Wait, you can't be serious?
“You can’t be serious, can you?!” Spike guffawed in shock, causing him to spew lemonade out of his mouth.
He was interrupted by a low, irritated groan beside him. Glancing to his right, he saw lemonade dripping from Twilight’s mane and muzzle. She shot daggers at him as she quietly kept in her disgruntlement; he chuckled nervously. “Heh, sorry.” He picked up his glass to take another sip, turning his head back around to Trixie.
Twilight’s horn glowed violet, as a rippling aura formed around her it and the chrome dispenser in the middle of the table. She grabbed a hoof-ful of napkins and began wiping herself off of the sticky, lemony sucrose.
On the bright side, the splash cooled her down a bit. It was rather warm outside; the sun was out and shining, and the wind was almost non-existent, nothing more than a refreshing tickle every now and then. It was a fine day for a picnic.
She smiled. She had been camped out at their table since last night. She got the best of both worlds, a night of stargazing and the best spot in the entire park. While scanning the sky she spotted grey clouds far off in the distance. She studied them for a short while before coming to the conclusion they should not be a problem.
“Yes, the Great and Powerful Trixie was very serious.” Trixie proclaimed with a straight face. Spike was sipping on his lemonade and could not help but laugh again, which resulted in not only a more irritated, but also a wetter, stickier Twilight. A throaty growl escaped her mouth as drops of lemonade dripped to the ground.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!” Spike exclaimed.
“Why isn’t that absurd, it most definitely is not ‘ridiculous.’”
“Yeah it is…”
“Hmph.” Trixie folded her forelegs and puffed out her lower lip. Twilight rolled her eyes at Trixie’s snooty antics. Using her magic, she levitated a book to herself. She cracked it open and began to read in hopes of drowning out the growing idiocy.
Unfortunately, she had not gotten a full sentence into the book before Trixie jumped on the picnic table, and raised a hoof towards the sky. “I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, need a pair of wings!”
Twilight glanced up and stared at her. “Why?”
“‘Why?’ What a foolish question. Because, does it not make sense for the greatest and most powerful being in all of Equestria to be given the most—”
“Okay, Ah’m gonna to stop ya right there partner,” A voice came from beside the table. Applejack and Rarity were laying down in the lush grass, playing a classy game of chess. “First of all, the only thing you are ‘great’ and ’powerful’ at is bein’ a fly buzzin’ in my ear.”
“Secondly,” Rarity chimed in, “being an alicorn takes a lot, and not just any dame can tackle the task of being one. Besides, darling, if you are an alicorn, then you are given the responsibility of a princess, and with a narcissistic attitude like that, I could not even imagine you on a throne.”
“Is that why that Blueblood fella’ turned you down—” Applejack retorted.
“Oh, hush.You know exactly why that went nowhere.”
“Did he not have enough mirrors in his house?”
Rarity sighed. “No, matter of fact, he did not.”
A satisfied smirk crossed Applejack’s maw. Rarity rolled her eyes and used her hoof to progress her pawn platoon forward.
Spike shifted his view from Rarity and Applejack back to Trixie. “And third of all, you are not the most powerful being in all of Equestria. That title goes to Twilight. You are maybe, top 100? I guess…” he said, while twirling the umbrella in his half-full glass of lemonade.
Trixie, with her forelegs remaining crossed, turned her head away from Spike; she flipped her mane and glared at him out of the corner of her eye. She felt betrayed. Who would ever undermine the Great and Powerful Trixie?
Twilight blushed at Spike’s compliment. “Well, thank you, but believe me, I am far from the most powerful—”
“Sure ya are. Tirek is a prune in Tartarus, Chrysalis was blasted to, I don’t know, the moon? And Discord? He had to sacrifice some of his magic when he was reformed,” Applejack said.
“What about Celestia? Or Luna—”
“Sugarcube, I am as loyal as the next subject and what not, but I haven’t ever seen her defeat anypony. If I recall, just lost a duel to an overgrown gnat, did not even show up when Nightmare Moon returned, missed the invite to the Crystal Empire when that shadow guy—Sombra was it—darn near took over, and she got abducted by a bunch of cockamamie plants. Twi, my whole life is workin’ with plants. That ain’t sayin’ much.”
“Princess Luna?”
