The Misadventures of Tyrone-Chapter 1
Lost
Out here, we’re all lost. There aint no better way to put it. We’re out here on the streets, looking for something. We keep tellin’ ourselves that, like it’s gonna come true. Turns out repetition aint doin’ shit for us when we don’t even know what the word means.
My name’s Tyrone, I been on these streets my whole life. Detroit’s my abusive father, and Mother Nature gives us the spirits. That’s how we all feel out here, but none of us tend to say nothing about it. We’ve got plans, they say. Bullshit.
My real father, the biological son of a bitch, didn’t leave my Ma, maybe that’s why I can accept reality. He’s not around, but it’s not ‘cause he abandoned us, he abandoned the law. He’s doin’ time for some serious shit. Been in there for years now. My Ma really loved the bastard, she couldn’t do nothing but cry after he got caught. That left me at the age of twelve to get our family’s shit together. It’s been hard, but it’s made me harder.
I woke up this morning to the smell of smoke. Not the same kind that normally hangs around the city, the choking kind that makes you feel like you’re dying… I guess it’s the same kind, but you get used to one of them. I climbed my way downstairs, coughing up like I’d been chain smoking the past few years.
“Tyrone, breakfast is almost ready. Your brother awake yet?” Ma asked from behind a veil of smoke.
The smoke was coming from the oven. It was an ancient thing, spewing black smoke while it worked. Guess that’s what I smelled when I woke up. For a second I thought we mighta had a fire, maybe then it’d be worth getting out of bed.
I responded that my little brother, Johnny, be choking if he was still asleep. The oven was only used for them special occasions, and I guess Johnny’s birthday was special enough. My Ma always held him above me, even though I was the older one. Just ‘cause he’s smart, he’s got a better future than me, that’s what she’d say to her friends.
I tend to disagree, and I’ve got my reasons. Johnny is book smart, I’ll give ‘em that. He might be the only reason them teachers show up to work. Gets good grades and works hard for ‘em. Difference is, he aint street smart. Spends all his time reading that he don’t even know some of the basics. I asked him once when he gonna get a girl, an’ he told me that he’s too busy for that. At his age I’d been around the block and back. I was pretty busy too.
But Johnny got our Ma’s approval, and she let him get most o’ what he wanted. See, for my birthday we went outside and invited some neighbors over to sing and dance, now that’s a party. But Johnny wants to go to this convention thing. He says he’s a big fan, and if there’s anything he wants, it’s to go while they’re in town.
Over breakfast, Johnny was eating his pancakes, the ones Ma almost suffocated us with. He kept going on over and over that it would be the best day of his life. Shit life, I say. But my Ma wanted to keep him happy, she said she’d give him permission to go, but it was a few miles walk, an’ we’d just got our plates stolen. She said only if I’d walk with ‘im.
I was against this, my street cred was already in a spot after some false rumors, but I knew that if I didn’t go walkin’ Johnny would get lost after one block. Like I said, he wasn’t street smart. So I didn’t argue, and I was glad that Ma made enough pancakes for all of us, that shit was expensive.
“Johnny, put on the hat I gave you,” I said once we were outside.
“But the sun isn’t out,” Johnny responded, looking up at the sky.
“You don’t put it on for the sun, there aint ever any sun out here. You put it on ‘cause of common courtesy,” I said, grinning at a broad walking by with a pair of short shorts.
Johnny didn’t argue like I woulda done with my pa when I was younger. He just did what I said. Guess that means he’s trying to learn the streets.
“Alright, keep your eyes ahead o’ you and keep quiet,” I said, beginning my journey across the battlefield.
We made it there in one piece, but things got shaky when we got to the industrial part of town. We managed ‘cause I kept some heat on me, but going back might be a problem if it starts gettin’ dark.
“There!” Johnny said, pointing forward.
Ahead of us was one of the newest buildings. It was at the edge of the town, just outside what we called the dark zone, one of the biggest slums around. But it still looked brand new, probably ‘cause some of the guards walking on the roof and down near the entrance. When I saw them, I slipped my trusty glock underneath a piece of plywood and made a mental note of it. Like I said, street smarts.
We got to the entrance, past a few groups of smokers and some hookers. The guards didn’t seem to care what went on outside. But as soon as I stepped towards the entrance they stopped and frisked me.
“If you’re gonna deal, do it out here, we aint gonna stop you,” The guard whispered while he patted down my shoulders.
“Not around the brother, promised my Ma,” I responded to the man I’m sure I’d seen before.
“Take your word for it,” The guard responded, letting us pass. There were some places he didn’t check that I coulda gotten away with, but I did promise my Ma.
We got inside and it felt like we’d gone to Narnia. The outside was as grey as the rest of the city, but the inside was filled with colorful banners and carpet. Actual carpet. There were signs people carried and some were laughing, having a good time. Narnia.
