and refused to get involved with whatever they wanted him to do, they would leave him alone.
“Charlie!” Blue called.
“Charlie!” Pink repeated. They both began to chant Charlie’s name over and over again, at intervals that were just random enough for no pattern to be discernible.
“What?” Charlie finally replied, deciding that he might as well get this over with.
“Look what we have, Charlie,” Blue said.
“I don’t want to look,” Charlie said.
“It’s a portal to another world, Charlie!” Pink said. And Pink and Blue were indeed carrying a large, round, metal circle, the inside of which appeared to contain absolutely nothing at all – it was a black hole of pure darkness.
"It’s a portal to Equestria, Charlie!” Blue said.
“Equestria!” Pink said.
"I don’t know what that is,” Charlie said.
“Go through the portal, Charlie!” Pink said.
“I don’t want to go through the portal,” Charlie said. “Please take it away.”
“But there are other unicorns there, Charlie!” Blue said.
“Unicorns!” Pink repeated.
“You could see your family, Charlie!” Blue said.
“My…my family?” Charlie said. He hadn’t seen his family since he was barely older than a foal – all that he had were faint memories, which despite his best efforts were growing fainter every day. He didn’t have any way of contacting them, and he didn’t even know for sure where he was originally from. If what they were saying was true, if he could really see his family again…
“Yes, your family, Charlie!” Pink said. But what if this was a trap? Pink and Blue hadn’t exactly been very trustworthy in the past…
“Use the portal, Charlie!” Blue said.
“To see your family, Charlie!” Pink said. “Your unicorn family!” Were his family unicorns? All that he could even remember was that his mother had a horn, but he was sure that he'd recognize her if he saw her...
“Fine, I’ll use the portal,” Charlie said. “To see my family! But this had better not be another one of your…”
Charlie hadn’t even finished the sentence yet, but Pink and Blue had already turned the portal horizontally and dropped it over him before he could change his mind. “Goodbye forever, Charlie!” they said in unison, and began to dismantle the portal.
“…tricks,” Charlie finished, then started to scream upon realizing what was happening. He was falling through a solid black void, with nothing to focus on and nothing to grab onto for support. Could this be the end? He continued to fall for what seemed like forever, flipping head over hooves and flailing his legs in terror throughout the entire ordeal.
Approximately twelve seconds after he had given up hope of ever escaping the void, Charlie could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. But it was coming up fast – too fast!
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash was about to try out the new stunt she’d been working on – a tornado barrel roll. Picking up speed, she zoomed through the air and had just begun to lean into the roll when she thought she saw something in the sky over Ponyville out of the corner of her eye. But when she tried to look at it more directly, the black spot was gone. She hoped that she wasn’t developing any kind of vision problems – she needed awesome vision in order to be the awesome flier that she knew she could be (and already was to a great extent, of course).
By this point, the distraction had lasted too long and Rainbow Dash found herself crashing through the window of Twilight’s library, knocking into Pinkie Pie and causing a huge mess. “Sorry about that…” she said, rubbing the back of her head.
But Rainbow Dash wasn’t the only one who had just experienced a crash-landing. Charlie had been expelled from the portal so quickly that he couldn’t even try to do anything to stop it (not that he could have done anything, anyway). He had crashed through the roof of a building, landing dazed in the middle of what seemed to be a hospital room. At the final moment of impact, the bandages on his horn had given way and it had flown off, rolling into the corner of the room.
“Augh,” Charlie said. Everything felt painful. Nevertheless, he picked himself up – despite the fact that he probably had several broken bones – and limped over to the horn.
Just as he reached it, a small white pony with a Red Cross cutie mark and matching hat rushed into the room. She saw Charlie struggling to put the horn back onto his head, glanced at the hole in the ceiling, and trotted to his side. “Oh, you poor thing,” she said. “What happened?” Even though she had never met him before, she was much more concerned about him than about the damage. Caring for ponies was her special talent, after all!
“I fell out of the sky and my horn came off again,” Charlie said simply. “Is this Equestria?”
Again? Nurse Redheart wondered. But she didn’t ask, instead opting to focus on the issue immediately at hand. “Yes…” she said. “Wait here. I’ll be right back!” Charlie had just finished re-bandaging his horn when she rushed back, pushing a stretcher with her forelegs.
