REVENGE! a Grumpy Goat >tail<
REVENGE! a Grumpy Goat >tail<
REVENGE, a Grumpy Goat >tail<
by
De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)
It was a fine day for revenge and profit. The weather was clear with many lovely small puffy clouds to keep it from becoming too warm. We were sitting out on the ledge in front of my iron plated cave entrance.
The view of Ponyville faded into the fields and the Everfree Forest beyond it. It looked so serene and innocent from here. A lovely and ironic contrast to the reality, if you happen to be a goat, like I used to be.
Early on, I had a tiny accident, the one time that I tried necromancy. I missed a printer’s error in my copy of the Necronomipony. It was in an error sheet in the back of the book, so I really can’t complain. Besides, it has worked out really well for me.
The Litch King was resting his bones, literally, (he is a skeletal alicorn) on one side of me. Coalsmoke, the lovely pure black earth pony mare with the orange black widow’s hour glass cutie mark was on the other. Between them, I sat, the sun shining through my invisible spirit body, holding a book.
Daring Do is always fun to read aloud and my friends think that I have a good reading voice. Glancing down the long, fairly steep trail, Coalsmoke suggested compassionately, “Perhaps you ought to put up Daring Do and the Lightning Rogue for now, Grumpy. That looks like a filly in a mobility cart trying to get up the trail to you.”
Without taking the trouble to close the book, I laid down a copper bit.
“What is that for?”
“I will bet you that coin that if you offer the filly any help but getting the cart over the step at the ledge, that she will refuse.”
Coalsmoke took one look and said, “OK, tell me why that copper is safe! I know you too well to think that it is not!”
Pretending injured innocence, which caused Clarence to snort in amusement, I replied, “I have watch spells all up and down that trail, you know that. I have never seen more determination or more hate on the face of one so young in all of my unlife.”
Coalsmoke turned her gaze back down the trail and nodded thoughtfully. “I have to wonder what she wants this badly.”
Clarence said with absolute finality, “We are about to find out. Do stay, my dear Coalsmoke. I think that we may have parts to play in this case.”
Coalsmoke gave Clarence a strangely questioning glance.
Sun glistening off his many bones and his long alicorn horn, he replied to her unasked question, “I know a part of what is driving that filly. Not all. I believe that between you and Grumpy, the whole tale will come out.”
Coalsmoke trotted down trail anyway. “Dear, I do not know what has brought you to Grumpy, but you could not be putting yourself in more honest hooves. Let me help you to get on up to him.”
The filly stared up from her cart as she pushed wheels against the load and steepness of the trail. “No thank you, Ma'am. I need to build my strength for what is to come. I do appreciate the offer, though. If you would not mind it, walk with me. It was a long and lonely roll to get here.”
Coalsmoke raised her eyebrows at that, but walked alongside the filly in her cart. “What brings you to Grumpy? Umm, I did not get your name. I am Coalsmoke.”
“I am Glory Hillendale. I’m coming up here to see if Mister Goat can help me to get my revenge on somepony in particular.”
Dryly, Coalsmoke replied, “That is sort of Grumpy’s specialty. If it is revenge you want, he is your goat. Well … sort of a goat, anyway.”
With a twisted smile, Glory pushed the cart past a bit of a stone and replied, “So I have heard. He makes no secret of it that he isn’t alive any more. Admits it was from a mistake early on. Makes him real careful now.”
Coalsmoke gazed out at the truly spectacular view for a few moments. “He is one of my very best friends. He is really careful now.”
Glory snickered, “I have heard lots of what he has done. I think he had a good heart that got hurt past healing. He turned to evil things but he still tries to get some sort of good to come of his work. That is what I need.”
Coalsmoke gave Glory a long and compassionate gaze before saying softly, “I will see that you get what you need, Glory. So few have seen that side of my friend. That alone makes your problem important to me.”
Glory paused her pushing the cart wheels to look at the step before the ledge. “Sorry to bother you, Coalsmoke, Ma'am, but I am going to need that help after all. I do not think I can get my cart over that edge.”
“Of course, Glory. That is one reason that I stayed with you.” Coalsmoke took the cart’s handles and maneuvered Glory up onto the ledge.
As soon as she was past the obstruction, the determined Glory took control of her cart again. She wheeled it directly toward me, stopping at a respectful distance.
She said quietly, “Mister Goat, I know that you are there because I can see the book that you are holding. I am Glory Hillendale and I have come to you for some help.
“Sir, the fellow that’s all bones? Are you the Litch King? I hear that you and Mister Grumpy both like the Daring Do books. Is that so?”
Clarence nodded gravely, “I am indeed the Litch King, sometimes known as the Lord of the Dead, or even simply Death. You are correct that we do indeed like the Daring Do series of books.
“I am sure that our lovely friend Coalsmoke has introduced herself already. She is one of, if not the greatest, of authorities on business and business dealings in the Realm.”
Pulling a comical face, Glory said, “Beginning to sound like I really came to the right place then.”
I quietly glamored my spirit body to look like I used to before my little accident. The one that killed me. This filly sounded like she deserved my respect.
She proved it when she reached into a cargo pocket of the cart and held out a book.
“I like Daring Do myself,” she said softly. “Mama used to read them to me. They were just setting this one out on the shelves at Books and More. Daring Do and the River of Shadow. It’s yours, Mister Goat, whether we can do business or not.”
