Derped Season: 1

by xMistyStarx

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Comedy
Length: 3692

Derpy NEEDS A job, and she needs one now.

A cross-eyed, grey mare needs to keep up with other ponies. After realizing that her job doesn't pay enough, Derpy must do anything to earn money…. ANYTHING. :derpyderp2:

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-30 13:39:33 UTC

Day Off

      "Hey, that's cheating! You have to hit the ball to the third square!"

"Nuh Uh! I did it right, see? Your supposed to bounce it on the next one!"

"No, your both wrong. It goes to the next pony on the second square, like Derpy said." Twilight answered. The cross-eyed mare and rainbow-maned one exchanged glances.

"Oh."

They were playing, or at least, trying to play four square, but of course, the over-genius of Twilight, the ego of Rainbow Dash, and clumsiness of Derpy, got in the way.

    It was a very bright Saturday morning, perfect for some sports. The three had a day off for spring break from their daily jobs, so all agreed to spend the day doing something 'resourceful', which was explained as playing catch...

     Down the road was Scootaloo, coming home from early release, trotting towards the castle, with the book-bag hung over her back. Taking a good look right to left, making sure no carriages were crossing, she continued on to her home.

      After a good ten minutes, the filly reached the castle, knocking on the door.

"Twilight, I'm home! Hello, anypony?" Scootaloo called. The door slowly creaked open, revealing a baby dragon.

"Oh, if your looking for Twilight, she's at town square with Rainbow and Derpy." Spike stated, closing the door slowly. Scootaloo turned back, headed for Town Square.

      "Ugh! What's it take to..... lift a..... GAH!" Rainbow grunted, trying to move a park bench out of her playing field.

"Who... in Equestria would... grr... put a park bench this..... heavy right in the middle... of a... soccer field?" Twilight said, heaving the bench. It would barely even budge. Derpy was arching her back, lifting the bench a few inches over the grass, her back in extreme pain.

"I've never carried packages this heavy before, so....." Derpy said, trailing off as something caught her eye.

      Scootaloo left the Hay Burger and continued her journey to Town Hall Park. She cold see it a little, but just the slightest bit. She hovered over the ground, a few inches, then some more. She then reached a foot, then a few feet. Before she knew it, Scootaloo was literally flying!

    She tried to keep her steady pace, while carrying a heavy book-bag, which was stuffed with books and some Easter treats from her classroom party. Ms. Cherrilee had set up a surprise class party for them, while at recess, then she turned out the lights and surprised them once they came back.

     Scootaloo was about a quarter mile there, for walking atleast. She slowly landed, though she wasn't flying at cloud level, it was just ten feet from the ground, at most. She heard laughter below her, as she neared the ground, almost touching it with the tips of her hooves.

    With her horn, she smacked the ball, sending flying in Derpy's direction. She hit it to Rainbow Dash, who did a side kick with her foreleg. Dodging, Twilight's ear touched the ball lightly, throwing off the angle a little, giving the alicorn a chance to make a goal.

     Suddenly, a pegasus filly trotted right in the middle.

"Hey, can I play?" She asked, looking up at Rainbow Dash, who took a water break.

"Sure, squirt. Just lay down your stuff, okay?" Rainbow said, smiling. Scootaloo nodded, laying her book-bag and lunch bag on a spare bench.

      "Ready, go!" Rainbow shouted, blowing a whistle. She sat on the bench, watching the whole thing. Amused, she stomped her hooves, then took a bite out of her burger. Sighing, she blew it again, seeing Derpy hit the ball out of the field. With her magic, Twilight levitated the ball back into the field, the game starting again.

     After an hour of soccer, they stopped by 'Aurora's Ice cream Parlor' for a treat.

"Ahh, now this is good stuff. I could eat it all day." Rainbow said, laying back in the chair.

"Same here. I wonder how they make it so good..." Twilight replied, tapping her chin. Scootaloo flinched, then narrowed her eyes on the ice cream. She gasped then cried, "THERE'S BLOOD ON IT!" She yelped, grabbing into Twilight, knocking her over, out the chair.

