So this is what it's like to be a member of a long lost civilization.

by Moofrog 3

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6, Comedy
Length: 6688

You know when you wake up as a member of the living dead you don't usually tend to take it well. It's a good thing for John Greywood that he happened to wake up a future with such nice inhabitents eh?

When John Greywood wakes up six feet underground he finds himself at a loss at his surroundings. Now he must deal with silly ponies, annoying villains, and one very unpleasant cat as he works to find his place in this strange new world. Oh and he's also a member of the undead, but when has a tiny detail like that ever been a problem for anybody?

Published 2016-04-04 02:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-24 15:46:36 UTC

Waking up

Waking up

????

I’m drowning, I don’t know how and I don’t what I’m drowning in but I’m drowning.

Whatever this stuff is it’s hard to move, but I keep at it pushing hard and harder until I see a glimmer of light.

A little more effort and I burst free of the substance that was imprisoning me. What was that stuff anyway?

I look down at me feet to see that it was dirt, I was literally buried alive.

How did I survive that let alone manage to dig myself out with not room to work with?

This starting to get really disturbing.

“MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” The sound of maniacal laughter causes me to look up.

Is that a teal Unicorn?

I blink to confirm my suspicions before looking past the probably insane mare, or what I assume is a mare due to the very feminine voice.

Clustered together facing the insane unicorn are six ponies. Two normal looking ones that are pink and orange respectively, two pegasi that are blue and yellow, a white unicorn, and some kind of unicorn Pegasus hybrid.

Ok…this is the single strangest moment of my life, well aside from my dreams but dreams are supposed to be crazy.

“MWHAHAHAHA!” The insane unicorn mare laughs before pointing at me. “Now, my evil, undead minion, go and destroy these interlopers!”

WHAT!?

“I’m not destroying anyone!? The stomp my foot down in indignation and ignore the ‘undead’ comment, this is clearly one crazy unicorn. “Especially not for some crazy person I don’t even know!”

“What?!” the crazy unicorn bellows in disbelief. “Do you not seek to destroy these interlopers on sight? Does not they’re very appearance feel you with a burning hatred?”

I look at the collected group of ponies and feel nothing, the pink one even gives me a friendly wave. “No not really they haven’t done anything to hurt me.” I wave back to the pink one. “The pink one is really nice though.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense!” the unicorn exclaims “You’re supposed to be evil!”

“Evil? Why is it because I look different from you?” I cross my arms in disappointment. “I mean I know it’s a thing for living beings to be suspicious of things different from themselves, but to assume that I’m evil right off the bat? That’s just hurtful.”

“Oh my goodness,” the pink pony exclaims. “The evil necromancer is racist!”

“I am not!” The Unicorn mare looks visibly angry. “And I will not take that language from one of you hicks from ponyvile!”

“Hicks?” This time the orange pony talks, possessing a remarkably southern accent. “What do ya mean by hicks?!”

“Please everyone knows that ponyvile is the single most racist town in the entire country!” The unicorn waves her hooves wildly “You guys fly into mass panic the second a Zebra enters the town limits!”

“I don’t think stereotyping an entire town is helping your case.” I say flatly in response to the Unicorns rant. “And I’m still very hurt by you calling just assuming that I’d be evil. I mean we humans aren’t that bad when you get to know us.”

“Listen it wasn’t because of your species.” The Unicorn raises a hoof up in an attempt to placate me. “It’s because you’re an undead minion conjured up using my dark magic, those are usually evil you know.”

I cross my arms. “You’re joking right?”

“About what?” the mare asks. “About undead usually being evil or about you being undead?”

“The latter” I say flatly.

“Oh in that case I’m not.” She says “I mean have you even looked at yourself, your pretty clearly a member of the living dead.”

I look down to see that my feet and hands have been reduced to masses of rotting flesh and exposed bone just barely covered with grey skin…I’m really glad my clothes are mostly intact I don’t even want to know what the rest of my body looks like right now.

Ahahahahaha…I’m dead.

I’m dead.

Past my expiration date.

I’m dead.

Like the republican parties basic human decency.

I’m dead.

That’s Funny, I like political jokes.

I lay down and curl up into the fettle position.

I miss my cats.

