Chapter one, Well.... shit. (Edited)
I stood there, or rather sat there with a thousand yard stare. The news that the damned Draconequus just gave me hit me rather hard.
“So let me see if I got this correctly, you brought me here during the heat season,”
“Yes,” Discord replied.
“You turned me into an alicorn and amplified my natural musk so that no mare would be able to fight the pheromones I gave off,” I asked once more.
“What better way to make things easy?” he remarked, causing my eye to twitch.
“...and when you tried to make me sterile for the little prank, you forgot that sterility spells have no effect on alicorns?” I asked once more.
“How was I supposed to know they had natural fertility magic?” he asked.
“Now I’m being hunted down by three princesses, two musicians, a Wonderbolt, a thestral guard, a traveling magician, an animal caretaker…” I pause to take a breath. “A pony who makes the fourth wall cry in the corner, the fastest pegasus alive, a changeling queen, and a griffin.”
“...and a school teacher,” he adds.
“And a school teacher. Yes, let's not forget flower ass. Anyone else I missed?!”
“Well… you may have forgotten a princess,” Discord adds. Oh no, it’s official, I’m dead. Well, even more so than before, but still, can this get any worse? I don’t think I should say that.
“OK, so four princesses, one of whom is married to another's over protective brother that’ll likely murder me once he gets his hooves on me, that’s if the others don’t kill me first,” I summed up the situation. “Anyone else?” Say no, please say no.
“No, I think that’s about it,” he replied after thinking for a moment. Well at least I know most of the cast, their friends, family and guard want me dead. Not a bad day, ‘eh?
“So… what now? Couldn’t you just send me back home? They couldn’t find me could they?” I ask hoping for the best.
“See, the thing is, since you now have magic in you, it can’t be taken out without killing you. It sort of merged with your lifeforce when you were turned back into a human.” he explained.
“And? What does me having magic have to do with anything?” I asked lost on what he was getting at.
“The magic I used as a catalyst to turn you into an alicorn were bits and pieces of the princesses left over magic that they give off when casting spells. While you aren't related to them, you are connected to them. So all they need to do to find you, is track down your magic using that connection to find you. The only reason they haven’t already is because I brought you to this little pocket universe and shielded it from their senses,” he said motioning to the the white void around us.
“So what you're saying is,” I say and motion for him to finish the sentence.
“Is that the moment you leave here you're on their radar,” he finished.
“Can’t you fix this!?” I yell, but before he could say anything an odd noise interrupted the conversation and a blue police box materialized in. The door opened and a brown earth pony walked out.
“‘Fraid he can’t, that is a fixed point in time, and there are several fixed points in time involving a few of the foals,” the new comer said.
“Doctor?” I asked.
“The Doctor.” He replied.
“How are you here? Don’t pocket universes drain the TARDIS?” I asked quizzically.
“You’re right, but it’s more of the pocket universe trapping the TARDIS inexorably in said universe, then the pocket universe collapses into quantum foam. Luckily, we have Discord here,” he explains. He leans in closer. “Honestly, just call it magic and be done with it,” he whispers.
“Huh, I see… anyway, give it to me straight Doc, how screwed am I?” I asked, diverting the conversation back to its main points.
“Not very, you're protected by several equestrian laws, and the only ones that could hurt you won’t break them. Since you are an alicorn, you are by default royalty. So attacking you when you have done nothing illegal would be like attacking one of the princesses.
“And since you sired several foals with royalty you have to be around for them, since there are so few stallions you don’t have to worry about being harmed. It’s like reverse woman's right there, only another stallion could harm you and get away with it. Another thing, since you went and got the princesses pregnant, Celestia is making you marry them,”
“Wait… I got all of the princesses? What about Cadence? She already is married.” I say. How do I marry a married mare? Ooo, that’s a tongue twister… kind of. More of a lip mangler than anything else.
