"Earth to cerialis ustor!" I snapped back to reality at the sound of my sister, who was glaring at me over our mahogany dinner table, that had a glass center, in the shape of a crescent moon.
"Oh come on, anyone could have made that mistake!" I said, somewhat excited, as my parents simply watched from their seats at either end of the six foot table.
"Do you know how hard it is to mess that up?" She said, seething.
"Oh come on, you know you wouldn't love me if I weren't a pyromaniac!" I retorted.
"You burnt cereal." She deadpanned.
"In all fairness, cereal burns VERY quickly"
"Cereal isn't even supposed to burn! It's mostly liquid! In fact, it would boil before it burns!" She was getting heated quite quickly, as she always does when it comes to science.
"Well, I beg to differ" I said as I pointed to her bowl. Her bowl of charred milk.
"This doesn't even make sense, how did you manage it?" She looked at me expectantly. 'She really knows how to switch moods fast...That lunatic', I thought.
"You think I know?" I said as I shrugged, following which my mom coughed and my sister and I looked over to see her with two bowls of porridge. "Ooh, goody, can I have some?" I gave her the puppy dog eyes. The puppy dog eyes ALWAYS work, brain, you sir are a genius.
"This is for your sister and I, you already ate everything in the fridge, so you're also the one going shopping today, the keys to the bike lock are on the counter". Brain. I. Will. Kill. You. In. Your. Sleep, and with good reason, seriously, porridge is the best food in the world.
I proceeded to clean up after my sister and mother, who were apparently going to hit up the mall today, so all I had to do was go and wash up, since I was still in my flannel P.Js and then I could go, buy the stuff for everything we need for the week, and come back home since it was a weekend. Easy right? Yeah, well that's what you would think... I went to the third floor of the house, though calling it a house is a stretch, you see it's more like a pillar, around twenty square feet, and goes up six floors. The first two floors were the living and dining room/kitchen, appropriately, and I shared a room with my sister, on the third floor, while my parents occupied the fourth floor, and we each had a shower in our rooms, which was nice, anyway when you walk into a room you can't see the stairs, because they are the attic type that you can retract when they're not in use, so you can have quite a bit of floor space if you need it. I briefly considered this as I went up to my room to shower and whatnot, though I have to say, living in a nine foot squared room is tough, but it's manageable, if you organize everything right. I burnt cereal, so it's fair to say my organizational skills aren't exactly up to par.
My room, to put it mildly, looked like a burrito Thursday (School event) on crack. In other words, I had my dresser nailed to the roof (I hadn't gotten around to taking it down), my computer built into the wall (Which was EPIC!) A bed that could fold into the wall to be stored vertically, and I had a nice little cage built into the wall, to house my pet hawk whom I'd named Hawkeye (Much to my parents' chagrin) and there was my shower in the opposite corner of the stairs, and it was small (About two feet squared), and that was where I went, as I closed the door behind me and turned on the water as I remembered two very important details. Firstly, I'd forgotten to take of my pajamas. Secondly, our furnace recently had a small mechanical error resulting us in requiring to run the water for a full minute before getting anything warmer than one degree centigrade. Let's just say that I was not happy as I ran through my room screaming "FRIGUS! FRIGUS! FRIGUS!"
Eventually though, I remembered that running makes freezing in the cold while wet worse (It simulates airflow) so I decided to change, and towel off. Course that's not exactly redeeming after ten minutes of shouting Latin at the top of your lungs, but hey, take what you can get. Another day in the life of Aegidious 'cerealis ustor' Fulcimentum. Aegidious 'cereal burner' staff. My name and title are both good and strong, they are perfect representations of me, my habits, my exploits and abilities. I hate my name on SO many levels. I decided however, that I did not need a shower (Considering that the hot water had run out) and instead opted to get dressed.
I wore a Roman style toga, and sandals, as I walked up to door the lead to the hallway to go out, I saw my reflection, it looked like a black haired, yellow eyed (Not joking, do you have ANY idea how fun it is to freak people out with those eyes? 'Course there was that one time... I am NEVER going on ginger girls again EVER!), tanned skin, and toned muscles. All hiding behind a red Roman toga. I stepped through the door, and pulled down the rope that lead to the fourth floor, bypasses my parents' room and went to the fifth floor.
