Author's Note

WARNING: This series contains the following...

Gore...
Sex... (Though not technically clop)
Swearing...
Silliness...
Crude humour...
Occasional dark themes...
And a delicious amount of hamminess.

If you can stomach such series as: Sanity Not Included, Deadpool, The Venture Bros., Metal Gear Solid, and other such series, this will be a cakewalk.

If you can't, well, there's nothing I can really do to stop you, just read at your own risk.

Pilot 1a - Black Dawn (Part 1)

My name is Jack Ripper, and I am a villain of the Enterprise Villainy International League, or EVIL for short. I was captured as a foal and served as a minion for Black Sun, a common villain of the league. During his career, he died and I was given a choice, either become a villain of the EVIL myself, or try to make it alone in the outside world. For it was the only thing I knew, causing crime and chaos to the outside world, I became a villain.

Under the name Black Dawn, I have started my villainous career from the ashes of my leader. I have made many friends during my career, fellow villains of the EVIL. Almost every day, fate would throw something at us that would change our lives for better or worse. Alongside my friends, I rose through the ranks, from a Level 0 minion, to something beyond my wildest dreams.

These are my stories. These are my friends' stories. These are the stories of the daily life of a villain.

It has been a week since I have seen any form of land. My body is tired of the waves, my mind is exhausted from what I've had to put up with on this ship, my body and my mind are both sick after who-knows how many times I puked into the ocean. However, this torture will all be worth it, for at this night, with the stars wishing me good luck, my life will begin anew, my new life as a villain of the Enterprise Villainy International League, or EVIL for short. A little over a month ago, I saw my master and father figure die in the line of duty by the hooves of his sworn enemy. He was disintegrated by a magic superbeam, and all that was left of him was his cape. I was enraged to see such a great pony go, he taught me everything I knew then. However, I used my anger to an advantage, and used it to become a villain just like him and continue his legacy. I have taken every test the EVIL has thrown at me and I have gathered all of my material assets in which to use in my future career. Now it is only a matter of time before I am personally judged by the higher-ups of the EVIL, and given the official title of an actual villain.

Some ponies may ask me: Why I do this? Why do I want to become a villain, and attack those who otherwise don't deserve it? My answer, is like most other others? There is no other choice. The world that ponies call "civil" is kill-or-be-killed, and usually, you have no choice on what side you're on. You are either born the predator, the rich tycoon, the royal, or the prey, the lower class, the weak. Out there, I am as good as dead, but in here, in the line of villainy, I have a chance. All I need is just enough to get started.

Jack examined his recently written memoirs in the moon's glow, making sure every word sounded perfect.

Did one of my sentences sound too pretentious? He thought, Did I use improper grammar? Did I forget to cross a T or dot an I?

His journal slowly slid across the railing in unison with the rolling waves that surrounded the boat. It teased Jack as he watched over the book, every time the boat would sway, the book would appear to draw closer and closer to the edge of the rail and eventually fall into the black and blue abyss. But Jack knew this was only a trick of his mind, and he continued to examine his newest entry despite the book's movements.

Back and forth, the journal slid.

Back and forth...

Back and forth...

Back and forth...

"Gah!" Jack roared in irritation. His right wing immediately sprung open and swiped the book from the rail, tucking it under his wing and clutched tightly to his side. His heart began to race and he could feel his veins pop in his forehead. In a matter of seconds, his quick burst of irritation turns into anxiety, as Jack began to contemplate what just happened. If he can't handle a book sliding across the railing of a boat, how is he supposed to keep his cool as an official villain?

The sound of the boat's horn broke his train of thought however, the sign that the boat was about to reach the EVIL Headquarters. Quickly, Jack scurried down into the ship's hull and joined with the other members on board. Ponies, griffons, and several other creatures were all jammed into a small storage room, with two small windows on each side of the room. Wanting to get a good view, Jack slithered his way through the crowd to the window. Next to the window stood a massive Earth pony stallion, wiping a large bowie knife with a serrated back-edge with a small cloth. His light blue coat of fur and golden mullet quite drastically contrasted the more darker ponies on board.

Not wanting to seem sketchy, Jack decided to politely greet the stallion.

He said, "Hi, I'm Ja-"

"Fuck off." The stallion brutally interrupted Jack.

"...okay." Jack whimpered as he shrank away. He kept his lips shut for the remained of the ride.

