I awoke to an owl hooting at me.

"Who?" It asked.

"Bleugh..." I complained, before covering my face with a pillow as it pulled the blinds open, waking Night Breeze and Moon Sight with the sun's glare.

"Who?" It demanded.

"Go away!" I snapped grumpily.

"Who?" It persisted.

I roughly pointed a hoof between the sleepy Bat ponies.

"Me, Novel Thought. She's Night Breeze, and she's Moon Sight. Stallion over there is Lantern Light." I grumbled, shifting in my oversized sleeping bag.

"Who?" It continued.

"I just told you!" I complained.

"Who?" It mercilessly drove on.

"Bat ponies!" I yelled, hiding my head underneath the pillow to drown out the ever continuing questions.

"Who?" It challenged

"Night Guard!"

"Who?" I swear it taunted me.

"Make it stop!" I screamed into my pillow, getting upset at the bird.

There was a pause of silence for a few moments, before I lifted my head from the pillow to stare at the Owl. Its eyes narrowed at me.

"Who?"

"That's it!" I declared, throwing my pillow at the bird before it flew out of the way, sending my pillow through the open window and a few stories down onto the road below.

"Aaauugh!" I yelled, getting to my hooves and attempting to run from the interrogating feathered menace.

"Hey!" I heard Spike complain, but I was too concerned with escaping the horrific

'Who?' of the owl. I had run down the stairs past him, nearly knocking over the stack of books he was carrying but thanks to my dainty filly-self, I was able to slip past.

Wait. Why does it feel strange to call myself a filly?

I stopped in my tracks down the stairs, confusion overwhelming me. I reviewed my memories and how I got to where I am now.

Canterlot, New mission, getting everypony ready, going to the Everfree, spotting the camp, reporting back, having tea with Twilight, then going to bed.
Why does something feel like its missing?

"Hey Novvie, How’s it hangin'?" I heard Night Breeze ask, patting my back as she walked down the steps past me, followed by Moon Sight and a very groggy Lantern Light.

"Hey Boss." Moon Sight said in passing.

"Hey Novel, do you think they serve breakfast this early?" He asked, rubbing his eyes with the ankle above his hoof.

"I don't think that Ms. Sparkle runs a bed and breakfast, Lantern." I replied, shaking the befuddlement of earlier from my head before following him down the steps.
"Did anypony see who threw a pillow?" A pillow wearing Twilight Sparkle asked, lifting said fluffy head resting device from her head with magic, resting it on a chair nearby.

"Oops." I said, offering an apology.

"Why did you throw a pillow out of the window?" She asked, her head turned sideways and an eye squinting in confusion.

"Who?" I heard the owl ask, fluttering down to land on the backrest of the chair with the pillow.

"You!" I blurted, pointing my tiny hoof at the flying fiend.

"Who?" it responded, faking innocence on its devious bird face.

"You've met Owlowicious I see." she smiled, looking at the bird and then at me.

"It woke me up and interrogated me!"

"Interrogated you? He's an owl. A very smart owl, but still a bird." Twilight said skeptically.

"That bird is evil!" I heard Spike declare from the top of the steps before retreating back to whatever it was that Library assistant baby dragons do.

"Uhg, not this again." Twilight said, facehoofing.

"Alright, let’s just take you over to Sugarcube Corner for some breakfast, okay?" She offered.

"Sounds good to me!" Night Breeze said for all of us, as the three of them put on their Night Guard armor and I stared at Owlowicious, who returned the look with a glare of suspicion at me.

***

We walked through the door to Sugarcube Corner with a tinkling bell to announce our presence, before my face was assaulted with confetti.

"Surprise!" I heard a happy mare's voice call out, flinging more confetti from her hooves as she hopped over the table and picked me up in a squishing hug.

"What's...going..." I managed to say while being crushed in the very strong and very pink earth pony's grasp. My face was scrunched up against her chest as she hugged my entire body at once.

I'm fairly certain that my hind legs aren't supposed to bend that way.

She released me, and I fell to the floor in a heap. I was catching my breath after the life had been hugged out of me while the energetic mare continued.

"I just love meeting new ponies and I saw you all flying into Ponyville last night and I knew you'd be hungry so I decided to make a big cake and wait here to celebrate when you came looking for food because everypony comes to Sugarcube Corner for food in the morning because--" She was interrupted by Twilight, who had said her name a few times before finally shouting.

"Pinkie Pie!"

"Yeah?" Pinkie responded.

