Cutie Mark Crusader Candy Bar Marketing Team!

by TehSporkBandit

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 1282

Mars Inc. tries to appeal to their new Equestrian audience.

Mars Inc. tries to appeal to their new Equestrian audience by approaching the residents of Ponyville with a contest for who can produce the best commerical.

The CMC have a terrible idea like always.

Published 2016-04-01 03:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-01 03:20:02 UTC

Camera Angles Are Magic!

"Absolutely not! There is no way I'm doing such a dreadful thing!" Rarity huffed.

Applebloom cocked her head, "Why not? Have we tried wrastlin' pigs before?" Scootaloo groaned with a roll of her eyes as she started to climb the fence.

Rarity pointed her nose to the sky, "It's just so uncouth. Not to mention I'll get terribly dirty." She winced as Scootaloo's hooves scrabbled around the apex of a post.

"But it was your idea!" Applebloom wildly gestured as Scootaloo teetered, wings wildly buzzing for a moment.

Applebloom and Rarity, the latter masked with a grave expression, watched Scootaloo as she cannonballed into the group of pigs. A plume of mud quickly rose before descending to pepper the fence circling the already filthy enclosure. Rarity yelped as she recoiled, a glob splashing in front of her, but Applebloom didn't even flinch as her coat was adorned with a few new brown spots.

Petite scoffing was met with a lofted brow as Rarity looked from the offending mud pit to the littlest Apple and then back again. "Sweetie Belle," the emotionally attacked mare stopped to look towards Applebloom ruffling through a saddlebag near the fence, "eat a Snicker's."

"What?" Purple hair bounced as Rarity shook her head and scrunched her muzzle as the unwrapped piece of heaven was held towards her. "Why?"

Scotaloo yelled from the enclosure, "I almost got one!" A shrill squeal sounded as mud sloshed. "Woah, she's a tough one!"

"'Cause yer bein' Rarity-tier whiny, just eat it." Applebloom's deadpan expression held fast as the squealing behind her intensified. Rarity met her statement with quite a few more scoffs and her mouth worked furiously. After a few strained utterances, she managed to sigh heavily, scowl, roll her eyes, groan, scrunch her muzzle, and shudder all at once as she took the confectioner's dream in her hoof, daintily taking a small bite and chewing while Scootaloo was flung through the air.

"Better?" Applebloom raised her eyebrows and Scootaloo grunted from the enclosure as the affronted swine simmered down.

Sweetie Belle's voice squeaked back, cracking halfway through, "All better!" Applebloom smiled with a nod.

Rainbow Dash popped up to rest her forehooves on the fence, covered from muzzle to tailtip in a thick layer of oozing mud. "All right! Now that you guys are done being lame, let's go do something cool!"

Applebloom rubbed the bridge of her muzzle and sighed, but Sweetie Belle simply shoved the rest of the salty pile of sweet, sweet nougat and peanuts into her mouth while making haste in the direction opposite the obnoxious stain of prismatic brown. "Oh, fer [BUY SOME APPLES]..."

Blonde hair whipped in the wind as a worn stetson fell to the ground somewhere in the middle of the orchard as the sweetest of southern twang rang out, tinged only with stern love, "Applebloom! Watch yer language!"

The camera zooms out from the ponies, showing Sweet Apple Acres in all of its splendiferous splendor. Dew on the apple trees reflect Celestia's sun as the branches shift in a cool breeze. Hints of the delectably red apples peek through the green canvas while the inexplicably doomed barn comes into focus.

A Snicker's logo slowly phases into place, hovering in the air as Big Mac walks out of the barn doors, a veritable cornucopia of branded sweetmeats sitting atop the stallion's back. "YOU'RE NOT YOU WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY" splays itself in block letters next to the logo.

"Eeyup."

No Elders Were Harmed!