Deeply touched, I took the book and offered, “Let us go inside. Your cart will fit through my door. We can be free of breezes messing about with our papers if we can do business and it will be easier to fix a snack in any case. Kitchen is inside.”
Glory giggled and we all went in. I noticed that Clarence shut the door with care. There was more afoot here than he was letting on.
Glory suggested, “I guess we should get to the point of my visit. I do need to get revenge on my step dad, Sagrat. He got away with murdering my Mom and putting me in this cart. He got Mom’s business and now he’s trying to sell it. Made clear that he is not going to give me anything from it when he does.”
Coalsmoke sat beside her and pointed out, “He can’t do that. Your mother’s will was and is still registered in the Hall of Records. You are the sole heir of Hillendale Iron Works.
“There was a small scandal about it because Sagrat, your step father, was caught twice. Once he was trying to steal your mother’s will from the Hall of Records. The second time, among some routine contracts, he had concealed a transfer of ownership of the Iron Works from you to him.
“Molly, the mare who runs the Registry, is meticulous about details and ran a signature check on all the documents. The Transfer proved to be a forgery. Mol almost had him arrested. Now, when he registers anything, she checks it all.
“He can’t sell what he doesn’t own. Mol won’t let him.”
I looked up from making a clover top scramble to share about for a snack and asked Glory, “How did he kill your Mom and hurt you?”
She slumped down and cried a little at the memory. “We were in the office of the Works. Mom looked out and saw that Sagrat was overloading a delivery wagon. Had castings piled way too high to be safe.
“We came out and Mom called for the crane to set onto the top casting. While it was getting into position, Sagrat let all the load binders go on the other side of the wagon.
“Most of the whole load toppled onto us. Mom shoved me out of the way, mostly. I got hit in the hindquarters by a big casting and my legs have not worked since. Mom was killed on the spot.”
Clarence’s empty eye sockets glowed in quiet rage. “What do you want from us?”
“I want a fair shot at my revenge. I don’t want you folks to do it. That is MY job. Just get me fixed so that I can do it!”
I served her up a nice portion of scramble and then some for the rest of us. While I was doing it, Glory commented, “You are nothing like I was told to expect. I mean the fang skull with a candle and all of that stuff. Told to expect all business and short fused.”
Coalsmoke replied for me, “You are polite, friendly and to the point. Best of all, to my mind, is that you don’t want Grumpy to do anything bad to any pony. You have taken responsibility for that part.”
Glory looked up in surprise. “Of course. If I can’t be free of this cart, then, maybe I would hire Mister Goat to do something. Not otherwise.”
I finished up my scramble and gathered plates to put in the wash tub. Turning to her, I told her, “Glory, technically, I can heal you. There is only one problem. It is against the law for me to heal any medical condition.”
I held up a hoof. “It does not mean that I can’t help you, only that I can’t do it that way!
“Litch King, my friend, what exactly, keeps her legs paralyzed? What is needed to undo it if it can be?”
Clarence’s horn glowed a soft gray. A cloud of it seeped into Glory’s hindquarters. He reported, “Her back has been twisted, not broken. It is putting pressure on two great nerves. That is causing the paralysis. If the twist is relieved, she will regain mobility in a few days. Swelling caused by the pressure must go down first.
“Regular drinking of willow bark tea will help it to heal.”
“You mean, Mister Litch King, that I could have been out of this cart long ago by drinking willow bark tea?”
Bare bone can’t smile or change expression at all. In spite of that, Clarence smiled.
“No, Glory. Your back has to be straightened first. THEN the tea will help with the swelling. It will take days after your back is fixed before you will be able to walk at all. Take it easy at first. You won’t heal suddenly but you WILL heal.”
She looked Death in the Eye and said replied, “I believe you, Mister Litch King. Thanks for being straight with me.”
I whistled tunelessly for a moment, while I thought through possibilities. There were so many. “Glory, would you like getting your back straight help in getting your step dad, Sagrat, into trouble?”
She looked up with a bright smile. “Long as it leaves him open to MY revenge, sure!”
Coalsmoke offered, “With the attempts to steal your Mother’s Will and the criminal transfer of the Iron Works, I can help you, Glory. Grumpy isn’t the only one around here that can make contracts.”
“What do you mean, Miss Coalsmoke?”
She smiled so savagely that a tiger would have turned tail and run! “Sagrat’s trying to steal your inheritance is grounds to petition Judge Coldheart. You are old enough to be emancipated. That means, among other things, that you can sign contracts. I will offer to be your conservator. I will post an indemnity bond, to run the Hillendale Iron Works in trust for you, until you reach your majority and can take it yourself.”
“I get the trust part but what do you mean about an indemnity bond?”
Smiling sweetly now, Coalsmoke told her, “It means that you can’t lose. I will have a full audit of your company run and then post a bond worth that much. When you get the company, we audit it again. If the value of the company is less, you get the difference plus twenty percent. If it is worth more, I get my money back. That’s all.”
Our really not at all stupid young Glory suddenly lit up! “It gives us a chance to pull an audit when Sagrat’s not ready! Since he killed Mom and tried to steal the Works, he is likely taking money he shouldn’t. The Audit will catch him!
“Please, Miss Coalsmoke, how soon can we do it?”
I stuck a hoof in, as it were. “We can do it today, if you like. All that we need is to do our contract. Then we go down to register it and Coalsmoke can take you to judge Coldheart at the same time. I am sure Mol will testify if it is wanted.