Twilight Sparkles POV

This isn’t quite what I’d expected when I’d first set out with my friends to stop the evil Necromancer Grave Digger.

Well ok I had expected to face the undead as they are a staple of necromancer magic, and where one of the most common types of evil beings regardless but the idea of a non-evil undead was completely out of left field.

Thankfully it was just as much of a surprising to Grave Digger as was to you if the wide eyes and open mouth mean anything.

“So” Rainbow Dash asks from behind you. “Now that the undeads weeping on the floor do we try and capture the necromancer or what?”

“I surrender.” Grave Digger’s voice is flat and tired sounding “I just…I give up. I didn’t get anywhere near the number undead I was hoping and I really don’t think any of my backup plans will work in this situation.”

Well that was a lot easier then I’d thought it would be.

“Say.” Applejack asks as she walks over and ties up Grave Digger. “Now I know beating the necromancer is good feat and all, but what about the undead? I mean we can’t just leave him here, not like this.”

“The poor thing.” Fluttershy speaks up. “He must be so alone.”

I can’t disagree with that, humans have been extinct since long before modern ponykind evolved let alone managed to form civilizations.

“Meow” Before I can actually say anything a pair of undead cats, one orange and one grey walk over to the human and lay down next to him, causing him to reach out and pet them as he continued to have a minor panic attack on the floor.

“I didn’t actually try to bring either of those back.” Grave Digger comments as we look at the twin felines. “They must have been really close to the human when he died.”

“I think the orange one is evil.” Pinkie Pie comments as she glares at the orange cat, who hisses at her in response.

“Well the cats aside we still have to do something about the undead human.” I say as look the human over. “Killing him is clearly out of the question given that he’s not insane, but I don’t know where we’d put him, the Library’s clearly too public for him, and I’m not locking him in the basement.

“Well I have an extra barn we could use until we contact the Princess.” Applejack suggests “It’s out of the way so we won’t need ta worry about other ponies just wandering in and it’s certainly better than some musty old basement or similar.”

“Well” I look over the assembled group. “I guess it’s the best where going to get on such short notice. I’ll send a letter to the princess as soon as possible so we can someone better equipped to help out, until then we’ll have to watch over him to make sure he doesn’t freak out and hurt himself, any volunteers?”

“Ooooh me me.” Pinkie Pie bounces up and down “I’ve got tomorrow off pick me!”

“I’ll help with the first shift.” Rainbow Dash volunteers “I think Pinkie might be too much for the poor guy to handle by himself.”

Well I suppose Pinkies as good a person for the first watch as any, and Rainbow Dash should be able to keep her from scaring the poor guy half to death.

“Ok” I say “You two can take the first shift.”

“Yay!” Pinkie Pie cheers before bouncing around the room.

Why do I have the feeling that I’ve made a horrible mistake?

Author's Note

I have to say I didn't really expect to work up the ability to get back into the writing scene after I got tired of my first story a few years ago, but this idea just wouldn't stop pestering me so I've decided to give fanfic a second shot. I hope you guys like this first chapter.

The Barn

The Barn

Applejack's Spare Barn

‘Purrrrrrrrrrrr’

The first sound I here when I wake up is the sound of cat purring.

When I open my eyes I see my favorite calico cat Mace curl up on my chest. She looks pretty much how I remember if it weren’t for the faint glow in her eyes you wouldn’t even notice that she just as dead as I was.

“Hey their girl.” I say stroking her. “How are you holding up?”

Mace just continues purring, she’s such a good kitty.

A look around reveals that I’m resting in a bed of hay in someone barn, and a look at myself reveals that I wasn’t dreaming earlier.

Damn, that’s, just damn.

“Hey.” I sit up and turn to the direct of the voice to see the rainbow colored Pegasus from earlier approaching me “Are you ok big guy?”

“Uuuuh well I guess I’m as ok as a person can get after finding out they’re dead.” I say rubbing the back of my head “Thanks for taking care of me during my little breakdown I can’t imagine that would have been easy if what that Unicorn said about the undead is normally true.” As I talk my cat changes position so that she’s now sitting in my lap.

