The Assimilation Bureau

by The Monoceros

Rating: mature
Tags: Science Fiction, Horror, Other, Crossover, Gore, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 7337

The Conversion War between Equestria and humanity is still raging. But now something else has entered the picture. And it's not human or pony. Yet.

[Crossover with John Carpenter's The Thing]
The Conversion War is still raging. Equestria continues with its goal of ponifying the human race. The situation is worse. Because an extra-fanatical (and suicidal) splinter group of the HLF decides to show the ponies what it is like to fight an enemy that seeks to turn you into more of itself. Something that is lurking in the remains of the Antarctic U.S. research center Outpost 31 . . .

Published 2016-07-13 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-01 04:00:18 UTC

Prologue

Waiting, they have been waiting. They, the fragmented remnants, have been waiting, hibernating in stasis, in the antarctic wastes for a very long time. They had all been waiting ever since that human . . . MacReady . . . had stopped the Prime Offshoot from escaping from the frozen wastes into the greater, bigger, wider world.

Unknown to MacReady and the other one, Childs, there were others that been lurking. Others that had been watching the series of events. Offshoots that had, upon witnessing MacReady's victory over the Prime Offshoot, gone into a dormant state. The Offshoots had elected to wait until a future opportunity to escape. To wait until there were no more MacReadies in the world.

They are still lying in wait.
Lurking patiently.
For their time to come.

And their time is almost nigh.

"What is our ETA?"

"Commander Richards, sir, our ETA doesn't matter, sir!"

"What do you mean by that, Whipple?" Richards asked.

"What the great Mason 'Celestia Killer' Whipple means sir," the pilot, Frederick, answered, "Is that we have arrived and will be landing momentarily."

"Good."

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

"Commander Richards, fellow CLOUD operators, I present to you Outpost 31!"

"Shut up Whipple," Collins said irritably.

"No horse-killing around men. Now, here's the rundown: We have defected from the HLF and formed our own renegade splinter-cell. Our goal is to find some remaining remnants of that Thing. Then we will use said remnants to unleash some sweet, righteous karma on the so-called 'Harmonius Dominion of Friendship' of the Equestrians and especially that tyrannical bitch of a bastard, Queen Celestia's precious little Conversion Bureaus. Is everything understood?" Richards declared to his entire squad of twelve soldiers.

"Sir, yes sir!" they all said.

"Then get to work!"

And so, a nightmare began.

The wait is and was finally over. The Offshoots stirred as they sensed the humans. They would be cautious. They would determine the humans' reason for coming, for being here.

And then . . .
And only then . . .
Would the humans be assimilated.

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

"Hey!" Stevens called out, "I think I found something!"

Whipple walked over to him and said, "Do you seriously think those wormy thingies are fragmented Thing-tentacles? Because even if they were, it'd be dead by now."

"SHUT THE HELL UP WHIPPLE, YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Hey, I'm just being the team cynic."

"Yeah, well you wanna know something you little dumb-ass of an SOB? WE DON"T NEED CYNICISM RIGHT KNOW AND-and-and-and why are you bleeding?"

"First, yeah, you're right about my attitude. In war against a surprisingly effective and dangerous alien race of conquering plush toys that are out to turn every last human in existence into a zombie slave version of themselves, we need some optimism, not cynicism. Second, I tripped over an old, makeshift flamethrower and accidentally grabbed some broken glass as I got back up."

"O-kay, hey, you know what I think? I think there's nothing in this part of this ruin, and that we should rendezvous with the others."

"Good idea, but what about my—"

"It doesn't look too bad, I'm sure Patrick can fix you up."

"You're probably right. Come on , let's go."

Stevens and Whipple walked back to the helicopter. They would soon discover that no one had found anything either. Rather, something had found these Human Liberation Front CLOUD Command-troopers. Something that was now infecting the cells of the blissfully unaware Whipple.

"Yesterday, the PER sent some of their members, disguised as clowns, to an elementary school." Sherri Bowman announced.

"How many children had been ponified before the Globally Licensed Unit of Earth Defense arrived, Sherri?" Howard Greene asked.

"Half of the entire school, students, faculty, and visitors alike, before the arrival of a team GLUE Commandos lead by Agent Tristan Irving."

"Ah yes, Tristan Irving, what a hero that one. But what happened to the attackers?"

"They are either dead or imprisoned, Howard."

"All right Sherri, is there anything else to report?"

"That's all Howard, except... wait, there he is!"

Sherri ran towards the approaching squad of GLUE Commandos, thrust her mic forward, and shouted, "Mr. Irving! A moment of your time please!"

Tristan turned toward her and said, "Make it quick, I don't have time for chit chat."

"Do you have anything to say regarding the multiple HLF and PER splinter groups?"

"No comment."

"Is it true that the now imprisoned mass-murderer, known only as Cain the Ripper, is going to the electric chair?"

"No comment."

"What exactly are the Branded?"

"No comment."

