I Caused This...

by SpiritOfDancingFlames

Rating: teen
Tags: DJ P0N-3, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad
Length: 8505

Vinyl Scratch was once a soldier... and sometimes, she has flashbacks. But none have ever been worse than this...

Vinyl Scratch was once a soldier... and sometimes, she has flashbacks.
But none have ever been worse than this...

I got this idea while reading The Lone DJ by The Daring Cookie. It would not let me ignore it.

Published 2016-04-06 04:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-18 05:06:03 UTC

I Caused This

Why the hay did I let myself get so drunk? I wondered to myself, staggering home after a long night at the bar. I could barely see straight, objects and colors blurred together, and there was a light pounding in my head that I knew was gonna get worse. I stared at my hooves as I picked my way down the dark streets; the white of my own coat was the only thing that I could marginally keep in focus.

I had a hard time figuring out what street was which, I hoped I was on the right track. The street signs were difficult to see in the darkness anyway, but in my inebriated state, they were impossible to read. I groaned. Octy’s gonna let me have it when I finally get home… A sudden pain in my head made me stop short, wincing and waiting for it to fade.

…Wait. Why was I out here again?

Disoriented, I tried to get my bearings, but it was too dark to see anything. Where was I? What was going on? How did I get here? Panic rose in me, along with a fair amount of bile. I tried my best to not throw up. Why was I so nauseous? I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like that. Wait, did I? Hold on…

My eyes snapped wide open as I realized where I was. I was on the battlefield. Sure enough, the darkness cleared somewhat, revealing a scene I never wanted to be in, yet couldn’t avoid. Blood tainted the dusty, desolate ground, puddles of crimson surrounding fallen ponies. I realized in horror that I was holding a gun with my magic, the barrel leaking a few last wisps of smoke. It’d just been used… I looked at the still-twitching corpses around me.

No… No!

I was a murderer. My hooves would never come clean. Never. I would have bloodstains there for eternity…

The draft chose me when we went to war, I didn’t have a choice one way or another. They sent me to learn how to kill, then gave me a gun and put me on the front lines. I didn’t want to kill anyone, but when the enemy showed up, they had no such qualms about using their guns. I had to act to keep myself alive.

But the corpses around me… yes, they had guns. Yes, they were the enemy. And, yes, they would have killed me had I not killed them.

…And yet not a single one of them looked a day older than eight years old.

War was brutal, I knew that. But this… these corpses, these foals, this was wrong. And I was the one that ended their lives.

My magic fizzled out, the gun clattered to the ground. I stared at one colt whose eyes were open and glassy. They were beyond bloodshot, glazed over. Empty. Horror gripped me as I realized they’d been hopped up on high doses of drugs before they were sent out here.

I sensed someone coming at me at a high rate of speed, and I whirled around. A dark grey pony with the trademark mask of the enemy was coming straight for me. I quickly shot off a bolt of magic, hitting the Earth Pony’s gun and knocking it to the side. I had no time to grab my own; I reared back and slammed my hooves forward to grapple with my foe. I slugged them in the face with my hooves, fighting as hard as I could. But Earth Ponies are stronger, and I was forced back. Panicking for my life, I activated a spell I’d made sure to master before I came out to this Celestia-forsaken wasteland.

Time slowed to a crawl. I moved as fast as I could, taking down the foe as efficiently as I could. The spell only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to get an advantage. I pinned the pony to the ground, then slammed my hooves into them, over and over, trying to end them before they regained their strength and ended me.

My hooves dug into the tender skin of their face. Dark bruises appeared as I broke blood vessels, and I thought I heard a cracking sound from an especially hard blow to the nose. I had to keep going. I was the weaker, I had to keep going or they would overwhelm me, I had to-

A stray punch tugged at the cloth that masked the pony on the ground below me. It fell away, and my hoof stopped dead in midair as I saw their face for the first time.

“…Octavia?!”

My head suddenly flared with pain and I held my head, falling on my side. When I opened my eyes, the battlefield was gone. The corpses were gone.

Octavia was not.

That beautiful, wonderful mare, the best thing that ever happened to me, was lying on the ground. Blood pooled around her, dripping slowly from various cuts and wounds. I stared in horror as she looked straight at me, one eye swollen shut.

“…Vinyl…” she rasped, barely more than a whisper. I couldn’t respond, couldn’t move. The horror of what I had done anchored me to that spot like my hooves were nailed to the ground.

“…Why?” she sobbed, barely able to speak, her lips bleeding and cracked.

Revulsion overtook my shock, and bile rose up in me. I had to turn to the side for a few moments. My mouth and nose stung as the acidic stuff came out, my stomach heaving until there was nothing left.

I spit what I could out, then I forced myself to take action. “Help!” I screamed. “Somepony, please, help!”

I must have been near some kind of house, because lights flicked on, and a door burst open. “What’s going on?” a stallion asked, his horn lighting up the darkness. He stopped short in shock as he saw Octavia. “What- What happened?”

I couldn’t answer that. I couldn’t. “Please, you’ve got to help her! Please, help!” I begged, tears running down my face.

Looking at me, both frightened and wary, he nodded sharply, then encased Octavia in an amber-colored glow. He sprinted off in the direction of Canterlot General.

I watched him go, but I couldn’t bring myself to follow. How could I? I caused this, I thought.