“Look, it’s George!” Johnny almost yelled, pointing at some bearded white man sitting at a table.
“Who’s George,” I asked, still taking the scene in. Fucking Narnia.
“George R.R. Martin, the guy who wrote Game of Thrones,” Johnny said, full of excitement. I gave him a blank look. “You should read the books.”
“We walked across town to get you into a nerdy convention?” I asked, hitting him on the back of the head.
“Hey, you don’t have to be a nerd to be a fan,” Johnny defended himself, but inside I could see he was bubbling with excitement.
“Well what did you have planned now?” I asked.
“Keep your eyes ahead of you, keep quiet, and follow me,” Johnny said, adjusting the hat I’d given him.
I followed him through the thin crowds, noticing a few faces here and there. Most of them must have been from the other side of town, but some looked just out of place. Like spots on a white shirt, they stuck out. Weirdest place to have a convention like this, I’d say.
Johnny took me to some of the larger places in the building, people spoke and told jokes, others wore costumes that made me wish I took the glock in with me. If not to shoot them, but myself for being here. At some point I’d seen one of my old high school pals. He used to roll with me up until a couple years ago, something about going straight after his mother died.
Carl, that’s his name. I caught his eye lookin’ at me, so I walked over to see what brought him here. Turns out, he’s been a fan of this shit since high school. You just don’t know your friends as well as you think. I explained I was just here for Johnny, and I could see his eyes looked a little disappointed and then embarrassed some. He made an excuse to leave and I didn’t see him for the rest of the convention.
“How much longer is this shit, anyway?” I asked Johnny.
“Usually a few days, but today’s the last. Only five hours left,” Johnny explained to me.
We’d only been there for about four hours, so another five would be like doin’ 90 for loitering. It’s stupid, and there aint no way you’re doin’ it again.
After an hour or so, Johnny headed back towards the side we’d entered on. That was where most of the authors and book writers were, he said. He wanted to get some autographs, maybe shake some hands. So we came up on George R.R. Martin first, and I hoped I could keep quiet and get it over with.
“Ah hello there,” George said to us when we approached.
“I’m Johnny, I’m a huge fan,” Johnny said, once again almost shaking with excitement.
“I can see that, a lover of all things fantasy and romance,” George said, with the biggest grin on his face.
“Mostly the fantasy,” Johnny replied, glancing up to me like he was glad I was clueless.
“Of course, of course. But what of your friend?” George asked, looking to me.
“Nah man, I’m just here to keep watch on him. None of this shit is for me, so pretend I aint here,” I say bluntly.
“Love and Tolerate, I say,” George said, then glanced to Johnny as if anticipating something. He must have seen something, cause then his smile grew bigger.
“Are you-,” Johnny began with a different tone.
“Why yes I am. I’m a brony, just like you,” George said.
“The fuck is a brony? Is that some kind of gay cult shit I should be worried about,” I had to interrupt.
“Tyrone it’s-,” Johnny started with a face full of rage.
“Tolerate, Johnny, remember? It’s what we do best,” George said, then his eyebrows raised.
“What if I told you Johnny, that I could send one person to Equestria…” George said in a deeper, more darker voice.
The sounds of the convention were dying down, like the cops just knocked on the door. I was too busy looking at George to really give a damn.
Johnny was dumbstruck for a second before responding. “Discord? That was Discord’s voice.”
“That’s my secret Johnny, I am Discord. And after all these years, I’ve chosen to take you from this… wasteland, and into Equestria,” George said in Discord’s voice. Now, I could see that his eyes were changing colors, and there was a chill that fell down my spine.
“What kind of punch are ya’ll serving here anyway. I knew this place was some kind of cult. Let’s go Johnny, before I gotta explain to Ma why I punched a grown ass man,” I said, pulling Johnny away from George.
“Oh my, it’s too late for that. The chaos has already begun,” George said, but his mouth didn’t move.
A grey fog floated from beneath the table and wrapped itself around Johnny’s legs. Johnny screamed and was pulled to the ground. I grabbed him before he fell and pulled him back. The fog had a tight grip on him, but I kept pulling until I had him on my shoulder. Then, the fog grabbed me and I fell to the ground, hitting my head on the carpet. I tossed Johnny away, yelling at him to run as the fog pulled me into the darkness beneath the table.
I opened my eyes like I’d been dreaming the past day. I thought I had been, I mean, first pancakes, then Narnia, and then some guy named George. That’s a fucking dream if I’d ever seen one.
“He’s awake,” I heard a quiet voice say beside me.
“Oh shit, how much did I take?” I ask, feeling a headache. I lift my head to see my surroundings.
“Take what?” A blue horse said.