“While we do your contract, want a show? Floating fanged skull and the works? Just for fun?”
Glory clapped her hooves in delight. “Can we? I would love it!”
It was one of the few contracts that I have really enjoyed doing. We did the whole ball of wax, as they say. I even added, strictly as glamors and totally safe, a big pair of cressets up on tall triangle legs with baskets of flame to add a better ghastly appearance. My skull, of course, with its ever burning candle between the horns, and fangs, mustn’t forget the fangs.
We had papers seeming to float in mid-air and I lowered my voice to a sepulchral, slightly quivering tone. It was all very menacing and totally entertaining!
As we all (except for Clarence) trotted down my path, Glory did let us help her with the cart. “I came to you for help, Mister Goat, and I got it. Be silly to turn down your help now. Besides, I like you. I was not sure at all what to expect. I hope that someday, you find your own healing. I know that you were wounded sore, somehow.”
We came out of the woods and into Ponyville proper. I almost missed the Celestian Church nutcases harassing me. They did keep unlife interesting. I did not miss them enough to want them back, needless to say.
The Square in front of the Town Hall had a gathering going on. Had to admit that it was purely delightful. There were signs and banners galore. The speaker was not even breaking the Edict of Equality. He was exhorting them, “We must do something about the UNDEAD MENACE ON THE MOUNTAINSIDE! That evil undead goat is sitting up there even as we speak, weaving the doom of all ponykind!”
He was not after goats in general at all. He was after ME!
Coalsmoke laid a restraining hoof on my shoulder and muttered, “Have your fun later, Grumpy. Right now, we have business to attend to!
“Sadly, you are right, dear Coalsmoke.” I took up the push bars of Glory’s mobility cart and we headed for the Town Hall’s cart ramp.
Glory looked confused at first. “But, Mister Goat, he is saying bad things about you!”
I nodded as we entered the welcoming doors of the Town Hall, which just happened to give me the opportunity to give the crowd and speaker outside a finely insulting rump bump with tail flip!
Mol was delighted to register Glory’s contract. She said cheerfully, “Finally going to get that step dad of yours, Glory?” She shook her gray locks as she said, “I caught him twice on trying to gyp you.
“Trying to steal your mom’s will was bad enough. That property transfer was the last straw as far as I am concerned!”
Glory smiled up from her mobility cart and replied, “No, Miss Molly. The doctor ponies say that I got to spend a powerful lot of money and MAYBE they can get me to walk again. Always limp, though.
“This contract is so that somehow my back fixes itself. Don’t want to spend what the doctors need for no guarantee. Mister Grumpy, here promise that it will happen or I get MORE than my money back.
“That is a big difference.”
Mol nodded. “It is indeed. What are you going to do if this isn’t revenge?”
Glory looked up with a smile to make angels flee in fear. “Miss Coalsmoke is helping me. She is going to help me to set LAWYERS on him.”
Mol grinned and replied, “Good! I was afraid that you were going to do something illegal.”
As we were leaving to see Judge Coldheart, Glory replied, “Just ‘cause Sagrat’s a rat, doesn’t mean I have to swim in the same sewer with him!”
Mol’s giggle followed us down the corridor to Judge Coldheart’s chambers.
Coalsmoke observed serenely, “I notice that you left yourself open to swimming in OTHER sewers to get him!”
We entered Judge Coldheart’s ante room.
I was sort of surprised, but not a lot, when Glory replied, “Of course I did. Gonna get a hoof dirty when you stomp on something out of the sewer!”
We heard a chuckle from in the Judge’s chamber and his voice speaking to somepony that we could not see. “Is he serious? Sawnax wants to sue because loads of timbers were counted CORRECTLY, costing him expected income from SHORTED LOADS? No, I don’t think it can possibly be won.”
We heard a door close. Judge Coldheart opened his office for us personally. He was still chuckling. “Coalsmoke, my dear, what can I do for you today?”
We settled ourselves and she explained Glory’s situation. She ended with, “Glory, here, tells us that it was murder and she saw it done, but neither the police ponies or the insurance investigators would listen to her.
“Sagrat has since attempted to steal the Hillendale will from the Registry and attempted to insert a forged transfer of the Hillendale Ironworks to his name. There have been several attempts to sell the Works as well.
“Glory wants to put the Works in trust with me. She will be protected by an indemnity bond with a 20% penalty. I have have the Drafts of Intent here. If you approve, my lawyers will submit the formal agreement within two hours and we will begin the Audit to set the bond value today.”
Judge Coldheart turned to Glory and smiled. “Is this what you want to do, Glory? Do you understand what Coalsmoke has proposed?
She returned a tight smile of her own. “Yes Sir, Judge Coldheart, Sir. It was explained most carefully. I do want Miss Coalsmoke to manage things for me the way she just told you. She was there for Mama when the banks would not help us. She was always straight with us.”
We were interrupted by a knock at the Judge’s door. His secretary put her head in to say, “Sir, it is Molly. She says that Sagrat has made another attempt to take the Hillendale Iron Works as settlement of a debit.”
I butted in, “Mol, my lovely young mare, do you have the document?”
She promptly hoofed it over. “Don’t you have to be paid to do anything with your sorts of magic, Grumpy?”
Coalsmoke spoke for me, as I made a few simple passes and muttered a word under my breath. “Grumpy is on a retainer of mine. We do quite a lot of business with documents.”