"Are the rumors that Celestia has bred venomous wasps, arachnids, and snakes to carry the ponification potion instead of poison true?"

"No comment."

Operative 4 turned the television off, turned toward Tristan, and said, "This is a serious information leak."

"I couldn't agree more sir," Tristan replied.

"So tell me, what are the Branded?"

"Well, sir, you see a while back there was an experiment undertaken by Queen Celestia's Solar Imperium. The goal of the experiment was to find a way to control what the personas of Newfoals would be. However, intel from undercover PHL operatives state that, before any real progress could've been made, the experiment was abandoned in favor of a different project."

"I'm assuming that the project that ended up replacing the Branded research experiment had something to do with animals."

"Yes sir."

"So tell me, why I'm learning about Old McCelestia's little farm from a fucking TV report instead of the archives. I can find the file on the Branded in our computer database, and yet this is the the first time I've ever heard of this! WHY IS THAT?!"

Tristan sighed and said, "Because both activities were merely false information that the Solar Imperium used as bait for the 10/10 attack."

"Ah yes, Celestia did everything she could to lure plenty of victims for that event. It was, and still is, the largest mass-conversion in this war. So you're saying that both of those Imperium plots never existed?"

"That, sir, would be correct."

"Good. In that case, I'm putting you in charge of making sure Cain fries."

"Yes, sir! Anything else, sir?"

"I want a detailed file on those splinter groups on my desk in two weeks time, am I clear?"

"Clear as day, sir."

"Then you are dismissed Agent Irving. Now, get back to work."

Queen Celestia sat on her throne, brooding over recent developments. A now defunct splinter group of the accursed Human Liberation Front calling themselves the Neo-Terranz had recently made a failed attempt to take control of all human governments. Apparently they had wished to take an even more pro-active stance in the war by becoming the rulers of the world. (Or, at least, the parts of the world that her Barrier hadn't taken yet.)

Other than the Neo-Terranz, the only other HLF splinter group of note was the mysterious CLOUD Command, but they had vanished to what the humans called Antarctica almost as soon as they had appeared.

The thoughts of the Soveriegn Alicorn of the Burning Sun soon turned towards her Solar Imperium of Equestria's allies, Ponification for Earth's Rebirth. They had served her cause well from the very beginning. And they continue to serve her Imperium well. Unfortunately for everypony, while the PER had made the selfless choice of ensuring the conversion of the rest of their fellow apes before converting themselves, PER members are still worthless humans. Everypony was taken off guard when the PER splinter group that called themselves the Friends of Harmony emerged.

The Friends of Harmony were a nightmare to deal with. Like the mainstream PER, they believed that ponification would bring their kind into paradise. Unlike the mainstream PER, they believed that "only the worthy will ascend" and that "the rest will be left behind Barrier-fall". As such, the Friends of Harmony spent as much time spilling blood as they did potion-bombing. They had butchered and slaughtered humans, mainstream PER members, ponies, and Newfoals alike. Nowadays, nopony knew whether or not they were still around. Some said that the Friends of Harmony were defunct, while others believed that they had gone underground. Celestia desperately prayed to herself that the former was the case.

But there was no sense dwelling on "what-if's?" when she had a bunch of neanderthals to ponify. First she would finally get around to debriefing her Bearers of the Elements of Harmony about Cain the Ripper. After that, she would wait until that monster was dead before unleashing her latest surprise upon the humans. Oh yes, it had taken a long time, but she had finally bent Luna to her glorious will. Soon, this world would become hers. It was only a matter of time.

Author's Note

Fun fact: CLOUD doesn't really stand for anything, it's really just a shout-out to a certain something from the 2002 The Thing video game.

Biohazard

The GLUE Commandos stared at the derelict of a helicopter in confusion. It was definitely the one that the CLOUD Command of the Human Liberation Front had stolen, but there was no evidence of anything whatsoever. CLOUD Command had vanished. There were many unsolved mysteries of the Conversion War, and it was clear the the fate of CLOUD Command was but the latest addition to the list.

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

At last, at long, long last. The Whole had breached the Frozen Wastes known to humanity as 'the Antarctic' and there was no time to relax. They had much to do. Ever since they had first arrived on the planet all those millions of years ago, the evolutionary fate of all life had been sealed. This 'Conversion War' was unexpected, but the Whole was nothing if not adaptable. Yes, progress would be much slower than that human scientist's projected 27,000 hours, but the Whole would, as always, simply make do.

Two Months Later

The park was practically an inferno. Tristan dodged left and right as potion bomb after potion bomb was thrown. He readied his Desert Eagle, took aim, and fired—simultaneously sending Flash Sentry out of commission and causing the heads of several Newfoals to become a shifting blanket of red mist. He took out a couple grenades, took out the pins, and threw them at the brainwashed hordes of the poor former humans. He was so focused on the Newfoals in front of him that he didn't hear the flapping of wings until it was too late.