“Yeah well we thought it that you were kind enough that we could give you the benefit of the doubt.” The Rainbow maned Pegasus walks up to me and extends a hoof “I’m Rainbow Dash by the way it’s nice to meet ya.”

I shake her hoof in response. “It’s nice to meet you too Rainbow dash I’m John Greywood…Say what happened to the others?”

“They’re off taking care of other things.” Rainbow Dash shrugs “I had the day off of work alongside Pinkie Pie so the two of us decided to watch over you while you recovered from…well your complete breakdown. She’s just outside playing with your cat.”

Meanwhile Just outside the barn

“Stay back! Stay Back!” Pinkie Pie shouted at the angry orange cat staring at her from the bottom of the tree. “I have a stick and I know how to use it!”

The cat for its part was content to wait at the bottom of the tree and hiss at the pink pony whenever she tried to get down.

Back at the Barn

“Wow” I say “She must be really good with others if she can play with Rose and not get shredded like paper. That cats as ornery as they come.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Rainbow Dash waves off my concerns “Pinkie Pie’s so nice I don’t think anything could hate her for long.”

“Someone please help me!” I hear the pink pony’s voice from outside. “This cat is pure evil!”

I raise an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Because I can go out there and lend her a hand if she’s having trouble.”

“Eh” Rainbow Dash just shrugs “I’m pretty sure she’s just being herself. Pinkie Pies very easy to excite.”

“I am not just being crazy!” Pinkie Pies voice rings out in distress “Please get this little monster away from me!”

“Ok that tears it.” I say lightly taking Mace off of my lap. “I’ve got a cat to take care of.”

“Ok colt.” Rainbow Dash follows me outside “I still think your overreacting.”

Outside the Barn

When I exit the barn the first thing I see is Rose chasing Pinkie around in circles.

Oh Rose can you even one day without making somebody’s like difficult.

Well only one thing to do now.

I knell down. “Here kitty kitty kitty. Here kitty kitty kitty.”

Almost immediately Rose stops chasing the Pink Pony and walks slowly over to me.

“Meow” Rose starts rubbing her head against my leg.

Good kitty.

“Sorry about that.” I apologies to Pinkie. “Rose has always been a nasty cat. My names John Greywoods by the way, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh don’t worry its fine!”” The pink pony moves closer to me but stops when Rose hisses at her. “It’s nice to meet you too John my names Pinkie Pie!”

Technically Rainbow Dash already gave me her name, but I don’t feel the need to ruin her introduction by mentioning the fact.

“Say” Pinkie Pie circles around me “How do you keep that cat from trying to bite you anyway?”

“I don’t” I shrug “She just doesn’t do it to me as much as she does it to other people.”

“Oh” Pinkie Pie says as she walks up the side of the barn “Well mean cat aside it’s still nice to meet you!”

“Right.” I say as I watch her walk up the barn “So you have any pets that you get along with.”

“Yes!” Almost immediately Pinkie Pie right on the ground close to me. “I have a pet alligator named gummy! He doesn’t talk much be he’s really fun to hand around with if you to know him!”

Apparently pones are strong enough that they can have pet alligators without worrying about getting eaten, or they can communicate with the alligators well enough to keep it from happening, either way that’s good to know.

“I’ll take your word of that.” I let out a small laugh. “Thanks for watching over me while I was out of it by the way.”

“Well we couldn’t just leave you out there in the cold! Especially not when you were all sad like that!” Pinkie Pie replies as she puts her hoof on her chin in contemplation “Oh I almost forgot! I need to get a welcome to ponyvile party started for you! It’ll have” Unfortunately I stop listening at the word ‘party and repress a shudder. While I don’t mind being friendly large social gathering have always been stressful times for me.

“Well.” I turn to look at Rainbow Dash “She’s an excitable one isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” The rainbow maned Pegasus agrees “But she’s a great friend. In all honestly I’m surprised you’ve been unfazed by her for this long. I was sure you’d start questioning things as soon she started walking up the side of the barn. Did that sort of thing normally happen to you?”

“No not really.” I shake my head. “In all honestly I’m pretty sure I’m still burned out from my meltdown earlier. I mean don’t get me wrong she is strange but when you wake up as a member of the living dead in a world hat’s completely alien to you a pony that acts like a cartoon character isn’t that shocking.”