"Scoots, that's strawberry." Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. Scootaloo got back in her chair. She smiled sheepishly. "Hehe, sorry. Hey, did anypony notice it's night yet?" Scootaloo asked, looking at the full moon.

       Twilight brought Scootaloo home, while Rainbow slept at Derpy's place for a sleepover with video games and popcorn. Once they reached home, Twilight went upstairs to notify Spike about some work due next Saturday, and Scootaloo went into her bedroom.

     "Hmm, what now..." Scootaloo asked herself. It was midnight, and she just woke up. She got out of bed, towards Twilight's room.

"Twilight's room.... Hmmm... Where is it? Um, maybe this one?" She asked herself again. She threw open the door, seeing the library, with Twilight sitting in it. Spike lay in a small corner near her, in a little, scaly ball.

     "Twilight, what are you doing here?" Scootaloo asked, seeing the alicorn's muzzle glued into a novel.

"Uh, Twi, you okay? Hello, anypony there?" Then she noticed she was sleeping. Scootaloo nudged her with a hoof. Twilight snorted, jumped up, then eyed the filly.

"Oh, sorry, I was just captured by a good book.... again..." She said, smiling. She stood up, dusting off her legs, fixing her mane.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"That's what I asked you, so.."

"Like I said, I was reading. Derpy just called before I fell asleep, that her job lowered the weekly paycheck, and it's too low for her to live with. I told her I'd find a job she could interview in next week, so she'd have enough time to pay the rent." Twilight said, yawning. Scootaloo tilted her head.

"But how come she couldn't  apply for the Weather team, or even a temporary job at the weather factory like Fluttershy did when she was a filly?" Scootaloo asked.

"Well, Derpy does clearly have a problem with vision, and it's a pain to do such jobs with bad vision. She once tried, but it ended up shutting down on day two..." Twilight stated. Scootaloo shrugged. She stretched her back, then turned around.

"Wait, you haven't told me why you're here!"

"Oh, I can't sleep, so can I pleeeeeeeeeaaaassseee-"

"Yes, fine. But be back before noon tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure." Scootaloo said. She took up her scooter, then blasted off outside. She felt the cold nighttime air beat her feathers like a heartbeat, and the bats that flew past her whistled in her ears. The wheels growled and roared as she forced them on, watching fireflies buzz and flicker. She loved nighttime riding, especially when she was headed somewhere.

     The scooter screeched to a sudden stop. She looked up at the small house before her, as she quietly climbed off. She cantered up the iron steps to the third floor, or at least she thought that's what floor it was on, and knocked at number 15. She pressed her ear at the door, listening and waiting for it to open.

    She heard the sound of laughing and popping of popcorn. It smelled really fresh and buttery. Scootaloo knocked once more, then waited. The door finally opened, a shock coming to the door.

"A-Apple Bloom? Swee-" Her mouth was covered as the white unicorn finally let go.

  "SHHHH, We're on ah mission!" Apple whispered, her eyes darting in all directions. Scootaloo opened her mouth to say something, but then looked in Sweetie's hooves, watching her menacingly hold a pair of nun-chucks. Scootaloo's eyes shrank, and she started to get all sweaty, but then a sound came from a black box in Apple's hooves.

"What's that?" Scootaloo whispered, seeing Sweetie smirk.

"It's a detecting device. We also have cameras set up and stuff." She answered, looking at Apple Bloom and the sweating filly.

"Wait, Twi has some of those at home. Did you two..." Scootaloo stopped, seeing them shake their heads.

"No, Twilight's part a' this, too. An' some other ponies ah could get. Ya know if Derpy looses her job as a mailmare, she looses money, an' can't find another job. That way, Ponyville, and possibly Equestria won't ever have any muffins ever again! We won't get packages, or muffins, or..... anythin' Derpy does cause she owns the muffin bakery! No more muffins!!!" Apple panicked. And too loud.

"Hey, you hear that?" A raspy voice asked.

"Uh, nope! Nuh, uh, no no no, it's you." Another one nervously answered.

