And How Would It Be With Our Souls?

by QS

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Romance, Drama, Rarity, Fluttershy, Sweetie Belle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 23884

Fluttershy contemplates her unrequited love for Rarity in her old age, and thinks about all the things that resulted in the two of them being apart. Complete.

Confined to a hospice bed, Fluttershy has very little to do except remember. Prompted by a poster from more than fifty years ago, she begins reminiscing about Rarity, and the circumstances that led to her romantic feelings for the unicorn being never reciprocated the way she would have wanted them to be. Her remembrances slowly lead her to confrontation with a question that has lingered in her head since Rarity died--what becomes of a pony after death?

Inspired by the song “She Was the World to Me”, by Daniel Romano. Chapter titles are from the lyrics.

Editing and pre-publication assistance by Merrick, Midnight Blaze, ZaRaapini, and Norm De Plume.

Cover art by Magello.

Published 2016-04-06 00:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-12 02:33:59 UTC

Will Linger Forevermore

The door opens.

“Another visitor for you, Ms. Fluttershy.”

I listen for a second to see if I can tell who it is just by her gait. All I can tell is that she’s sure-footed, maybe a little worried about something.

After a moment, I give up and open my eyes.

“Hi, Fluttershy.”

Twilight looks like the way she almost always did. Or at least, I think so. Slightly furrowed brows, lines at the corners of her eyes. I’m… rather sure she almost always looked like this.

On a second thought, her mane is different. I couldn’t really tell from a first glance, but yes, she isn’t wearing it straight. The top part looks a little wavy, and the bottom is coiled into tight curls.

“Hi, Twilight.”

“So, how are you feeling?”

She is asking me this because the last time she dropped by, I wasn’t feeling all that well. I’d thought I did my bestest job to make peace with the fact I wouldn’t be walking out of this hospice, that my time would soon arrive. I don’t know what exactly it was that made me feel the way I did--maybe it was the way the light from the window cast itself across Applejack’s frame as she stood up to greet Twilight, all harsh lines and shadows of age but still firm and strong; maybe it was how Tank woke and made his way across the sheets to nuzzle Rainbow Dash like he’d almost always done in the last sixty years to wake her up; maybe it was how Twilight’s mane seemed to shimmer in the wind, how the flower in her hair and the flowers in the vase she brought with her smelled so strongly of spring.

Whatever it was, I couldn’t bear talking to them anymore. I couldn’t even bear to keep my eyes open.

Applejack excused herself afterwards. I wish she was here again, so I could apologize to her.

“A little better.” I tell Twilight.

And I am. I’ve flown to the top of the highest mountain in Equestria to rescue stranded climbers. I’ve gone deep into the badlands to help struggling diamond dog clans get back on their feet. I studied and passed the exam to be a veterinarian and saved lots of animals, and quite a number of ponies, too. For the ones I could not save, I made their final moments as peaceful and painless as possible.

I’ve lived a good life. Maybe not without regrets, but yes, it’s been a wonderful time.

Twilight smiles. “I’m glad to hear that. Has… did Applejack come back?”

“No…” I look down.

At the foot of the bed, Rainbow Dash begins to stir. Tank is still asleep. They’ve been here since two days after I arrived. I’m convinced neither of them would leave until it was all over, and I’m thankful for that.

“Wha… Twilight, is that you?” She mumbled.

“Wakey wakey, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight intoned playfully.

“Man, am I glad to see you!” Rainbow lifted her head. “How is everything?”

“Oh, just the usual. Trying to get the Ministry of Transportation’s internal review on track, sorting through all the petitions to the throne…”

My eyes settle again on Twilight’s mane. She begins moving animatedly, sharing a laugh with Rainbow Dash over their lengthy experiences with red tape in the military and the government. All I can really think of was how there was only one pony I’ve known who could have dressed Twilight’s mane so neatly. Rarity.

Dear Celestia, how I miss her.

“Is something the matter?” Twilight looks up at me.

“Oh, no. Just… remembering something.” I give her a smile.

“Oh! That reminds me. You wouldn’t believe what I found on sale the other day. Here, take a look!”

She lifts a long paper tube out of her saddlebag, and unrolls it in my lap.

I examine the poster. “Oh… oh my.”

Rainbow Dash scoots closer to get a better look. A much younger version of myself looks back at her through half-lidded eyes. In the picture, I am wearing a glittering white gown, and my mane is dressed in elaborate knots above my head.

I’d say it was all Rarity’s idea, but it was actually mostly me. She just gave me the push I needed. After all, veterinary schools are pretty expensive, and I’d had some prior experiences in modeling. Getting back into modeling made sense from a financial standpoint, and when I got more comfortable with the work, I even started having a bit of fun despite myself.

Still, as I’ve realized long ago, the spotlight was not for me. Thankfully, no one bothered me about it much after I became a veterinarian--once in a blue moon, someone would ask for an autograph, and I was always happy to oblige. But it was all so long ago.

“Ooo…” Rainbow Dash is ogling . I suppose it could have been long enough that some of my old posters would be collectors’ items now.

“You wouldn’t believe the bargain I got this at.” Twilight grins. “The comics store was clearing out their inventory and had this on sale for just thirty bits! I’m pretty sure it’s worth at least double that, seeing how this was a limited printing. I thought it would bring back some good memories.”

“Hey, what’s this?” Rainbow Dash nudged at the poster’s corner, lifting it with her wing. “Wow, it’s even autographed. Remember signing this one, Fluttershy?”

“I… I’m not sure.”

“If I recall, this was from one of the early collections Rarity made with Golden Fleece, so I’m guessing it was just a year or so after Fluttershy started modeling again. Unless I’m remembering it wrong, of course.” Twilight quips.

She is remembering correctly. Rarity had met Golden Fleece around the time when I enrolled in veterinary school. They both found each other a like-minded creative spirit, and soon began drafting cooperative projects together. When the time came to exhibit their work, Rarity recommended me to Golden Fleece, and I ended up posing for posters like the one in my lap.

I was happy to help them, of course. Despite my lingering stage fright, I’d gladly help Rarity bring her visions to life. Seeing her happy at the fruition of her work always made me smile.

Maybe it was because I’ve been nursing a crush on her since I was 21.

I can’t say for sure how exactly it started. Maybe it was that first week I moved to Ponyville, when absolutely everything seemed to be in short supply and I didn’t know where I could get anything. Rarity brought tools and furniture, helped me unpack what little I had; she showed me where everything was in town, and put in a whole day’s effort to make my new house feel like home. I didn’t know how I would thank her.

She told me it was no big deal. But it was a big deal, even if she didn’t want to make it one. I felt compelled to look for some way to repay her kindness, since she helped me out so much.

My chance came quickly. One day, Rarity decided to eat out and invited me to join her. We went to an upscale Prench restaurant by the side of the river. When the bill came, I tried to pay for it myself, but Rarity would have none of it. We went back and forth for a little while, and I tried my best to be insistent.

“My dear, we’re bickering like lovers! There’s really no need for this, Fluttershy.”

“No, it’s the least I can do…”

Maybe it’s a bit of wishful thinking, but looking back now, Rarity’s words seem prescient.

Despite my efforts, we ended up splitting the bill. Since she’d had a bit to drink, I offered to take Rarity home, and she accepted. The moon was full that night, so it wasn’t too dark to see.

We passed the movie theater on our way back. Two stallions walked out of the doors just before we got there. They talked for a moment, then turned and headed toward us. I noticed Rarity ogling them as they passed us by.

After we’d walked for another block, Rarity turned towards me and said,

“Did you see the one on the left? Such graceful legs…”

“Mm… yes.” I nodded back.

Rarity leaned in, eyes half-lidded. “I prefer them a little on the slender side. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of bulk. Like the one on the right--simply magnificent shoulders and haunches. Come to think of it, I think I have something lying around the shop in his size…”

“Mhm.”

“What do you prefer, Fluttershy?” Rarity continued. “Perhaps you’re the type who wants a big, strong stallion to hold you close. Oh yes… snuggle up tight with you at night and keep you warm…”

I couldn’t tell her then that I only had eyes for mares, but otherwise, she was right. Being by myself is calming, and I like the quiet, but sometimes it just gets very lonely.

She’d gotten closer and closer to me as she spoke. We were rubbing shoulders and her muzzle was really close to mine. I could make out the littlest details on her face right then. What I thought was lip gloss was actually a very light-colored lipstick, tastefully contrasting with her pristine white coat. She’d used two shades of eyeshadow, one slightly more blue and one slightly more pink than the other, overlapping and fading into each other precisely. Her eyelashes were fake, but they matched her mane and brow so closely that no one could have told from a distance; I only noticed this because the particles that made them twinkle faintly in the light were not from any mascara, but were embedded in the hairs themselves.

Her breath was really hot on my nose. I blushed, hoping against hope that she would not notice.

“Is something the matter, Fluttershy?” Twilight jolts me out of my reverie.

“Hmm?”

“You kinda spaced out there a little, Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash smiles at me. “Remembering the good times, huh?”

“... Yes.”

“Hey, ‘your majesty’, still remember that time before we put the Elements of Harmony back in the tree, when you went around for a whole day looking for a ‘friendship problem’ to report on but couldn’t find one, so you made one, but it got so out of control Princess Celestia had to show up just to take care of the mess?”

Twilight smiles bashfully. “Oh Rainbow, please…”

I can’t quite remember what they were referring to, but I suppose there is no urgent need to do so. So much has happened since the day we broke the curse on Princess Luna. I’d already known Rarity for four years at that point.

It’s interesting, what we can remember and what we can’t. I can still remember how Rarity looked the first time we met. Her mane and tail were curled, as they almost always were, though she looked a little more frazzled than her usual. Strands of her mane had fallen out of alignment, making little curls of their own on the side. She didn’t have any makeup on then. It may seem out of character for her to do that, but there certainly were days when she didn’t put anything on, especially earlier on. Of course, those days got fewer and fewer as more lines appeared on her face--until she came back to Ponyville after she separated with Golden Fleece. She never wore makeup again after that.

Of course, on that day in particular, I had no ideas of her daily habits just yet, so I thought it was normal for her. She apologized for being a little less than presentable, and said something about having had to take her sister to the hospital. I thought she looked perfectly fine, and told her this.

I’ve never truly believed in the concept of love at first sight, but I do admit first impressions have a potential for lasting a lifetime. Rarity made a very memorable impression on me; she was one of the most beautiful ponies I had ever met. The effect was strong enough that I’ve always felt Rarity’s efforts to look absolutely perfect were a little redundant.

I also remember the first time we went on a picnic. On the side of town opposite Applejack’s farm, there’s a stand of cherries that’s been there for as long as I can remember. According to Applejack, years before I moved to town somepony had tried to start a cherry orchard there, and even had all the cherry trees transplanted from somewhere in northern Equestria. But the farm apparently couldn’t make enough money to keep running, so it got abandoned a few years later. No one else tried to get the farm running again or grow something else there, but the land the orchard was on had great views, so soon everyone started using it as a park. It’s beautiful when the flowers are in bloom. Rarity had decided to make the most of it that year, and invited me to join her. It had just started getting warmer again, though the wind was still a bit chilly.

“The Neighponese absolutely adore this time of year.” Rarity told me as we set our mat and baskets on the highest hill in the orchard. “I suppose you could consider it their festival to welcome spring. It’s certainly a good occasion to relax and clear the mind. Don’t you think so too, Fluttershy dear?”

“Mhm.” I nodded in agreement.

“I hear in some places they would bring these exquisitely decorated wooden lunch boxes with them for picnic. I’ve seen some pictures, too, and they look so well-made. But I heard these lunch boxes are meant to be single use only and are simply thrown away afterwards… quite a waste, don’t you think?”

“If you say so…”

“Oh, forgive me, I must be prattling on like a bored housewife! What do you think, darling?”

“Hmm… well, I mean, if you think about it, it kind of makes sense.”

“How so, dear?” Rarity asked.

I pause for a moment to get my thoughts together.

“Well… cherry blossoms are beautiful, but they don’t last forever. A little gust of wind and the petals all fall to the ground. I guess, what I’m trying to say is, beautiful things don’t always last forever. Or… that’s what I think, at least.” I trailed off, not yet sure how receptive Rarity will be of my ideas.

Rarity seemed deep in thought. “Yes… I suppose beauty is often an ephemeral thing. And I suppose if the lunchboxes weren’t built to be used again, there would be no point to keeping them after they’ve served their purpose. I would of course want to keep them, but that moment among the cherry trees where I could enjoy it as it was meant to be enjoyed was a unique experience, never to be replicated. Next spring, there would be new cherry blossoms, new lunchboxes, and new memories. Am I interpreting your thoughts correctly, dear?”

“Mhm.” I nodded.

“I would still want to keep them, though, as a memento of the good times.”

A gentle breeze rustled through the grove, sending a shower of petals down onto our mat. I noticed Rarity staring at me.

“Um…” I could feel myself beginning to blush.

“Oh! Excuse me, dear. A petal landed on your nose, and I was just admiring the view.”

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, letting the petal fall to the ground.

“In any case, we certainly won’t be throwing away our picnic baskets. There would be many more occasions for them to be useful.” Rarity concluded. “Speaking of which, I brought some vanilla flans with me today. Would you like to try some?”

“Oh!... Yes, I would, but, um, I’ve got something I want you to try too…”

We exchanged our baskets. The way Rarity’s eyes seem to sparkle as she opened mine made me smile.

“Cream puffs? Oh darling, how did you know? These are my favorites!” She beams at me. “Oh, the way they simply melt in your mouth… and these are still cool!”

I felt a warm feeling spreading inside me. Her giddiness was always very infectious.

Rarity took a bite. For a moment, she looked overwhelmed. She extended her tongue to lick at the cream, but seemed to think better of it. She placed the remainder of the pastry in her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. She soon lifted the second one and bit into it as well, but this time, she actually did lick at the cream, followed by her lips.

Just at that moment, I noticed myself staring, and so did she.

“Oh my… I’m sorry for that uncouth display, but these are simply irresistible.” She said, giving me a smile.

“Oh, that’s all right.”