“The way I see it, she’s in the same boat as Celestia, just a leg shorter. Then again, I reckon it takes a powerful pony to survive on the moon without any oxygen. Eh, not the point. Point is, as far as I am concerned, you are easily the most powerful being. Next to Granny’s Bean dip that is.” Applejack shuddered.
“What about Cadence?” Twilight inquired.
Rarity and Applejack shared a look, before busting out into a heave of uncontrollable laughter, with Spike following suit. Gasping for breath, he said, “You can’t...keep...doing this Twilight. It’s...too...funny.”
“What? Cadence is very powerful. She knows everything there is to know about shields, and crystals, and love. I don’t know any of that.”
It didn’t matter, nopony was going to hear her over the umptious amount of chortling. Was Cadence really not that powerful? Twilight thought on it a bit; she had plenty of time, as the others had not come close to the peak of their outburst.
Shields? Well, to be fair, Shining Armor was the real shield extraordinaire, and she bested him all the time when they were foals. Crystals? To be fair, Rarity knows gems just as well as anypony, excusing the ‘Tom’ incident of course. What about love? Certainly love was not a force to be reckoned with. With its hugs, and kisses, and cuddles, and...cheesy romance novels, and forty-three percent divorce rate?
Twilight raised a brow and shrugged. Perhaps Cadence was not as strong she thought, or maybe she was more powerful than she calculated.
Nevertheless, she was flattered; she felt proud knowing her friends thought so highly of her. She always speculated they did; however, she was not sure how high. By her calculations, she had come to the conclusion certainly not more than the ruler of Equestria. But, maybe she forgot to carry the two—wait, did she? She would have to check when she and Spike returned home.
Twilight picked up her book again with her magic, but before she started reading, she noticed Trixie was stuck with her forelegs folded and was still facing away from them. Twilight ignored it at first, thinking Trixie would get over it in a minute or so—as she always did—but she could not help herself. If there were a negative to being the Princess of Friendship, it would have to be the excessive feeling of obligation to cater to a friend’s needs.. “So, what did you want them for?”
Trixie raised an ear. “Hm? What was that?”
“I said, what did you want them for?”
“Want what?”
Twilight blinked. “You have got to be kidding me—we were just talking about them no more than a minute ago.”
“I am afraid Trixie does not recall whatever it is you’re talking about.” Trixie flipped her mane with attitude.
Twilight could feel her blood boiling. She bit her lip and suppressed the urge to hit over the head with her book. “The wings. You wanted wings.” Her voice was impassive.
“Me? Why would I want wings? Much less, how could I ever be worthy of wings? I am only the meek and ‘maybe top 100 Trixie, nothing great or powerful about her.”
Twilight stared at her. Her left eye twitched, and she fell face first onto the table, landing with a THUD!
Trixie glanced at Twilight then back off into the distance. Spike stared, bouncing his eyes back and forth between the lifeless Twilight and snooty Trixie. Unsure of what exactly to do or say, he decided to remain silent.
Twilight lifted her face off the table and blinked at Trixie. “I am not calling you that.”
“Then, Trixie does not answer your question.”
“Fine by me.” Twilight picked up her book and pretended as if she was reading.
Trixie’s face contorted; she was agasped. Seeing as she was not getting her way, she tapped her hoof like an impatient filly waiting for their mother to quit talking to some friend they hadn’t seen since Magic School, thirty years ago.
In her head, Twilight counted down, five...four...three...two...one...and—
“The Great and Powerful Trixie wants wings because she feels that she deserves them,” she said, as pridefully as she could. “And, she must admit she is a little jealous…”
“Really?”
“No—I mean—the Great and Powerful Trixie is envious, yes, but not of you, but of the Greater and More Powerful Trixie, the one with wings. Not the wingless, Great and Powerful Trixie.”
“Wow, that almost sounded like a compliment—I think?”
“Well, that was not Trixie’s intent.”
“Why am I not surprised…” Twilight had sighed so much; at the rate she was going, she was destined to be an airless balloon by dusk.
“Well then, would you be so gracious as to provide Trixie with wings?”
“No.”
“Well, why not?” Instantly, everypony busted into a bustling barrage of laughter. “What?” Trixie asked in surprise. Nopony responded, they were all wheezing in attempt to catch their long-gone breath, robbed from them by her ignorance. “What is so funny?”
