Friendship is Garbage

by Dirty Bit

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2401

"CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!"

"Life in Equestria can be zetta boring. That's why Yours Truly decided to grace this radian-filled wasteland with my presence! Some Old Horses Can Always Hear Their Owners Approach. That's right! I own all of these annoying hectopascals! If only they'd stop badgering me about all that friendship stuff."

"These ponies are so zetta slow!"

MLP: FiM is copyright of Hasbro
TWEWY is copyright of Square-Enix

Published 2016-03-31 00:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-31 00:20:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Chapter 1
CRUNCH!

Ponyville was a peaceful place for anypony that lived there. It was often the go-to town for a quiet life, save for a few erratic occurrences that take their course for a brief moment. Throughout their lives, many residents of Ponyville have even grown used to said occurrences and go with the flow of things, knowing that they're bound to end sooner or later. Such a happening was currently being ignored by the townsfolk, save for a select few.

What would easily be considered to many as a large mess was taking up space around town square next to the fountain, making up of a massive collection of random junk found around Ponyville, sitting in a towering pile. For those that have beheld the sight with more interest, merely gawked at it before making themselves scarce. The ones who chose to stay were not too pleased with its existence.

"Oh...my..." Fluttershy stared up at the foreign spectacle that laid in the middle of Ponyville. She never thought that anything out of place would be created instantaneously.

"Wowee! I never think he'd make one that high!" Pinkie Pie chirped while standing next to Fluttershy on her left side, staring up at the pile herself "You think he'd make a bigger one?"

"Umm..." Fluttershy said as her eyes remained locked on the pile of junk in front of her "I don't think that would sit well with everypony else..."

"Indeed." Rarity voiced herself with displeasure as she stood next to Fluttershy on her right "It's one thing to act so rude among us, but must he really be so messy?" She grimaced at the random trinkets that made up the eyesore that plagued Ponyville.

"Not t' mention crazy." Applejack chimed as she pointed a hoof at the pile, spotting some kitchenware at the base "He's jus' hoardin' all o' this like he's some kinda dragon! This has gotta stop!"

"Tell me about it." Rainbow Dash replied with a frown "He's kind of making it hard on everypony else, too." She looked over at Twilight, who held a look of disappointment on her face "I know we've took him in as a friend and all, but you think that maybe you could try and talk some sense into him?"

"It's gonna be tough, considering it's the same old song and dance." Twilight replied in an irritated tone before she flapped her wings and hovered up into the air "But regardless, he has to learn some manners if he's gonna stay with us."

She flew upward to the top of the pile, where an enigmatic, tan, and bipedal creature sat atop it as if it were a throne. There were what appeared to be whiskers seen on his cheeks, a silver necklace, and a blackened left claw that did not match his right, which was adorned with some bracelets.

Having no trace of hair on his body except on his head, his appearance was akin to that of a delinquent; a red bandanna resting under his black hat; a short-sleeved black coat with a belt hanging on the left side of his waist; ripped grey jeans; threatening black boots. Twilight was not too thrilled upon seeing the snarky grin plastered on his face.

"Look, I know this comes off as a hobby for you, but you've been doing this ever since you've stayed here in Ponyville." Twilight chastised "Don't you think it's time to kick some of your old habits and actually learn about friendship for once?" The creature let off a scoff, the grin refusing to leave his face before he spread his arms.

"Where's your beauty? So zetta slow!"

"All I'm saying is, you just need to tone this hoarding nonsense down a bit. You're causing a disturbance around Ponyville, and everypony passing your..." Twilight briefly scanned the pile being sat on and back at the creature "art, as you keep calling it, needs to end. You weren't just sent here to annoy others, you know." She finished, to which the creature crossed his arms and shook his head with his eyes closed.

"Stupid zeroes." He replied as he hopped off of his pile with a chuckle, landing on his feet next to Twilight's friends with his back facing them. He rose up and looked behind at the others as his grin widened "You all just don't appreciate the message I'm trying to convey with my work. Maybe if you did your homework more, you'd grasp at least one measly fraction of my vision!" He quipped as he began to stroll off, only to be stopped by a prismatic blur, followed by a pair of narrowed magenta eyes boring into his gaze.