We ate in companionable silence, occasionally pausing to admire the flowers as the sunlight shifted in and out of the clouds and the breeze rustled through the trees. Rarity seemed lost in thought whenever I chanced a peek at her, staring at the flowers but also somewhere far beyond. I keened my ears when I heard birds chirping, and saw swallows darting through the branches.

Eventually, I heard a trio of sparrows gathering in the branches above us, chirping with curiosity. A note of recognition spread through their voices, and they landed on the ground near me.

I gathered the crumbs that had fallen in front of me. “Rarity, could you pass me that bag of bird feed I put in my basket, please?”

“Yes, of course, but… ah, there it is.”

She passed the pouch onto my wing. Opening it, I scattered the crumbs and some seeds in front of the birds, and they started pecking. One of the sparrows was daring enough to try jumping onto the bag itself, which I took up in my hooves.

“Now now, this isn’t just for you.” I chided him. “I can give you more if you’re hungry, but there are other birds who need food too.”

I took out more seeds from the pouch and laid it out in front of me. The sparrows jumped onto my hooves to reach at the pile, pecking eagerly.

Rarity came from behind to join me at my side. “My my, Fluttershy, they’re practically eating out of your hooves! I would never be able to do such a thing.”

“Oh, it just takes a bit of getting used to.”

“And a lot of patience, I’m sure! Waiting on someone else to take action was never my strong suit.”

The sparrows ate their fill, chirped their thanks, and skittered away to peck at the ground for pebbles.

I turned back to Rarity. “I… I suppose I’ve always felt at ease in nature. And I’m okay with waiting things out quietly. At least… I think I am.”

“So, I suppose being out in nature is being ‘in the zone’ for you, so to speak?” Rarity inquired.

“Um, what do you mean?”

“In the zone. As in, you’re in your element and you feel like you’re where you belong, doing what you love doing.”

“In that case, um… I suppose you could put it that way.” I answered. “I just feel so much more at ease when I’m out here. It’s so nice to be alone… I mean, um, not that I don’t like spending time with you, um… sorry…”

“Oh, absolutely no need to apologize, dear!” Rarity interjected. “I totally understand what you mean. When I’m working on my designs I find it better to work alone. I do love socializing but I feel that creative endeavors are usually best done alone, with the least potential for interruptions. For starters, you wouldn’t want anyone distracting you, and you definitely would not want someone scrutinizing your every move while you contemplate your ideas, don’t you think?”

“Mhm.” I nodded in agreement, relieved that she had not taken offense.

“Granted, I do make a habit of talking to myself when I’m working. I think I do that to jog my thoughts, and to proof the ideas against my own ears to see if they ring true or make no sense.”

Rarity’s words hung in the air, before she added,

“Though, perhaps, it actually is a strange thing to do…”

“I don’t think it’s strange at all, actually. Um… everypony gathers their thoughts a little differently from each other…”

“I suppose so, dear.” Rarity smiled.

Just then, I noticed two magpies alighting on a tree nearby. I recognized one of the pair immediately; she’d come to my cottage recently and watched as I mended the wing of a bluejay. It didn’t take long for her to open up afterwards, when I went out to feed all the birds. She gave some encouraging caws to my patient before departing.

I laid out another spread of seeds. “Don’t be afraid. You’re welcome to join me.”

The one who’d visited me earlier recognized me immediately, cackling in excitement as she fluttered down in front of me. She hopped forward to the pile, and turning around, she called at her companion to join her, but the other bird did not move.

“Yes, come on down.” I encouraged. “I won’t bite.”

The one on the ground cawed in agreement, and flew up to my back as if to emphasize her point. The male replied with a few sharp, cautious calls.

“You can trust me. There’s no need to be afraid.” I reassured him.

I could see the male was hesitating. He looked up and down, cawing once at us while casting a sidelong glance. His partner called out in reply, before jumping back down to the pile of seeds to start eating.

“Hmm. He seems a stubborn one.“ Rarity commented.

“Oh, I’m sure he just needs a little… time and space, that’s all.”

“I do suppose they’re all a bit like us. Some of us take to trying new things and meeting new ponies quickly, while others need to test the waters and approach at a slower pace.”

The male continued observing us as his partner ate her fill. After she’d eaten more than half of the pile, he jumped down to the ground, then took a few hesitating hops towards us. I laid out the last of my seeds on the ground, and his partner beckoned him on with another caw. At her encouragement he hopped the last few feet, and began eating beside her. I smiled.

When the seeds were gone, Mrs. Magpie fluttered up and perched on my shoulder, calling at Mr. Magpie to join her. He responded a little more quickly this time, and joined her on my opposite shoulder.

“They make a good couple, don’t you think?” Rarity beamed as the pair touched beaks and cawed at each other with small chitchat.

I nod in agreement. “Oh, I’m sure.”

“Such a beautiful thing, isn’t it?” Rarity mused. “Love, I mean.”

“Oh… mhm.”

“Oh, if only love was easy to find! You search so hard for it, and may never find it, yet it finds you just when you aren’t looking.”

I thought about it for a moment.

“Well, um… if it’s not romance, you can always find it with family. But, um… I guess you do mean romantic love, so…” I answer her.

“Well, yes, I do mean romantic love.” Rarity confirmed. “You make a good point, nonetheless; I’ve much to thank my parents for, including the loans I’ve had to take out to open my shop. Then there’s also my sister, though frankly she could be quite the hoofful… what about your own family, dear?”

“Oh, they’re very nice ponies.”

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what do they do?”

“Well, my father’s a weather specialist in Cloudsdale, and my mother’s a high school teacher.”

“Charming! My father is a sports newscaster, and my mother is a dessert chef. As a matter of fact, I learned the recipe for the flans from her. I must concede she makes them better than I can, of course.”

“Oh.” I sigh. The cream puffs I got for her were from a confectioner’s in town—Sugarcube Corner, as a matter of fact, though I wasn’t very familiar with it yet then. To think she made those flans herself while I didn’t make my own gift for her, well… it made me feel like a bad friend.

“Is something the matter, dear?”

Rarity could be so perceptive.

I was never really a good liar, either. “Um, well… I didn’t make those cream puffs myself. I’ve been so busy lately, I haven’t had time to make anything, so I bought them from a place in town…”

“It’s perfectly all right, dear! It’s the thought that counts the most.” Rarity smiled reassuringly. “I don’t know very much about animal care, but I know enough to know it’s harder than it sounds.”

“I’m sorry, Rarity.”

“No need to apologize, dear. In all honesty, I’d have trouble taking care of just one house pet, never mind wild animals! I appreciate your thoughtfulness.”

“You’ve never had a pet?” I ask her.

“No. Well, I have sometimes wondered about, say, keeping a cat for company, but I’ve never really given myself any time to seriously consider it. And besides, I’m honestly a little overwhelmed at the prospect of looking for a pet since, well, I’ve never done it before.”

An idea leapt to the front of my mind. “Well, um, if you like cats, I’ve been taking care of a litter of kittens. Maybe, um, if you’d like, you can adopt one…”

Rarity seemed to ponder what I said for a long time. The magpies grew still, quietly observing my companion.

“I shall definitely think about it.” She answered. “Though I suppose I shall need to ask you the favor of helping me choose.”

“Of course. I’d be more than happy to help you.”

The two magpies shifted on my shoulders, cawing as if in agreement. A strong breeze rustled the branches above us, showering us with another cascade of petals.

Rarity looked at the three of us with keen eyes, before bursting out in a flurry of words as the petals settled. “Yes, that’s it! What a marvelous idea! I must make a note of this.”

She opened the picnic basket by her side and rifled through it for a few moments, before realizing it was my basket.

“Uh… Fluttershy dear, would you mind passing me my color pencils and sketch pad?” She asked sheepishly.

“Oh!” I jumped to attention. “I’ll get them for you.”

Opening her basket, I gently pushed the remaining pastries and Rarity’s kerchiefs aside. Tucked to one side, wrapped in a layer of wax paper, I find what looks to be her sketching kit.

“Are these it?”

“Yes! Excellent. Please forgive me in advance if I prove to be a poor conversation partner. I’ve a tendency to focus on my work to the exclusion of other matters once I really get going. In any case, you’re more than welcome to observe, and I’ll provide commentary and answer questions where I can.”

“That’s okay. I like watching and observing.” I replied.

Rarity scooted beside me. The magpies shifted away from her, but just a little. “Then you’ll have front row seats. Enjoy the show, dear.”

She began sketching in flourishes reminding me of the wind in black, white, and light yellow flecked with pink. Every once in a while, she’d write notes for herself on the side. The more she worked, the closer I found myself leaning towards her and her work. A rising, fluttering sensation filled my chest.

I may have thought of it then as a natural reaction to seeing Rarity make such a beautiful drawing, but looking back, I’m pretty sure it was because I was physically close to her.

More Tender Than Words Could Be

“Howdy, y’all.”

I am sure it is Applejack just by the way her steps sound. A warm, pleasant smell follows her in through the door.

“Mmm… huh? Oh, hey Applejack.” Rainbow Dash stirs from her nap, rising to greet her. “You just missed Twilight. She was here the whole night, but she had to leave earlier this morning to meet some ambassadors.”

“Here’s to hoping they ain’t like them yaks.” Applejack gives a wry grin, to which Rainbow sticks her tongue out in mock disgust. “How’re ya feelin’, Fluttershy?”

“Oh, much better than last time. Sorry if I, um…”

“Ain’t nothing to apologize for, sugarcube.” She stops me. “We all have our bad days.”

I’m thankful Applejack can be very forgiving, because sometimes, when her pride’s been wounded, forgiveness can get rather difficult for her. She’s been trying her hardest to improve in that regard though, especially since… well, since she and Rarity had their falling out.

“Here, y’all.” Applejack removes the carrying lines of the bag wrapped around her shoulder. “Some fritters to tide ya over.”

“Sweet! Thanks Applejack.” Rainbow tossed one into her mouth, then passed another to me.

“Oh, thank you Applejack.” I take a few nibbles. Her work is as delicious as always.

“Man, this takes me back.” Rainbow Dash smiles. “Remember when we went on that camping trip near Vanhoover?”

“Heh. How could I forget?” Applejack chuckles. “Thank goodness we brought those hammocks.”

The weather in the Vanhoover region has a reputation for turning suddenly without warning, because prevailing weather patterns from the ocean tend to throw scheduled weather events into disarray. That particular time, though, I suppose it was also because we didn’t quite plan ahead as well as we should have. Applejack wanted to go with a heavier kit, but Rainbow Dash convinced us to travel light because the trail was rough. A monsoon poured down on us ahead of schedule after about two hours, and we were all soaked by the time we got to our campsite. The only thing that didn’t feel so soggy was the tin of fritters Applejack had stowed away in her pack.

With some effort and after two false starts, Rainbow had a fire going. Applejack left her tin near it to warm the contents a little, then headed off to find some forage. I helped Rainbow string up our tents into an overarching roof around the fire, then hung our hammocks underneath them. That helped keep us out of the damp.

It was a rainy day, too, when Applejack had her argument with Rarity.

The modeling work I did for Rarity and Golden Fleece had turned out to be more successful than we could have imagined. Rarity said I still had a lot of fans in the business and they probably spread the word for us. Their line sold very well, and both Rarity and Golden Fleece used this opportunity to expand business. Because of this, though, Rarity had to make a lot of trips to Canterlot for her work, and her stays in the city became longer and longer.

At the end of summer, when she had seemed to have returned to stay for the time being, Rarity invited me for our usual spa date. I was elated to see her again; her being gone for so long had imprinted the idea of telling her everything I never told her about how I felt about her into my head, and it was all I could do to keep my thoughts from turning into a full-on obsession. The calmer part of me told the rest of myself to wait and see, that being so sudden would not be to anyone’s advantage. The thought of being able to take even small steps towards telling her, though, made it very difficult to not tense up with anticipation. At the same time, I was also scared of what I would find out the further I walked down that road.

“There is something I must tell you, Fluttershy dear.” Rarity smiled at me conspiratorially as we soaked in the tub.

“Yes?” I turned towards her, my ears keened.

I was one part hopeful, one part skeptical, and two parts certain this was nothing out of the ordinary. Most likely, Rarity had found some exquisite cloth perfect for her next project, or a bottle of perfume perfect for an upcoming holiday or formal event. Looking back, maybe the skeptical part of me had subconsciously feared her answer, but I don’t think anything would have prepared me for it.

“I’m dating Golden Fleece.”

I don’t think I know the exact word for how I felt just then. I do know I was disappointed, but that wasn’t quite the feeling I had. It felt like I was a disembodied spirit looking through a stranger’s eyes.

I suppose I recovered quickly enough. “Oh. That’s wonderful.”

Rarity was probably distracted, too; if I let any of those emotions show, she didn’t notice. “I’ve never met anypony quite like him! It may be my streak of romanticism talking, but he charmed me right off of my feet! Every time we speak, I feel as if we’re engaging on a deep and profoundly intimate level, where we feel and understand each other perfectly. And the two of us being in the same business means we already have an understanding of how our work can interfere with our relationship. Oh! It’s just… I don’t know what will happen, but I feel like there’s a lot ahead for both of us and I would love to find out what the future holds with him. It would be quite the experience, don’t you think?”

Rarity had brought her muzzle closer and closer to mine as she talked, her eyes locking with mine more than once. At certain moments, I think I fantasized she was talking about me instead, but that detached feeling still predominated.

I wonder what would have happened if I had told Rarity how I felt just then. It probably would not have done much, but maybe, just maybe, it could have made what came years later much easier for all of us.

As it was, I contented myself with the thought that Rarity was happy.

“Oh, I’m sure the two of you will have a wonderful time. I’m very happy for you, Rarity.”

Two days later, Golden Fleece arrived in town. He and Rarity were inseparable, and just as Rarity had told me, there was a strong chemistry between the two of them that was clear to see when they talked to each other. It was the first time Golden Fleece visited Ponyville that wasn’t entirely for the sake of business, but since Twilight had gone to Canterlot and Pinkie was visiting her family, Applejack took it upon herself to host a party for him. Rainbow Dash, who was on her downtime from the Wonderbolts, helped Rarity show him around town for the first few days. On the fifth day, when I had a lull in my schedule of classes at the veterinary school, Applejack held the party at Sweet Apple Acres. The first of several scheduled rains for the season had begun early in the morning, so by the time we all arrived at the farm in the afternoon, the day had already become a very wet one.