I lay on the ground, weeping into my hooves. The cold night air surrounded me, but I paid it no mind.

The nightmares of my past had come to destroy my present.

Author's Note

I got this idea in the middle of the night (well, morning, ish. 2:30-3 AM) and it just kind of sat there and yelled at me until I wrote it. I'mma see if I can get some better art commissioned for it.

It's Just a Scratch

I sat in the hospital waiting room, feeling worse than I had ever felt before. And I wasn’t talking about the hangover that was rampaging through my skull.

I’d never told Octavia that I’d been in the war. Hay, I even lied about how old I was so that she thought I was too young to have been in it…

I couldn’t sit still for long, I paced back and forth, trying to think of something, anything to fix the situation. A thought popped into my head, and I hesitated. Should I…should I tell her? Maybe, if I told her, she’d be able to someday forgive me… if she lived, that is. I sat down heavily and sighed. She was in surgery now, and the doctors told me they were in for a long night. Maybe even through the day if it was too bad.

I looked down at my hooves in shame. I could still see the blood on my hooves. It wasn’t physically there, nopony else could see it, but I could. I’d tried to scrub it off, but no amount of hot water and soap made any difference, no magic took any of it off.

I wasn’t too surprised. I’d had blood on my hooves ever since that day… that horrible, horrible day…

Heartbeat. Heartbeat. Heartbeat. Fast, too fast. Adrenaline. Enemy? Where? Gotta kill. Gotta kill or be killed. Don’t want to be killed. Gotta kill. Gotta-

Gunfire. Where? No, hide. Hidden. Now where? Found. Gotta kill. Aim, trigger, pull. Fire. Bullets. Enemy? Killed. Safe. No. More enemies. Gotta kill or be killed. Wait.

A moment of clarity. My animalistic trance is broken. What are these corpses? No… Oh, no, please let this be a dream. These are foals! Foals with guns! What kind of…

I killed them. Enemies or not, these are foals… and I killed them… what have I done? No, no, no, that’s blood. There’s blood. Why is there blood? All over my hooves… It won’t wipe off. Why isn’t it coming off?

They’ve found me. I stayed put too long. Those young eyes, staring directly into mine, yet so clouded… Those eyes will kill me without hesitation-

Gunfire. Dodge to the side. Instincts, reaction. Stay alive. Bullets. Return fire. Corpses, blood. Foals dying. Hooves coated in blood, more blood. Gotta kill or be killed. Gotta kill. More blood. More corpses. Gotta kill-

I woke up, gasping for breath. I slid off the chair, stumbled, then galloped for the nearest bathroom. I threw the door open with my magic, then flicked it shut behind me. For the second time in so many hours, the taste of acid and bile forced itself through my mouth. I sat there, shuddering, occasionally forced forward as more came up.

“Thought I’d find you here.”

“Wh…wha?” I turned my head, seeing the outline of somepony in white. A glow from the pony’s horn enveloped the light switch, which flicked on. A male, caramel-colored unicorn with brown hair was revealed. I saw the white doctor’s garb, and I paled. I knew him.

“Doctor Horse…” I groaned internally, averting my eyes. He’d been the field medic for my troop during the war… and he’d helped me with my PTSD after it was over.

“Look at me,” he ordered. I hesitantly raised my eyes to his. He was giving me a look so stern, I was surprised he was keeping his tone civil. “Explain yourself.”

Horseapples. “Um…” I looked away, spitting into the toilet, trying to clear my mouth out.

“Scratch!” I paled as he raised his voice. “You know just as well as I do that those wounds are the very same you learned to deal out in boot camp. Explain what happened to her, now.”

“…I…”

His magic enveloped me, forcing me upright, and he leaned in close, getting in my face. “You want me to get some authorities in here? I’m sure they could get the story out of you. Or, better yet, how about I go grab Master Chief? I’m sure he’d love to hear what one of his old recruits has done.”

“Doc, wait! I-”

“You what?! You administered anti-Earth Pony tactics on a civilian, going so far as to use a bucking time-slow spell to overpower her, beating her within an inch of her life?! You tell me what happened, and you do it now, Scratch!”

My tears fell steadily to the floor. “I had another episode…” I sobbed weakly.

He released the magic, a look of surprise flitting across his face for a brief moment. “Go on,” he ordered, his voice slightly more controlled.

I sniffled. “I… I saw it again. The battlefield. The… the foals.”

The cyan eyes boring into me softened considerably.

“I-it seemed so real. I was confused, disoriented… then I saw somepony coming for me. Masked. Carrying a gun. I panicked…And I was beating the pony… and then the mask slipped, and I-I saw that it was h-her…” I was reduced to stuttering and crying, I couldn’t go on anymore.

“Er, Scr-… Vinyl. Please let go of me.”

I opened my tear-filled eyes. I quickly realized that I’d unconsciously hugged his legs. I stammered and backpedaled, slipping on the small puddle my tears had made. I fell, and my head hit the toilet I’d been throwing up into on the way down. Stars danced in my vision, and then my head hit the ground.

“Vinyl! Are you alright?”

I struggled to my hooves, shaking my head as Doc Horse reached to help me. “I’m fine. It’s… It’s just a scratch.”

“Vinyl, your head is bleeding.”

I laughed, an empty, hollow sound. “Let it.”

