Derpy Vignettes

by Kaylee

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Doctor Whooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Dinky Hooves, Romance
Length: 3811

Bits and pieces from the life of Derpy Hooves.

Moments from Derpy's life. I've always felt that there is a lot more depth to Derpy than most people show. These glimpses into her life and mind help flesh out the Derpy that I've come to know.

All readings by VisualPony

Petrichor (silly fluff) - Reading
Her Light (sad/hopeful) - Reading
First Meeting (romance/comedy) - Reading
Achoo! (comedy) - Reading
Fitted (comedy) - Reading

Published 2016-04-01 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-01 18:59:06 UTC

Petrichor

Derpy peaked her head out the Post Office door. She didn’t see anybody around, the rain having chased most people indoors. She was done with work for the day and she had plans. Big plans. She had been looking forward to this ever since she saw a rain shower on the weather schedule.

Stepping out of the building, Derpy looked around, searching for the perfect target. Her first one needed to be perfect. Large enough that her attack would produce a satisfactory reaction.

Aha! There it was. Right in the middle of the street.

Crouching down, Derpy crept up to her target. When she was about a foot away, she got into position, gathered all of her energy, and with a small wiggle of her tail, she leapt on her unsuspecting victim.

SPLASH!

Derpy landed right in the middle of the large puddle, sending water flying everywhere. Laughing, she stomped her hooves up and down, splashing water all over and drenching herself in the process.

She loved it. There was nothing as fun as a good rainstorm. Puddle jumping had been one of her favorite activities when she was a filly, and she wasn’t giving it up just because she was grown up. What’s the point of growing up if you can’t be silly anymore?

Singing a wordless tune to herself, Derpy headed home, jumping from puddle to puddle as she went.

Author's Note

This bit of silliness was actually read by Red Tiger before I ever got around to posting it here. Go give it a listen. He did a great job.

Her Light

There’s something special about this time of day. That liminal moment when the sky has begun to lighten, but the sun isn’t yet visible. Still quiet, but without the oppressive darkness that was present just hours before.

The lonely night was over, and there were a few minutes of peace before she had to face the day. Before she had to face the derision, pitying looks, and even outright cruelty that she encountered every day.

It’s a bit brighter now; that much closer to the time when she would have to return to the reality of her world. Some days she couldn’t help but wish that this feeling, this serenity, would last forever. There is a possible way. A way to avoid the pain and heartache that accompanied her all too frequently.

It would be easy. So easy to just leave it all behind. There were ways, even some that would be painless. Just a drifting that eventually led to nothingness and peace. A place where she could leave behind all of the stress that sometimes seemed to smother her.

A sliver of sun was now visible on the horizon. She sighed. Every morning, she faced this choice. She could keep struggling on, hoping that things would be better. Or she could just stop. Admit defeat and drift into memory, and eventually even beyond that.

The day was no longer quiet, as the town started to waken, the little sounds beginning to build on each other as the day truly began. She slowly pulled herself up from her perch on the roof of her house. She’d made her choice, the same one she had made everyday so far. She’d pull herself together, hiding the pain underneath a carefree smile.

Although it wasn’t always an easy decision to keep pushing on, there was one thing that kept her going. One truly bright light that she could hold onto. As long as she had that light, that one spot of hope and joy, she’d always make the same choice. No matter how dark things seemed, she couldn’t give up. She couldn’t risk doing anything to dim that light.

Spreading her wings, she glided down, lightly touching the ground. Inside, then up the stairs. Slowly she opened the bedroom door, being careful to not wake the occupant inside the room just yet.

Delicately making her way to the bed, she couldn’t help the smile that slowly stretched across her face. There was no way to not smile at the sight before her. Peeking out from a pile of fluffy, pink blankets was a small purple horn surrounded by a wild cloud of blonde hair. Small whistling snores also managed to escape from the pile of blankets. How could anybody not find some happiness confronted by such an adorable image?

Reaching out a hoof, she carefully pulled down the blankets, revealing a small, purple filly. “Sweetie, it’s time to wake up.”
There was a small grumble as one gold eye opened. A moment later, the other eye opened and a smile stretched across the small face. “Good morning, Mommy.”

“Good morning. Ready to get up?”

“Nu-uh. Not until you give me my morning kiss.”

“Of course, how could I have forgotten?”

The filly giggled, stretching out her arms for a hug.

She leaned down, hugging her daughter and placing a gentle kiss on her head. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”

This. This is why she she made the same decision every day. This is why she kept going. How could she not? She would do anything as long as she could look forward to moments like these. This bundle of love and joy in her embrace made it impossible to do anything but choose to keep living.

Her little one would always manage to push back the darkness.

Her daughter.

Her Dinky.

First Meeting

She could do this. How hard could it be to just walk up to some pony and introduce yourself?

“Derpy.”

Well, not just somepony.

