The crystal door swung open as the Princess of Love walked through, angrily trotting towards the vanity table. She levitated her crown off the top of her head and tossed it onto the bed. Shining Armor slowly followed behind, sulking as he entered the room.
As Cadance sat on a stool in front of the vanity, she began to remove the wear and tear of the day, eventually noticing her anxious husband pacing behind her. “For the last time, the answer is no,” she yelled, glaring at him in the reflection.
“Why not!? You still haven’t given me a reason,” he attempted to argue.
She whipped her head around in an instant, giving him a stare that could cut through warm butter. “You want a reason? I don’t want ponies watching my flank as it takes a pounding! Is that a good enough reason, or should I say another, because I’ve got hundreds more!”
Shining placed a hoof on his chin, a perplexed look filled his face, until he finally asked, “Okay, we won’t sell it to the public. So how about we make a sex tape instead?”
“And how is that any different?”
“It’s like a porno but it’s leaked for free, instead of being sold!” he replied.
With an exaggerated exhale, she turned back around to face the mirror. “And you completely missed the point,” she mumbled, wiping her lips with a towel. “You know what your mother told me before we got married?” she asked as she began to brush her hair.
Shining drew close to his wife, placing his muzzle next to hers. “How lucky of a stallion I am to be with you?”
“Well, yes. But she also told me that mares sometimes make fools of stallions, but most stallions are the do-it-yourself type,” she recounted.
“That’s really sweet of her. My mother has always known me so well, because I am definitely the do-it-y- hey wait a second!” It clicked in his head. “Was she calling me dumb?”
Cadance placed a hoof against her face, rubbing her cheeks as she sighed. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”
“Alright, alright. We won’t leak it, we’ll just show it to Twilight! Oh, and maybe Luna.” He returned to the original subject.
“Luna is literally three rooms down! Celestia is only two! Don’t even get me started on how creepy it is that you want to share your sexual activities with your baby sister!” complained Cadance, slamming her hooves down on the table, the mirror rattling and shaking.
“I’m not going to let her one up me this time! I have to show her I can do what she does!” he stressed.
She turned around on the stool, looking him dead in the eyes. “Are you… jealous?” she asked.
“Yes! Absolutely! I won’t deny it. She’s always rubbing her accomplishments in my face, acting like she’s better than me, and that porno has pushed her fame over the edge. I can’t just sit here and do nothing while she becomes this big important pony princess!”
Cadance placed her hooves on his cheeks, pulling him into a passionate kiss. “You big oaf,” she said as their lips parted. “You don’t have to feel second best, honey. You were the one who got married first, after all.”
He gave a delightful smile that shined like the sun through parting clouds. “Yeah, that’s true,” he replied, his eyes hazy, blinded by the love they shared.
“See? Plus, you have a loving wife and a kingdom the cares for their wonderful leaders,” she mentioned.
His eyes snapped back into clarity as her words rung through his empty skull. “Wait a second. I get a kingdom to rule, and then she gets a kingdom to rule! I get put into Celestia’s royal guard, and then she becomes Celestia’s pupil! I get a princess, and then she gets a better one! It’s as if she’s actively trying to be better than me!” he hollered.
“Wait, what do you mean better one?” Cadance scowled.
He threw his body onto the bed, laying with his back against the covers, staring up at the ceiling. “And what’s worse is that when she comes for a visit next week, she is going to brag about how she scored Luna and how happy she is. Blah, blah, blah!”
“No, seriously. What do you mean better one!?” Cadance rose from her seat.
Once he finally stopped his ranting, he looked up at the furious alicorn. “B-Better? No, no. Dear, I said bigger. She got a bigger princess. You’re so much thinner, and more beautiful, did I mention thinner?” he nervously backpedaled as quickly as he could.
An anguished frown sat upon her face as she stood over the fearful stallion. “Dear, everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing your privilege,” she stated.
“R-Right, sorry dear, love, honeybunches of oats.” He used all the cutesy nicknames he could in an attempt to avoid the wrath of a wife scorned.
Cadance gave an exaggerated sigh before reluctantly smiling at her partner. “Do you really want to make a sex tape?” she sorely asked.
“Yes! Absolutely!” he answered. “I’ll do anything, just for a chance to rub it in Twilly’s face!”
“Anything?”
“Anything!”
She then climbed onto him, sitting on his lap and locking their hips together. “Then I want a baby,” she coyly said.
“A-A-A b-baby!?” he yelled, slamming his hooves to his head in terror. “You want to make a baby!?”
With quick reflexes, Cadance shoved her hoof against his mouth, silencing the raving stallion. “Would you lower your voice!? Celestia and Luna are right down the hall! If you want this to happen, then I want a baby! No baby, no deal,” she harshly replied.
“That s-seems a little extreme fo-for a sex tape, don’t you think?” he stutteringly said.
She clenched her thighs, squeezing his stomach in her iron grip. “Oh, so now you need motivation? It’s an even trade, I get what I want and you get what you want.”
He squirmed and struggled as he replied, “But I just wanted to brag to Twilly… Not make something that’s literally life changing.”
“And you will. You’ll have a recording of your first child’s conception, I think that is far more impressive than any porno,” she suggested.
“Wait a second. They can’t even have kids!” he yelled, wrapping his forelegs around Cadance. “Honey, you’re a genius!”
With a smug grin, she pressed her nose against his. “I knew you would see things my way.”