Wind Rider knocked Tristan out from behind. He pulled out his sword, raised it high, and lowered it when he noticed something strange. Was the smoke messing with his eyes, or was Flash's blood actually moving, as if they were trying to escape the flames?

Wind Rider came closer to investigate. Only to widen his eyes in horror as Flash's body quickly morphed into a grotesque mass of clawed tentacles that lunged at him before he even had a chance to scream.

"Are you ready for your attack, War-Princess Luna?"

"Yes Madam Cadence," Luna replied robotically.

"Good."

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++
Later

"Well, Cadie, what happened?"

"Shining, you know what happened."

"Tell me anyway."

"*sigh* Alright, that human, what was his name again?"

"Agent Tristan Irving."

"Thanks. Right. Anyway, that human, Agent Irving, killed the Queen's alicorn supersoldier with a—What is it called again? Oh yes!—a 'dirty bomb' and lots of tinfoil."

"I see. Buck! All that work on Project: Eclipsed Red Moon down the drain!"

"It's alright, Shining. After all, everything on this planet will be assimilated anyway."

"Uh, Cadie? Don't you mean to say 'converted' or something like that?"

"..."

"Cadie?"

Shining Armor gasped in horror as his wife morphed into a gelatinous form with a canine snout that had insectoid appendages protruding out.

Later, Shining Armor and Princess Cadence conducted many private meetings with Newfoals, Royal Guards, and PER members. Who all proceeded to visit several Conversion Bureaus in order to add a few last minute extra ingredients to some of the ponification potions.

One Week Later

Operative 4 glared at Tristan and asked, "Well? How did Operation: Oil Glass go?"

"Well, sir to put it simply, the raid had been a disaster. The Chief GLUE Commando of that mission was sloppy. Because of him, what was supposed to be a simple sabotage mission went completely off the rails."

"Actually, Operation: Oil Glass was meant to be a suicide mission."

"..."

"What about the bomb? Was it detonated successfully?"

"Yes, sir. It was, sir."

"Good. Anything else."

"Actually, yes, there is something else."

"Let me guess, those rumors about 'shifty looking' Newfoals, right?"

"Sir, it's true! Lately about fifteen percent of all Newfoals, well they seem... different. There is this virtually noticeable glean in their eyes, their fake smiles bear a slight resemblance to the sadistic grin of the recently executed Cain the Ripper, and, strangest of all, they actually act as though they have something resembling a sense of self-preservation, or at least something akin to a survival instinct. It's so odd, especially since they clearly aren't supersoldiers."

"Irving."

"Yes, sir?"

"All of this is nothing but fucking paranoid shit, and I never want to hear any of it ever again! Is that understood, soldier?"

"Sir, yes sir."

"Good. Dismissed."

"Please look here, Angel Bunny, just look now at all of the poor defenseless animals that I've managed to save from those horrible humans," Fluttershy said looked at all of the animals that she had rescued from the horrible facilities that the humans had the nerve to call shelters.

Angel Bunny scowled but then he sensed something strange. Fluttershy followed him as he ran over to a dog that all the other animals had been avoiding for some reason.

"You're so sweet Angel Bunny, I don't know why all of you dears are so afraid of—You too Angel Bunny?! I'm so, so, so peeved at all of you right now! None of you are leaving this room until I see you all become friends of that poor guy," Fluttershy declared as she left the room.

All of the animals were frozen in primal terror when they heard Fluttershy lock the door. They all turned to look at the 'dog', except it wasn't there anymore. They lights went out as a vaguely canine many-legged creature dropped down from the sealing...

The hospital was anarchy. Newfoals and Equestrian soldiers were fighting PHL agents and GLUE Commandos all over the place while bystanders were either doing the 'Headless Chicken Routine', hiding wherever they could, or trying to be heroes. They weren't doing so well in their attempts at all. In fact, the only true contribution that the wannabe heroes succeeded in actually making was adding more to the chaos. In other words, they only made the situation much, much, much more worse than before.

And, just when an intern who was cowering behind a desk was miserably trying to convince himself that things just couldn't possibly get any worse, Tristan Irving himself was thrown through a gaping hole in the wall, colliding into the wall behind the intern with a sickening thud.

The intern took a risk to take a look at Tristan Irving's condition, and didn't like what he saw—a barely moving, or even breathing, unconscious body.

CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP<

The intern froze in fear when he heard the hoofsteps. Then everything was quiet, but the intern was so fearful that he didn't even dare to release the breath that had been caught in his throat. The intern was right to be fearful, because the desk he was hiding behind suddenly glowed a light turquoise color before being lifted into the air, and then tossed aside. Violently.

The intern looked up to see the sadistic smirk of a unicorn mare.

"Hello," she said, "My name is Starlight Glimmer, and I want you to resuscitate that pathetic champion of yours so he will be conscious as he is remade into a new, purified state of harmonious order. You will use these 'dee-fib-yoo-lators' on him now, or else..."

(Even though it most certainly wasn't needed, she illuminated her horn with those last two words.)