Everything seemed to be the same from when Jack was on deck just a few moments ago. However, that changed when the once skies were quickly blackened out by an ominous black fog coming from the horizon. The waters just below the window Jack was behind instantly turned violent and foamed like a rabid beast. The boat's horn roared twice more and the ponies braced themselves just before the ship began to viciously tilt from side to side, approaching the verge of capsizing. For a moment, Jack's stomach began to quiver in fear and his heart rate spiked once more. But his mind catches up to remind his body: This is all basic procedure.

The ship's horn blared three times, and without any sign, the ship instantly dropped down into the water, as if it was air. The ponies inside shuffled around and some even squealed, including Jack. As the ship sunk deeper and deeper, the surface soon turned into a black haze and everything else in view was water violently churning. Eventually though, the ship slowed in decent and visibility returned to Jack as he stared out the window. They were just above the seafloor, stiff as rock.

For a moment, everything turned quiet save for a few murmurers and pukers that kept the silence at bay. Then, outside the window, a tall black mass approached, quickly revealing itself as it latched onto the ship's side. It was a massive metal claw, having been summoned to transport the vessel. Another claw emerged from the murky distance and bit into the ship. Despite the rather violent treatment, the room Jack and everypony else was in was relatively dry thanks to the reinforced door to the hull. Swiftly, the claws dragged the ship away to their origin. Across the sea floor, into a massive underwater ravine, and through a series of rocky caverns, the ship and claws traveled.

Eventually, after several minutes of being dragged, the claws release the boat and swiftly retreated into separate caverns. Now facing forward, the ship gently glided through a long cavern. Two more, smaller claws emerged from ahead of them and latched onto the sides of the bow before proceeding to pull them deeper into the cave. The walls of the cave transitioned from being made of raw stone to refined steel, the cave's shape rounded out to a perfect circle, and the entire area was now lit with bright lights attached to the ceiling.

As the claws and the ship reached the flat edge of the tunnel, two massive doors slid out from the metal walls and sealed the boat inside. The claws then gently lowered the ship to the ground before water is then drained from the chamber. Small portions of the floor raised and held the ship steady as the claws released and the water sunk below the keel.

The boat's horn blared one final time, the sound of the reinforced door opening rung throughout the chamber, and the ponies inside immediately flooded out onto the deck. Excitement filled Jack as he climbed up the stairs and onto the deck. The ship's gangplank was then lowered down to the curved floor, and everypony silently marched down. The polished walls of the metal tube showed their reflection at every angle as they walked towards the end of the tunnel.

Jack looked over to his side to see the blue Earth pony walking right next to him. The knife the pony was polishing was now holstered in a brown leather belt at his hips. Its metal blade was exposed, and it was staring down Jack, watching his every movement. Nervous, Jack slowly walked away from the stallion and headed into the front of the group.

As the group reached the end of the tunnel, a small door ahead of them opened, and the receptionist stepped out from behind it. She was a small, somewhat stout unicorn with a light coat and an even lighter mane and tail, both wrapped in tight buns. The pack of villains stopped before the mare, with Jack taking special interest in her wide glasses. The mare adjusted her green porter hat and uniform before she pulled out a small clipboard from behind her and examined it.

She then announced to the crowd before her, reading her clipboard, "Greetings villains, welcome to the Enterprise Villainy International League Headquarters, the largest organization of sapient beings who have aligned themselves and assume the roles of professional villainy. I hope you've had a safe trip here. If you are here for the meeting, which takes place at 10:30pm, head to the main theatre. Lavatories are to your left past the gate. Maps of the EVIL can be found every three hundred metres and at all gates. Be sure to check out Wyvern's Tavern for their Wednesday Wasabi Special. Now, is any villain here new?"

Jack's hoof shot up. A deadly silence washed over the area.

Jack looked back. Nopony else was raising their hooves, claws, or anything. Nervous, he turned back around to be met with the judging grimace of the receptionist.

"Don't get your hopes too high kid." She silently mutters to him. "Just by looking at you, you're destined to be just cannon fodder."

He gulped a small pocket of air and slowly nodded.

"Alright then, if there are any questions you may have, seek a Q-And-A staff member. Remember to obey all bylaws and have a wonderful stay."

