Arrival, Discovery, Battle!
Few things suck harder than cosplaying in the rain. It ruins any kind of makeup you might be wearing, damages props, and it can be super uncomfortable if you’re showing any kind of skin. However, for my pal Billy and I, the rain isn't as big of a deal. A little sky water is a non issue to a man in Mandalorian armor. OK... fake, plastic Mandalorian armor, but the point still stands!
I adjust my jet pack to rest more comfortably on my back and turn to Billy, “So, how about this great San Diego weather?”
I can hear a muffled laugh from behind Billy’s T-visor, “I know right? Honestly, I thought one of the main reasons they hold Comic Con here in the first place is because the weather is supposed to be good all the time! Sunny San Diego my shebs!”
For those of you who don't know Mando, “shebs” means ass. Billy and I like to use Mandalorian swear words when we talk to each other, especially when we’re in our gear. Yeah, we’re huge geeks. There's no shame in that!
Billy’s armor is slightly different than mine. He’s dressed as Jodo Kast, a bounty hunter from the now defunct expanded universe. Believe me, Billy and I were both ecstatic when we find out that there were gonna be new Star Wars movies. But we both agree that the having the EU thrown to the wayside is a bit of a tragedy. Especially for a couple of crazy Mando lovers like us.
What am I wearing? What, you don't recognize this paint job? How can you even call yourself a geek!?
I am Boba Fett.
Ever since I was little, I've always thought that Boba was the coolest character in Star Wars. Actually, pretty much all of fiction. His armor, his gritty voice, his bad ass persona… to call me a fan would be an understatement. I've read all the comics and books, played every game where he was an available character, and I own every action figure. I've even got his Mythosaur Skull tattooed on my shoulder, right on the same spot where it sits on his armor. I cried a little when I got it… but still, totally cool, right?
The line shuffles forward and the rain picks up. Off in the distance, I can hear the boom of thunder. The storm must be getting worse. One thing I don't like about SDCC is the huge lines. And the line to get into the convention center is usually the worst. Still, it's not so bad when you’re cosplaying. A lot of people want to talk and take pictures. It's a good chance to make new friends.
Speaking of which, here comes a dad and his little girl right now. The dad looks a bit sheepish, especially with his bright pink umbrella, but the girl is enthusiastic.
“Wow! You guys look super cool! My dad likes Star Wars a lot. Can we take a picture?”
I smile behind my mask and let out a guttural “As you wish.” The dad smiles, playing with the camera setting on his phone. The girl comes close and throws an arm around my hip. Billy and I prop our blasters up and pose for the shot. The dad snaps a quick pic, and I notice that the little girl has something in her hand.
“What you got there, sweetheart?” I ask.
She smiles, showing off some missing baby teeth, and thrusts the toy up for me to see. It's a very familiar yellow pony with a pink mane.
“It's Fluttershy! She's my favorite. Do you know My Little Pony?”
I chuckle. Maybe the only thing that could have ever matched my passion for Boba Fett was MLP. I was suspicious of the show at first, but after the first two episodes I was pretty hooked. These days there is a pretty sizable collection of pony figures on my shelf, right next to my Boba Fetts.
I lean down, a somewhat difficult endeavor considering the jet pack and armor (alright, and the spare tire around my stomach too).
“Guess what? Fluttershy is my favorite too.”
The little girl’s eyes grow wide.
“Really? You should paint your armor to look like her! You could even put her cutie mark where the monster face is.” She points to the Mythosaur skull on my right pauldron. I stand back up.
“Say, that's not a bad idea. What do you think Billy? Should I do it?”
Billy chortles and shrugs.
“It's your armor bro. Personally, I would go with a Rainbow Dash paint job. It’d look cooler, I think.”
The father leans down and whispers into the little girl’s ear. She turns back to me.
“Sorry, I have to go now. Thanks for the picture!”
Billy and I wave goodbye as she turns around to leave. Then I realize she's dropped something. It's her Fluttershy doll.
I lean down to pick it up.
“Little girl! You've dropped your-”
There’s a bright flash followed by blackness.
*********
I awake to the gentle chatter of birds. At first, I can't feel or see much. I can smell the hot, humid stench of ozone, but it dissipates rather quickly. My eyes whirl, the world a tumbling blur. Eventually, I start to regain my focus and look around.
Trees everywhere. Big ones too. I'm in a goddamn forest.
“What the hell happened?” I say to myself. Belatedly, I try to stand up. A heavy weight drags me back to the ground, and I slump back into the dirt with a heavy thump.
What the heck was that? With more care, I attempt to stand up a second time, bracing my hands against the ground as I push up to my feet. Again, I feel the heavy weight. The jet pack! It must have gained a good thirty pounds. Why is it so heavy?
At this point I fully remember that I'm still in my armor. Looking down, I can see that my prop blaster and helmet are scattered a few feet from me. The helmet sits up right, the black T-visor glaring at me in an almost accusing way.
“Don't look at me like that! I don't know what happened. One sec I'm at SDCC and the next I'm in goddamn Yellowstone!”