Spike managed to catch his breath. He picked himself off the ground and climbed onto the bench again since he had fallen onto the ground in the midst of laughing. He smiled, reaching for his glass. The corner of his eyes glistened from two crystalline tear drops hanging on the edge of his eyes. “I’m sorry, for a moment there I thought you were serious.” He picked up his glass of lemonade and began to drink, in attempt to rid his dry throat.
Twilight pulled herself onto her seat again and looked at Trixie with a devious smile crossing her face. “You know what,” she covered her mouth to snortle, “I will give you wings—”
A spray of lemony droplets interrupted her. She closed her eyes, bracing herself, then reopened them. Viscid globules of lemonade dribbled from her mane. She growled again. Three times? What luck? She was no longer shooting daggers at Spike, but rather driving dual rapiers through him.
He chuckled. He was going to apologize again, but he had a better idea. He began whistling, his eyes moved anywhere but in Twilight’s direction. He leaned back, and tipped his glass over, letting the lemonade pour onto the grass, washing away the decorative umbrella as well. All the while still avoiding Twilight’s stare. Once the glass was emptied, he dared to glance at Twilight again. Her face was filled to the brink with dismay. His throat tightened, and he tittered a little louder. “You were not serious, right?”
Twilight, who was wiping herself dry for the third and hopefully last time for the day, answered in the most cheery voice she could conjure up—which was not all too hard. “Yes, I think Trixie should get her wings, just as she deserves.”
“What?!” Everypony exclaimed in unison, including Trixie. Trixie knew she deserved a pair of wings; she had ever since she proved she was capable of imprisoning an entire town (that and defeat the legendary wheel monster of Los Pegasus but that’s not important). She was surprised Twilight was going to actually give them to her.
“Really?”
“You betcha,” Twilight said with a wide grin unwavering from her muzzle.
“Well it’s about time,” Trixie said, vanity strained in her voice.
“Twilight, darling,” Rarity said,“you could not possibly even consider giving her wings. What would Celestia say?”
“Don’t worry,” Twilight assured, “Trixie can handle it, after all, she is the all great and powerful, isn’t she?” She winked. Rarity was confused, but went along with Twilight’s notion. She was curious to see what Twilight had planned.
Twilight circled Trixie a few times, surveying her. Trixie watched as Twilight ogled her. Quickly, she grew impatient. “How hard is it to bestow the Great and Powerful Trixie with a set of wings?” Face tensing, the unicorn stomped a hoof into the ground.
Twilight elected not to respond; instead, she trotted over to the picnic table and pulled a few napkins out of the dispenser using her magic. She trotted back over to Trixie, and placed the napkins over the soon-to-be-alicorn’s eyes, tying them around the back of her head, using them as a blindfold.
“What the—” Trixie blurted out.
“Relax, it’ll be a surprise,” Twilight said. She levitated her saddlebag off the picnic table and over to her side in the grass. She unbuckled the bag, and flipped open its flap, lifting out a jar of peanut paste and bottle of water. She used her magic to empty the linen dispenser of all its napkins. She moved all the ingredients in front of her, into her field of view, and inspected them.
The items began spinning in a triangular motion, steadily accelerating until they were going fast enough to create a whirlwind, engulfed by a purple orb. The orb expanded outwards, and the whirlwind grew larger. Then the orb began collapsing on the whirlwind, compressing it to the size of a marble until it combusted.
Purple, glitter-filled smoke filled the air, causing Trixie to begin coughing. On instinct, she lit her horn, using its purple brilliance to guide her out of the violet smoke cloud. Once she made it out, she stopped in her tracks and began a miniature coughing fit.
In the midst of hacking up her lungs, her ears were overridden with an eruption of laughter behind her. She steadied her breathing again and turned around with an accusing hoof pointed at the others. “How dare you laugh at the great and powerful Trixie when she is facing such torment.”
“Hun, we ain’t laughin’ at your hissy-fit, we’re laughin’ at your pair of doohickeys ya got there.” Applejack said, before continuing to snicker.
“Huh?” Trixie peered over her shoulder to see an atrocious sight, paper mache wings, glued together by an adhesive peanut paste and a bit of water. She yelped in her most shrill, ear-splitting voice, causing the others to cover their ears. “Wh-wh-what are these,” Trixie sputtered with a face full of horror, while everypony giggled.
