I Wasn't Prepared for This!
"Oh dear."
"Mrrph. Good morning, Sparklebutt."
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."
"Ugh, it's too early for worrying."
"We did the thing."
"The thing?"
"The thing."
"The thing?"
The thing."
The thing?
"The thing!"
"What thing?!"
"Glibbford, we had SEX!"
"Oh, wow! You're right, we did!"
"Yes, yes we did."
"I uh--well, am surprised."
"I know, I wasn't prepared for this! This is horrible!"
"Wait, horrible?!"
"Yes, horrible! I am greatly regretting my--our--actions last night."
"What! You said you had a good time! You said, and I quote: 'Wow, I didn't know you could do that with spoons and--'"
"Ah, geez, don't remind me! I'm never going to look at stir-fry the same way. I know what I said. I did have a good time. Though the details are a bit foggy."
"Well good, I pride myself on coital pleasure for the other party."
"That's not what's horrible."
"Well what is then?"
"I I I... F-f-"
"Go on, say it!"
"It's not princessly."
"fuck princesslyness."
"Is that even a word?"
"Who cares if it's a word. Just say what you wanted to say!"
"I had sex. At a party. I got drunk and had sex at a party. With you. Which was enjoyable, I want to reiterate that. But I got drunk and had sex. at a party."
"Not just any party, your highness."
"I know I know I know I know; shut up."
"This is a Grand Galloping Gala that will go down for the ages!"
"Yeah, the 'One where Twilight Sparkle got drunk and fucked a random stranger'."
"Hey, we talked for hours. Am I a stranger to you?!"
"Well, no, but I mean you were. Now you're not; I uh, know your body rather intimately now."
"I know, right?"
"This isn't funny. Ponies are going to think I'm a-a-a-"
"A slut?"
"Yes! How can my subjects respect me when I can't keep my tail down?!"
"Twilight, you are overreacting. You are allowed to have fun. Do you see anypony else in here?"
"Uh, no. I guess not. Where are we, anyway?"
"One of the palace guest rooms probably. The point is, it's not like you initiated a heart's desire-fueled orgy on the ballroom floor. That would have been cause for concern. Epic, but cause for concern."
"But I mean, I still am a princess. Ponies look up to me. I have to be a good example! I have to set a good example."
"it was consensual and we used protection. I'd say you're doing fine!"
"No I'm not! Ponies shouldn't just fuck random ponies they meet at parties. I'm a bad pony!"
"Twilight Sparkle, look at me. You are not a bad pony. There is nothing wrong or shameful about last night's activities. Everyone lets loose from time to time."
"Not Princess Celestia! She's like, always prim and proper and full of decorum and even when she pranks you or-or-or messes with you or lightens up or whatever she still does it with style. And class. Class and style."
"You don't think she gets drunk and fucks ponies at parties?"
"No!"
"Oh, you have no idea!"
"Are you saying that Princess Celestia, paragon of tact and restraint, has casual sex?"
"Oh my sweet Twilight. my poor sweet innocent Twilight, how naive are you?"
"I've known Celestia for decades! She is NOT promiscuous!"
"She only shows you the side of her she wants you to see. How would you know what she's like in bed?"
"How would YOU know!?"
"Let's just say i have personal experience."
"What do you... oh. Oh gross. Gross gross gross gross gross!!"
"Hey, don't make taboo the natural."
"But you a-a-a-and her. You... she... and then me! You..."
"What can I say; I'm attracted to royalty."
"You you you princess chaser!"
"No, it's not like that!"
"Have you fucked Luna too?!"
"No! No I haven't!"
"What about Cadance, huh?"
"Well, yeah. Who hasn't?"
"I haven't! Are you calling my sister-in-law a whore?"
"No, she's the princess of love, for horse sake! Twilight, stop!"
"And what about my niece? Are you just waiting until she turns sixteen? Ready to pounce on some fresh princess meat?!"
"Twilight Sparkle, stop! I am not a predator, and I am honestly hurt that you would insinuate that."
"But, but, but..."
"Twilight, how old are you?"
"I-I had sex with a cock who doesn't even know my age."
"Just answer the question."
"I am twenty eight."
"You... oh heaven's you weren't a virgin, were you?"
"Goodness no! I love sex!"
"Aha! The truth comes out."
"But, but I mean, I've always had it while in a relationship. I always waited, and dated at least a few months. This--this feels dirty; it feels wrong. It feels cheap."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Just, well, it feels like I'm giving something away to somepony--err, some...hippogryph? Is that a thing?"
"You can just say 'Someone'."
"Thank you. To someone I hardly know. That's not special."
"I think last night was very special."
"You know what I mean."
"Yes, I do. But the truth is, sex is what you make of it. If you want it to be special, make it special."
"I'm not sure if that makes any sense."
"Probably not. I'm probably trying to justify something that you don't want justified."
"Yeah, maybe. But... i don't know. I have a lot of emotions swimming through my brain right now. Maybe you're right."