There were white walls and light blue curtains, as a hospital would normally have in one of those white neighborhoods. The clock read six thirty but the window beside it looked sunny, so it must have been morning. The floor was- Was that a blue horse?
“Holy shit!” I cried, looking around at the three horses that were gathered around me. A yellow one, a purple one, and a blue one.
“What is it?” The purple one asked. She was looking around like everything was fucking normal.
“You mother fuckers can talk? I mighta failed history but shit, that shoulda stuck out in class,” I said, looking intensely at them.
“History?” The purple one asked, confused.
“You know, that thing with the scapels, when we cut open the frog and had to stay after cause someone stole the- You’re fuckin’, talkin’ horses, I don’t gotta explain shit,” I answered, sitting straight up.
The blanket that had been covering me slid down and exposed my chest, bare and with muscles showing. Not enough to go make a Playgirl magazine, but it’d make my Pa proud. Still, I pulled it up out of reflex, seeing as these weren’t just talking colored horses, they also sounded like female talking colorful horses. Shit, that’s a mouthful.
“Twilight, are you sure he didn’t hit his head or something?” The blue one asked the purple one.
“The doctor said that other than being… different, he was healthy as could be,” Twilight responded.
“What is he?” The yellow one asked in a quiet voice.
“I should be askin’ all of you. I’m a normal human being for your information,” I said.
“Human?” Twilight asked, confused.
“That’s what I said,” I replied, but I could see that it didn’t mean anything to her.
“What’s a human?” The yellow one asked.
“The doctor said that other than very long limbs and less hair, he isn’t much different from us,” Twilight said.
“Hey, go get the doc then. And he better not be a horse,” I said.
“We’re ponies, and of course the doctor is a pony as well,” Twilight said, but there was a hint of irritation in her voice.
“That’s it, I’m out. Where the fuck are my clothes,” I asked, looking around.
“They’re on the table, but you can’t leave until the doctor says-“ Twilight began.
“Didn’t he say that there was nothing wrong?” The blue one asked.
“But he didn’t know that,” Twilight said.
“My name’s Tyrone, and I don’t care if I got cancer, I aint stayin’ in this hospital another minute,” I said.
I grabbed the shirt from atop the pile beside me and put it on. From underneath the covers I put on my boxers and pants. I put the hat on over my hair and lifted myself out of bed. I walked out of the room, pushing past Twilight, who was trying to get me back into bed. She didn’t pose much of a threat though, and I made it to the steps.
I made my way down them and towards the exit, where a handful of other horses were walking around. I tried not to look too closely, like it would wake me from this dream. Instead, I pushed the door open and my eyes widened. Outside, the sun was shining and wind was blowing gently past my face. I could smell something sweet in the air, refreshing from the usual charcoal scent. It was also disturbing in a way.
“I was wondering what took you so long,” I heard a voice above me say.
“What now?” I asked, looking up to the sky and seeing a flying.. dragon… donkey thing. It looked creepy as fuck.
“Tyrone, my home dog. How’s it like, adjusting and all?” The… creature asked.
“Who the- what the fuck, are you?” I asked.
“That is simply rude. I am a gentleman, such as yourself, and I do not approve of such language,” Discord replied, laughing that dark laugh I remember hearing in the past.
“Is that you, George?” I ask.
“In the flesh. Although, I go by Discord in this world. And I create chaos for the the fun of it,” Discord explained.
“What’s that gotta do with me, take me back already,” I said, but I was sure this was a dream.
“But can’t you see it? The potential? I wanted your brother, but you’d work just fine. Think about it,” Discord said, holding up a book for me to see. It was titled The Misadventures of Tyrone, Volume One.
“I can’t even read, dawg.”
“That’s explained in chapter five, but before we get there, you need to learn the valuable lesson of friendship. Cue the antagonists,” Discord said, before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
The doors burst open and the three horses come out and give me a look of confusion and annoyance. I feel my legs lift off the ground, and I feel like I’m freefalling. There’s a tingle in my arms and legs, but I’m five feet off the ground now and I’m panicking.
“What, No. Get me down! What the fuck’s going on?” I start saying.
“I have more questions for you to answer,” Twilight said. “My name’s Twilight Sparkle, it’s nice to meet you.”
“Ah, they got me! I can see the light! I’m not ready!” I start screaming, now flailing my limbs around.
“What are you doing?” Rainbow Dash asked.
My Ma warned me against clowns and demons and shit. She even told me about them devils in suits that come every year, but aliens weren’t something she really believed in. So the longer I was in the air, the more nervous I got.
“Who’s doin’ this? Put me down!” I kept screaming.
“Only if you promise to answer my questions,” Twilight said.
“Yeah, yeah, get me down!” I said, before feeling the tingle go away and I dropped, hitting the ground with a thump
“Fuck!” I gasped, holding my side as I breathed for air. “That shit hurt.”
