The Robot Chicken Nerd dreams of My Little Pony

by HiddenMac

Rating: mature
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sex, Main 6
Length: 3618

The Nerd wants to make new friends. Where better to learn about The Magic of Friendship than Equestria?

When his only friend abandons him after a run in with the local bully, the Robot Chicken Nerd wishes he had friends like those from his comics and television. In his dream, he travels to the Magical Land of Equestria to learn about the Magic of Friendship from his favorite ponies.

WARNING! may contain: Violence, chaos, treason, implied rape, cannon fire, dry humping, threats of dismemberment, alien invasion, Angel Bunny, homosexual accusations, obnoxious Apple Family talk, tiny nets, skid-marks, abandonment, slapping royalty, Munson, angry mobs, farm work, shame, and a Nerd who just doesn't know when to shut up.

Published 2016-04-03 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-03 04:50:01 UTC

That would be sooooo cooooooll!

Author's Note

More of a Robot Chicken story, read it as if you were watching that show. It moves very fast, like the show. Was going to write this earlier but I saw RC was doing a MLP sketch themselves and wanted to make sure they weren't too similar.

That would be sooooo cooooooll!

Any actual names or likenesses of celebrities are used in a fictitious and parodic manner

The bell rang, ending another dreadful day at school. Walking out the front doors, The Nerd was making his way home while conversing with his seemingly only friend Daniel. Like himself, Daniel was considered a nerd and the fact that he insisted on calling himself "Gyro-Robo" didn't help. If they were to be outcasts, at least they had each other. The Nerd was thankful that he had at least one true friend.

"Hey man, did you see Courtney today? She was looking sweeeet!" Gyro-Robo exclaimed.

"I know right! I was at like, at half mast, no wait, three-quarters mast all day!" The Nerd added, pointing at the flagpole as if to explain the metaphor.

"Dude, that was terrible," Gyro-Robo rebuked, shaking his head. Suddenly, a large figure leaped out of the bushes.

"Munsooooon!"

Indeed it was Munson, screaming his own name as he tried to startle the nerds. He doesn't remember why or how it started, but he always enjoyed terrorizing nerds and these two stereotypes were his favorite targets.

"Get OUT of here Munson!" Gyro-Robo always yelled in a feeble attempt to escape, but to no avail. Munson had his arms firmly around both nerds' necks and squeezed their faces into his sweaty armpits.

"Uh-oh... looks like you two turd-burglars forgot what day it is," Munson dragged both nerds toward the flagpole. "IIIIIIt's Munson Daaay! Time to fly the colors!"

Munson may have been stronger, but he is absolutely as dumb as a stump. He never planned on how he was going to attach two nerds at the same time. While futilely trying to contemplate this, Gyro-Robo managed to break free and make his escape. Upon seeing this, The Nerd renewed his hope that they could both escape this unharmed.

"Go get help, buddy!" he shouted, fully expecting his dearest friend to save the day.

"Sorry dude, every man for himself!" with that, Gyro-Robo fled and escaped his tormentor this day.

With all hopes of salvation crushed, The Nerd resigned himself to his fate. Munson grabbed hold of his underwear and yanked it to give him an atomic wedgie. Then, he attached it onto the rope of the flagpole and pulled until The Nerd started to slowly ascend to the top. Once at the top, Munson took a step back to appreciate his accomplishment.

"You've just been Munsoned!" Proud of his work, Munson started to strut away, but not without adding a quick "I banged your mom!"

Hanging by his tighty-whities at the top of the flagpole was humiliating enough, but what really depressed The Nerd was the fact that his only friend abandoned him in his time of need. What was the point of friendship if they weren't going to remain loyal when you needed them the most? All of his heroes from comics and television had friends and allies that remained loyal until the end, yet in real life everyone seems only interested in themselves.

"Man, I wish friends in real life acted the way they do on television. I wish I had friends like they do in Equestria. That would be so cool!" folding his hands together then resting his head on them, The Nerd yawned as he felt his Narcolepsy kick in. "Sooooo coooooooooooollll........"

