The Land Before Time Crossover That You've Been Waiting For Your Entire Life

"Alright class, we have some new students transferring in today," announced Cheerilee. This got everypony's attention, and the group of rambunctious mini horses instantly quieted down. As she said this, Sarah smashed her way through the door frame, widening it with her bulk, the others close behind.

Cheerilee laughed nervously as the dinosaurs took up most of the space at the front of the room, making her feel a bit claustrophobic. "Please, no more presents, you fat man," she whispered under her breath, terrible memories of Christmases past being dredged up. It was over in a moment, and she was back to introducing the new arrivals.

"These are Sarah, Littlefoot, Spike, Petrie, and Ducky," she announced, using the oxford comma because she has an education. "Starting today they'll be joining us in class."

One of the ponies raised his or her arm, and Cheerilee was quick to point at them. "Yes Pudding Pusher?"

"There's already someone in this town named Spike, won't the audience of retarded bronies get confused if there're two Spikes?" He asked.

Cheerilee couldn't help but think the same thing, but she always liked to look at things positively. It set a good example for the children. "Now now, I'm sure bronies are intelligent enough to differentiate between two separate characters with the same name," she lied through her teeth. Just to clarify, the Spike in the school is the dinosaur one. The other Spike is uneducated because he's basically a slave. Then another pony put its hand in the air, and waved it like it just didn't care.

"Yes, Diamond Tiara?"

"Their names are stupid, and they smell bad, and they're too big to be in the classroom, and they aren't even ponies at all," she listed, bringing up like, a fourth of sixteen good points.

"Be that as it may," Cheerilee said, giving Diamond a glare that could cut diamonds. Haha, just kidding, Cheerilee would never assault a child, "I want you to make them feel welcome."

The group of dinos were watching the exchange with varying levels of confusion. Mostly they wondered how the small horses sat in chairs and raised their horse arms. Dinosaurs sure as hell weren't that flexible. "You know, I didn't want to say anything," started Littlefoot as he pushed his glasses up on his nose, "but if anyone here smells bad, it's you."

The whole class 'Oooooo'd' at such a harsh burn, and Diamond Tiara was fucking miffed. Before the situation could escalate any further, Cheerilee shoo'd them to their seats, which were in the back of class. She'd pulled out some old desks when she heard they'd be getting new students, and while they weren't the prettiest things, they were sturdy and could be used for years to come.

Walking down the row of seats, Sarah knocked everypony out of the way, sending desks and horses flying in all directions like the Juggernaut, bitch. Within seconds, she was at the back of the class, and thoroughly crushed every single desk back there. "What is this? A desk for ants?" she wondered as she stood in a pile of rubble.

"Desks are for idiots anyway," explained Littlefoot who was too cool for desks.

"Yep, yep, yep," agreed Ducky.

Cheerilee's fake smile faltered only for a moment as she watched the new students obliterate several hundred bits worth of school equipment. The school board was never gonna let her live this down, those greedy Jews. "Haha... Well, I guess you guys can stand then." Not for the first time, Cheerilee regretted her career choice, but she had to pay her student loans somehow.

"Alright, class, let's pick up where we left off yesterday," Cheerilee began as she turned to the chalk board, only to come face to face with Spike, who was currently eating all her chalk. Looking over, he'd also apparently eaten all the papers off her desk while she was distracted with the others. She ground her teeth, this close to blowing up. And I mean literally. The magic that ponies use comes from a uranium core in their sternums. By now, our protagonists probably already had cancer from radiation exposure, but that's a story for another day.

Instead of losing her shit, she simply took a few deep breaths. "Alright class, let's have an early recess."

Everypony cheered as they all rushed out the doors to the playground. Following suit, Littlefoot and friends smashed a hole in the wall to get out, leaving a stunned Cheerilee all alone. Her eye twitched as she looked at the damage, and for several seconds, nothing happened. Then she exploded.

"School is kinda lame," said Littlefoot, honestly not understanding why he had to go in the first place. He'd learned everything he needed to know from his grandparents. Like how to eat tree stars, and how to sleep on the ground. The only reason they were here at all was because Berry Punch insisted. Something about getting them out of her hair, which was weird because only one of them at most could fit in her hair at a time.

"You said it, pal. Ponies are weird," Petrie agreed, happy to be out of that stuffy building where he could spread his wings and reveal his impressive wingspan of like four feet.

"Wow, ya'll guys sure was cool, stickin' it ta Diamond Tiara like that," said Applebloom from a few feet away. The group all turned, none having noticed the tiny ponies sneaking up on them.

"Yeah, you were totally RAD," shouted Scooterloop, who's orange FYI. "RAD as in cool, not RAD as in radation."

"Don't you mean, 'Radiation'?" asked Sweetie Belle, actually in character. I'm honestly impressed with myself.

