It Was a Dark and Stormy Night
“It was a dark and stormy night,” Maud began. “Little did I know my life was about to change forever.”
Rarity’s smile wavered and grew desperate. She sat at the table in the Cantering Cook, one of the premier restaurants in Manehatten, nay, Equestria, listening to Maud talk about her first encounter with Boulder.
A rock.
But she had to do it. She had to listen, for Pinkie Pie. Even now the party pony was off to buy Maud’s a special gift, and she, Rarity, had to help her friend by distracting Maud. Even if it did mean listening to her talk.
“The night air was cold and it was raining hard,” Maud went on. “It was stormy. Did I mention that?”
Maybe she could order some food if she had to listen. Rarity half-turned in her seat to flag down a waiter.
“Only luck saved me from the first dragon attack.” Maud said.
Rarity’s head whipped round so quickly she nearly stabbed a passing waiter with her horn.
“What was that?” She asked.
“It was a dark and stormy night.” Maud said. “Little did I know—”
“No, no, not that.” Rarity said quickly. “The dragons. What dragons? Where did they come from?”
“They came from underground.” Maud said. “It was an ambush.”
“Ambush? What?” Rarity felt off-balance. “What are you talking about, Maud?”
“I’m telling you how I met Boulder.” Maud said, indicating the stone on the table. “It was after the dragon attack.”
“Yes, yes…” Rarity said slowly. “I understand, but can you maybe back up a teensy bit? To begin with, how did you encounter a bunch of dragons? And where? And how? And why? And when? And how?”
Maud blinked once. Slowly. “It was several years ago.” She said. “Back when I was in the Equestrian Guard.”
“You were in the army?” Rarity blurted out. “Since when?”
“Before I went to earn my Rockorate.” Maud said. “I had just finished my last tour when I met you all.”
Rarity’s mouth was agape. She knew other ponies in the restaurant were staring, but for once she didn’t care.
“How do you think I paid for rock school?” Maud asked. “It’s expensive and my family doesn’t have many bits.”
“Well, I suppose I—I never thought of it before,” Rarity confessed. “But, uh, the Equestrian Guard?”
“Yes.” Maud said. “Actually, I was part of the First Recon squad.”
“First Recon?” Rarity wrinkled her brow. “Isn’t that an elite unit?”
“It is.” Maud said. “I got in. Apparently I have good posture and discipline.”
Rarity glanced at Maud’s ramrod-straight back and unflinchingly stoic expression. “I can see that,” she said.
“Anyways, we were in the Brimstone Mountain region,” Maud said. “It was my first mission. As the newest recruit to the squad I was assigned to Lieutenant Red Coat who mentored me. He was second-in-command under Commander Custer.”
“And the dragons?” Rarity interrupted. “Where exactly do the dragons fit into this?”
“The mountains we were investigating housed an active volcano.” Maud explained. “Unicorns had predicted the eruption would happen in a day or two. My squad had been sent in to make sure there were no innocents nearby. There had been reports of movements and strange sounds from the mountains, and Celestia feared there might be lost or reclusive ponies hiding there.”
“So they sent you?” Rarity asked incredulously.
“Not just us.” Maud explained. “A group of Wonderbolts came too. We were to search the area for any life and withdraw before the volcano erupted.”
Rarity put her hoof to her head. “That—that’s makes sense I suppose…”
“And then the dragons attacked.” Maud said. “Our squad was heading towards the next mountain. Red Coat was asking me about rocks. I was telling him about the different types of pumice when Commander Custard ordered us to halt. He was worried and told the Wonderbolts to get into the air and us to get ready. But we were too late.”
Maud blinked. It was the first time she had done so since her story began.
“They came out of the caverns. Five dragons. They hit the Wonderbolts in an instant. Commander Custard ordered us to make a stand, but every pony ran for it besides him. The dragons got him on the second pass and at him in the air.”
Rarity stared at Maud in horror. “They did?”
Maud nodded. “Yes. And they grabbed Private Fast Fodder and Sergeant Plod Foot as well. They would have gotten me too if Red Coat hadn’t pulled me to safety. The rest of us were hiding behind boulders while the dragons ate.”
