Bugged Celestia is in your bed

by Aquel

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy
Length: 802

A Celestia robot is trying to seduce you.
It's a pretty clunky try.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-01 20:20:19 UTC

"No."

"Hi--" There was an electric crack when the robot's throat exploded in a shower of sparks.

She (Because she was unnervingly lady-like) looked at me in panic for a moment and ran around the room, opening drawers and throwing them away when they didn't have what she sought. After covering my bedroom with undergarments, she found a piece of paper and a ball pen and used them to write.

"Hiiiii" She showed me the paper she had written in. After a moment's through, she added something: "Hiiiii~" She smiled in a way that could've been called seductive if her "Lips" had been more than three small metal bars, three down and three above.

I only stared at the two little robotic hands that had sprouted from her horn, mouth half open. I am sure that, had I been a robot myself, I would've had a blue screen in my face.

"This is so stupid," I managed a few minutes later.

The robot, who had been standing awkwardly there, opened her (For lack of a better word) eyes in surprise.

She wrote again, scratching several times before showing it to me.

"I am I didn't want to Who are Why am I Excuse me?"

I spent nearly a minute staring at the paper. In the last few weeks, I had had a pony goddess, an hologram, an evil pony goddess, a gay little dragon (Let me tell you, reptiles are cold as a dead body) and no less than three furries appear in my bed, all refusing to leave it before disappearing magically.

And now a robot that tried desperately to be sexy.

I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

All I managed to say was:

"Did you drink my fanta?"

She cowered for a moment, but recovered quickly and jumped to the bed, her scarf-like tail swaying in a way that I am sure my old Nokia 1100 would've found sexy.

It didn't help in the least that her genitalia seemed to be composed of four pads in a rhombus shape, supported by coils. There was also a little water squirter over it, a fact that my mind latched on to. A squirter. A freaking squirter.

"Did you drink my fanta?" I insisted.

She blinked a few times, possibly trying to adjust her eyebrows to sexy position. Her eyes were soulless, glass black voids, and the eyebrows a rubber sheet over them.

"Did you drink my fucking fanta?" I kept on, if only to not think of the situation I was in.

She opened her mouth, as if to answer, when her head perked up like a dog's. She "Smiled" and cowered under the blankets like a scared children.

"Stop waving your ass at me," I said, feeling my dick growing smaller by the second.

She kept waving it, the only uncovered part of her. I feared that, if she continued, my dick would reach negative sizes and I'd turn into a woman.

Yeah. A woman. Great. Then I'd get guys trying to dick me and drinking my... my green tea or something.

"Stop waving your ass at me!"

The ass continued moving, but now it was weaker. Now that ass had a broken little oil pump and wanted me to know it.

"Stop trying to get pity sex from me," I said. "That's just sad."

When the ass didn't stop, I took the blanket, threw it away, and pointed to the door with a scowl.

"Out" Was all I said.

She whimpered away from me.

"I said out!" My finger shook in anger.

She got up in a melodramatic fashion and, slowly, started walking towards the door. When I had nearly become convinced of my success, she stopped and wrote something else in the paper.

"You broke me." She smiled in pride at her clever ruse, then added, "Your fanta broke my voice modulator. You owe me a favor."

"I don't owe you shit."

"You owe me a favor." She wrote again, this time larger.

I just stared at her.

She added "!!!!!"

I took the paper and wiped it across my ass, then gave it back to her.

She wrote ":(" in the door.

"Fuck you."

"D:"

"Fuck you so fucking much."

"D':"

"Will you stop writing emoticons"

":/"

"I swear to god I'll throw water to you if you don't stop"

"Kinky" She paused for effect. ">;D"

I went to the bathroom and returned with a water bucket.

"D:>!!!!!!!" She was still for a moment, watching what she had written, before reacting and running back inside my room and locking the door from the inside.

I threw the water bucket at the door out of spite.

"Get out of my room!" I shouted.

A moment later, a paper was slipped out under the door:

"No."