Doc Horse looked me over, sizing up my injury, and probably my mental state. “Come on,” he said gently, “Let’s go to my office. I’ll patch you up…and we can talk more about what happened.”

He didn’t seem nearly as angry as he had been, but I could still hear traces of hardness in his voice. I knew I deserved it, though. I nodded my head solemnly. Flushing my bile away, I went to the sink and rinsed my mouth out a bit. My head low, I followed after the Doc.

“…You went to a bar? Vinyl!”

“Doc, listen… I’ve been drinking for years. Not that I’m a raging alcoholic! I’m used to it. But, I…I don’t know. It’s a bit fuzzy… I was drinking heavy last night, heavier than… well, ever.”

“Why would you do that?”

I plunked my head on the desk we were sitting at. “Octavia and I…kind of had a fight.”

“Wait, beforehand? You know the mare?”

I nodded. “Octavia and I… we’re…roommates.” I sighed.

He raised a questioning eyebrow. “You sound unhappy about that.”

I groaned. “Yup,” I mumbled.

“Then why haven’t you found yourself new accommodations?”

“Wha? No, no, it’s not that I don’t like Octy. No way.”

“’Octy’?”

I blushed. “Ah, I mean, Octavia.”

Doc Horse nodded. “I think I see, now, what you’re trying to avoid saying.”

I flinched. “I’m not avoiding anything!”

He gave me a skeptical look. “Other than the fact that you enjoy her company more than usual?”

Shoot.

“Anyway, continue your story.”

“R-right,” I said sheepishly. “Um. So, like I said, Octavia and I got in a fight, and I went out to go…well… drink it off. After that… it’s not really clear.”

“I see…” he mused. “The excess of alcohol must have triggered it… I suppose I can’t blame you for your episode.” He paused. “But, I fear Octavia, if she recovers, might.”

I twitched at that word. If.

“Can I…” I hesitated. “Can I see her?”

Doc Horse shook his head. “She’s still in surgery. I was in there earlier, and…” He paused like he was choosing his words carefully. “It is likely going to take a while longer. You should go home, get yourself some rest.

“What? Are you nuts? No way! I gotta stay here to be with her.”

“No offense… but you’re simply just taking up space, and causing yourself unnecessary anxiety. And I imagine that hangover you’ve got isn’t treating you kindly, especially with that head injury of yours.”

I really couldn’t argue, and my head kinda did hurt, a lot. “I… Okay. Thanks for everything, I guess.”

“Stay out of trouble, Vinyl. And definitely stay off the alcohol.”

Good old Doc, medic to the end. No hellos, no goodbyes, but medical advice from here to Timbucktu. I left his office, and somehow managed to find the exit to the giant maze of a building.

Walking home was… not fun. Especially when I passed the spot where the whole thing happened. There was a big bloodstain on the ground… I tried not to look at it. I made my way home as fast as I could.

I opened the door to our little shared house. It wasn’t much, but it was home…

Though, it didn’t feel much like it. It was too quiet. Too empty. I sighed and opened the door to my bedroom.

I groaned when I saw the mess. Trash and empty bottles of alcohol everywhere, as usual. I picked up one suck discarded bottle, taking a whiff. The smell of whiskey assaulted me, and I held it back from my face. “Ugh…” I set it down on my desk, which was similarly covered in bottles. I stared at it, thinking.

“...You… You caused this,” I said. I picked the bottle back up. “You took her away. How dare you? How dare you?!” My hoof trembled. “I hate you!"

With a sudden movement, I threw the bottle against the wall. Glass shards rained down on the floor. I was breathing heavily. “I hate you all!” I screamed.

My horn glowed a dark, angry blue as every bottle in my room rose with my power. “I hate you! And you! And you, and you, and you! Every one of you!” With every word, another bottle smashed against the wall. My room was filled with the steady sound of the shattered glass falling to the floor.

I was about to hurl another bottle, when I realized it was heavier than the others - there was something in it. Lowering it in front of me, I recognized it as a bottle of wine. Pinot Noir, not my usual style. Why was it in here?

It was then that I noticed the tag around the neck. I opened it, and read the scrawled writing of mine. “For you, Tavi, the most beautiful mare in the world.”

Every bottle my magic was holding dropped instantly as my anger disappeared, save for the wine. I ignored the loud smashing, and cleared a path to my bed. I curled up, still holding the long-forgotten Hearts and Hooves Day present, and cried.

Author's Note

Doctor/Doc Horse is not my OC, I do not claim credit for him. He's actually a pony in the show.

Her Dying Heartbeat

I snapped awake when my phone went off. The room was dark, either I hadn’t been asleep long, or I’d slept completely through the day. I pushed that thought aside and concentrated on finding my phone. I could hear the ringing, somewhere. I was groggy, and had a little edge of my headache left, so it took me a few seconds to clear my head. I lifted random things with my magic, being too lazy to get out of bed. I finally located the stupid thing under a discarded shirt. I tapped my hoof to the green circle. Assuming my DJ personality, I put on a smirk. “Yo, DJ PON-3 talkin’.”

“Dee jay pone…three? Pardon me, I must have the wrong number, I was looking for Vinyl Scratch. I’ll hang up now.”