"Listen, buster. We all know your story. You should be down on your knees kissing our flanks since we were kind enough to give you a chance to start over!" Rainbow Dash snapped in an attempt to look intimidating. From behind him, Fluttershy approached in a more calm and kind demeanor.

"Oh, please, Mr. Sho, won't you at least treat us as if we were your friends? We're only trying to do what's best for you by showing you our way of life." Fluttershy asked nicely, looking up at Sho with pleading eyes.

"Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally!" Sho instantly shot back distancing himself from both pegasi "In case you've forgotten, while you yoctograms have your way of life, I have my own." He turned around and faced them, pointing a finger at all of the ponies "Your opinions are garbage!" He then slammed his blackened fist into his other hand "CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!" Sho then saw fit to walk away from the group, leaving Twilight to groan as she planted a forehoof to her face.

"And there it is. At this rate, we'll be lucky if we even get him to cooperate once in a while." Twilight said in a tired tone.

"Maybe he just needs more time? Discord went through the same phase, hasn't he?" Fluttershy said, looking at her friends.

"You're kidding right?" Rainbow Dash asked "This isn't Discord we're dealing with; this is if Twilight and Discord had a baby!" She noticed how Twilight perked up and shot a glare towards her, making her grin sheepishly and blush in embarrassment upon what she had said.

"Unnecessary analogy aside, we'll just have to try harder. Unlike Discord, he's not really seeking us out to give us a hard time, but rather distancing himself." Twilight stated "Any ideas to try and make Sho see things from our point of view?"

"Well, seeing as how he fancies himself an artist, perhaps we can broaden his horizons and convince him to pursue styles other than cobbling junk into a grotesque pile?" Rarity offered as she, Applejack, and Pinkie gathered with the others.

"That might work. Then again, ya think he'd use his fancy mathematics to be some kinda teacher at th' school?" Applejack asked "He's been spoutin' that junk since we met 'im, so it could be up his alley."

"Before we can do any of that, it's up to us to make sure that Sho can actually change for the better." Twilight said before sighing "I knew Princess Celestia said this would be tough, but this was nothing like when Fluttershy reformed Discord..."

"Why was he even here to begin with?" Rainbow Dash asked "Princess Celestia hasn't given us a straight answer yet, and that guy's just ticking me off with each passing minute!"

"He was really nice at his welcome party." Pinkie said with a smile "And he gets along well with Discord at least, and he's our friend..." She paused before her smile disappeared "...sorta...Is he our friend?"

"Of course he is." Fluttershy said "He is reformed, after all."

"Compared to that jerk, Discord might just be the lesser of two evils for me." Rainbow Dash spat before looking at Sho's image nearly vanishing into town "I'm gonna go keep an eye on him. I'll let you know if anything comes up." She said before zipping after Sho.

"Ah am with Dash on this'un." Applejack said as she rubbed her chin "Why is Mr. Minimami-err...Sho even here with us? I doubt th' princesses even know 'im!"

"Maybe she's got friends in high places." Pinkie chirped "Like, maybe she's friends with space aliens, but she hasn't told anypony yet because she might cause a panic!"

"We probably shouldn't overthink this and pay attention to the matter at hoof." Rarity said, turning her head to Twilight "Wouldn't you agree, darling?"

"Yeah. We can get our answers the next time we visit Canterlot, but we'll have to keep monitoring Sho until then, as taxing as it is for us." Twilight said bitterly before she trotted off, her friends following "Let's just catch up with Rainbow and see if she's handling Sho properly."
_____

"Why! Won't! You! Hold! STILL!?"

Rainbow Dash was in a frenzy, constantly punching at the air around her after snapping earlier. After catching up with Sho, she saw fit to assert her dominance as his supervisor/mentor, only to be constantly mocked by him and be met with all sorts of mathematic junk that she barely cared about, even if she considered herself an egghead at one point. After hearing his latest sentence, which consisted of an equation that equaled zero, the cyan pegasus had enough.

All she wanted to do was slap Sho silly, only to find him hard to hit for some reason. Whenever she thought she had him, the mathematician's image only faded in the air and the real one had ended up behind her. What made it worse for her were his constant quips that gradually pushed her to the edge.