Once again Rarity could only gape and stare. It didn’t seem to bother Maud though, as the earth pony continued her story in her level tone.
“My squad was down. Commander Custard was dead, ripped apart by the dragons. The rest of us were hiding among the rocks but the dragons were circling. If we moved they would descend, but the volcano would erupt soon. There was only one choice. We had to flee.”
Rarity managed to close her mouth at last. A waiter bustled up, took one look at her face, and bustled away.
Maud closed her eyes for a moment before opening. “Our only chance lay in climbing up one of the mountains behind us. We’d found a cave opening there earlier that day. It was far too small for any dragon to enter, but ponies could enter it. The cave had an exit on the other side of the volcano. We could use it to escape and hide. If we got there. It was a thirty yard dash to the cliffs, and then we would need to scale it using boulders for cover all while the dragons attacked.”
Maud felt silent. Rarity leaned forwards. “What happened next?”
“We ran as the skies spat flame.” Maud said. “Five of us burned as we ran for the cave. Two more were plucked from the skies. Only Red and I escaped.”
“The others. Did they…?”
“We heard the dragons eating them as we climbed.” Maud’s expression didn’t change. “I wanted to turn back but Red Coat kept pushing me forwards. As it was, we barely made it to the cave in time. We hid inside, thinking we were safe. But then—”
Maud glanced towards the bathroom, as if searching for Pinkie Pie. When the familiar pink mane failed to appear she looked back at Rarity and continued.
“Red Coat and I were just discussing what to do when the dragon’s head poked into the cave. It was the smallest of the dragons, only a few centuries older than Spike. It could fit it’s head in the cave opening. Not far enough to bite, but it could still breathe fire.”
Rarity’s pulse was racing. Maud’s eyes held her like the stare of the cockatrice.
“I don’t know why he did it. But Red Coat threw himself in front of me and took the dragon breath in my place. I heard him screaming – saw the flames. Then the dragon was gone, and he was in my hooves.”
Rarity couldn’t breathe. Maud’s face was still even as she talked. The light was bright; the restaurant lively. The pony in front of Rarity didn’t shed a tear.
“The dragon must have thought he had killed both of us. He left us for dead. In truth only Red had been hurt. He was dying and I couldn’t save him.”
Maud glanced down at the table for a second and looked up at Rarity.
“With his last breath Red told me to run.” Maud looked down at the table again. “No. That’s not really right. He told me he always liked my mane. Then he died.”
Rarity’s vision was blurry. She wiped at her eyes and saw that Maud hadn’t moved. The earth pony was still sitting at the table, face blank as always.
That was wrong. Rarity opened her mouth to shout angrily at Maud and then she saw it.
Maud brushed at her face with one hoof. Suddenly Rarity felt incredible guilty. But Maud continued as thought nothing had happened.
“I buried him on that cliffside and marked his grave with quartzite and basalt. It’s hard to dig in stone and I wasn’t as good at digging as I am now. It took me all day, but I finished with my hooves bloody and my back aching. Then I went after the dragons.”
“The dragons?” Rarity’s head jerked back up and she stopped sniffling. “What was that? You went after the dragons?”
“Yes.” Maud said.
“They killed your entire squad!”
“Yes.” Maud said again.
“Red Coat gave his life to let you escape! He wanted you to run and live!”
“Yes.” Maud didn’t blink.
“B-but then why—?”
“I felt it needed to be done. At any rate I was cut off from any hope of reinforcements and stranded deep within dragon territory. If I left them alone they would have caught me the instant I entered an open area.”
“But you could have hid—”
“I felt. It need. To be done.” Maud stared at Rarity.
The unicorn shrank back in her seat. “Sorry,” she said in a tiny voice.
“I’m the one who should apologize.” Maud said. “Sorry. But I was going to kill the dragons. So I did.”
“What?” Rarity stopped dabbing at her eyes with a napkin and stared at Maud. “What?”