“Woah, woah, hol’ up, you got the mare.” I couldn’t quite place the slightly distorted voice in my sleepy state. Thanks to my walls being reinforced for soundproofing, I never got good reception in my room. And the caller ID was just a number, which only told me it wasn’t in my contacts. Not much help there.

“Sorry, what?” the voice replied, sounding confused.

“This is Vinyl Scratch.” I rolled my eyes.

“Vinyl? Celestia’s sake, why did you call yourself that… peculiar name?”

It clicked then, when I realized there were few people that’d have my number that weren’t in my contacts… including a certain caramel-colored unicorn I’d had a talk with yesterday. “Wait… Doc?”

“Obviously. Quit fooling around and get your flank down here.”

“I wasn’t- Okay. How soon do I need to be there?”

No response came, and a glance at the screen told me that Doc Horse had hung up. I shook my head, tossing the phone on the bed. “Ugh, why does he want me there again? Aw, it’ll come to me…” I yawned. “…once I wake up.”

I hopped off the bed, and immediately yelped in pain. “What the-” My voice died as I surveyed the carpet of glass shards coating my floor. “Oh.” The memory came to me, calm and cool, and I sank to my haunches as the weight of what had happened returned to my shoulders. A glance at the bed revealed the Pinot Noir that I’d clung to like a teddy bear all night.

And then I realized something, and panic shot through me. If the Doc was calling me, something was happening. “Buck!” I quickly pushed a load of glass aside with my magic, making a path to the door. I sprang down and burst out to the street at full gallop, slamming the door behind me in my haste.

I didn’t slow down until I was right at the reception desk. Trying to stop too quickly, I slid forward on the freshly-waxed floor and knocked into the desk, falling on my rump. I scrambled to right myself. “Where’s Octavia?!” I shouted, not bothering to brush myself off nor fix my now-wild mane.

The receptionist had a look like a startled rabbit for a moment before regaining a professional look. “A-ah, well, third floor, but visitors are restricted right-”

“Not if I have a say, which I believe I do,” said a calm, steely voice. The receptionist jumped, reddening sheepishly. “Took you long enough, Vinyl. Come on, we must hurry.”

I almost felt bad for the poor receptionist, but my mind was elsewhere. “I galloped the whole way here, Doc!” I complained, following after him.

The unicorn glanced back at me skeptically, maneuvering neatly around a passing nurse with a cart of medicine and other things. “You call that a gallop? You’re going soft.”

“Being a DJ doesn’t usually involve that kinda stuff, sue me,” I retorted, glad to have something to distract myself from the worry, at least momentarily.

“Hmph.”

Silence rose as we made our way quickly up the stairs. I was still blinking away the last vestiges of sleep, so I had to really concentrate to avoid tripping as I raced up. Finally, we went through a door, leading into a hallway that branched off into… more hallways. I would have stopped and stared, overwhelmed and unsure, but Doc Horse’s confident strides urged me to keep moving forward.

He led me to a door, just like every single one in the mad labyrinth of a place we were in, and turned to face me. “Octavia is in here. Are you prepared for this, Vinyl?”

I hesitated. Once that door was opened, I couldn’t kid myself anymore that it was all a dream. I’d have to face the music. It scared me. I was terrified that I didn’t know what was happening, what would happen, none of that, but at the same time, what if I went in there and I found out she was gonna die? I was scared to know the truth. I shook my head. “No… I’m not ready.”

“Thought not. In you go,” he said, and he opened the door.

“Wh-hey! I just said-”

“And every moment you’re hesitating is a potential moment with her that you’re throwing down the drain.” He sighed. “I know you’re scared. But we don’t know how long she has left. We’ve done just about everything possible… it’s up to her now to push through.”

I lowered my head in shame. Silently, I walked past Doc and into the room.

One of the things I hated about hospitals was… the smell. No, I don’t mean puke, or blood, or sickness, and I don’t mean the cleaning products they use. I mean the smell of death.

Yes, that’s a smell. Not the rotting of a corpse, that’s not what I mean. I mean death. I smelled it plenty on the battlefield, and at the occasional funeral I went to. It’s sort of like the taste of hot water - you can’t really describe it, but if it’s there, you know it.

That’s what I smelled in this room.

Octavia, that beautiful mare, was hooked up to all kinds of machines, breathing slow and shallow as she slept. She had a large gauze patch over one eye, and was wrapped in bandages pretty much everywhere. I felt a huge pang of guilt, and I felt sick to my stomach.

“Vinyl, there’ll be time to be sick later. Don’t waste this time,” Doc gently reminded me.

I nodded, forcing my stomach to calm down. I nervously walked over to Octavia, sitting down on the floor as I stared at the beauty that I’d broken. A machine nearby beeped in time with her heartbeat. I liked it, in a strange way. It would be a good beat for a dubstep song, I’d have to remember-

No. This time is for Octavia, I reminded myself.

A few things beeped, and Doc went over to check them. He glanced up at me. “If you’ve got something to say, you might want to, in case she goes south.”

Staring at the beautiful, broken mare in front of me took my words away, but I swallowed, and took a breath, letting it out slowly. “Hey… Hey Octy, it’s… It’s me, Vinyl.”

Naught but the ever-constant beeping of her heartbeat filled the silence.