"They get it." She huffed, before helping me off of the floor.

"Oh, that’s super! Let me go get your 'Welcome-to-Ponyville' cake!" she said, before zipping out of existence from moving so quickly that a cloud shaped version of herself had lingered for a second, before being replaced by Pinkie Pie balancing a large cake on a single hoof.

"Here you go!" She cheered, setting the cake on my head which I managed to balance with difficulty before Twilight lifted it from my head and set it on a nearby table.

"Thanks, Pinkie." Twilight said, used to the antics of her apparent friend.

Pinkie Pie then zipped off someplace else, and we collectively sat down to enjoy the quadruple decked strawberry vanilla shortcake with chocolate frosting and several cherries on top.

"So Novvie, How's being a mare treating you?" She asked, taking a bite out of her slice without a fork.

"What do you mean?" I asked, poking at my cake with some suspicion.

"Novvie, you became a mare yesterday. You're telling me nothin's changed?" Lantern Light questioned.

"Wait, what?" I said abruptly, my fork falling from my hoof onto the plate.

"Yeah, we were in the Everfree, you ran into a blue plant and now you're a mare. You don't remember?" Moon Sight asked, as they all stared at me in concern.

"Um... Haven't I always been a mare?" I asked, completely confused and feeling like they were pulling a prank on me.

"Oh no... The Poison Joke must be affecting your memory. I was only affected with it for a couple of hours, but you've spent almost a day's time with it." Twilight said, eyebrows furrowing in concentration.

"No really. You're messing with me, right?" I said, looking between them in concern.

"There was a report of a Royal Guard encountering Poison Joke, but it took them nearly a month for them to transform into a mare. From what you've said, it was only an hour at most. Your body must be really sensitive to changes and magic in general for it to have progressed so quickly." Twilight continued, eyes flickering in thought as she mentally jumped from subject to subject in her head.

"You're definitely messing with me." I stated, convinced that this was a prank.

Night Breeze, Lantern Light and Moon Sight looked with worry between them, as Twilight was off in thought.

"We're not messin' with you, Novel. You got turned into a mare yesterday." Lantern Light said seriously.

I looked down at my cake, processing what they had said.

How could I have been a stallion? I had a Stallion back home, and that’s what everypony is supposed to do. Mares find a Stallion, Stallions find a mare. Why would I have a Stallion if I was a Stallion as well? That’s not how things work!

"No, you're got to be messing with me. Why would I have a stallion in my house if i was a stallion as well?" I questioned, getting defensive.

"Because you're gay, Novel!" Lantern blurted.

"But I don’t like mares! How can I be gay?" I asked, confused.

"You used to be a Stallion, Novel. You liked Stallions too." Moon Sight said, calmer than Lantern Light.

"No I didn't! I've always been a mare!" I protested.

"Wait! I know what’s going on. The Poison Joke is altering your memories to make you believe that you've always been a mare, because the joke is supposed to be that since you were so effeminate before, that you might as well be a mare." Night Breeze stated, showing pride in her deduction.

"That's probably what's going on. I just don't know if this will be permanent unless we get you the cure in time." Twilight said, coming out of her thought process.

"I don't want to be a Stallion! I've always been a mare, and I like how I am now!" I protested, getting out of my seat and moving backwards from the group.

"Hey there, Grumpy face!" I heard a yell behind me, to wheel around and come muzzle to muzzle with Pinkie Pie.

"What's all the shouting for, is somepony playing a game?" She asked.

"They're trying to tell me that I was a Stallion yesterday, and that I only recently became a mare!" I complained.

She grabbed my face with her hooves and pulled on my cheeks in circles before letting them go with a flop.

"You look like a mare to me, lady!" She declared, before leaving the shop with several boxes of cupcakes, some confetti, flags and a banner.

An exasperated sigh was heard behind me, as Twilight rested her head on the table.
"I'll figure out a way to fix this, just go do what you have to do for the day and come back tonight. I don't want you all getting in trouble." She said, taking part of the cake
with her on a plate as she left Sugarcube Corner.

"Well. Guess we'll deal with it later." Lantern Light huffed, as the group left their seats and I followed behind them to report back to the Captain in Ponyville.

***

"The report states that you've seen the Diamond Dogs armed with heavy armor, large weapons and a leader in red. We don't have the numbers for an assault garrisoned in Ponyville, but we could get them. The standard procedure is to talk with them first, and see what they want. Since they've been attacking Ponies out in the forests and on the roads nearby, I'm not going to send somepony to get killed trying to talk with the brutes. You four need to keep an eye on that camp while we send a message to Canterlot for reinforcements." The captain explained, as we sat in the Mayor's office.