What had happened? I was with Billy in line. We had just taken a picture with a little girl. The girl dropped her pony…
The pony. Fluttershy.
I look around. The doll is nowhere to be found. But now I have a hunch about what might have happened. I look more carefully at my surroundings. There is a certain, familiar aesthetic to the trees. A curious squirrel pops out of a hole and looks at me. It has a large head and shiny black eyes.
“It can't be…” I mumble to myself. I walk over to my blaster, having somewhat adjusted to the weight gain. Still had to figure that one out…
I reach down and pick up the blaster. With a loud report, the supposedly fake gun goes off and leaves a smoking scorch mark on the trunk of a nearby tree. I fall backwards, yelling loudly. The curious squirrel disappears into its hole.
“What. The. Fuck.”
That should not have happened! That EE-3 was just a prop… plastic! For the third time in as many minutes, I stumble back up to my feet. I approach the weapon, and with great care, pick it up. It's much heavier, just like my jet pack. I raise the stock of the carbine to my shoulder and take aim at a nearby stone. I pull the trigger.
Another loud report as a red blaster bolt leaps from the barrel of the “fake” gun and shatters the rock into several charred pieces. My grip must have been wrong, because the recoil from the gun causes it pop out of my hands. Luckily, the sling catches on one of my gauntlets and the gun does not hit the ground.
My mouth falls open. Holy shit. The gun is real! Then that means…
I sling the weapon over my shoulder and huff over to the helmet. I pick it up and lower it onto my head. I am utterly astounded by what I see. Numerous displays on an incredible HUD sit right in front of my eyes. There is a schematic of the armor in one corner, complete with diagnostics for each piece of the suit. At another corner is a heart rate monitor (it's going crazy). At the edges of the HUD are compressed images from directly behind me, giving me 360 degree vision. Last, there is a blue jet pack shaped icon on the bottom left of the screen.
I looked at the jet pack icon for a few seconds, when suddenly there is a whirring sound and a beep. The jet pack icon changes from blue to red, and a couple of new number displays pop up. There is a sudden lifting sensation and heat on the back of my legs.
“Woah! Stop!” I shout in panic. These words must register with the helmet’s internal computer, because the heat goes away just as fast as it came, along with the lifting sensation. On the heads up display, the jet pack icon changes back to blue and the new meters (speed and altitude maybe?) disappear.
I had just activated my jet pack. A huge smile breaks out across my face.
Somehow, whatever had happened to me had not only transported me but given me working armor as well. As to where I had been transported? Well, I had a suspicion that maybe…
A sudden growl breaks me from my internal thoughts. I don't need to turn around to see what it is. Using my 360 degree vision, I spot a large, lionesque predator stepping over a rotting log. A pair of bat like wings and a scorpion’s tail tell me everything I need to know.
I am in Equestria, and am about to eaten by a manticore.
I smile to myself. Time to test my new armor.
I whirl, unslinging my EE-3 and drawing a bead on the large cat. With a sudden and surprising dexterity, the monster leaps to the side as my blaster shot rings out. I turn to fire a second time, but in changing my position the gun stock slips off my shoulder. When I fire again, the rifle goes tumbling out of my hands.
“Shit”.
The manticore stops and growls at me, closing slowly. Why isn't it pouncing? The beast looks at me almost… expectantly. Well, here’s something you won't expect! I think to myself.
I raise my right hand and press a button on my gauntlet. There is a high pitched whizzing sound as my fibercord whip shoots out… and promptly coils around a large, fallen tree branch.
“Shit.”
Still, the cat doesn't move. He watches me, now with an almost bemused expression.
“Fuck you, manticore!” I scream. Time for the trump card. Focusing on the jet pack icon, I can soon feel the familiar lifting sensation and heat on the back of my legs. Raising my hands above my head, just like Boba Fett does in Return of the Jedi, I jump.
*********
The manticore observes as the strange animal takes off from the ground. It gets reasonably high, although the flailing seems to indicate it doesn't know what it's doing. To and fro, it zips just below the canopy, before the tree branch it captured with its arm rope catches on a stump. The manticore winces at the cracking, tearing sound of the creature’s arm as the caught branch pulls against the force of the flying machine. The strange animal screams, and with the branch anchoring it to the ground, it arcs wildly towards a tree trunk.
The feline chimera crouches down as the bizarre, screaming thing slams at high speed into the tree. There is a thunderous explosion, and fire engulfs a large section of the trunk. The flames drip down the bark, fuel from the flying machine feeding them. There is a secondary, larger detonation, followed by several smaller ones.
The manticore flicks its tail in irritation. The last time one of these strange animals appeared, there had been parts left over that it could it eat. That one had ripped itself apart with poorly controlled black magic. Honestly, it was like these things didn't understand how their powers worked! This time there wouldn't be anything left but charred armor. Maybe later it would go to the nice yellow pony’s house and get some fish. The manticore snorts and begins to lick its paw. For now, he’ll take a cat nap next to warm fire.
Author's Note
Oh...
