Dimensional Highway

by Obedience

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 3086

Some human wakes up and becomes Princess Celestia.

Most humans who travel to Equestria go through some weird portal or something. But in my story, the cake is not a lie. I've never even watched My Little Pony. How did I end up as a Princess co-ruler of a magical pony country!? And why do I suddenly like cake so much? Mmmm… cake…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cover Image by: DylanPwnzNoobz

Yeah. I've noticed a few other stories with a similar theme. Looks like I wasn't the first one to think of putting humans into pony bodies. But I would like to say one thing. THIS STORY'S CONCEPT IS NOT IN ANY WAY STOLEN. I just had to make that clear. So please do not post accusing comments or you will be sent to the moon.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-24 18:33:43 UTC

Realisation

Dimensional Highway

Chapter 1: Realisation

Written By: DylanPwnzNoobz

~~~~~

I was awoken. Awoken by something. A sound? A voice? What was it? What happened? Ugh. Where is this place? Why am I here?

Last night... what happened last night? This place... it's a bedroom? I don't remember being here at all. And what's with these fancy decorations all over the room? It looks like some fairy tale princess's room. My head hurts really bad. Maybe there is something useful in that dressing table.

I walked over to the dressing table. Seriously, this is every little girls' dream home. The table itself is shinier than its mirror. Hold on. MIRROR?! WHAT IS THAT THING?!

~~~

Uhhh... my head hurts even more than before. What happened earlier? What was that in the mirror? I sure am asking a lot of questions today. Where am I again? I think I should open my eyes now.

Well, I opened my eyes. I am still in this girly bedroom. That's seemed normal so far. Not exactly normal. There are many questions left unan-- ahhhh!!!

"SISTER! THOU ART AWAKE?!"

"Damn you! Why are you shouting in my ear?!" I replied.

Wait, when did I have a sister?

"Oh, I am so sorry sister. I saw that you were lying on the floor and I rested you on your bed. And then you started moving so I got a little excited."

I turned my head to face the side of the bed but I saw that THING again! Well, its not exactly the same. The colour and size is different. Still, its THAT THING! I quickly moved my body to the other side of the bed, trying to stay away from It.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU?!" I shouted. In case the capital letters aren't a good enough sign of the volume and tone of my voice at the time.

"Huh? Don't you remember me? I'm Luna. Your sister?" it said.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU?!"

Luna stared at me. Though she looked like a cartoon character, the expression on her face was clearly saying, "Seriously, dude? Are you okay?"

"Umm... I'm a... pony?"

"Ponies can't talk."

"Well, you're talking now. What the hay has gotten into you? And I thought I was the one gone for 1000 years."

"Wait, WHAT?!" I looked down at myself. And sure enough, I was a pony. I had four legs and a tail. I also felt like there was something at the sides of my body. Wings!? I got out of the bed and ran to the mirror. A horn?! I looked at my face.

"W-who am I?"

The 'pony' stared at me for awhile before answering.

"You're my sister, Celestia. Did you bump your head or something?"

"WHAT? Since when did I have a ridiculous name like that?"

"... Since Mother named you?"

"I could've sworn my mom named me... what is my name?"

"Oh, wow. Nice name."

"You don't have to be so sarcastic, you know. Anyway, I'm not a pony. Before this morning that is."

"I think you must have hit your head really bad."

"I did not hit my head! Or did I? I can't remember! All I know is that I am... human."