"Um, okay," the intern said nervously as he picked up the defibrillators, and walked over to where Tristan Irving was lying and got to wark.

+++ +++ A FEW MOMENTS LATER +++ +++

The intern hovered the defibrillator pads over Tristan Irving's bare chest, quarter-heartedly mumbled, "Clear", and pressed down.

Nothing happened.

He then tried again two more times.

There was no result whatsoever after the first retry. But after the second retry, something did happen.

Tristan Irving's body rippled before clawed, tentacled appendages burst out and lashed about all over the room. Starlight just blankly stood in place, with a stunned look of disbelief on her face as her perception of the world around her went numb from shock. The intern, on the other hand, was reduced to horrified, primordial screams of, "What the motherfucking God IS this Thing!"

Both were grabbed by the tentacle, which had suddenly morphed into bizarre structures that were composed of some sort of viscous cytoplasm. Others, both bystanders and faction members, having clearly been attracted to the source of the sudden commotion, rushed in, only to be grabbed as well.

All of the rupturing Thing's captives screamed hellishly as they were assimilated into its form. The floors slowly warped under the creature's steadily increasing mass until they finally gave way, sending the already mutating entity plummeting down to the battle that was occurring in the hospital's lobby.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Author's Note: I've had enough

I have gotten too many comments about how short the chapters in this story are. Is that really all you people can say about my story? Seriously? Has no one considered that I'm fully aware of the unintentional abruptness that this story unfortunately has right now? It's one reason that I'm putting all my current stories on hiatus right now? Have none of considered that so far, this story is mainly world-building and other kinds of build up? No? Well then, congratulations FIMfiction, because from this moment onward, any further commentary about the shortness of the chapters in this story will be unceremoniously DELETED!

So from now on, if you can't say anything else about The Assimilation Bureau other than the shortness of the chapters, then don't bother saying anything else at all.

You have been warned.

Finale: "Who Goes There?"

The GLUE Commandos were valiantly shooting at the Equestrians—who had, as usual, completely used up all of their Newfoal meat shields—from behind their shields, despite the disappearance of their Squad Leader, Agent Tristan Irving. Spells and bullets were flying in the air.

Just when one would think that all this had finally become Hell on Earth, an unspeakable abomination broke through the ceiling and attacked all those involved in the battle that it was intruding upon.

The clash that followed was short. The only reason the Thing wasn't immediately victorious was because of the extensive usage, by both human and pony forces, of fire and electricity. But, although they all fought savagely, there were no survivors.

None that were human or equine, that is.

+++ +++ +++ (:trollestia:HA-HA:trollestia:) Twenty-Eight Months Later (:trollestia:HA-HA:trollestia:) +++ +++ +++

August/██/0003 AO (After Outbreak)

The world had been reduced to hopeless anarchy. There were no governments anymore, just whackjobs who commanded other whackjobs. Everyone, and everypony, now just did whatever they wanted to do, whenever they wanted to. The universal creed was basically, "Do whatever the fuck you will do as yourself, until those Things get you, and you do whatever the fuck Things do when they're not assimilating. And when those goddamned Things are assimilating too, bitch!"

Equestria was in ruins, Celestia had actually established several "camps" in an idiotic attempt too weed out the Things' imitations. All her actions truly accomplished was, in fact, the acceleration of the utter meltdown of social order. In both Equestria and what was still outside the Barrier as Earth.

But then again, the Barrier didn't mean shit to the Thing. All it took was a trickling minority of infected ponies and the Thing was able to spread itself both within and outside of the Barrier.

Yet rumor had it that actually wasn't Celestia's final acts of misanthropy and discrimination that truly broke all hope for Equestria and their PER goons. No, what really broke them had been when Fluttershy had been revealed to be one of the Thing's many Imitations of the creatures that it had assimilated.

Apparently the Thing ended up assimilating all of Ponyville after it was discovered.

Thanks to that single incident, the once utterly self-righteous fanatics of the Ponification for Earth's Rebirth movement were now reduced to little more that a bunch of raving, idiotic paranoid whackjobs who ran around, looking for Things in disguise.

But, with their methods being that they killed any human or pony they came across while screaming "You have two seconds to prove that you're human/a pony!" at the top of their lungs, they obviously never truly accomplished anything beyond a one-hundred percent absolute zero.

This was indeed the End of Humanity, but it wasn't the Neo-Equestria that Celestia had obviously been seeking, no, this was an Age of Contagion, an Age of Pestilence, this was a time of The Ultimate in Alien Terror, this was an era in which Man is the Warmest Place for the enemy to Hide, this was then Thing's takeover of Earth. It—W̵e͟͠͡ ̢͡h̸͢͝a̵͡v́̕͟è̢ ͏f̶̛͘i͜͡n̷̶̕á̢̨lĺ̕y̷̢ ̵͝w̵̵on.̀

Author's Note

And Fin!

I am now, at long last, finally done with this story.