The armory. I know you're thinking something like 'HA! There is NO way you have an armory, and if you do you're a stupid crazy conspiracy theorist". The crazy and stupid wouldn't be far off the mark, but the rest is all wrong. And you might think that my family is preparing for the zombie apocalypse. If we were, we wouldn't sacrifice an annual offering of sweet grass to Fortuna, if you haven't figured it out yet, we're Romans through and through, and not only that, we train in the traditional Roman way, as in, with spears, shields, and shortswords. 'Course, I hate spears, swords are sort of cool, but shields suck. I differ from everyone else in that I fight with a quarter-staff and a sword (Not a long sword, or a short sword, just an average sized hide yo kids, hide yo wife type sword). So I selected my favorite quarter staff which was rosewood and had spirals going through it, with obsidian inset into those spirals, and I selected my sword, which was just a nice oak handle and hilt and a bronze triangle (Obtuse, 'cause that's how we roll!) and proceeded to move to the armour rack.
That was where I selected a lighter rainment, which was bronze chainmail that covered my entire body (Excluding the face), and then I grabbed some light plate pants and put some boots on over my chain-covered feet. I then grabbed some more light plate for my chest, and arms, with some very nice gauntlets (Also light plate), and I put a pauldron on my arm, and a standard legionnaire helmet (Without the brush on the head) and strapped my sword to my side, and carried my staff in my left hand, and moved out. You know, you never really think about it, but bronze actually goes surprisingly well with red. 'Course it's not like you could see my toga under all the plate and chain, but still, I think it would look cool, but it doesn't really matter I suppose. 'Funny, you really don't seem to care about how you look before getting the crap beaten out of you by your dad'. No he doesn't beat me, he's actually pretty cool, but we do have daily sparring matches, before I go out. As you can imagine my muscles are yes, from sparring, which is a real advantage of it I suppose.
I pulled down the staircase and looked around the room, it was basically just four pseudo-stone walls (They were just fake stones) With a bronze shield and two swords crossing behind them in each of the four cardinal directions, with a large black circle with white on the inside, and stone of the outside of the circle. That was the ring where we sparred, and in that ring currently was a 6'4" man (I'm 6'1") wielding a spear and a shield, with a sword in it's sheathe. As I got ready to advance and get this over with he spoke in a gravelly tone, the tone of a battle grizzled warrior offering words of advice to his favorite (And only) 15 year old son.
"I noticed that you made a burnt offering to Neptune earlier..." And that is the tone of a battle grizzled troll. I stepped in with a thrust of my staff, catching his shield at the very edge, moving his arm out of the way, so I stabbed with my sword, while simultaneously readying my staff for another hit, but he deflected my sword with his spear, angling me perfectly so that my swing of my staff caught him in the corner between the shoulder and the neck. Correction, would have gotten him if he hadn't side-stepped and swept my off my feet with a spear. I hate that, I only ever beat him once, back when I first started using my staff and sword combo. Laying on my back, I realized something very important in my life. The ground has always been here to catch me, even when I didn't want to stop falling. That jerk. I snapped out of my trance when I noticed my dad's ebony spear tip at the gap between my the slits in my helmet that allow sight. Well, there goes that match.
"You assume that you've won too soon, you get a single good blow in and think that you've won, and you let your guard down. Always keep it up." And with that bit of knowledge my dad offered me a hand, and pulled me up, and we walked down to the armory to get our equipment off. As we were de-quipping I noticed something odd, it felt like someone was...Watching me...When you train like my family does you tend to notice these things, and act on them accordingly, so rolling my shoulder like I was stretching I glanced backward out the one-way window (That looks like a wall on the other side) and I decided to abandon my cloak and dagger operations and enjoy the view. We lived in Saskatoon, where the price for lots has been increasing recently, so we owned a small 23 foot (squared) lot, and our 'house' had a good view of the river. That river is epic, I mean seriously, you can cool down any time, it's good training. And it's about 80-100 feet wide (You don't really focus on counting it when it's carrying you in 60 Kp/h torrents) and it is actually dangerous, which in today's society is rare. Seriously, you ever try doing something fun in today's society? Rules and regulations, that's all it ever is any more. Anyway, I noticed my dad had come to join me, he looked very similar to me, with black hair that had grey in it, except he had blue eyes. My yellow eyes were basically because my parents' both had a lot of recessive vision-related genes. As I prepared to leave and take my chainmail off, there was what looked like a face in the window...Which shouldn't be possible since we're about 50 feet off the ground, with the river in front of us. Shrugging it off as imagination I took off the rest of my armour and went down to the kitchen floor, where I took note of anything we didn't have enough of. Which was everything. Brain (Bdrive:)/Run/Quadfacepalm.Exe/Return/Line_one.