There they stood, two lines of ponies. Wind whipped and rippled what parts of their manes and coats that weren't caked with mud. Big Mac's eyes were narrowed across from Fluttershy's half-hearted snear, Applejack's smug grin was met with an equally arrogant smile from Rainbow Dash, and Braeburn was poiting his eyebrows at a confused Thunderlane.

The snap!

Apple Fritter backpedaled after the hoofball met her hooves. She held onto it like a newborn foal, her eyes darting around the tumultuous mass of Apples and Pegasi before her, searching for an opportunity.

Granny Smith wobbled out from the pony pile, rickety knees carrying her past the 5 yard line.

Apple Fritter winced, but ground her teeth and let the Hoofball fly. Time seemed to slow as it soared gracefully through the air with perfect rotations. Granny Smith turned and looked up with waiting hooves.

And was promptly smacked to the ground by Flitter.

Pinkie Pie waved emphatically, "Time out!" Sweetie Belle pulled the whistle from the pocket on her striped shirt and blew it. Scootaloo immediately ran over and started yelling arguments right into Sweetie Belle's face.

As Granny Smith rolled onto her haunches, Pinkie Pie bounded over to her. "Applebloom, that fumble means they have the ball," she hastily ripped the packaging off a rectangular prism of pure magic, "hurry up and eat a Snicker's!"

Spitting dirt off her tongue, Granny Smith wiped the mud out of her eyes. "Now, I ain't buying no Filly Scout Cookies!"

Pinkie harrumphed and shoved the miracle bar into the older pony's muzzle and worked Granny Smith's jaw to force her to chew it. "Better?"

Red hair smacked wetly as Applebloom rolled back across the field and sprang to her hooves, sending mud everywhere. "Heck yeah! Let's make them feel sadder than ah garter snake in ah fashion boutique!"

The ponies lined up again and the snap sent the Hoofball spiraling into Cloudchaser's hooves. "Fluttershy, go long!"

Iron Will burst through the defensive line in a decisive charge, the entire opposing team clinging on helplessly. "When somepony tries to block, show them that you rock!"

The camera stops to focus on Big Mac as he is flung to ground, his eyes shut and muzzle clamped into a grimace. A Snicker's logo follows him into frame and a king-sized Snicker's slips loose from his yoke as he slides to a stop.

He slowly opens his eyes and hooves around for his chocolatey lifeline to heaven before pulling it to his chest. "YOU'RE NOT YOU WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY" slowly edges in from the bottom of the screen.

"Nnnope...."

Spike Wanted To Help!

Spike bounded up the staircase and into Twilight's study. She whirled around in her chair, wings flared with a bewildered expression.

"Twilight! Princess Celestia sent you this urgent letter!" He panted and smacked the scroll onto Twilight's desk. "It's super important, the fate of Equestria hangs in the balance!"

"What? Oh, no!" She snatched the letter up in her telekinesis. "Please, don't tell me Queen Chrysalis is back!" The wax seal was ripped off and sent to the floor. "Please don't be King Sombra returning, either!" Parchment stretched before her eyes. "OR THAT THE GRIFFINS ARE INVADING!" Twilight stopped.

Spike stifled a giggle.

Twilight rolled the scroll back up and placed it on her desk.

Magical green flame erupted from Spike's mouth and a family-sized bag of Snicker's Minis thumped on the ground.

"... Get out."

Spike looked down to the bag of candy and then back up to Twilight. "But... you should eat-"

Magic ripped through the room, instantly erupting into a miniature inferno. "GET OUT!" Twilight bellowed, the sheer force throwing Spike out the door.

Once the fire extinguished itself as quickly as it appeared, that signature purple haze grabbed the door and slammed it shut as Twilight screamed in frustation and slammed her head onto her desk.

The camera pans over to center on Big Mac as he looks in through the nearby window. A Snicker's logo materializes above the window.

The stallion turns to look at the camera as "YOU'RE NOT YOU WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY" pops into existence below the window.

He shrugs.