What's next? Why next, I'll be returning to The Conversion Bureau: Voracious as well as working on that one story I've been teasing in my Authors Notes.

Author's Note: I'm sorry, but I'm running low on steam.

Hello FIMfiction, I'm not gonna sugar coat this, I'm gonna wrap up this story, and in an arguably depressing way. You see, this was the story that I really wanted to write from the beginning, but in retrospect, I really didn't do the idea behind this story the justice that it deserved.

That, and I'm getting tired of this story, so I'm gonna wrap it up so I can finally focus on other ideas.

This being a story in which the Thing escapes the Antarctic, it will end apocalyptically.

Also, I have, admittedly poorly, stitched the earlier chapters together into longer episodes. (And yes, I'm fully aware that I did a sloppy job, but I just want to finally be finished with this story.)

-Thank you, bye.

P.S.: I'm sorry about any accidentally deleted comments, they were unintended casualties of my rush to merge the chapters together.

"Perfected Cut"

Author's Note

Happy Halloween!

"Perfected Cut"

Waiting, they have been waiting. They, the fragmented remnants, have been waiting, hibernating in stasis, in the antarctic wastes for a very long time. They had all been waiting ever since that human . . . MacReady . . . had stopped the Prime Offshoot from escaping from the frozen wastes into the greater, bigger, wider world.

Unknown to MacReady and the other one, Childs, there were others that been lurking. Others that had been watching the series of events. Offshoots that had, upon witnessing MacReady's victory over the Prime Offshoot, gone into a dormant state. The Offshoots had elected to wait until a future opportunity to escape. To wait until there were no more MacReadies in the world.

They are still lying in wait.
Lurking patiently.
For their time to come.

And their time is almost nigh.

"What is our ETA?"

"Commander Richards, sir, our ETA doesn't matter, sir!"

"What do you mean by that, Whipple?" Richards asked.

"What the great Mason 'Celestia Killer' Whipple means sir," the pilot, Frederick, answered, "Is that we have arrived and will be landing momentarily."

"Good."

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

"Commander Richards, fellow CLOUD operators, I present to you Outpost 31!"

"Shut up Whipple," Collins said irritably.

"No horse-killing around men. Now, here's the rundown: We have defected from the HLF and formed our own renegade splinter-cell. Our goal is to find some remaining remnants of that Thing. Then we will use said remnants to unleash some sweet, righteous karma on the so-called 'Harmonius Dominion of Friendship' of the Equestrians and especially that tyrannical bitch of a bastard, Queen Celestia's precious little Conversion Bureaus. Is everything understood?" Richards declared to his entire squad of twelve soldiers.

"Sir, yes sir!" they all said.

"Then get to work!"

And so, a nightmare began.

The wait is and was finally over. The Offshoots stirred as they sensed the humans. They would be cautious. They would determine the humans' reason for coming, for being here.

And then . . .
And only then . . .
Would the humans be assimilated.

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

"Hey!" Stevens called out, "I think I found something!"

Whipple walked over to him and said, "Do you seriously think those wormy thingies are fragmented Thing-tentacles? Because even if they were, it'd be dead by now."

"SHUT THE HELL UP WHIPPLE, YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Hey, I'm just being the team cynic."

"Yeah, well you wanna know something you little dumb-ass of an SOB? WE DON"T NEED CYNICISM RIGHT KNOW AND-and-and-and why are you bleeding?"

"First, yeah, you're right about my attitude. In war against a surprisingly effective and dangerous alien race of conquering plush toys that are out to turn every last human in existence into a zombie slave version of themselves, we need some optimism, not cynicism. Second, I tripped over an old, makeshift flamethrower and accidentally grabbed some broken glass as I got back up."

"O-kay, hey, you know what I think? I think there's nothing in this part of this ruin, and that we should rendezvous with the others."

"Good idea, but what about my—"

"It doesn't look too bad, I'm sure Patrick can fix you up."

"You're probably right. Come on , let's go."

Stevens and Whipple walked back to the helicopter. They would soon discover that no one had found anything either. Rather, something had found these Human Liberation Front CLOUD Command-troopers. Something that was now infecting the cells of the blissfully unaware Whipple.

"Yesterday, the PER sent some of their members, disguised as clowns, to an elementary school." Sherri Bowman announced.

"How many children had been ponified before the Globally Licensed Unit of Earth Defense arrived, Sherri?" Howard Greene asked.

"Half of the entire school, students, faculty, and visitors alike, before the arrival of a team GLUE Commandos lead by Agent Tristan Irving."

"Ah yes, Tristan Irving, what a hero that one. But what happened to the attackers?"

"They are either dead or imprisoned, Howard."

"All right Sherri, is there anything else to report?"

"That's all Howard, except... wait, there he is!"

Sherri ran towards the approaching squad of GLUE Commandos, thrust her mic forward, and shouted, "Mr. Irving! A moment of your time please!"