Applejack had rolled out a cask of cider from the cellars, accompanied by large platters of assorted fruits and cheeses. Several bottles of wine were placed on a side table, and Golden Fleece himself contributed to the spread with a very expensive-looking bottle of whiskey.

Big Macintosh brought mugs from the kitchen. Pouring everyone a full mug of cider, Applejack cleared her throat to get our attention.

“Well, y’all, this ain’t exactly the most timely welcoming celebration, but ain’t no time like the present, as they say. So let’s raise a toast for Golden Fleece, hopefully the first of many more to come!”

“Cheers!”

I took a small sip, not wanting to get drunk too quickly. Beside me, Rainbow Dash chugged hers down in a single gulp. She gave a satisfied sigh, followed quickly by a burp.

“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity gave her her second-best glare.

“Heheh, sorry, Rarity, couldn’t resist.”

Golden Fleece chuckled. “Well, I suppose being a Wonderbolt makes one naturally a little rough around the edges.”

“Please, dear. I almost suspect she is doing this deliberately to embarrass.” Rarity narrowed her eyes.

“Hey, I never give you guff for being fussy! Gimme a break!” Rainbow shot back.

“Well, I personally don’t find it offensive. It’s merely a part of her charm.” Golden Fleece offered a conciliatory gesture between the two.

“Hmph. I suppose that’s fair enough.” Rarity conceded, turning away towards the wine table. Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out at her behind her back, which made Golden Fleece grin.

“So, I’ve been wonderin’.” Applejack sidled up to us. “Ever since I heard you talk the first time, I’ve been pickin’ up this lilt in how you talk that I can’t quite place. So whereabouts are ya from?”

“My family’s from the area around Neighagara Falls.” Golden Fleece answered. “Granted, I’ve not been back there for quite some time now. City life has a way of growing on you.”

Applejack scrunched her face up a little. “Uh… hm. Well, if that’s how you see it, partner.”

“Believe you me, it was an awfully dull place. I mean, full of nice ponies, of course, but it’s like I always wanted something more. I like the feeling of being in a place where you can conceivably disappear into a crowd, where not everyone would recognize you. Of course, that’s gotten a little more difficult recently…”

“Hmm.” Applejack nodded in half-agreement. “Can’t rightly say I’ve felt like that before. Well, hope you enjoy yourself, anyhow.”

We did enjoy ourselves, very much. At Rarity’s advice, we opened two bottles of wine to accompany the fruit and cheese. Rainbow Dash opened another one of her own volition; after a glass, she decided she liked how it tasted and had three more, one quickly after the other. Meanwhile, after we’d sampled the fruits, Golden Fleece offered to open the whiskey. Big Mac brought us tumblers, and Golden Fleece poured each of us a glass. Rainbow Dash quickly gave it her approval, and from what I could tell, Applejack and Big Mac seemed to like it as well. Rarity nursed her glass a while, and declined her refill. I demurred after a single glass, too; it was a bit too spicy for my tastes. Soon after, Rainbow Dash somehow challenged Applejack into a drinking contest, and between the two of them, Big Mac, and Golden Fleece himself, they soon drank more than two-thirds of the bottle.

“Listen, sis, I think I’m gonna turn in for the night.” Big Mac leaned his head in Applejack’s direction.

“All right, Mac. Take it easy, now.” Applejack was beginning to slur.

“Oh! Fleece dear, before we forget?” Rarity nudged Golden Fleece.

“Yes! Miss Applejack, I’d like to discuss something with you, if you don’t mind?” Golden Fleece spoke, looking just a little unbalanced.

“Uh… I reckon this needs a little privacy? Why don’t we talk in the dining room?” Applejack offered.

“Certainly. We’ll be right back, Fluttershy.” Rarity nodded towards me.

Applejack led the two of them down the short hallway into the dining room, nudging the door closed behind her. I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes, feeling a little tired.

After a minute, Rainbow Dash, who’d gone out to the porch to catch some air, came back inside to go to the bathroom. When she came back out, she seemed to hesitate at the doorway.

I opened my eyes. “Rainbow, um… what’s the matter?”

“It doesn’t sound so good in there.” Rainbow whispered.

“Um, what do you mean?” I got up, walking towards her.

“They might be arguing in there.”

The two of us moved closer to the door. I could hear muffled voices.

“... Will you not see reason, Applejack?” This was Rarity. “This is a business opportunity. That patch of orchard has gone uncultivated for as long as both of us have known each other!”

I heard a low, dry chuckle. It was Applejack. It didn’t sound like she was laughing.

She stood up. “This land ain’t something you just shift ‘round with money, Rares. I thought you’d understand that by now, but obviously you don’t.”

“Applejack!...”

Applejack cut her off. “Granny done wanted to get started on another patch of Ashmead apples on that field! I’m not gonna let some two-bit city slicker defile her memory like that, let alone one that can’t even value his roots!”

I’ve never heard Applejack being so angry before. Or, for that matter, any time after that.

Rarity gasped. “Well, I’ve never! I’m appalled! Golden Fleece’s heritage isn’t for you to judge, never mind insult!...”

Rainbow Dash had been leaning into the door to get a closer listen. Just then, Applejack opened the door, leaving her to stumble into the room.

For a few seconds, all I could hear was the rain pouring down onto the farmhouse.

Rarity was the first to speak. “Rainbow Dash! I’d have thought you’d have better manners than to eavesdrop!”

“Hey, you leave Rainbow out of this, you hear?” Applejack bit back.

“Oh, and now you’re being so chivalrous!” Rarity mocked. “Where was that chivalry for dearest Golden Fleece?”

“Can’t I be concerned that my friends are arguing?” Rainbow cut in.

“We wouldn’t be arguing if Rarity and her carpet-baggin’ partner hadn’t talked a two-storey heap of hooey about some wool factory!”

“We wouldn’t be arguing if Applejack wasn’t so idiotically sentimental!”

“STOP YELLING!”

Rainbow had screamed at the top of her voice. For a few heartbeats after, I could hear the downpour again, dotted by everyone’s heavy breathing.

A grim expression settled on Applejack’s face.

“Forget it. We’re done here.” She waved a hoof. “Rarity, I’m gonna ask you and Mr. Golden Fleece here to leave.”

Rarity’s face was red. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but then just pushed past us and out of the door without saying anything. Golden Fleece followed her, an apologetic expression on his face.

“I… what…” Rainbow was at a loss of words.

“Come on, y’all.” Applejack ushered us back to the lounge. “Guessing this party’s over. Stay until morning if you don’t feel like braving the rain right now, but I’ll need some time alone.”

Applejack turned away. Rainbow sputtered and fumed for a few more incoherent seconds, before picking up the whiskey bottle and smashing it against the wall. The glass flew out in all directions, clattering onto the tables and trays. Rainbow Dash herself rushed out of the door. I almost thought she’d flown off, but soon I heard her rocking back and forth angrily on the chair on the porch.

Big Mac appeared at the stairway. “AJ, what’s going on here?”

Applejack sighed as she climbed upwards. “Nothing you need to worry yourself about right now, Big Mac. I’ll tell ya what’s what in the morning.”

As Applejack disappeared at the upstairs landing, Big Mac surveyed the lounge. The whiskey was still dripping down the wall from where Rainbow had smashed the bottle.

“Are you alright?” He asked me. I nodded.

Big Mac stepped in front of me, one forehoof reaching out towards me. “Uh… may I?”

It took me a moment to realize he was offering a hug. I nodded, and he squeezed me close.

I didn’t realize why until I noticed myself trembling uncontrollably.

“Fluttershy?”

Rainbow Dash is waving a hoof in front of my eyes. Applejack walks closer.

“Welcome back to Equestria.” Rainbow smiles. “She’s been daydreaming like this a lot in the last couple of days. She hasn’t said much about what she’s thinking about, though.”

I look away, not wanting to spoil the mood. “Oh, it’s… nothing, really.”

Rainbow turns back to Applejack, retrieving the rolled-up poster Twilight had brought and showing it to her. “Pretty sure she was thinking about her modeling work, though. Here, check this out.”

Seeing the picture laid in front of her, Applejack knits her brows together, accentuating the deep lines between them.

“Hmm… I think I--oh.”

“What’s the matter?” Rainbow asked.

“Sugarcube.” Applejack placed a forehoof on my lap. “You’ve been thinking about Rarity, ain’t ya?”

I almost want to not answer her. But I’ve never been a good liar.

“... Yes.”

Applejack sighs and closes her eyes. “We shouldn’t have fought. If I’d have thunk what would happen afterwards, I wouldn’t have done what I did.”

“Oh man, you’re bringing that up?” Rainbow spoke, more towards Applejack than towards me. “I know you think it’s all your fault, and from some skewed perspectives, maybe that’s true. But we all did wrong by each other--you, me, Rarity, all three of us. I thought we’d agreed on that.”

“We did, Rainbow.” Applejack answers. “But I can’t stop thinking about how things could have been if we hadn’t done what we did. If things happened differently.”

“You can’t keep living in the past, AJ. Besides, none of us could have expected what came afterwards. I mean, it’s not like we’ve never had fights--heck, some of them were pretty darned big as fights go. But usually, after we’d had time to cool down, we’d learn our lesson and apologize, patch things up, you know? Who’d have thought Rarity would drop out of contact for years? I certainly didn’t think it would snowball like that.”

Applejack sighed again. “I know, Rainbow. But keeping myself busy can only help so much with trying to keep it out of my mind sometimes, especially at our age.”

She tipped her hat back, resting her chin on the bed.

“Heh. Funny how those trees never quite took root, ain’t it?”

It’s not my clearest memory, but I do remember. Applejack took on extra hooves to help her plant the Ashmead apples Granny Smith had wanted, but a surprise frost killed most of the new grafts. The whole-tree transplants were hit by a fire blight epidemic later in the season, and Applejack had to quarantine the field to keep it from spreading to the rest of the orchard.

We never quite were able to get back in touch with Rarity, either. I can’t remember the exact order of how everything happened, but one thing after another got in our way. There was some sort of diplomatic crisis in Zebrica, and Twilight had to help sort it out; the stress gave her a mental breakdown, and she had to convalesce in Canterlot. Applejack was called out to help some distant relatives and their griffon neighbors in the southern continent get their farms in order, and went missing for almost six months when a local war erupted. Her experiences in a griffon refugee camp changed her; after she came back, she joined Ponies Without Borders and spent a lot of time away from the farm, which also meant some extended family members came to stay there permanently to keep things running. Pinkie Pie had started a party supply/joke items shop with Cheese Sandwich and Trixie, and split her time between Ponyville and Baltimare. Rarity married Golden Fleece, and went on tour as part of Sapphire Shores’s support staff after their honeymoon. Rainbow Dash was still in active service with the Wonderbolts, so she went back to that. As for myself, I had to finish veterinary school, and go to Fillydelphia for a few years for my residency.

We didn’t want to admit it, but we were growing apart.

Once my residency was done, I came back to Ponyville, and moved back into my cottage, which I had been leasing out while I was away. The town was just as lively as always, but things were so different. Twilight had given parts of her castle’s space to the Royal Archives to use as an annex, so the insides of the castle felt like a library, almost like a bigger version of the old Golden Oaks Library. Because of this conversion, though, there were a lot of staff ponies working there as well, and that made it seem a bit less homely.

The weather team duties were taken up by Blossomforth and Rumble. The team had grown in size along with the town, and one pony couldn’t manage all the weather anymore without getting overworked. Thankfully the area near my cottage was still relatively clear, because the Everfree Forest was so close. In fact, the treeline had grown closer to the cottage while I was gone. None of the more dangerous critters ever made trouble, though, so I didn’t think it was a bad thing.

Soon after I moved back, Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich got married. The pair of them made a very happy couple, and they enjoyed a close friendship with Trixie. I soon learned that the three of them were in an unconventional romantic relationship, which made me wonder a little about how it worked out between them. I never had any reason to worry for them, though, because all three of them seemed very happy. Pinkie had also taken a stake in the management of Sugarcube Corner, and between the bakery and the joke shops, they made a comfortable living.

Rarity had sold Carousel Boutique to Coco Pommel, who used the chance to open a branch store for herself in Ponyville. She’d moved her primary residence to Ponyville after a few years because it was getting more expensive to live in Manehattan. I asked her how Rarity was doing, but she said she didn’t know. Even when Rarity had made the deal with her, she never saw her, only her letters. From what she could tell, though, Rarity was doing well for herself, and that was reassuring.

It was many years before any of us saw Rarity face-to-face again. She would appear in the magazines every once in a while, but those became rarer as the years passed. Golden Fleece was outright reclusive; he essentially disappeared from the public eye, and Rarity seemed to follow in his footsteps.

And then, she was there, standing at my cottage door.

Who Finds In Her Heart No Place

I’d opened the door without checking who it was.

“Hi. How may I be of—”

“Hello, dear.”

My eyes went wide.

I was glad to hear her voice after so long, but I was also a bit concerned because she sounded a little hoarser than I remembered. She was smiling, but it wasn’t the confident smile of the Rarity I knew. I could clearly see all the little lines and furrows on her face, so my first impression was that she’d aged tremendously. The gray strands in her mane did nothing to weaken this impression.

There was a distant, sorrowful look in her eyes, so that even though she was smiling, I felt a little sorry for her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anypony look so sad.

I stared at her for a little while, without being able to say anything. Rarity’s smile slowly faded, and she almost looked like she was about to turn away. I pulled her into a hug.

“I missed you…” I managed to choke out.

Rarity touched her ear to mine. “As have I, darling. As have I.”

“Would you like to come in, have some tea?” I offered.

“That would be lovely, dear.”

It didn’t take long for the kettle to boil. I fetched cups and a jar of cookies from my kitchen, then poured each of us a cup after the loose leaf was ready. Rarity had put her luggage down in the corner, joining me at the windowside tea table.

A gentle breeze blew in through the open window, rustling the hairs of our manes. Rarity stared off into the sunny distance, deep in thought. Not wishing to disturb her, I gave her the moment of silence.