I finished. The claim document was glowing a reddish hue.
I batted my expressive glamored goat eyelashes at Mol and said, “The only way that this could be more false is if he was here and said it was true.”
I unfolded the still glowing document and handed it to the Judge. Certain lines of it were screamingly fire engine red.
Judge Coldheart noted, “Useful effect, that.” Turning to Mol he requested, “If the Hillendale insurance policy is available, I should like to see it at once.”
Mol nodded and vanished. She was back in mere moments, dragging a scruffy looking off green pony with her. “I caught Sagrat, here, trying to open the Hillendale files! Here is the policy that you wanted, Sir.”
As the Judge was taking the policy in hoof, Sagrat saw Glory. “What are you doing, bothering the Judge? You get home, young filly!”
Judge Coldheart, without looking up from the policy and the claim of indebtedness replied, “No. Stay here, Glory. Your request for emancipation has been granted.”
A swift signature went onto a document. “Please file this in the Court Records and the Hillendale file, Molly. This is Glory’s emancipation. It formally recognizes Coalsmoke as her Conservator for all financial and business affairs until her majority.”
Sagrat nearly had an attack. “She ain’t got a home, then! I have just filed for the whole iron works and residential property to settle up her Horspital bills. I had to pay it all out of my own pocket!
“Since I have not been reimbursed, I have filed to get the property and business as the settlement of the debit.”
Judge Coldheart simply stated flatly, “Your claim is denied.”
“What!! You can’t do that! You have no grounds at all!”
Imperturbably, Judge Coldheart tapped the collected documents on his desk. “These are full grounds. The policy on Miss Hillendale lists only one beneficiary. Glory Hillendale. The Accidental Death double indemnity is separate from the Medical coverage extended to both Mother and Daughter.
“This policy pays for the Horspital bills in full and gives Glory Hillendale a half million in golden bits as a death benefit for her mother’s demise. The Death Benefit has been paid, but not to her. You have embezzled the entire sum, including her medical benefit.
“The payment which you just claimed to be of YOUR pocket was HER money. You simply paid her bill with her own money.
“I will hear a plea of ignorance of the conservatorship laws in the taking of her insurance without Court approval. This MUST be accompanied by the return to Glory’s proper conservator of all funds from the insurance except for documented deductions such as the paid Horspital bills, and other living expenses for Glory.”
Truculently, Sagrat demanded, “And if I don’t?”
“I will have you arrested and placed in jail until such time as the accounts are properly sorted out. You will then be charged with the crime of embezzlement.”
“I should be her conservator! I am her loving Step Dad!”
Coalsmoke pointed out acidly, “Who was just about to turn his beloved and disabled step daughter out of her home. The same love that had you grab HER insurance settlement, attempt to seize her business properties, and try to leave her without a copper bit to her name.”
Glory smiled as she pointed out, “Conservators, where businesses are concerned, have to be Court appointed. I have asked for and been granted Coalsmoke as my conservator. Please return my money from Mama’s insurance to her.
“And do be careful that you only take what is yours when you pack to leave my house.”
Dryly, I pointed out, “If the court will hear me, I would suggest assigning Constable Crager to supervise his packing and removal from Glory’s house. I know that he is honest.”
The room filled with the lovely sound of Sagrat’s teeth grinding in rage.
I simply had to add, “Judge, the spell that I used not only verifies falsehood, it includes intent. If it was false but unintentionally so, it would flag with yellow. Grades of color between would show that it was at least partly intended to deceive. This one showed pure red. There was nothing accidental about that document.”
The good judge nodded, “I was able to sort that out as soon as I saw the policy and the improper payments from the insurance.”
Turning to a new arrival he instructed, “Constable Crager, you are to accompany Sagrat, here, to the residence that he shares with Glory Hillendale. There, he is to pack his goods and ONLY his goods. He is to remove them to any other residence of his choosing. He may not remove any monies or other instruments of value. If you have any doubt, the object must be tagged. Glory or her conservator, Coalsmoke will make a final decision and arrange for its delivery to him, if appropriate.”
“I have it, Sir. May I have the Documents of Eviction and Removal?” He was handed a packet by the busy Judge Coldheart. He led Sagrat out of the room.
Glory drew a breath. “The air smells cleaner, somehow!”
We all got a chuckle out of it.
Our own business done, we left the judge’s office. On our way out, we found the Mobility Cart ramp blocked by Sagrat, who was using it, part way down, for a viewpoint to watch the rally against the UNDEAD GOAT MENACE. Namely, me.
Constable Crager told him, “Sir, you must make way for the cart.”
“Let the little ingrate go around me! There is plenty of room!”
I did start to maneuver Glory past him. He turned “to leave” with bad grace and rump-bumped her cart off the ramp, spilling Glory onto the ground and breaking a wheel of the cart, too.
He tried to cover his action by snapping, “Watch what you are doing, Goat! See what you’ve done!?”
Constable Crager was having none of it. He had Sagrat in irons so fast that it was amazing. “Sir, you are under arrest for assault on Glory Hillendale, a disabled being within the Edict of Equality. This assault has resulted in the need for her medical transport to the Horspital for evaluation and damage to her mobility cart.” The protesting Sagrat was dragged back inside the town hall to see the judge again.
Judge Coldheart emerged, face full of concern. I give him credit. His first question was for Glory. “Are you all right, Miss Hillendale?”