“Please let me take a look at you,” she implored. “You look like you could really use some help.”
“I don’t think my health insurance will cover this,” Charlie said. “And I barely have any money with me. But thanks for the offer.” He tried to limp out the door, but Nurse Redheart hurried over to block the way.
“I insist,” she said. “Don’t worry about the bits. You need to be checked out.”
Charlie reluctantly agreed, and before long, she had given him a complete physical examination, put his broken back right leg in a cast, and even placed some special magical ointment on the broken ends of his horn. “It should be completely healed within a week or two, and you’ll be back to using your magic in no time!” she told him happily. Though, unfortunately, she couldn’t do anything about the missing kidney.
Using magic? Charlie wondered. Now he was the one who was confused. But he was getting anxious to leave and he didn’t want to seem ignorant when she clearly thought that he should know what she was talking about, so he didn’t ask.
“Well, thank you very much,” he said. “That was very kind of you.”
“Don’t mention it,” Nurse Redheart said. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay here overnight?” Now that he was patched up, she wouldn’t insist, but she still thought that it would be the best thing for his health.
“No, I wouldn’t want to impose,” Charlie said.
“Alright…” Nurse Redheart said. “But don’t forget to keep your weight off that leg for a while.”
“Of course,” Charlie said, and turned to leave. “Oh. You wouldn’t happen to know anyone who might be related to me, do you? Last name might be ‘the Unicorn?’” He wasn’t actually sure what his last name was, but that was how he was sometimes addressed, so it seemed at least possible that it was his name.
“No,” Nurse Redheart said, raising an eyebrow. She still wasn’t completely satisfied with her patient’s mental condition, but he didn’t seem to be a danger to himself or anypony else, at least.
“Thanks again,” Charlie said, and finally left. He was getting pretty hungry – maybe there was somewhere nearby where he could get a bite to eat. He had just a few dollars left, but that might buy him something.
And now that he could see where he was, it seemed like a pretty nice little town. Ponies of all different colors were walking happily along, chatting with each other or hurrying to wherever they needed to be. There were unicorns like him (at least Pink and Blue had one thing right), as well as pegasi and seemingly ordinary ponies. He was drawing a few strange looks, though – probably because of his unusual stature compared to the townsponies. He must be over a foot taller than even the tallest of them, so it seemed unlikely that he would find his family among this crowd.
Before long, his wandering had taken him to a small outdoor restaurant. He took a seat at one of the few open tables left, and before long, a very young-looking pony came to take his order. He was surprised that this little orange pegasus filly was even old enough to be working here, but maybe they did things differently in this universe…or whatever it was. “How much for your cheapest meal?” he asked.
“Three bits,” the waitress replied.
Charlie pulled out three dollars and handed it to her. She looked at it for a moment, shrugged, and took it. It clearly wasn’t bits, but the guy looked pretty down on his luck, what with the bandaged horn and the broken leg, and she felt sorry for him.
“I’ll have your hayburger out right away, sir,” she said, then smiled and walked away. Charlie wasn’t sure what a “hayburger” was, but so long as it was edible, it sounded good to him.
He had already waited patiently at his table for a few minutes when some sort of ruckus erupted across the way. A bright pink pony with a big, fluffy mane had started running around and licking the horns of all of the unicorn ponies in the restaurant. They clearly didn’t like this, but she was relentless, moving so quickly that she must have been licking at least one every two or three seconds, getting each one in before the pony in question even had the chance to protest.
Charlie almost got up to leave, but he was still very hungry and he’d already paid for the meal, so he decided that he should just stay. He’d never had his horn licked before, and it couldn’t really be as bad as all of these ponies were making it out to be. Their protests must surely have more to do with embarrassment than actual physical discomfort, and he didn’t know anypony here, anyway.
“Mmm, caramel!” the pony called, and then it was Charlie’s turn to be licked. To his dismay, he found that it was actually a quite uncomfortable sensation after all. It was like a mixture of tickling and tingling, with just a slight hint of pain (though that part may have been due to his own soreness rather than the licking itself).