Twilight ambled to Trixie’s side, swinging a forehoof over her friend. “They’re wings—”
“These aren’t wings! They’re paper!”
“Yes, but technically, they are still wings. They are probably not the wings you were expecting, but nevertheless, they’re wings. I quite like them.”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands real wings!”
“You mean alicorn wings?”
“Yes! What other wings would Trixie be referring to?”
“Well, I assumed you didn’t mean alicorn wings, because I don’t know how to give you those. So, I figured you meant for me to make you wings. I’m sorry. How about I make up for it?” Twilight’s horn glowed, as did the inside of her of saddlebag. Out of her bag came a plastic crown of friendship, it had the plastic gems and everything. She placed it right on top of Trixie’s head and smiled. “Usually, I just give these to foals as a token, but I figured you fit that profile, given the circumstances.
“And you know what? Why stop there? I, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, hereby declare, Trixie Lulamoon, Deputy Princess of Friendship for the remainder of the day. And as her first duty, I bestow upon you the task of…”
Twilight’s violet ambience surrounded her saddlebag once again. It stirred, shifting around in the bag for a moment, inciting Trixie’s curiosity. Trixie was disappointed about the wings and tried to show her disinterest in Twilight’s apology, but it was hard to resist. Deputy of a Princess was still a notch below her pay-grade, but it was captivating; especially the opportunity that could spur from it.
“Boring paperwork!” Twilight said, as she pulled out a hefty stack of papers.
A sigh of discontent slipped out of Trixie’s mouth as she trotted back over to the picnic table and sat down, allowing her head to collide with the table, then covering it with her forearms. Twilight grimaced. She twisted her neck around, taking a glimpse of the others. She waved a hoof at the others, then pointed towards the sky, signaling them to leave.
Twilight took a seat next to Trixie, who sat with her muzzle driven into the table. She felt bad for her. She was never the mare’s biggest fan for obvious reasons but, in a way, it was kind of getting payback since Trixie spiked her drink with a truth serum last weekend. She put her hoof on Trixie’s back and rubbed it. “There, there. It was all in good fun, right?”
Trixie didn’t move.
Twilight exhaled and rolled her eyes. A grin was still plastered across her face. “I am sorry Trixie, I mean, the Great and Powerful Trixie. Could you ever forgive me?”
Remaining face down into the table she shook her head no.
“Does Trixie still want wings?”
Trixie replicated her previous answer.
“Then what does the Great and Powerful Trixie want?”
In a muffled voice, Trixie responded, “Trixie wants ice cream.”
“Okay,” Twilight split the stack of papers unevenly, placing the smaller stack next to Trixie and keeping the larger one for herself. “Finish these, and I’ll get you ice cream. Deal?” Trixie didn’t respond. Instead, she laid motionless. Twilight sighed before getting up and trotting away, leaving Trixie all by herself.
Trixie remained in the same spot for a few minutes, wondering if Twilight was gone or demonstrating a glut of patience. Figuring Twilight had left, she raised her head up and leaned against her left forehoof. She glanced down at the thin stack of papers Twilight had given her. It was maybe three pages thick, at most. She sat, staring at it until she felt a tiny splash at the end of her nose. She narrowed her eyes and at the tip of her snout was a teeny-tiny water droplet.
Then she felt another hit her neck. Then another. And another. She glanced up and saw a fleet of thundering, grey clouds. In a mere moment or so, it was pouring rain.
Trixie’s back felt heavy, heavier than it should. She peeked over her shoulder to find her paper mache wings drooping. She took a deep breath, then laid her head down on the table. And as soon as she did, her right wing fell off, filling the air with the smell of dampness and soggy peanut paste.
“The great and powerful Trixie wants peanut butter crackers…”
Author's Note
Just a short little fic that started off as a drabble of nonsense and turned to a semi-decent story. Hope y'all enjoyed it! Hope you laughed! Thanks for reading! It means the world to me.
I would love for your feedback. Good or bad, just don't act immature. Liked it leave a like, and a bunch of other obvious stuff...
Thanks to my wonderful editors! Fire Gazer The Alchemist, who is a phenomenal writer, and helped me with this story greatly. If you love comedy, he is one of the funniest author's on the sight if you ask me. My dear friend, Lunatone who is also and excellent writer. Thanks for motivating me. And, Icecreammac who has helped me improve as writer greatly. I could not thank them enough! You guys are the best.