The surrounding villains collectively thanked the mare as she trotted back behind the door and closed it. The sounds of massive metal locks being released erupted throughout the chamber. The wall before the villains then rose up and folded at the top, revealing the EVIL Headquarters. It was a massive underground supercave, at least seven kilometres wide and half a kilometre tall. Eight main streets stretched out from the centre to the eight gates at the edges of the cave, and along each street lined hundreds of unique buildings, constructed from various materials ranging from wrecked ships, to brick and mortar, to modern steel and concrete, to advanced solid magic. Villains of all shapes, sizes, and species, all walked along the streets and in and out of the buildings in an almost chaotic manner.

Jack was blown at the enormous paradise lying just beyond the gate. He had never seen such a magnificent place in all of his life. The receptionist can be seen at the far right corner of the gate, opening a control panel by pressing buttons on a keyboard and holding her eye up to the screen. With the blaring of an electric buzzer, the barred gates slowly opened and the herd of villains marched inside the EVIL. On the way in, Jack picked up a map from a nearby display stack.

While the others split up and hurried to whatever meetings they had to attend, Jack sat on a small bench on the sidewalk and examined his map. Just as he was about to open it, a wall of flame hurdles right in front of him and burns the paper. He gaze rapidly snaps to the source, an initially unseen dragon wearing glasses.

"Sorry," the dragon deeply apologized. "Allergies."

Name: Wyly
Title: Doctor W.
Level: 2

A hyper-intelligent dragon with an estimated IQ of 220, Doctor W. normally spends his days attempting to create the Singularity, only to be foiled by Hero Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria. I don't like him, he's allergic to everything and is into some strange shows online.

Jack simply rolled his eyes and got another map. Upon reaching the bench, Jack proceeded to open his map, only to find its contents covered in black markings made by some hooligan, with the words "WANG WAS HERE" being the most prominent. Irritated, Jack crushed the map in his hoof, tossed it in the nearby trash bin, and grabbed another.

But before heading to the bench, Jack peaked inside.

No markings.

He looked around the bench.

No allergic dragons in sight.

With a sigh of relief, Jack sat down on the bench and opened the map. After several minutes of scanning the thing top to bottom, Jack found where he needed to go: The Villain Registry, located on-

SPLAT

The entire map was then drenched in a crimson liquid and now had a small meat-like tube drooping on the top. Jack instantly recognized it as blood and a small intestine. Slowly, Jack lowered the map to see a red unicorn stallion standing before him, wearing a black cloak and sporting a greying mane that is combed back in an sinister shape. Below him was a thick ring of fresh blood that stained the road.

Name: Brian High
Title: Doctor Opium
Level: 4

A master of the Infernal Arts, Doctor Opium works as a shrink to tempt ponies into giving him valuables for deeds that will eventually backfire and land the doctor more valuables, including souls that he uses to perform these deeds, kind of like making a deal with a demon. I also don't like him, the way he gets around is through these creepy portals to the "Infernal Realms", and he's too, hammy.

Side Note: I have been seeing quite a few doctors around here...

"Gracious!" Dr. Opium loudly announced. "It appears that my travel through the Infernal Realms has resulted in blood having destroyed your parchment!"

"Yes." Jack coldly replied, having far enough of ponies destroying his peace.

"Forgive me for my lack of foresight!"

"I... forgive you. It was simply a map."

"I shall retrieve you another map then to repay my debt! Stay put upon your wooden stall!"

In the blink of an eye, a map zipped out of the display and right in front of Jack's face, way too close for his comfort.

"Thanks..."

"You are welcome Lord..."

"Jac-"

"-Jack! I must be off now! A certain store closes in ten minutes, and my daughter desires a gift for her sixteenth anniversary of birth. Farewell!"

And with a flick of his cape, the red stallion galloped away down the road. Jack simply rolled his eyes and got up with the map in tow. As he begun to make his way to the registry, something in his mind clicked.

Holy fucking shit! Jack realized. I just talked to a Level 4 villain! The only time I had even seen a Level 4 was when my master teamed up with Robo-Dash, before he dismantled her in bed in a double-cross.

Jack continued to remain in this dumbfounded state until he reached the registry, a short skyscraper on the other side of the EVIL. Stepping inside, another receptionist, dressed in the same clothing as the one at the port, glanced at him from her desk at the other side of the lobby.

Jack cleared his voice and proclaimed, "Jack Ripper, here for the 22 O'clock."

The mare at the other end looked down at her papers and sifted through for his reservation.

"Five minutes early Sir." She replied, lifting the form with a hoof. "Take this time to freshen up in the restroom to your right. When ready, take the door to your left and wait."

"Thank you ma'am."