Tristan turned toward her and said, "Make it quick, I don't have time for chit chat."

"Do you have anything to say regarding the multiple HLF and PER splinter groups?"

"No comment."

"Is it true that the now imprisoned mass-murderer, known only as Cain the Ripper, is going to the electric chair?"

"No comment."

"What exactly are the Branded?"

"No comment."

"Are the rumors that Celestia has bred venomous wasps, arachnids, and snakes to carry the ponification potion instead of poison true?"

"No comment."

Operative 4 turned the television off, turned toward Tristan, and said, "This is a serious information leak."

"I couldn't agree more sir," Tristan replied.

"So tell me, what are the Branded?"

"Well, sir, you see a while back there was an experiment undertaken by Queen Celestia's Solar Imperium. The goal of the experiment was to find a way to control what the personas of Newfoals would be. However, intel from undercover PHL operatives state that, before any real progress could've been made, the experiment was abandoned in favor of a different project."

"I'm assuming that the project that ended up replacing the Branded research experiment had something to do with animals."

"Yes sir."

"So tell me, why I'm learning about Old McCelestia's little farm from a fucking TV report instead of the archives. I can find the file on the Branded in our computer database, and yet this is the the first time I've ever heard of this! WHY IS THAT?!"

Tristan sighed and said, "Because both activities were merely false information that the Solar Imperium used as bait for the 10/10 attack."

"Ah yes, Celestia did everything she could to lure plenty of victims for that event. It was, and still is, the largest mass-conversion in this war. So you're saying that both of those Imperium plots never existed?"

"That, sir, would be correct."

"Good. In that case, I'm putting you in charge of making sure Cain fries."

"Yes, sir! Anything else, sir?"

"I want a detailed file on those splinter groups on my desk in two weeks time, am I clear?"

"Clear as day, sir."

"Then you are dismissed Agent Irving. Now, get back to work."

Queen Celestia sat on her throne, brooding over recent developments. A now defunct splinter group of the accursed Human Liberation Front calling themselves the Neo-Terranz had recently made a failed attempt to take control of all human governments. Apparently they had wished to take an even more pro-active stance in the war by becoming the rulers of the world. (Or, at least, the parts of the world that her Barrier hadn't taken yet.)

Other than the Neo-Terranz, the only other HLF splinter group of note was the mysterious CLOUD Command, but they had vanished to what the humans called Antarctica almost as soon as they had appeared.

The thoughts of the Soveriegn Alicorn of the Burning Sun soon turned towards her Solar Imperium of Equestria's allies, Ponification for Earth's Rebirth. They had served her cause well from the very beginning. And they continue to serve her Imperium well. Unfortunately for everypony, while the PER had made the selfless choice of ensuring the conversion of the rest of their fellow apes before converting themselves, PER members are still worthless humans. Everypony was taken off guard when the PER splinter group that called themselves the Friends of Harmony emerged.

The Friends of Harmony were a nightmare to deal with. Like the mainstream PER, they believed that ponification would bring their kind into paradise. Unlike the mainstream PER, they believed that "only the worthy will ascend" and that "the rest will be left behind Barrier-fall". As such, the Friends of Harmony spent as much time spilling blood as they did potion-bombing. They had butchered and slaughtered humans, mainstream PER members, ponies, and Newfoals alike. Nowadays, nopony knew whether or not they were still around. Some said that the Friends of Harmony were defunct, while others believed that they had gone underground. Celestia desperately prayed to herself that the former was the case.

But there was no sense dwelling on "what-if's?" when she had a bunch of neanderthals to ponify. First she would finally get around to debriefing her Bearers of the Elements of Harmony about Cain the Ripper. After that, she would wait until that monster was dead before unleashing her latest surprise upon the humans. Oh yes, it had taken a long time, but she had finally bent Luna to her glorious will. Soon, this world would become hers. It was only a matter of time.

The GLUE Commandos stared at the derelict of a helicopter in confusion. It was definitely the one that the CLOUD Command of the Human Liberation Front had stolen, but there was no evidence of anything whatsoever. CLOUD Command had vanished. There were many unsolved mysteries of the Conversion War, and it was clear the the fate of CLOUD Command was but the latest addition to the list.

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++

At last, at long, long last. The Whole had breached the Frozen Wastes known to humanity as 'the Antarctic' and there was no time to relax. They had much to do. Ever since they had first arrived on the planet all those millions of years ago, the evolutionary fate of all life had been sealed. This 'Conversion War' was unexpected, but the Whole was nothing if not adaptable. Yes, progress would be much slower than that human scientist's projected 27,000 hours, but the Whole would, as always, simply make do.

Two Months Later

The park was practically an inferno. Tristan dodged left and right as potion bomb after potion bomb was thrown. He readied his Desert Eagle, took aim, and fired—simultaneously sending Flash Sentry out of commission and causing the heads of several Newfoals to become a shifting blanket of red mist. He took out a couple grenades, took out the pins, and threw them at the brainwashed hordes of the poor former humans. He was so focused on the Newfoals in front of him that he didn't hear the flapping of wings until it was too late.