“See that’s the last thing, since you sired a foal with Cadence before Shining, even though it’s not possible for him to do so in the first place, you have to duel for her, and she will either have to divorce Shining and marry you, or you die and she stays with Shining Armor,” he explains.
“Heheh, for a moment a moment there I thought you said I have to die,” I say, not really believing what he said.
“You heard me correctly, it’s a death batt-lch” he didn’t even finish when I gently wrap my hands around his throat and squeeze. Hard.
“So you're telling me I have to fight the former captain of the royal guard to the death?” I say calmly.
“It’s ancient alicorn law, not even the princesses can overrule it…” He manages to get out as his face slowly begins the change from brown to blue
“MUFFIIIINS!!!” I hear a feminine voice yell, and then everything goes dark.
3rd pov
“He nearly killed me!” the time lord shouted.
“Forgive him, he's under a lot of stress right now,” Discord said to him.
“That’s no excuse for attacking the Doctor!” said Derpy as she hugged the doctor protectively and glared at the unconscious human.
“Yes well, regardless we need to get him ready to fight Shining. I have nothing against him but Shining isn’t part of anymore fixed points in time. I don’t like this anymore then he does, but Faust and Eclipse aren’t budging on this.” The Doctor said while rubbing his throat with his hoof.
“I almost feel sorry for Shining Armor, but this is going to be a rather one sided fight,” Discord said.
“Do they really have to fight to the death Doctor?” Derpy said, somewhat depressed about the thought. Murder was almost unheard of in Equestria, and here they are about to get ready to prepare somepony to fight another to the death.
“I’m afraid so. Alicorn law strictly states when an alicorn mare conceives a foal with another stallion other than the one she is with the two stallions must fight for the right to keep her. I know it’s barbaric, but that’s how it has been since the times of old. It was a way to keep the world to be overpopulated. Even now they will not change that law,” the Doctor stated clearly.
“Let’s stop wasting time here then, we have to get him ready to fight,” Discord said as he walked into the TARDIS with the human floating in his magic behind him.
“No ma, please… I don’t wanna go to school,” the human said as he began to stir awake.
“Ah good. It seems like he’s coming around,” the Doctor remarked.
1st pov
Holy jesus, My head. What happened? Last thing I remember is talking to the Doctor, and then pain, lots of pain, and then nothing. Now it feels like someone put a bucket on my head and proceeded to beat it with a sledge hammer.
“Finally awake I see,” the Doctor said.
“Thanks, Prince Obvious. You’re a doctor, do you think you can give me anything to fix the hell my head is in right now?” I ask him.
“No, I don’t. You deserve it anyway for being an ass. I’m also not that kind of Doctor. I’m fairly certain you know this,” the smug bastard said.
“Anywho, I think it would be a good idea to get started,” Discord said.
“Huh? Get started on what?” I asked.
“Your training, silly,” said a slightly familiar voice. I turn around to see who it was and was met by the sight at one of the most adorable ponies in MLP franchise, Derpy. I suppose I could have reacted better.
“Deeeerpy!!!! EEEEEEEEE!!!” I gave a rather embarrassing fanboy scream. I wonder why Twilight and Fluttershy didn’t run when I did that.
“Eep!” She ran and hid behind the Doctor.
“Oi! Hands off! This is my mare, not for you,” the Doctor said sternly.
“Oh calm down, he was just having a fanboy moment. Now, let’s get you back into your new permanent form shall we?” Discord said. His magic began to surround me and dig deep into me latching on to the energy that had become one with me. My fingers withdrew into my hands as they turned into hooves, my face elongated into a muzzle, my clothes turned into fur, a spire began to sprout from the top of my forehead, my shoulder blades changed to accommodate the feathery appendages on my back, and finally the transformation was complete. Rather than a five-foot-ten human, I was now a seven foot alicorn with a foot long horn adding another foot to my overall height.