Glory looked up, eyes tearing with pain, and said, “I think maybe so. Gotta get to the Horspital to be checked out. I hurt something awful. Thing is, I can feel my hind hooves some.
“Got to go and get the tests to be sure. I think the fall might have twisted my back straight again.”
Coalsmoke was holding her head gently. “Don’t fret, dear. We will see that you get some nice willow bark tea to help with the pain. It is not strong but it can be a real assist. We will check with the doctors before we do it, of course.”
Glory, reminded of Clarence’s advice, smiled. “Thank you, Miss Coalsmoke. I think I am going to like having you for a conservator and friend. Mister Goat, too. He has been awful good to me.”
“Pardon me, Judge Coldheart,” I suggested, “Take a look at the tracks on the ramp. Coming down, we did not really leave any. I mean, we were rolling properly and under control.
“Sagrat was on the ramp. The constable ordered him to move. He said to go around him and that there was plenty of room.
“Rather than further antagonize the situation, I did start to go around him. When we were part way past, Sagrat turned and deliberately used his rump to push the cart sideways, off the ramp. See the skid marks where it was driven sideways?”
I paused and flexed my little goat foreleg to show the muscles. “I don’t think I have enough strength to make the cart swing sideways that way.
“Coalsmoke, Constable Crager, Glory and I were all witnesses to the event.”
The Judge smiled. “I remember your demonstrations in my courtroom on many occasions. When you are in a glamor form, you are limited to that form’s strengths and weaknesses.”
His brow clouded as he realized that if Glory was killed in the incident, Sagrat would still inherit the whole Hillendale estate. “This has put a whole new complexion on recent events. I will no longer hear ignorance as a plea from him. He will be charged with the embezzlement too.”
The Judge’s secretary came out. “Sir, Sagrat’s lawyer is here. We can proceed, if they will agree to the bargain.”
The judge nodded and went back in, saying, “The terms have changed, thanks to this assault.”
The medical aid ponies arrived and prepared Glory for transporting to the Horspital very professionally.
Instead of going to Caramel Treat’s to dine, as we usually did, Coalsmoke and I followed the ambulance to the Horspital.
They were preparing to be really curt with me, appearing to be a goat and all, when Coalsmoke serenely reminded them, “It is a really bad idea to upset Grumpeter Goat. You would not need to fear his Non Equine magic at all. Just your your Royal Funding. He not only knows and has the ear of BOTH Princesses, he has done work for them.
“We are here about funding in any case. Glory Hillendale has just been taken into your Emergency Department. If her insurance is not adequate, we will be guaranteeing proper payment.”
The pony behind the desk officiously began to leaf through files on his desk. He glared at me triumphantly.
“You got a lot of paying to do, Goat! She owes over five thousand golden bits from her last confinement. Insurance didn’t pay it!”
Coalsmoke said calmly, “Then it should be settled promptly. All that is needed is a formal bill presented on Horspital stationery with the failure of insurance to pay noted on it.”
He filled out the bill swiftly. I noticed that it was a single copy. To avoid sullying his hooves by touching a goat, he hoofed it to Coalsmoke who took a single glance and hoofed it straight back. “Without the Horspital seal and authorized signature, this is not a bill at all.”
With real ill grace, he took it and stamped the seal on it and signed across the stamp.
Coalsmoke looked, smiled, folded it, put it in her saddlebag and said, “That is better. I will see that this is taken care of properly.”
I tilted my head inquisitively and asked her, “Really? You mean all 5,204 gold, five and three?”
The clerk looked at me in shock. “I didn’t show it to you! How in the name of Discord do you know the exact amount?”
I sat and scratched at the root of my right horn with my right hind hoof. “I just saw it, not a half hour ago, in Judge Coldheart’s office. It was on a receipt for medical treatment that was marked paid in full about two months ago, stamp sealed and signed over the seal by Clod H. Opper.”
I paused long enough to point at his desk name sign.
“Unless the Equestrian language has undergone a major shift in pronunciation in the last half hour, that is YOU, Clod. Embezzlement is a charge being leveled against Sagrat in connection with that document. Looks like we have another name to add to the charges.”
Coalsmoke smiled serenely as she replied, “No, we don’t. He was demanding payment for a sum not paid by insurance. It was paid by Sagrat. All that it means is that his books are not in proper order.”
Catching her drift, I.E., AUDIT coming!, I nodded. “Right-O! Let’s go around to Emergency and see how Glory is doing.”
We found the doctors conferencing over some images of Glory’s back. One of them turned to us, saw me and his face twisted in distaste. “We need to do an exploratory surgery on Miss Hillendale. Her back has taken a most unusual twist.”
I raised my eyebrows almost as high as Coalsmoke’s skeptical glance had hers. “Really? I must see the images at once,” she snapped.
“Quite impossible. You would have to be her legal guardian.”
Coalsmoke, smiling grimly, held out her newly signed guardianship papers. “I am her legal guardian. If you want Sagrat, you will have to check the jailhouse. He has been arrested for embezzlement from the Hillendale estate.”
The doctor blinked several times. “He has? We have him in the chart. He will have to make the decision.”
I batted my long lashed goat eyes at him and pointed out, “The last member of the Medical Society to try a stunt like this, what was his name? Oh, yes. Bale, it was. Doctor Bale is now working in Royal Road Quarry #5. Breaking rock for road gravel. Are you sure that you want to join him?