Why isn’t the restaurant making this pony leave? He wondered. Hoping to save the rest of the patrons from undergoing what he had just experienced, he shouted, “I am not leaving a tip!” But it was in vain – the pony went down the line to all of the rest of the customers, unopposed, before finally leaving.
The restaurant settled back down again once that was all over, and Charlie soon got his hayburger. “Mmm, this is actually pretty good,” he said upon taking a bite. “Maybe I will leave a tip after all.”
Once he was done eating, Charlie asked the waitress the same questions which he had asked Nurse Redheart, hoping that she might know something about his family. She didn’t, but one of the other waitresses had a suggestion. This pony, a white-colored unicorn filly, said, “Well…normally, I’d suggest asking Pinkie Pie, but she’s going kind of crazy today. Why don’t you go see Princess Celestia?”
“That’s a good idea,” a yellow filly with red hair said. “Princess Celestia is really nice, and she knows about all of the subjects of Equestria. If anypony could help you, it would be her!”
“Do you know where I can find this ‘Princess Celestia’?” Charlie asked.
“She lives right up there!” the orange filly who had originally waited on Charlie said, pointing to a castle attached to a mountain in the distance.
“Thank you!” Charlie said, and gave his last dollar to the three fillies to share. They weren’t really sure what to do with it, but they thanked him anyway.
And so Charlie began the long trek up to Canterlot. It took quite a while, especially with his broken leg, but he managed to make it by nightfall. He had been very nervous about meeting royalty, and had almost convinced himself that he wouldn’t even be able to get an audience, but the guards let him right into the castle. The fillies had said that the Princess was ‘really nice,’ and apparently she was quite trusting as well. Or else he just wasn’t seen as a threat.
Either way, he was about to get what he'd hoped for…as soon as the ponies who were currently having an audience with her were done. He didn’t have to wait long before the doors opened and the rude pony from earlier came out, though she seemed much more reserved than she had previously. “Huh, funny to see you here. What was that all about back at the restaurant?” Charlie asked. He was still unhappy about having been licked, but he was never really one to hold a grudge.
“I just wanted to try everypony’s horns to see what flavors they were,” she said. “But I guess I went a little overboard. The Princess says she’ll turn me to stone if I ever lick anypony’s horn without permission again.”
“Oh,” Charlie said, and thought for a minute. “You know, just for curiosity’s sake, what did my horn taste like?”
“Yours? It was just a weird generic sugary taste. It barely even had a flavor,” the pony said. Then she perked up, hopping on all four hooves. “Can I try it again?”
“No,” Charlie said simply.
“Okay,” the pony said, a little disappointed. “I am really sorry for licking it without permission earlier, but I’m going to throw a party for everypony tomorrow to make up for it. You should come!” She pulled an invitation out of her mane and hoofed it over to him.
Charlie was surprised by this, but was happy to hear that unlike Pink and Blue, this pony actually intended to make up for her indiscretions. “Thank you,” Charlie said. “I’d like that. I’m Charlie, by the way.” He held out a hoof.
“Pinkie!” she said, and they shook hooves vigorously.
Just then, the doors opened again and a purple pony with both wings and a horn came out. “Ready to go, Pinkie?” she asked.
“Yep! But you’ve got to meet my new friend Charlie first!” Pinkie said.
“Nice to meet you,” the purple pony said. “Twilight Sparkle.” The two of them shook hooves as well, and then Pinkie and Twilight left.
It was finally Charlie’s turn to see the Princess, but he was a little nervous. Pinkie had said that she had the power to turn ponies to stone. What if she was in a bad mood and felt like turning him to stone? Shaking his head, he put these thoughts aside and prepared to step through the door, ready to ask the Princess his question. His hopes weren’t very high, but if she really could help him to find his family again, that might change everything for him.
But the moment he entered the throne room, all thoughts of asking anything went away. His jaw dropped in shock as he stared at the pony before him, who was looking at him with nearly the same expression. It couldn’t be…it wasn't possible. But it was, and the sight brought all of his old memories rushing back to him at once. He practically felt like a foal again!
"Charlie?" Celestia asked in disbelief, a tear running down her cheek.
“Mom?” Charlie asked tentatively.
The End