“Good, now question one, where did you come from?” Twilight asked.
“No, the question is where’d you come from,” I responded. “I was here first.”
“I highly doubt that,” Twilight said.
There was a big gust of wind that nearly knocked me down. I looked behind me to find two horses attached to a golden chariot.
“What now?” I asked, noticing the third, bigger horse in the carriage.
“Twilight, something strange is going on in the southern desert. I want you and the other elements to come with me. We-“ Celestia glanced to me and her head tilted. “Who are you?”
“Name’s Tyrone,” I responded, noticing that this horse was taller than me and I knew how much damage a normal sized horse could cause. I wasn’t going to fuck with this one.
“A strange creature at the same time of this magical disturbance? You better come along as well, this might involve you,” Celestia said.
Now, I didn’t go without a fight. I thought we were gonna go on a walk, maybe a car ride, but when she told me to get on her flying chariot, I tried to run. Now, when I say tried, it went as well as you’d think, I took a step and tripped on a rock.
“Where am ?” I asked in a dazed state. I was expecting my mom to be hitting me with a pillow or pulling my covers away, but then I felt a warm wind wash over me.
“We’ve arrived,” Celestia said.
Hearing the voice, I jumped up out of my ball and fell out of the chariot. I landed on the hot sand and picked myself up quickly. I was going to say something, but the scenery caught my eye. There was sand in all directions except for in front of me. There was a dark cave with flashing lights of color. Sand seemed to flow with the wind.
“Ah shit, there’s sand in my eye,” I called out, wiping my eye with my shirt.
“Quiet, we don’t know what or who’s inside,” Twilight said.
I looked back to the chariot, finding three of them instead. Now there were six colorful talking ponies that were looking towards me. I only remembered the three from the hospital. The larger one was gone, meaning I had nothing to be scared of.
“Don’t tell me what to do, I can take care of myself,” I yelled out, jogging towards the cave entrance.
“Wait! Come back! I haven’t made a plan yet!” Twilight called out, before running in after me.
I couldn’t see shit, but I kept my hand on the wall and I didn’t face plant into anything. It felt like I was going down a slope, and I made sure to keep my balance. Then, I saw a light in the distance, and I made my way to it. When I reached it, I was presented with a large white room. There was a pony wielding a long staff, like in those nerdy movies.
I remembered hearing something about magic. I connected the few amount of dots like I did in kindergarten, and I realized that this pony could use magic and that was a bad thing apparently. Suddenly I felt like being a hero. It was my dream after all, I could do anything.
I ran at the motherfucker.
“Who are-“
I tackled him to the ground and he dropped his staff. Then, I gave him a quick one-two before he kicked me off and backed up.
“What are-“
I threw a rock at him.
“Let me speak!” He said, ready for the other rock in my hand.
“Aint no talkin’ on the streets. Just action,” I said, before lunging towards him again.
I lifted my hand to punch him, but it was caught in the air. I felt my whole body was stiff, frozen in time. I slowly turned my head to see that there was someone next to me.
“Hmm, I’m sorry about that,” Discord’s voice rang through the cave. “I had this amazing event planned for your brother, I really did. However, I wasn’t expecting you, so I had to finish up my story very quickly.”
I caught sight of Discord flipping through his book.
“Now, the problem is you’ve jumped into the action scene, the one I hadn’t finished yet. I can’t simply let you do what you want, so I’m going to have to cancel this little story of yours. Maybe another time,” Discord said, before his voice faded away. My vision went black.
I woke up sometime after the convention ended. Turns out I’d slipped and hit my head on one of the tables. Johnny left me with the security guard while he enjoyed the rest of the convention with Carl. Now that it was ending, my brother was slapping my face to wake me up. I slapped him back when I did.
“Touch me again and you’re walking home alone,” I threatened.
“Hey, Tyrone, go easy on him, he’s your brother,” Carl said.
I thought about that for a while. Carl walked home with me and Johnny. We were passing the place I’d stored the glock. While I was pocketing it, Carl pulled out a blunt and lit it.
“Johnny, you smoke yet?” Carl asked.
“Not if I can help it,” I said, taking the blunt from Carl and calming myself. “But why’d you bring it? If you got caught you’d end up back in jail.”
“I didn’t bring it, I bought it from George while you were out cold. He said he found it on one of the tables, but that’s a lie if I ever heard one,” Carl explained.
“Some people lose things, other people find them. You know, I think he was telling the truth,” I said, then looked behind me like Discord might be floating above.
“Nobody loses something without noticing it,” Carl said.
“Out here, we’re all lost.”
Author's Note
There is no Chapter 2.
April Fools, I guess.
Thought I'd do something for this special day.
Check out the personal review coming out in a week or two.
Thanks for Reading!
-Sly