She turned back towards me after taking a sip from her cup. “So, how have you been, dear?”

“I’ve been doing well, I suppose. I finished veterinary school and did my residency in Fillydelphia, so now I’ve turned my cottage into an actual animal clinic.”

“You do seem to have expanded the premises.”

“Mhm. I did that when I moved away so I could rent the house out. Or, rather, Applejack, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom helped me with the expansion…”

Rarity twisted the corner of her mouth a little when I mentioned Applejack. Fearing I’d brought up a touchy topic, I got flustered. “Um… I’m… sorry if I…”

“Oh, it’s all right, dear.” Rarity reassured me with a smile. “I’m just… I do suppose Applejack and I have some matters we need to discuss.”

“Well, would you like to, um…”

“I would, Fluttershy dear. But not now. I don’t quite think I’m ready to speak to her yet.”

“Okay.”

“In fact, for the time being, please don’t tell anyone that I’m back in town? I’d like to take it slow and avoid attracting too much attention at once.”

“Okay, so, um… where will you be staying?”

Rarity sighed.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you a favor in that regard. Do you have any space available here for me to stay? I can certainly contribute to any household chores that need taking care of.”

“I do have a guest room available. Um, would you like to see it now?” I offered.

“Well, I do think I should put my luggage out of the sight of any customers, so yes, I would like to.”

The upstairs guest room had a window facing the forest. A table with a single chair was set just underneath it, accompanied by two empty bookshelves to its left. There was a bed, two beanbag chairs, and a walk-in closet. The afternoon sun had just began shining through the window, and I could see the dust in the air floating through the column of light.

Rarity looked around the room, before setting her luggage down at the foot of the bed.

“This is just what I needed.” She said. “Thank you, darling.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. If you need anything else, just tell me, and I’ll do the best I can.”

And just like that, we started living together.

For her part, Rarity kept a low profile, and rarely went into town. Since this meant I ended up doing most of the shopping for the two of us, she compensated by doing most of the cooking and tidying. We also redecorated the house and clinic for a bit more of a vibrant feel, though planting and caring for the plants in the outside garden was still mostly my job because it wasn’t Rarity’s strong suit. All in all, it felt rather nice to be living with her.

In her spare time, Rarity continued her fashion work, though she didn’t quite work at the frantic fast pace she used to. At first, she would draft designs in duplicate, sending one out somewhere and saving one for herself. After I got my sewing machine out of storage for her, she started mail-ordering materials and making her own designs. She would ask me to model for her, and when I wasn’t busy, I did. She’d also ask me for my input sometimes, and my responses were apparently helpful for her despite my relative lack of knowledge. Her work was as beautiful as always, though they felt more subdued than what I’d seen her make before.

If I had been younger, then maybe things would have gotten awkward. As things were then, I enjoyed the platonic nature of our interactions. But while time had tempered my feelings, it did not make them go away. There were lonely nights where I would curl into myself and wish Rarity would hold me close. There were also times when I would dream about her, and those times could get rather intense: In some of these dreams, Rarity would be mad at me for reasons I couldn’t understand; in others I felt compelled to hurry after her to find her, but would never reach her before the scene changed or when I woke up. There were even some dreams where we were cuddling close, and things would start getting… intimate. All this meant that sometimes I would feel like talking to Rarity about it all just to get it off of my chest. But I always made excuses to myself, about how busy I was or how Rarity wasn’t likely to be interested in romantic approaches from mares.

Rarity seemed to have some things weighing on her mind, too. One night, when I got out of bed to get a glass of water downstairs, I noticed that her door was slightly open, and her light was still turned on. I heard sobbing from inside the room, so I walked closer. Looking through the doorway I saw Rarity crying quietly by herself, looking at a framed picture of her and Golden Fleece.

I stood still, not sure whether I should call out to her or leave her be. Rarity, for her part, never noticed me, alternating between looking at the picture, looking up at the night sky out of the window, and just laying her head on the desk between her forehooves.

After about ten minutes, I turned away.

I didn’t know what had happened between Rarity and Golden Fleece, but it was obvious that it was painful for her. For the time being, I stopped myself from thinking about telling Rarity how I felt, because I felt like I would have been taking advantage of her if I did. Likewise, I never asked about what had happened to her and Golden Fleece, because I didn’t want to open her wounds.

Still, keeping secrets has a way of weighing down on your chest. That was why one day, when I was in town, I told Pinkie Pie everything. I’d first asked to talk to her in the Sugarcube Corner basement, so that no one would overhear us.

“Okay Fluttershy, what do you want to tell me that’s so super-duper secret?”

“Well, um… please promise me you won’t tell anyone?”

“Cross my heart and hope to fly!” Pinkie winked at me.

“Okay, umm… okay. It’s about Rarity.”

Pinkie raised her eyebrows a little.

“Okay, I’m all ears!”

I told her everything, starting with when I first came to town and met Rarity. How I first knew that I had a crush on her. How Rarity had fallen for Golden Fleece, and how it seemed there had been something painful that resulted in their being apart.

Pinkie tilted her head. “Wait. Has Rarity been in touch with you, or has somepony else gotten in touch with you about her?”

“Well, um… I don’t think she knows I know, but I saw her crying at her desk one night, looking at a picture of her and Golden Fleece…”

Pinkie perked up. “So that means she’s living with you right now?”

I nodded.

“If she’s back, we should celebrate!” Pinkie beamed. “A nice welcome back party would give everypony a chance to catch up and patch things up! I think Twilight said the castle’s functions room would be open the whole weekend, so what do you say? Saturday or Sunday sound any good?”

“I… I don’t think Rarity’s quite ready yet. I’ll… I’ll need to ask her.”

Pinkie nodded. “Okay! Just tell me when you find out. In the meantime, this secret’s safe with me.”

I suppose it was only a matter of time before one of us found out about Rarity. After talking to Pinkie Pie, I was glad I could clear some mental space, if only by a little. But it also meant that I would have to broach the topic with Rarity about meeting the others again.

“Um… Rarity?”

“Yes, darling?”

“So, I was thinking about, um, you know… having you meet everyone again.”

Rarity put down her cup, turning her head to look outside of the window. Fireflies danced above the orchids in the garden, and I could hear crickets.

She turned back towards me. “... I suppose I couldn’t have hidden away here forever.”

“We’ve all missed you very much. Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, even Applejack; they would all be happy to see you again.”

“I did say that I should have some words with Applejack. I do not know if she will forgive me, but an understanding must be reached between us.”

“... Yes.”

I wanted to reassure her that there wouldn’t be an argument this time, that Applejack would forgive her. But there was no way for me to know that that would be the case because old feelings had a way of burning into your mind and not going away. I was afraid of raising Rarity’s hopes only to disappoint her. And I was afraid of raising my own hopes only to be disappointed myself.

“And, I suppose, it would be cruel to deprive the rest of us of my company, conceited as it may be for me to say so.” Rarity sighed. “Ah, us. It’s been so long since I thought of all six of us as a single group…”

“I miss all the good memories we’ve made.”

“Time isn’t very kind, is it?”

“Mhm.”

Rarity turned back to her plate, scooping up bites of her homemade radish and oranges salsa. I returned to my own dinner, too, but it felt like I was just pushing food around.

“It would be unkind of me to have you keep my presence here a secret for so long, darling.” Rarity spoke up.

“Well, um…”

“Yes?”

“I, um… I was in town, and… oh, I’m sorry Rarity, but I just couldn’t keep the secret much longer.”

Rarity paused for a moment.

“That’s all right, dear. I suppose it had to happen sooner or later. Who did you confide in, if I may ask?”

“P-Pinkie Pie.”

“I see.” Rarity nodded.

“She said, um, she said she wanted to host a welcome back party for you. Maybe you would want to, um, tell her when it would be convenient…”

“Rainbow Dash is not on tour, is she? I would like to speak to her as well.”

I shook my head. “No… I mean, I don’t think so.”

“Good. Weekends, then, perhaps?”

“Pinkie said we could use a room in the castle this weekend. Um…”

“Would I prefer Saturday or Sunday?” Rarity finished my sentence for me. “I suppose Saturday evening would be the best, as long as it’s just the six of us.”

“Okay, um… I’ll tell Pinkie Pie that.”

Pinkie Pie was elated when I told her. She started preparing immediately, and sent us all customized invitation cards. She said she would keep Rarity’s presence a secret for everyone else until the actual party, so that it would be a pleasant surprise. Rarity and I talked about whether this was a good thing to do; maybe it would turn out to be not such a pleasant surprise for Applejack. But if she wasn’t inclined to reconcile, then it would have been all the same whether she knew before the fact or not. Rarity convinced me that it would be better this way, since it gave her a better chance for speaking to Applejack face to face. After that, all we could do was wait.

When Saturday came, Rarity decided to arrive ‘fashionably late’, so that she could meet everyone at the same time. We set off on an indirect route towards the castle, which took us through the cherry stand at the edge of town. The town had grown around it, but hadn’t completely enclosed it yet. It was being used more and more as a park, so trails were cleared through the stand and benches and lamps were installed along them. Some areas even had picnic tables.

The sun was just beginning to set when we entered the grove. The leaves rustled in the evening breeze, and the daytime heat had faded a little. All around us, I could hear birds chirping and chattering away.

Rarity was wearing a white dress and a wide-brimmed hat to avoid being recognized, but there weren’t many ponies out and about; the grove itself was deserted apart from the usual little critters. Chirps of familiarity spread through the birds around us as we walked, and soon I saw sparrows and jays gathering in the treetops.

“How were this year’s cherry blossoms, dear?” Rarity asked. “I’m sorry to say I missed them.”

“Oh, they were beautiful.”

“Hmm. I suppose there is always next year. Do you remember the first time we came here? I still have a copy of the dress I designed that day. I must have been particularly inspired then, because the more I think about it, the more that design feels like one of the best things I ever made even after all these years. There’s just something so sublime about it, something I always aspire towards but don’t always replicate. Some ephemeral beauty beyond the ordinary…”

Rarity sighed.

“You know, darling, sometimes I wonder whether my spark is fading away.”

“Um… what do you mean?”

I gave her a worried look. Rarity slowed down a little, turning her head towards me.

“It’s not that easy to come up with new ideas, that much I’ve always known. But more and more I’m finding that I’m dissatisfied with the things I make. Nothing I do feels up to standard, and I’m worried that my inspiration has ran its course.”

“Um, why do you feel you’re not meeting your own standards?”

“It’s as if everything I do seems so… passé, you know what I mean? They may be pleasing to the eyes, but it always feels as if something is missing, some ingredient that makes it truly beautiful.”

“I’ve always thought you’ve been doing pretty well. Um… I think you might just be being a little too harsh on yourself.”

Rarity didn’t immediately answer.

“I mean, I think some things don’t need to be appealing on multiple levels to be beautiful. Simple things can be just as nice as complex things…” I suggested.

“I seek profundity in the things I make, darling, so that they will be memorable. After all, I want my work to be remembered.” Rarity stopped and turned towards me.

I turned to face her. “I can understand that you would want to make a long-lasting impression. But I don’t think it would help you to stress over it every time you work. I, um, I think it wouldn’t hurt to just make something simple for your own enjoyment.”

“... I suppose you’re right, dear. Though sometimes I can’t help but feel as if my time is limited and running out quickly.”

I didn’t quite understand why she would feel that way then, but the way she said it did make me wonder. I didn’t want to pry, though, so I didn’t say anything.

Just then, I noticed that the chatter of the birds around us had begun to change in tone. A sense of urgency spread through their voices as we walked forward again, and around a bend in the trail, I saw why. Two magpies were on the ground--one standing, one lying still.

Other birds started gathering nearby. I trotted forward, my emergency training flashing through my head.

The magpies seemed to be partners. The female one stood aside as I kneeled down to examine the male, staying close while I diagnosed him. He was completely still, with no signs of breathing or a heartbeat. I began applying avian chest compressions.

Rarity rushed to my side, making the female magpie jump. “Anything I can do to be of help?”

“I… I’m not sure.” I answered her between compressions.

“Just tell me if you need me, dear.”

I think I struggled for almost half an hour, but I could not revive the magpie no matter what I did. His partner seemed to notice this, and cawed mournfully once or twice near the end. She put the side of her beak against his body as I laid him back down.

“I’m… I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do anymore.” I sighed, closing my eyes. Ms. Magpie cawed once, her voice filled with resignation.

“My sincerest condolences to you for the loss of your husband.” Rarity spoke, tilting her head and hiding her eyes with the brim of her hat. She lifted the dead body of Mr. Magpie with a solemn gesture, and laid him down at the root of a nearby tree. She picked a dandelion and placed it next to his body.

Ms. Magpie stood over her dead partner, looking down at him without a sound. Rarity and I both sat down behind her, neither of us saying anything.

I looked towards Rarity, and noticed her trembling. She lifted her hoof to wipe at her eyes.

I wrapped my hooves and wings around her, my muzzle touching against her neck.

Eventually, Ms. Magpie broke the silence, cawing twice before spreading her wings and flying off into the grove. I don’t know how long we’d been sitting like that, but the stars had begun to appear in the sky above us.

“Where could they be?” I heard Rainbow Dash inside the room. “The party was supposed to start an hour ago!”

“Don’t worry Dashie, I’m sure they’ll be here any minute now.” Pinkie Pie answered her with a faint hint of uncertainty.

“I’m still wondering, who could this ‘mystery guest’ be?” This was Twilight.

“Eh, could be Spike for all we know. Ain’t seen his scaly likeness in ages.” Applejack commented.

I knocked twice on the door.

“That’s them!” Pinkie perked up. Rarity moved herself back a little.

The door opened. Everyone inside turned towards us.

“And now, may I introduce--Fluttershy, and our special guest… Rarity!”

From what I could tell by their expressions, everyone was surprised. Applejack and Rainbow Dash both looked like their hearts had skipped a beat. Twilight’s wings appeared to flare out a little, but she tucked them back in just as quickly.

Rarity walked up beside me, taking her hat off.

“Hello, dears.”

Rainbow was the first to break silence.

“Hey, Rares!” She rushed up to Rarity, hugging her close. “It’s been way, way too long since I saw you the last time. How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been… managing.”