"Derpy's in this to- oh, right yeah," Scootaloo said flatly. The box buzzed, showing a knife symbol. Apple pointed to the hallway past the kitchen, as the fillies crawled across. The box buzzed, and red 'X' coming up, and the Crusaders galloped to a dark corner near the bedroom closet.

"What now? We're so busted!" She said. They were in a dark corner at the very end of the house. If anypony decided to go and get something from the bedroom, they'd be caught. The shadow cast over them gave Sweetie Belle an idea.

"I know! Look at your cutie marks!" She said, hopefully. Scootaloo's was for flying and weather, Apple's for... well, Apples, and Sweetie's for singing. All had a shield protecting each one, which meant that they were meant for each other, and they had to work together to get the job done.

     Sweetie  used her magic to levitate them into the guest bedroom, then Apple Bloom used her earth pony strength to bust open the doors. Unfortunately, it made a loud enough noise for Rainbow to hear, which made her rush to the room.

     "SOMEPONY BROKE IN! Bust the door, now!" Rainbow said, getting no reply from Derpy.

"Fine, I'll do it myself!" She kicked the door, a hinge falling out of place. Scootaloo trotted inside the closet, flying up to a shelf with a brown box. She tossed it to Apple Bloom who tried ripping it with her teeth.

"It's no use! Ah can't!" Apple hollered, still trying to rip it open. Sweetie stuck her horn into it then Apple picked her teeth into the hole like an pickaxe. Rainbow started head-butting the door, her skull in bad pain. She kicked it with her hindlegs, then the first hinge popped off.

      The  box finally had a hoof-sized hole, which Scootaloo stuck her hoof in. She listened to the sound of the second hinge shatter, then a small space between the door was open.

"BETTER WATCH OUT, CAUSE I GOT LIMA BEANS!" Rainbow threatened. Apple gasped at that, and with a hoof, she yanked the lever of the window to open it.

     The window was opened as Rainbow took her last kick to burst open the door. Dust and dry paint, followed by  splinters puffed from the fallen door. It was too cloudy to see anything but the window, so the CMC Wrapped themselves in a blanket together, Scootaloo's head showing, then hopped out thw window on a mattress Apple and Sweetie had set outside earlier.

    To Rainbow, who couldn't see in the dust, was a shadow of a tall pony, with a strangly large head that jumped out the window. She fainted on the spot.

Where Rainbows end (Day Off part two)

    Derpy flew out the window, watching Twilight and Rainbow....... wait, WHAT?!

      The CMC stared at each other, brohoofing until Scootaloo frowned.

"What's th' matter, Scoots? Ah thought ya were happy!" Apple asked. Scootaloo shook her head.

"I don't know. I guess it just hurts to do this to Rainbow. She's like.... Awesome! And I went and did this." Scootaloo said sadly, hanging her head. Just then, a yelp came from a familiar voice.

"Wait is that Der- BECEAH!" Scootaloo said, feeling Derpy land on her head.

"Thankies, orange horse. I must go now." She said, her eyes crossing more than usual. She stuck out her tongue then blew a raspberry at a passing firefly.

"Um, dude, you alright? You're no looking so hot.." Scootaloo guessed, seeing Derpy start panicking out of nowhere.

"AHHHH, IM HYPERVENTILATING! HELP ME! FLYING PASTRIES AND BLUE PIGS!" Derpy screamed. Sweetie knocked her in the head real hard, bringing the pegasus back to reality.

"Woah, sorry. I was just panicking about what I just sawwwwwwWAHHHHHH! Oh, sorry, it's just real weird what caught my eye, and I panicked since then. Worst forty-eight seconds of my life." Derpy said, shaking her head.

"I saw two Rainbow Dashes! One outside, but before that I saw the one in the house. I'm real confuzzled!"

"Wait.... you saw TWO Rainbow Dashes? Cool!" Scootaloo said, her tail flicking. Derpy nodded.

"That means one is either an impostor or a Changling! What am I gonna dooooo?!" She yelled, making a sound almost like a howl at the end. Twilight then flew down in front of them, smiling.

"Girls, I heard your conversation, and Rainbow, the real one, found the impostor." She held showed a blue pegasus with cuffs on her hooves, then behind them, came ANOTHER Rainbow Dash.