“You have been presented with legal proof of guardianship, an item neglected by Sagrat, by the way. That means that YOU need to alter the CHART in the matter of guardianship. Then you must show us the images that appear to require an expensive and potentially dangerous procedure done and justify the risk.”
He replied sourly, “The bones and all appear to have returned to correct alignment. In spite of that, Miss Hillendale has not recovered full motor control or sensation. That is why we need to operate.”
Coalsmoke sat. She pulled out a note pad and began writing rapidly.
“What is that for?”
She glanced up and read his name pin. “Doctor Justin, I am formally ordering my legal staff to have you blacklisted from treatment of any of my employees, or their families. Your medical license appears to have been a prize in a box of SUGARY OATS.
“Even I know that any injury that has put pressure on the spine, like Glory’s prior injury, causes swelling. That reduces the ability of the spinal chord to function properly. Given a little time and anti-inflamitory treatment, the swelling will go down and the patient will recover.”
I suggested, “Coalsmoke, my dear, you could just write to Princess Celestia and let her know why you are about to cancel your endowment to Ponyville General Horsepital.”
Doctor Justin blanched. “You can’t do that! That is over a third of the total Horsepital endowment!”
Coalsmoke smiled saccharinely as she pointed out, “Actually, I can. If Glory is not released to my custody immediately, I will. That will leave the Ponyville Council scrambling for the 250,000 bits to replace it. They might not like having to do that. It could reflect on the doctor who triggered it.”
We were wheeling Glory out in only a few minutes.
It was a few days later that I saw an unusual sight. Coalsmoke was pushing Glory’s mobility cart up my trail. Seeing Coalsmoke doing that herself was unusual enough. Watching Glory wriggle and lightly kick with her hind legs was the both unusual and (if I had one anymore) heartwarming sight.
The young mare was beside herself with joy. It was pretty clear that Coalsmoke was too. Clarence laid a restraining hoof on me. “Easy, Grumpy! I might start thinking that you have become so Equine at heart that you no longer need this world.”
I turned to him and retorted, “I got my ETERNAL PUNISHMENT right here and I like it! So do you, or you would not spend so much time in my cave and nibbling on the goodies that I cook!”
He settled his wing bones more comfortably as he agreed, “I do like it here, it is true.” Seriously he added, “It is as much the company as the place, too. I don’t really have many friends. I am glad that you are going to last for a very long time, Grumpy.”
I put a hoof over his and replied, “I feel the same. The company here is good. Thank you for taking up my offer of friendship.”
As the others reached the ledge in front of my cave, Glory called out happily, “Hi, Grumpy! How are you, Clarence? Do we get another chapter of Daring Do?” She kicked her legs again. Not strongly, yet clearly under control.
Coalsmoke watched and smiled indulgently. To us, she said, “Zecora says that Glory should do a lot of kicking and wriggling. She loves that advice. We had to stop and pick up the lap blanket twice on the way here!”
I giggled. Clarence’s teeth chattered in his effort not to laugh. I produced the Daring Do book and we all settled down to hear the next chapter.
Putting aside the book, leaving our heroine in yet another fix, we went into my cave to fix dinner.
We were barely beginning to eat our clover loaf when there was a loud banging on the door. Clarence chuckled.
Checking the spy hole in the door showed me the same pony who was doing anti-me propaganda down in the Town Hall square.
I couldn’t resist it. I lowered my voice to deep shivery tone and cracking the door open to its siege latches, intoned, “What would you have of the Evil Undead Goat? I am presently busy with my other accomplices of Ultimate Evil, plotting the downfall of all ponykind!”
This was greeted by stunned silence from the other side of the door. Very uncertainly, the voice whined, “Really?”
Letting my voice be perfectly normal, I replied, “No. We were just sitting down to a nice baked clover loaf. Want some?”
Coalsmoke covered her lips as she giggled. “Accomplice of Ultimate Evil! I love it, Grumpy.”
The pony had his hat in hoof. He replied, “It would be nice but I really came up here to apologize, Mister Goat. I am Joel.”
Brightening considerably, I replied, “Apologize for what?”
“Well, I saw you watching me in the Town Hall Square. I, um, this is kinda hard to say right. I was paid to say that stuff. I was given the script and two silver bits to stir up a crowd. Mister Sagrat wanted a distraction while he did some paperwork inside. He was supposed to pay me three more but he never came out to do it.
“I wanted to tell you that I am sorry that I did it.”
By the time that he was done, I had the door full open. “Come in, Joel, and be welcome. We will cut you a slice of the clover loaf. It is Princess Luna’s recipe. I traded her my clover top scramble for it. Rom Black tea to wash it down.”
Coalsmoke cocked her lovely head at our newcomer and asked, “Would you please tell that about Sagrat in a legal deposition? The reason that he did not come out is that he is in jail.
“He tried to both embezzle funds from the Hillendale Estate and sell off a major portion of it. He was caught cold by Judge Coldheart himself.”
“I see. What part did my thing out in the square have to do with his crimes?”
I served him a slice of clover loaf as I answered, “You were a distraction. Mol has been watching him very closely since she caught him trying to steal the Hillendale Will and a few other things. He hoped that you would draw her attention away while he slipped in a few papers that would have taken Glory’s home and her Iron Works. It did not work, by the way.
“He even tried a direct attack on Glory, here. Pushed her cart off the disabled ramp. Got caught on that too.”
He looked up. “I did see that. I can put that in your papers if you want me to.”