“Heard you got married, too. How’s that working out?”

“It’s… a long story.”

I looked Rainbow directly in her eyes, shaking my head a little. Rainbow seemed to understand.

“I’m glad you’re back, Rares.” She gave another squeeze before letting her go.

Twilight approached us next. “All we’ve been hearing about you have been through the newspapers and magazines. There was just so much that I couldn’t be sure about. There’s been a lot happening here, too--as you probably noticed on your way in, I’ve let the Royal Archives use some of the castle’s space. I’ve been helping to manage that Annex as well, and diplomacy never rests…”

“I understand, dear.” Rarity nodded.

“Oh, but enough about myself!” Twilight hugged her. “It’s really good to see you again. We should definitely find a chance to talk and catch up. I’m sure you’ve got a lot of stories to tell.”

“I suppose so, darling.”

Applejack had gotten closer to us, but was still standing a little out of reach. She nodded in our direction as Twilight let Rarity go.

“Rarity.”

“Applejack.”

All our eyes were on the two of them, sizing each other up. Even Rainbow alighted and folded her wings, making the room quiet again.

“I suppose we must have some words with each other.” Rarity began.

“S’pose so.”

Rarity steadied herself. “I will not apologize for defending the one I love. But I acknowledge that the proposal we put forth that day was terribly inconsiderate. Business prospects blinded me when it absolutely should not have, and for that, I am sorry.”

“Mm.” Applejack grunted, hiding her eyes with the brim of her hat.

“And Rainbow Dash.” Rarity continued. “The way I treated you that night was very unbecoming of me. I apologize for that as well.”

“It’s nothing, Rares.” Rainbow shrugged. “You know I care about you more than I care about you fussing about me. Besides, I really shouldn’t have been eavesdropping. But you can’t blame me for trying to stop my friends from fighting.”

“Of course.” Rarity answered.

“I would’ve done the same if I were in your shoes, Rainbow.” Applejack spoke, removing her hat. “And Rare, I…”

“Yes?”

“... I won’t apologize for standing up for my homestead. It means so much to me. Maybe I ought to, but I can’t. I don’t think I ever will be able to.”

“You are not wrong, Applejack.”

“But that night, Rares, I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that. I-I hope you can forgive me.”

Rarity crossed the distance between them with a few soft steps, and touched her neck to Applejack’s.

“I accept your apology.”

“And I do too.”

“We are in agreement, then?”

“... Yeah.”

“HOO-RAY!” Pinkie Pie pulled all of us into a group hug. “This is perfect!”

She squeezed us together very tightly, so tightly that Rarity and I were pressed together cheek to cheek. The corners of our lips touched.

“Come on, Pinkie… I can’t breathe…” Applejack gasped.

“I’m just so happy that my friends are back together!”

The rest of the evening was as happy and pleasant as I could have hoped for. Rarity shared some stories of her time on the road, dealing with hectic schedules and the chaos of missing equipment. Rainbow shared stories of her own tours, about publicity junkets and trying to make sure the military actually had what they needed on their performance locations. Twilight added her experiences with the diplomatic corps and the civil service, and Applejack and I talked about our work with wilderness rescue and disaster relief. Pinkie Pie talked about her joint venture store franchise with Cheese Sandwich and Trixie. She also brought out a set of cards and poker chips, and we played a low-stake hold’em game at her prompting. The conversation then turned to romance; Applejack said she hadn’t found anyone yet, while Twilight said she had no interest in a prince consort. Rainbow Dash would only say that she was dating a fellow Wonderbolt, but would not say who it was. Pinkie talked about the relationship between her, Cheese Sandwich, and Trixie, and their efforts in raising Pinkie and Cheese’s foal Gooseberry. Rarity and I both refrained from that discussion. Near the end, Twilight brought out some wine for all of us, so that when we left just past eleven, we were all buzzed and smiling.

After her reconciliation with Applejack, Rarity became a good deal less reclusive. She started engaging in the town’s social events a little, and would sometimes handle shopping trips for me. On some weekends, we would take leisurely walks around town or even have a spa date like we used to do in the old days. Coco Pommel offered to sell Carousel Boutique back to her, but Rarity declined. Coco told her she would always be welcome at the shop regardless, that she was free to work on her own designs there at her leisure during the day. Rarity thanked her for the offer, but never took her up on it.

Rarity visited the doctor’s on a regular basis, though she never told me why. She never appeared very unhealthy to me, and would always fit some martial arts practice in between her work to keep herself in shape, though as time wore on she said it was getting to be more and more of a struggle to wake up in the morning. Sometimes, phantom pains and aches would trouble her, then vanish without a trace. None of it was anything out of the ordinary, or at least, I thought so.

One day, Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich invited us to see their foal. Rarity admitted that even after all these years, she still didn’t have any maternal instincts, but little Gooseberry seemed to like her. After a while, though, Rarity excused herself, saying she was getting tired. On our way home, she told me that she’d had trouble conceiving, and was never able to have a foal with Golden Fleece.

“Oh.”

“I had to step out of there. Too many thoughts of what could have been, you see.”

“Well, um… is that… is that why you separated with Golden Fleece?”

“No.”

I almost wanted to ask her more, but the pensive expression on her face stopped me from saying anything.

It wasn’t long, though, before I discovered why Rarity had trouble conceiving.

It was a day in September. The last of the summer heat had started to fade away, and the evenings had gotten much cooler. Rarity had had more medical visits than usual over the previous month, which had gotten me more and more concerned about her health. On that day, after I closed the clinic, I finally decided I would ask her what was wrong once she got home from her appointment.

Rarity didn’t use the front door. I didn’t even realize she had gotten home until I looked out into the garden while preparing dinner. She was wearing a wispy white dress with a sash around her waist that matched her mane and tail. The sun had just set, and the sky was turning into the dark blue color of nighttime.

“Um, Rarity?” I called out to her as I opened the door. “Is something wrong?”

Rarity turned back towards me, smiling her sad smile.

“... I suppose I couldn’t hide forever.”

“Rarity, what do you mean?” I asked her. “I’m… I’ve noticed you’ve been to the doctor’s a lot lately and-and I’m getting worried about your health…”

Rarity looked away. “The answer is in that folder, dear.”

I looked towards the garden furniture, and noticed the blue folder. Walking over to it, I opened it to the first page inside.

A soft breeze rustled through the garden as realization hit me. I felt like I was looking out of another pony’s eyes again, understanding but not understanding the words on the paper.

“The doctor told me it’s spread. I’m afraid there’s no stopping it now.” Rarity spoke.

I wanted to deny her, to tell her no. But it was all on the page, typed in sterile and dispassionate words.

“Thank you for taking care of me for all of these months, Fluttershy. But I couldn’t possibly bear to trouble you any further. It is time for me to take my leave.”

Rarity turned, walking back inside.

I rushed up to her as she crossed the doorway. “But… But!”

Rarity turned around to face me, and even though it was getting dark, I could clearly see every line and wrinkle on her face.

“Please don’t go, Rarity! I, I can take care of you. I’m not afraid.”

“I do not doubt your courage, Fluttershy dear. But I fear I will only be a burden. You have your own life to live, dear, and I do not wish to take that away from you.”

“I… No! I can do it. I’m a trained medical professional. I can… I…”

Our muzzles were nearly touching, and for the first time, I closed that very last bit of distance between the two of us, and pressed my lips against hers.

Rarity did not back away, did not resist or freeze up. She accommodated me as I kissed her, moving her mouth with mine and even letting me lick her lips a little. But she never opened herself up completely.

After a minute, I pulled away. The initial high was gone, replaced by the guilty feeling of having taken advantage of a hurting friend. I squeezed my eyes closed and lowered my head.

“Fluttershy.”

A gentle hoof tilted my chin upwards. When I opened my eyes, I found Rarity looking directly at me, still smiling her sad smile.

“I appreciate your sentiments, dear. I truly do.”

She blinked, and that was when I noticed the tears pooling in her eyes.

“But I fear I don’t have much love left in me to give anymore.”

I couldn’t keep myself composed any longer. My eyesight blurred, and over hitching breaths, I started crying. Rarity pulled me into a hug, and I felt her soft sobs trembling with my own.

We fell into each other’s embrace, and in the evening dark, found each other for the first and last time.

Over Her Sad Dark Eyes

Rarity stayed.

The doctor, Doctor Daffodil, was kind enough to make a house visit the next time he needed to see her. I suppose he needed to see me, too, so that he could let me know what would be involved, what I could expect.

At first, I almost couldn’t tell the difference. Rarity still went through her usual routines, drafting, sewing, and doing martial arts forms. She seemed determined to not let it affect her, but little by little the changes became obvious. The lines in her face seemed to get deeper, and she looked more and more gaunt as time passed.

She rarely gave any hints of being in pain. Still, pain was unavoidable for her condition, and her painkiller prescription got more potent to account for it. Her attention span suffered.

There began to be days where I would find her staring off into nowhere with a blank expression. It wasn’t like before, where she would be reminiscing about something by herself and respond the moment you called out her name, where I could tell she was deep in thought. She kind of looked… empty. It took a few seconds for her to respond, and sometimes, even when she did, she still seemed like she didn’t even know where she was.

She persisted in her dressmaking despite it all, taking custom orders like before. But even though her workload was far less than when she was at Carousel Boutique, she was stretched beyond her limits. Moments of inattention turned delicate stitchwork into tangles, and rare materials of limited supply went to waste and had to be re-acquired. Pretty soon, deadlines she would have had no trouble meeting before passed her by. Her customers started demanding refunds.

She made her mind up to stop all her work at the end of November.

“Fluttershy?” She called to me from the tea table as I closed the clinic.

“Yes?”

“... I’ve come to a decision.”

“Um… what kind of decision?"

“I’m not… I’m not able to meet the demands of my clientele anymore.”

I’ll never forget the way she looked then. Her sad, dark eyes were cast down and aside at the window sill, and her lips were drawn together in a grim line. She looked absolutely crushed.

I could only nod in understanding.

“But I’d like to, at least, go out on a good note.” She continued. “There are two orders that… haven’t been canceled yet. If you can, I would like your help to finish them.”

“Okay.”

“I just—” Rarity let out a long sigh. “I just don’t want my career to end like this.”

I almost wanted to look away, to not have to see Rarity endure being made so powerless and ineffectual. To not have to live with the knowledge that this was only the beginning, that far more of her dignity would be stripped away before the end.

“Thank you, Fluttershy.”

The first order was for Cloud Burst, a country music singer. This one was thankfully easy, because the singer had sent Rarity a rough copy of the design, and Rarity had already finished a touched-up version of it. The design was a garish suit studded with rhinestone patterns everywhere, a stage costume hearkening back almost 80 years by that point. I found it more than a little kitsch, and while I never said so out loud, I think Rarity felt the same way.

The most difficult part was assembling the outfit. Rarity did most of the groundwork, but I convinced her to let me finish the detailing on my own. I was afraid that she would end up hurting herself with the sewing machine, or with the hot tools for caulking the glittery elements onto the suit. Rarity wanted to do it herself; I told her we’d use our time better if I did the hoof-work on Cloud Burst’s order while she tackled conceptual issues with the other order. After thinking about it a little, she agreed.

The second--and far more difficult--order was for Night Coda, a folk singer who’d just recently released her first album. It was for another stage costume, meant for the album release tour, but the trouble was that the singer and her publicist only left vague directions that the dress be elegant and simple. But because it was still a stage costume, Rarity knew it would not do to have it be too simple. Stage lighting could only go so far to put a performer in contrast with her surroundings. Beyond that, though, she had no idea where to start. The absolute carte blanche she was given was giving her trouble rather than helping her.

While I was putting the rhinestones on Cloud Burst’s suit, Rarity drew three preliminary designs, all of which she discarded. The frustration was starting to get to her; she even started to skip meals so she could do something about her artistic block. For a few days, I brought food to her while she worked, but when I noticed one afternoon that she didn’t even touch anything I made for breakfast and lunch, I had to put my hoof down.

“Rarity?”

“... Yes, dear? I’m rather busy at the moment.”

“Rarity.” I raised my voice.

Rarity finally turned towards me.

“Have you eaten anything since yesterday?” I pinned my eyes to hers.

“I… well…”

“Rarity.” I walk closer to her. “I know you want to give this your best effort. But you can’t do that by starving yourself. Especially not when you’re sick like this.”

Rarity cast her gaze downwards, closing her eyes.

“Truth be told, darling, I’ve not had much appetite lately.” She shook her head.

“I can understand that your condition and the frustration can make you feel that way, but not eating is only going to make things worse. As your caretaker, I’m asking you to have a bite at the very least. Please?”

Rarity glanced at the trays on her table. Taking a loaf of bread, she tore off a piece and put it into her mouth, chewing slowly.

“I’m also asking you to please take a break from drafting designs, so that I can take you outside and help you relax a little.”

Rarity looked like she wanted to object, but nodded in resignation.

The weather was already very chilly, so we had to bundle up for our walk. The first snow of the season had been scheduled to start some time in the evening, so the sky was overcast outside. We took the path on the edge of town, walking past Sweet Apple Acres towards Golden Harvest’s house. When we crested the hill, a strong gust of wind swept past us, making us stop and clutch our clothes closer to our bodies.

I sidled up to Rarity and extended a wing over her body to shield her. She smiled a little.

With both of us standing still, I took the chance to look around us. The leaves had all fallen, leaving bare branches whistling in the empty air. Our breaths steamed as we exhaled, before getting blown away.

“We’ve a long winter ahead of us.” Rarity spoke.

“... Mhm.”

Rarity furrowed her brows. She seemed to want to say something more, but didn’t. She just started walking forward again when the wind subsided a little, and I followed after her.

I think at that moment, we both had a feeling deep inside that she wouldn’t live to see spring. I’m glad she didn’t say anything, because I wasn’t ready to confront it just then.