I grabbed my keys, two backpacks and remembered that I was still in my toga.
"What's wrong with me today?" I walked upstairs to get changed and then headed back down, grabbed the keys to my lock and set off to go to the brave new world...By getting smacked in the face by a newspaper that hit the second I opened the door. You know that thing called karma? I'm sure that some believers out there would say that I was going to go out to bury a body, but you know this crap happens to me all the time. ALL the time, seriously, just ask my probability teacher. That incident with the pencil was NOT pretty, some guy got put in the hospital for three weeks. Anyway, I went to grab the paper and noticed something, first it was two-o-clock, which meant that I was going to have to book it to get to super store (Which was around...30 blocks away) to get back by three, and the newspaper that hit me was late, and didn't appear to have had a delivery boy deliver it. I decided that since I have a procrastinatic nature I would read it, and boy imagine my surprise when I saw some weird combination of Egyptian hieroglyphics, ancient Greek script, and modern day pictures. Two dead languages and modern day photographs. But that's not the weird part, that weird part is that the pictures were of strange happenings. Specifically cartoon drawings of weird horse shenanigans. Deciding to keep that for later, even though it was obviously a prank I unlocked the bike attached to our houses' railing (The railing that led to the door) and biked like a whirlwind. Which is to say spinning out around once every block.
"Gravel buddy, my old friend, we should go drinking some time and...whoops losing time!" I got back on my bike and decided to bike like an Olympic biker, which is to say I got there within ten minutes. After walking in to the store, and getting weird looks (A single teen wearing a bunnyhug, jeans, two backpacks, obviously I'm planning something. Sarcasm.exe is currently undergoing maintenance from overuse, please try again later). Anyway, I got all the stuff and headed to the checkout and decided that if I'm getting everything, my parents are paying for it. I pulled out the credit card I swiped out of my dad's sandal after sparring (Seriously, who puts a credit card in a sandal), so I also memorized my parents' bank account and password, and checked out everything, with their money.
After getting out I got that weird feeling again. Like I was being watched, but I didn't see anything so I shrugged it off. I turned around to be met by a grisly sight. It was a man leaning towards me, with a knife hidden up his sleeve (Yeah I noticed that), and he had a group of 6 people....No 10, there were four to each of the corners of me, trying to surround me. I may be good but I can't beat ten people, who are probably all armed.
"So kid, here's the deal, give us your money, and nobody gets hurt" He said, gravelly, as I desperately thought for a solution... Take him down? Nah, they'd all be mad...Maybe I could take him hostage...But that would incur heavy penalty in court... "Kid, we haven't got all day" Just then I felt a minor headache. You know that feeling you get when a tarantula crawls around in your head? Me neither, it felt like a sugar rush and a hangover combined in one.
"KID! GIVE US YOUR GOD DA-"
"FRIGIDAM!" I shouted (If you hadn't figured out I shout random Latin crap when weird stuff goes on around me), sounds heroic eh? Would have been more heroic if I hadn't felt like I just had a drinking binge, but I noticed something. All of my previous foes were frozen. Solid. And I don't mean covered in snow, I mean Skyrim Ice Form style total popsicle. Then I remembered what I had said...
"UNHOLY MOTHER OF ZEUS! I'M A WIZARD!" Hehehe, I just said that out loud, that's going to be fun to explain... Brain, if it weren't for the fact that I'm currently falling asleep with you, I would kill you.
________________________________________________________________________________
Saskatoon, Super Store parking lot, 14:42.
I got up with a start, and noticed a group of people surrounding me, most looking more concerned or curious. I aslo noticed somebody with a camera. Video camera. I don't like showing up on video. I got up and faced away from the intrepid reporter, whom I noticed by now was backing up with shock (Courtesy of my eyes, I presume) so I took the advantage and started walking over to my bike, only to be blocked by aforementioned reporter.