“I passed by several unique geological formations in the volcanic region,” Maud said. “Red Coat and I had found several pieces of obsidian, lots of gabbro, diorite, feldspars, among other igneous rocks, but also, crucially, a vein of cinnabar.”
“I’m sorry, but again, what?”
“Cinnabar is known as Dragon’s Blood due to its highly toxic nature.” Maud explained. “It’s deadly even to dragons. It forms near volcanos and has a highly distinct red coloration. Heating it causes mercury to be released which can cause death. I found the cinnabar and the dragons had fire breath. Q.E.D.”
Rarity sat back in her chair. If she had been standing she would have sat. Since she was sitting she just stared. “You poisoned the dragons?”
“It was a simple task to sneak into the caverns where they made their lair.” Maid said. “There I found them, sleeping off their meal. I placed the cinnabar in front of one dragon and ran before it flamed in its sleep. The poison took hold at once, killing them.”
It was important, Rarity thought to herself, that Spike never hear Maud’s story. On that note, it was important that Maud didn’t talk to Spike, possibly ever again. “So you killed the dragons,” she said, trying to wrap her mind around the idea. “And escaped, correct?”
Maud shook her head. “No. While I was running out of the mountains one of the dragons came after me.”
“But I thought you poisoned—”
“Dragons don’t die so easily even from deadliest poison,” Maud explained. “This one was young and healthy. It cut me off at a pass.”
“So you ran?” Rarity leaned forwards, both hooves on the table. “Or did you hide?”
“Neither. As the dragon charged me I attacked it with my hooves.” Maud blinked once. “It was an epic battle.”
Rarity waited with baited breath. Maud glanced at her, down at the table, and nudged Boulder with one hoof.
“…And?” Rarity prompted after she had to abandon her baited breath.
“And what?” Maud asked.
“What happened?” Rarity was practically jumping out of her seat.
“I told you. It was an epic battle.”
“No, I mean yes, but—” Rarity gabbled. “Details! I need the details! Give me the blow by blow of what happened.”
“Well I guess.” Maud looked around. “Pinkie Pie is still washing her hooves so I suppose there’s time. Where was I?”
“The epic battle.”
“Yes. The epic battle.” Maud blinked again. “The dragon was weak from the Cinnabar but he was still strong and ready to kill me. I dodged three swipes but he managed to rake my side with his talons. It hurt.”
“He raked you?” Rarity squeaked. “With…with his claws?”
“Yes.” Maud didn’t blink. “That’s what I said.”
“Was there much, um, blood?”
“Yes.” Maud scratched her side. “Lots.”
Rarity peered cautiously at Maud. “I-I don’t see um, any scars.”
“I wear this dress to hide it.” Maud pointed to her plain grey dress. “It upsets ponies if I take it off.”
“Indeed?” Rarity’s eyes were glued to Maud’s side. The other pony didn’t seem to mind. She continued her tale.
“I was fighting the dragon and losing blood. He bit at me and tried to cut me again with his claws. I hit him back. It took a while but I eventually broke his skull with my hooves.”
Rarity’s eyes jerked upwards. “Say that again.”
“I broke his skull.”
“Say it again.”
“I broke his skull. With my hooves.”
For the first time Rarity looked at Maud and seriously wondered whether she was lying. “Um, Maud, darling. I don’t mean to interrupt your story, but uh, how did you do that? Break a dragon’s skull, I mean.”
“I hit him.” Maud held up one of her hooves. “With this. Would you like me to show you?”
She moved her hoof closer to Rarity’s face and the unicorn nearly tumbled out of her chair in panic. “No! Not me! Hit something else!”
“How about this?” Maud’s hoof hovered over the table.
“We’re sitting here! Do the floor, the floor!”
Maud bent down and tapped her hoof on the ground slowly.
Rarity held her breath. She had to exhale after a while.
Nothing happened.
Maud straightened up and nodded. Once. “There.”
Rarity stared at Maud and then at the floor. “I…see. Um, good. Thank you for showing me, Maud. So how does your story end?”