"Shut up your dweeb," said Scooterloop, giving her white, nerdy friend a wedgie in an attempt to look cool in front of the new students. It totally worked, and the group all laughed at Sweetie Belle's expense.

"Wow, you're such a dork," exclaimed Littlefoot.

"Yep, yep, yep," spat Ducky, venom squirting from the hollow points of her fangs and into Sweetie Belle's eyes, temporarily blinding her and likely causing long-term cornea damage.

"Hey, ya'll guys 'n gals wanna be friends?" Applebloom asked with a winning smile, "I rekkin ah noticed none a ya'll have your darn tootin' cutie marks neither!"

The group looked at her in confusion. Then Littlefoot leaned over and whispered in Sarah's ear hole, "That don't sound like no English I never heard, what the heck's it saying."

"Maybe it's possessed," offered Sarah. "Or maybe it's just like Spike." Which is to say retarded.

They shared a glance at Spike who's eyes were each looking in different directions, his face dominated by a shit-eating grin. Likely because he'd eaten tons of shit today. They turned back to Applebloom and smiled their own winning smiles. "Weeee, speeeeak, Eeeeengliiiish," said Littlefoot slowly. "Eeeeenglish."

"Hah, I reckon ah do too, ya' hear?" Applebloom said, smacking her knee and taking a gulp from her jug of moonshine.

"Eeeeeeeenglish, you moooother fuuuuucker," shouted Sarah, who isn't know for her tact.

"Yep, yep, yep," contributed Ducky.

Unfortunately, the rest of this conversation would have to wait for later, as Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon showed up, still pretty miffed about earlier. "I don't know who you weirdos think you are, but around here, I'm in charge. My daddy own this town, so don't think you can get away with calling me names, you smelly reptiles. Now how are you gonna make it up to me?"

Now she'd crossed the fucking line. Littlefoot and crew were peace-loving dinosaurs. They dint want no trouble, but not even they could sit by while some prissy, mammalian grass-guzzler made racial slurs at them.

"I know you didn't call me a 'reptile', you little bitch. That's our word. I'll fuckin' wreck you," shouted Littlefoot angrily as he approached Diamond Tiara, who suddenly looked terrified.

"These c-c-claws aint just for attractin' a m-mate," threatened Petrie as he hovered closer.

"Yep, yep, yep," ducky spat, however she was fresh out of venom, her venom glands as dry and barren as my testicles (cuz I just had a good wank ;).

"Y-you guys better stop, or my dad will hire assassins again!" She threatened, constantly stepping back as the angry dinosaurs slowly closed in on her. Murder in their eyes. Then she was stopped in her tracks as she bumped into something behind her. She turned, only to see Spike looming over her, that retarded smile plastered on his face. She screamed as he began hacking.

Then, like a horrible waterfall, a stream of brown liquid squirted from his mouth, splashing into Diamond's surprised face with all the force of a super soaker. She screamed, but this only served to get some of it in her mouth as he continued to vomit, spitting up crumpled pieces of paper, pebbles, grass, and all manner of other little things he'd eaten on his way to school. His chyme stunk worse than anything the ponies had ever smelled, and everypony in the school yard who had been casually watching the exchange took off to escape the stench.

The geyser of hot, partially-digested garbage spew out for a solid ten seconds, the stream never breaking as Spike voided his entire stomach onto her, power washing her in goo. At first, Diamond simply gagged and held her eyes closed to the assault, but after a few moments, her skin began to burn as she was completely coated in digestive enzymes.

"Oh Celestia, that burns! Aaaaaah," she continued to scream even after Spike had finished. The rest of the dinosaurs had all gathered around, laughing at the display.

"Wow, good one Spike," said Sarah, who was having a sensible chuckle.

"Haha, yeah, that's actually a great idea," announced Littlefoot. He began hacking and, after a moment, a stream of putrid bile frothed out of his mouth and down his chin, dripping onto the screaming pony. Normally a long neck wouldn't be able to vomit, but since Littlefoot is still young, his neck isn't too long. He'd be able to enjoy the comfort of vomiting for a few more years before he, sadly, grew out of it

Before long, the others were following suit, giving Diamond Tiara a fresh coating of enzymes and breakfast. She fell to the ground, writhing as smoke began to waft from her body as her skin melted, and the group couldn't help but laugh heartily together. Within minutes, Diamond had completely melted into a semi-solid pool of goo, taking on a consistency similar to applesauce.

The dinosaurs couldn't help but note that it smelled good, and before any of them could sample the taste, Spike leaned in and lapped up the pool of slop in record time, eating every last drop.

"Wow, Spike, you must've been hungry," said Petrie, who was actually a bit upset he didn't get to try some.

Spike showed no sign that he'd even heard the comment as his eyes simply drifted in opposite directions.

Figuring that school was probably over since everypony had gone home, the group began heading back to Berry's house. "You know," started Littlefoot, "school wasn't all that bad."