“Hey, Derpy!”

Just the most handsome stallion she had ever seen.

“DERPY!”

Startled, Derpy looked up into a very annoyed pair of green eyes.

“Just what are you doin’ hiding behind my apples?”

Derpy grabbed Applejack, pulled her down behind the cart, and shoved a hoof in her mouth. “Shh!”

She peeked over some apples to make sure that he hadn’t seen her. It looked like she was safe.

“Mmph.” Applejack pulled Derpy’s hoof out of her mouth. “What in tarnation has gotten into you?”

“I can’t let him see me.”

“Let who see you?”

“Him!”

“Sugarcube, you’re gonna need to be a mite more specific than that.” Applejack tried to stand up, but Derpy quickly pulled her back down.

“That new stallion. The brown one with the hourglass cutie mark.”

“You mean the one settin’ up that new clock shop?”

“That’s him.”

“Exactly why do you need to be hidin’ from him?”

“I...well...see…”

“Ahh, I get it. You fancy him.”

Derpy’s face turned bright red under her grey coat and Applejack chuckled.

“Why don’t you just go up to him and introduce yourself?” Applejack asked.

“I can’t do that!” Derpy shot Applejack a horrified look. “He’s probably already heard about how accident prone I am and then he’ll see my eyes and he’ll think I’m just a dumb little mare like everypony says and then--”

This time it was Applejack’s turn to shove a hoof in Derpy’s mouth. “Now listen here. Anybody who knows you knows you aint dumb. If he decides you’re not smart afore he gets to know you, he ain’t good ‘nough for you anyhow.” Applejack removed her hoof and gave Derpy a gentle shove. “Just go and introduce yourself.”

“I can’t.” Derpy’s head dropped. “It’ll all go wrong.”

“That’s it, missy.” Applejack stood, pulling the other mare up with her.

Derpy tried to dart away, but Applejack grabbed Derpy’s tail in her mouth and dragged her towards the stallion. Derpy tried to get away, but soon gave up. There was no way for her to escape from the stronger earth pony.

The came to a halt and Applejack released her tail.

“Howdy, mister.” Derpy heard Applejack say.

Derpy dragged herself upright and slowly turned around, still blushing and refusing to look at the stallion.

“Hello, miss…”

“Name’s Applejack. I heard you was new in town.”

“Why yes, I just moved here. I’m Time Turner. Pleased to meet you.”

“This here’s my friend, Derpy.” Applejack elbowed Derpy. Hard.

“Hi,” Derpy squeaked, hiding behind her mane.

“She’s the mailmare in this town. Since you’re new and she knows this place better’n anypony else, I was thinkin’ she could show you around.”

“Well, that would be wonderful. I have to admit that I’ve already managed to get myself turned around a few times.” Time Turner ducked his head toward Derpy, trying to meet her gaze. “Miss Derpy, I would be very grateful if you would be willing to give me a tour of Ponyville. I’m sure you would be the best pony to help me get to know the place and introduce me to people.”

Derpy slowly lifted her head, slowly meeting his gaze. She had expected to get some sort of negative reaction once, he noticed her eyes, but his smile never wavered. Feeling a bit more confident, Derpy stopped hiding and responded in a voice that was only slightly quieter than her normal volume.

“Well, I do know Ponyville pretty well. If you really want me to, I could show you around.”

“Great!” Time Turner beamed. “Are you possibly free right now? If so, you could show me around for a bit and then I could take you to lunch. I’m sure you know the best place to get a sandwich.”

Derpy perked right up. “Oh, I do! I know all the best places for food. And after lunch, I can take you to Sugarcube Corner! They have the most amazing muffins!”

Derpy and Time Turner walked away, Derpy still happily telling him the best places to go for all of her favorite treats. Applejack smiled as the two took off, deep in conversation and never noticing that they had left Applejack behind. They were going to do just fine without her.

Achoo!

The sun was shining. The flowers were blooming. The birds were singing. It was the perfect Spring day.

“ACHOO!”

CRASH!

Well, perfect for everypony except Derpy, who swore she was allergic to the whole season.

“Stupid flowers and their stupid pollen,” she grumbled as she extracted herself from the tree she had flown into after that last sneeze.

At least she hadn’t crashed through a window or into another pony this time. A bit clumsy at the best of times, her allergies had made things a million times worse. Each sneeze had a good chance of sending her careening drastically off course.

All four hooves now firmly on the ground, Derpy did a quick check for injuries and to make sure that she hadn’t lost any mail. Fortunately, the flap on her mailbag had stayed securely closed this time. She hadn’t been so lucky yesterday.

Taking flight again, Derpy resumed making her way to Sugarcube Corner. It was her last stop of the day and then all she had to do was get the outgoing mail to the post office without killing herself or anypony else.