"Can I get a statement?" I dashed to the left, and ran past him, scurrying to my bike aggresively, and I got there way before the reporter, since he had a camera to carry, so I unlocked my bike and sped out of there. 'Hehehe, I'm probably going to be in the news, this is going to be FUN to explain to my parents.' I thought as I biked home at speeds in excess of mach 5 (Actually, it was more like 40 k/h but can't you let me have this one? *puppydog eyes.exe initiated*), so when I was riding home I got that strange feeling of being watched again. I was suddenly on edge, for some un-known reason, just before a truck hit me after not stopping at the intersection, thankfully I was on guard though, so I slid my bike under the truck while I jumped and grabbed at the upper corner of the semi, effectively performing a flip over it. I got over just in time to see my bike spin after contacting the sidewalk. I briefly reflected as I grabbed my bike (Totally ignoring the fact that I nearly just died, that stuff happens to me way to much for me to care) and I considered why I kept on getting that feeling before bad stuff happens. 'I'm an oracle! I predict bad things before they happen, and I will never fall prey to the unive-'
That was the sound of me having the space of my head interrupted by the sign of a downtown Subway (Restaurant). I hate subway now, but I'll probably forgive it later after I get a sub. As it stands though...
"Adolebit in infernus!". Burn in hellfire. That sign never stood a chance. Rather it wouldn't have, if it hadn't been a tiny spark that my spell unleashed. "Oh come on!" I briefly wondered what I did differently this time, when I noticed people looking at me funny, so I (Sheepishly) got back on my bike (I really need to start hanging on better) the trip home was (Bless Zeus) uneventful, for the most part, so I locked my bike up on our railing, and unlocked the door and stepped inside, after closing the door I went to the kitchen to drop off my supplies and just finished when a hand grabbed my shoulder, making me do an instinctive spinning kick. Only to see the strangest sight of today yet. It was a little girl (Who coincidentally caught my perfect kick with equally flawless form...using only ONE finger) and looked at me with a bored expression, when it hit me that the face I saw upstairs was the face of this girl.
"Who are you?" I asked, a little stupidly, with my left leg still being held by her finger.
"tenebrarum Sanctus" she said as she let my leg down and I returned to a basic standing pose. 'Chaotic requiem huh?'
"So you're the one that's been following me, I presume?" I asked.
"Yes".
"So...What are you doing here?"
"Standing".
"No I me-" I stopped cocking my head sideways. At least my exterior was calm, on the inside I was more along the lines of WTF DIANA'S BBQSAUCE. "Uh, look, why are you here, as in what is it that you want with me?"
"Why didn't you just say so? I came here to recruit you into my legion...For a chess game, of sorts." She answered, still appearing somewhat bored, but now that I looked at it, I should have known something was wrong then, seriously, NEVER trust a guy (Or girl in this case) in a robe. Or a creepy girl with a complex and sarcastic attitude, and black hair and green eyes. She had both of those qualities.
"Ha, no. I don't like being someone's pawn."
"Aren't you being a bit hasty? You could have anything you want, after all." She was trying not to betray emotion, but by this point her left eye was twitching, she was getting desperate. "Look, you can be famous, you could be anything you want to, you could even be a Drakon, if you wished." She started to ease up and look a little more confident now.
"Really? Look, I'm quite popular here, I have a caring family, and overall I don't see any reason to go anywhere else. While being a Drakon would be cool, I'll have to pass." I crossed my arms, looking cool (Okay, I was sweating a bit on my forehead, but still.)
"You know that force you felt earlier, when you froze that group of people attacking you? That was the point where most of the pieces were sent, I decided to award you with the taste of magic, and let you show up later, there's thousands of humans that have been sent there, who will mediate them? Who will make sure they do the right thing? You could become the greatest mage to exist! You could be the leader of your own nation!" Yeah, she was getting desperate.
"No. I've already said it once and I'm saying it again, I'm not going.". Her left eye twitched, and she walked away, straight through the wall, but not before muttering something about taking advantage of depressed people. "Hah, suckers" I said, after all, who would leave behind Terra? We here are the scummiest of all the scum, and we are proud of it.
"Okay, so I got home before 4 o clock...speak of Cerberus" I said as the doorbell rang the house.