"Uh, T-TWILIGHT?! Beh-hind y-you....." Sweetie Belle said, her eyes mostly white.

        Twilight giggled at the pegasus behind her, stumbling on her hooves. She had a slightly different cutie mark than the other Rainbow Dash. The one from Equestria...

"Oh, this is the other Rainbow Dash. From the-"

"Place with humans," Scootaloo finished. Twilight smiled at the looks of the other two Crusaders, jaws dropped.

"Correct, and she agreed to help with our little.... 'project'. We need as much help as we can get. I even persuaded Chrysalis to help!" Twilight said. Not long before, about two years ago, Chrysalis reformed, and ended up living in a castle on the end of Canterlot, with changelings protecting Equestria.

   The ponies all split up: Human Rainbow, turned pony ( I will call her Dashie), Equestrian Rainbow Dash, and Twilight. Then Derpy, Fluttershy and Pinkie. Last but not least would be the Crusaders. They slept outside that night, but Dashie wasn't used to sleeping on nature, so she went for a fly.

        She felt great she didn't have to pony-up to be able to fly when in Equestria. She just lifted up in the air whenever she wanted and pow, she was flying! It seemed easy for her, but the Fluttershy back at home would never ever try lifting an inch off the ground.

      Dashie stopped by a tree with homely decorations over it. She wondered who lived there, so she landed there, then knocked at the door. She looked around her surroundings, seeing many sleeping animals, and nocturnal ones flying around. The door creaked open, a teal-colored eye peaking out.

     The sound of gasping came from it, then the next thing Dashie new was that she was pushed into a tight chair in front of a table of teapots. Soon, she relized the colors and the eyes.

"Fluttershy? What are you doing here? How'd you get this house? Is it a tree? Why did yo- MMFH!" Dashie's mouth was covered by the hoof of the yellow pegasus.

      She poured a cup of tea and a sandwich with cheese and lettuce.

"I know that um, where you come from you don't eat daffodils, oats, or hay, so I made this. I was expecting you." She said. Dashie smiled once she realized who this was.

"You're Fluttershy, right- uh from this world, I mean..." She asked, stuffing her face with food. Fluttershy giggled as she sipped her tea.

"Oh, um yes, that's me. You could stay here for the night. Um, if you want to, I mean," She said, shyly.

She instructed Dashie on her job, then gave her good luck as she went upstairs into bed.

Off the Hook.... Or not....

     Derpy felt the warm sun dance around her fur. She stretched her hooves and yawned, then tapped her chin.

"Hmm. Something's missin'. Oh, nooo! Guys, wake up!" Derpy shouted, violently shaking all them up. Twilight was first to wake up. She rubbed one of her eyes, then stared blankly at Derpy.

"Hmm? What's wrong Derpy? Oh...... I see..." Twilight said, waking fully. Rainbow Dash stared around her, then at Scootaloo. She shrugged. Rainbow started to worry.

"Where's Dashie?" She asked. Sticking her head into a bush, she saw Dashie and Fluttershy sound asleep behind it. Rainbow let out a full blow laugh, waking the two sleeping fillies up. Fluttershy jumped out, stretching almost the same way Derpy did.

      Derpy trotted through the neighborhood, looking  for the exit out of the apartment complex. She sometimes got lost, and went backwards, so she decided to fly instead. The others followed behind her, wondering where they were headed. Luckily all were pegasi accept Sweetie and Apple Bloom, and Twilight was an Alicorn. No pony went through the trouble of walking.

    "Mind telling us where we're going? Oh, um, I mean if you want to... um please." Fluttershy asked, flying closer to Derpy. She just smirked. Her hoof pointed towards a forum a couple blocks away, many carriages and ponies passing. Fluttershy squeaked.

     Twilight tried getting a good view of it, but it was too far to see from their distance. Derpy was at front of the 'pony line' since they were flying. And pretty slow, too because Derpy's not the best of flyers. She soon decreased her height slowly, which meant she was landing.