On the other side of the emptied carrot patches, I saw our destination. When the land here was first cleared by Carrot Digger and Goldenrod, the farmers decided to leave a grove of maple trees standing. Nobody knows for sure why they did--Golden Harvest’s guess was that they wanted to build a cottage inside it, a place to relax under the shade away from the hustle and bustle of the rest of the family. Applejack told me instead that the two farmers, who’d been clearing land for six days straight and were exhausted, decided to stop their work for the week at the edge of the grove, and rested inside it on the seventh day. Both of them came to like how peaceful it was inside, and so they left the patch of trees standing and cleared around it, leaving a peninsula of forest jutting out into their farmland. I’ve even heard stories saying that the couple both saw a vision of Princess Celestia while resting there, or that there was an old, dying timberwolf there who fended off the couple’s efforts to chase him away and earned their respect. In any case, the grove was just a little ways off from Golden Harvest’s house, and was a little more sheltered from the wind than the cherry stand.

Rarity slowed her pace a little, moving to the edge of the path.

“Darling, I’m… I’m not feeling so well.”

“Oh dear. Are… are you feeling nauseous? Light-headed?”

“Yes. Let’s stop for a moment here.”

“Okay. If you want to go home, we can…”

“That’s all right. We’ve already come this far.”

Rarity sat herself down on the side of the road. I sat next to her, letting her rest her head on my shoulder. Rarity closed her eyes, taking slow and deep breaths.

The wind kept blowing, and the sky got a little darker. I leaned my head against Rarity’s, breathing in and out with her and covering her with my wing again. We stayed like this for a while.

Just then, I felt something cold land on my nose. Looking up, I noticed the flurries drifting down from the clouds. The season’s first snow had arrived a little ahead of schedule. Rarity must have noticed it, too; she drew up her scarf to cover her mouth and nose.

“All right. I think I’m feeling better now.”

Standing up, she walked back onto the center of the path, heading towards the maple trees. I was beside her every step of the way, afraid she’d have another attack of nausea. The flurries came down larger and faster as we went on, coating the ground with a layer of white.

We arrived at our destination in about ten minutes. We stayed near the edge of the trees, looking out into the snow-covered fields. I think the sun was starting to set just then, because it started getting darker much faster. We cleared a space on the ground and sat down on the mulch. Just like before, I extended a wing over Rarity’s body, though it was me who put my head on her shoulder this time.

“Would you like some hot cocoa?” I asked her as I withdrew the thermoses from inside my jacket.

“Oh! Very good of you to think ahead, dear. I would not mind.”

I sipped at my drink as the snow fell all around us, grateful for the extra warmth. Rarity looked rejuvenated as she nursed her mug, a faint smile on her face. The steam of our breaths and our open thermoses, plus the falling snow, gave everything a cozy, dreamy quality despite the cold. We exchanged a long, quiet look at each other as I let my mind wander, wishing for another spa date between the two of us.

And then, in the distance, I heard the flapping of bird wings, and turned my head in the direction of the sound. I noticed a solitary magpie flying towards us. He eased into a glide as he approached the treeline, and landed in front of me about six feet away.

“Hello. Um… do you need some help?” I greeted him.

The magpie didn’t answer. He just stared straight at me, cocking his head a little.

“If you’re cold or lost, I can give you a place to stay for a little while.”

The magpie cast a sidelong glance at Rarity before turning his head back at me, eyes blinking.

“Um…” I trailed off, not sure what the magpie wanted. We kept our eyes on each other like this for a while longer. I tried to remember whether I had ever seen him before, but I drew a blank.

The magpie turned towards Rarity for a moment, before taking off into the trees. I tried to see where he had flown off to, but it was already too dark to make out his silhouette in the tree branches.

Rarity drank the last of her hot cocoa, and snapped her mug closed.

“It isn’t the first time, is it?”

“Hmm?” I tilted my head at her. “Um… what do you mean?”

“These magpies are simply everywhere.”

“... Yes.”

My thoughts turned back to the dead magpie in the cherry stand. Without wanting to, I made the connection between him and Rarity, which sent an uncomfortable feeling into my stomach.

“Fluttershy?”

“Yes?”

“Do you… do you think they mean anything?”

“Um… I don’t understand.”

“As in, well… do you know that rhyme about magpies?”

“Um… one for sorrow, two for mirth?”

“Three for death, four for birth, yes.” Rarity nodded. “I just can’t help but wonder if all our encounters with them mean something more.”

“Well, there are lots of birds in this area. A lot of magpies, like you said. I, um. I think it’s just a coincidence…”

“I suppose I do have a way of overthinking about things.” Rarity turned towards the open field. A little ways away, the lights from Golden Harvest’s house formed warm golden squares against the falling snow. “Five for silver, six for gold…”

“Seven for a secret, never to be told.” I finished for her.

Rarity’s expression turned into a somber one.

“Do you believe in heaven, darling?” She asked out of the blue.

“I, um…” I was a little caught off guard. “I… I don’t know.”

“I suppose it’s a secret for all eternity.” Rarity conceded. “Whether there is an ever after after we die.”

“I… I guess so.”

“But don’t we all sincerely hope there is? A chance to set right what once went wrong, to correct all your mistakes and claim all your missed opportunities?”

To be able to do things differently than the first time.

If I could go back now and change the choices I made to get here, would I end up happier?

Or, would I make mistakes all the same, just different ones, because no one can know what the future holds?

Here, lying in this bed, I can only hope the first case is true. But I don’t even know if I will have that chance.

As it was then, I merely nodded at Rarity, because I didn’t know how to answer her.

“Eight for a wish, I suppose.” Rarity offered a thin smile.

I nod again, finishing the rest of my mug.

For a few moments, we were both quiet. I began to think Rarity had fallen into one of her unresponsive states when she suddenly declared,

“Loving Golden Fleece was the best and worst decision of my life.”

I stared at her, not sure how to respond. She looked back at me, meeting my eyes with a steady gaze. After a second, I looked away.

“Nine for a kiss…”

She turned my head with a hoof. Leaning in, she planted a chaste kiss on my forehead.

I blushed. Even though she probably would not have noticed it in the dark, I tried to hide it by pulling my scarf up and leaning into her shoulder.

“Thank you for everything, Fluttershy.”

When we got home, Rarity immediately went back to the drafting table. In the matter of an hour she made the first draft of what would become the final design for Night Coda’s dress. It was mostly black with a skirt that had a hem of maple leaf patterns. Following a rough diagonal line, cottony splotches of white reminiscent of snow flurries marked the boundary of solid white cloth stretching between the hem and the left side of the waist. From the chest and above, starry patterns dotted the black background, with a large eight-pointed star placed near the right shoulder.

With Cloud Burst’s order completed and delivered, we could both focus on this order. A revised version of the design was sent to Night Coda and her publicist, and the reception was very positive. All the materials we needed were already on hoof, so we got down to work the day we received their reply. Rarity and I split the work into two separate workstreams, and switched between them as we found it convenient. Everything was going according to schedule, which made Rarity happy.

Still, as we got closer to finishing the dress, I noticed her getting more and more dispirited. She lost a lot of her usual liveliness, and stopped practicing her martial arts altogether; she didn’t have the energy for it anymore.

Two days before the dress was complete, she started writing letters addressed to each one of the customers she lost in the past months, offering an explanation for her delays and her apologies. She wrote 18 letters like this, and on the day we shipped off Night Coda’s dress, she mailed those letters as well.

Once we got home, she collapsed on the couch.

“I’m so tired, Fluttershy.” Was all she could say.

Her condition started to deteriorate rapidly after that. Her muscle mass wasted away, and fluid accumulations bloated up her belly, leaving her with an appearance I’d only seen before in survivors of terrible famines. Her fugues became longer and longer, and chunks of her memory began to disappear. I accompanied her to all of her medical appointments, and the doctors made house visits whenever possible. Still, it was very difficult to care for her and run an animal clinic at the same time. Fortunately, Sweetie Belle came back to town and was able to help me as Rarity’s condition worsened. The others also visited when they could.

Rarity began to have trouble going to the bathroom. Her doctors put stents in her ureters, and put her on intravenous nutrition. To manage her bloating, they installed a drain in her belly. She never went anywhere without being fully clothed after that.

After consultation, she decided to have palliative surgery so she could eat food again, even if it would only be for a little while. She didn’t seem to care so much about the risks inherent to surgery, and Doctor Daffodil demurred, saying he would respect her decision to take measures to improve her quality of life as long as she was well informed of the risks. Rarity designated me to be her medical decision-maker in case anything went wrong, and gave Sweetie Belle power of attorney to put the rest of her affairs in order. She revised her will, and deposited a copy with the local notary.

The surgery took place at the end of January. Sweetie Belle and I walked with her all the way to the operating room, and on the way, Rarity was lucid and seemed to be in better spirits than before.

“You know, I hear Spike’s coming back to see you.” Sweetie Belle informed her.

“Well, all the more reason to get this work done.” Rarity smiled. “I wish to host all of you for a dinner party once he arrives. A hurrah for life.”

“Looking forward to that, sister.” Sweetie replied. “Heh, remember when he had that crush on you?”

Rarity giggled at the thought, rolling into full-blown laughter for a few seconds before coughs stopped her. If it weren’t for the fact she looked so sallow, I could almost have imagined she wasn’t sick at all.

“... I still have that ruby he gave me, you know.” She said after she recovered.

“I still have the love letters he sent me when we were dating for two years.”

Rarity grinned at that.

“You know, sometimes I wonder what would have been if Spike was older when we first met him, and I took his advances seriously.” She mused.

“He’d have made a great husband. Granted, he wasn’t the one for me.”

“I wonder if he still thinks of us in that way. Regardless, he’ll make someone very happy for the rest of her life one of these days.”

We reached the doors to the operating room.

“Well, dears, it seems you may no longer accompany me.” Rarity spoke as the orderlies kindly stopped her gurney for us. “Wish me luck.”

“You’ll be fine, sis.” Sweetie Belle reassured her, touching her forehoof with her own. I did the same with Rarity’s opposite forehoof, nodding in agreement.

“Thank you. See you soon, dears.”

After that, all we could do was wait.

Half an hour into the procedure, Spike arrived. He’d grown his wings and was almost the size of a brown bear. Everyone in the hallway gave him a wide berth as he clambered up to us, and I felt my heart beating faster from the sight of him. But when he touched his cheek to mine and clutched me close, I began to calm down.

“Hey, Fluttershy.” His voice had grown a lot huskier. “Sorry I couldn’t be here earlier.”

“It’s okay, Spike.” I whispered.

“Hey, Sweetie.” He hugged Sweetie Belle as well. “How’s it going?”

“I’m okay, you big lug. I do wish we were seeing each other in better circumstances, though.”

“Yeah…” Spike let us go, scratching his head. “How long has she been in there?”

“About thirty minutes now.” I told him.

“How long is this supposed to last?”

“About an hour or two more.”

He sat down on his tail next to our bench. “Okay. I’ll wait here with you guys, and we can catch up a little.”

We made small talk as we waited, as more of our friends and family arrived. Rainbow Dash was first, followed closely by Applejack, Apple Bloom, and Big Mac. Pinkie brought Cheese Sandwich, Trixie, and little Gooseberry along. Twilight arrived almost immediately after them.

Spike told us about his job. He said he was working for a bank now, guarding their vault and also doing accounting for them. We all told him about what we’d been doing, in turn. I filled him in about Rarity and how she had been since she came back.

“What about that Golden Fleece guy? Is she still married to him?”

“I… I don’t know. She never told us anything about him since she came back, and I never asked…”

“Did he divorce her or something? Because if that's the case, he doesn’t know what he missed out on.”

“If he did, I’ve half a mind to beat the tar out of him.” Applejack interjected. “It’s ‘cause of him that me and Rarity done had that argument to begin with. The least he could’ve done is stick around for somebody who stood up for him.”

“You mean that argument Twilight told me about, before Rarity left town?” Spike asked.

“Yeah, not our proudest moment.” Rainbow commented. “Good thing that’s all behind us now.”

We kept chatting, and waiting.

At the two-hour mark, the attending surgeon came out of the operating room. We all gathered around him to hear his news.

“The procedure itself went without a hitch.” He informed us. “Ms. Rarity hasn’t yet woken up from general anesthesia, but that should wear off in a few hours.”

The nurses wheeled her gurney out of the room. We cleared the way, letting them turn aside. The surgeon walked after them, beckoning us to follow.

“We’ll be taking her to the ward for observation.” He continued. “But I’m afraid we can’t accommodate this many visitors at once for extended periods in the ward. There is a visitor’s center on the premises, so please feel free to use those facilities.”

“Thank you.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Any urgent questions or concerns?”

I shake my head.

“Okay. If you have any questions later, you can direct them to the attending physician in the ward. They have been apprised of Ms. Rarity’s condition.”

He turned around, going back the way he came.

The post-op wardroom had three beds. The one on the right was empty, and the one in the center was occupied by a unicorn stallion covered in bandages from head to chest. The nurses placed Rarity in the bed on the left, and left us alone.

As the surgeon had said, there was very little room for visitors. Spike in particular seemed to be having trouble settling into a comfortable space, and there weren’t enough places for us to sit. Rainbow was adamant that she would stay until Rarity woke up. Sweetie Belle likewise expressed her desire to stay. At that point, I decided I had to stay, too, because I would have to take responsibility for deciding what to do if Rarity needed further treatment before waking. With only one chair left, the rest of us decided to have one more pony stay until Rarity woke, at which point he or she would go tell the others. Apple Bloom volunteered, and the four of us settled down.

After the first hour, Pinkie, Cheese, and Trixie all had to leave because of little Gooseberry. Big Mac returned to the farm to attend to the rest of the day’s work, and Twilight had to excuse herself as well, leaving six of us behind. Spike sat himself down in the hallway outside the ward, and Applejack came with him, checking inside the ward every once in a while.

One hour became two, then three. Nobody said anything about it, but we were all starting to get worried. The nurse making the rounds must have noticed it, too, because the doctor on attendance came to us. Spike and Applejack both followed her inside.

“Is this supposed to be happening? She still isn’t awake yet.” Sweetie Belle asked.

“The anesthesia process can sometimes induce this kind of condition, and given Ms. Rarity’s physical state, the likelihood of such a thing happening is higher.” The doctor replied. “Her vitals have held steady since the operation concluded, so I don’t think we’ve had any major complications.”

“How long will she be asleep?” Spike inquired.