“Cartoon Character.” Rainbow Dash looks at me with a strange eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“You guys have some form of animation here right?” Rainbow Dash nods her head. “Well a cartoon character is basically an animated person, usually capable of treating reality like it was a polite suggestion instead of way things where.”

“Sounds weird” Rainbow Dash shrugs. “Anyway Twilight told me I should probably go get her when you wake up…you mind if leave you alone with Pinkie for a little bit.”

“Sure” I say as I watch the Miss Pie jump around in excitement. “She seems nice enough.”

“Ok then.” Rainbow Dash spreads her wings. “I’ll be back in a flash!”

And then she jets off at incredible speed leaving a trail a rainbow in her wake.

Well at least her names accurate I guess, I can only imagine how ironic it would be if she was named Slow Molasses or something like that.

Meeting Twilight Sparkle

Outside the Barn

I hang out with Pinkie while I’m waiting for Rainbow Dash to return. She’s a nice girl for sure, but it is a little hard to keep up with her at times, she just talks so fast I don’t have time to process what she is saying before she moves to something else.

Thankfully Rainbow Dash manages to get back before I get a migraine. I don’t know how to deal with migraines.

“Hey Rainbow Dash.” I greet the rainbow headed pegasus as she lands.

“”Hey John” She says back “Twilight Sparkle will be here shortly she just needs some time to prepare.”

“I’m fine with that.” I shrug “Nice speed by the way I could barley see you move when you took off.”

“Well I am one of the best fliers in Equestria.”

Real modest this one, but she doesn’t seem dishonest so I’m going to assume she can put her money where her mouth is.

“Cool” I say as Rose leaves my lap and lays down in the grass. “So what do you do when you aren’t flying around anyway?”

“Oh I just manage the weather around ponyvile.” She says as she sets herself down next to me. “It’s an easy enough job.”

“Wait, manage the weather?” I blink “As in you basically control the weather around here?”

“Yep.” Rainbow Dash says as if it’s the obvious thing in the world. “Didn’t they have a way to manage the weather in your time?”

“Are you kidding?” My voice in incredulous. “In my time managing the weather was a pipe dream at best.”

“Wait what?” Rainbow Dash looks genuinely confused now. “How do you keep rough storms from running rampant then?”

“We don’t.” I cross my arms. “When we had to deal with a storm the only options where to take cover or in the case of bigs one like hurricanes to get the hell out of doge before it hit.”

“Hurricanes? You guts had freaking Hurricanes? I thought those were a myth told to scare young fillies at weather training!” Rainbow Dash exclaims.

“Well they probably don’t happen today if you guys are controlling the weather.” I shrug “I mean those things can do a lot of damage, it’s not surprise you don’t let them happen on your watch.”

“Still.” She says looking me over “Your time must have been horrible if that’s the kind of weather you guys had to put up with.”

“I wouldn’t know myself.” I watch as Rose starts trying to catch bugs with her paws “I lived further in the content so the worst I had to deal with was the occasional tornado and a few nasty winters.”

Rainbow Dash doesn’t look convinced “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re people’s entire survival was based on random chance. How did your civilization deal with it?”

“Oh Rainbow Dash you’ve asked a question that I couldn’t possibly answer.” I chuckle “I guess we just tried to live our lives as best we could and hoped for the best. Life isn’t just going to stop because your worried about something beyond your control happening, you just have to prepare for the worst you can and get on with it.” Before I say anything more I notice a purple figure flying towards us.

“Say Twilight Sparkle had both wings and a horn right?” I ask taking sight of the winged unicorn from earlier. “I wasn’t able to get your names when we first met so I still don’t know who’s who beyond you and Pinkie Pie.”

“Yeah that should be Twilight Sparkle, why do you ask?”

I continue to look at the purple shape as it moves closer. “Because she should be arriving in three…two…one.”

Twilight Sparkle lands right in front of me stumbled a little as she sets down

Out of the corner of my eye I spot rainbow dash holding a four out of ten sign in her hooves.

I walk up to the purple winged unicorn. “You must be Twilight Sparkle, it’s nice to formally meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Twilight Sparkle extends her hoof. “Rainbow Dash said your name was John, is that right?”

