Soarin leaned back against the wall, waiting for his ‘assistant’ to come back as he stared at the ceiling. It was never supposed to get like this, no matter what he had thought of before. His fantasies were only ever supposed to be fantasies. Tonight though, he had made a mistake. A glance to the track and field equipment only made him scowl, and he felt his fingers curl into a fist. Calm down. If you don’t, she’ll notice and then-
“Mr. Skies, what’s wrong?”
He tried to not open his eyes, keeping them shut from the reality he knew was beside him. Everytime he looked, Soarin wanted, and they were so close to done, so close to being apart, that he didn’t want to risk it. That hope shattered as he felt her tender arms wrap and his, and her body came ever closer. The stink of her sweat, and softness of her young body was all he knew now, and his eyes shot open in panic.
Beside him, Scootaloo was looking up, smiling at him as she held his arm. Her purple eyes shined under the fluorescents, and he found himself wishing even harder that the rest of his stupid track team had not left so early, leaving her and him to spend so many long hours together. It simply wasn’t fair, especially not with the touch of water at the edge of her eyes that refused to go. Normally a hallmark of the type of woman he would be glad to find, tonight, it was a haunting reminder of his past, and who he really was.
Still, he had to put on an act, and slowly, making sure with every movement he showed no signs of weakness, reached around and pet her head, just like he had done a hundred times as she took times at practice. “No, nothing’s wrong, Scoots. Just tired, that’s all.”
Scootaloo stepped back, smiling as she lifted up a cup of steaming coffee. He had sent her away to get it, and he found himself not moving again. How long would it be before he had her getting his cigarettes, or trying to convince her to casually drink with him too? Her words pierced his ears like knives as she said, “Straight black coffee for the best guy in the world.”
Soarin took the cup and took a long, slow sip. It was scalding hot, just the way he liked it, and he could see brown spots on her shirt. She must have ran to get it to him, and it would have hurt to have the liquid touch her while she was unprepared. And yet, she just kept smiling. It took everything he had not to crush the cup that instant. “I’m not the best, I promise.”
Scootaloo shook her head as she walked away from him. His eyes, as they had a hundred times, flicked down to take that small, ripening rear, but tonight, they obeyed his heart, not his mind, and stayed there. When she was full grown, men would fall to their knees to get a chance at it, but for now, she could only attract old perverts like him, and get ignored by her idols. Why couldn’t you have just said yes to her Rainbow? Why?
Scootaloo began moving one of the last few hurdles into place as he finally stepped away from the wall. “You shouldn’t be so modest, teach. You try so hard to help everyone in class, run two different sports teams, and I just know that if I had decided to go home, you would have still put up all this, nnf, stupid equipment up yourself.” She let out a deep breath as stepped back from the obstacle that came up to her chest, and looked at him while crossing one of her legs. Soarin's heart almost shattered as he wild, purple hair covered one eye, and she said, “Besides, if I had gone home, I know I would have been alone, and you made sure I wasn’t.”
He couldn’t stop the shakes now. She was so innocent that he doubted what she was practically begging him to do. It would be wonderful to do it even, to see her put all of her trust into him, just so he can enjoy something he really shouldn’t not as he was. Maybe if he was how he was back in baseball, bright eyed and clean, than he could be with her, but not as this reject of a man. “Scoots…”
Scootaloo stepped over, and put her hands on his chest, which was level with her head. “Speaking of being lonely, I was hoping that maybe we didn’t have to separate just yet.”
Soarin just wanted her to shut up, as every word caused his body to tremble more, and make his need grow for the little mare. She didn’t though, not as she nuzzled into his chest, her small arms coming around his lithe body. “Neither one of us has had dinner, and you don’t seem like the type to cook. Sweetie has been showing me how to though, and I would love to make you something to say thank you.”
His heart felt like it was being ripped into a million pieces as he heard the word love, and barely managed not to fall to his knees. Instead, he slowly lowered himself, and put his hands to the side of her head. He needed to say no. Soarin knew to say yes to this would ruin her life, just as he had ruined his, and he couldn’t let that happen.
“We could even watch a movie afterwards, snuggle on the couch, and, um... “ Scootaloo’s cheeks turned a deep crimson as she looked into his eyes. “M-maybe ki-”
Soarin knew what he did was wrong, but at the same time, her soft, pure lips against his were the final key. His heart knew the truth now as he held her ever closer. He truly did love the girl he held in his arms. He would throw down his life for her, but that was the exact reason why when they parted, he whispered, “No.”
Scootaloo’s eyes widened as she heard the word, and he felt a tear roll down his face as she had looked so happy a second ago. The pain of rejection had left her, only to come barreling back now. Tears came down the side of her face as she tried to reach for him, but he stepped away too quickly. She reached out towards him, and sobbed out a choked, “Why?”
He looked at her, before turning around. “Because I’m scum, and I’m not about to hurt you more than you think a person can be. You’ll get over this, but if I gave in, you would never recover from the horror that is me.”
He could envision Scootaloo’s balled fists, and he grit his teeth against his want to comfort her as she screamed at him. “How do you know that? What if what we had together would have been great? It would have been better than anything Rainbow is going to give me!”
Soarin focused on the last line, trying not to focus on the rest. The rest only would have led him to go back on his decision. “Scootaloo, I’ve made up my mind, and nothing you say or do will change it, alright? I… I,” he turned around, one fist in front of him as he stomped forward, forcing Scootaloo to scramble back, or be trampled. Looking into her eyes, she saw the fear he needed her to feel, even as it felt like a spear through his stomach. “I will hurt you if that’s what it takes to get you the fuck away from me!”
Scootaloo was silent as he stood over her, his fist shaking in front of her eyes, before she turned away, and began running to the door. He could hear her sobs, and pulled out the pack of cigarettes he always kept in his pockets. It’s for the best, man. You don’t deserve her, and she deserves at least a chance to be happy.
He was about midway through his cigarette when he heard her voice barely make it across the room. “Can I get another kiss?”
Soarin turned around now, and saw her leaned over the door, only half of her showing, and she cowered behind it slightly as their eyes met. She didn’t run away again though. “I-it doesn’t have to be right now, but, just, maybe another time, when we’re all alone?”
Just say no, Soarin. You’re free so long as you say- “Yes.” He stepped towards the entrance. “They’ll… they’ll be like a secret form of me petting you, if that’s what you want.”
She stepped out from behind the door, and held her hands up in a small heart as he saw another tear came down her cheek. “Th-thank you, for everything tonight.” She then put one of her feet behind the other, and shook her head. “I’ll leave you be now, if you want me to, sir.”
Soarin made sure to slowly nod, before letting his head hang downwards. The sound of her shoes running down the hall made him know of his failure, but also his triumph, no matter how small. He took the cigarette out of his mouth, and sighed, before throwing it, and the rest of his pack, in the trash. For some reason, tonight, they just didn’t taste as good, not anymore.
Author's Note
Inspired by this song.