“Well, that was an experience, wasn’t it?” I said, in all honesty it felt like my bones were turned to clay during the process and remolded, and my flesh was made of peanut butter. I can appreciate the changes it made to my… good bits. Instead of the average six inch girth and little pebbles humans have, I’m now sporting a healthy sized eighteen inch monster with a couple of wrecking balls behind it. Not bad if I do say so myself.
“D...Doctor I need your help…” Derpy said shaking in place.
“Hmm? What with Derpy?” asked the Doctor. A dripping noise was heard shortly after.
“Woopsy! Forgot to turn off the super pheromones,” Discord said and switched them off with a snap of his talon. “Don’t worry I’ll handle things from here Doc!” Discord said as the pegasus mare dragged him away by his tail.
“So, let’s get started, shall we?” I said nervously. I’m a pacifist, not a soldier! Now I have to learn how to fight well enough to beat a seasoned soldier. Shit.
“Indeed. No point in having all that power without knowing how to use it, ‘eh? So I assume you still know what I taught you before, correct?” he asked.
“As if I could forget,” I deadpan. “The migraine I had after you crammed it in was worse than the biggest hangover, period,” I say. When he first brought me to equestria, and after he first turned me into a pony, he crammed the basics into my head. Stuff like walking, flying and basic magic and such. There were a few higher level spells he taught me just in case I needed them; teleportation, invisibility and basic shield craft to be specific.
“Good! Because unlike before I won’t be able to take a shortcut with what I will be teaching you, the complexity would drive you insane or kill you if I were to just shove it all in there,” he explains. Well... at least I won’t have to deal with another headache.
“Alright, let's do this. What’s first?” I asked.
“The first will be advanced motions, fighting techniques, basic shield craft and flying. We aren’t stressed for time in here so we’ll be teaching you everything you need to know and more. Hope you're ready Leo,” Discord says. You know, I can’t help think, that if I had said no before... how would my life had ended up?
Four months prior.
Leo’s pov
It’s funny how life works. You make plans and sometimes they happen. Sometimes you get halfway into them and you think ‘well shit, this sucks’. Other times you find out about something better and make new plans. This is what has happened to me the past year. During the last year, my mom passed from this world. It was heartbreaking, but at the same time a relief. You may be thinking, “Hey Leo, that’s just heartless to be relieved over your mother's death.” To that I would say, “you don’t know the situation.”
You see some people are addicts. Plain and simple. Yes, there is rehab support and all, but there are some people who are just beyond help. They can’t be helped... I know by experience. My entire childhood my mother had these issues and it slowly but surely destroyed her life. For years she went to rehab, she had the support of her friends and family, but she was one of those people that no matter what you did, or what you gave her, just couldn’t stop. She faced depression when my dad left, that never went away. She had a job working with the severely mentally handicapped up in the developmental center. Some of the people in there don’t realize their own strength or to hold back. Since some of them were full grown men and women, they could bite, punch and leave one in a bad state.
It left her disabled to the point that she had to have me help her walk ten feet to the restroom and back. The drugs slowly destroyed the rest of her, it didn’t help that she had stents in her heart and smoked a minimum of two packs of cigarettes a day either, plus being diabetic and not taking care of it didn’t help at all. How could she afford that much you ask? She was a sitech at the developmental center. Now you may be wondering what she did drugwise... Meth? Nope. Heroin? Not a chance. LSD? What is it the eighties? No what she did was not illegal, mostly. She abused prescription drugs. Drugs that doctors give you. Stuff that the government okays. Soma, Vicodin, Benzodiazepine, and Xanax are just the few that I can remember. Soma is a muscle relaxant that often made me think she was dead. I sometimes found her passed out on the floor. Vicodin would make her loopy; she once asked one of my friends if they wanted to “see my kid” while on the stuff. I haven’t even lost my virginity yet.
Benzos were by far the worst of them all. I dreaded when she got her hands on those. Thankfully due to her insanely high tolerance to drugs it took a lot to effect her, but the times that she did were ones I dreaded, especially before I turned eighteen. When she was on a benzo trip she wasn’t my mother anymore, she was a demon. She would do things like... get a knife and start cutting herself then call the cops to get me or my brother arrested, throw shit at me, and on the worst night I can remember, trashed the house, called the cops and had me arrested. I couldn’t leave because she could have said that I was a runaway and done who knows what else. The next day I went back into foster care.