Coalsmoke, wiping her lips with a napkin, replied, “We most certainly do. Grumpy, this loaf is absolutely scrumptious!”
Glory handed me her empty plate with a childlike grin and said, “There was not enough to tell how good it was! May I have another slice? Maybe then, I can get a fix on it!”
Clarence quietly hoofed his plate forward too. “Another slice, please, Grumpy. You have done Princess Luna’s recipe proud!”
Our guest finished off his plate too. He pushed back from my table, savoring the tea. He turned to Glory and asked, “Did you come up here to make a contract with Mister Goat?”
Glory cuddled her warm mug close and replied, “No, I already did that. I came up here for Grumpy to read us a chapter out of Daring Do and then have some dinner. This is purely a social visit.”
“You already did make a contract? Is that why Sagrat is in so much trouble?”
Coalsmoke replied for her, “I was here and besides the contract is in the public register. She forbade Grumpy to do anything that would be thought of as a revenge. She just wanted things to happen so that her back would get fixed and she could walk again.
“Sagrat’s troubles all stem from him being himself. He did not need to embezzle or try to hurt Glory. That was just him being the sort of sour apple that he is.”
“I see. Well, when and where do you want me to show up for the depositions? When I took that work to make the speech, I had no idea that it was part of a plot to hurt anypony.”
Coalsmoke nodded, “I accept that. Please meet me and my lawyer at the town hall about 10 tomorrow morning, if you would be so kind.”
Clarence paused in thoughtful silence and then spoke, “Joel, meet them at 9, not 10. You will understand why later.”
Coalsmoke simply nodded, “I will make it 9, then. Thank you, Your Majesty.”
The next morning, I was sitting out on the ledge in front of my cave. I was wearing a glamor body of the goat that I used to be, before my “Little Accident” the one and only time that I tried necromancy. I like the feel of the warm sun on my skin. If I stay in my invisible spirit body, the sunlight goes right through and warms me not at all. Clarence was sitting beside me.
Sometimes the Lord of the Dead would put his hoof around me to stop the shudders left from the nightmare. I really only have one nightmare and it is an irony, perhaps, that the one who cares the most, who wakes me from horror haunted sleep and comforts me is the one who actually did kill me. That is not the nightmare, though.
No, it stems from something that happened earlier. The thing that finally drove me mad enough to actually try the illegal and forbidden art of necromancy. It was that attempt that made me what I am and led to my meeting the Litch King, Lord of the Dead, known to his few friends as Clarence.
Just as he had been all morning, Clarence put a skeletal hoof about me and said again, “The fire is gone, Grumpy. Your house and studies are ashes scattered away years ago. No pony is trying to keep you in the burning house. You are not scorched and battered any longer. No pony is trying to stone you to death.
“On the other hoof, Caramel Treat and Fangrin, who saved you from the mob and, with their waitress Peanut Brittle, saw to your healing, are still there. Fast friends, the best that could be hoped for. Perhaps you should take the morning and go down to see them.”
I leaned companionably against the hard bare bones of my friend and said, “Thank you, Clarence, you are the best friend that an undead goat could have. Would you do me the honor of glamoring yourself an inoffensive form and joining me? Their food is the finest to be had in Ponyville. I … see smoke!
“That black smoke means a bad one. A building or …” I turned my visible goat head to my friend. “What time is it, Clarence?”
Quietly he replied, “As you have guessed, Grumpy, it is 9:15.”
“That is Joel’s house, apartment or rooming house burning, isn’t it, Clarence?”
“Yes, Grumpy, it is. If he had not left for an early appointment, he would have died in that fire.”
“This may sound callous, Clarence, but will saving him mess up your schedules any?”
“No, Grumpy. Only trying to save a pony with a Fated Death can mess up my schedules and trying it WILL fail. Most deaths are not Fated and the odds are that Joel will live a long and productive life.”
I stared down at the rising smoke and felt the comfort of my friend there to lean on. “Clarence, I was inviting you to join me at Caramel Treat’s Sweets. As I was saying, some of the finest food in the whole district. If you would join me please glamor yourself a safely inoffensive form and we will away. Food is on me.”
The gray pony with a lighter gray mane and tail said in Clarence’s voice, “What are we waiting for?”
I grinned and replied, “For me to get my wallet and lock up!”
The trees on the lower slope and the stretch of forest before getting to town provided a fine dappled shade. Clarence and I had a bird watcher’s guide along. Excitedly, he pointed, “A Stellars Jay! See the crest?” I added it to the list.
When we got to town, he calmed down. Nopony even tried to haze us for me being a goat. Trust me, that was not a disappointment! As we entered the outdoor dining area of Caramel Treat’s, we were greeted by Peanut Brittle, the lovely palomino waitress. She spotted who Clarence was at once and asked, “Greetings, Your Majesty. Would you prefer that I call you something else for this visit?”
“Clarence will do fine, Peanut,” he replied graciously.
Turning to me she simply gave me a hug. “Hi, Grumpy!” Mischievous as ever, she added, “Are you having a good SPELL?”
We all chuckled as she seated us and brought menus out.
I told her, “My usual, but make the burger a seagrass patty, please.” She nodded.
Clarence grinned and ordered, “The Surf and Turf! Seagrass puffs with Clover Top steak, please. ALL the Trimmings! Hot Rom Black Tea to go with it!”
