My Even Tinier Ponies

by Benman

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2364

Applejack is definitely not crazy.

Applejack is convinced that her produce is talking to her. Twilight Sparkle is convinced that only her expert help can restore Applejack to sanity. Hijinks ensue, as hijinks are wont to do. WARNING: Contains puns.

Written for the prereader Secret Santa prompt exchange. This prompt came from NinesTempest, and my prompt ended up going to BronyCray.

Audiobook by The Living Library

Published 2012-06-15 23:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-15 23:14:01 UTC

Applejack Hears An Apple

“Hey there, Twilight? I hate to say this, but I need your help.”

Twilight looked up as her friend entered the library. “Of course, Applejack.” Twilight stuck a bookmark in her copy of On The Withers Of Giants, adjusted it to be perfectly parallel to the book’s binding, then closed the heavy tome. “It’s about the apple harvest, isn’t it? I know you had some trouble with it last year, but−”

“Actually, Twilight−”

“−let me say it’s great that you can reach out for help this time−”

“Twi−”

“−I’m so glad you learned your lesson and−”

“Twilight Capricorn Sparkle!” Applejack reared up and planted her hooves on Twilight’s reading desk. “Wait one apple-pickin’ minute and listen to me.”

Twilight blinked. “Okay, okay. What?”

“This ain’t about the apple harvest.”

“Oh. Um, sorry. What is it, then?”

Applejack sighed. She took off her hat and unconsciously began folding the brim between her hooves. “I need you to help me figure something out. See, I was out buckin’ apples when−”

“AHA! I knew it!”

Applejack fell silent and glared at her friend.

Twilight suppressed a giggle. “You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry. Go on.”

“I was out buckin’ apples when, uh, I mighta heard somethin’ talkin’ to me.”

Twilight eyed her friend skeptically. “You came to me for help because you heard somepony talking to you?”

“Not somepony, something!” Applejack leaned it close and lowered her voice. “And you’ll never guess what it was, neither.”

“Was it an apple?”

“It was− aw, consarn it! How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Hmf. Anyway, I heard this apple talkin’ to me. It was real quiet-like, but I heard it.”

Twilight nodded somberly. “You were right to come to me.”

“Yeah, I reckon if anypony knows what kinda critter can do this, it’s you. We gotta get to the bottom of this.”

“I’m afraid there aren’t any creatures that can cause a phenomenon like that,” said Twilight.

“Well, I know what I heard.”

“You know what you thought you heard.” Twilight opened a drawer in her reading desk and produced a pair of black spectacles, which she levitated onto her muzzle. “Apple harvest is your busiest time of the year. Stress is known to cause hallucinations in otherwise healthy ponies.”

Applejack stiffened. “You’re sayin’ I’m crazy.”

“I’m saying you’re overworked! It’s just like last year, except this time you’re asking for help. I’m very proud of you, Applejack.” Twilight tied her mane up in a tight bun. “Fortunately, I’m just the pony to help you. I’ll have you cured in no time.”

“Not hardly!” Applejack turned and stormed back the way she came. “This here’s real,” she said. “If you ain’t gonna help me, I’ll do it on my own!” She slammed the library door behind her.

Applejack glanced around the orchard to make sure she wasn’t being watched. When she was sure the coast was clear, she approached an unremarkable apple tree, reached carefully into the knothole in its side, and withdrew a small, pristine apple. She sat down, leaned against the tree, and raised the apple mere inches from her face. “Howdy,” she said.

“Lady Colossus!” The voice was barely a whisper, but Applejack heard it. She was sure of that, no matter what Twilight said. “You return to us!”

“I told you, my name’s Applejack.”

“Yes, Lady Colossus. What news?”

“I talked to my friend. It, uh, it didn’t go so great.”

“Woe! Horror and woe!”

“Hey, now. It weren’t as bad as all that. Twi’s just confused, and she don’t like not knowin’ something. If you wanna tell me what you are, exactly, I bet it’d help.”

“We are the people of Appleachia,” said the apple.

“Hold on,” said Applejack. “You mean there’s more than one of you?”

“But of course. There is an entire civilization of us, here.”

Applejack peered closely at the apple. “Don’t look like it.”

“Ah, can you not see? Look closely at the world you hold in your hoof, Lady Colossus! Observe the magnificent cities that stretch across its surface. Wonder at our magnificent spires, our splendid promenades, our beautiful parks! Bear witness to the glory that our toil has wrought! Is it not magnificent?”

“Nope,” said Applejack. “It just looks like an apple.”

“Alas,” said the apple. “Our achievements, grand as they may be, are yet too small for your gargantuan eye to behold.”