That was the only thing I could recall. I was a human. Unfortunately, nothing else would come back to me. I hate amnesia.

~~~

"Hew-mern? Oh! I think I read a book about them. It was written by Lyra Heartstrings, that mare who sits weird."  said Luna.

"I liked it better when I had only two legs. I miss my arms too."

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. But I'm telling you, I'm a human! I'm not a pony! I AM HEEEWWMAAN!!!"

"Don't just shout in my ear! I can hear you fine!"

"Sorry. I'm still shaken up by... being turned into a pony. Still can't believe it. So, Celestia, what should I do now?"

"Umm... you're Celestia. I'm Luna. And you're a Princess and co-ruler of Equestria. That means that you probably should be doing your royal duty right now."

"Royal duty?"

I hate responsibilities.

"Well, you don't seem to remember anything at all. So, I'll just tell you what you usually do everyday. You raise the sun at 12:00 am and set it at around 6:30-ish. And while waiting, you get to do whatever you want. Sometimes, you have to go out and make it look like you're doing work. That's what a princess's job sounds like when put bluntly."

"So, I get to do anything I want right now?"

"No. You have to go out and make it look like you're working."

"Okay. I don't want to be a princess anymore. Please, I know you hate your sister and used some weird magic to replace her with me, but I really want to go home now. I have a life back on Earth!"  I said with my best puppy dog eyes. Even if these weren't my eyes.

"Wait, Earth?" Luna asked. She ran out of the room. But that look on her face... its almost as if she knew what I was talking about.

~~~

Curious

Dimensional Highway

Chapter 2: Curious

Written By: DylanPwnzNoobz

~~~~~

The sound of Luna's running hooves faded away in the distance. My head still hurt. But, damn you, curiosity! You got the better of me again. But, sorry, I'm not a cat. Surely a peek around the place wouldn't hurt?

I stuck my head out the open doorway. Then again, it really wasn't my head was it? I looked around the hallway. There were doors to other rooms. There were little golden plates on each door that said things like "Princess Luna" or "Bathroom".

~~~

I walked around the place for a bit despite my difficulty with having four legs and found myself in a large spectacular room. It was beautifully decorated and had that feel... that kind of... how should I put it? Let's just say it looked very... 'royal'. In the middle sat a large throne. It looked very comfortable too. I was about to try sitting on it before SLAM! A white pony wearing ridiculous-looking golden armour smashed himself through the large wooden doors.

"HOLD IT!" He shouted.

"AH! I'm sorry I touched the throne!"

The white stallion ran up to the throne, examined it very carefully before brushing of a tiny little speck of dust.

"You may sit down now, Your Majesty."

I stared at him blankly. What just happened?

"What?" I said.

"I, ummm... its my duty to make no dirt, no matter how small, would get into Your Majesty's royal coat, Your... Majesty." He replied, looking very nervous.

I looked down at him and he quickly dropped down to the floor and started begging me.

"Please don't send me to the moon, Your Highness. I am but a poor miserable guard!"

Send him to the moon? Was he serious? Where did these ponies get such a idea? Why would I want them on the moon? Space exploration? Colonization of extraterrestrial worlds?

"Uh, okay. I won't send you to the moon. *troll face* But on one condition."

He looked up at me with big puppy dog eyes.

"You can forget about that 'no dirt on Your Majesty's coat' thing. I can take care of my own coat. Deal?"

"THANK YOU, YOUR HIGHNESS!" He got up and scurried back through the huge open doorway.

"I wonder where Luna is right now?"

~~~

Earth? She said she was from Earth? The zebra was right all along? What was that rhyme again? From Earth it would come, and unrest it would... rain? No, that doesn't rhyme. Whether it rhymes or not, I have to ask Miss Zecora more about this.

I ran to the balcony and let my wings carry me through the air. It felt so relaxing to fly in the cool mountain sky of Canterlot. But there is no time to enjoy the breeze, or destruction would be released! I'm getting better at this whole rhyming thing, aren't I?

The Everfree Forest... ungoverned by Equestrian laws. In every sense of the word, in fact. I wonder why Miss Zecora would even choose to live in a place like that? You'd think it was for the flowers and herbs, but she actually buys them from the florists in Ponyville.

Interaction

Dimensional Highway

Chapter 3: Interaction

Written By: DylanPwnzNoobz

~~~~~

It's difficult to fly into the Everfree Forest. I landed at the entrance to the forest. It looked pretty dark inside despite the sun's rays. Nevertheless, I needed information. More than 1000 years ago, my sister and I used to live here. So much has changed. Our former home is now surrounded by this overgrown garden. Now that I think about it, we used to grow Poison Joke flowers in our garden...