"Oh?"
"Last night's romp was very... uh, carnal."
"I'll say. I've never felt a mare's horn in--"
"Ah jeez, Glibbford, don't remind me."
"Oi, lighten up; you are seriously wound too tight. Last night you unwound. Last night you had fun."
"Hey, I have lots of fun."
"Last night you had sexual fun. When's the last time that happened?"
"Last night."
"Twilight."
"Excuse me for cracking a joke. Okay, um, like probably a year... no, actually, fourteen months ago. But like, by the end we were always mad at each other, and the sex was pretty subpar, so i don't know if that counts really. Does that count?"
"See, you take yourself too seriously. You just gotta relax. I know you can."
"I can't relax!"
"Woah, you illustrate your point. But I know you can. Your body--you told a very different story last night. I'd like to see more of that Twilight Sparkle. You deserve to be more of that Twilight Sparkle."
"I... you're right. I... enjoyed the time I spent with you last night. But... I-I don't really know how to relax. I always have a million things on my mind, and I-I-I I just... I'm bad at relaxing, okay."
"Well, my charming--nay--seductive presence and alcohol seem to do the trick. Maybe you should try mixing those ingredients more often."
"I...think I'm good for a few months."
"That's a shame. Soooo, see you at some Hearths Warming party then?"
"Wait, what?! You're leaving?"
"Hardly. Though I do need to get going pretty soon. I've got a presentation this afternoon for the Tourism Board, and right now I suspect I look like shit."
"You certainly smell like shit. Heh heh sorry I kind of just blurted that out."
"I shall chose to consider it a badge of honor. But no, I don't have to leave yet. I just want to know when I shall next have the pleasure of your presence, Princess."
"Well I mean, not to brag, but I'm probably busier than you. I have quarterly reports due tomorrow, and I'm mentoring somepony on Tuesday, and I have delegates from Prance coming , and there are some books that need filing, and..."
"?"
"I, um, think I could clear some time next week."
"I think I'd like that."
"Yeah. I think I would too. Thank you, Glibbford."
"For what?"
"For... for... for you. For being you. I needed you.
"I...uh, think you're pretty alright yourself."
"Thanks."
"..."
"..."
"So, round two?"
"NO!"
Author's Note
Introducing Glibbford the Hippogryph. I didn't even decide he should be a hippogryph until yesterday, but low and behold he already had a name that starts with "G"!
I Wasn't Prepared For This! (Original Formatting)
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I Wasn't Prepared For This! (Original Formatting)
Author's Note
"Oh dear."
"Mrrph. Good morning, Sparklebutt."
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."
"Ugh, it's too early for worrying."
"We did the thing."
"The thing?"
"The thing."
"The thing?"
The thing."
The thing?
"The thing!"
"What thing?!"
"Glibbford, we had SEX!"
"Oh, wow! You're right, we did!"
"Yes, yes we did."
"I uh--well, am surprised."
"I know, I wasn't prepared for this! This is horrible!"
"Wait, horrible?!"
"Yes, horrible! I am greatly regretting my--our--actions last night."
"What! You said you had a good time! You said, and I quote: 'Wow, I didn't know you could do that with spoons and--'"
"Ah, geez, don't remind me! I'm never going to look at stir-fry the same way. I know what I said. I did have a good time. Though the details are a bit foggy."
"Well good, I pride myself on coital pleasure for the other party."
"That's not what's horrible."
"Well what is then?"
"I I I... F-f-"
"Go on, say it!"
"It's not princessly."
"fuck princesslyness."
"Is that even a word?"
"Who cares if it's a word. Just say what you wanted to say!"
"I had sex. At a party. I got drunk and had sex at a party. With you. Which was enjoyable, I want to reiterate that. But I got drunk and had sex. at a party."
"Not just any party, your highness."
"I know I know I know I know; shut up."
"This is a Grand Galloping Gala that will go down for the ages!"
"Yeah, the 'One where Twilight Sparkle got drunk and fucked a random stranger'."
"Hey, we talked for hours. Am I a stranger to you?!"
"Well, no, but I mean you were. Now you're not; I uh, know your body rather intimately now."
"I know, right?"
"This isn't funny. Ponies are going to think I'm a-a-a-"
"A slut?"
"Yes! How can my subjects respect me when I can't keep my tail down?!"
"Twilight, you are overreacting. You are allowed to have fun. Do you see anypony else in here?"
"Uh, no. I guess not. Where are we, anyway?"
"One of the palace guest rooms probably. The point is, it's not like you initiated a heart's desire-fueled orgy on the ballroom floor. That would have been cause for concern. Epic, but cause for concern."
"But I mean, I still am a princess. Ponies look up to me. I have to be a good example! I have to set a good example."
"it was consensual and we used protection. I'd say you're doing fine!"
"No I'm not! Ponies shouldn't just fuck random ponies they meet at parties. I'm a bad pony!"