Derpy breathed a sigh of relief as she landed in front of the building. She had made it. She was in one piece, she hadn’t lost any mail, and she hadn’t broken anything. She walked into Sugarcube Corner, the cheerful ding of the bell above the door immediately grabbing the attention of the pink pony behind the counter.

“Yay! Mail time! Anything for me?” Pinkie Pie bounced over the counter, landing so she was nose to nose with Derpy.

Sniff “Yep, a letter for you and two for the Cakes.” Derpy nosed through her mailbag, finally finding the three letters and grabbing them in her teeth. “Mmrph mmph mmph.”

Pinkie took the mail and set it on the counter. She turned back to Derpy with a concerned look on her face. “Are you okay, Derpy? You’re a bit snuffly and your eyes are red.”

Sniff. “Just allergies. It’s like this every Spring with all the pollen in the air. It’ll go away eventually.” Sniff.

“That’s awful!” Pinkies pulled Derpy into a big hug. “Maybe we can see if Twilight can use her magic to turn off the pollen making bits in all of the plants.”

Derpy pulled herself out of Pinkies arms and smiled. “I don’t think it works that way, Pinkie.”

“You’re probably right.” Pinkie said, frowning. After a few seconds she perked up again. “Hey! Do you want a muffin? Those always make you feel better!”

“Not today.” Sniff. “I’m already running late and need to get this mail to the post office before I get into trouble.”

“Okey dokey! See you tomorrow!” Pinkie called as Derpy turned and headed out the door.

Once outside, Derpy double checked to make sure her bag was securely fastened and took off. She had barely gotten all four hooves off the ground when she felt it. That tickle in her nose that signaled on approaching sneeze.

AH-

Oh, no. This was going to be a bad one.

AH-

Derpy rubbed her nose in a desperate attempt to not finish sneezing.

ACHOO!

Eyes closed, Derpy tumbled backwards through the air, hoping her landing wouldn’t be too painful.

CRASH!

Derpy felt herself crash into a hard surface that quickly gave way, dumping her onto her back.

Ding!

Derpy opened her eyes to see Pinkie Pie’s concerned face looking down at her.

“I think I’ll go ahead and get that muffin now.”

Fitted

Derpy glared at the bundle of fabric sitting on her bed. It was pretty fabric - a light blue - and really soft. Unfortunately, it also seemed to be on a mission to drive Derpy insane.

She grabbed a bit of the fabric and shook it out so it was more or less flat instead of bundled up. She was going to fold that fitted sheet if it killed her.

“Alright, you turn the sheet inside out. That’s simple. Now I put one hoof in that corner and one in the next corner.”

Derpy was now balanced on her hind legs, the sheet hanging down from her front hooves.

“Now I need to put that corner inside the other corner.” Derpy brought her hooves together and managed to put one corner inside of the other.

“So far, so good.” She glanced down at the two corners down near the ground. “But how am I supposed to get those two corners together?”

After a bit of thinking, Derpy decided to carefully lay the sheet down on the floor, being careful not to pull apart the corners that she had matched together. She walked around the sheet to the unmatched corners and stuffed one corner into the other. Derpy grinned. She’d done it!

She looked at the other end of the sheet and her face fell. She’d managed to pull apart the first two corners while she was working on the other two corners. Maybe if she stood on one end while she worked on the other end? That might work. She placed her back hooves on the matched end of the sheet, being careful to put one hoof on top of the paired corners so they couldn’t pull apart. She carefully walked her front hooves along the sheet, being careful to keep her rear legs firmly in pace. Just a little bit more-- “Umph!” Derpy fell flat on her belly, all four legs splayed out and pulling the sheet with them.

Derpy banged her head against the floor and sighed. Time for a new plan. Maybe she should just try to pretend the elastic corners didn’t exist.

She straightened the sheet out on the floor, but this time she pulled the edges in a few inches on all sides, so the stretchy parts were no longer at the corners of the rectangle. Now she didn’t have to worry about trying to fit any corners into each other. She could just fold it like the flat sheet. It was brilliant!

Or not. A few minutes later she had two folded sheets sitting next to each other on her bedroom floor. The flat sheet was folded into a tidy square. The fitted sheet...wasn’t. Now, it shouldn’t have been that difficult. Just fold it in half multiple times until it was a nice square shape. So why did it look more like an inflated circle than a flat square? Maybe she just needed to compress it a bit.

Turning around she plopped her butt onto the rebellious sheet. She bounced up and down on it a few times, just to make sure it was as flat as possible. This had to work.

Derpy stood up, turned around, and glared at the sheet, just daring it to defy her. Evidently her glare wasn’t terrifying enough, since the sheet immediately started to puff up again. It was probably her eyes. Maybe if her eyes weren’t all wonky, it would have taken her glare more seriously.

Enough was enough. Derpy jumped up and down on the sheet a few times and then kicked it across the room. The sheet hit the wall and slid down to land in a crumpled heap on the floor. Derpy turned her back on the evil bundle of fabric and walked out of the room.