“I’d like to give you a concrete answer, but I don’t know. It might be soon, or it might be a few more hours. At this point, I can’t really be sure.”

“Oh.” Spike shrunk down. A glum mood settled on the rest of us.

“For now, we should wait until morning to see what happens. She’ll likely be awake by then, and if she’s not, we can start exploring other options.”

Rarity never woke back up.

We waited and waited next to her bed, like how Rainbow Dash is keeping vigil next to mine right now. But she never came back to.

She lingered on for a few more weeks, before succumbing to organ failure.

It’s 11 at night, and I can’t sleep.

Rainbow Dash is curled up at the foot of the bed, her head resting on a pillow laid on top of Tank. The blinds are half-open, and moonlight pours down onto my lap through the window. Outside, above the rooftops, the stars twinkle in the clear night sky, like they always do.

My time is short, and everyone knows that. But thinking about Rarity brings back all the uncertainties I never quite answered for myself about death, and what lies beyond. I’m kept awake because I want answers, even though I know I shouldn’t be expecting to find any.

I don’t want to live forever, but I am afraid to die.

I don’t want to sleep, because I’m afraid I could slip away any time.

I’m not afraid of death. Death can be a kindness. Death was kind to Rarity when he took her, relieved her from the suffering of her disease. Without death, Rarity would still be wasting away, lingering on in pain. He was kind to Aunt Peony, taking away the pain of her aching bones and the loss of her children. Death hurt me when he took Aunt Peony, my parents, Rarity… but he will be kind when he relieves me of those pains.

But what comes after death?

Will there be an ever after, where we can find the happiness we couldn’t find in life?

Will we be born in another time and place, given another opportunity to make things right, to begin again with a clean slate?

Will there be nothing?

I do not know, and I do not know anything or anyone who might help me with that kind of knowledge. But I still want to know before I die, and because I do not know, I am afraid.

I know I’m not the bravest of ponies. I’m convinced that if Rainbow Dash died and found that what came after was not to her liking, she would make her own ever after as she wanted it to be, no matter how long it took and no matter the effort she would have to put in. I didn’t even have the courage to tell Rarity about how I felt before it was too late.

Among The Mourners Who Mourn

In her will, Rarity had given most of her estate to either Sweetie Belle or charitable causes. To my surprise, though, she also left a small portion to me, including all of her belongings that were still in my house. I offered her personal effects to Sweetie Belle, but she refused, saying she wanted to honor the letter of the will. I told her she was welcome to claim the items at any time in the future if she wanted, but she never took up my offer.

Rarity’s funeral was in March.

Sweetie Belle hired the best mortician in town, so that Rarity would look more like how we wanted to remember her. Open Casket did his best, filling out her face and restoring her complexion with both physical enhancers and spellwork, but Rarity still didn’t look as natural as we hoped she would. Sweetie Belle lost her temper at him, calling him a mussel-headed incompetent, before breaking down in tears.

I assured her that he did the best he could, and as distressing as everything must have been for her, we couldn’t avoid the fact that a dead pony would look unnatural.

“... ‘S not fair…”

“I know, Sweetie. I’m sorry.”

Open Casket stood aside as I let Sweetie Belle cry into my chest, offering a box of tissues. When Sweetie regained her composure, he took a step forward, meeting her eyes with his own.

“I apologize for the limits of my skills, Miss Belle.” He spoke with firm compassion.

“No… that’s okay. I shouldn’t have blown up at you like that.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss.”

Sweetie hugged him briefly.

“Thank you for your work.” She told him.

Coco Pommel made a burial dress for Rarity free of charge. She said it was for all the times Rarity helped her, from getting her footing in the business to giving her the chance to expand her brand here in Ponyville. It was a dark blue, long-sleeved affair, with a beige ribbon around the waist and patterns woven out of pearls around the neckline. The fire ruby necklace Rarity had fitted with the stone Spike gave her all those years ago completed the ensemble.

Roseluck gave us a large clutch of preserved white roses at a reduced price, which we used to line Rarity’s coffin. She added a bouquet for us at no extra cost. The coffin itself was made out of red oak, polished and varnished to a waxy sheen. Rarity’s staff at Canterlot Carousel donated the money to pay for it. There were also donations from her colleagues and employees from Los Pegasus to Baltimare, which paid for the grave marker and covered part of the cost of the burial plot.

We made a bed of roses over the cushions furnished with the coffin, and laid Rarity’s body inside, bouquet in hoof over her chest. If it weren’t for the fact she was dead, I’d almost have said she looked peaceful. But she was far too still; I kept thinking that, any minute now, her hooves would twitch and her eyelids would flutter, and she would sit up as if she was waking from a long sleep, even if I knew that would never happen.

She looked like a princess from one of those fairytales she liked when we were both younger. But no prince charming would have a kiss powerful enough to revive her.

It was a beautiful day in early spring, when the newly-sprouted leaves still had a tenderness to their color. We gathered at the grassy clearing next to the cherry stand, where the flowers were in full bloom. Petals fell all around us in the gentle breeze, dotting Rarity’s body and the cloth of her dress.

Ponies from all over Equestria came to attend. Apart from Twilight, Spike, Pinkie, Rainbow, Applejack, and myself, there were of course our families and close friends. Cheese Sandwich and Trixie sat next to Pinkie, little Gooseberry sleeping in Cheese’s lap. Scootaloo managed to secure her leave from the Wonderbolts at the last minute, and joined Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in her dress uniform. Big Mac sat behind Applejack, together with Cheerilee and their Trottingham relatives--Allington Pippin, Bardsey Red, Blenheim Orange, and Kingston Black--who were living with them. Shining Armor came in his dress uniform, too, with Princess Cadence and their daughter. As for the rest of Rarity’s family, two aunts none of us except Sweetie Belle had ever met were the only attendees. Golden Fleece and his family were conspicuous in their absence; Sweetie Belle had once told me she’d heard Rarity say Golden Fleece was a bit of an outcast from his family, though she couldn’t be sure if that was really the case.

Then there were Rarity’s colleagues, coworkers, and longtime patrons. There were fashion critics, like Hoity Toity, Purple Velvet, and Dainty Stride. There were fellow designers, like Argent Grace, Gold Lamé, and Coco Pommel. There were Rarity’s staff members, like Sassy Saddles and Waxed Thread. There were even textile manufacturers like Flying Shuttle and Steam Weaver. Sapphire Shores, long retired from her singing career, made an appearance; it was a bit of a surprise seeing her in an understated black dress after having known her over-the-top stage presence for so long, but there she was, in mourning colors and dark shades. Coloratura was there, too, briefly greeting us before taking a place behind Big Mac. Another surprising appearance was from Cloud Burst, wearing a suit with a bolo tie around his neck and a black ten-gallon hat. He brought with him a wreath sent from Night Coda, who was on the overseas portion of her tour. He himself was set to perform in town that night. He said he’d heard about what Rarity was going through from the friend who’d referred him to her for getting his stage costume made, and let Night Coda, a longtime acquaintance, know about it. Night Coda wanted to send a thank-you gift, but by the time he called ahead to ask where he should drop it off when he arrived in town, Rarity had already passed. He’d traded in Night Coda’s gift for a floral arrangement in her name, and wanted to leave it with the funeral home. When he found out the funeral was that very day, though, he decided that it would be appropriate for him to pay his own respects as well. He was a lot more subdued than I expected him to be.

Several other floral contributions were commissioned to Roseluck, Lily, and Daisy’s shops by ponies who could not be present. There was even a rock arrangement from Pinkie’s sisters--three geodes with aquamarine quartz inside, arranged to form a shape reminiscent of Rarity’s cutie mark. Roseluck herself added a blue rose to the bouquet arrangement on Rarity’s chest.

When everyone had settled into their seats, Sweetie Belle stood up and walked to the microphone stand in front of the crowd.

“I’d like to thank everyone for coming here today, for my sister Rarity’s funeral.” She began. “I’m sure she meant a lot to each and every one of you, and I’m glad she had such positive effects on such a large group of ponies, dragons, mules, and griffons. We may not know each other well, but I’m sure every one of us will always remember Rarity, her courtesy, her vision, and her generosity.

“For me, Rarity was always someone to aspire towards, whether out of admiration or envy. I remember when I was a foal and wanted to be just as beautiful and popular as she was; at times, I resented her because she always attracted more attention than I ever could. Still, she was always looking out for me, even if she didn’t always understand how different our interests could be.

“As I got older, I started paying attention to all the things beneath the surface that made Rarity the center of attention, because I gradually understood that appearance alone would never explain it. The more I observed, the more I noticed how cordially and respectfully she treated everyone, how freely she gave of her time and materials if someone else was in need. I also saw how dedicated she was to mastering her chosen field of expertise, and saw all of these things in our parents, too, even if they were dedicated to different skills and crafts. What I saw inspired me to be more courteous and more driven in discovering and honing my own talents, and I’m thankful to Rarity and my parents for that.

“In some ways, though, Rarity was always a mystery to me. A lot of the time she tended to exaggerate her emotions, but there were times when she would get really quiet instead. I’ve wondered now and again what was going through her mind in those moments. At other times I’ve wondered about the nuances of her creative process, maybe how it compared to mine. What inspirational sparks she was looking for.

“In life, we often encounter things that are profound to us, but explaining why they’re profound to someone else often means the magic of it is lost. I guess her dresses were her attempts at capturing the magic, kind of like my songs. But even then, it’s an imperfect translation. I’ll never know what her original spark of inspiration felt like. And what’s even worse now is that there won’t be any translations anymore, either.

“I’ll miss you, Rarity.”

Each one of the remaining six of us were supposed to give a speech as well. Twilight took the stage first, and recited two poems about how the golden hours of morning and evening never last as long as you want them to. There was a long pause afterwards as she blinked a few times, then squeezed her eyes closed for a few seconds to gather herself.

“... Right now, I feel like I only got to spend the morning and evening with Rarity. They were beautiful moments, yes, but I wish… I wish we’d had more time.”

As she walked back to her seat, I saw her wiping at the corners of her eyes.

Rainbow Dash started hers by recounting the story of how she saved Rarity at her first Best Young Fliers competition, and the time when Rarity had been kidnapped by a band of diamond dogs, before mentioning the time when Rarity saved her in turn and helped exonerate her of the charge of sabotaging the Wonderbolts.

“You were always the clever one, Rares, and a lot tougher than I expected you to be. But what the hell have you gotten yourself into this time, Rares? How in the world will we help each other now?”

A bitter expression crossed her face, and she stomped the ground.

“This wasn’t meant to happen, Rares! There were supposed to be more adventures in store for us, for all of us! Why did it have to be now?”

She let off an angry growl before returning to her seat, rocking back and forth.

Applejack removed her hat as she stood before all of us. She turned her eyes to Rainbow Dash, then Twilight, before sweeping them all over the crowd.

“Ya know, I tried to live my life with no regrets.” She sighed. “But the longer I live, the more I’m findin’ that doing that gets mighty difficult.”

She paused, scrunching up her face.

“Most of y’all probably already know Rarity spent a long time away from this here town. But some of y’all--heck, most of y’all--probably don’t know the real reason why.”

She snorted, sitting down on the grass.

“We all know life can make folk grow apart, and maybe that’s what you think made Rarity move away. Maybe, in a way, that was what happened. But I can’t say I wasn’t responsible for it. See, me and Rarity, we had a fight before she left. She and someone she cared about a lot proposed to build a wool factory on a parcel of land on Sweet Apple Acres we’d left growing wild for years. I refused because my dear departed Granny Smith had wanted to expand back into that patch and start growing on it again. We were both drunk, and in the heat of the moment, I forced Rarity and her lover to leave my house. Into the pouring rain, at that. I never saw her again for many years.

“Now, you all know we Apples care about the land we till. But what I did was inhospitable and dishonorable. We could’ve at least talked it out, worked out some kind of alternative. Instead, I drove a wedge between Rarity and me--and all the rest of us, because of my pride.

“Long ago, I learned a lesson about how there ain’t no place like home. And it’s all true. But sometimes, I don’t put enough thought into what makes a home. There’s more to it than the land you till and build on, ‘cause home ain’t nothin’ without folk you care about--whether that’s family, or friends. I’m ashamed to say my stubborn self needs to learn and relearn that lesson over and over again.

“So, for you, Rarity, and for everyone gathered here today--I’m sorry.”

She put her hat back on, and returned to her seat.

Pinkie Pie looked a lot more subdued than usual; her mane was deflated and almost straight, and her usual smile was a ghost of itself. She tucked her hair behind her ears as she took a deep breath, then began her speech.

“You know, out of all my closest friends, I got to know Rarity the least. I was always a little more energetic than she was, and I did annoy her now and again. But hey, it was all in good fun. I feel like she knew that, too.

“Maybe it was because of that that I knew how to cheer up Rarity the least. Especially since she came back. I know she’s been through a lot of sad things just by the way she’d act sometimes, but she never told me about them. And as much as I tried to keep her mind off of those things, I get the feeling I wasn’t always successful.”

She paused, taking another deep breath.

“Wherever you are, Rarity, I hope you won’t have to feel sad anymore.”

It was my turn. I stood up, walking slowly towards the microphone stand.

I was very glad I was wearing a veil as I surveyed the crowd. It felt like everyone’s eyes were on me.

“Um…”

I trailed off into an expectant silence, forgetting everything I thought I wanted to say.

Everything in the crowd was more noticeable from where I was standing. Twilight had tear streaks running down her face, and she was sniffling. Applejack had a hoof on her shoulder, her eyes obscured by her hat. Rainbow Dash had settled back down, but her harsh expression had not changed. Pinkie Pie was staring into her lap, fidgeting with her feet.

Behind them, Cheerilee had collapsed into Big Mac’s chest, shuddering with every sob. Big Mac patted her gently on her back to comfort her. Elsewhere, Sassy Saddles had broken down, too, and was crying into Coco Pommel’s shoulder. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were huddled together with Sweetie Belle. Sapphire Shores and Waxed Thread both looked morose, staring in my direction but looking through me.

Scenes like these repeated themselves all throughout the crowd. Far in the back, ponies I didn’t even recognize were weeping into kerchiefs.

“I… I...”