“Did you now?” he questioned, flipping her over and pinning his body atop hers. “Shall we get started, my love?” A camera lifted up from the side of the bed into Cadance’s view.
“Wait, have you had that in here the whole time?”
“N-No,” he stuttered, nervously smiling at his beloved.
She groaned, but smiled at the same time. “You really are stubbornly confident, dear, and I love you for it,” she said, giving him another kiss.
“Would you go as far as to say that I’m a bit… thick?” he joked, chuckling as he spoke.
“No, no I would not,” she replied with the most monotone voice he had ever heard.
He frowned, staring at her with pouting eyes. “That was a low blow.”
“And that won’t be the only low blow I’ll be doing tonight. Now shut up and give me a baby,” she sternly replied, shoving her lips against his once more. “Just make sure you capture my good side.”
“Darling,” he said, setting the camcorder onto the nightstand. “Every side of you is your good side.”
Cadance fluttered her eyelashes at him, a lewd smile grew on her face as she asked, “Are you already filming? I definitely want to catch how charming you can be.”
“From insults to compliments. Makes me wonder how you’ll act once you’re pregnant,” he replied.
“Let’s find out.”
A few days later, Twilight arrived in the Crystal Empire. After settling into her guest quarters, the three convened for dinner, where they ate and enjoyed each other’s company. That is, until Twilight mentioned the lewd films she had been recently starring in with Princess Luna.
“I am so glad Celestia and Luna had already left before I arrived. Every moment with them is extremely vulgar now. Celestia’s been begging for more filming, and Luna’s been begging for more, uhm, punishment. Though, besides the adventures in the bedroom, she is a very loving marefriend,” Twilight gossiped about her love life while Shining looked on, slightly annoyed by her supposed bragging.
“We think it’s great you and Luna are together. Isn’t that right, Shining?” Cadance asked her beloved.
“Hmm? Yeah, of course,” he replied. “Stupid better princess,” he mumbled under his breath.
Cadance glared at him with an icy cold stare, one that could freeze even the hottest of suns. “What was that, dear?” she firmly, but calmly asked.
“Uh, uhm, bigger! I said bigger!” he replied, realizing what he had mumbled. “Luna’s fat!” He then covered his mouth with his hooves, recognizing the hole he had dug himself in.
“Excuse me!? Shining, what has gotten into you!?” Twilight retaliated.
His eyes darted back and forth between the two alicorns, their scorned faces struck fear into his heart, far worse than any villain ever could. “Oh, uhh, that reminds me! I’ve got something to show you!” He quickly rose from the table, rushing off down the corridor.
Cadance placed a hoof on Twilight’s foreleg. “I’m sorry about him.”
“He’s been my brother longer than he’s been your husband. I’m used to it. I’m just sorry you have to put up with him for the rest of your life,” she replied, giving an affectionate smile.
“Oh please. With the way he acts, I’ll probably end up smothering him in his sleep long before I reach a ripe old age,” Cadance jested, the two princesses shared each other’s laughter, reminiscing about the past as they waited for Shining to return.
He did eventually return to the dining hall, but with a horrid frown dangling on his jaw. The two mares immediately noticed his sorry disposition. “What’s wrong honey?” Cadance asked.
“Umm, dear. You know that old, brown box that sat in the guest hall? Do you know what might have happened to it?” he asked, ignoring her worried question.
“If you’re talking about the one next to the room Celestia stayed in, then I believe she took it with her. She was using it as a box to store all the gifts from us to her and Luna. Why do you ask?”
He dragged his hoof against the floor, his whole body was shaking uncontrollably. “That box wasn’t the gift box,” he replied, biting his lower lip.
Twilight interjected, asking, “What was in the box?”
“Well, just some old magazines, some tapes I’ve recorded,” he replied. “And my camcorder.”
Cadance shot up from her seat. “P-Please tell me it’s not the same camcorder,” she stammered. He simply nodded, hanging his head in sorrow. As she slumped back into her seat, shock overwhelming her senses, she blurted out, “Oh no… That means…”
Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Luna had just finished raising the moon. She wandered down the hall in search of her sister, eventually coming upon Celestia’s room. She gave a quick knock, only to have it overshadowed by the sounds of passionate love-making. With a swift shove, she swung open the door, hoping to catch her elder sister in a compromising position, just as she had with Luna so many times before.
Celestia didn’t even flinch, simply standing in the middle of the room, staring down at a shining electronic device. Luna frowned in disappointment, but still curious enough to enter the room. “Sister, I knocked. Did you not hear me?” she called out.
“Luna?” Celestia turned and looked, finally noticing her younger sister. The electronic glow illuminated her face, the only light that shined in the room.
“I have lowered your sun and raised the moon, yet here you stand, watching another one of Twilight and I’s passionate encounters. Wasn’t recording them enough for your perversions? Must you also watch them alone in your room?” Luna scolded her sister.
The elder alicorn grinned, simply replying with, “C’mere! Look at what I’ve got!”
Luna drew close, still listening to the sounds of moaning coming from the camcorder. “I don’t need to see it, I lived through it. Remember?” she replied, then taking notice of what was on the miniature screen. “Wait, that’s too thin to be me. Is that… Cadance!?”
“We were wrong, dear sister,” remarked Celestia.
“About what? How did you even get this?” Luna raised an eyebrow as she looked at her sister’s face, finally noticing the sadistic, teeth-bearing smile that went from ear to ear.
“Married couples do sell.”