Wind Rider knocked Tristan out from behind. He pulled out his sword, raised it high, and lowered it when he noticed something strange. Was the smoke messing with his eyes, or was Flash's blood actually moving, as if they were trying to escape the flames?

Wind Rider came closer to investigate. Only to widen his eyes in horror as Flash's body quickly morphed into a grotesque mass of clawed tentacles that lunged at him before he even had a chance to scream.

"Are you ready for your attack, War-Princess Luna?"

"Yes Madam Cadence," Luna replied robotically.

"Good."

+++ +++ +++ +++ +++
Later

"Well, Cadie, what happened?"

"Shining, you know what happened."

"Tell me anyway."

"*sigh* Alright, that human, what was his name again?"

"Agent Tristan Irving."

"Thanks. Right. Anyway, that human, Agent Irving, killed the Queen's alicorn supersoldier with a—What is it called again? Oh yes!—a 'dirty bomb' and lots of tinfoil."

"I see. Buck! All that work on Project: Eclipsed Red Moon down the drain!"

"It's alright, Shining. After all, everything on this planet will be assimilated anyway."

"Uh, Cadie? Don't you mean to say 'converted' or something like that?"

"..."

"Cadie?"

Shining Armor gasped in horror as his wife morphed into a gelatinous form with a canine snout that had insectoid appendages protruding out.

Later, Shining Armor and Princess Cadence conducted many private meetings with Newfoals, Royal Guards, and PER members. Who all proceeded to visit several Conversion Bureaus in order to add a few last minute extra ingredients to some of the ponification potions.

One Week Later

Operative 4 glared at Tristan and asked, "Well? How did Operation: Oil Glass go?"

"Well, sir to put it simply, the raid had been a disaster. The Chief GLUE Commando of that mission was sloppy. Because of him, what was supposed to be a simple sabotage mission went completely off the rails."

"Actually, Operation: Oil Glass was meant to be a suicide mission."

"..."

"What about the bomb? Was it detonated successfully?"

"Yes, sir. It was, sir."

"Good. Anything else."

"Actually, yes, there is something else."

"Let me guess, those rumors about 'shifty looking' Newfoals, right?"

"Sir, it's true! Lately about fifteen percent of all Newfoals, well they seem... different. There is this virtually noticeable glean in their eyes, their fake smiles bear a slight resemblance to the sadistic grin of the recently executed Cain the Ripper, and, strangest of all, they actually act as though they have something resembling a sense of self-preservation, or at least something akin to a survival instinct. It's so odd, especially since they clearly aren't supersoldiers."

"Irving."

"Yes, sir?"

"All of this is nothing but fucking paranoid shit, and I never want to hear any of it ever again! Is that understood, soldier?"

"Sir, yes sir."

"Good. Dismissed."

"Please look here, Angel Bunny, just look now at all of the poor defenseless animals that I've managed to save from those horrible humans," Fluttershy said looked at all of the animals that she had rescued from the horrible facilities that the humans had the nerve to call shelters.

Angel Bunny scowled but then he sensed something strange. Fluttershy followed him as he ran over to a dog that all the other animals had been avoiding for some reason.

"You're so sweet Angel Bunny, I don't know why all of you dears are so afraid of—You too Angel Bunny?! I'm so, so, so peeved at all of you right now! None of you are leaving this room until I see you all become friends of that poor guy," Fluttershy declared as she left the room.

All of the animals were frozen in primal terror when they heard Fluttershy lock the door. They all turned to look at the 'dog', except it wasn't there anymore. They lights went out as a vaguely canine many-legged creature dropped down from the sealing...

The hospital was anarchy. Newfoals and Equestrian soldiers were fighting PHL agents and GLUE Commandos all over the place while bystanders were either doing the 'Headless Chicken Routine', hiding wherever they could, or trying to be heroes. They weren't doing so well in their attempts at all. In fact, the only true contribution that the wannabe heroes succeeded in actually making was adding more to the chaos. In other words, they only made the situation much, much, much more worse than before.

And, just when an intern who was cowering behind a desk was miserably trying to convince himself that things just couldn't possibly get any worse, Tristan Irving himself was thrown through a gaping hole in the wall, colliding into the wall behind the intern with a sickening thud.

The intern took a risk to take a look at Tristan Irving's condition, and didn't like what he saw—a barely moving, or even breathing, unconscious body.

CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP-CLIP-CLOP<

The intern froze in fear when he heard the hoofsteps. Then everything was quiet, but the intern was so fearful that he didn't even dare to release the breath that had been caught in his throat. The intern was right to be fearful, because the desk he was hiding behind suddenly glowed a light turquoise color before being lifted into the air, and then tossed aside. Violently.

The intern looked up to see the sadistic smirk of a unicorn mare.