     Scootaloo's wings soon tiered out, so she grasped onto Twilight's hoof, then landed herself earlier than the others. She remembered her book-bag that she left at Derpy's house just until now, but she shrugged it off. They had more important things to do.

    In front of her was a small restaurant, and obviously served muffins. Derpy never went anywhere without one. They walked inside, staring at all the lovely food. Fluttershy made a face and a glumbling was heard.

"Um, can we eat now? Please?" She asked. Fluttershy then waited for their chance for food to be ordered, but she could barely wait another second.

       Everypony finished off their meals, and Derpy was seen getting two plates of muffins and a glass of orange juice. Fluttershy just lay there, the taste of hotcakes still in her mouth. The Crusaders shared a meal of  eggs and cinnamon toast.

    Rainbow paid the bill, the left a tip on the table.

"That..... was good. *URP* I could eat...... *URP* It all day...." Rainbow said, licking her lips. Twilight just shook her head, giggling the slightest. Rainbow gave her a playful look then burped again.

"Soo, uh where do we....... Sweet Celestia...." Fluttershy mumbled.

"What'd ya say, Shy? I couldn't hear you..." Rainbow said. Fluttershy, whose eyes were like egg without yolk, turned and quickly pointed behind Rainbow. Dashie just stood there, frozen in fear. Rainbow turned slowly then she tried screaming "Run for you lives!!!!!!" But it came out like:

   ".........a....ahh..."

        Pinkie Pie was being chased by some kind of changling, but It wasn't though. Like a Changeling mixed with a lion and a dragon. She was screaming and running frantically towards the group.

"RUUUUUUUUNNNN! FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! AHHHHH!" Pinkie screamed, her legs moving faster than a cheetah in mid air. She took a burst of speed then screamed again.

      It was atleast ten feet tall, drooling over the group of ponies below it now. Fluttershy, to afraid to tame something so big, ran for her life along with Pinkie. The Crusaders ran off with Dashie, and Rainbow and Twilight stood there.

    Rainbow flexed her wings then spread her hooves. She took of faster than anything Twilight had seen, and was gone in a flash of magic. Twilight braced her alicorn magic, spreading her wings. The claws of the creature towering over her raised a hoof to crush her.

     Still focusing, Twilight's magic grew stronger as she heard calls from her friends to run. Then in an instant, magic flashed around her, then Twilight was gone. She seemed to be atleast, though she was flying, as fast as Rainbow Dash, and soon caught up with her.

    They were flying around 400 miles per hour, not even the wind being able to catch up. The creature growled in anger, running after the two ponies. Rainbow Dash was seen to be engulfed by a rainbow. It reached her neck and then a cone of air formed around her head.

     Some kind of magic- a bright light, was covering half of Twilight's body making her magic stronger for some reason. Then all of a sudden, a double Rainboom covered the sky as the two landed, creating a huge explosion in the ground.

     "Thank goodness it's all over! If I watched anymore, I would have popped!"

"Pinkie, please, um this is not a very good time to... be Pinkie."

"That's not important! I hope Rainbow's okay! What could happen if we lost her?"

"Or Twilight. Ah couldn't live with mah self if I knew those two were done gone cause we only cared bout' are selves. That's a mighty close call, if ah do say so mah self."

"Apple's right. I just hope that they're all right. Should we call Rarity? She's got to first aid!"

"Uh, I guess so, but I hope other me is fine, cause I'd be totally freaked out."

"Ugh, same here."

    Twilight slowly opened her eyes, then nudged Rainbow Dash's shoulder. Her wing was more than damaged. Maybe broken. Her hooves were bruised and her mane was even more out of place than usual. Her tail had lost a LOT of hair, and the back of Rainbow's neck was terribly bruised.

   Fluttershy put an ice pack on Rainbow's head, and she jolted upright. She groaned and rubbed her neck, feeling her throat hurt. Scootaloo then smiled at the two woken ponies and hugged them both. She then lay on the blanket they were on and fell asleep.

      Their surroundings, though: A moist forest with wild animals and rivers filled with piranhas and lobsters. The trees so tall, that you could barely see the top and long vines swishing.