Roughly a year ago, all the years of drug use had finally killed her. She had been slowly dying for a while, but we had no idea when she would go. Every day for a couple of years could have been it, but one night we had a fight. I let out all my bottled up anger on how her drug abuse was slowly killing her, and later that night I found her in a bad state... Soma I’m guessing. I had the ambulance pick her up again. The next morning I was on my way to school and got a call from the hospital saying that she was in a bad state. I called my teacher and went straight to the hospital. Her heart apparently stopped for ten minutes before they could start it up again. The lack of oxygen left her higher brain functions dead, and they lost her for another fifteen minutes again while I was there. They said she maybe had another twenty four hours left before she passed. The next day when I called to check on her I found out she had passed at 7:00 PM that night.
After her death I was lost. She was my mom, and despite her problems I still love her deeply. I tried college for a couple of month, I immediately hated it. I was staying with my friends family at the time, and because of the location we were in, getting a job was near impossible. My friends dad made me move out a little bit later. I then moved out with my brother to Arizona. It was great for a while, but the job I had paid very little and I couldn’t have survived alone on it. That’s when my other brother told me about a job I could get that was honestly amazing. Quad/Graphics. I needed to get an entry level job first, but it was more than enough to support myself.
Now I’m just sitting here at home at my computer enjoying my secret pleasure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Yeah I know I’m a grown man but hey, It’s my life, I’ll live it how I want. I’m at a loss as what to do though. I just finished an amazing fic trilogy, and I am kinda no longer in the mood for FimFiction. Maybe a YouTube session for now. However, before I go to switch over to YouTube, my computer screen goes pink for some unknown reason. “What the hell..?”
“Congratulations!!!” a familiar voice shouts out. And an all too familiar asymmetrical face pops out of my computer screen.
“.....AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!” I scream as I make a break for my door only to have it pick itself of the wall and walk over next to the fictional character who has an amused expression on his face.
“Wha.. Y-You're… How!?” I ask.
“Multiverse theory ain’t no theory, bucko!” he says and floats over to me. “And I have a little proposition for you,” he says
“Y-yeah? And what is it if you don’t mind me asking,” I say nervously.
“I need your help. You see, I recently told Tia that I could find a stallion that could knock her up if I wanted to, and then she challenged me to a wager saying that I couldn’t. The rules were simple, I couldn’t use my magic to change anypony on Equus so that he could. And I foolishly agreed, she only told me after we shook on it that only an alicorn could do the deed and that there were no living alicorn stallions left.
“Now here is the deal, I can’t make alicorns with my magic on anyone on Equus, even without that rule because that would require magic on par with the Tree of Harmony. You however don’t have magic what-so-ever! So I can mold you into one using bits and pieces of alicorn magic that I have been able to collect over the past year. Your job, will be to go to Equestria during the heat season and go wild, but by the end you have to get at Celestia before it’s over. I will help you accomplish this, so don’t worry about anything. Now you won’t actually have to get her pregnant, just make her think you are. She agreed to the wager so when I show her you, all you need to do is show her a good time. And don’t worry about getting anypony pregnant. I’ll cast a sterility spell on you for your stay,” he explained.
“So that’s it? You turn me into a sterile alicorn and I go to Equestria and get laid left and right?” I ask.
“Essentially,” he replied.
“To Equestria then!” I say bombastically.
“Onward ho!” He said in victory and pulled me through the computer screen.
Author's Note
thought I make another story for consistent writing, and before you start the hate comments, that wasn't a made up backstory for Leo, it's my life story. all that actually happened to me. so no it wasn't some attempt at making an overly sad backstory. shout out to all my fellow former foster kids. and to the ones still in the system