“That’s correct.” I nod as I stretch my arms out. “So, if I may ask, what exactly are you guys going to do with me? I can't imagine you plan on having me stay in that barn for the rest of my unlife.”

“Well” Twilight begins “You probably aren’t a threat to life as we know it so the most likely outcome is that we’ll try to help you resettle in Equestria, I’ll have to wait until Celestia replies to my letter before I can make any promises though.”

“Seems reasonable enough,” I nod. “So you want me to do anything in the meantime? It’s not like I’m exactly wanting for spare time, and I’m going to go crazy if I do nothing for too long.”

“Well,” Twilight begins. “While we try to figure out what we can about human history, but as you can guess we don’t know much, do you mind if I ask a few questions.”

“Sure,” I say as I take notice Pinkie Pie drawing a silly face on Rainbow Dash, who is fast asleep. “What do you want to know?”

“Well looking at your attire you were born around when we assume humanity underwent a pair of world wars." She begins “Did those actually happen?”

“They did,” I nod. “I wasn’t around for them but the nation I’m from was a participant in both of the world wars, and we’ve put a lot of effort into recording those events, mind you we only came into the first one really late in the whole thing..”

Twilight furiously scribbles down some notes. “So why did these wars happen? Was their some sort of disaster that forced the participating nations to furiously seek out resources?”

“No,” I say. “From what we can tell it was mostly nationalism and an entangling system of alliances causing multiple nations to enter the war at once. I don’t think anyone realized just how the war was going to turn out when they first entered.”

“Entangling alliances?” Twilight Sparkle looks puzzled for a few moments. “Can you elaborate?”

“Well...” I begin “The whole thing began when a powerful nation named Austria-Hungry wanted to take vengeance on the smaller nation of Serbia for the death of a beloved archduke. Now Austria-Hungary was far more powerful then Serbia, but Serbia had an ally in the human nation of Russia. Russia -- unlike Serbia -- was more than strong enough to threaten Austria-Hungary, and potentially even invade the nation if provoked.”

“It sounds like some of the alliances larger nations have with some smaller ones here on Equis.” Twilight remarks “So why did Austria-Hungary decide to declare war in the end?”

“Well Austria-Hungry also had an ally.” I continue “Another relatively powerful nation known as Germany. Things got even more complicated when you account for Russias alliance with another nation known as France and one of Germany’s rivals and the eventual intervention of the British Empire when Germany invaded the neutral country of Belgium in order to bring down France before they could mobilize.”

“So it’s like dominoes tipping one another over,” Twilight concludes “One nation attacks another provoking a third nation to attack them due to an alliance, which then provokes a fourth nation to attack that nation in a savage circle.”

“Exactly,” I answer. “Needless to say things got ugly fast, and this was way back when around fifteen nations basically owned most of the world, so a lot of overseas colonies and territories got dragged into the fighting too.”

“This is all so fascinating.” Twilight says happily as she finishes her notes…and then her stomach rumbles. “Say do you mind if we pick up on this later, I haven’t eaten and my friends are going to get angry if I skip another meal to take notes.”

“Sure,” I say “I don’t know if I can eat anymore, but I certainly remember what it was like to be hungry, and I hated every minute of it.”

Eating Out

Eating Out

A restaurant inside Ponyvile.

“Are you sure it’s ok for me to be wandering around like this?” I ask as I sit down alongside Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkles. “The inhabitants seem a little skittish.”

“It should be fine.” Twilight reassures me. “They used to be really panicky about strange beings, but they’ve gotten much better about it.”

A quick glance at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie lets me catch a guilty look on their faces.

Naturally I don’t point it out. “Alright then, I’ll take your word for it.”

Soon after, the waiter comes by and drops off a set of menus. Hmmm most of this is pony stuff but I can see a few things that I could have eaten when I was alive.

Eh, oh well I don’t have any money on me anyway, I put the menu down and wait for the others to order.’

Pinkie Pie however seems to take immediate notice. “Ummm John, aren’t you planning on ordering something?”

“Sorry” I shake my head “I don’t have any money on me.”

“Oh” She looks down for a moment then perks up. “I could pay for it if you like!”