“Alright, so y’all are a bunch of tiny folk. But who are you?”

“I am Princess Fructia, the immortal ruler of this world. It is my responsibility to protect my subjects from all harm. Since you removed Appleachia from its eternal perch, Lady Colossus, my only thought has been to safeguard our home.”

“Y’all ain’t got no cause to worry ‘bout that. I don’t rightly know what’s goin’ on, but I ain’t gonna let anything happen to ya.”

Rainbow Dash gasped for breath as she followed Twilight along the trail to Sweet Apple Acres. “I still don’t get why you need me here,” she panted.

“I told you,” said Twilight without looking back. “Applejack’s hearing things. We need to help her see reason.”

“Yeah, but why me?” Rainbow Dash stumbled, but kept her hooves. “This seems more like Rarity’s thing. Or maybe Fluttershy. Or Pinkie.” She paused. “Okay, maybe not Pinkie. But really, why not Fluttershy?”

Twilight adjusted her spectacles. “Fluttershy couldn’t carry the couch.”

“About that,” Rainbow Dash said as she staggered under the weight of the psychiatric couch she was hauling. “This thing here? It’s heavy. Do we really need it?”

“A professional can’t work without her tools,” said Twilight. “Oh, look, there she is!”

The two ponies stopped to watch. Applejack was facing away from them, sitting against a tree and whispering to an apple. Rainbow Dash shook her head sadly. “I know the girl likes apples, but this is getting kinda silly.”

Twilight nodded. “It’s worse than I thought. This looks like it could be a full psychotic break. It’s a good thing I’m equipped to deal with this.”

“You’re equipped? I’m the one with the couch.”

“Yes, but I have something even better.” Twilight’s grin showed gleaming teeth as she levitated a thin hardcover book out of her saddlebags.

Rainbow Dash leaned in closer to see the cover. “The Interpretation of Drays,” she read. “Theory and Practice of Modern Psychology.” She glanced over to Applejack, who was staring at the apple with an expression of deadly seriousness. “I dunno, Twilight. One book might not be enough.”

“Never underestimate the power of a therapist with a new book,” said Twilight. “Now come on, let’s go help our friend.”

They hurried over to Applejack’s tree. With a sigh of relief, Rainbow Dash set the couch on the ground. Applejack looked over at the noise. Her face became a carefully blank mask as she rose to her hooves. “Howdy, girls,” she said. “What brings y’all out here?”

“Applejack,” said Twilight, “I’m worried about you. I don’t want to be judgmental, but I don’t want to ignore my concerns. I think that−”

“You were talking to an apple,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Well, now, not exactly,” said Applejack.

“Actually, it definitely looked like you were,” said Twilight.

Applejack nodded. “Easy mistake to make. I was talking to the tiny princess who lives on the apple.”

Twilight and Rainbow Dash exchanged a look.

“Okay,” said Twilight. “This has gone far enough. Applejack, lie down on the couch.”

Applejack sighed. “Fine. But y’all gotta promise to listen to me.”

Twilight nodded. “Of course. That’s why we’re here.”

Applejack clambered onto the couch and leaned back. “Thing you gotta understand is, I ain’t crazy.”

“No one’s saying you’re crazy,” said Twilight.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes flicked back and forth between Applejack and the apple she still clutched in her forehooves. “Yeeeah, can I say it? Because she’s totally crazy.”

Twilight shot a glare at Rainbow Dash. “You’re not helping my patient feel safe.” She turned back to Applejack. “Now, how have you been feeling about your work lately?”

“This ain’t about my work and you know it,” said Applejack. “You’re here ‘cause of this here apple.”

Twilight pushed her spectacles further up her nose. “Your apple-related delusions are a symptom of a larger issue. We need to start with the basics.”

“Symptom, my hoof! This thing’s real as the hat on my head.”

“Ugh.” Rainbow Dash massaged her temples. “This is going nowhere, fast. Time to do things Rainbow Dash style.” She darted forward and snatched the apple out of Applejack’s hooves.

“Hey!” Applejack leaped up, but Rainbow Dash was already airborne and out of reach. “Don’t you dare hurt them folks!”

“Heh, yeah.” Rainbow Dash held the apple loosely as she zipped back and forth above the trees. “I’ll be sure not to hurt your imaginary little−” She suddenly stopped and hovered in place, looking down with wide, trembling eyes. “Twilight? Help.”

Twilight put her face in her hooves. “What is it?”

“Whatever AJ’s got, I think it’s spreading. The apple’s talking to me, too.”

“See?” said Applejack. “Told ya. It’s the real thing.”