She returned a few minutes later with a small shipping box and a roll of tape. She taped the bottom of the box closed and set the box on the floor next to the possessed sheet. She picked up the sheet with her mouth and dropped it onto the box and started to shove it in.

“You”

Shove.

“are going”

Shove.

“to be a square”

Shove.

“one way”

Shove.

“or another.”

It was a tight fit, but the sheet was finally stuffed into the small box. She lifted her hooves and quickly slammed the box flaps down. Holding the flaps in place with one hind hoof, she used her front hooves to securely tape the box closed.

Derpy grinned at the box. “That’ll teach you to disobey me.” She told the package.

She grabbed the box and the neatly folded flat sheet and put them away in the linen closet. Closing the closet door, she trotted cheerfully back towards her bedroom.

*pop, rustle*

Derpy froze. That was the unmistakable sound of a box coming untaped.

“Why you little #$%!”

The Perfect Gift

What if she’s disappointed?

Derpy watched her daughter pick up the box wrapped in bright red paper and topped with a big silver bow. Dinky had a huge grin on her face and was radiating excitement as she shook the box, listening for any noise that might give a clue about what was inside.

I know she really wanted that doll, but it just cost too much.

“Mommy! This one has my name on it!”

Celestia knows I tried to make as many extra bits as I could, but it wasn’t quite enough.

“See, Dinky, I told you that Santa Hooves wouldn’t forget to bring you a present.”

Derpy’s stomach twisted. I know some of her friends are getting that doll for Hearth’s Warming. I don’t want her to feel left out.

“Can I open it now? Please?” Dinky was bouncing in place, tightly holding on to the wrapped box.

I know we don’t have much, but I try my best to make her happy.

“Bring it over here so I can watch you open it.”

Dinky grabbed the bow with her teeth and carried the gift over to her mom. Derpy wrapped her wing around Dinky, hugging her as the filly began to tug at the wrapping paper.

Please don’t let her be too upset that she didn’t get what she wanted.

Dinky tore the last of the colored paper off the box, throwing the torn remnants off to the side, and then lifted the lid. She reached into the box and lifted out a soft bundle of blue fabric. Once removed from the box, it was easy to see that the bundle was pony-shaped.

It wasn’t the best looking doll. The body was all dark blue with mismatched purple buttons for eyes and light blue yarn for the mane and tail. One leg was a bit shorter than the other three and the ears were more than a little lopsided.

“Mommy…” Dinky trailed off, the confusion on her face obvious.

Oh no. Derpy’s heart dropped.

“This…this looks like your blanket, Mommy.”

What should I do? She’s going to think that she’s not as important as the other foals. That Santa Hooves likes them better. I don’t want her to think that she’s somehow less deserving than her friends.

“I--” Derpy began.

“Mommy, did you make this from your blanket?”

“No, of course not. Santa Hooves brought it--”

“Mommy!" Dinky interrupted. "I’m six years old. I know Santa Hooves isn’t real.”

“Umm...yes…I made it...” Derpy whispered, hanging her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Mommy!” Dinky threw herself at Derpy, wrapping her hooves around her mother's neck. “You love your special blanket. Why did you cut it up? Grandma made that blanket.”

Derpy hugged her daughter close. “I did love that blanket. It was very special to me. It became even more special once I had you and we would sleep under it together on cold nights. It made me sad when it started to wear out and I had to put it away to keep it safe.”

“Me too.” Dinky said. “Sometimes, while you were at work, I’d take it out of its special box and wrap up in it.”

Derpy laughed softly. “I know. I caught you a few times. A few weeks ago I found you wrapped up in it, taking a nap. I knew we couldn’t use it as a blanket anymore, but there were parts of it that were still in good shape. I know you wanted that doll that all the other fillies are getting. I’m sorry I couldn’t get that for you.” Derpy’s ears drooped. “I know I’m not very good at sewing and it’s not a very pretty doll. I just thought that making it out of that blanket would mean you could still sleep with it at night again. I’m sorry.”

Derpy’s heart felt like it was breaking. She’d failed her daughter. Dinky had looked forward to Hearth’s Warming all year, and Derpy had just let her down.

“Mommy, this is the best present ever.”

Derpy froze, then pulled her head back to look at her daughter. “But you wanted that doll, and I couldn’t get it for you.”

“Well yeah, I did.” Dinky rolled her eyes. “But everybody is going to have that doll. Nobody else’s mommy made theirs. Mine’s special. It’s from my grandma and my mommy.” Dinky’s voice lowered to a whisper. “Besides, that doll is kind of ugly. This one is much prettier.”

Derpy chuckled, pulling her daughter closer. “I love you, Dinky. Happy Hearth’s Warming.”

“I love you too, Mommy.”