“I’ll pass on that Pinkie.” I say. “I mean, I don’t get hungry normally and I don’t even know if it’s possible to safely eat yet, I’ll just have to figure that out later.”

“Oh” Pinkie Pie deflates a little and looks down at her plate.

“Don’t look so down.” I try to cheer Pinkie Pie up. “I really appreciate the effort, and you’ve been a wonderful person to be around.”

That seems to lift her spirits a little, although she doesn’t seem quite as peppy as she was before. “Thanks.”

I nod silently before stretching out my arms. The tables here are so radically small that I can’t really site in the chairs for them comfortably, so I had to make do with sitting cross-legged on the ground.

“So" Twilight asks after she's finished ordering. “How are you liking Ponyvile?”

“It’s a nice place.” I say. “I’d prefer home by a long shot, but as far as strange places to get lost in go this isn’t too bad.”

Twilight Sparkle smiles “Thanks, we do try to keep it standing.”

“Keep it standing?” I raise an eyebrow. “Do you get a lot of problems around here?”

“Mostly whatever crawls out from out of the Everfree.” Twilight points out the window to the forest in question. “Manticores, Timber Wolves, mostly just smaller monsters but sometimes a bigger one like a Hydra shows up.”

“You deal with monster attacks often?” My eyes widen. “That’s terrifying!”

Rainbow Dash chuckles and I turn to her.

“What?” I ask “Did I say something funny?”

“Well yeah.” She puts one of her hooves on the table. “I mean you come from a place full of uncontrolled weather and monsters scare you…it’s just so absurd that it’s funny.”

“Well” I say “The weather isn’t that scary in the part I’m from unless flooding happens, you have to travel through a blizzard, or a tornado gets to close for comfort.”

“And monsters aren’t that scary after you learn how to properly get rid of them.” Rainbow Dash looks back at me. “You can't do nearly as much to stop while weather…Also you guys get wild tornado’s too?”

“Yeah.” I shrug “I mean it’s not like I live in Tornado Alley or anything but do we get one or two occasionally.”

“Oooh” Twilight pulls a notepad from what seems to be nowhere. “When you say tornado alley do you mean an actual place or a theoretical location?”

“Actual place.” I say. “It’s a term used to describe a region in my country of origin where tornado’s are a relatively common occurrence.”

Over the next few minutes I end up filling Twilight in on the mechanics behind non-magical tornados, apparently they aren’t really a thing on this world unless pegasi start one up.

To my surprise Rainbow Dash also looked pretty interested in the whole conversation. Apparently this was stuff she actually had to get into for her job managing the weather…who knew?

Anyway, soon after the waiter comes with the food and I sit to the side while the others eat, or at least while Twilight and Rainbow eat, Pinkie Pie finisher hers before anyone else, although she did stop to ask if I wanted a few of her carrots. I had to reassure her that I was fine and she finished up.

“So” I say making sure everyone was finished. “You guys feeling better and less hungry now then?”

The three ponies in front of me nod before Twilight seems to remember someone.

“Oh John.” She begins “I almost forgot to ask, humans are omnivores right?”

“Yep” I answer. “Meat, plants, we’re fine either way.”

“Well at least that matter is settled.” Twilight says writing down some more notes. “The human diet has actually been a matter of hot debate among Canterlot scholars.”

“Really?” I ask “What did you think we ate.”

“One of the more common opinions was actually that you evolved into carnivores at some point.” Twilight Sparkle replies. “The other main school of thought was that you were omnivores, and the thought that humans where herbivores has pretty much been a fringe position.”

“Well vegetarians are herbivores by choice.” I say “But other than that I’m not sure how much we ate meat naturally before settling down.”

“It’s ok” Twilight Sparkle gave me a warm smile. “Even the small amount of information you’ve given so far is wonderful for the purpose of study.”

“Glad I could help.” I say returning the smile.

Eventually our group pays and leaves to go back to the barn. Hopefully things aren’t getting out of hand over there.

Back at the Barn

“Umm Applejack.” Applebloom calls to her older sister in confusion. “There’s a zombie cat eating a dead Cockatrace over by the spare barn.”

Meeting Applejack

Meeting Applejack

Applejack's spare barn

When we get back to the barn the first thing we see is Rose eating some chicken snake thing.