Twilight scratched her chin. “Possible,” she said, “but I don’t want to rule out some form of mass hysteria. Rainbow Dash, bring the apple down here, please. I’d like to examine it.”

“Oh, no!” Rainbow Dash clutched the apple to her chest. “This thing is dangerous. I’m not gonna let it make you crazy, too!”

Applejack shot a severe glower up at the hovering pony. “Rainbow Miriam Dash! You get down here right now!”

“Not gonna happen!” Rainbow Dash flexed her wings once, then launched herself forward and sped away.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Why do ponies still think that will work?” Her horn glowed with power. Rainbow Dash disappeared in a flash of light, and similar flash accompanied her reappearance just above Twilight and Applejack. Rainbow Dash glanced around, made eye contact with Twilight, and zoomed off again. Two quick flashes later, she found herself back where she started once more.

Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs in front of her chest. “That is so not fair,” she said with a scowl.

Twilight peered through the lens of her microscope. “Fascinating,” she said. “It looks like your friends have built an entire tiny city down there.”

“That’s what I been trying to tell you.” Applejack wove her way around the beeping and blinking machines that filled Twilight’s laboratory and went to her friend’s side. “If you’d’ve just listened to me from the start, this would’ve been a lot easier.”

Twilight turned a knob, switching to a lens with higher magnification. “Oh, sun and moon,” she said. “There must be hundreds of the little guys, at least.”

“Tens of thousands and more,” said the faint voice of Princess Fructia. “The city you are observing is Galalicia. It may be the capital of our nation, yet still it is but one of the many cities we inhabit.”

“So what do these apple people look like?” said Rainbow Dash.

“Ponies, of course,” said Twilight. “They’re tiny, tiny ponies.” She increased the magnification again. “I can make out miniature unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies. Sweet Sisters, they’re so cute.”

“Here, let me have a look,” said Applejack. Twilight nodded and moved aside, allowing Applejack to take a position at the microscope. "Does this mean you'll help me look after these fellas now?"

"Of course," said Twilight. "We'll find a way to look after them."

“Oh bliss, oh rapture!” said Princess Fructia. “Oh rapture, oh bliss! Lady Colossus, through your efforts, others of your kind have come to recognize our existence. For this, you have our unending gratitude. What will become of our world now?”

“I don’t rightly know,” said Applejack. “Twi, you got any ideas?”

“It won’t be easy.” Twilight paced between the microscope and a table covered in flasks of colored liquids. “We can’t let anything happen to Appleachia and its inhabitants. We need to find somepony who can keep them absolutely safe.”

“Yeah, I think we can do that,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Lady Protector!” Princess Fructia’s voice cut through the silence of the cottage. “The white beast approaches!”

“Oh, my.” Fluttershy trotted to the end table on which Appleachia sat resting in a delicate china saucer. Angel was climbing the table leg paw over paw. “Now, Angel Bunny,” she said, “I’ve told you. That apple isn’t for eating. You have all your other yummy food for when you get hungry, remember?”

Angel stared at her for several seconds before he pointedly turned away and resumed climbing. He placed a paw on the tabletop and, with a final effort, heaved himself onto the flat surface.

“Oh, Angel Bunny, please leave it alone,” said Fluttershy. “I know you don’t want to hurt Princess Fructia and her friends.”

With a single hop, Angel reached the side of the saucer.

“Foul creature!” Princess Fructia shouted. “Begone, or face the wrath of the Lady Protector!”

Angel reached out to grab the apple.

Fluttershy picked Angel up by the scruff of his neck and placed him on the floor. He turned around with an indignant look, but quickly backed away once he saw the cold determination on Fluttershy’s face. “Now you listen to me.” Fluttershy drew herself up to her full height. “The ponies on that apple have feelings, and it’s not okay for you to ignore that just because you’re bigger than they are. A pony’s a pony, no matter how small. I expect you to leave that apple alone from now on, and I do not want to tell you again. Is that clear?”

Pinned as he was by the full force of Fluttershy’s glower, Angel stood frozen for several moments before he recovered enough to nod vigorously.

“Very good.” Fluttershy smiled sweetly. “I’m glad you’re so understanding, Angel Bunny. Thank you.”

“My people owe you a great debt, Lady Protector,” said Princess Fructia.

“Oh, it’s no trouble,” said Fluttershy. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You defeated the monstrosity that would have devoured all Appleachia. We will remember this day.”

“Angel’s not a monstrosity. He’s a sweetie.”

“He sought to consume my entire world!”

Fluttershy shrugged. “He seems a little rough, but he’s a big softie inside.”