With that, he fell asleep.......still hanging by his underwear..........at the top of the flagpole.

The Nerd slowly started to awaken. It took a while for his eyes to adjust to the new scenery. Getting to his feet, he noticed how everything was bright, pastel, and cartoon-like. Then it finally hit him.

"Oh my God! I'm in EQUESTRIA!!!! THERE'S RARITY'S BOUTIQUE!!! THERE'S SUGAR CUBE CORNER!!! AND THERE'S.... A BUNCH OF BACKGROUND PONIES!!! HI!!!" he waved, but the background ponies just seem to stand there unaware of him. He looked down to observe himself. "Gee, I thought I'd be a pony too, but I'm still human. Oh well, this is still awesome! Now let's go make some friends!"

Before he could take a step, he felt an impact on his legs. Looking down to see the cause, he found a magic-mint colored unicorn hugging his legs as tightly as she could. She looked back up at this human with a huge grin as if she had been waiting to see a human all her life and now she finally got the chance.

"Well that was easy!" The Nerd exclaimed. "What's your name? I hope the rest of you are just as friendly, my little pony."

He started to snicker at his wordplay, but before she could respond, her expression changed from glee to sheer terror as an ominous shadow appeared over The Nerd. As quickly as she appeared, she fled from this new horror. Turning to see what could scare her so much, The Nerd bumped into something MASSIVE. This object was so big that it knocked The Nerd to the ground with hardly a flinch. Looking up, The Nerd saw a giant white unicorn. But this unicorn was no pony; it was a full unicorn horse. He then recognized The Unicorn as his Unicorn friend with whom he had already had adventures. The one where he got the Unicorn's magical mayonnaise was one of the more....memorable ones. The Unicorn had a scowl as he leaned in face to face with The Nerd.

"You didn't think you could have a magical equine adventure and not invite your favorite Unicorn along, DID YOU?!!!

"O-o-o-of course not..." The Nerd tried to explain. "I'm glad you're here...uh, buddy...old pal," he smiled his biggest grin to try to sell the fib.

"That's what I thought!" huffed The Unicorn. "Now, where are we and why the hell are we here?"

A lavender unicorn pony trotted her way up to the new guests with a tiny dragon beside her. The first thing the newcomers noticed was that this unicorn had...wings! As she approached, she extended her greetings.

"Welcome to Ponyville! My name is Twili-"

"HOLY HELL! YOU CAN TALK!!!" exclaimed The Giant Unicorn.

"Uh, yeah..... and so can you," retorted the baby dragon.

The Giant Unicorn met that reply with a glare of contempt. A pink pony instantly appeared and joined in the conversation.

"If they can talk, I bet they can PARTY!!!" She then grabbed a cannon from out of nowhere and fired it. Streamers and confetti flew out and landed all over the new visitors. The Unicorn turned his gaze to The Nerd as if to say are you serious? All The Nerd could do was to grin again as there was no way to justify Pinkie.

"As I was saying," Twilight chimed back in. "My name is Twilight Spa-"

"How'd you get wings?" The Unicorn interrupted again.

"I'm sorry?"

"The wings, where'd you get them?" he repeated.

"Uh, I earned them" Twilight replied.

"I want wings!"

"Sorry, you have to be an Alicorn."

"I can make up words too," The Unicorn grew frustrated. "Are you going to give me wings or not?!"

"No, you have to earn th-"

"Listen sister, either you give me wings or I'm taking yours!"

"Hey!" Spike stepped in. He liked proving himself a heroic dragon by defending his friends. "Nopony talks to Princess Twilight that way!"

The Unicorn had enough. He grabbed Spike and stuffed him into the party cannon. Swiveling the cannon, he aimed it at the horizon and fired. Everyone watching saw Spike fly out and disappear into the distant hills with a barely audible plop.

"I'm no pony!"

"I'm sure he's okay..." The Nerd finally broke the awkward silence. "This is a cartoon....and...yeah, I think it's time we leave." The Nerd immediately fled with The Unicorn closely behind. Twilight's eyes started to glow white as a magical aura enveloped her. Pinkie's hair straightened and she had a psychotic look about her. Finally, the background ponies grew into a mob complete with torches and pitchforks as they all chased the new interlopers.