Maud nodded. “After the dragon died I passed out due to blood loss. When I woke up the volcanic eruption had begun. I outran the magma and made it to Canterlot by myself. It took me three weeks to get back to make my report and only after three months had passed was I able to go back for the bodies of my squad.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Rarity interrupted. “It took you three weeks to get back? I’ve been to those mountains. It’s only a day’s journey away!”
“Yes.” Maud said. “But both my forelegs were broken.”
“What!?”
“I broke them hitting the dragon.” Maud tilted her head to the side a faction of a millimeter. “Didn’t I say?”
“Well no, you skipped that bit. I suppose it must have been a minor detail,” Rarity said.
“That’s right.” Maud ignored Rarity’s spluttering and went on. “I brought Red’s body back, but I couldn’t find Custard’s remains or anypony else’s. I did find the dragons though. They were all dead but it proved my story. That was good.”
“It needed to be proven?”
“My commanding officer didn’t believe me.” Maud said. “He thought I was lying.”
“I can’t imagine why—” Rarity caught herself and sighed. “Ahem. He believed you after you showed him the bodies, I take it?”
“Yes. He passed out, but he told me he believed me after he woke up. I was awarded the Equestrian Heart and given an honorable discharge after my time was up.”
Maud finished and looked expectantly at Rarity. Rarity stared back, numb for words. When she did find some, and when her brain had regained enough of itself to formulate thoughts, the first thing that popped into her head and out of her mouth was,
“But what does this have to do with Boulder? You didn’t mention him once in the entire tale!”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Maud pointed to Boulder. “Boulder is the quartzite I used to mark Red’s grave. I carried him back with me. His cousin Stone is still with Red in his grave in Canterlot. I visit him sometimes.”
Rarity stared at Boulder as if he had suddenly transformed himself into a talking Star Spider with a clown hat. “…I’m not sure what to say,” she said at last. “It’s such an amazing tale, but you told it so…so…”
“I’m glad I could confide in someone,” Maud said. “It was hard not telling anypony, but it was hard to tell as well.”
“But why me?” Rarity asked. “Why not Pinkie Pie or another member of your family.”
Maud was silent for a minute. “I didn’t want to worry Pinkie.” She said at last. “She wouldn’t be happy if I told her the story.”
“No,” Rarity said. “No. She wouldn’t, would she?”
“Thank you for listening.” Maud said. “But would you do me a favor?”
“Of course!” Rarity exclaimed. “What do you need?”
“Can you act?”
“Can I act?” Rarity said mystified, and a little hurt. “Of course I can act! Why, I always dreamed of being on Bridleway!”
“In that case, can you please pretend my story was very dull and boring?” Maud glanced over Rarity’s shoulder. “Right now, please.”
“Of course, but—”
For the first time Rarity was interrupted by Maud.
“—And Boulder’s been by my side ever since.”
“Wow. What a surprisingly suspenseful and compelling story,” Rarity said truthfully, but in the tone of voice that indicated the opposite. “I completely get what you see in him now.”
She wanted to say, ‘how was that?’ to Maud, but then she saw Pinkie Pie trudging towards their table. She bit the words back and tried to focus her mind away from Maud’s mind-bending revelations and back towards her uncharacteristically depressed friend.
Rarity didn’t get the chance to talk to Maud one-on-one again, but the ensuing drama of the day was quite sufficient to keep her mind completely occupied regardless. She bade farewell to Maud at the train station and went back to Ponyville with Pinkie Pie, still pondering the story in the back of her mind.
The next day Rarity was reading the Manehatten Press when a headline caught her eye.
RESTAURANT DESTROYED BY EARTHQUAKE
“The popular restaurant the Cantering Cook has collapsed due to a localized earthquake the occurred around 6 PM yesterday. Fortunately no pony was hurt but safety officials are baffled by the occurrence. The earthquake was apparently caused by a fissure crack in the tectonic plates but construction workers detected so no such fault when initially founding the restaurant. An ongoing investigation is pending as to whether or not this mysterious fissure is present in other parts of the city…”
Rarity put down her newspaper.
“Huh,” she said.