“I… I’m sorry,” I said, and winced. “Ah, that sounded lame, even to me.” I laughed sadly. “But… I mean it. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you. I… I saw things. Things from when I was… in the war. Yeah,” I chuckled sheepishly, “I kinda lied to you about that… Sorry. But, I had an episode, and I thought-” I sniffled, and wiped away the tears I hadn’t noticed forming. “-I thought you were an enemy, I thought you were coming for me. I’m so sorry… I would never hurt you. Never. I’d throw away my sound board, my speakers, everything before I hurt you. Because…” I hesitated, then choked back a sob. “Because I love you, Octy!”

I sniffed loudly, trying to keep from breaking down. “I know I’m a poor roommate. I drink, I play music all times of the night, I’m annoying, but… you, you’re amazing. You put up with my bad habits, alcohol problem, all my bucking nonsense n’ all the junk I cause. I could walk to every corner of Equestria and not find another mare that would stick around like you have. You’re bucking amazing, and I… I took it for granted.”

I jumped slightly in surprise when a glowing, floating box of tissues bumped into my snout. I nodded my thanks to Doc, who returned it, walking out to give me some privacy. I wiped away the tears as best as I could.

“Octavia… You’re the most amazing thing in my life. All the music in Equestria couldn’t even come close to comparing with you…”

I hesitated, then put my front hooves on the bedside. I leaned over, looking at her, the most amazing thing, and I gently, gently touched my lips to hers. I backed up, sitting dejectedly on the floor. “…That’s all I had to say, Octy. I don’t even know if you can hear me, but… Please, please stay with me. I can’t lose you…”

I sat by the wall, bringing the tissue box with me, taking another one out and wiping up myself a bit. I was a little messy from all that blubbering… I chuckled sadly to myself. Octavia would pretend to be shocked that I was crying, if she were here. I knew that she’d be hiding her own tears, though. I smiled. Proper mare to the core. Well, almost. She’s got a little rebellious streak, and I love that about her…

I sighed. I didn’t have anything else, no more words. Not even music. I had a beat, though. That beeping, repeating with every beat of her heart.

Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…

I listened to that slow, repetitive sound, and I began to feel a little sleepy. I leaned my head against the wall, closing my eyes. I drew closer and closer to sleep, everything around me seeming to slow down as I drifted off…

Wait.

Something wasn’t right.

I think it was my music sense that tipped me off. But I noticed that it wasn’t just me falling asleep. Something was slowing down.

Ice shot through my spine when I realized that it was the beeping.

My eyes shot open as I dashed to the machine to see if my senses had told me wrong. But, no. Each heartbeat beeped a little slower. I backed up, bumping into the wall. No. No! “Doc! Doc!” I shouted.

Doc Horse dashed in, his horn glowing. “What’s her status?”

I was trembling. “Her heartbeat’s slowing down, and it’s not stopping!”

His eyes widened. “Bucking hell…”

…Beep…

That was the first time I ever heard Doc Horse swear. For a guy like him to curse, one that I thought would never do that, I could tell how much he cared. A small ray of hope dawned on me then. I knew that with the Doc doing his all, Octavia would pull through.

….Beep…

That ray kept getting smaller and smaller, though, as he became more and more frantic, calling in more doctors who rushed around, following every order and doing everything they possibly could.

…..Beep…

All that noise was muted to me, though. The only sound I heard was her dying heartbeat. It grew slower, slower…

……Beep…

One of them tried to push me out of the room, but Doc yelled at him, furious, and the frightened stallion went back to work.

………Beep…

I tried not to cry.

…………Beep…

I begged Luna, Celestia, whatever gods or goddesses were out there, to save her.

……………Beep…

No…I shook my head. Please, please don’t let this happen.

………………Beep…

…No…

…………………Bee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

I watched with dead eyes as someone hit a button that stopped the continual screech of the flatline.

“…Everypony… get out. Now.” Doc Horse’s voice, usually so stern and commanding, was weak. Defeated.

Silently, all the other doctors and nurses that had come to help filed out, leaving just me and the Doc, who bowed his head, patted me on the back, and walked out.

I always thought that I would be so angry if I lost her. But now, I was just…Empty.

Once again, I found myself at her bedside, looking at the stone-still face of the one whose heart had stopped… because of me.

Maybe it was weird, but… I couldn’t help but give her one last, long kiss. I curled up beside her, and I brushed against the wires. I almost tore them off, but when I looked at them, I found that I no longer cared. I felt so empty inside. So empty.

Not even music could fill the hole that had opened inside me.

…Beep…

Author's Note

Dying... It's a curious word. So often, it's regarded with fear. So often, it means death.
But it doesn't have to. A dying breath can mean two things.
The first definition is cold, dark. It means the last 'breath' of the dead, when in truth it's actually just the muscles in the lungs relaxing, either taking in or letting out breath until it's at its natural place. The person, or pony, is already dead.
The other definition, though, is one that is in the process of dying. They're getting weaker, they're nearing it, but they're not quite there yet. There is still time.
Speaking of time. Fun fact. The brain can live for up to four minutes while the person has no heartbeat with little to no aftereffects, as long as they're revived in those four minutes.. After four minutes, brain cells start dying, and they can be revived sometimes, but often, they're a vegetable - a shell of what they once were.
Four minutes is a long time. And miracles do happen.
Once again, I do not claim Doctor/Doc Horse, he is a pony in the show.