What could I have told them? That I loved Rarity, that she meant the world to me? That losing her felt like losing a leg or a wing? That I wished she could have loved me back with all of her heart?

“I… I don’t… I don’t know what I can say. I’m sorry.”

No. I couldn’t have. Because Rarity wasn’t mine alone to claim.

Sapphire Shores and Waxed Thread continued to stare in my direction, along with much of the rest of the audience. I sat back down, wishing I could have said at least some words of platitude.

Spike said nothing at all. He just placed a teardrop-shaped sapphire brooch on Rarity’s chest before sitting back down.

We all lined up to pay our respects. When it came to my turn, I placed a hoof on her chest, almost like I was anticipating her heart to still be beating. But as before, she was cold and still.

Many of the rest of the attendees left flowers, notes, or other small items in the coffin like Spike had done. When it was over, we carried the coffin to the cemetery, and laid Rarity’s body down.

When I first got home after the ceremony, I was totally exhausted. It wasn’t until the next day that I found the resolve to tidy up the guest bedroom and put Rarity’s belongings away. There were still several rough and unfinished drawings on her table, laid over each other haphazardly. It was when I was tidying these drawings up that I found her letter, folded neat and precise into an envelope marked “To Fluttershy” on the front.

Dearest Fluttershy,

I suppose since I’m already writing letters of apology for my customers, I should also write this letter to you. I feel that you deserve an explanation and an apology from me as well, so that you can understand why I cannot give you your heart’s desire.

Even after all these years, and despite the fact that we were never able to start a family like we both wanted, my heart still belongs to Golden Fleece. Though circumstances have parted us prematurely, I still think of him every day. Some days… are harder than others, but happy or sad, I will cherish every moment I spent with him for the rest of my admittedly short time left.

Golden Fleece hasn’t had an easy life. He and his family had a falling-out over his choice of career and he’s been estranged from them ever since. The first love of his life who he’d met soon afterwards when he had little except daydreams and ambitions eventually cheated on him with an acquaintance of his. For a while after, he had a difficult time settling down anywhere, and was on the verge of homelessness more than once. He’s never wanted me to feel sorry for him about all of this--he said he doesn’t mind the experience since it showed him how to stand on his own feet and never rely too much on anyone else to succeed. But it only strengthened my resolve to be there for him as a stable anchoring point.

He has done the same for me, as well; in that period of time when I first received my diagnosis, when I was still estranged from Ponyville, he stuck by my side and guided me through those rough waters. I swore to myself to never abandon him because of it. I’m still holding true to that promise in many ways, even though perhaps it would be foolish to hold true to them now. Love makes fools of all of us, I suppose.

So, as foolish as it may be, I’m still committed to Golden Fleece and his memory. I think I’ve become set in my ways in that regard, so I fear I cannot offer you the love and devotion you deserve. What little I have offered you feels like a mockery, as if I’m merely stringing you along. I wish I could give you more, give you everything I have, but even my everything, I fear, would be too little.

Don’t think for a moment that I do not reciprocate your feelings. You are the most compassionate, pure-hearted pony I know, and you are wiser and more courageous than even you may realize. It makes my chest feel tight just thinking that despite everything, you still treat me with a kindness I don’t think I wholly deserve.

Thank you, Fluttershy. For everything.

I implore you, darling, to find someone who can love you back properly. Please do not make the mistake I made of loving a shadow. You deserve to be happy, darling.

Maybe, on some long distant day after I’m gone, we will meet again in a different form, and have a chance to make things right.

Yours truly,

Rarity

After re-reading the letter for the first time in a long time, I replace it in the same envelope Rarity had put it in all those years ago. I brought it with me when I first came here, and it’s never left my bedside since. I’m glad none of the others have asked anything about it, at least not yet.

Despite Rarity’s wishes and my best efforts, I still repeated her mistakes. I never found anyone else after she died. There was no one else who could spark that part of me. There never would be.

“Oh, Rarity.” I whisper to no one in particular. “How could I have loved anyone but you?”

I lie back down and close my eyes. Maybe, just maybe, I will meet Rarity on the other side.

The world is bright and blurry. I feel like I’m floating on a cloud in a gentle breeze. I can hear muffled talking, and can make out a white-coated pony standing vaguely near me, her curly mane cascading down the back of her neck.

“Rarity…?” I call out.

“Oh good, she’s awake…” I hear someone say.

My eyes begin to adjust, and the world becomes clearer. I am still in my hospice bed.

The white-coated pony bears a strong resemblance to Rarity, but the color and style of her mane is different.

Sweetie Belle turns around to face me. “Good morning, Fluttershy.”

The older she gets, the more I think she looks like Rarity.

“Good morning.”

“How have you been, Fluttershy? Sorry I couldn’t visit you earlier.”

Sweetie Belle is still going strong in her career. She’s become quite the mentor figure to a lot of younger artists, too, so I can understand why she might not have much time.

“Oh, just… I’m doing well, I suppose.”

“She’s been doing more or less okay.” Rainbow adds. “We’ve talked a bit about the past over these last few days. Granted, she hasn’t done much of the talking.”

“Reminiscing about the good times?” Sweetie Belle asks both of us.

“Yeah… mostly.” Rainbow answers.

“Well, I know the past isn’t all roses and posies, but there’s a lot to be cheerful about.”

“I suppose so.” I respond, looking absently out of the window.

The day is as clear as it was last night, and the sky is piercing blue. On a nearby rooftop, I notice a pair of magpies hopping around each other, chittering at one another over the gutter. My eyes track their movements as they dance up the slope to the widow’s walk, then up into the air as they weave in and out of each other’s path.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Sweetie Belle chimes in.

“Yes… would you mind opening the windows for me?”

“Not at all.”

Cool fresh air rushes into the room, along with the gentle hubbub of the town outside. The two magpies have gone out of sight, but I can still hear them. They sound like a young couple still testing the waters of their relationship, enjoying the simple pleasure of each other’s company. There is a light, carefree tone to their voices.

I let out a long sigh. It really was a beautiful day today.

“They sound so happy.”

“Hm?” Sweetie Belle turns towards me.

“Those magpies, I mean.”

“They do sound like they’re enjoying themselves.”

Memories of other magpies come rushing back at me, memories of different seasons and different years, all spent with Rarity.

One for sorrow, two for mirth.

“Here’s to hoping they share a wonderful life together.”

“Hmm?” Sweetie Belle cocks her head.

“They’re a couple.” I explain.

“Oh, I see.” Sweetie nods. “Do they mate for life?”

“Not always, but very often.”

We continue to listen. Rainbow Dash keens her ears, too, looking out of the window.

Three for death, four for birth.

“Sweetie Belle?”

“Yes?”

“Have you… ever wondered about whether if seeing magpies would really predict the future?”

“Like in that nursery rhyme?”

“Yes.”

“Um… not too often. Why do you ask?”

“Because… well, because Rarity asked me the same thing a few months before she passed away.”

A quizzical look enters Sweetie Belle’s eyes as she looks at me, intrigued by the information.

Five for silver, six for gold.

“Why did she ask that?” Sweetie inquires.

“I-I’m not sure.” I answer. “But it might have had something to do with her condition, how she didn’t have much time left. We saw two magpies--one alive, one dead--a few months before that, and we saw a single magpie that day when we went out for a walk.”

“Hmm.”

“She also asked me about whether I believed in an afterlife.” I continue.

Sweetie Belle goes quiet for a moment, before asking the natural question. “Do you believe in an afterlife?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Okay.” Sweetie Belle nods. “How did you answer her question just then?”

‘I-I told her I didn’t know.”

“Okay. Did she tell you anything about what she believed?”

“Well, um… she said we would never know for sure, but we all still hope there is an afterlife.”

Sweetie Belle takes another pause.

“Personally, I do hope so, too.” She comments.

Seven for a secret, never to be told.

“Sweetie Belle?”

“Yes, Fluttershy?”

“I… I have a confession to make.”

Rainbow Dash turns her attention back to us at this revelation, looking at me expectantly.

“Uh… should I be here for this, or do you want me to leave for a bit?”

I think about it for a moment, whether I’m ready to tell her.

“Um, you can stay.”

Rainbow Dash gets closer to the bed. Sweetie Belle leans in, speaking almost in a whisper.

“What is it?”

“It’s… it’s in that envelope.” I gesture at Rarity’s letter.

Sweetie Belle picks up the envelope to examine it. She seems to recognize Rarity’s writing immediately, and pulls the letter out. Unfolding it, she begins reading. Now and again, she stares into the page for a moment, trying to absorb all of the implications of the words set before her.

“What does it say?” Rainbow asks. Sweetie pauses, before passing the letter to her.

“Dearest Fluttershy, I suppose since I’m already writing letters of apology for my customers, I should also write this letter to you…” Rainbow begins mumbling along to the contents of the letter. Sweetie waits for her to finish with a kindhearted expression on her face, before asking me,

“... Were you in love with my sister?”

“Yes.” I answer. “I still am.”

Rainbow contorts her face through several expressions, before settling for knitted eyebrows.

“Man, I wish Rarity was still around.”

Eight for a wish, nine for a kiss.

“So all of these years, you’ve never found anyone else?” Sweetie Belle asks.

“No.”

“You’ve never stopped mourning her, for all this time?” Rainbow Dash’s concern is audible in her voice.

“I mean, I’ve come to terms with the fact that she’s gone.” I try to reassure her. “I just… never found that spark again with anyone else.”

Rainbow and Sweetie share a glance, before looking back at me.

“Were you… were you ever unhappy?” Sweetie asks.

“No! I mean, um… there were times when I would miss her, yes, but because of friends like you, I wasn’t lonely. I wasn’t lonely at all.”

Sweetie Belle walks closer, and hugs me without a word. Rainbow goes to the other side of the bed and does the same.

“But still, wouldn’t things have been much better, if Rarity was there with you all this time?” Rainbow blurts out after they both let me go.

“... Yes.” I nod. “But what happened happened, and I still lived a good life.”

Sweetie Belle leans in. Turning my head towards her, she kisses me on my forehead.

“I’m sorry.” I hear her whisper.

Ten for a life you cannot miss.

When We Meet In That Spirit Land

It is night.

Rainbow Dash is asleep, and Sweetie Belle has left. The moon has just risen above the roofline, and it looks larger and clearer than normal. I am still awake, though it is more because of reminiscences than any fear that I will never wake up.

A strange presence seems to fill the room. I feel my heart beating faster for a moment before recognition begins to dawn on me. Just then, the presence begins gathering into one place, coalescing into a physical form at the foot of my bed.

He is mismatched all up and down his contorted, elongated body. But despite his strange appearance, he is very familiar to me.

“Good evening. Fluttershy.”

“Hello, Discord.” I smile. “Thank you for visiting.”

“You’re most welcome, dear. But you must excuse me for not having come earlier.”

“That’s all right. I’m glad you’re here.”

Discord slinks up beside me. “Though perhaps that is beside the point. Why is a mare like you still awake at this hour?”

“Oh, just… reminiscing about things.”

In one smooth motion, Discord takes the letter from my nightstand. “Might it have something to do with this, hmm?”

I almost want to reach out to take the letter back, but I keep my composure.

“Discord, that’s…”

“Nonono, don’t tell me.” He holds the envelope against his forehead, eyes closed. Mumbling faint nonsense for a few seconds, he snaps his eyes open. “It’s about… Rarity!”

My eyes go wide. “Discord, how did you—”

“I’ve more ways of knowing than a pony, dear Fluttershy.” He winked at me. “No worries, for your secret is safe with me.”

I am more flustered at my own embarrassment than anything else. Though he’s become much more mellow, Discord is still a trickster.

“How… how long have you known?”

“Very. In fact, it didn’t take me more than a year to figure out for myself.”

I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “... Thank you for keeping my secret.”

“Think nothing of it, dear. Though I honestly believe there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Thinking of love as a possessive thing is a silly notion; being intangible, there should be no limits for love. I’ve even heard some say love is never wrong.”

“Do you think so?”

“Well, I’m not here to debate the nature of love with you. But it is an idea worth thinking about.”

“Mm.”

I lie back down, contemplating Discord’s words. Silence settles on the room, interrupted only by Rainbow Dash’s soft snoring.

“Well, I shan’t interrupt your meditation on love, life, and the nature of the universe.” Discord announces after several minutes. “I’m glad I’ve had a chance to see you, uninterrupted. I may or may not return in the near future, so until then, ciao, Fluttershy.”

“Discord, wait!” I call out, making him turn around back to me.

“Yes?” He smiles his usual smile.

If anyone would know things living creatures would not know, it would be Discord.

“I have a question…”

“Ask away, Fluttershy dear.”

“... Is there an afterlife?”

Discord grows very still. His smile fades away, replaced with a rare look of earnest sincerity.

“Oh, Fluttershy.” He intones. “I’m afraid that knowledge is beyond even me.”

“... Why?”

“While I’m not alive in a way that you would understand the concept, I am alive. I’m not dead, and have never died. In fact, I don’t think I would die in a way as you understand it, either. I’ve never crossed that boundary, and what lies beyond is a mystery to all of us.”

“Oh.” I sigh, trying not to let my disappointment show.

We are both quiet, and a somber mood fills the air between us.

“You shouldn’t lose hope, Fluttershy.” Discord places his paw on my shoulder. “If any of the common myths about death is true, death will never wrong you when your time comes. And as you know, even myths and legends always have a core of truth to them.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m inclined to believe he will treat you just as kindly as you tended to the sick and dying in your life.”

“Thank you. Do you… do you think I will have a chance to meet Rarity again?”

“I don’t know if you will.” Discord looks into my eyes. “But I believe you will.”

Looking into Discord’s eyes, I feel a serene calm wash over me. I begin to feel like I can believe it as well.

Will I meet Rarity on the other side, and would we have a chance to make things right, do right by her, me, Golden Fleece, everyone? I do not know, but there’s only one way to find out.

“Thank you, Discord. I think I’m ready to sleep now.”

He lets me go. “Good night, Fluttershy.”

“Good night, Discord.”

With a smile, Discord waves goodbye, dissipating into thin air and leaving behind only the night sky in the window. With one last look at where he was standing, I close my eyes.