Quickly, Jack darted into the restroom and splashed his face with water. Seconds were ticking by and if he was ever to become a villain, he needed to be in top condition. He then examined himself in the mirror. His black fur was neatly brushed. His even darker mane and tail were combed straight and free, just the way he liked it. His neon green highlights were well exposed. His dark silver mask was tucked in tight, making his emerald eyes appear to gleam. His lightly spiked boots were secured tight on his hooves. And the final thing, his cape, the cape that was once his master's, is secured around Jack's neck, held in place by a metal clasp at his chest.

Jack couldn't feel any more ready.

Proudly, he marched out of the restroom, around the mare's desk, and through the dual doors right beside her, and into the review room. It was a large pitch black room, with only a hanging lightbulb to reveal a small armchair a few metres in front of Jack. With nervousness suddenly creeping onto his shoulders, Jack slowly walked to the chair and sat on it, facing away from the doors and into the black.

A massive screen at the other end of the room immediately turned on with a static shrill. Jack nearly jumped. As the screen flickered with static, four more screens turned on, with two appearing at each of the first's sides. The five screens then slowly begun to rise and the light above Jack turned off. The static fades only a little, revealing the shadowy silhouettes of five beings, watching over Jack.

"Level 10s..." Jack unconsciously breathed out.

"Jack Seirbigh Ripper." The center being proclaimed. Its voice was heavily distorted and deepened to something beyond what a smoker could ever try to pull off.

"Y-y-yes?"

"Born 17 years ago to unidentified parents, captured by Level 3 villain, Black Sun, at the age of two, and had been working for him for a slave-minion ever since until his death one month ago to Hero Twilight Sparkle."

"Correct sir."

"Magic superbeam to the face," the far-right being added. "Brutal."

The center being continued. "And now, you seek our approval to become a villain, under the name 'Black Dawn'."

"Yes." Jack nodded. "At least a Level 1."

"Are you aware of how the levels work?" The center one questioned.

"I do sir."

"Enlighten us, if you will."

"From the book: 'Each villain of the EVIL is ranked based on their current attributes as a villain. These attributes are covered in several classes, each graded by a score. The higher the overall class score, or OCS, the higher the potential level, the more permission the villain has to commit certain actions as well gains political power in the EVIL. Upon joining, a new villain has one month to fulfill as many requirements needed to reach a desired rank before being judged by Level 10 villains or higher.'"

"Damn..." The near-right being murmurs.

"Do you honestly believe you are even qualified to be at least a Level 1?" The center being asked.

"...Yes." Jack gulped.

"Let's see... Have you passed the Standard Villain's Test with at least a 75%?"

"One hundred, Sir," the far-left being answered.

"Do you have an OCS of at least 50?"

"49, Sir," the near-left villain answered.

"Well, it seems you are unable to become a Level 1 villain, just a Level 0."

Jack was mortified.

One point off?! There had to have been a mistake, Jack thought, I can't go back to being Level 0. It's the shitty minion level where I've always been!

"Give me a rundown on the classes!" Jack proclaimed.

"Well," the near-right being announced, reading a small paper below the screen view, "In Class of Area Destruction: 0... In Class of Scale of Destruction: 0... In Class of Range in Influence: 0... In Class of Infamy: 4, kinda, Black Sun's minions were kinda well known to be strong... In Class of Power: The panel gave you a 5... In Class of Presentation: The panel gave you a 10... And in Class of Material Assets: 30..."

"You can do that math." The near-left being concluded.

"Please," Jack pleaded, "I can do so much for the EVIL, can't I get a single point in presentation?"

"No," the center one retorted, "and quite frankly, why would we even want you? You only got this close thanks to your master having big pockets."

"What?" Jack gasped.

"What he means to say is..." The far-right one clarified, carefully. "What he means to say is that... There are certain assets to you that have been recognized as... unhealthy for our business environment. That being... eh... it is-"

"You are a slave-minion." The center one interjected.

"Well... Yes." The far-right being stuttered, surprised by the abruptness of his partner.

The center villain continued. "Why would we waste our time and resources on a bottom-of-the-barrel ex-slave-minion that once served under a mere Level 3 villain? Why not put that time and those resources on a villain who will actually guarantee some level of success?"

"But-" Jack attempted to speak, but was immediately interrupted.

"Cut it Jack, it's either Level 0, or back onto the streets with you."

We will return to the "The Daily Life of a Villain" after this break...