Knock on Wood

Author's Note

This is an experimental, color-rotational POV system. Yes, I know, it's not done properly. I'll work on it later. For now, assume that everything after a certain color is the same POV until it changes. Blue is Vinyl's POV. And grey... come on, who else?

Knock on Wood

I could hardly believe my ears. Had I just imagined it? I felt a glimmer of hope, one that I’d thought had died out. But maybe, just maybe…

...Beep…

“Doc! Doc!” I yelled, scrambling down from my place beside Octavia. I rushed out the door, trying to find his office. Turning a corner, I plowed straight into someone running towards me, falling back. “Ow- uh, sorry!” I got up as quickly as I could. “Oh, shoot, sorry, Doc!”

“What’s going on? Why are you-”

“No time! I think she’s still alive!”

We raced for the room, Doc Horse breathing heavily. “Listen!” I said.

Nothing happened, and he gave me a sad look. “Vinyl…”

…Beep…

“Wha-” he stuttered, then shook himself. He dashed over to her and put his ear to Octavia’s chest. He listened for a few moments, then pulled his head back and laughed happily. He reared back, shifting his weight to his back legs, and grabbed an oxygen mask that hung on a nearby machine. Strapping it on her, he pressed some buttons, and I heard the thing turn on. “Vinyl, knock on wood and pray to any gods of luck there be, because we’re going to need it.” He pulled a radio out of his pocket and pressed a button. “Doc Horse at Octavia Melody’s room, I need backup, now! A life may be saved today.”

He tossed the radio at me, and I fumbled to catch it. I set it on the nearest surface I could, then backed up into the wall as doctors and nurses galloped in, immediately setting to work. It felt so familiar, but now they were revitalized, working with renewed vigor.

………………Beep…

Please.

……………Beep…

I bowed my head. Please let it work this time.

…………Beep…

I prayed, watching, listening.

………Beep…

My eyes filled with tears as I felt my hope rising, not caring if I was tempting fate.

……Beep…

One of the docs stepped back, clapping me on the shoulder with a smile on his face. “I think we’ve done it.”

…..Beep…

I hopped around happily, not caring who saw me. I was in my own little world.

….Beep…

The little ray of light in me was now like a rising sun, illuminating every part of my heart.

…Beep…

I’d never seen Doc Horse grin so wide. He and his colleagues cheered, like they were at one of my concerts. I was ecstatic, the music in my soul was rising to a crescendo. If I could turn this moment into a song…

…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…

…it would have the perfect beat.

* * *

I regained consciousness like one wakes from a dream. Slowly at first, and then a rush of reality as I opened my eyes.

My vision was blurry, yet not so blurry as to obstruct my vision. It seemed quite... off. Not centered properly, though this and the immense pain in my head did not matter once the beautiful white mare I called my roommate came into focus, along with a caramel-colored unicorn stallion dressed in white, whom I did not recognize.

“-Gotta be kidding me!” she said, clearly agitated.

“I’m sorry, Vinyl…” he said, “...but really, you shouldn’t be surprised,” he added in a stern tone.

“I…” Vinyl trailed off. “Buck,” she whispered.

“Profanity, Vinyl..,” I whispered.

I’d never seen Vinyl’s head whip that quickly, not even while.. What was it called.. ‘Head-banging’ at one of her concerts. “Octy! Octavia! Oh, thank Dubstep you’re okay!”

“Dubstep? I’m not sure how a genre of music pertains to..” I attempted to raise my hoof to my head in exasperation, but found myself wincing from pain at the attempt, bringing clarity to the situation at hoof. “... Anyway, would somepony care to explain to me what in Equestria happened?”

Vinyl looked down at the floor, clearly out of shame. The other stallion, a doctor, I assumed, nudged her with a hoof. “Okay, okay, I just… needed a second.” She sighed, then looked guiltily into my eyes. “First things first… I kind of lied to you about something, Octy.”

“Lied? Why would you feel the need to lie to me about something?”

Vinyl scratched at the floor absently. “Well… I didn’t want you to know.” She whopped herself in the forehead. “O-kay, that sounded obvious, even to me. I… didn’t want you to see me like… like I really was.” Her head drooped a bit more, averting her eyes.

“Octy… do you remember, years ago, when there was an invasion? When everypony eighteen or older got shipped off to fight?”

“Of course I do. My high school’s orchestra played at a memorial concert for the war, and we were required to study the history of it. I remember you were.. Ah, yes, you were in (something), doing (something).”

“About that… Octy, I’m not twenty-seven. I’m actually... twenty-nine.”

“Vinyl, that’s fine. I mean, it’s only two years you lied about, nothing very- Wait.. That means…”

She nodded, that electric-blue mane bobbing slightly. “Yup… I was 18.” she laughed bitterly. “I actually turned 18 only a few days before they implemented the draft, and I got shipped off. Some birthday party, huh?” I thought I saw a tear fall, but she turned her face away before I could be sure. “I went off to fight. First place I went was boot camp, where I learned-” she made a choked noise I realized was a sob. “-Where I learned how to kill. I learned brutal tactics against Earth ponies, Pegasi, and other Unicorns, tactics designed to destroy your enemy before they could touch you… I learned how to snap horns and rip off wings with my bare hooves… I-I knew every pressure point, every way to make somepony scream until they-”

The doctor put a hoof over her mouth. “Vinyl, stop. Take a breath.”