“Leave it to Rose to kill something before a single day has passed.” I deadpan before I notice that my three companions are silently staring in shock at the sight. “Uuuuu girls is something wrong?”

“John.” Rainbow Dash rubbed her eyes as if she didn’t believe what she was seeing. “How did your cat do that?”

“I's say that it’s because the cat's evil.” Pinkie Pie recovers from the shock first. “In fact she may be the most evil being we’ve ever encountered.”

“Twilight” I turn to the purple pony and raise an eyebrow. “Do you mind explaining, because I’m a little lost?”

“Your cat just killed a Cockatrice.” Twilight Sparkle said clearly in shock. “A monster capable of turning something into stone with a glance…that’s insane.”

I shrug. “Eh Rose was always a mean cat, although I’ll admit that mythical creatures are new, the meanest thing she’d ever killed before this was a weasel.”

Twilight Sparkle just continues to stare at the dead Cockatrice. “I’m starting to think Pinkie Pie might be right about your cat being evil.”

Before I can say anything in response the orange pony of the group comes running up to me with a yellow pony in tow.

“Twilight!” She calls in in surprise “We lost the undead human and one of his cats just killed a...oh seems ya already found him.”

“Heh” Twilight chuckled nervously. “Sorry Applejack we probably should have told you before we ran off to go get lunch.”

“It would definitely have helped things.” Applejack said glancing at the orange zombie cat as it devoured its prey. “So I take it our undead fellows the friendly sort then?”

“Yep!” Pinkie Pie pats me on the back with her hoof. “John here’s about as nice as the living dead can get!”

“Well if Pinkie's vouching for ya I’ll have to have her word for it.” Applejack turns to me “It’s nice to meet ya John, I’m Applejack and this is me lil sister Applebloom.”

“It’s nice to meet you both.” I smile “Sorry about the dead Cockatrice, I didn’t think Rose would get back to killing things quite so soon.”

“So soon?” Applejack looked confused “You mean that’s normal for your cats?”

“It is.” I rub the back of my head “That isn’t a problem is it?”

“Not really” Applejack glances back at Rose “As long as it only kills small varmints and stays away from Fluttershy’s cabin it should be fine.”

“Well” I say “I haven’t seen her killing anything too big so it shouldn’t be too much a problem so long as the spare barn's a good distance from the cabin.”

“It should be.” Twilight mentions as she uses her TK to take out some notes “Fluttershy’s cabin is on the other side of town, so it’s not like it be easy for a cat to get over there.”

“Well then I guess everything’s good then.” Applejack smiles. “Ah think I’m going to keep my distance from that cat of yers all the same though.”

“I wouldn’t blame you in the least.” I smile “One of her favorite things to do when we were alive was follow people around the yard and bite them until they’d stay still and pet her.”

“Mister John.” Applebloom looks up at me. “How did ancient humans meet cats anyway?”

“I’m not sure of that myself.” I say rubbing my chin. “But if I remember right they basically moved in during ancient times and started killing pests like rats and mice before they could decimate our food supply so we never really tried to kick them out.”

“It does make some logical sense.” Twilight says as she writes down some more notes. “You’ve mentioned that humans don’t control the weather so it’s not like you’d be able to call off a winter if you start to run out. The ability to keep pests from ruining your food was probably a very good thing to have.

I open my mouth to agree before I hear panting and turn to the source.

Oh my goodness it’s a tiny dog! She's just like a puppy! So adorable! My teeth are going to rot and fall out just from looking at her!

The dog runs up to me wagging her tail happily as she sets herself down right in from of me.

“She OK to pet?” I ask Applejack who gives a positive nod in response.

I immediately lean down and pet the dog on her head.

“Who’s a good girl?” I coo happily “Who’s a good girl? You are! Yes you are!”

In response, the dog rolls over and looks at me expectantly.

"D'awww.” I fail to resist her cuteness and start rubbing her belly. “You’re a sweetie pie aren’t you? How could anyone ever resist such an adorable little thing?”

“Wow.” Apple Bloom comments “Humans seem ta really like dogs don’t they?”

“Of course we do.” I say happily, still petting the concentration of adorableness in front of me. “We didn’t declare dogs "man’s best friend" back in the day for nothing after all.”