The Nerd stopped running. He bent over and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. His Unicorn friend also took a moment to gasp for air as they celebrated their escape.

"Man, for having four legs it was sure easy to escape them." He took a moment to survey his surroundings. He could see a farmhouse, a barn, and rows and rows of apple trees. The realization finally hit him as he recognized to where they had fled.

"Oh, wow! We're at Sweet Apple Acres!"

Turning his attention toward the barn, he spotted an orange pony pulling a small wagon making her way out toward them with a dog along side of her.

"Oh, hey Applejack!" he waved enthusiastically.

"Uh, howdy," she replied, unsure of the newcomers. "What can ah do fer ya?"

"You need any help today? Maybe we can do something fun like Apple Bucking, stopping a herd of stampeding cattle, or destroy a barn only to raise it again!" The Nerd enthusiastically waited for her reply. What awesome adventures would she be having today?

"Nope," she quickly snuffed out his enthusiasm. "T'day ah'm weedin', fertilizin' and gettin' rid of pests from the vegetables in the south field."

"Awww," The Nerd moaned disappointingly. "I was hoping to do some Apple Bucking or at least something fun and apple related."

"Well, harvest is still months away and this is a farm after all," Applejack was tired of ponies -or whatever this thing is- only offering to help during Apple Bucking season. "we got plenty o' work to do 'n the mean tahm. If ya really want t' work in the Apple field, ya can help Big Macintosh. He'll be pulling th' water tanks irrigatin' th' east orchard t'day." With that she walked off, setting out to do her chores for the day.

"Big Macintosh?" questioned The Unicorn.

A larger red pony started making his way out of the barn pulling a massive water tank that seemed much to heavy for a pony to haul.

"R-r-r-r-r-r-eally!" grunted The Unicorn. The Nerd didn't like that tone as he'd heard it before. The Unicorn made his way over to Big Mac, unhooked him from his machine and put his front leg around Big Mac's neck.

"Big Mac, huh? Let's just put that name to the test, shall we?"

Big Mac had a confused look as The Unicorn led him back into the barn. Just before the door closed, Big Mac leaped back out with a horrified look on his face.

"NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOOOOOOOOOPE!" he screamed as he was caught in mid air and fell to the ground. He dug his hooves into the soil as he desperately tried to escape, only to be pulled back in, leaving scrape marks along the ground. Finally the door closed with an audible click as The Nerd found himself alone and silent yet again. Well, not totally alone. The dog was still there panting and staring at him.

"Stupid dog!" he unjustly scolded after being ditched again.

Fortunately, The Nerd wasn't alone for long. Three little fillies appeared and started running circles around him.

"Hey, it's the Cutie Mark Crusaders! What are you adorable little scamps up to today?" he asked with renewed enthusiasm.

"We're Cutie Mark Crusader Creature Catchers!" answered the yellow one with a bow in her mane.

"And we're going to catch you, creature!" added the white one with a squeak in her voice.

"Cutie Mark Crusader Creature Catchers?" The Nerd asked himself. "Oh wait, this must be an older episode."

"Episode?" asked the yellow one.

"Never mind. So why are you catching creatures?"

"To get our Cutie Marks and show Rainbow Dash how awesome we are" the orange one replied.

"Scootaloo, not everythin' is about Rainbow Dash" the yellow one argued.

"C'mon Apple Bloom, even the creature thinks Rainbow Dash is awesome. Look!" she pointed to The Nerd.

Indeed, The Nerd was clapping his hands, kicking his legs to the side, and spinning around at the mention of his favorite, most awesome pony.

"Oh boy! Rainbow Dash! Can we see her now? I'll let you catch me! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!" he exclaimed, unable to control his excitement.

"Settle down there fella," Apple Bloom requested "Ah s'pose so. Sweetie Belle, get the net."