Vinyl nodded listlessly. “Okay… Sorry, Tavi. Doc, can you…?”

“Yes, I can. Go rest.” She moved to the corner of the room, curling up and going still. The doctor shook his head with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Miss Melody, I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself. My name is Doctor Horse, though you can just call me Doc Horse, or Doc.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’d shake your hoof, but, well…”

A small smile crossed his face for a moment. “Another time, maybe. Now, I did not witness Vinyl’s experiences first-hoof, but she told me of them extensively when I helped her cope with her post-traumatic stress.”

“I.. I never knew she had PTSD…”

“Vinyl had some… particularly hard moments during the war-”

“Don’t you dare,” Vinyl mumbled from the other side of the room.

Doc Horse gave her a mildly annoyed look. “As I was saying, Vinyl had some particularly hard moments during the war that I will allow her to tell you in her own time,” he emphasized, making sure Vinyl had heard him. “As the medic for her particular troop, she looked for my help first when she began to have some… uncommon after-effects. “Which I will also let her tell you when she’s ready.”

Vinyl’s muffled “Thanks,” answered him.

I glanced at her and saw that she had found a blanket, and apparently proceeded to cocoon herself in it.

The doctor shook his head. “Moving on. Due to those hard moments, Vinyl developed a bit of a dependency on alcohol.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh, believe me, I know all about that. I occasionally have to go drag her out of the bar.”

I remembered the last time I had to go remove her...

I glance at a clock. Vinyl must be drunk again… I’d really rather not, but I suppose I must get her.

“Yes, I had to do the same while Vinyl stayed with me.” He lowered his head. “Mr. Scratch unfortunately did not make it out of the war.”

Trotting down the dark street… there’s Vinyl. Obviously drunk.

“Being a single father, he had little for her to inherit. I provided her room and board.”

She’s ____ (wavering?) all over the place, goodness.. I’m running.. Must help..

“Which,” he directed his voice at the blanketed bundle in the corner, “was quite kind of me considering her tendency to slip away to the bar every few nights.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond, my mind was slowly processing the memories filtering back.

“...Octy, are you okay?” I looked up to see Vinyl, still wrapped in her blanket, was standing by Doc Horse and giving me a worried look.

“Yes.. I admit I am starting to recollect what happened.. I remember you didn’t come home, and it was very late. I figured that you had been drinking at the bar, and I went to go see if you needed help getting home. I was walking down the street when I saw you. You were drunk, I could tell from your posture while walking and your abnormal expression. I was worried, very worried.. I started running over to assist you, and.. Well, something must have happ-”

All at once, my memories slid into place. Everything, the flash of magic, pain, not being able to move, even more pain…

“You,” I whispered to Vinyl. “I’m here because of you. Y-you did this to me..”

“O-octy, I-”

“Oh, Celestia… Why? What did I do to deserve this?”

My vision blurred even further as tears slid down my muzzle and into my mane as I stared at her. She had a frightened expression on her face, backing up as if I was the dangerous one.

“You-Vinyl, you were trying to kill me! You-”

“Octavia, no, wait-” Vinyl interrupted, her voice straining with panic.

“Stop. Just stop and bucking listen to what I have to say for once in your life!”

“Both of you, calm down, please! Miss Octavia, Vinyl is vulnerable right now, she does not need this hostility!”

“No. I’ve put up with a lot of her stuff, but I’m not going to put up with her hiding behind you like a little foal! Listen, Vinyl,” I turned my attention to her. “I want to understand, and I’m trying so hard to understand, but you’re not making it easy by not telling me the truth, hiding behind Doc Horse and the name PTSD to explain! Tell me the truth, Vinyl. Tell me exactly what you were thinking when you attacked me. I deserve that at least.”

* * *

I tried to calm down, to speak rationally, but I couldn’t. The pressure, the worry, it was all coming in on me at once, I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t do anything, I was helpless, so helpless…

I shook my head, and pushed out the words. “I-I had an episode!”

Octavia looked steadily at me. I cringed, waiting for her to let me have it, to tell me that she never wanted to talk to me again.

“...Explain.”

I was shocked. I thought she’d shut me down, but… Maybe I had a chance to fix this. I took a deep breath.

“SometimesIhaveepisodeswhereIseethingsfromthewarandI-”

“Vinyl! Vinyl, slow down,” she said. “Calm down. Say it slowly.”

I nodded, trying to make my mind relax. “Sometimes, ...usually after drinking a lot more than normal… I have… episodes. Hallucinations. I see things from the war, but there’s… there’s one scene that I see most, and it…” I sniffed as a few tears made their way down my cheek. “What I see is when I was in enemy territory with the rest of my battalion. We were all scattered around, and we had to be careful because the enemy could come from any direction.

“I-I hadn’t killed anyone yet, this was our first time in open combat. We were in the remains of a village, long since abandoned. It was dusty, the whole place was in the middle of a desert, so it was hard to see too well. My nerves were fried already, when I heard gunfire. It clipped a building I was standing a few feet away from, and I ducked behind it for cover. I aimed as best as I could at what little I could see of the figures in the clouds of dust, unloading my automatic rifle on them and hoping they wouldn’t sneak up on me while I was reloading.

“When I was done firing… the return fire had stopped. I heard over the radio that the remains of the enemy troops were all on the run. We were to pursue them, so I ran to go join my comrades.