"You're certain that these Diamond Dogs won't attack Ponyville in the meantime, Captain?" The Mayor asked.

"There are too many ponies here, along with the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. They won't move on the town." He reassured her.

"What, are they gonna zap the great evil of the Diamond Dogs away with a rainbow?" Lantern snorted, his forehooves crossed against his chest while sitting in a chair.

"I'm not sure how they work, but I know Twilight took care of an Ursa Minor single hoofed. I’m sure she and her friends can handle a few Diamond Dogs." The captain said.

"If I remember correctly, I think it was Rarity that outsmarted her Diamond Dog captors simply by whining. They can't be -that- much of a threat." The mayor added.

"They can be, if they're desperate." I explained. "They used to have large warbands that would attack outlying villages for resources, or for the ponies themselves. I don't know how much they've changed in a thousand years, but they're smart, crafty and vicious." I said, receiving a few amused looks from the Captain and Mayor before they burst out laughing.

"Oh! Oh my, I'm sorry." The mayor said, wiping away some moisture from her eyes.

"Diamond Dogs are idiots. They speak only in the most basic of sentences and can’t figure out their paw from their food. The fact that they've managed to make a bandit camp is nothing short of genius for their lot." The captain chuckled, before becoming serious again.

"The fact is, we're taking this as a threat because they've attacked ponies and they're armed. Normally a Diamond Dog will run in a pack of two to five others, and do whatever it is that Diamond Dogs do." he said.

"So, to the mission. You want us to keep scouting and report movement?" I asked.

"Yep. We need at least one of you to report back every hour so we can stay up to date. We need to know where to send the guard for when things get dicey." The captain answered.

"Yes, Captain. We can do that." I replied with a Batpony salute, joined by my squad. The captain gave us a confused look before returning with the Royal Guard salute of hoof leveled with eyebrow.

***

"Hey, think if I run into some Poison Joke, I can get a dick -and- a vagina?" Moon Sight asked Night Breeze, nudging her with an elbow as we perched in a tree near the camp.

"I think it would probably just make sure you didn't have -any- genitals at that point, Moonie." She replied, giving Moon a smile when she pouted in fake disappointment.

"Is this all you two talk about?" Lantern Light asked, looking at the two of them.

"Hey, if you hung out with us more than you'd know us even better!" Night whispered back.

"I'm not sure I -want- to know what you two do in bed." Lantern replied, turning his head back to the camp.

The Diamond Dogs had done some upgrading. There was now a deep trench filled with sharpened spikes all around the wall of their camp, and they were working on a tower for the gate. The Butcher's Corner had something new to work with; A manticore by the looks of it. The large chitinous stinger was being peeled apart, and the segments were being attached to helmets in an attempt to strengthen them.

"They don't seem dumb." Moon Sight observed.

"Maybe they have a smart leader?" I offered.

"How do you think they spotted you last night, Novvie?" Night asked.

"I don't know. I was staying close to the treeline, and their leader was barking out orders. All of a sudden he just looked at me and yelled for some...doggy? What would a Diamond Dog say for a plural to refer to their species?" I asked, getting off track.

"I'm pretty sure that somedoggy seems racist." A mare's voice suddenly said, revealing Pinkie Pie in green and black face paint with a strange netted helmet on her head, hanging upside down from a branch above us.

"Aaa-mmf!" I yelped in surprise, before she placed a hoof in my mouth to silence me.

"Shh!" She hissed, dropping down onto the same branch we were all on.

"We gotta be quiet if we're throwing them a surprise party!" She whispered.

"Pinkie, we’re not throwing them a party. We're watching them." I explained.

"Oooh! Like spy ponies!" She cheered in a hush, taking out a device of two cylinders joined together with glass circles at the ends.

"What is that?" Night asked, pointing at the thing.

"Binoculars, silly!" She stated, before looking through them at the camp. I moved my head to stare at the ends of the binoculars to see her eyes being magnified by the contraption.

"Creepy." I said to myself, leaning back.

"What's creepy?" I heard a voice bark from below us.

Author's Note

My second chapter in the same day, hopefully makes up for the shorter chapters overall. Good to be back and writing again. I might post another chapter or two, but the writing ive done in the past 3 hours has me burnt from writing over 5k words. Thank you for reading!