"Twilight Sparkle, look at me. You are not a bad pony. There is nothing wrong or shameful about last night's activities. Everyone lets loose from time to time."
"Not Princess Celestia! She's like, always prim and proper and full of decorum and even when she pranks you or-or-or messes with you or lightens up or whatever she still does it with style. And class. Class and style."
"You don't think she gets drunk and fucks ponies at parties?"
"No!"
"Oh, you have no idea!"
"Are you saying that Princess Celestia, paragon of tact and restraint, has casual sex?"
"Oh my sweet Twilight. my poor sweet innocent Twilight, how naive are you?"
"I've known Celestia for decades! She is NOT promiscuous!"
"She only shows you the side of her she wants you to see. How would you know what she's like in bed?"
"How would YOU know!?"
"Let's just say i have personal experience."
"What do you... oh. Oh gross. Gross gross gross gross gross!!"
"Hey, don't make taboo the natural."
"But you a-a-a-and her. You... she... and then me! You..."
"What can I say; I'm attracted to royalty."
"You you you princess chaser!"
"No, it's not like that!"
"Have you fucked Luna too?!"
"No! No I haven't!"
"What about Cadance, huh?"
"Well, yeah. Who hasn't?"
"I haven't! Are you calling my sister-in-law a whore?"
"No, she's the princess of love, for horse sake! Twilight, stop!"
"And what about my niece? Are you just waiting until she turns sixteen? Ready to pounce on some fresh princess meat?!"
"Twilight Sparkle, stop! I am not a predator, and I am honestly hurt that you would insinuate that."
"But, but, but..."
"Twilight, how old are you?"
"I-I had sex with a cock who doesn't even know my age."
"Just answer the question."
"I am twenty eight."
"You... oh heaven's you weren't a virgin, were you?"
"Goodness no! I love sex!"
"Aha! The truth comes out."
"But, but I mean, I've always had it while in a relationship. I always waited, and dated at least a few months. This--this feels dirty; it feels wrong. It feels cheap."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Just, well, it feels like I'm giving something away to somepony--err, some...hippogryph? Is that a thing?"
"You can just say 'Someone'."
"Thank you. To someone I hardly know. That's not special."
"I think last night was very special."
"You know what I mean."
"Yes, I do. But the truth is, sex is what you make of it. If you want it to be special, make it special."
"I'm not sure if that makes any sense."
"Probably not. I'm probably trying to justify something that you don't want justified."
"Yeah, maybe. But... i don't know. I have a lot of emotions swimming through my brain right now. Maybe you're right."
"Oh?"
"Last night's romp was very... uh, carnal."
"I'll say. I've never felt a mare's horn in--"
"Ah jeez, Glibbford, don't remind me."
"Oi, lighten up; you are seriously wound too tight. Last night you unwound. Last night you had fun."
"Hey, I have lots of fun."
"Last night you had sexual fun. When's the last time that happened?"
"Last night."
"Twilight."
"Excuse me for cracking a joke. Okay, um, like probably a year... no, actually, fourteen months ago. But like, by the end we were always mad at each other, and the sex was pretty subpar, so i don't know if that counts really. Does that count?"
"See, you take yourself too seriously. You just gotta relax. I know you can."
"I can't relax!"
"Woah, you illustrate your point. But I know you can. Your body--you told a very different story last night. I'd like to see more of that Twilight Sparkle. You deserve to be more of that Twilight Sparkle."
"I... you're right. I... enjoyed the time I spent with you last night. But... I-I don't really know how to relax. I always have a million things on my mind, and I-I-I I just... I'm bad at relaxing, okay."
"Well, my charming--nay--seductive presence and alcohol seem to do the trick. Maybe you should try mixing those ingredients more often."
"I...think I'm good for a few months."
"That's a shame. Soooo, see you at some Hearths Warming party then?"
"Wait, what?! You're leaving?"
"Hardly. Though I do need to get going pretty soon. I've got a presentation this afternoon for the Tourism Board, and right now I suspect I look like shit."
"You certainly smell like shit. Heh heh sorry I kind of just blurted that out."
"I shall chose to consider it a badge of honor. But no, I don't have to leave yet. I just want to know when I shall next have the pleasure of your presence, Princess."
"Well I mean, not to brag, but I'm probably busier than you. I have quarterly reports due tomorrow, and I'm mentoring somepony on Tuesday, and I have delegates from Prance coming , and there are some books that need filing, and..."
"?"
"I, um, think I could clear some time next week."
"I think I'd like that."
"Yeah. I think I would too. Thank you, Glibbford."
"For what?"
"For... for... for you. For being you. I needed you.
"I...uh, think you're pretty alright yourself."
"Thanks."
"..."
"..."
"So, round two?"
"NO!"
Introducing Glibbford the Hippogryph. I didn't even decide he should be a hippogryph until yesterday, but low and behold he already had a name that starts with "G"!