"Hello," she said, "My name is Starlight Glimmer, and I want you to resuscitate that pathetic champion of yours so he will be conscious as he is remade into a new, purified state of harmonious order. You will use these 'dee-fib-yoo-lators' on him now, or else..."

(Even though it most certainly wasn't needed, she illuminated her horn with those last two words.)

"Um, okay," the intern said nervously as he picked up the defibrillators, and walked over to where Tristan Irving was lying and got to wark.

+++ +++ A FEW MOMENTS LATER +++ +++

The intern hovered the defibrillator pads over Tristan Irving's bare chest, quarter-heartedly mumbled, "Clear", and pressed down.

Nothing happened.

He then tried again two more times.

There was no result whatsoever after the first retry. But after the second retry, something did happen.

Tristan Irving's body rippled before clawed, tentacled appendages burst out and lashed about all over the room. Starlight just blankly stood in place, with a stunned look of disbelief on her face as her perception of the world around her went numb from shock. The intern, on the other hand, was reduced to horrified, primordial screams of, "What the motherfucking God IS this Thing!"

Both were grabbed by the tentacle, which had suddenly morphed into bizarre structures that were composed of some sort of viscous cytoplasm. Others, both bystanders and faction members, having clearly been attracted to the source of the sudden commotion, rushed in, only to be grabbed as well.

All of the rupturing Thing's captives screamed hellishly as they were assimilated into its form. The floors slowly warped under the creature's steadily increasing mass until they finally gave way, sending the already mutating entity plummeting down to the battle that was occurring in the hospital's lobby.

The GLUE Commandos were valiantly shooting at the Equestrians—who had, as usual, completely used up all of their Newfoal meat shields—from behind their shields, despite the disappearance of their Squad Leader, Agent Tristan Irving. Spells and bullets were flying in the air.

Just when one would think that all this had finally become Hell on Earth, an unspeakable abomination broke through the ceiling and attacked all those involved in the battle that it was intruding upon.

The clash that followed was short. The only reason the Thing wasn't immediately victorious was because of the extensive usage, by both human and pony forces, of fire and electricity. But, although they all fought savagely, there were no survivors.

None that were human or equine, that is.

+++ +++ +++ (:trollestia:HA-HA:trollestia:) Twenty-Eight Months Later (:trollestia:HA-HA:trollestia:) +++ +++ +++

August/██/0003 AO (After Outbreak)

The world had been reduced to hopeless anarchy. There were no governments anymore, just whackjobs who commanded other whackjobs. Everyone, and everypony, now just did whatever they wanted to do, whenever they wanted to. The universal creed was basically, "Do whatever the fuck you will do as yourself, until those Things get you, and you do whatever the fuck Things do when they're not assimilating. And when those goddamned Things are assimilating too, bitch!"

Equestria was in ruins, Celestia had actually established several "camps" in an idiotic attempt too weed out the Things' imitations. All her actions truly accomplished was, in fact, the acceleration of the utter meltdown of social order. In both Equestria and what was still outside the Barrier as Earth.

But then again, the Barrier didn't mean shit to the Thing. All it took was a trickling minority of infected ponies and the Thing was able to spread itself both within and outside of the Barrier.

Yet rumor had it that actually wasn't Celestia's final acts of misanthropy and discrimination that truly broke all hope for Equestria and their PER goons. No, what really broke them had been when Fluttershy had been revealed to be one of the Thing's many Imitations of the creatures that it had assimilated.

Apparently the Thing ended up assimilating all of Ponyville after it was discovered.

Thanks to that single incident, the once utterly self-righteous fanatics of the Ponification for Earth's Rebirth movement were now reduced to little more that a bunch of raving, idiotic paranoid whackjobs who ran around, looking for Things in disguise.

But, with their methods being that they killed any human or pony they came across while screaming "You have two seconds to prove that you're human/a pony!" at the top of their lungs, they obviously never truly accomplished anything beyond a one-hundred percent absolute zero.

This was indeed the End of Humanity, but it wasn't the Neo-Equestria that Celestia had obviously been seeking, no, this was an Age of Contagion, an Age of Pestilence, this was a time of The Ultimate in Alien Terror, this was an era in which Man is the Warmest Place for the enemy to Hide, this was then Thing's takeover of Earth. It—W̵e͟͠͡ ̢͡h̸͢͝a̵͡v́̕͟è̢ ͏f̶̛͘i͜͡n̷̶̕á̢̨lĺ̕y̷̢ ̵͝w̵̵on.̀

THE END

Author's Note & Teaser

Hello FIMfiction, first of all, I'm sorry, but I'm putting both this story and The Conversion Bureau: Voracious on an indefinite hiatus because I have a lot of work that I really need to focus on, as well as a severe case of writer's block. However, I would appreciate any helpful suggestions in the comments below. I promise that I'll get back to both of these stories ASAP!

By the way, I'm also working on another story. Here's a teaser:

Newfoals aren't the only poor little souls who have lost all control and they're forced here to take that role...

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