Sweetie Belle grabbed a net and flung it on the creature. Perfect hit! The net landed right on The Nerd's head! The only problem was that the net was tiny and barely made it to the creature's shoulders. Sweetie Belle grinned with an embarrassing squee.

"Guess we should have gotten a bigger net," she said apologetically.

"No no, it's fine. Look!" The Nerd acted as if he was struggling. "See, the tiny net was sure fire! It's a net and it's tiny!"

"Well then," Scootaloo cheered. "Let's go show Rainbow Dash!"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CREATURE CATCHERS! YAY!" they all screamed in unison.

Back at the clubhouse, they all waited for Rainbow Dash with barely contained excitement. Would this be the day they finally get their cutie marks? Would The Nerd finally get to meet his favorite pony? Fortunately, they did not have to wait long as the cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane flew in through the window.

"Never fear! Your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here!" she announced her entrance.

Scootaloo tried to answer first. "Rainbow Dash! Look! We caught a creat-"

"OH MY GOD! IT'S RAINBOW DASH!" The Nerd interrupted.

"I take it you're a fan....... uh, whatever you are," she replied, still unsure of what this abomination was. "So, how did you hear about how awesome I am?"

"I AM, LIKE, YOUR BIGGEST FAN!" he couldn't contain it any more, he let out all his excitement. "I HAVE ALL YOUR TOYS, PLUSHIES, AND MERCHANDISE! IS YOUR MANE REAL?! CAN I PET YOU?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I'VE CLOPPED TO YOU!!!"

Horrified, Rainbow Dash took a sidestep to increase the distance between them.

"Ooookay.....girls, I think it's time we leave," she urged the Crusaders away.

"Oh, I get it," The Nerd tried to laugh it off. "I forgot you're a raging, man hating lesbian."

"WHAT?!" She snapped back. "I'm not a-"

"Oh, come on. You don't have to hide it from me. The tomboy look, the super competitiveness, the fact that ALL you friends are female and you've shown ZERO interest in any stallions. I mean, come on, your image is a rainbow for God's sake! Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with you hanging around my little sister," he explained looking at the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Rainbow's temper got the best of her. She turned around and, as hard as she could, kicked the annoying creature right in the stomach. The force was so great that The Nerd flew back and broke right through the wall of the clubhouse, falling with a loud thump on the ground below.

Come on girls," Rainbow huffed. "We're leaving!"

With that, The Nerd found himself alone yet again. In the land of friendship, he was having a most difficult time making any friends. In fact, he only seemed to be making more enemies.

Princess Celestia stepped forward. Another year, another boring Grand Galloping Gala. She liked it when Twilight and her friends showed up and made things interesting. And now, with Discord expected to attend again, maybe this year would be the best one yet! She looked off to her left to see a massive white unicorn she had never seen before. Who is he? Was he invited? He's bigger than I am, maybe he's the ONE? She had to go speak with him.

"My, what a big handsome unicorn you are! What's your name?" She asked seductively.

The Unicorn quickly spun around.

"BACK OFF, SWEETHEART! THIS STALLION IS SPOKEN FOR!" The Unicorn said forcefully while still holding Big Mac around the neck. Mac's eyes were uncharacteristically wide open conveying a feeling of trauma and shame. The Unicorn spun back around and slapped his tail across Celestia's muzzle. "Can you believe that bitch?" he asked Big Mac.

With the Unicorn turned back around, Celestia could see a small gray pegasus tied to the Unicorn's back. She was upside-down and backwards with each eye looking in a different direction. The tiny pegasus caught sight of Celestia and smiled.

"Hi Celestia, I'm helping!" she waved frantically while flapping her wings. Apparently, she had agreed to help The Unicorn with the illusion that he had wings.

The doors to the ballroom flew open and trumpets sounded as a red carpet unfurled. Jumping out from the carpet was none other than Discord himself, making as grand an entrance as possible. Wearing his orange tuxedo coat -now with absurdly long tails- and a top hat to match, he announced his arrival.

"Now that I have arrived, I can finally breathe some life into this dull soiree!" he levitated a seemingly dead miniature clone of himself with tiny bellows pumping air into it until it jumped to life and gave a thumbs-up.