But past is past. There are more pressing matters in the present. Where is my sister? What is this human doing here in Equestria?

~~~~~

"COFFEEEEEE!!! NEED. COFFEE!!!"

"Woah, dude. Is it really THAT addictive?"

The guard reached for the coffee bag and began chewing it.

"Ok... your'e starting to creep me out."

This is what happens when you feed a pony coffee. Since I'm a unicorn pegasus pony thing and all, why not use some magic to whip up some nice coffee? You may be thinking, "How the buck does Celestia use magic when she's still new?" Excuse my language. When did I start speaking pony? Anyway, I found this book in the royal library. So I took a seat on the royal throne. I hated the royal tea so I thought I could use a royal spell from the royal book to get a royal cup of royal coffee. Then a royal guard got curious and ask what my royal tea cup was filled with. That was my biggest royal mistake.

Wanna know what my second biggest royal mistake was? Well, my "sister" told me to look like I was working right? So I thought I should call some random pony to the castle for a chat. And I got the most random pony you could ever randomly get. *facehoof*

~~~~~

"Hiyah Princess!" greeted the pink mare.

"Ohai. Where are you from?"

*Long gasp* (Pinkie Pie)

"You've... forgotten... me?"

"I don't believe we've... met?" Uh oh. Should I know this pony?

She stared at me with huge eyes that said only one word: disappointment.

...this is awkwa-

"Oh well! I'm Pinkie Pie! Nice to meet you again, Princess!" she exclaimed.

Ahhh! Why did she have to say that so... so... suddenly? This is a strange one. Stranger than the rest.

"Uh... yeah... nice to meet you too."

"Didn't you want to talk to me? Why are you wearing that frown? What are you drinking? Is it oatmeal? Are you crazy?! Oh my Celestia! I just shouted at the Princess! Wait. I'm not supposed to be say that! It wasn't in the script! Omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh omigosh!!! Oh no! That was Rainbow Dash's line! This script is soo confu--"

"Stop it! My brain can't process what your'e saying if you talk that fast! And, what script?"

Pinkie Pie just smiled at me.

"You know, the script! The piece of paper with everything we say, silly billy!"

"Silly whatnow? The only thought that came to my mind when you said that was Michael Jackson's Billie Jean."

"Michael who?"

"That sounds like Doctor Who."

"Doctor Whooves?"

"No. It's 'WHO' not... wait! I can remember?"

The hyperactive pink mare looked at me in confusion. She's actually standing still for a change.

"Hey! I just got this crazy idea!" I knew the peace wouldn't last long. "What if we're all in a story and somepony is reading us right now? And what if they are also in a story and is being read about reading our story? Wait. They are! I just said it so that means that they are reading about themselves reading themselves! And what if..."

"Yo dawg. I'm trying to think here!"

That was strange. I could remember Doctor Who and Michael Jackson. Eeyup. I'm definitely human. Or... was human. But still... why can't I remember the most important thing of all? Who was I?

Meet The Gaben

Dimensional Highway

Chapter 5:

