A line of drool rolled down Twilightsparkle's chin as she looked at the calendar, seeing what day it was. She'd been waiting all year for this, and now she was excited. "Aw yeah, Spike, do you know what day it is?!" she yelled to the empty house before blushing in embarrassment a few seconds later when she remembered that Spike had died in a car accident 4 months ago.
Of course, she didn't let her mistake keep her down, and with a spring in her step, she hopped outside, whistling a tune as she got in her van. She couldn't wait to do one of those pranks that were all the rage nowadays with the younglings. It only took her about half an hour to drive to the edge of Ponyville, where she spotted her prey coming out of the schoolhouse. She parked in the shade and pulled out her binoculars, watching the tiny ponies laugh and joke with each other as they got done with another day of school.
Unfortunately, most were walking in groups, which would make things harder for her. Eventually, however, she spotted one that was all alone. Being the princess and premier party pony of Ponyville, she knew every pony's name, so she was able to identify him as Featherweight, which is all one word since having spaces in your name is dumb. Twilightsparkle grinned as she got an idea. An awful idea. Twilightsparkle got a wonderful, awful idea.
While no one was looking, she drove closer, and used her telekinesis to grab Featherweight, pulling him into her van. Before he could so much as fart the alphabet, she'd already bound and gagged him, keeping him from ruining the prank. She couldn't help but chuckle to herself the entire drive home as she thought about how funny this was going to be.
Once she got back to the crystal palace, she parked in the handicap spot since she has special privileges and took Featherweight inside. "Haha, wow, that was really easy," she remarked to herself as she walked down the stairs to the sex dungeon. Featherweight was thrashing and screaming the whole time, but this just made Twilightsparkle chuckle harder. He was getting April Foalsed so hard.
Once she'd gotten into the basement, Twilightsparkle didn't even wait in line as she tied Featherweight to a table with ropes. "Hey, what did you eat for breakfast, Featherweight?" Twilightsparkle asked, wanting to have some small talk while she set up her medieval instruments. She had some leather drums, a fiddle, and a concert base that she wanted to show off for her guest.
"Mmmmfrgle," replied Featherweight through the sweet, sweaty sock in his mouth.
Now Twilightsparkle was angry, and she turned and glared at the young boy pony. "All you had was grass? You didn't even have eggs?!"
Featherweight shook his head, and Twilightsparkle's rage hit its peak. "You imbecilic eater, great green globs couldn't possibly be sweeter than a pile of eggs."
Featherweight was inclined to disagree. "Mmmfrlglrp," he explained eloquently.
Now Twilightsparkle had had it up to here with this aggravation. "You leaf-loving, bush-burping, stem-smelling, garbage-gorging, plant-popping, tree-tasting, dirt-devouring beast! You need to eat eggs, thrice a day at least!"
Looking at the word count, Twilight was satisfied that she'd managed to waste some with her small talk, so she got back to the task at hoof. "Alright, here's the plan. 1. I'm gonna torture you. 2. I'm gonna rape you. 3. I'm going to murder you. 4. I'm going to eat your corpse. How does that sound?" Twilight could barely stop herself from laughing as she saw the fear in his eyes. He didn't even know he was being tricked.
"Mmmmmrrrgllllrrgl!" he cried for help from the murlocs as he shook his head. Unfortunately, they wouldn't hear him down here.
"You're legs are so thin," commented Twilightsparkle, intentionally using the wrong form of 'your' just to trick Featherweight even more. Without waiting for a written invitation, Twilight reached out with her magic and easily snapped one of his legs in half, hearing a resounding pop that echoed through the small room. "Wow, that was really easy. I wonder if I could break all three of your other legs at once," Twilightsparkle wondered aloud as she chewed on the Slimjim-like appendage in her magic grip.
It was so easy, Twilight hardly realized she'd broken off all his legs, aside from the snapping sound. They were like pencils, and she wondered how he managed to even walk. Featherweight was panicking and bleeding everywhere, which made Twilightsparkle almost burst out into laughter and ruin the whole prank. After a few seconds she got herself under control. "Oh come on, legs grow back," she said before turning to her pigeon and whispering, "no they don't."
Now it was time for the next part of the plan. She put on her humongous, black strap on, and got up onto the table, straddling Featherweight. "You like that, little man?" she said like a cheesy porn star. However, this was just too much for her, and she burst out laughing. She couldn't do anymore, this was just too funny.
"Haha, I guess the gig is up, you should have seen the look on your face," Twilightsparkle said as she looked at Featherweight's face, bearing the marks of overwhelming pain. He'd been trying to scream through his gag this whole time, but he simply couldn't make any sound loud enough for me to convert it into a quote.
"You were being recorded this whole time," Twilight explained as she pointed to the camera crew that was hiding in the corner. They all came out and waved, recording Featherweight's stunned reaction. "Lol, this is going on Youtube, you idiot," said Twilightsparkle smugly, knowing she'd be getting a million views.
Then AshtonKutcher popped out of nowhere. "Haha, you've been punked," he yelled, revealing that he was the one tricking Twilightsparkle all along. "Featherweight was part of my plan to trick you. He was in on it the whole time, and we coaxed you into a snafu."
"Oh my Got, AshtonKutcher! I love you. Wow, I've been tricked so hard, I didn't even know I was being bamboozled."
Then a second camera crew revealed itself from another corner, showing they'd been recording everything all along. "I'm gonna put this on Youtube and get a million views," said AshtonKutcher. But wait, what's that in the rafters?
It was yet another camera crew, and they were even bigger, and better than the other camera crews. "We're recording this into a fanfiction. We're gonna put it on fimfiction.net and get a million views," they said, tricking everyone. Haha, April fools.
Meanwhile, Featherweight had bled to death. And they all lived happily ever after, and this story was featured. The end.