She smiled as she replied, “You mean top with cheese sauce, red dipping sauce and the vegetable medley appetizer plate?”
He nodded happily, “AND a big salad!” Grinning and pointing to me, he added grandly, “Cost is no object! HE IS PAYING!”
The giggling Peanut retreated to the kitchen with our orders.
While we were waiting, Coalsmoke, Glory and Joel arrived.
Glory was almost dancing with glee. For starters, she was out of the mobility cart already. She did still have assistance wheels to provide critical support but she was already on her feet!
She gave us the news with utter delight! “Sagrat is being held in jail until his trial! With Joel’s testimony, the embezzlements from my Iron Works provide a motive for trial on both embezzlement and attempted murder!
“Even better,” she paused and swallowed hard, tears at the corners of her eyes, “they are re-opening mom’s death as a murder investigation!” She broke down and cried, but they were happy tears.
Coalsmoke filled in, “As soon as they actually looked at the constable’s reports of the so-called accident, they ordered a murder investigation. Sagrat’s account compared to the findings of the constable show so many holes that you need a magnifying glass to find any truth in his story.”
Joel looked utterly defeated. “It is all good for them, I am sure. I found out that while I was giving my account of things to the lawyers, my rooming house burned to the ground. I have got nothing left at all.”
Clarence looked up sharply. “Nothing, Joel? No possessions perhaps. You do have your life. One other in that house no longer has anything, not even life itself. A second is in Ponyville General Horspital and will not live out the day. Are you sure that you have nothing?”
Joel looked up from studying the ground at his hooves and replied, “How do you know so much about it? How do you know my name?”
I pointed out with only mild acid in my voice, “You met the Litch King yesterday, Joel. You don’t really expect that he will romp about as bare bones in the middle of town do you? Except for Nightmare Night, of course.
“I am going to be blunter than usual. He did NOT have to save you from that fire.” Hit by a sudden suspicion, I turned to Clarence. “Since Sagrat knew that Joel was a weakness in his story, what are the odds of the fire being accidental?”
Clarence stared back calm as a clam and replied, “I am sure that if they look deeply into it, the evidence for arson will be found.”
Glory, studying the menu, remarked, “You are a popular pony, Joel. We want you and, so it appears, does Sagrat. I think that you are better off with us. I am sure that Coalsmoke can find you good work and a place to live. Likely even an advance on your pay to get food and necessities.”
Joel looked utterly miserable. “I don’t want to be a beggar on your charity.”
Glory gave him a compassionate gaze before saying, “No begging, Joel. Just a leg up. I expect you to earn your way. I can’t guarantee a job at my Iron Works because it is undergoing an audit for both the value of the business and to determine how much Sagrat stole from it. Coalsmoke has six of the largest manufacturing businesses in Ponyville. I am sure that we can find you what you need. No begging. Just honest work.”
He brightened up a lot.
I pointed out, “With all of these things coming down on Sagrat, Glory, is your revenge playing out the way that you want it?”
She turned her eyes to me and spoke in a voice so childlike and innocent that the words took a second to register. “This is all just the law finally doing what it is supposed to do. It has nothing at all to do with what I have planned for him.”
At that, Clarence gave a bright and cheerful chuckle.
Coalsmoke just continued to study the menu as if nothing at all had been said.
The whole meal was really quite pleasant. Joel did decide to order and we all had a fine time.
Back up on the ledge, Clarence and I let our glamors go and resumed our comfortable normal selves. Me, invisible except for hoof prints, and Clarence back to his nicely polished skeleton of an alicorn.
We sat together and watched the evening clouds fade to the different glory as stars bloomed across Luna’s sky. When we went in, I commented, “I wish that I knew what Glory wanted to do for her revenge.”
Clarence replied softly, “Do you want me to tell you, Grumpy?”
“No, Clarence. There is a difference between wanting to know and needing to know.”
“I see. Why do you not want to know?
“Because I might be tempted to help her to succeed. I dislike Sagrat that much.”
“Helping Glory is wrong?”
“Not as such, Clarence. Interfering without her explicit request is what is wrong.”
“I see, Grumpy. That is very ethical of you.”
“Thank you, Clarence.”
The next few weeks passed quietly. Glory was added to our Daring Do listening circle. Sagrat was charged with embezzlement and murder in her mother’s case. His connection to the rooming house fire with its two fatalities was being investigated as well. Sagrat himself was being held in prison until trial.
Glory got out of her stabilizing wheels and recovered her ability to walk. She still drank her willow bark tea.
She confided in me, “Don’t like it all, but it is helping a lot! Clarence was right about it.”
I nodded cheerfully, the everburning candle between the horns of my skull casting shadows that danced on my cave walls, as I replied, “He has a tendency to be right, oh, about 100% of the time!”
We giggled.
Winter passed and spring came. Sagrat’s trial was more open and shut than most. Twenty five years at labor in the quarries for the Royal Road commission.
Glory quietly went away for “a visit.” Coal smoke confided to me, “I do not know at all what she has planned. All that I am sure of is that her ticket is Dragon Meadow resort. The resort there is not too far from the Royal Road Commission Quarry #6. That is where Sagrat is working at hard labor now.”
When Glory returned, she was beaming. She brought us a copy of the Dragon Meadow Firebreather, a small local newspaper.
The headline told it all. “Cart Failure at the Royal Quarry Kills One! Prisoner Sagrat crushed to death under a load of stone!”
–THE END–