Written By: BronyLULZ

(Old Name)

~~~~~

"Miss Zecora?" I called as I knocked on the door on the zebra's hut. I still don't know why the residents of Ponyville were so afraid of her. Hmph. Racists...

*Sound of opening door*

"Princess of the night, you have come. Is there a deed to be done?" said the striped figure inside the hut.

"That... wasn't a very good rhyme. It sounded as if I was, what? Looking for a hitmare?" I responded.

"My utmost apologies. Would you like to come inside, Your Majesty?" she offered.

I agreed and walked inside the hut. A black cauldron sat in the middle of the room filled with a strange boiling green liquid. Large masks of some unknown faraway tribe decorated the walls. Colourful potions lined the shelves. Some were even hung from the ceiling!

I told her about Celestia, the humans and all that had happened earlier.

"Humans have been long exiled from this land. But, the reason for their ban?" spoke Zecora, "9000 years before, there was only one door... that led between the two worlds, of the two mammals. But the habits of those evils lords, gave birth to the creature known as Discord. Your mother banished the humans, to a place in a different dimension. A place called Earth, and Equestria was filled with mirth."

"But why is there a human here now? And why does it live in my sister's body?" I asked.

The zebra pulled a book from a stuffed bookshelf. Holding it in her mouth, he passed it to me. I lifted the book with magic, using a special energy-saving trick to conserve mental strength for more advanced spells..

"The Dangers of The Number After Two? By Gabe Newell?" I read out loud, feeling confused.

"Open the book and take a look."

Humans and ponies used to live together 9000 years ago when I was still a foolish child having dreams of becoming the third three among the two trees in my backyard. I was so obese- I mean, obsessed with the number three. But now, in the form of a wise 52-year old man I will avoid that cursed number at any cost, even if I have to sacrifice Half-Life 3.

Humans and ponies alike, wait for Half-Life 3 to be released, to reopen the portal between our worlds. The portal was closed by powerful corrupt magic centered around three humans burning three cut pony tails with three matches while reenacting Gordon Freeman's conversation with the G-man. Only the number three can neutralize their evil spell. Only the third Half-Life game can do it. But the magic of Half-Life 3 would be too great, too powerful to contain and could destroy my secret stash of burgers and candy. The risk is too large and I cannot take it. It's for the good of everyone that my stash stays intact.

But alas, I made a very huge mistake. A small amount of the magic to reopen the portal had been leaked when Portal 2 was released with obsolete Half-Life 2: Episode 3 files. Who knows what disaster could occur?!

Nah, probably nothing much. The worst case scenario would be the mind one of my henchme- ahem, employees being transferred into the body of a magically adept pony, putting the affected pony's own consciousness to sleep until the intruder leaves through some means that only a VALVe CEO would know.

I looked up from the book to Zecora.

"Who is this Gabe Newell?"

All of a sudden, a thunderous... thunder was heard, erupting through the room with a bright flash of light accompanying it. A hole appeared in one of the walls. It was magical, the edge of the oval-shaped hole in the wall was like a blue flame. Through it, a strange-looking being stepped into the room. It had only two legs and had two arms with strange appendages at the end (for some reason Lyra Heartstrings had always been obsessed with those. What were they? Hands?). The overall shape of the creature was rather round, and on its face there was no long snout, it was relatively flat with two eyes, a nose, a mouth and two eyebrows being the main features. I had never seen anything like it. The creature was wearing a cap on its head that read "Mann. Co.".

"Hi, my name is Gabe Newell and hopefully it would have been worth the weight- I mean, wait."

The Fourth Wall Requires Strengthening!

Dimensional Highway

Chapter 3: The Fourth Wall Requires Strengthening!

Written By: DylanPwnzNoobz

~~~~~

"Hey! I just got this crazy idea! What if we're all in a story and somepony is reading us right now? And what if they are also in a story and is being read about reading our story? Wait. They are! I just said it so that means that they are reading about themselves reading themselves! And what if..."

"Yo dawg. I'm trying to think here!"

Pinkie's endless fast talk continued.

"And then I said, 'Oatmeal?! Are you crazy?!' and then my friends looked at me and were all like 'What?' and then w--"

"Weren't you talking about story paradoxes? And some script thing? How'd you get to oatmeal?" I said. I hoped she could detect the obvious traces of annoyance in my voice. Okay, it wasn't MY voice but you get the point.

"I was just reading the script, sillie bean!"

"First of all, I'm not **Billie *J*ean. That's a song. Second, what script?"

"Oh, you just break the fourth wall and everything you need to know is there!"

You know, I can't believe what I'm about to say.

"You know, I can't believe what I'm about to say, but, how do you break the fourth wall?"

There, I just asked the more ridiculous question known to mankind. I don't know about ponykind though. But I still got the most ridiculous answer.

"You just talk to the camera, silly billy jeanie! Or, since we're in a story now, just talk to the readers!"

That answer was so ridiculous that it worked. That's why I'm talking to you now. I'm breaking the fourth wall right now. Yes. Right now. Now. Noooww. Believe it.

And deal with it. *Puts on shades*

~~~~~