“...I didn’t make it but a few yards before I tripped over something. The wind was picking up, so I stood back and waited for the dust to clear. And… when it did…” I choked back a sob.

“...You know how they say how terrible war is? This… was ten times worse. There were corpses on the ground, Octy, ponies that I had killed…” I could barely talk anymore from my voice straining. “They were all foals, Octy. Every single one of them.”

I had to breathe deeply several times before I could speak again. “I saw their blood on my hooves, and… to this day, I still see it. Every single day. I’ve tried to wash it off, so many times…”

I sighed, trying to keep myself from trembling. “Almost every time I have an episode… that scene is what I see. But the one I had that night, after drinking nearly… nearly twice as much as usual… something added itself to my hallucination. I saw a grey Earth pony, masked and armed like the enemy forces I fought against so long ago, and they ran at me. I reacted, and after overpowering them… I had to end them or they’d just get back up and end me. I accidentally knocked the mask off… and I saw your face.”

I closed my eyes, then grit my teeth and slammed my hoof into the wall. “I was so stupid! I should have known, should have realized it was you…” A hollow feeling inside me mixed with my anger. “I’m so… sorry. I didn’t mean to. I should have realized, buck it! I’m so sorry… so sorry…” I couldn’t take it anymore. I curled up, right there on the floor, and started sobbing.

“...You probably hate me now…” I sniffed. “And I deserve it. I should take it and say okay, but… I can’t! I can’t lose you, I...I… I love you too much, buck it! I love you!”

Looking at Vinyl sobbing, I couldn’t help but feel my heart break. Seeing how vulnerable and broken she really was despite her everyday outward sense of composure made me love her even more.

“Vinyl.. Oh Vinyl.. I’m sorry, I didn’t understand.. But.. now I think I do. You took on the burden of these memories on your own, thinking that if you shared them to me or anyone else they would treat you differently. Well, you were right. Now... I love you even more.”

Vinyl’s sobs stopped as she looked up at me. “Y-you… love me?”

“In my heart I think I always have, but… seeing you so vulnerable, worrying so much about you… I think that made me finally realize it. I know now that I don’t want you to have to face that on your own. I want to be there for you, helping you through anything you might face. We can do it together, Vinyl.”

Doc Horse looked up from the sandwich he’d made while the whole ordeal was going on. “Are you two done yet?” he asked, his mouth full.

Vinyl jumped about nine feet in the air. “Wh-Doc?! You’re still here?”

He shrugged, taking another bite. “Nopony asked me to leave.”

“You didn’t bother to give us any privacy? We were having emotional moments!”

He looked offended for two seconds, then went back to his sandwich. “I couldn’t just leave. If the emotion proved to be too much for her heart, I would be needed immediately.”

“You could have stood just outside,” I suggested.

“My chair is comfy. I chose sitting in my cushy chair over standing out in the hall.”

“You do realize that your chair has wheels, and is not stationary, right?”

“The wheels are squeaky. It would have been distracting.” He chewed twice, then swallowed. “Plus, there was nothing good on TV.” He proceeded to ignore our existence in favor of happily finishing his beloved sandwich.

Vinyl, at this point, had decided to find the nearest wall, bonking her head against it repeatedly. “I… give up,” she said, exasperated.

“Vinyl, you’re going to give yourself brain damage if you keep that up,” I commented.

“Ah, well, not losing much there.”

I chuckled. “Well, still. I’d like to enjoy your company.”

Vinyl turned, smiling. “If you insist, Octy.” She came over, then put her front hooves on the side of the bed. “Scoot over.”

I raised an eyebrow. “And how am I supposed to do that?” I looked at my bandages with as much emphasis as I could.

Doc looked up from his sandwich. “By the way, sorry, but you’ll never use your left eye again...”

“Drat. That explains why everything looks so odd.”

We spent the rest of the day chatting as I rested. Doc Horse checked my vitals, and he informed me that I was well enough to go home to rest, if I wished, but he made Vinyl promise to give him constant updates. She assured him that she had everything under control. Doc and I both gave her a skeptical look, but I think we both knew that really, Vinyl would… as long as I reminded her.

When the doc pulled in the wheelchair, I took one look at it and turned up my nose. “I wouldn’t trust that thing to get me home any more that I would trust your ‘comfy chair’ to get me five feet.”

He scratched his chin with a hoof. “Well… I guess Vinyl will have to carry you. You up for it, ‘Dee Jay Pone Three’?”

She grinned wildly.“I got this!”

“Oh, dear.”

* * *

A thought occurred to me as Vinyl carried me home. For being as excited about it as she was, she was being very careful, and was going slowly to minimize my pain. Though obviously she couldn’t completely carry me using her magic, she did try to cushion me with it. It worked quite well; it was kind of relaxing, in fact.

"By the way, Vinyl... somehow, I think I've heard your confession before... almost like a dream."

“I always knew I’d be the mare of your dreams.” She winked. I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my smile.

Vinyl chuckled. “So, after this, how ‘bout we go out for a drink?

“Vinyl!”

“Whaaaat? I’m kidding! … Maybe.”

Thank you all, so much, for suffering through this short little story. Everyone, give Snowflake77 a hand, the lovely girl who agreed to collaborate with me on this chapter (may her sanity rest in peace).