I here Twilight scribble on her note pad in the background.

“So John” I here he ask behind me. “How did humans meet up with dogs?”

“We don’t have much idea ourselves, actually.” I say as I stand up and turn towards Apple Bloom, allowing the puppy to roll over onto her feet. “Heck, I’m pretty sure dogs were around before humanity even had recorded history. One of the theories I read is that at some point in our early history some wolves moved in with some human tribes and those wolves eventually became dogs as we know them today.”

“So what were human dogs like?” Apple Bloom says as she sits down next to me. “Were they like the ones we have here, or were they really weird looking?”

“Well...” I begin. “The really small ones were more or less close to a cat in size, but the bigger ones could get about this big.” I say moving my hand to my waistline.

“Wow.” Applebloom says as she looks at my hands. “Those must have been some big dogs.”

“Well they are related to wolves.” I comment “So there is precedent for them to be that big.”

“Wolves are extinct on Equestria.” Twilight comments as she looks up from her notes. “Aside from the Diamond Dogs and other magical beasts, the dogs you described would be some of the largest canines on record.”

“I’ll say.” Rainbow Dash hovers at the same height I’m holding my hand. “I know ponies that are smaller than these dogs… I bet Fluttershy would be all over this if she found out.”

“Sounds like going to a dog kennel in your time would have been like taking a trip to Jurassic Bark.” Pinkie Pie says happily.

“Pinkie Pie.” I say smiling slightly. “That was a bad pun, a very bad pun.”

Pinkie Pie just gives me the widest smile in response.

“Wait?” Twilight Sparkle raises an eyebrow at me. “You actually got that?”

“Yep” I say flatly “She’s referencing a rather well know element of my culture.”

Twilight Sparkle just looks at me with a confused expression. “And you aren’t at all curious why a magical pony from the future is making references to your culture? “

“Oh right, you weren’t here for my little speech earlier.” I say stretching my arms out. “Well let’s just say I’ve pretty much just stopped caring about weird behavior. If Pinkie Pie wants to make puns based off of my now ancient culture I don’t see any reason to complain. You could say I’m a glutton for punishment like that.”

Pinkie Pie elbows me before smirking. “Now who’s making bad puns mister human?”

“I am.” I smile “And I’m completely unrepentant over it too.”

“More like, unrepuntant.” Pinkie Pie laughs before winking at me.

“Oh my.” I fake a horrified look. “That was just a punch to the gut.”

Several Bad Puns later

“Please.” Rainbow Dash holds one of her hooves up to her face “Please stop with the puns! I can’t take any more of it.”

I shrug. “Ok.”

“Awww.” Pinkie actually looks a little disappointed “And I was having such fun too.”

“Don’t worry Pinkie.” I chuckle “I have a feeling you’ll find something else fun to do."

“I know.” Pinkie says giving me a smile “Say, did you have parties in your time?”

“Yes.” I nod my head in the affirmative. “But I’ve always been of the…shy persuasion myself so I tended to avoid social gatherings.”

“Ah.” Rainbow Dash says hovering next to me. “We have a friend like that.”

“Yeah.” Pinkie Pie smiles “I guess that makes you kind of like a zombie Fluttershy!”

I rub the back of my head “Well I don’t know who Fluttershy is so I’ll just take your word for it.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt your conversation John.” Twilight Sparkle steps forward. “But would you mind if I run some quick tests on you? I just want to make sure the magic keeping you alive won’t spontaneously fail or have some other unforeseen side-effects.”

I gulp “Yeah that sounds like a good idea."

The rest of the day is spent on a variety of tests that I don’t quite understand, mostly because the majority of them involve some really esoteric magical physics, I can barely understand a lot of elements of normal physics so almost all of it went over my head.

Apparently it’s complicated for ponies too, so I’m not going to be getting any real concrete results for a good while.

Still, the tests burn much of the day and by the time they are all done it’s time for everyone to head home and go to sleep.

I don’t need to sleep, but one of the things we discovered from the tests was that I could sleep anyway if I wished.

Needless to say I took advantage of that fact.

Author's Note

I would just like to give a special thanks to my proofread, goodness knows I'm bad at trying to make corrections myself.