As if to steal his thunder, lightning crackled on the opposite side of the room as a dark cloud formed. Emerging from the cloud was a tall, jet black Alicorn laughing maniacally.

"MUA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAA! I, the evil Nightmare Moon, have inexplicably returned again and will rule over Equestria in an eternal night!"

Fright overcame the crowd as the feared villain made her triumphant and terrible return.

"DISCORD! THE TIME IS NIGH! UNLEASH THE SECRET WEAPON!" she commanded.

"Why of course! As you wish!" he snapped his fingers and summoned The Nerd out of thin air.

"What the... where am I?" The Nerd took a second to get his bearings. "Oh Wow! I'M AT THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!" He looked down to admire his suit, which was a white tuxedo with matching top hat and a red bow-tie. He then saw a similarly dressed Discord standing near him. "OH. MY. GOD! IT'S Q!!!! err.. I mean 'Discord' " using his fingers to make exaggerated quotation marks.

"ENOUGH!" shrieked Nightmare Moon. "What is the meaning of this? DISCORD! I thought I told you to summon The Borg!

"The Borg?" Discord replied sarcastically. "I thought you said to summon The Dork! I really must do a better job of cleaning out my ears!" As if to visualize his point, he simultaneously started removing objects from his ears including, but not limited to: The Twilight Scepter, Boneless 2, and a very upset but normal looking Angel Bunny.

"You FOOL!" Nightmare Moon continued. "I wanted an army of mindless automatons! What could I possibly do with this?"

"I don't know, I'm the Lord of CHAOS! Not of reason and logic. That's kind of the opposite of my thing!"

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Nightmare Moon screamed. "Discord! Do as I command! Summon the BORG!"

"Oh very well..." Discord acquiesced. He snapped his fingers and summoned a gray humanoid with lights and hoses. The construct appeared beside a groups of frighted ponies.

"You will be assimilated," the drone said in monotone. Numerous other Borg drones appeared randomly throughout the party, all stating the same line. Panic set in as all the guests scattered to flee this new threat. A terrified yellow pegasus made her way to Discord while crying.

"Discord! How could you! Not again!" Discord loved to torment "lesser" creatures, but he hated to see his best friend cry. Fortunately, today was a day where everything was going according to his plan.

"Fear not, sweet Fluttershy! For I have everything under control! Watch this!" snapping his fingers, he summoned a huge, metallic creature with a cylindrical head and torso along with big round red eyes and a vacant expression. The construct found the closest Borg and quickly made contact.

"You will be assimi- WHAT! WHOA! WHAT THE HELL!" The Borg screamed as the robot commenced dry humping the mindless automaton. Other identical robots were then summoned and each found a Borg to start humping. The panic had soon turned into full-fledged CHAOS with ponies running, Borg chasing them, and Robots attempting to hump the Borg. Discord took a step back to admire his handiwork.

"YES! CHAOS! UNBRIDLED CHAOS!"

"This is soooo awesome!" The Nerd agreed next to him.

"Oh, you're still here?" Discord asked. "I have no further use for you." With that he snapped his fingers and The Nerd disappeared, leaving Discord to enjoy his Chaos.

The Nerd felt like he was weightless. He opened his eyes long enough to see the ground rushing toward him and to let out a scream before he landed on his rear end. Rubbing his back he looked around to remember where he was and realized that he must have just fallen off the flagpole.

"So it was all a dream...." he pondered. "Oh well, not my worst one."

Starting to sit up he realized something.

"Hey wait! If it was my dream, why would I call myself a dork?"

The answer soon came as his ripped underwear fell atop his head. Other students, including Courtney and some other cheerleaders pointed and laughed as they all saw the skid-mark stained tighty-whities.

"Oh, that's why"

Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawka-Bawka-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawka-Bawka-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
Ba-Bawk! Bawk! Bawka-Bawka-Bawk! Bawk! Bawk!
BA-KAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!
(bawk)

Ooh-ooh! Aah!
Stupid Monkey!