"So zetta slow!"

"You're outta your vector!"

"Zetta slow!"

"Sine!"

"Cosine!"

"Tangent!"

Each and every word that came out of Sho's mouth only succeeded in making Rainbow Dash bellow in anger and double her efforts, only to be met with the same results, albeit at a faster pace. Eventually, she relented, panting as she descended to the ground. She noticed Sho's boots appear in her vision while her head was hung down.

"What the factor was that? And you called yourself the fastest flier of this place?" Sho pointed a finger down at Rainbow Dash with a condescending grin "You and your radian friends need to remember that you can't touch me! Do the math!"

"Sh-...Shut up..." Rainbow Dash strained to say while catching her breath.

"No comments from the peanut gallery." Sho said before looking up at the sky "I will admit, this world of yours is zetta colorful; even better where I came from." He looked back down at Rainbow Dash with a chuckle "But you must be a brain-dead binomial to think you can just control me like this. I never agreed to your little group hugs and picnics."

"Sho!"

The mathemetician hummed in question when he noticed the other five ponies he ditched earlier approach him, one of which not looking too happy.

"What's going on here?" Twilight asked authoratively, to which Sho shrugged nonchalantly.

"Oh, pardon me, Sparks, I was busy enjoying a stroll and your fractal of a friend decided to show up and boss me around. She's all tuckered out now, so there's no trouble here." He responded sarcastically.

"It's Sparkle; Twilight Sparkle." The alicorn stated authoratively "Did you hurt Rainbow Dash?" Sho merely scoffed at Twilight's question.

"FOIL; First, outer, inner, last!" Sho smirked at Twilight "What part of 'she's all tuckered out' did you miss? She subtracted all of her energy trying to iterate me, and she failed miserably. I did nothing to stop her." He looked down at Rainbow Dash hovering up and shooting a dirty glare at Sho, though she kept silent. Twilight took a deep breath.

"Look, Sho. I don't want to come off as rotten, nor do my friends, but you need to clean up your act while you're here. Is it too much to ask for you to show a little restraint?" Twilight pleaded, hoping for understanding.

"I can think of a decillion better ways to spend my time than by restraining myself." Sho instantly replied.

"Can you name one?" Pinkie asked with a smile.

"Actually, yes." Sho responded calmly. He distanced himself once again from the six ponies and pulled out a megaphone with his black hand, speaking into it while pointing his free hand at the ponies "Attention, all tasteless tetrahedra! Right now, I, Sho Minamimoto, would like to spend some quality time with myself away from the likes of you! Feel free to follow if you're confident (and smart) enough to keep up with me!" After he finished, he walked off once again, leaving the six ponies to think to themselves.

"We've been through all sorts o' trouble in th' past: Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis, and King Sombra." Applejack said as she looked at Twilight with a raised eyebrow "Ya think we got this one, sugarcube?"

"If there's anything we've learned from our past adventures, it's that none of them were ever easy to begin with." Twilight took another deep breath before she mustered a gaze of determination towards her friends "Even though we don't know much about Sho, save for what Princess Celestia had told us, I'm certain we'll perservere if we try hard enough."

"Yeah!" Pinkie chimed in "And since he likes math so much, you have the biggest chance of making him our friend, Twilight!"

"Umm...I don't think that would give us an edge in this whole thing, Pinkie." Fluttershy muttered.

"Not with that attitude! We got this!" Pinkie Pie declared vigorously.

"She's right." Twilight said as she shared Pinkie's smile "It'll be tough, but I know we can reform Sho and make him the friendliest...thing in Equestria!" She said proudly despite her pause.

"...Did he even tell us what he was?" Rainbow Dash asked.

So zetta slow!

Author's Note

This fic idea is garbage! CRUNCH! I'll add it to the heap!

In all seriousness, though, I've had this idea for so long, but I didn't know how to go along with it after my chapter explaining how exactly he came to be in Equestria. It's the one after this chapter that I haven't made yet :derpytongue2:

Happy Early April Fools! ~~Don't care that it's the end of March~~ :trollestia: