The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Date Twilight Sparkle

Chapters

Chapter Two: Obligatory Chase Scene
Chapter Three: Discussion
Chapter Four: Sibling Rivalry
Chapter Five: Highly Inappropriate Behavior
Chapter Six: Shifting Allies
Chapter Seven: Being in the Royal Guard is Harder Than You'd Think
Chapter Eight: Wedding Bells
Chapter Nine: Book Hunt
Chapter Ten: The Heist
Chapter Eleven: A Dream Come True
Chapter Eleven: A Dream Come True (Heartbreak Version)
Bonus: Original Chapter Four - "Discussion"
Chapter One: Revelation

Chapter Two: Obligatory Chase Scene

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter Three: Discussion

Luna nibbled on the one (small) piece of cake she'd been allowed as things on Celestia's side of the table began to die down. Even after a nearly uncountably long lifespan, she still found herself in awe of the sheer destruction her sister could wreak when confronted by baked goods.

Celestia, for her part, was nearly euphoric, her usual state after a good cake. She inspected her plate, searching for a last few crumbs, but sadly found it clean. Levitating her fork down to the table, she gave a long, contented sigh, wiped the frosting off her face, and then bounced off the wall and crashed to the ground as the shield spell Luna had placed around the room blocked her sudden teleport.

Groaning, she dragged herself back into her chair, trying to avoid Luna's smug look.

“So, sister,” said the Princess of the Night, nearly purring, “Shall we talk about the rather interesting dream you had last night?”

“They fade so fast, dear sister,” replied Celestia, a smile on her face. “Why, I can hardly recall my most recent dreams much of the time, you know that.” She gave a light chuckle. “Speaking of interesting things, I recently heard something about the long-term prospects of soybean futures that–”

“Do not play games with us, sister,” growled Luna, eyes narrow, slamming her hooves onto the table. “We did not spend the daytime during which we should be asleep chasing thee throughout the castle, being dunked in a pond, being humiliatingly tricked by a small colt, and being forced out of a dream, just so thou canst sit there and mock us further!”

Celestia winced. Put like that, she had been acting like a bit of a foal today. “I... I'm sorry, Luna.”

Luna sighed and sat back in her chair. “As am I. I should not have snapped at you just now, nor treated your dream as some kind of joke. It is a serious matter. And so, seriously: shall we talk about the dream you had?”

Celestia closed her eyes briefly. There was still a way she could deny all this had ever happened, to her sister and to herself. Especially to herself.

“I suppose I just... worry about Twilight. To have so much thrust upon her so quickly... she is still quite young and tender, especially given the power that she now wields. I guess I just want to make sure she can handle everything.”

“And you truly believe she might become corrupted into a Nightmare version of herself, as I once was?” Luna's eyes had narrowed again and she was frowning, but she at least seemed willing to go along with the slight detour.

“I suppose not, but if she were hurt badly, if she decided some kind of extraordinary measures needed to be taken... she has a tendency to overreact a bit, at times.”

Luna let out a small snort. She had heard the stories. “But with her friends by her side, with all of us, you have to know she would never reach those extremes.”

“You are right, I suppose.” Celestia let out a small sigh, then smiled slightly, as an almost unfelt weight was lifted from her chest. With everything else that dream had revealed, her very real fears of Twilight falling to darkness had gone unnoticed. “Thank you, Luna. That actually helps a lot.”

“You are welcome, sister,” Luna replied with a graceful nod. She watched with amused interest as Celestia got up and tried to exit through the door, only to bump muzzle-first into the shield that Luna still hadn't lowered. “There is also the matter of the other little revelation from your dream.”

“There is nothing else from that dream that is of any importance,” replied Celestia icily, still facing the open door.

“Oh really? I seem to recall your actions during the 'Nightmare Twilight' part of that dream being very vocal. Something about loving her? And you were very upset when she turned to dust.”

“Of course I love her, and of course I was upset,” said Celestia, through what sounded like gritted teeth. “She is my most faithful and prized student, one who greatly surpassed all my expectations, and one of my closest friends. Why should I feel any other way?”

“That was not love for your student or friend,” said Luna accusingly, pointing a hoof at Celestia's back. “That was true love, the love for one who means more to you than all others. I believe the exact words you used were, in fact, 'my love'? Admit it. You are in love with Twilight Sparkle.”

“I... am not.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I am not.”

“You are!”

“I love her as a close friend and that is all.”

“It is not all! You love her romantically! Admit it!”

“There is nothing to admit.”

“Stop lying to me! I can hear the truth in every word you say, so why won't you just tell me you love her?!”

“BECAUSE I CAN'T LOVE HER!” Celestia spun around, the sheer force of her anger, confusion and despair vaporizing every piece of furniture in the room in a blaze of uncontrolled magic. “Because she is my student and closest friend! She can't love her teacher. At best, I can hope she sees me as a kind of... mother figure. If I told her of my feelings for her, it might very well push her into overreacting and becoming a Nightmare, like in my dream. And if not... if not, it would at the least drive a wedge between us. We have an eternity together now, and I can't risk driving her away over some stupid, unrequited love, not when we could spend that time as friends.”

With a sigh, Celestia collapsed into a sitting position. “That's what the dream was really about,” she said, almost to herself. “I wasn't scared Twilight might be driven to becoming a Nightmare for vague, undefined reasons... I was scared my love for her is what would push her to that.”

There was a long moment of silence, and then Luna, from her seat upon a pile of ashes that had once been a chair, said, “That was my favorite table. And I was quite fond of many of those chairs.”

Celestia groaned, rolling her eyes. “Can't you take anything seriously?”

“The last time I did that, I felt what it was like to be hit in the face by five megatons of harmony and friendship. Twice, in fact.” Luna crossed the room, laying next to her sister and leaning up against her. “I have learned since the importance of appreciating the absurdity of whatever situation I find myself in. For example, the absurdity of you thinking that the love you feel for your student could ever damage things between the two of you.”

“But I–” A gentle hoof suddenly covered Celestia's mouth.

“Nay, sister, it is my turn to speak. I have seen the two of you together many times. Even if she would, for some reason I can't imagine, reject you, it would do nothing to hurt your relationship. I think you would be surprised at how quickly things between you would go back to normal, no matter how awkward it might be initially. She adores you. You bring sunshine not merely to her world, but to her life and soul. I don't think there is a thing you could do to push her away. Why, even if you were to turn into a Nightmare yourself, I think Twilight would be right there by your side, helping you subjugate all of Equestria.”

Celestia couldn't help snorting as she pictured the fearsome progress that could be made if a tyrant had assistance from a pony with Twilight Sparkle's drive and organizational skills.

“You see? Feeling better already. Come, let us walk.”

They stood and made their way out into the halls, Luna's shield parting and melting away as they left the room.

“I still think I'm better off just not saying anything.” Celestia spoke in a low voice, head down. “Things are good the way they are. There's no reason to ruin it all. You say things would be normal between us even if she rejected me, but you're wrong. It would always be there, hanging over our heads, no matter how many centuries would pass.”

Luna spoke just as quietly. “And you would give up all that potential happiness and bliss? Not even give it a chance? Over what–the faint possibility of a bit of awkwardness, maybe some embarrassment? If you could survive what happened after you snuck into the 43rd Annual Equestria Cake Eating Contest, you can survive whatever might happen when you confess your love.”

“Ah, actually, you see, the thing about that is...” Celestia gave a nervous cough. “Even after you were banished ponies were still talking about it, so I kind of... struck it from all the records and forbade any mention of it.”

“What?! But it was most entertaining! That disguise spell was only meant for normal-sized ponies, not alicorns, and you ate so much you overloaded the spell's mass parameters! Ponies and cakes went flying everywhere when it failed! Magical scholars said it was an unprecedented feat! Mighty songs of that day were composed and sung!”

“Yes they were,” growled Celestia, “And that is why I had them eradicated.”

Luna sighed and shook her head. “You really do need to learn how not to take yourself so seriously, sister. But back to the matter at hoof–”

“No,” said Celestia firmly. “I have made up my mind. I... I may love Twilight Sparkle, but that love shall stay with me. I shall love her as her mentor, friend, and fellow Princess, but no more. It will hurt to hide my love, but better that hurt than the pain of rejection, of losing a friend, of losing the special bond we share.”

Luna sighed again. “I see. So your mind is made up?”

“It is.”

“You will not even give your love a chance?”

“I will not.”

“And you have no intentions to woo Twilight Sparkle?”

“I do not.”

“Soooooo... she's available?”

That tone of voice, along with the arching of her sister's eyebrows, set off warning bells in Celestia's head. Luna's nocturnal adventures had been legendary back in the day. Entire towns had found themselves declared her royal pleasure servants. Then there had been the rumors about all those foals, but that was just silly. Sure, they had all been darker shades of blue, and had moon or night related cutie marks, and all had been born within a week of each other... but really, how could something like that be possible? How would it have even worked?

“You cannot be serious.” Even Luna, who routinely experienced the chilly vacuum of outer space, found her sister's voice to be cold.

“Why not?” the Princess of the Night replied flippantly. “You have no claim on her, nor does anyone else. And this is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about. Aside from all the other times she has saved Equestria, she is the one personally responsible for freeing me from my darkness. A mare like that... that's the kind of mare a girl could fall for. I won't say I haven't considered this before.”

“I forbid it.”

Luna laughed and wrapped a foreleg around her sister's shoulders. “Come now, is this not the perfect solution? You fear for Twilight's heart; who better to hold it than your own sister? You know I'd treat her right.”

A contemplative look suddenly came over the younger Princess's face, and she pulled her hoof back to give it a slow lick. “Mmm, would I ever treat her right...”

“LUNA–”

“Huzzah, an even better solution has presented itself! We can make Twilight a part of the Royal Harem! I am willing to share if you are, sister.”

Celestia's brain found itself shutting down under the sudden strain imposed by that suggestion, and went with the least offensive objection. “Twilight is a Princess! We can't make her a part of the Harem, even if it did still exist!”

“Aww, you mean you actually did get rid of the Harem? I have been so busy I haven't had time to check up on the rumors.” Luna shook her head sadly. “Tsk tsk. No wonder you are so stressed these days. But, have no fear about adding Twilight to the Harem. Having a Princess would just make it more Royal, yes?”

“I cannot believe we are having this conversation,” ground out Celestia through clenched teeth, putting a hoof to her forehead. “Luna, under no circumstances are you to attempt to induct Twilight into the–”

She stopped, realizing her sister was no longer by her side. Darting back down the hall, she found Luna had leapt from a balcony and was now winging away into the air.

“What are you doing?!”

“I have made up my mind, sister!” Luna called back over her shoulder, a blue glow forming around her horn. “I am off to Ponyville, to declare my interests in courting the mare of my dreams!” With a burst of magic, she was gone.

Several of the patrolling guards who passed by over the next few minutes made comments on the new statue of Celestia that had been installed on the balcony. It was quite lifelike, they all agreed, although the look of horror it wore seemed quite out of place.

Finally, the stalled gears of Celestia's mind lurched back into motion.

All of Canterlot had its day interrupted by the sudden echoing shrieks of “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” Those that were in position to look towards its source found themselves nearly blinded by the flash of light from a teleportation spell.

Author's Note

Fun fact:

A small deleted scene...

There was a long moment of silence, and then Luna, from her seat upon a pile of ashes that had once been a chair, said, “That was my favorite table. And I was quite fond of many of those chairs." She gestured at another pile of ashes on one side of the room. "And I believe that servant had always been quite efficient.”

In case anyone was wondering, yes, all the servants left the room after serving the cake. That's why Luna and Celestia felt free to have a private conversation. And that's why Celestia's little outburst didn't vaporize any ponies.

Also, for the purposes of this story, we'll be assuming all the Princesses can just teleport between Ponyville and Canterlot with little to no effort. Preset magical runes in each castle, linked dimensional gateways, converging ley-lines carefully aligned, etc. etc. Pick your plot device.

Chapter Four: Sibling Rivalry

Celestia popped back into existence, hitting the cobblestones and skidding, throwing up a trail of sparks so large it threatened to set the nearby shrubbery on fire. She turned the skid into a charging gallop, racing up the stairs to Twilight's castle and crashing through the doors.

"TWILIGHT! LUNA!" she bellowed, entering the castle's main hall at full speed. "YOU—"

She stopped in place instantly, the crystal under her hooves momentarily igniting from the friction, as she realized both Princesses were right there and only just starting to climb the main staircase.

"Oh."

"Princess Celestia! You made it after all!" came Twilight's happy response. "Luna told me you couldn't be here for this visit."

"That's because she told me she couldn't." Luna's response was less welcoming, and Twilight pulled back as the Night Princess brushed past her to stand in front of Celestia. "In fact, she made it very clear that she had no interest whatsoever."

Celestia's eyes narrowed. "Maybe I just needed to think about what it would mean not to be here. Maybe I needed a bit more time than just a few minutes to think it over."

The two began circling each other warily, eyes locked.

"You have no right, you know. To get my hopes up like that, after everything you said, and then just change your mind?" said Luna, almost casually.

"Um..."

"This, coming from the mare who practically insisted I do this?" Celestia moved lithely as she circled, hooves lifting high, muscles tensed. "All of this is your doing, sister. Had you kept quiet, I wouldn't even be here right now."

"UM."

Twilight sounded nearly frantic now. Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out, Celestia turned to face the smaller alicorn, deliberately turning her back to her sister.

"I'm sorry, Twilight, I shouldn't have been ignoring you," she said, a warm smile on her face. "It's just that Luna's been up all day and she's a bit grumpy." A snort of anger came from behind her, and Celestia's smile curled upwards a bit more. One point for her.

"Oh. Y-you're not fighting, are you? I mean, that doesn't usually end well..."

"No, it's not a fight at all, dear Twilight," said Luna, moving forward to stand next to Celestia. "Just an argument. You see, we both wish to have the same piece of... delicious pie."

Twilight tilted her head curiously. "Really? I mean, I could understand if it was cake, but I've never seen Celestia—or you, for that matter, Luna—get so worked up about pie."

Celestia puffed her cheeks out angrily while Luna giggled, but then she shook herself and regained her composure.

"Yes, well, it's a very special piece of pie," said Celestia, leaning over to glare directly into the face of her sister, who just stuck out her tongue. "It's a piece of pie I've known for a very long time and it means a lot to me."

"Ooookay," said Twilight slowly. "Well, while you two are having a rational argument that totally isn't a fight, how would you like me to show you around the castle? I know you've both been here before, but I never got to give you the full tour, and I've been doing some remodeling lately so there's new stuff to see."

"That sounds absolutely lovely," declared Luna, breaking off her glare to trot up and stand far too close to Twilight. "I'm always excited to learn more about you."

"And I'd love to see what you've done with your home," said Celestia, flanking Twilight from the other side, "I'm sure it will be astounding."

"Wonderful!" said Twilight excitedly, starting to trot down the hall as the two sisters locked horns and glared at each other behind her. "Oh, are you two hungry at all? I can have Spike put something together for when we finish the tour."

She looked back at the other Princesses, who were smiling pleasantly.

"I could eat."

"A snack sounds perfect."

"Great!" Twilight moved on, followed by two sisters exchanging furious glares and bumping each other with their shoulders.

"And this is the other otherlibrary," declared Twilight happily, leading them into yet another room lined with book-filled shelves.

"How... spectacular," said a bored, tired-sounding Luna.

Celestia, on the other hoof, bounded around almost as enthusiastically as Twilight. That was another point on her side; Luna had little interest in literature, but Twilight and Celestia had always shared predilection for the scholarly. She hardly even noticed the minor victory as she scanned the shelves.

"These books seem awfully familiar," she mused slyly, casting a glance at Twilight as she ran a hoof along a row of books. "Fantastic Abjurations, 101 Useful (and poisonous) Herbs, Pentagrams and You, Changeling Courtship Rituals, the fifth edition of Starswirl's Treatise on Harmony... This library is filled with all the books I lent you when you first got the castle, isn't it?"

Twilight flushed slightly, avoiding the Princess's eyes. "I just wanted to make sure I could give them all back to you when you asked for them."

Celestia chuckled, moving a few steps closer to the smaller Princess. "I told you, Twilight, they're yours for as long as you need. I'm not lacking in books; you know what the Royal Library is like. And besides, I'm always just a teleport away..."

Luna narrowed her eyes at the two ponies gazing at each other. "You have so many books in this castle, I'm surprised there's room for anything else," she said stiffly. "I know how much you enjoy reading, but surely you have some other hobbies?"

"Well, maybe," said Twilight, moving away from Celestia, who threw a glare at her sister.

Twilight cocked an eyebrow upwards. "Would you be surprised to hear I'm interested in things like, say, stargazing?"

"Not surprised, no, but... are thou truly interested in our stars?"

"Take a look at the balcony over there", said Twilight smugly, indicating one side of the room with a toss of her head.

Luna turned, and her mouth fell open as she caught sight of the enormous telescope sitting in front of the open balcony doors. It gleamed in the evening sun, brass trimming and gears throwing spots of light in all directions, dark blue casing polished to a bright metallic shine.

"Most impressive," said Luna, trotting up to the eyepiece. "Is this a sixteen inch?"

"Eighteen!" replied Twilight happily. "I had to upgrade it because I wasn't getting the resolution I wanted."

"And you polish the mirrors with magic, of course..." Luna glanced back over her shoulder, a small smile on her face.

"Please," sneered Twilight, smiling as well. "And potentially introduce arcane artifacts into the optics? I hoof polish them with a fresh cotton cloth every week."

"Your interest in my night skies is most flattering," said Luna, walking back over to Twilight. "Perhaps I shall create a special sky some night soon. One just for you..."

"Oh Twilight," interrupted Celestia, voice strained. "Why don't you come sit over here?" She indicated a reading couch across from the one she was sitting in. "Now that the tour is done, we can talk while we wait."

"Okay, Princess Celestia!" Twilight trotted over happily and settled herself into the seat, unaware of the pout on Luna's face.

"Oh no, Luna," said Celestia, putting a wing over her mouth in mock horror. "It looks like there aren't any seats left for you!"

"That's okay," replied Luna smugly, trotting over to Twilight's couch. "I can just sit next to Twilight. It looks very comfy there."

She settled onto the cushions, snuggling up tight against Twilight, enjoying the glare on Celestia's red face. Biting her lower lip suggestively, she raised one wing, stretching it out over Twilight and slowly lowering it down. Just before she was able to embrace Twilight, a bell rang.

"Ah, that's Spike!" cried Twilight, springing from the couch. "The snacks must be done. I'll be right back!" With that, she trotted from the room.

As the door closed behind Twilight, Luna turned slowly to face Celestia. "And just what do you think you are doing here?" she asked in a low voice.

"Exactly what you advised me to, sister," replied Celestia smugly. "You said I should follow my heart, that I should let Twilight know of my feelings for her and attempt to pursue a relationship. I thought about it after you left and decided you were right, so here.. I... am."

"You just can't stand to see me have anything you don't have, can you?" said Luna after a moment. "You were all ready to throw everything you felt away, but the moment I said I wanted the same thing, you went running to steal it from me as soon as possible."

"W-what?" Celestia's mouth fell open in shock. "Luna, no, I'd never—"

"Then you think I don't deserve her?" Luna shot back. "I'm not good enough for your Twilight?"

"Luna, no... I..." Celestia hung her head. "You're right. It was foolish and selfish of me to come after you like this, especially after I had made it clear I had no interest. I'll leave now, and I won't interfere anymore."

She got up and made to leave, only to be stopped by the look of sheer incredulity on her sister's face.

"No," said Luna, shaking her head, voice sounding nearly stunned. "No."

"I-I don't understand, Luna. I'm doing what you want—"

"No you're not!" cried Luna, leaping to her hooves as well. "You're doing the same thing you always do!"

"Luna, what—"

"Stop trying to be perfect. This is what you always do. You think you have to handle everything yourself, that any bit of work or responsibility has to be on you. You make all the sacrifices; I hate watching you do that."

Luna leaned forward on the table in between the two seats, and Celestia's eyes widened in alarm. Luna's mane was whipping around wildly, the way it had when she was Nightmare Moon.

"And you still aren't treating me as your equal! I'm glad you aren't ignoring me anymore, but that doesn't mean I want you to just give me everything I ask for!"

"Luna, I... I don't..." Celestia scraped a hoof on the floor. "Tell me what to do?" she asked in a small voice.

Luna glowered back. "Do something that's good for yourself for once! Be selfish, do what you want to do. And treat me as your equal! I'm not just your sister; I'm a rival suitor, here to steal the heart of your beloved! How are you going to respond to that?"

Celestia took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

She thought of her dream, how she had felt when Twilight said she was in love with another... the way her heart had seemed to break into pieces. Then she tried to imagine that same feeling, except this time Twilight wasn't just with any pony, but Celestia's own sister. Seeing the two of them, right there in her castle, every single day for the rest of eternity…

But I love them both, part of her spoke up. I should be happy to see them together.

She struggled with that thought for a moment, then ruthlessly quashed it. How long had she unknowingly carried this torch for Twilight? How many years had it been? And how long had Luna felt the same—mere hours. She'd said she had considered it before, but this was clearly the first time she ever did so seriously. At best it was an infatuation, another one of Luna's whims. There would be no guilt on Celestia's head if she were to win Twilight's heart.

And besides, another part of her, deep inside, snarled, I deserve something in my life besides just ruling over Equestria.

She opened her eyes again, and Luna flinched as a small piece of the sun blazed out at her.

"I was once known as Sol Invicta; The Unconquered Sun. I may rule my kingdom in harmony and peace, but as you well know, it was not formed that way. In all the battles, in all the court intrigues, in all the assassination attempts, but one pony emerged victorious: myself. And now you truly wish to test yourself against that force? You may make that mistake if you wish, dear sister, but know that it is Sol Invicta herself you will be facing. And you shall not triumph."

Celestia suddenly stopped, putting a hoof to her mouth in shock. "Oh my. Luna, I'm sorry–"

"Bravo, sister," said Luna quietly. She clapped her hooves, then bowed. "I yield."

"W-what?!"

"Twilight is yours. Or at least, the first attempt is. Just know that if you mess this up somehow, I'll be waiting to jump on her like a changeling at a wedding reception."

"What about all that talk about treating each other as equals?!" cried Celestia.

Luna let out a chuckle. "I said I wanted you to treat me as your equal. As I am the best Princess, I have no need to treat you as my equal."

"But–"

"And your passion moved me, sister." Luna moved out from behind the table, standing closer to Celestia. "It was good to see you so animated about something for once. I have hardly seen you so since my return; I was starting to think you'd lost that fire within yourself during the years I was away."

She shrugged, turning and moving away again. "Besides, I am well aware that my romantic interests tend to be rather... fickle. Any relationship between Twilight and myself would be fairly fleeting, I fear. The citizenry may not enjoy it if two of their Princesses were to have a simple dalliance, or 'fling', as they call it in their new modern parlance."

"Luna, were you..." Celestia scowled at Luna. "Was this just all a trick? Just a way to force me to confront Twilight and confess my feelings?!"

"Of course not, sister!" replied Luna, laughing. "Or at least, not solely that. I fully intended to woo Twilight when I arrived here. Had you truly given in, I would have wrecked that mare like Tirek."

"Luna, for Heaven's sake—"

Celestia clamped her mouth shut as the door opened and Twilight trotted in, a tray of muffins held in her magical grasp. "Snacks are here!" she announced cheerfully.

"I am sorry, Twilight Sparkle," said Luna, "but I must depart now before tasting your delightful-smelling baked goods. Well..." A muffin separated itself from the tray, enveloped in the glow of Luna's magic, and stuffed itself into the Princess's mouth.

"Delicious," she declared with a spray of crumbs.

"Do you really have to go now?" Twilight asked in a disappointed tone.

"Regrettably, I am afraid I must," replied Luna, head down as she moved away.

"Luna, wait," said Celestia, moving over for a quick nuzzle with her sister. "Thank you. For forcing me to recognize my own blindness and folly, and for being so gracious in defeat."

"Think nothing of it. While I had my interests, they were clearly no match for your passion. Although..." The look Luna gave Twilight was so intense that the small alicorn blushed without quite knowing why. "I will admit to being a bit... disappointed."

With a sigh, she moved towards the balcony. "In any case, it is late and I have much to do this night. I shall see you both some other time."

"Goodbye, sister," said Celestia, walking with her as she exited. "And again, thank you."

"Just do one thing for me," said Luna, turning to give her sister one of the dirtiest, most lustful winks Celestia had ever seen. "Give her hell."

The Lunar Princess leapt up and into the sky, and disappeared a moment later.

"Excuse me, Princess, but what exactly is going on here?" asked a confused Twilight as she climbed back onto the couch across from Celestia. "I mean, you two show up out of nowhere, then spend the whole night arguing about... something while I show you around the castle. Then once we're finally getting ready to settle down and talk, Luna leaves, just like that? What is going on here?"

Celestia munched on a muffin to smother her giggle at Twilight's reaction. She was so adorable. "I'm sorry, Twilight. This night was sort of spur-of-the-moment. But don't worry, I'll be staying. I have no plans to leave until morning."

"Okay! It would have been nice to have Luna here too, but I always like to spend time with you."
Celestia felt her cheeks heat up at the compliment. "Thank you, Twilight. I enjoy spending time with you as well."

They sat there, smiling at each other across the table, until Twilight began to grow restless.

"Um, Princess—"

"Oh my!" Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, and gave her head a shake, trying to clear it. "I-I'm sorry, my mind must be wandering. Do you want to, um, talk about... something?"

"Sure!"

Once again, silence reigned in the crystalline library.

"Um—"

"Oh! I suppose I should, um, bring up something to talk about, yes? Since it was me who suggested it and all, hahahahaha!" Celestia's eyes began to dart around the room, searching frantically for a topic. "So you sure have a, um, nice castle here? Very... pretty."

Like you, she desperately wanted to add.

"Yes, I'm really starting to appreciate it," said Twilight, a wave of her indicating the castle as a whole. "I still miss the old library, but I'm sure I'll make some good memories here as well."

Celestia didn't reply, enraptured by Twilight's appearance. Her eyes, always so bright and interested. The stripes in her mane, adding a bit of color to what could otherwise have been a mane that was too dark. Celestia's gaze moved down and back. Her wings, once so stiff and clumsy were now finally beginning to move naturally. Celestia's eyes moved further back. Her cutie mark, the same symbol Celestia had seen centuries ago upon the Tree of Harmony, now upon Twilight's flank.

Celestia's eyes moved back along Twilight's body once again—

"Um, hello, Equestria to Princess Celestia?" Twilight waved a hoof at the monarch, a puzzled look on her face. "Are you alright? You're looking a bit flushed."

Celestia suddenly jerked back to reality, face red and feeling like it was burning hotter than her sun. "Ah! Twilight! I, uh, I just, uh... Ineedtodosomethingbye!" With a flash of light, she was gone.

Twilight stared at the spot on the couch where her Princess had been, mouth agape. Finally, she just shook her head. "That was weird. Is it a full moon out tonight or something? Well, that would explain Luna, but not Celestia. I should check the spectroscopes, see if they've picked up any sunspots lately..."

Celestia appeared back in her bedroom, and with a sigh collapsed onto her bed. "I am a coward," she said, to no one in particular.

"And a fool, and perhaps a bit too fond of cake, and many other things," came a voice from behind her. She jerked around, then relaxed as she realized her sister was on her room's balcony.

"Luna? What are you...?"

"I was waiting for the foolish, cowardly pony," replied Luna, strolling into the room and alongside the bed. "I teleported right here. I figured if you didn't arrive within ten minutes or so, I'd be good to leave you."

"I couldn't do it," said Celestia, head flopping back down. "I just... she was right there in front of me, and all my nerve just evaporated."

"It's okay, dear sister. It's been many centuries since you last attempted a relationship, after all. Well, aside from one with that thing I found in the bottom drawer of your dresser—"

"LUNA!"

"But have no fear! We shall give you all the assistance you require in making Twilight Sparkle your own! The letter has been sent, and on the morrow your education in the ways of romance shall begin. We will not rest until you have become a siege engine of seduction, aimed squarely at your love!"

"Luna, what do you mean by 'the letter'—wait, that wasn't the Royal We, was it? Oh Goddess, who did you call?" Celestia tried to get up, but suddenly found herself being pushed back down and maneuvered onto the pillows by her sister.

"Shh, Celestia, rest," said Luna,her horn glowing faintly. "You have had a busy day, and you will need your strength for tomorrow."

Celestia recognized the effects of her sister's power over sleep, and for a moment tried to resist. Especially after how ominous that last sentence was. But she had had a long day, and knowing she would have nothing but peaceful dreams made her decide to give in. She watched her sister gently close the door behind herself, and drifted off to sleep.

Twilight grumbled as she descended the steps.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," she snarled as the knocking at the door boomed throughout her castle once again. "What do you—Princess Celestia?!"

"Hello, Twilight," said the Monarch of the Sun, smiling and tilting her head slightly. "How are you doing this night?"

"Uh, fine, Princess. But what are you doing here?"

"Why, do I need a reason to visit my most faithful student?"

The mild admonishment made Twilight flush and look away. "N-no, of course not. But... you just left, and now you're back a few minutes later."

For a moment there was an expression of utter panic on the older alicorn's face, but it disappeared quickly. "I thought I had to go but, as it turns out, I do not. I would much rather be here with you than do... whatever it was I was going to do instead."

"Well, I'm happy to hear that, I guess. I really had been looking forward to spending more time with you."

"And I with you." Celestia sat back, spreading her wings and extending her forelegs. There was no need to say anything, and Twilight moved eagerly forward to hug her Princess.

"I'm really glad to see you," she said quietly, nuzzling up against Celestia's chest as the alabaster alicorn's forelegs and wings embraced her.

"Me too, Twilight," said Celestia, eyes flashing green for a moment as she looked down at the smaller Princess.

"Me too."

Author's Note

First off, big thanks to ShutterflyYay, who is now proofing this story. The ponies will now have less hands and feet.

Fun fact:

Sooooo, this chapter. AKA the 'Emergency Rewrite Chapter'.

The original version of this was basically another dream sequence: Luna and Celestia start fighting in Twilight's castle, and it quickly turns into an over-the-top fight sequence, ending with the world being destroyed.

But that was just an illusion! In reality, Luna and Celestia are still standing in Twilight's hall, their thoughts connected by a spell that lets them 'debate' emotionally.

Sadly, and embarrassingly, it took me over half a year to realize that I'd essentially done another dream sequence just 3 chapters after the first one.

My initial, lazy thought was 'oh well, I'll just leave it in, whatever'. But reactions to the first chapter reminded me how much people hate dream sequences. And that chapter was just the start, before the story had had a chance to get going and any kind of connection to the characters and the situation could form. Another dream sequence would ruin quite a lot of what's been built up and pretty much kill any momentum the story has.

So, I cut out the middle ~75% and replaced it. I think it comes off a lot better, and still carries across the themes of this chapter, which are basically Celestia being forced to confront what it would be like if she doesn't even try to pursue her feelings.

I'll post the original version of this chapter as a bonus after the last chapter goes up. It's still a really fun fight scene. I think the part where Luna uses the moon as a weapon is my favorite.

Also, those book titles Celestia is browsing? Let's just say two of them are very important to this story.

Chapter Five: Highly Inappropriate Behavior

Celestia had a smile on her face as she woke from her restful sleep. She sprang from her bed, the sun rising with her as she did, and the day began.

It was going to be a good day, she could feel it. She felt it as she brushed her flowing mane, humming happily. She felt it as she donned her regalia and made sure it was all fitting properly. She felt it as she practically skipped through the halls, nodding at the precisely placed guards along her path. She felt it as she went about her daily routine, even during the boring meetings. She felt it as she sat at the table, sipping her afternoon tea.

And she felt—literally, physically felt—that feeling drain away when she heard a high-pitched “Eeeeeee!” followed by a pink pony entering the room.

“Ohmygosh! This is so great!” squealed Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, bouncing around the room. “Is it true? Have you really finally found a pony you want to be your special somepony and you need my help to confess your love?!”

Celestia managed, with some effort, to resist putting a hoof to her forehead. Luna being involved in all this had been bad enough. What she had forgotten was her sister's ability to take any situation, no matter how embarrassing or awkward, and make it a thousand times worse. On the list of ponies that she wanted to know about this situation, there was exactly one, in all of Equestria, that ranked lower than her sister. And Luna had managed to find that pony and immediately summon her to the palace. That was legitimately impressive; it was almost a superpower.

“What you have just said is broadly true,” said Celestia, taking care to keep herself from gritting her teeth as she spoke. “Did Luna... tell you anything else? Like who the pony is?”

“No! She said she'd leave that up to you. So who is it?”

Silently, Celestia sighed in relief. The one tactful bone in Luna's body had managed to make itself heard.

“I think I'd rather not tell you. No offense, and I'm sorry, but for now I'd like to just keep it to myself. I would still appreciate any advice you have to give, though.”

“Can I guess?!” Before Celestia could reply, the Love Princess started. “Hoity Toity!”

Celestia smiled slightly. “No. But onto the matter at hoof—”

“Photo Finish!”

“I'm not saying I haven't let her take risque pictures of me for her 'private collection', but no. Now—”

“Derpy Hooves!”

“I don't even know who that is! Listen—”

“Braeburn! No, wait, that's apparently everypony else in Equestria.”

Rolling her eyes, Celestia decided to just stay quiet and drink her tea until the other Princess ran out of steam.

“Twilight Sparkle!”

Alicorns are far stronger than all other ponies, but what most don't realize is that it is not merely their larger physical size that gives them such power. The magic that fills and sustains their bodies also contributes to that strength. The magic an alicorn has grows as they age, and Celestia, as the eldest of the alicorns, was also one of the most physically powerful creatures on the planet. Her chest muscles alone could have moved a mountain.

Thus, when she sprayed her tea from her mouth, it was as though she were pressure-washing the opposite wall. Where once there had been a decorative fresco depicting the sun rising over Canterlot was now a perfectly flat section of stone, dripping with tea.

“That's silly, you're right. Sorry for even suggesting it,” Cadance said with a slight giggle. “I mean, that's Twilight we're talking about. Your own student, who you practically raised from a filly.”

“Y-yeah,” Celestia managed to gasp out.

“Well, enough of that. Come on! It's time for your first lesson!”

“W-what?!” cried Celestia, as Cadance began to drag her from the room. “I thought you would just tell me what to do! Give me some advice on how to stay confident when talking to Tw—the pony I love! And I can't just leave Equestria without its Princess to go running around for my own selfish reasons!”

“Don't worry about that, I got it all worked out with your advisers. They can handle most of your daily tasks by themselves, you know. You work too hard, you need this break. And you've been away from the romance scene for far too long! You need some hoofs-on experience!”

“The Prancing Pony?” said the pegasus who was definitely named Sunny Skies and not Celestia, staring up at the sign on the building she stood in front of. Something about the sign, maybe its neon lights, or the way the pony on it seemed to dance, was making her suspicious.

“That's right,” said the unicorn whose name was, despite any Sun Princess's objections, Lovey Dovey. “It's one of the best clubs in Canterlot. I'm not surprised you haven't heard of it, though.”

“Yes, this isn't really my part of town. Not that there's anything wrong with it; I'm just not really the 'go out to clubs and dance' kind of Princess.”

Celestia looked over as Cadance snickered. “What?”

“Nothing. Come on, let's go in.”

“Were the disguises necessary?” asked Celestia as they entered. “I know seeing Princesses can cause a stir, but that's not really a reason to—”

She stopped, mouth dropping open as she took in the scene around her. The Prancing Pony was an accurate name; those ponies up on the stage were definitely prancing, not to mention doing quite a lot of other things with their hips and tails. And now she realized what had been bothering her about the sign out front: the pony dancing on it had seemed to be holding onto an invisible pole. These poles, on the other hoof, were very definitely visible. And the ponies were using them for a lot more than dancing.

“Cadance!” hissed Celestia, turning to the grinning pony next to her. “You brought me to a plot club?!”

“It's a classy one!” Cadance objected, gesturing with her head for Celestia to follow, which she did reluctantly. “One of the most popular in all of Canterlot, like I said.”

“I thought you were going to teach me about love, not lust,” said Celestia grumpily.

“Don't be such a prude, Auntie. Lust is a big part of love. There's no love if you can't appreciate somepony's mind and personality, of course, but there is a reason it's called love at first sight.”

They took a seat near the center stage, ordering a few drinks to blend in and help them relax. Especially Celestia, who didn't seem at all comfortable with her surroundings.

“You seem particularly interested in that mare,” said Cadance slyly after a few minutes, and Celestia hurriedly looked away, blushing. The earth pony had a coat that was nearly a very familiar shade of purple.

“But you seem to be enjoying some of the stallions, too,” continued Cadance. “Are you really into...?”

“Both, yes,” said Celestia, looking down, blush intensifying. “After a few thousand years, your interests grow, and you start to realize there are attractive points to both genders...”

“No need to explain to me. Princess of Love, remember? That means all love. In fact, this one time, at flight camp–”

She cut off as a brilliant light suddenly flooded the stage, and the dancers began to move back through the curtains.

“Oh, no, I knew I should have checked the schedule for today,” she moaned to herself.

“What's happening?” asked Celestia.

“Um, well, you see... sometimes they do... special performances here. With... costumes and such, dancers dressed up like... celebrities, that kind of thing.”

“Oh. So, they dress as guards or nurses, or famous ponies like Sapphire Shores?”

“Yeah, kiiiiiind of like that.”

The unicorn that emerged from the light was tall and slender, with a white coat. The actual color of her mane was difficult to deduce, as it had either been dyed multiple colors or had extensions added to it. The effect was striking, and strangely familiar looking. The reason for that familiarity became clear when the mare moved forward and turned slightly, revealing large cardboard wings strapped to her back and a cutie mark that had been carefully painted over with one in the shape of the sun.

“What. Is. The meaning. Of this.”

“Calm down, Celestia, calm down!” said Cadance hurriedly. “It's just a theme show! Ponies like to see famous ponies, ponies they like and respect, dancing, um, suggestively.”

“Oh, I'll make them dance.”

“I said calm down!” Cadance put a hoof on Celestia's shoulder, pushing her back into her seat. “Do you think you're the only one they do this with? The one who's supposed to be me barely even looks like me. Way too short. Twilight has an impersonator too now, I've heard, and she's supposed to be pretty good.”

The thought of Twilight dancing like that, even if it was in front of a group of cheering, leering ponies, did a better job at calming Celestia down than anything else Cadance had said. Well, not so much calming her down as giving her other things to consider. In fact, taken objectively, this was actually almost flattering. She supposed she could see why her ponies would like this kind of thing.

And that was when the dark blue pegasus, with a horn tied to her forehead, stepped onto the stage from a pitch black corner.

“I am going to bucking kill everypony in the building!”

“Okay, look,” said Cadance, struggling to hold down the writhing pony next to her. “I told you there were lots of them! Do you want to hear about the others?”

“Oh, I'm sure this will be a joy,” Celestia huffed, finally settling down and sitting back with her forelegs crossed.

“Well, I happen to really like the Nightmare Moon dancer—” Cadance looked over at the gagging sounds from Celestia. “Oh, come on! Did you see her flanks? Makes me glad we aren't really related...”

More gagging from Celestia.

“Fine, you think that's bad? How do you think I feel about coming here and seeing a dancer dressed up like Chrysalis?”

That got a giggle from Celestia, and Cadance rolled her eyes. “Yeah, laugh it up,” she said, then got a more interested look on her face. “Speaking of my past villains, I actually really like the Sombra one. They do this amazing thing with fog machines and cardboard crystals… not a fan of the Tirek dancer, though.”

“How does that even work?!” cried Celestia, the dancers portraying her and her sister temporary forgotten.

“Paper-mache torso, arms and head. I think the eye holes are somewhere around his nipples, but it’s hard to be sure with the lighting in here.”

The two disguised alicorns shared a laugh.

“See? There's nothing bad about this,” said Cadance. “It's perfectly natural, and kind of flattering, in a way.”

“I guess so,” said Celestia reluctantly. “I'm just glad you didn't tell me there's a Discord dancer.”

“Ah. Um, no there isn't.” Cadance coughed, clearing her throat nervously. “He... actually comes in here himself for that.”

“I'm going to throw up now,” announced Celestia. “You may want to stand back.”

“We're horses, we can't throw up,” pointed out Cadance helpfully.

“I am a mighty alicorn. If I wish to throw up, my will shall be done. The spray of vomit shall be magnificent and majestic. Poems will be written about it.”

“Let's just watch the show, okay? The dancers are really good, if you give them a chance and pay attention.”

They were quite skillful, Celestia had to admit. Their lithe, athletic bodies flowed easily as they wove across the stage, not dancing together but each one's movements still complementing the others'. In way, it was like watching the dance in the heavens of the moon and sun. Celestia found herself oddly touched by that aspect of their choreography, as the two dancers moved to the center pole and spun around it. Rearing up, the two ponies balanced against the pole as they began to—

“WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO EACH OTHER?!”

This street was quiet and peaceful in the afternoon; it generally didn't get much traffic until night had fallen. But that tranquility was shattered as the door of The Prancing Pony was suddenly thrown open.

“NOTHING BUT ASHES!” howled the pegasus as she was dragged out of the club and hauled down the street by a unicorn using all of her physical and magical strength. “WE SHALL BRING THE MIGHT OF OUR SUN DOWN UPON THEE, TO SMITE THY UNCLEAN ESTABLISHMENT FROM THE FACE OF OUR LAND! THOU WILL KNOW THE FULL MEANING OF FURY ONCE WE HAVE—”

Celestia cut off as Cadance finished carrying her into the mouth of an alley and struck her across the face with a hoof. She looked at Cadance, blinking. “What was that for?”

Cadance sighed and rolled her eyes. “I had to do something to get you to stop raving like a mad pony.”

“Did you see what those dancers back there were doing?!” cried Celestia, waving a hoof back in the direction they had come from. “That was me, and my sister, and we were... we...”

“Yes, I saw it. I've also seen 'myself' doing similar things with Chrysalis, not to mention Sombra and Tirek. Mmm, although the Sombra/Tirek dancers together... ahem! Anyway. You need to get control of yourself.”

“Yes, of course. We don't want any collateral damage, just need to kill the ponies in the club. No innocents.”

“Will you stop it?!” demanded Cadance. “You're the last pony who should be complaining about this.”

"And what is that supposed to mean?!" growled Celestia, prompting an angry sigh from her niece.

“Do you remember...” said Cadance slowly, looking upwards, not meeting Celestia's gaze, “when I stayed over at your palace one night when I was a teenager, and you had to go off to take care of one crisis of the state or another? I started snooping around your room a bit... and inside your mattress I found a notebook you had filled with a story you'd written. The name on the cover was 'Princest is Wincest'...”

"Hey, you know what would be great? Moving along and forgetting anything like this ever happened," said Celestia hurriedly, starting to trot away down the street.

I need to burn that thing when I get back, thought Celestia as she walked. Or... maybe I'll just hide it better.

For a time, they trotted along in silence, Celestia leading the way.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cadance asked as they neared a street corner.

"No," Celestia replied shortly.

"Are you sure? I am the Princess of Love, and that means all kinds of love—"

"I wrote that along time ago, Luna had been banished only a few years before and I thought things could have been different if—it's not important, it was just a silly story. So let's just... drop it."

"Okay, okay." Cadance managed to stay silent for a moment, then said, "Um, I'm sorry about reading your story. I realize I was kind of invading your privacy by doing that..."

"Don't worry about it," said Celestia brusquely.

"You know, the writing was actually pretty good. You have a real talent for prose—"

“I said we're dropping this conversation,” Celestia growled, jerking her head towards the end of the street. “Now come on, I want to get back to the castle before—”

“Nonono!” Cadance grabbed Celestia's hoof and began to pull her down the street in the opposite direction from the castle. “There's still some other clubs I had on my list!”

“M-more?! After that disaster?”

“They won't all be like that,” said Cadance firmly, dragging the whimpering pegasus behind her. “Now come on. I have so much to teach you!”

“Thank the Goddess that's over,” moaned Celestia, collapsing into the floor of one of the palace halls and letting her disguise fall off. “I think I'm sick of watching other pony's rears jiggle around. You actually made me overdose on that somehow.”

“Oh, stop your complaining.” Cadance naturally looked fresh as a rose; if anything, her energy levels had risen after the day's... experiences. “Being comfortable with others' bodies is the first step to becoming comfortable with yours. And that's the first step to being confident enough to tell a pony you love them.”

“This body has seen empires rise and fall. It has raised them itself, and caused the fall of others. I am perfectly comfortable with my body.”

“Good!” Cadance clapped her hooves together. “Then you shouldn't have a problem with the talk about toys I have planned for tonight! We'll start off simple, with just the basic rubber and plastic ones, but then we can move on to the fun stuff, like—”

Celestia's eyes grew wider and wider as Cadance listed off her 'little helpers' and what they were used for, until finally there was a bright flash of light.

“ —the trick is to relax, of course, because otherwise when you pull them out, they—”

Cadance stopped, realizing she'd been teleported to the guest room and was talking to a mirror. She sighed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

“Auntie is such a prude! I almost feel bad for whatever pony she's in love with.”

“That niece of mine is such a pervert! I feel bad for Shining Armor.” Celestia paused for a moment, then gave a shrug. “Unless he's into that kind of stuff, I guess.”

She stopped pacing and forced herself to sit on her balcony to try and relax. Which worked, as always. Very few things made her as happy as sitting there and looking out over Canterlot, the pride of her life.

Well, one of the prides, she thought, an image of Twilight in her mind.

Once she had calmed down, she made herself think back over the day. It had been... not too bad, she supposed. It had been a revelation to find out that her ponies thought of her as something of a sex Goddess. The sheer number of plot clubs that had made some reference to herself or her sister had been disturbing, if somewhat flattering. A small giggle made it past her lips as she recalled a certain 'Full Moon' club. It was a shame she couldn't tell Luna about that one.

Above all, she came to realize, the day had done wonders to raise her confidence regarding Twilight. At the least, she knew that any embarrassment she might experience while confessing her feelings would pale compared to what she had gone through on this day.

A knock at the door caused her head to perk up.

Strange... I don't recognize the knock, she mused as she made her way across the bedroom. Who could be knocking on the door to my personal sanctum that I don't know…?

“Yes? Who is...” The words died in her throat as the door swung open to reveal a small alicorn smiling up at her.

“Hello, Celestia,” said Twilight Sparkle.

Author's Note

Fun fact:

Yet another chapter that suffered from 'unnecessarily complex spell for a simple joke that doesn't add anything to the story' syndrome.

Originally, Cadance had blocked all her memories of Celestia's little self-insert fanfic with something called a 'memory lock'. Essentially it was a spell that could lock away memories, leaving them only to be recalled under specific circumstances.

So, after Celestia saw the dancers impersonating herself and her sister and got upset, that ended up triggering the lock Cadance had put on her memories of the story. Then Celestia didn't know why Cadance had a memory lock, and thought her own violent behavior was triggering it, meaning Cadance could be getting ready to attack with some big spell because she thought Celestia was becoming a tyrant...

It was a mess, and I replaced it all. Which is kind of a theme for much of this story.

Chapter Six: Shifting Allies

“H-hello, Twilight,” said Celestia, involuntarily stepping back a pace. “I didn't… what are you doing here?”

“Why, do I need a reason to visit my favorite teacher?” Twilight walked into the room, accidentally brushing up against Celestia and making the larger mare flush.

“N-no, it's just that I'm surprised to see you.”

“Well,” said Twilight, settling down on her haunches near the center of the room, “I just wanted to stop by and catch up with you after you left so suddenly last night. That's okay, isn't it? If we just talk for a bit?”

“Of course.”

Celestia took a deep breath as she moved towards her student. This is it, don't chicken out now. You have to tell her…

“Twilight? Can I… tell you something? Something important and personal?”

“Of course! You can tell me anything. We're such close friends, after all.”

“Yes, and I hope we still will be afterward.” Celestia pawed at the marble floor nervously. “You see, the thing is… we are close friends, and I've known you for so long, and you mean so much to me, and… and… Twilight, I love you.”

A look of surprise took over the purple alicorn's face, and was replaced by a large smile. “Well, I know that, of course. And I love you too. After all, we've been student and teacher for so long that—MMPH?!”

Celestia hadn't heard a word past the apparent reciprocation of her love, and, moving forward, planted her lips firmly on Twilight's. One hoof moved around to the smaller pony's back, holding her in place, which was good as otherwise Twilight would have pulled away immediately.

Breaking contact, Celestia stood up again, using one wing to turn Twilight around and then draping it over her to lead her across the room.

“C-Celestia, what was… w-what are you…” Dazed by the kiss, Twilight only realized she'd been half-carried to the bed when wings suddenly scooped her up, depositing her on her back on the mattress.

Before she could move, Celestia slid on top of her, planting kisses along her neck and nibbling at her ears, moves that left the small alicorn distracted and helpless.

“W-wait Celestia—“ Twilight tried to protest, only to be cut off as Celestia's lips once again locked against her own.

Twilight squirmed uncomfortably under the larger pony, trying in vain to get out from underneath her. Celestia, for her part, took her student's desperation to be wiggles of delight, despite the fact that her mouth was shut firmly, denying the Solar Monarch's tongue entrance no matter how much she tried.

Panting and gasping, the two finally broke apart.

“Celestia—” Twilight tried protesting again, which was a mistake. Taking advantage of Twilight’s attempts to talk, Celestia darted forward, her tongue finally invading her student's mouth.

Twilight’s eyes went wide, and she began to struggle more frantically, but it was pointless. The sheer size difference that kept her pinned firmly to the bed meant Celestia's tongue was stuck in her mouth like a cork in a bottle, and her muffled protests were taken to be matches for Celestia's moans of pleasure. There was nothing she could do but lay there and make feeble attempts to get her point across, as an enthusiastic Celestia used her tongue to thoroughly explore her student's mouth.

The tipping point came when Celestia's hooves moved down, sliding across Twilight's body and starting to go places she was definitely not comfortable with. She began to struggle with redoubled effort when one hoof slid around her flank, finally getting Celestia's attention enough that her eyes opened and she was able to see the look on her student’s face. She broke off the kiss immediately, pulling back enough that Twilight was able to get some leverage.

“Twilight?” asked Celestia, concerned by her soon-to-be-lover's expression, “What's wrong—”

“I said, get OFF me,” snarled Twilight, getting a hoof up and shoving sharply at the Solar Monarch's chest. Confused, Celestia slid off to the side, allowing Twilight to get up and quickly scamper off the bed and across the room.

“Twilight—”

“Ugh, what is wrong with you?!” cried Twilight, scraping at her tongue with a hoof. “I mean, I can understand you being upset when you found out, but to do that to me? You are seriously messed up in the head, you know that, Celestia?”

“I-I don't understand, Twilight. I thought you—”

“Oh, come off it already. There's no point in pretending. You're not getting me back in that bed for anything.” She sighed heavily. “Well, no point wasting all the energy I just got keeping this up.”

Twilight’s eyes suddenly blazed with green light, and emerald fire crackled along her body. She shot up in height, feathers spraying from her wings and disappearing as they were consumed by the flames, holes eating away at her legs as her horn grew long and twisted.

“I'd understand if you don't wish to tell me, but really, how did you know I wasn't her?” buzzed Queen Chrysalis inquiringly. “Was it something in my voice? Is there some stupid dance you two do, like with Cadance?”

“I-I… I… what…”

The doors suddenly burst open and Cadance charged in, skidding to a halt as she spotted Chrysalis “I knew that was changeling magic I felt!” she shouted.

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “Well, speak of the devil…”

“Are you calling me a devil, you monster?!” Cadance snarled, marching across the room towards the changeling Queen. “Well, you didn't ambush me this time, and I've been waiting for this for years! I won't let you hurt anypony I care about again!”

She reared up, horn crackling with energy, and a brilliant beam of cyan light struck Chrysalis square in the chest, causing her to close her eyes and sigh happily.

“Mmm, that's nice,” she muttered.

“B-but how?!” cried Cadance, ceasing her attack. “That was all my power!”

“And how, exactly, is shooting love at someone that eats love supposed to do anything but make them stronger?” asked Chrysalis, cocking an eyebrow.

“The wedding… we used our love to defeat you…”

“No, you used your love to power up a shield spell and then hit me in the face with it,” snarled Chrysalis. “I haven't forgotten, by the way, my little Princess of Food.”

“So, you're here for revenge, then?” Cadance asked, eyes narrowing warily.

“Oh, no, I was just passing through and figured I'd stop by for a quick snack before heading back to the hive. I mean, there's still months to go before my plan is ready.” Chrysalis let out a wicked, buzzing chuckle.

“What plan?!”

“Ah-ah, no spoilers.” The Changeling Queen began moving towards the balcony. “Well, if we're done here I need to get moving. I can command the drones through the hivemind, but they tend to start slacking off if I'm not around to… emphasize my orders physically.”

“I don't think so!” Cadance dashed over to block off the Queen's escape. “What did you do to Celestia?!” She pointed a hoof at the bed, where her aunt was lying slumped down and whimpering.

“What did I do to her?!” screeched Chrysalis indignantly. “I just came in here disguised as that purple pony, trying to feed off some more student-teacher love. It worked fine with her last night, but then Celestia—”

“You fed off Twilight?!” The pillows on the bed began to smolder.

“Whoa, whoa, nothing happened!” Chrysalis held up her hoof placatingly. “I just stopped in for a snack! No mind control, no cocoons, no implanting my eggs—”

“No what?!” cried Cadance.

“I just took Celestia's form and spent some time with her. Ask her about it and she'll tell you she spent a pleasant night with the Princess.”

Slowly, the smoke rising from the bed began to taper off, and Chrysalis let out a surreptitious sigh of relief and continued. “So anyway, I go through the same routine in reverse here, and before I can even start trying to feed Princess Sunbutt drags me onto her bed and starts molesting me! Which is just sick. That is a messed up thing to do as retribution for someone trying to take over your kingdom. I thought you ponies had rules about punishments like that.”

“She… she did that to you?” Cadance asked, eyes wide.

“Trust me, it's not something you can make a mistake about.” Chrysalis grimaced. “I am never going to be able to get the taste of giant pony tongue out of my mouth.”

Cadance turned to the bed, eyes shining. “Celestia, is that true?”

The Princess's response was to sink down in her bed, whimpering, until only her horn was visible above the pillows and blankets.

“OHMYGOSH, you and Twilight! This is so exciting!” She stopped bouncing, ears suddenly drooping. “Oh, Auntie, I'm sorry for laughing when I suggested it earlier. You two really are perfect for each other, honestly. I just said what I thought you were thinking!”

The horn moved further back in the bed, sinking down like a submarine's periscope.

“Oh no, you don't.” Cyan magic ripped all the pillows and blankets from the bed, aside from the one pillow Celestia had her hooves wrapped firmly around and was currently hiding behind.

“Do you really love Twilight?” Cadance asked softly. Celestia's head peeked out briefly from behind the pillow, nodded once, then disappeared again.

“So cute,” whispered Cadance.

Suddenly, she whipped around towards Chrysalis, exploding with fury. “You MONSTER! How could you do this to her?! She finally gets the courage to confess her love, and you just plotblock her? How COULD you?!”

“What—that's… what?!” Chrysalis cried, backing up. “Are you saying that I should have… should have…”

“You should have just laid there and taken it, yes.”

“How dare you?! Do you think I just go around jumping into bed with random ponies?!”

“How is that not exactly what you do, you… you bucking succubus?!”

“I'll have you know I've never… I've never…” Chrysalis trailed off, something that looked suspiciously like a blush on her face.

“You've never what?” asked Cadance curiously, tilting her head to the side.

“I-it's none of your business.”

“Oh, no,” Cadance whispered in a hushed voice, hooves going to her mouth. “Are you telling me you've never been… intimate with anyone? Physically intimate?”

“And what if I haven't?” snarled Chrysalis.

“But… it's the purest way of expressing love for another… to become, for just a moment in time, one with another pony, to share everything you are with them…”

“Bah! I have no need for that! Besides, I am a QUEEN. No pony could ever be worthy of me.”

“And the changelings?”

“I know they aren't. Hivemind, remember?”

“B-but… there has to be somepony for you, somewhere!” Cadance looked ready to cry, eyes large and watery.

“Well, I did almost have one once. You took care of that pretty thoroughly.”

“I did, I suppose…” Cadance looked down, sniffling slightly, then suddenly raised her head. “I'll make it up to you then! I'll find somepony for you, somepony that will care for you just as you are!”

“H-hey, wait a minute…” Chrysalis started backing away, fear in her eyes for the first time.

“Please, Chrysalis! Let me find you somepony—someone—who can make you happy, even if it's just for one night!”

“I… why would I even want that?! And from you?!”

“You're telling me you aren't lonely?” asked Cadance softly.

“No! Hivemind! How many times do I have to tell you that?! Just… Urgh!” Chrysalis gritted her fangs, putting a hoof to her head and looking away for a moment, then turned back. “Okay, fine, you want to do this? We will. There just might be one pony, out of the millions in Equestria, who is worthy of me. Find me that one, and… we'll see what happens. But they must be acceptable to me!"

“Yay!” Cadance clapped her hooves. “Get off the bed, Celestia, we've got a lot of work to do!”

“I-I don't know,” said the Solar Monarch, coming up from behind the pillow like her sun rising in the morning. “After what just happened… what if the real Twilight rejects me too? I don't know if I can take that again.”

“That's ridiculous, Celestia! Chrysalis, tell her—hey!”

Chrysalis jerked back at Cadance's shout. Her horn had been glowing, inducing a greenish haze to flow from the Princess to the Queen's open mouth.

“Are you feeding off me?!”

Chrysalis gave a shrug. “It's not like it takes much work, with how much love you just throw around everywhere. It would be wasteful not to!”

“Okay, just… whatever. You visited Twilight disguised as Celestia just last night, right? Tell her how much Twilight loves her.”

“Oh, she doesn't. Not at all.”

“What?!” cried both Princesses.

“I mean, platonic student–teacher love, sure. Tons of that, very tasty. But nothing romantic.”

The trembles first started in Celestia's lips. They spread down to her knees, then her eyes began to tear up. Finally, she burst out in long, heart-wrenching sobs, collapsing onto the bed and burying her face in her hooves.

“Chrysalis! That is not helping! That is the opposite of helping!”

“It's the truth!”

“Well, I don't care. You go make her feel better or I won't help you!”

“I don't even want you to—”

“Fix it!”

Chrysalis let out a long, pained sigh. Awkwardly climbing onto the bed, she put a hoof over Celestia's back. “Look, so she doesn't love you. There are ways around that. I can teach you some mind-control spells that—”

Fresh wails from Celestia drowned her out. Looking up, Chrysalis gave a shrug, only to be hit by a glare of pure death from Cadance. Wincing, the changeling Queen turned back to Celestia.

“Okay, okay, here's the deal. I said there was no romantic love, and there wasn't. But there was… something. I'm trying to think of a way to describe it in non-changeling terms… a spark. Not love, not the kind of love you want, but the possibility of it. Maybe she doesn't even know it's there, or maybe she thought about it but decided it was so unlikely and out of reach that she pushed the feelings down until they almost disappeared. But there's something there, and that's all you need. Trust me, I've worked with less.”

Celestia looked up, sniffling. “Are… are you serious?”

“Of course,” said Chrysalis, gently wiping a tear from Celestia's cheek. “Look at this face. Would this face lie to you?” She grinned widely.

Celestia considered that fang-filled horror of a smile for a moment. “I'll… take your word for it,” she said finally.

“Good!” Chrysalis got back off the bed, discreetly moving behind Cadance and beginning to feed again.

“Are you really okay, Auntie?” Cadance asked carefully as the Sun Princess rose to her hooves once more.

Celestia took her time, spine slowly straightening, neck pulling back and raising her head high, but when she was done it was once again a regal monarch that stood before them.

“Yes, Cadance. I won't let my despair get the better of me again. I know there's a chance now, a real, honest-to-Goddess chance, and that's all I need. That's all I ever wanted.”

“Awesome!” Cadance gave a happy little dance where she stood. “Then let's get to work. We need to come up with ways to turn that spark in Twilight's heart into a flame, and we need to get Chrysalis laid!”

Having a changeling spit a mouthful of love all over you doesn't seem like it would even be possible. It also doesn’t seem like it would be a particularly gross experience, compared to, say, a pony who had been eating a bowl of oats.

It is, in fact, very possible, and it is far, far more disgusting.

Author's Note

Fun Fact:

And now, as everyone has expected, my tied-for-favorite villain has joined the party.

The funny thing is that in this series of stories, she's a side character at best. Aside from that giant [REDACTED] in the [REDACTED] [REDACTED] that takes place in the third story, she only has minor roles.

And yet, in a lot of ways she's the most important character of all. She kicks off both the second story and the fourth story, which leads into the fifth (assuming I get that far, and that the plot stays the same, etc.).

Chapter Seven: Being in the Royal Guard is Harder Than You'd Think

“You there. Guard.”

Steel Shield perked up. He was proud to be a royal guard, of course. They all were; it was practically a prerequisite for joining the Guard. The only problem was… well, eighty percent of the job consisted of standing around the halls of the palace, just guarding, you know, things. Nineteen and a half percent was training, equipment maintenance, paperwork, and so on. It all got a bit boring after a while.

The only exception was that last half percent... which was just pure, unadulterated terror. Like when Discord had been freed, or the changelings had attacked the royal wedding. Seeing a beetle could still give him nightmares for a week.

Someone talking to him, though, was always a welcome respite from the boredom of being on duty. With a developing smile, he turned towards the voice, ready for whatever minor entertainment even something as simple as giving directions could bring.

What he saw was a wall of black. The smile on his face turned to a look of confusion, until he realized there was somepony standing in front of him. He looked up, straight into the eyes of Queen Chrysalis.

“Tell me, guard,” she said, eyes narrowing as she leaned slightly down towards the frozen stallion. “You are pleasing enough physically, but do you have what it takes to satisfy a Queen?”

His mouth slowly opened. For a moment it looked as though he was going to answer, but his mouth just kept opening, leaving his jaw hanging. Then suddenly, he was gone, rounding a distant corner and just starting to scream. His spear hung for a moment, still balanced upright, then slowly tipped over and clattered on the floor.

“Hmph. It happened again.” Chrysalis raised her muzzle into the air and continued down the hall in the direction they'd been walking. “I must say, I find your guards disappointing. At least in the current situation. Please feel free to keep them at this level of professionalism and bravery for, say, another three months.”

“And... this is supposed to help?” Celestia muttered to Cadance quietly, rolling her eyes.

“Well, we know she'd be happy with a stallion or a mare,” said Cadance, referring to the frightened yells and piercing shrieks that still echoed in the air, “and she wants somepony who isn't scared of her. Those are two very important pieces of information!”

“Why would she want someone who is scared of her?” wondered Celestia.

“Well, to be honest, that's what I thought she would prefer. I figured she'd be into the whole fear and respect thing—oh Goddess.”

“Cadance!” exclaimed Shining Armor happily, starting to trot down the hall. “I finally made it! The train got delayed because of some sheep on the tracks, so it just took a little bit longer than we thought. What's all this screaming I've... been... hearing...”

He stopped, and for a moment the hallway was a silent tableau.

“Heya, ex-fiance. How have you been?” inquired Chrysalis pleasantly, waving.

Three magical auras hit Shining Armor at once—gold lifting him off the ground and causing his suddenly-backpedaling legs to scramble frantically in the air, cyan clamping his muzzle shut and cutting off his screams, and green wrapping around his horn to cancel out the spell he was trying to cast.

“Okay, quick, what do we do with him?” asked Cadance frantically.

“We need to get him out of sight,” Celestia said firmly. “I can't even imagine what kind of mess it would cause if anyone saw us holding him like this. And we need time to explain what's going on.”

“Don't worry, I know exactly what to do,” said Chrysalis, speaking quickly and confidently. “Done this a thousand times. Is there a closet or a similar room anywhere nearby?”

“Down this way!” Celestia led them back and down a side hall to a doorway, and they all piled into a supply closet. Being in a royal palace, it was a large closet, but three alicorns (or alicorn-sized beings, at least) and a stallion still made it a bit more cozy than was comfortable.

“Find something to tie him up with,” commanded Chrysalis.

Bed sheets were quickly located, and Shining Armor was bound firmly. Chrysalis enchanted a shred of cloth to block his magic—at least temporarily—and wrapped it around his horn, and another rag was stuffed into his mouth as a gag.

“Okay, now what?” asked Cadance, panting slightly.

“Now that he's secure, we have enough time to secrete slime and build a cocoon around him. Then we can change into his form and take his place.”

“Chrysalis, even if we were changelings, how would that help us right now?!” cried Celestia, a hoof going to her forehead.

“Oh.” Chrysalis looked down for a second, frowning. “I wasn't thinking about that. I mean, usually when I drag a struggling pony off into some secluded corner, I'm trying to hypnotize or impersonate them. I don't have a clue what to do about all this.”

“Great,” Celestia sighed as Chrysalis wandered off to the back of the closet, looking at the items on the shelves with interest. “Well, I guess we can try talking to him?”

Cadance moved towards the bound stallion. “Shining Armor, we need to discuss this. I'm taking off your gag, so please don't try calling for help.”

He glared at her, but finally nodded, and she used her magic to remove the strip of bedsheet.

“Shining—”

“Cadance, please,” Shining Armor begged, eyes halfway between desperate and enraged. “This isn't you! I know how it feels, but you need to fight it! We beat her once, we can beat her again!”

“No, Shining Armor,” Cadance shook her head sadly. “She's not controlling us. Do you really think she could control the mind of even one alicorn, let alone two at once? And, I mean, look at her. She's all... giant bug. If she was trying to control us, she'd take the shape of someone we trust, like how she looked like Twilight when we first found her—oops!”

“Twilight?!” Shining's eyes bugged out and his mouth opened wide, but Celestia thought fast and jammed the gag back in before he started yelling.

“Well, that was a mistake,” said Cadance, sighing over Shining's muffled shouts. She moved closer, calming him with a hoof alongside his face. “Please, Shining, listen to me. We're trying to help her. She wants to be good—well, no, that's not true. But maybe we can make her happy, and that's the first step to turning her from an enemy to a friend. And I, for one, would rather not have to keep looking over my shoulder for shape-changers for the rest of eternity.”

Shining Armor wasn't struggling anymore, but there was still a stubborn look of determination on his face, and Cadance moved back with a sigh.

“Well, I tried my best. Chrysalis, is there anything you can say to convince—what are you doing?!”

The changeling looked up from the box she had her muzzle buried in, blue powder coating her nose and smeared around her mouth.

“I found some kind of snack back here.”

“That's... that's drain cleaner! You can't eat that!”

“I like it. It's spicy.”

Cadance moved back towards Chrysalis. Celestia watched her for a moment, then turned to Shining Armor, blocking out the bickering of the other two. Adopting her disappointed face—eyes narrowed, mouth turned down in a slight frown—she removed the gag from Shining Armor's mouth once more.

“I'm sorry about this,” she said before he got a chance to speak, “I know you took pride in being Captain of the Guard, which is why I let you keep the rank of Honorary Captain when you had to go live in the Crystal Empire with Cadance. I was always glad to know you were there, ready to come to my aid—to my kingdom's aid—if it were to be required again. However, even if I am saddened and disappointed, I will accept your resignation.”

“My—” Shining paused, confused. “My what?”

“Your resignation.” Celestia turned away from him, trying to pace as best she could in the small closet. “You clearly don't trust me. You think my mind has been compromised—as though any changeling, even the Queen, could do such a thing. You also seem to think that my attempts to befriend Chrysalis—”

She looked up at the sounds of squealing, to see Cadance flailing her legs about in an attempt to fend off a giggling Chrysalis, who was repeatedly hitting her over the head with the box of drain cleaner.

“—my attempts to make Chrysalis less of an enemy are unwise,” she continued smoothly. “However, her abilities at subterfuge may even exceed my own. You saw how efficiently she dealt with the Elements of Harmony during the wedding; the Bearers never had a chance at getting to them. Do you think she would not have similar plans in place for Cadance and yourself during her inevitable next attempt? We need something that at least resembles a truce with her, Shining Armor, despite your completely legitimate grudge against her.

“And so, I repeat: you do not trust me. You believe I am being influenced by her, and you believe my attempts at reasoning with her to be folly. You must recognize that as I must trust you, you must trust me as well. And if you don't trust me, if you think I'm making mistakes, if you think yourself better able to run this kingdom than I, then the very oath you swore means you must resign.

“It is a very short step to go from not trusting me to lead, to deciding I shouldn't do it at all anymore, Shining Armor. And if you still value that oath, and if it's not too late, then you know what you have to do.”

The look on Shining Armor's face was desperate and miserable, and Celestia smiled to herself. Guilt was one of many weapons in her arsenal, and she wielded it like a rapier: a poke here and a poke there was all it took.

“What are you going to do, my Captain?” she said quietly, trying not to look up at Cadance's impressive attempt to shove the box of drain cleaner down Chrysalis's throat.

“Celestia, I...” He sighed. “I trust you. Of course I do. And if whatever you're doing here can help eliminate a threat to Equestria and the Crystal Empire—even if it's not eliminating it in quite the way I'd prefer—then I'll help. But... would you mind if I put a spell on myself to protect against mental magics? And check to make sure you haven't been compromised yourself? It's not that I don't trust you, it's just...”

Celestia laughed quietly. “That level of distrust I can live with. It's healthy, given who we're dealing with, and very much part of your job.”

She freed his horn from its suppressor, and watched as a web of magic spun its way across his head, then reached out to gently probe at her mind.

“Satisfied?” she asked slyly, and he nodded, finally smiling. “Good.”

“So then, what are we doing with... with her?” Shining said, as the two disheveled royals finished whatever they'd been doing in the back of the closet and rejoined the conversation. He gave a jerk of his head towards Chrysalis for emphasis, still not able to say her name.

“Oh Shining, it's so exciting!” exclaimed Cadance from his side. “She's going to let me find a pony for her that she can love and who can love her!”

Shining started to laugh, then caught Chrysalis's eye and hurriedly turned it into a cough. “Oh, that's... that's, um... a good thing? And definitely something we can do. Yep, not an impossible task at all.”

He quickly turned to Celestia, who was beginning to undo his restraints. “How did you get roped into all this, Princess?”

“Oh, she wants to bang your sister, and Cadance is going to help,” Chrysalis said airily, before anyone else could respond.

With a sigh, Celestia replaced the gag. This was going to take a while.

“Wow,” said Cadance, watching the fleeing guards. “Not even direct orders from their captain can keep them around. This... might be more difficult than I thought.”

“Laugh it up,” muttered Chrysalis, stalking off down the hall. Watching guard after guard run from her was not improving her already irritable mood.

“Oh, no, don't be like that...” Cadance trotted quickly ahead to talk to her, Celestia and Shining Armor trailing behind.

“This might actually be a lost cause, as little as I want to admit it,” said Celestia sadly. “I'd really hoped... well, I don't know what I'd hoped, but Cadance has been so optimistic I thought we could do something here. Something that actually would help with the whole changeling issue. Now, though, I think we might have just made things worse.”

Shining Armor shook his head. “Cadance's opinion of the power of love is a tad high. Sure, it can do some amazing things—what happened to Chrysalis the last time we met is proof of that—but, well, it has its limits. I agree, though. I'm worried about what might happen if she keeps getting rejected.”

“I'm starting to think we might have to go with the backup plan; the one pony she brought up that she supposedly thinks is at least a little bit worthy.”

“Who's that?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow at Shining Armor. When his face remained blank, she cleared her throat, then gestured meaningfully at him with her head.

“I'm going to be sick.” Shining Armor turned away, one hoof going to his mouth.

“It was just a thought, I wasn't serious… I mean, unless you don't mind—no, no, you're right, let's just forget I even said anything.”

They caught up to Cadance and Chrysalis, who had stopped walking, just as the Queen let out a long, sorrowful sigh.

“I was a fool to let you talk me into this,” she said, staring at the marble floor beneath her hoofs.

“Now, don't say that,” said Cadance, forced cheeriness obvious in her voice. “Maybe the problem is that we're in Canterlot, especially the palace. The ponies here... well, you didn't exactly make a good impression on them the last time you met. Perhaps if we went somewhere else, like Ponyville, you—”

“No. I am done.” She turned to face them, eyes narrowed. “Besides, once I have all of you in cocoons and Equestria is mine, I'll have all the love I need.”

“Hmph. Well, this isn't much of a surprise,” growled Shining Armor, moving up to stand next to Cadance.

“Please don't do this,” pleaded Cadance. “We were getting along so well! With just a bit more time, we could have... we could have...”

She trailed off, and Chrysalis snorted, both triumphantly and sadly. “You see? The power of love doesn't fix everything. The only good that comes from it is meals.”

“There's one other thing it's good for!”

Shining Armor's horn lit up, along with Cadance's, albeit reluctantly for the latter.

“Oh really?” The changeling Queen cocked an eyebrow upwards.

Shining Armor's horn fizzled first, his magic flickering and then disappearing with a shower of sparks. Cadance's didn't flicker, just faded out slowly, despite her efforts to keep it going.

“You really shouldn't have let me be the one to bind Shining Armor's magic back there,” cackled Chrysalis. “Or at least you should have checked the spells I put on him more carefully. He won't be able to regenerate his magic for a while. Why, he probably would have drained his reserves by just, for example, protecting himself from mental manipulation and checking to make sure certain Princesses weren't being mind controlled.”

She turned to Cadance. “And as for you, well, I have been feeding off you all day. You weren't paying attention to how much I was taking, were you?”

“I...” Cadance hung her head miserably. “I trusted you,” she finished in a whisper.

Chrysalis laughed loudly, and turned to Celestia. “Which just leaves you again, my dear. Care for a rematch?”

Celestia strode out to the center of the hallway, facing the Queen squarely. “You have shamed me once, by defeating me the last time we faced each other, and now again, by betraying the trust I put in you this day. I welcome the chance to redeem myself by turning you into a smoldering pile of ash on the floor!”

Chrysalis smirked, her horn beginning to glow with green light. “Very well then, Princess. It's just you and me, and this time no one's going to come in at the last second to defeat me—”

“Just what is the meaning of this?!”

The voice cracked out with authority in the small hallway. Chrysalis froze, eyes wide, and slowly turned. Luna stood at the far end of the hallway, eyes narrow, fury evident in every inch of her face.

“We were awoken, well before it was time for our night to begin, by the screams of our royal guards. Imagine our surprise when, after some time spent piecing their disjointed cries and sobbed stories together, we found out that you, sister, and you, niece, were leading one of our most dangerous enemies around the castle in an attempt to, apparently, find her a lover.”

Babbled responses came from all four beings standing before her. Luna listened for a time, rage growing on her face until she finally stomped a hoof on the floor, causing the hall to shake.

“ENOUGH!” she bellowed in the full Royal Canterlot Voice.

She stalked forward, ending up eye to eye with Chrysalis. She studied her for a moment, then began to slowly circle the Queen, still inspecting her. For her part, Chrysalis just gulped and stood still, doing her best not to quake in fear.

“It is interesting to finally meet the fearsome Changeling Queen face to face,” said Luna suddenly, causing Chrysalis to jump in fright, “I am not disappointed. The descriptions I have heard of you did not do you justice. But what is disappointing is you, dear sister.”

“M-me?!”

“You let this creature into our palace, this criminal, who once took over our very kingdom, and proceed to traipse around with her? And you do all this in an attempt to find her a lover? In an attempt to find her a first lover...”

Luna suddenly stopped and spun around, pointing a hoof at Celestia accusingly. “And thou did not even think to call upon us to perform this deed?!”

“Oh. Ohhh...”

Luna marched up next to Chrysalis and leaned against her, draping a wing over her side and drawing her in when she tried to move away in surprise. “Rest assured, dear sister. I shall take this beautiful maiden and deflower her for you most thoroughly.”

“Wait, what—” was all Chrysalis had time to say before they vanished in a flash of blue light.

The three ponies who were left in the hallway stood for a moment in stunned silence.

“Oh, well, problem solved,” Celestia said finally.

“Seriously?!” cried Shining Armor.

“Of course. Either Luna will... do what she just suggested she will do, which I'm trying very hard not to think about, or she'll kill Chrysalis.” Celestia shrugged. “Either way, problem solved.”

Author's Note

Fun Fact:

Actually not much to say about this one. Just that if you're going to ask a changeling for help with kidnapping someone, you need to remember that their advice is very specific.

Chapter Eight: Wedding Bells

“And now,” said Shining Armor, forelegs crossed as he stared across the table in the seldom used conference room, “we need to have a talk.”

Celestia, sitting opposite him, just nodded, avoiding eye contact and shuffling her hooves nervously on the tabletop.

“Just what are your intentions regarding my sister?” Shining asked, then yelped as Cadance swatted him on the back of the head.

“You sound like a fuddy-duddy,” she scolded, then broke into a brilliant smile. “It's true love, can't you see?! The purest in the world!”

“No offense, but you said that about butter and toast this morning,” Shining Armor replied dryly.

“No, no, it's a legitimate question,” broke in Celestia, “especially after the... particularly tactless outburst by Chrysalis earlier.”

She took a deep breath, let it out, and then met Shining Armor's eyes squarely. “I am in love with your sister, Shining Armor. I love Twilight Sparkle. She... she means the world to me.”

Shining Armor looked into her eyes for a long moment, then let out a groan and buried his face in his hooves. “Ugh, this is a mess. I mean, you raised her from a filly! Even then, did you... I mean, were you purposefully bringing her up to be...”

Celestia let out a snort. “Please, Shining Armor. I can bend events to my will, I can manipulate ponies into doing what I want. But I can only use what is there. Even I cannot change a pony's mind, cannot make them into something they aren't. Everything that is wonderful about Twilight, everything that makes her the perfect, beautiful mare she is, is purely her. It is mere coincidence that I happened to take her on as my student.

“As for how long I have felt this way... I don't know. I only realized it myself scant days ago. I would say, though, that when she freed my sister from the darkness of her own mind, that may have been, if not the start, then at least the moment things became... more concrete.”

“Having known her since she was a filly is still an issue,” insisted Shining Armor. “You were practically a second mother to her, and the age difference—”

“Is hardly something you should be concerned about, given the century or two between you and your wife,” Celestia shot back heatedly. “Am I to be denied the heart of every pony who isn't as old as Equestria? Denied every pony I bring up in my schools, every pony who's life I have a hoof in as they grow from foal to adult?”

Her eyes narrowed as she stared across the table at Shining Armor. “Because at that point, the only option I have left who isn't a blood-relation is your pretty little wife there, sitting next to you. And you do not want me as competition, Guard Captain.”

Both Shining Armor and Cadance were staring at her, mouths hanging open, and a slight blush on Cadance's face.

“Ahem.” Celestia cleared her throat, sitting back. “Sorry. It has been... many years since I was in a relationship. Apparently, I have become somewhat... passionate in regards to that subject.”

“Is that why you're going to 'bang' my little sister?” muttered Shining.

Cadance gasped. “Shining Armor!”

“No, Cadance, that needs to be addressed too.” She faced Shining Armor head on again.

“Despite Chrysalis's... lack of refinement, she wasn't. I love Twilight, and part of that is wanting to make love to her. I, however, would not phrase it as crudely as Chrysalis did.”

Celestia tilted her head to the side, considering a thought for a moment. “Although, if Twilight wants to bang, there's a reason I had my bed reinforced with titanium.”

“CELESTIA!” Shining Armor was horrified, but Cadance looked delighted.

Celestia waved a hoof at them. “Oh, calm down. I was kidding. Mostly.” She turned to Shining Armor. “Well? Do I have your approval?”

He looked away for a moment, then sighed. “Yes. I suppose I can't really ask for better for her than the all-powerful ruler of the kingdom. And the Royal Guard isn't really trained to deny you anything you ask, anyway.”

“Thank you, Shining Armor,” said Celestia gravely, inclining her head. “I will ask the same of your parents, but I have no fear of their responses now. You are, I feel, more protective of her than anyone else.”

“I know.” He laughed a bit. “It's kind of funny. So many years later, it turns out her schoolfilly crush actually feels the same way.”

“S-she really had a crush on me?!” gasped Celestia. “Chrysalis was right about the spark she said she felt?”

"Oh yeah." Shining Armor gave a little laugh. "I have to admit, it seemed a lot cuter back then, when she was just a little filly with a crush on her teacher. It was more innocent." He winced. "I'm not saying I think there's anything wrong with your feelings, it's just—"

"No, no, I understand." Celestia sighed. "I guess Chrysalis's theory was true, then. She loved me, but she gave up on that love. It's… ironic. She loved me, but I had no idea, and at that point I wouldn't have been able to return her feelings anyway. And now that I can… she's given up on me. The wrong time for both of us...'"

"I don't think it was," Cadance said gently. "If she told you of her crush, you would have had to let her down gently. At her age, there wouldn't have been any other choice. But now she's had time to mature, and your feelings have as well. All you need to do now is reawaken the feelings I'm sure Twilight still has."

"I hope you're right. I hope it will be that… easy." Despite her words, Celestia sounded anything but hopeful.

"Well, I don't know if 'easy' is the word I would use, but with a good plan, things are sure to go your way." Cadance gave her a cheery smile. "So, what's your plan then, Celestia?"

“I'm going to tell Twilight I love her,” replied Celestia.

There was a long moment of silence. “And?” asked Cadance finally.

“There needs to be more?”

“Uuuughhhh.” Cadance buried her face in her hooves. “You can't just walk up to her and say 'hey, let's date'! When Shining Armor wanted to ask me out, he did this whole thing with a parade float and singing and a big dumb plan for the prom!”

“Hey! It wasn't dumb!” objected Shining Armor indignantly.

“Oh, it was so dumb. That's what made it so cute. The point is, Celestia, you need to do something besides just tell her your feelings. You need to make a grand gesture to her, to show her how you feel.”

“I could... give her a gift?”

“Okay, that's good, I guess. What kind of gift?”

“Um...” Celestia looked around in desperation. “Flowers?”

Cadance sighed. “The only thing I've seen Twilight do with flowers is eat them. You need to think of something that she would cherish, something that comes from the heart.”

“...books?”

“She does like books,” Shining Armor pointed out.

Cadance groaned. “You really think that's a good idea? She lived in a library. I know for a fact she read every single book in that library at least once. You actually just gave her your own personal library for her new castle.”

“But...” Celestia's eyes were starting to brighten, the glimmer of an idea forming. “If I got her a special book, a book that means something to her...”

“Okay, that's good,” said Cadance, nodding. “Any idea on what book?”

Celestia stared down, frowning in concentration, tapping her hooves on the tabletop. Suddenly, she looked up, face glowing.

“Starswirl's Treatise on Harmony!” she exclaimed. “It's his definitive work on the Elements of Harmony. He spent hours interviewing Luna and I, and even longer studying the Elements.”

“The Treatise?” Cadance frowned. “Wouldn't she already have a copy of that? Like you said, it's the definitive piece of work on the Elements. I think I've even got a copy of it back in the Crystal Empire.”

“Yes, but not the first edition!” Celestia was growing excited, and had gotten up and started pacing back and forth. “It's one of the rarest books there is. If I could find that for her...”

“Well then, where can we find one?”

“I don't know, but I know where we can find out.” Celestia pointed a hoof at the door. “To the Royal Canterlot Library!”

“I forgot how interesting this book was,” said Cadance, the Treatise on Harmony open before her. “I particularly like his theories on how the Elements function.”

“You're just reading a later edition, too,” said Celestia absentmindedly, flipping through her own book, a history on Starswirl. “The theories in the first edition were much more... 'out there'. He refined them down to the theories he felt were more realistic in later printings. It's one of the things that makes that first edition so fascinating and rare.”

With a sigh, she closed her book. “This isn't helping. We need to get some books on collectors; they're the only ones who would have had a copy of the original Treatise after the first few printings.”

Cadance and Celestia moved off among the shelves to find the books, while Shining Armor stayed at the table they'd appropriated and kept going through the books they had already gathered.

As they browsed, a massive explosion suddenly rocked the library.

“W-what was that?!” cried Cadance, eyes wide.

"Oh dear," Celestia said worriedly, turning back towards the reading area. "Shining Armor?" she called, raising her voice, “can you go look out, let's see... one of the western windows and tell me what you see?”

A loud gasp came a moment later. “I-it's Luna's tower! It looks like the entire top floor was blown off!”

"Hmm. What color are the flames and smoke?”

"They look green."

"That's… interesting."

“What exactly is going on?” asked Cadance, concerned.

“Do you know what happens when you give love freely to a changeling Queen? And what happens when they return that love?”

“N-no...”

Celestia tsk'd. “Didn't you read the paper on changelings that Twilight prepared after the invasion?”

“Um, well, I skimmed it. I guess I don't read everything Twilight gives me as raptly as you do.”

Celestia blushed, turning her attention back to the bookshelves. “Well, in any case, let's just say Luna's about to get a little lesson in changeling biology...”

They were still going through the books, and had actually started making at least a little bit of progress, when the doors to the library opened.

Luna and Chrysalis walked in, side by side, their tails entwined. Chrysalis kept looking at Luna's face, eyes adoring. Luna, for her part, walked with her head held high, not even glancing over at the changeling Queen.

They came up to the table, where Shining Armor stared with his mouth open, Cadance vibrated with glee, and Celestia was doing her best not to let the smirk show on her face.

“Sister. Niece. Nephew.” Luna nodded at each in turn, not quite making eye contact with any of them. “I... we, have returned.”

There was a moment of silence as they all stood, taking each other in. Chrysalis began nuzzling up against the side of Luna's neck, and while Luna didn't return the affectionate gesture, she didn't push the Queen away either.

Finally, Luna cleared her throat. “Sister, would you mind if I had a word with you? Um, alone?”

Celestia was still struggling to keep herself from grinning, but nodded. “Of course, Luna. We can go over into the stacks.”

“Thank you.”

First, though, Luna had to get Chrysalis detached. That involved separating their tails, then convincing her to stay behind. Finally, after many whispers of “I'll be right over there” and “Yes, I'll miss you too,” Chrysalis sat at the table, looking at Shining Armor and Cadance through narrowed eyes.

Celestia was enjoying her sister's obvious discomfort, until she caught the start of Chrysalis and Cadance's conversation as she and her sister moved away into the library.

"I have demands you must meet… er, a favor to ask of you," announced Chrysalis loudly.

“I guess we could help you,” replied Cadance warily. "Depending on what you want, of course."

“Would you mind, maybe, planning my wedding? I-if Luna asks. No doubt your fear and hatred of me is still great, and that is appropriate, but—”

High-pitched squealing was the last thing Celestia heard from the table as they rounded a bookshelf, but that had been enough.

Now Celestia was troubled. She hadn't expected the bond to affect Chrysalis so strongly, nor had she thought the changeling would become so... enamored with her sister. The problem was, the Queen was taking things seriously. Luna, on the other hoof, had never had anything resembling a real relationship with anypony, at least as far as Celestia had seen. Chrysalis's reaction to Luna wanting nothing to do with her after this was probably not going to be good.

Which, given that she had already conquered Equestria once, meant things would most likely not end in a pleasant way.

“So, Luna, finding your new friend to be a bit clingy?” said Celestia, arching one eyebrow.

“She has definitely become... affectionate,” replied Luna warily. “Rarely have I seen somepony become smitten so fast.”

“You didn't read Twilight's report either, did you?” asked Celestia with a sigh, and Luna shook her head. "Tell me then sister, when you are… with a pony, as you were with Chrysalis, do you love them?"

"Do you think us some common street trollop, seeking mere pleasures of the flesh betwixt bedsheets?" Luna demanded, bristling. "Aye, the pleasure is part of it, but we do this out of love for our subjects, and yes, even our enemies. And we see no reason to stand here as thee attempts to sully our expression of affection and care for each citizen of our kingdom."

Luna turned and started to trot away until Celestia held up a hoof.

"Calmly, sister, calmly," she said placatingly, head bowed. "I meant no disrespect by asking. I merely wanted to know if you gave any love to the Queen."

"Then yes, I did. I loved her as I have loved countless ponies throughout the ages, as we lay upon the bed, bodies entwined and sweat-soaked, our tongues gently—"

"Okay, okay, I get the point." Celestia grimaced. "I don't need a detailed description. The last thing I want to do is form a mental picture."

"Then thou should not have asked," harrumphed Luna, lifting her chin and turning away.

"I needed to know so I could explain what happened, both to you and to myself. It is unfortunate that we know so little about the changelings, and what we do know largely consists of rumors, hearsay... and sometimes just plain lies."

Celestia slipped into lecture mode, starting to pace back and forth. “Changelings eat love. They do this by using their shape-changing powers to take the form of a pony and feed off the love they receive from that pony's loved ones. Which is all well and good, generally no huge problems or mysteries there.

“But Queens are a bit different from the drones, and things get really weird when they receive love voluntarily and reciprocate that love. It creates a kind of feedback loop. I had no idea, though, that it would result in such an... energetic outburst.”

“Yes, you may have noticed that my bedroom no longer has a roof,” Luna replied dryly.

“I'm sorry about that. Had I known it would be that powerful, I would have stopped you. Apparently that's the reason why they say changeling Queens, um, 'mate' for life. They aren't talking about the Queen's life. But, of course, you are not a normal mortal pony, now are you?” Celestia grinned broadly, but the smile quickly ran from her face.

“You knew this would happen,” said Luna flatly. It wasn't a question.

“I did, to a degree” admitted Celestia apologetically. “I thought it would be amusing, but I may have gone too far by not warning you. Had I know even a fraction of that kind of damage could occur, I would have stopped you from taking the Queen. Even worse than the destruction of your bedroom, though, are the other consequences.

"What happened formed a… a bond of some sort between Chrysalis and you. Just as a baby bird will imprint on the first thing it sees after hatching, so has she imprinted on you: the first pony she has ever loved… and the first to ever show her love. Perhaps it is a survival trait of the changelings, to keep the source of so much love close by for the good of the hive.

"But… I think I did a terrible thing by allowing you to go through with this without trying to warn you. It was a terrible thing to do to both of you, and the fact that I didn't know the full extent of what would happen is no excuse. Luna... Chrysalis cares about you very much now. She loves you, in fact. I think you need to have a serious talk with her.”

Luna was quiet for a time, staring down at her hooves, lost in thought. Finally, she raised her head and nodded firmly.

“You are right, sister, as always. Chrysalis... is a very sweet mare. Never have I met one so gracious, one who cares so much about me, aside from yourself. The words she spoke to me, complimenting me on my beauty... her adoring speeches to my kindness, and how loved I made her feel... I found them to be very flattering and pleasing.”

“What.”

“She is most beautiful, as well. The smooth black of her chitin, her long hair, soft and luxurious, the way the light shines through her gorgeous wings, those almost hypnotic eyes... and even if, for some unfathomable reason, I were to tire of all that, she is a shape-changer as well! She can appear to be any pony—or any creature, for that matter—I want, but still be herself under it all.”

“What.”

“And physical appearances aside, rarely have I experienced such a keen mind, such sharp wit! I could spend days conversing with her, just listening to her talk, even without her incredible voice. She could speak of anything, and I would listen, just because it's her doing the speaking."

Luna let out a happy sigh. “I don't ever want to be apart from her. I think... I think she is the one, Celestia. I think she is the pony I have been searching for all this time, all these years.”

“L-Luna... Luna, that's Queen Chrysalis you're talking about. You know, the Changeling Queen who ponynapped our niece, nearly stole her fiancé, defeated me in single combat, and actually had control of all of Equestria, even if it was only for a few minutes?”

“You do remember when I did much the same thing, don't you sister?” Luna shot back archly. “And besides, she has already apologized to me for that.”

“She... she did?” said Celestia, blinking in surprise.

“Of course. She said she was very sorry that she attempted to conquer Equestria and failed, and that she is sure it will not happen a second time.”

“Luna, that's not... that's not really an apology...”

“Pish posh, sister, of course it is. The entire ordeal was very upsetting to her. She even asked if any ponies got hurt during the, er, 'invasion'. She seemed very concerned about their well-being. Why, I would say she cares for our subjects as much as we do ourselves!”

“Luna, that's because she sees them as cattle!” exclaimed Celestia desperately. “All of our subjects are just food to her and her subjects!”

“Yes, exactly!” cried Luna happily. “Much as young Applejack loves and cares for her trees, so does Queen Chrysalis and her hive love all the ponies of Equestria!”

“Luna, that's not... she tried to... she almost...” Celestia let out a long sigh and just gave up. “Yes, Luna, you're right. She is a very nice mare. I'm... I'm happy for you.”

“Thank you, sister! I knew you would approve.” Luna gave Celestia a quick hug with one foreleg. “Come, let us rejoin the others. I am glad we had this talk.”

Celestia's head hung down as they walked back. This was her punishment for something, she just knew it. Maybe it was for not stopping Luna when she took the Changeling Queen away, for not warning her what would happen. Or maybe it was because she had thought it a simple joke, to toy with their feelings as she had. Whatever it was, this nightmare her life had become was entirely her own doing.

Chrysalis nearly tackled Luna when the two sisters reappeared from the stacks, abandoning her conversation with Cadance and the still somewhat uncomfortable-looking Shining Armor to leap over and wrap her forelegs around Luna's neck.

“I missed you,” she buzzed, wings fluttering nervously.

“And I you,” replied Luna, with a gentle smile. “I trust you had a productive conversation with Equestria's number one love expert about our upcoming wedding while I was gone?”

“You mean you... you really want to...” Chrysalis looked at Luna with shining eyes, unable to find the words she needed to continue.

“Yes. I had a conversation with my sister that made things much more clear to me, and she has approved of our relationship.” Luna waved a hoof at Celestia, who chuckled weakly. “If you would have me, if you feel the same way I do about you, then it would make me most joyous to have your hoof in marriage.”

“Oh, Luna, yes! Yes, a thousand times yes!”

They kissed, with such passion and love that even Celestia felt her heart warming up to the changeling Queen. Just a bit; Chrysalis had blasted her across a room, after all. But her sister was happy, and that went a long way toward earning some forgiveness.

“We are off, then,” said Luna when they separated, a slight flush on her face. “We have much to do. Even aside from the wedding, we must still work out many things, such as my darling's living situation, and the integration of the changelings into Equestrian society now that they will be becoming citizens.”

“Remember, no major policy or diplomatic decisions without me! That goes for signing new laws into effect, too!” called Celestia after them as they trotted out, tails entwined once again, this time staring into each other's eyes.

Softly, they could hear singing coming from Chrysalis: “This day has been just perfect...”

“The kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small,” finished Luna, leaning against the changeling as they disappeared through the doors.

“Well, that's good. I guess,” said Shining Armor after a moment.

Celestia gave her head a shake to clear it. “Now that we've helped those two find love, maybe we can work on me and Twilight? I think we've done all we can here. It's clear that if we're going to find a copy of this book anywhere, it's going to be with a collector. A private collector of some kind; there seems to be no record of it in any museums or exhibitions for the last few centuries. I suggest we head out into downtown Canterlot and start asking around in rare bookshops.”

A chorus of screams came from the halls outside the library. “And since we should do at least the initial investigating in disguise, to avoid tipping our hoof as to who exactly is looking for this book, I suggest you stay behind, Shining Armor. Aside from your inability to disguise yourself, it sounds like some of the castle inhabitants may need some calming when they meet—” Celestia gave a small wince “—the pony who is going to become Equestria's newest Princess.”

Shining Armor sighed, trotting towards the door. “Always the fun jobs for us in the Guard, huh?”

“If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't have signed up,” said Celestia, returning the grin he gave as he exited through the doors in pursuit of the two royals.

“They really do make a cute couple, don't they?” said Cadance from Celestia's side. “It was nice to see you approve of their relationship like that.”

“If it makes Luna happy, it makes me happy too. Even if it doesn’t actually make me very happy.” She gave a sidelong glance at the smaller alicorn. “Your enthusiasm, on the other hoof, seems quite authentic.”

“Of course!” Cadance clapped her hooves excitedly. “Chrysalis wants me to plan the wedding! A royal wedding! A job made for the Princess of Love! I didn't get to do the last one since it was mine, of course.”

“Of course, of course. I'm just glad to see you're so happy about Chrysalis joining the family. Oh, but I guess you'll be calling her Auntie Chrysalis from now on, won't you?”

With a flash of light, Celestia summoned her camera from her bedroom, snapped a picture of Cadence’s face, and then sent the camera back.

She smiled, feeling her spirits rise. She had thought this a nightmare, a hell of her own creation she was trapped inside. But now, no matter what happened, however bad things got, she would always have that picture to cheer herself up with.

Author's Note

Fun fact:

I dedicate this chapter to everyone who said the shipping in 'Changeling Courtship Rituals' was taking too long.

Also, I will generally be referring to changelings in pony terms, for example when Celestia calls Chrysalis 'a very nice mare'. As I learned while writing Changeling Courtship Rituals, it's really hard to have half the characters called one thing and the other half another. I also have the excuse that the Elements of Harmony book refers to them as 'grotesque shape-shifting ponies'. While I may disagree with part of that description, I have no problem using it as an excuse to make my writing flow better (I've never been a fan of things like 'someling'. It just doesn't roll of the tongue).

Chapter Nine: Book Hunt

“You sure know your way around this place,” commented Cadance as they walked through the book district in disguise.

“Well, you know Twilight,” Celestia chuckled. “If I couldn't find her in her quarters or the library, she'd be right here in one of these shops. Although, I'll say you seem awfully comfortable here as well.”

“Same reason,” admitted Cadance. “You know, I've never forgiven you for teaching Twilight that illusion spell while I was still foalsitting her.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, that night she first learned it, when I went to tuck her in and the blanket went right through her? Not a fun experience for one of my first times foalsitting.”

Celestia started snickering, but quickly got it under control when Cadance glared at her. “It's not funny! I was in a panic, running around the house, wondering if I should call the police or go look for her myself... then she just comes trotting in, dragging a saddlebag as big as she was filled with books. I almost killed her on the spot.”

Unable to hold it back, Celestia burst out in laughter, nearly falling over in the street despite the clear anger on Cadance's face.

“I'm... I'm sorry, niece,” she said as she slowly got herself under control, wiping a tear from her eye. “It's just such a Twilight thing to do!”

“It really wasn't funny,” grumbled Cadance. “I kept telling her not to, that it was dangerous for her to go out all alone and the entire reason I was there to watch her was to keep her safe, and still she kept doing it! Her illusions kept getting better and better, and I still don't know how many times she managed it with me not even having a clue.”

“That's a good point about how dangerous it is for a little filly to go wandering around the city by herself,” said Celestia, serious now. “I'm not trying to scold you after the fact or anything, but you really should have come to me after the first few times it happened. If you'd let anything happen to her...”

“Oh, you think I didn't know that?” Cadance shot back. “The truth is, I thought she wasn't in any real danger at all. You know how little violent crime there is in Canterlot, given how well it's all organized."

"Yes, thank for reminding me that all the crime in my capital city is run by one horrible, insufferable crime boss," Celestia said with a roll of her eyes.

"It does keep ponies safe and unhurt," replied Cadance. "But I really stopped worrying about Twilight going out—at least, about her safety—after she got mugged.”

“She didn't!” gasped Celestia, face going pale.

“Yep. Three ponies. And it sounded like they actually wanted to hurt her, as well.”

“What happened?! I mean, obviously she was okay, but—”

“She put them in the hospital.”

“What?!”

“Like I said, they were really going to hurt her, so she defended herself. Very enthusiastically. None of them were unicorns, and they sure hadn't been ready for a filly more powerful than most adults!

“I actually got called down to the police station after it all got sorted out. They wanted to hold her until charges could be pressed, due to the extent of the injuries on the three ponies. When I got there, she'd already broken two filly-rated magic suppressors, and they'd given up and put an adult one on her. I don't think I've ever seen her as unhappy as she was while wearing that thing.”

“How did all this happen without me finding out?!” cried Celestia.

Cadance winced. “I sort of used my position as a Princess to get it all swept under the rug. It's the only time I've done something like that, I swear. The worst part was, Twilight made me buy her some books to keep her quiet about it!”

Amusement and dismay warred on Celestia's face, and finally she just shook her head. “As I said, it's just such a Twilight thing to do.” A small smile lit upon her face. “And it makes me more certain than ever that this is the right path to take.”

Cadance nodded in agreement as they entered the next bookstore. As usual, Cadance went to whatever pony was running the store, her unicorn disguise making her seem more likely to be in pursuit of a rare book on magic. Celestia, meanwhile, just wandered around the store, looking for anything that might be of use to them in their search.

In this store, as always, she felt a sense of bemusement and sadness as she browsed the books. For many, listed as antiques or ancient and rare texts, she had known the authors personally. In some cases after the work had been published; in others well beforehand, having taught them herself in the many classes that had gone through her schools over the years. In a few instances, she had even personally helped the author write the book in question, providing historical recollections, research assistance, or just proofreading and offering suggestions.

But so many of the books she had read and enjoyed in her lifetime had faded from existence over the years. Many times she had wished she was able to keep a vault with a copy of every book that was written in it, to preserve the stories and tales for later ages. Such a project, alas, had a scope far beyond anything that was possible. The mountain Canterlot was built upon would be filled in mere centuries.

For a moment she entertained the thought of telling Twilight about this dream, then winced and discarded the idea. That was one thing she would never share with her love. As much passion as Celestia had for books, Twilight went far beyond. Filling up Canterlot mountain with books would, no doubt, be seen as a perfectly acceptable solution.

Celestia paused in her browsing, eyebrows rising as she spotted a sign: 'No admittance to ponies under eighteen years of age'. The sign hung just above a doorway that was curtained off.

Interest rising, she pushed her way past the curtains. If there was anywhere in this store that would have advanced books on magic, it would no doubt be a room hidden away like this. Pulling one book from the dimly-lit shelves quickly proved her wrong.

“Are those two stallions?” she muttered to herself, looking at the cover. “What are they—ohhh.”

Face flushed, she replaced the book on the shelf, quickly scanning the spines of others to confirm that these books were what she thought they were. Simply reading the titles was enough to tell her that, yes, these books were all about—

Her heart stopped as she caught sight of a slim volume with a white cover, titled simply 'Princest is Wincest'.

“Oh, no, no, no, no...” she muttered, ripping the book from the shelf and skimming through it quickly.

A sigh of relief came from her chest as she realized that none of the words in the novel had been written by her. Apparently some other pony had had a similar idea. Her face suddenly went fully red as she began to parse what it was that she was actually reading.

“Oh my...”

Several minutes passed quickly as Celestia raptly read passages from the book, her face growing hotter with each paragraph. Suddenly, a voice interrupted her.

“...Sunny Skies?”

Panicking, Celestia jammed the book back into the shelves, then burst her way out of the curtains. Fortunately, Cadance had been behind some bookshelves, and didn't see which room Celestia had emerged from.

“I'm, uh... “ Celestia cleared her throat, lowering the pitch of her voice. “I'm right here, Lovey Dovey.”

“You find anything?” Cadance asked as they exited the store.

“No! No, nope, nothing interesting there at all.”

Cadance sighed. “Me neither. The shopkeeper didn't know anything about the first edition of the Treatise. Maybe the next shop will be better.”

Celestia looked up at the night sky, frowning in thought. “Actually, it's getting late. The shops will be closing soon. We may as well head back and rest up for tomorrow.”

“Okay. I'll see you at breakfast.”

Stepping into an alleyway, they shed their disguises and teleported back to the castle in twin flashes of light.

A few minutes later, Sunny Skies trotted back into the shop she had just left.

Glancing around furtively, she went straight to the back of the shop, through a curtained doorway, and grabbed a particular white-covered book from a shelf. Not looking at the shopkeeper, she deposited a few bits on the counter, went out the door and into the mouth of an alleyway, and disappeared.

“Same plan today?” asked Cadance, as they met up the next morning.

“No,” replied Celestia, shaking her head. “At least one thing yesterday proved is that we should split up. There's nothing on the shelves that's going to help us with this; we need to be talking to the shopkeepers, the ones who actually know who's who and what's what in the business. And there's no reason that should take both of us. So, you take the left side and I'll take the right?”

“Sounds good,” said Cadance, and they went on their ways.

By late that afternoon, Celestia was nearly frantic. There hadn't been one shopkeeper able to provide her with any information, and she was nearing the end of the district. It was starting to seem like not a single copy of the first edition existed anymore... but that couldn't be true. There had to be one somewhere. Celestia had unconsciously staked everything on getting ahold of that book, and now that it looked like that was impossible she was starting to panic.

So deep into despair had Celestia sunk that when the shopkeeper of the third to last store on the block said he did know where a copy of the book was, she merely nodded in defeat and started to walk out the door, head down.

Her brain slowly processed what she had just heard, and suddenly her ears perked up, followed by her head, and she shot back to the counter, nearly sending every book in the store flying as she gave a flap of her wings.

“You do?! Where?! TELL ME!” she cried, nearly screaming, leaning across the counter and shaking the aging stallion by the neck.

“Whoa now, careful there little filly,” he said, removing her hoofs and massaging the back of his neck. “I'm not quite as young and durable as I used to be. Now, about that first edition you're looking for...”

Celestia trotted in place, hoofs beating a faster and faster tempo upon the floor as the old stallion mused and muttered and tried to get his memory working. Just as she was about to begin yelling and shaking things again, the shopkeeper banged a hoof down on the counter and nodded firmly.

“Yup, I remember that book well. Sold at an auction, oh, maybe ten, fifteen years back. It's hard to forget something like that, seeing such a rare book actually up for auction. Even harder to forget seeing somepony spend so many bits on it.”

“Who was it? Who bought the book?” asked Celestia urgently, leaning further across the counter.

“Well, can't rightly tell you that. Was a private buyer,” replied the stallion, and Celestia sagged down, face hitting the counter. “But the auction house might have records, if you could get them to let you take a look.”

Celestia shot back up again. “Which auction house?!”

“I think it was DuBridles Auction Gallery, the one down on 3rd—”

He cut off as Celestia exploded out of the shop entrance, this time actually knocking over several piles of books in her wake as she flew.

“Odd pegasus,” muttered the shopkeeper, then suddenly noticed the bag of bits that had been left behind. “Nice tipper, though.

“You don't understand, I have to get in there!” cried the pegasus, slamming her hooves onto the desk.

Door Check was unimpressed. “I'm sorry, Miss—Sunny Skies, was it?” The mare peered at Celestia over the top of her glasses. “But members of the general public are simply not allowed into the DuBridles archives.”

Biting her lip, Celestia looked desperately at the gate, which was not only locked but had a guard pony on either side of it.

“Look, it is vitally important I get access to your archives. What is it going to take to get me past that gate?”

“There are two ways you can get into the archives. One is to be one of the owners of DuBridles; the other—” the mare sneered “—is to be a Princess. Are you either of those?”

The disguised pegasus glowered at the pony, Door Check's smug look becoming more infuriating with each passing second until finally Celestia had had enough.

“Give me a minute,” she growled, stalking out of the room.

Door Check gave a sniff, and went back to filing her hooves. When she heard the door open a moment later, she rolled her eyes and looked over, ready to give that annoying pegasus another earful.

Her snide comment died in her mouth as she beheld Princess Celestia herself, walking forward with a determined look on her face.

“I believe you told my friend that one needed to be a Princess to enter these archives, correct?” she asked, her voice serene as always, but with a threat lurking just underneath.

“I—you—n-no, no one gets in but the owners,” the mare managed to stammer out.

“Oh really?” Celestia strode forward. When the guards foolishly moved to stop her, they found themselves picked off the ground and pushed against the walls in a not-exactly-gentle fashion by the golden glow of the Princess's magic.

She continued up to the gate, still holding the ponies aloft with seemingly no effort, and considered the metal bars.

“Very sturdy looking,” she commented. “However, I could still burn my way through. Unfortunately, holding these two ponies in place is rather... distracting. It would be a shame if I were to melt them instead, wouldn't it?”

Door Check gaped for a few seconds, trying to form some sort of coherent sentence, and finally just hit the gate release with her hoof.

“Thank you.” Celestia let the guards drop to the floor, and marched into the archives.

Cadance trotted forward hurriedly. She had gotten Celestia's message—frantic and disjointed though it had been—and headed off to the auction house as fast as possible. She even dropped her disguise, as Celestia's message had made it clear it was no longer needed.

“Where is—” she managed to get out, before the mare behind the desk let out a whimpering little shriek at the sight of another Princess. She pointed with one trembling hoof at the open gate at the other end of the room, and Cadance moved through it, watching in confusion as the guards flinched back from her.

She stopped as she entered the archive, gazing around in awe.

The archives itself descended two floor below the one she stood on, visible through the railing-surrounded hole that penetrated the center of the rooms. The top two floors were filled with shelves that contained all manner of account books, ledgers, folders, and anything else that could be convinced to hold records. On the bottom floor were more filing cabinets than Cadance had ever seen in one place, lined up in row after row after row.

Currently, what looked to be the contents of every one of those books, folders, shelves and cabinets was floating in the air, glowing with golden light. Tens of thousands of pages drifted in an enormously complicated pattern, and at the center of it all sat Celestia, not blinking, scanning each page in seconds as it passed in front of her.

“Celestia?” asked Cadance timidly, taking a few steps forward. “What is this?”

“I found the book,” said Celestia in a distant, almost dreamy voice. “It was sold at an auction in this very building just a few years ago. Now I am going to find out who bought it.”

“Do you, um... do you need any help?”

“I don't know. How many centuries of experience do you have reading through the driest reports imaginable in order to pick out the important pieces of information?”

Cadance winced at her tone, ears pinning back, and Celestia suddenly sat up straighter with a sigh.

The papers halted their flight, and Celestia turned, giving Cadance an apologetic shrug, her eyes tired. “Sorry. I don't usually talk to anyone while doing paperwork like this, and I tend to be a bit, ah, raw when I do. I'm paying attention to the paper more than the conversation.”

“It's okay, Auntie, really.” Cadance gave her a wide smile, and Celestia returned it. “I'll head back to the castle then, and wait to see what you find. I'll make sure Auntie Luna and Auntie—urp!” She covered her mouth with one hoof, gagging. “Auntie Chrysalis haven't caused too much havoc.”

“Thank you.”

Cadance walked softly out, as the papers resumed their dance.

The papers stopped.

One sheet hung in the air in front of Celestia. She read the sheet again, and then again. Slowly, her body began to tremble. For a moment, her horn glowed so brightly it nearly vaporized the entire building and everypony within it, save herself. But the heat was so intense it wrapped around itself, creating a vortex of plasma that spun and writhed around her horn, containing its power to the immediate area of her head.

Carefully, Celestia slowed her breathing, getting her magic under control. She gathered up the papers, putting each and every one back where it had come from, and stalked back out through the gate.

She stopped in front of the desk, regarding the cowering Door Check.

“If you ever need a job, come to the palace,” she said, causing the mare to flinch back, and then suddenly stare up in shock. “I could use someone who stands up to a Princess to keep ponies out of my study and private quarters.”

With that, she left.

Celestia nodded brusquely to the pony sitting behind the desk at the entrance to the City Planning and Zoning Department. She entered the archives—she had full access, at all times, to these archives at least—and papers began once again storming around her.

This storm was much less fierce; she knew exactly what she was looking for this time. Gathering up her chosen papers, she marched back into the hall.

“Copier,” she demanded bluntly of the pony behind the desk.

“It's against policy to make copies—” the stallion managed to say, before suddenly finding Celestia towering over him.

“While I appreciate the need for privacy and security with regards to records, official papers, and so on, I am at the end of my metaphorical rope on that subject today,” she hissed. “This is my kingdom. This is my city. Are you telling me I cannot make copies of that which I own?”

A shaking hoof pointed at a door further down the hallway.

“Thank you,” said Celestia politely, trotting into the copier room with paper trailing behind her.

“Well?” asked Cadance as Celestia landed on the balcony, weighed down by a saddlebag that looked stuffed to bursting.

“I found who has it,” replied the Princess of the Sun tiredly, head hanging as she trotted through the halls. Her magic had been so exhausted she hadn't even been able to teleport directly to her study. “It's currently in the possession of Concrete Horseshoes.”

“Concrete—?” Cadance gasped. “The mob boss? The stallion that controls all of the organized crime in Canterlot?!”

“'Allegedly' controls,” sneered Celestia, pausing to make the air quotes with her hooves. “We know it's him, but either our witnesses are too terrified to testify or the evidence we have gathered won't stand up in court. Not with the lawyers he can afford.”

“What does he even want with a book on magic? Isn't he an earth pony?”

“Yes, but it's part of his collection. He thinks owning fine works of art and rare books of magic makes him look sophisticated.”

They walked in silence for a while.

“Are you going to try to buy it off him, then?” asked Cadance finally, and Celestia sighed.

“No, I can't. He has too much of his imagined prestige wrapped up in that collection. He's not going to part with even a single piece of it to just anypony. Some no-name pony—like, say, Sunny Skies—doesn't have a chance in Tartarus of buying it off him.

“And buying it as Celestia is right out of the question. For one thing, he hates me. The moment I ask him for it he's going to push the price to ridiculous levels, just to say he put one over on the Princess. And second, dealing with him in any kind of reasonable manner is tantamount to legitimizing him. I will not let my ponies think I believe that scum to be worth even a single bit.”

“Then what are we going to do?” asked Cadance as they entered Celestia's private study.

“That's simple,” replied Celestia.

As usual, the desk of the Princess of the Sun was covered with clutter: law bills waiting to be reviewed and/or signed, letters from various dignitaries, both foreign and domestic, pens, pencils, and quills, stacks of scratch paper; all the minutiae that the ruler of a country needed to get the actual work of running things done. Raising one foreleg, Celestia swept it all onto the floor, then dropped her saddlebag onto the desk. After tottering precariously for a moment, the bag tipped over, spilling out blueprints, housing plans and maps of the city.

“We're going to steal it.”

Author's Note

Fun fact:

I mentioned in a blog post at one point that I felt I was going to get complaints about characters acting out-of-character, and the ending of this chapter was mostly what I was talking about. Hopefully I've ramped the crazy up gradually enough that Celestia planning a heist with Cadance as her accomplice now seems natural.

Also, in hindsight, I wish I built Concrete Horseshoes up a little more rather than having him just appear out of thin air. It's a bit jarring.

But in my defense -

A: After several millennia as the ruler of a kingdom, Celestia no doubt has dozens of enemies of varying levels of hostility who could just pop up out of nowhere, and it would probably be more unrealistic to have the specific one who happens to show up in this story be named beforehand.

and

B: That's how villains in the show also tend to get introduced, so I feel like I'm in good company there.

Chapter Ten: The Heist

“Now announcing the arrival of Mrs. Lovey Dovey and Ms. Sunny Skies!” called out the doorpony, as the unicorn and pegasus entered the hall.

The two ponies paused at the top of the stairs, taking in the room before them.

It was filled with ponies, all dressed in fine clothes and chatting quietly. Thick, lavish carpets lined the floor, and scattered about were various pedestals on which were displayed pieces of art that were, presumably, rare and expensive. Around the outside of the room were arched doorways, leading to other parts of the villa. Planters over the arches let vines hang down over the openings, giving the outside walls of the room the appearance of a forest. The entire room was dominated by a pool at the center, which was fed by three enormous fountains around its edge—one shaped like a unicorn, another a pegasus and the last an earth pony.

“Such a lovely pair of fillies,” said a voice as they descended the main staircase.

It came from a dark brown earth pony, mane black and slicked back. He wore a black suit, cummerbund ruffled and white as snow, with a bright red rose upon his lapel.

“With such charming stallions around, how can we not be?” replied Lovey Dovey with a giggle, holding out her hoof to be kissed.

Sunny Skies was able to suppress her gag reflex at that sight enough to at least manage a curtsy when the stallion turned towards her.

“Concrete Horseshoes, your host for the night,” he said with a bow.

“Lovey Dovey,” replied the unicorn. She was a shockingly bright shade of pink, her mane a blinding mix of fiery red and light violet. Overall, she gave the impression of a Hearts and Hooves Day card that had exploded. Her dress was a thing of beauty, slinky and black, the contrast between its darkness and her highly saturated color scheme drawing every eye to her.

“Sunny Skies,” said the pegasus. Her coat was simply light yellow, her mane the blue of the skies in her name. The dress she wore was a subdued pastel pink with blue highlights, all ruffles and lace.

“Well now, I think this party just got a lot more interesting,” said Concrete Horseshoes, with a wink that nearly started Sunny gagging again. “I'll have to make sure to keep my eyes on you two.”

The two ponies moved away into the party proper, Lovey swaying her hips in a way that actually did keep their host's eyes on her until she disappeared into the crowd.

“Getting in will be easy,” said Celestia, gesturing to two tickets pinned up on the board before her. They sat in one corner, above the blueprints covered in diagrams and sheets upon sheets of hoofwritten notes.

“He's been a thorn in my side for years; we despise each other. As part of his sniping, he sends Luna and me tickets for every single party he throws. And he throws a lot of parties. As retaliation, we very conspicuously never go to the parties.

“As luck would have it, he's hosting a party tonight, and that means Lovey Dovey and Sunny Skies will be attending.”

“Oh my, that is just the most darling dress!” exclaimed one of the mares in the small group.

“I-it is?” asked Sunny Skies, a touch nervously. “It's just something I had laying around.” Specifically, laying around in one of the palace's many storerooms. It was, in fact, probably older than the combined ages of every pony currently standing around her.

“Yes indeed,” confirmed Glowing Haze, nodding her head. “Why, the colors suit you just perfectly! And I simply adore how fluffy it is.”

“Well, thank you.”

After separating from Lovey, Sunny had eventually gotten pulled into a small group of high society mares. All of them wore dresses that looked as though they must have cost fortunes and been personally tailored—she saw at least one that was definitely a Rarity piece—but for some reason her simple dress was impressing them.

“I really like your dress too,” said Sunny shyly. “That stole looks like it could even be real phoenix down!”

“It is,” replied Glowing Haze, her obvious pride showing as she gave a little shrug with her shoulders, tossing the ends of the scarf upwards. The feathers weren't as brilliant as they would have been on a live phoenix, but they still rippled with dull flame under the lights.

“Gosh, it must have been expensive...” mused Sunny.

“Yes, it cost quite a pile of bits. Or at least it would have if I'd paid those ridiculous taxes that useless Princess puts on exotic imports... and if the feathers had been gathered in the usual way."

“The usual way?” wondered Sunny out loud, tilting her head curiously, ignoring the slight to her true identity.

There were smirks and knowing looks from the other mares, and Glowing Haze gave a little chuckle. "Yes, you see, the nice thing about a phoenix is if it starts to get old or slow down on production, it can be... reset. It really helps keep the price down when you have a steady supply like that."

“Oh my!” Sunny put a hoof to her mouth in shock. “T-that sounds illegal! Like, really, really illegal!”

“Oh, yes, yes,” Glowing Haze waved a hoof at her. “It's all handled very mercifully, though, trust me. Each bird gets its own little cage, and when the time comes they are refreshed rather painlessly. And we are, after all, the upper class of society. We must set an example for the lesser ponies, and that means looking our best at all times. Besides, Celestia has been out of touch with what ponies really want for ages. Her laws simply don't apply to those of us who know what is truly right and needed.”

“I see...” Sunny Skies shifted nervously. “Um, do you think maybe you could...”

Glowing Haze gave a small chuckle and nudged Sunny gently with a wing. “Sounds like you might have some business for my supplier... come see me later, we can work something out.”

“Okay!” said Sunny, smiling happily.

And she was happy about this unexpected little bonus. There had been rumors of an underground market in smuggled exotic goods, but no hard facts had ever come out. Now, thanks to chance and Sunny Skies, it looked like the Royal Guard had a lead to track down. It could even lead to the source of all the goods and whatever disgusting little factory they were running. She might give amnesty to Glowing Haze for the help she had unwittingly provided.

An image of Philomena came to her mind: the phoenix trapped in a tiny cage, her down harvested as the feathers naturally matured or plucked if production fell behind... and if that still wasn't enough, a quick, piercing needle of magic would produce a fresh new phoenix ready to provide some more down.

On second thought, there wouldn't be amnesty for anyone involved.

Lovey Dovey finished draining her wineglass, and made little noise of disappointment. Slowly, she ran her tongue around its rim, then stretched it far into the bottom of the glass, licking up every last drop. Three stallions and a mare passed out.

Sighing, Lovey dropped the glass, and two stallions hit their heads trying to catch it and began wrestling. Sashaying away, she let her hips swing wide, creating a domino effect as heads turned along her path to watch her pass.

Stopping at the buffet table, she looked over the food that was laid out, then let out a little groan, pouting. Almost immediately, another fight broke out behind her as ponies queued up to get close to her. Finally, a victor emerged.

“Is there a problem?” asked the stallion, panting a little, his hair disheveled and suit scuffed.

“Well, I want a carrot. But these ones...” She gestured at a bowl filled with carrots that, in keeping with upper class culinary traditions, were all tiny. “They're just so small.”

She fixed the stallion with bright, shining eyes, causing him to freeze. “Do you know where I could find a... big carrot?”

“A bluh... guh?” The stallion struggled mightily to form a coherent sentence, or even a word, and Lovey giggled just as he almost managed it, throwing him off again.

She was enjoying this far more than she should. Although, it had been too long since she'd had the opportunity for some good, old fashioned flirting with random ponies. And she'd never had an entire ballroom as her target before, nor had she ever been able to let herself put the charm on at full blast.

“Once we're in, we're going to need to recon a bit,” said Celestia, pointing at the ballroom on the blueprints for Concrete's villa. “The vault—and his collection—are in the basement, but we don't know what kind of security he has. No doubt there are wards and alarm runes and such, and the vault will be protected by a lock or locks of some kind. But we don't know anything about what kind of guards he'll have posted.”

Cadance nodded. “So we'll need to lay low when we get there, scope everything out.”

“No, no, no,” said Celestia, shaking her head. “That's the opposite of what we want to do. This is a high class function. It's going to be filled with ponies from the top of society, all trying to be seen at a large party. The last thing we want to do is draw attention to ourselves by not drawing attention to ourselves. So we will mingle, and mingle well.”

“Got it,” said Cadance, and grinned. “I've never taken Lovey out for a full test drive. This might actually be a lot of fun...”

Lovey circled the room, studying the hired thugs Concrete Horseshoes used for his security. As to be expected from the guards of a crime boss known for retaliation, they were bored and inattentive, especially here on their own ground. Identifying her prey, she stalked closer and closer, moving slowly before finally pouncing.

"Why, hello there," she said, giving her chosen guard a sultry look from under her eyelashes.

"Yes, miss?" he replied politely, giving her a surprisingly neutral glance. "Is there something you need help with?"

"Well, you see, I was looking for somewhere private I could go. Just to get away from all this for a while, to escape all these prying eyes."

"You're not really supposed be walking around the villa alone, miss," the guard said, a mild tone of admonishment in his voice.

"Uh..." Lovey gave her head a small shake as the guard once again remained stubbornly resistant to her charms. Equally stubbornly, she tried again. "I don't have to be there alone. There could be somepony else there with me. Just me and him, alone, in private, where no one else can see us..."

She raised a hoof, placing it on the guard's chest. He looked down at it for a moment, then back up at her. "I see. Miss, just so you know, I'm gay. So... not really interested."

"Oh my!" Lovey took her hoof back, moving it to her mouth in shock. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry—"

"There's nothing you need to apologize for."

"It's just that I can usually tell."

He gave a shrug. "Well, it's usually not really the kind of thing you can notice just by looking at somepony."

"You don't understand, I'm usually really good at knowing that kind of thing. It's practically my job."

"Well, maybe you're just having an off day, then," he said, giving her a polite nod and returning to his stance of staring watchfully out at the room full of partygoers.

Lovey Dovey stomped away, her face a red so bright it was visible even through the bright pink of her coat. Some Princess of Love! I can't even tell who's into who, she thought, humiliated.

This time she didn't bother drawing things out; she just picked the first guard she saw, walked up to him, and hit him with everything she had.

“Hello there, guard.”

Bored from watching a room full of ponies having more fun than him, Brass Criniere turned with a hopeful look on his face. He was expecting a partygoer looking for the bathroom, or maybe wanting to know when refreshments would be served. Even that would relieve the tedium. What he saw instead was a smoking hot mare, giving him what could only be described as 'bedroom eyes', wiggling her hips playfully.

“Excuse me,” Lovey Dovey said, in a breathy voice, “But I couldn't help noticing you standing here. Why aren't you out in the party with the rest of us, having fun?”

Brass Criniere gulped, disoriented by a sudden rush of hormones. “W-well, you see, I provide security for the host of the party. Those stairs over there lead down to the vau- to somewhere most ponies aren't allowed to go. So I have to make sure no one goes in there.”

“Oh... that's too bad. You see, I was actually looking for somewhere I could go to get away from all this for a little bit. Somewhere nice and secluded. Somewhere with a bed, maybe. And since I don't know my way around this place, well, I'd need somepony who does to show me the way...”

There wasn't much deliberation to be done after an invitation like that, and both ponies were quickly in a room one floor up. Lovey wandered around the room as Criniere sat on the bed expectantly.

“So many pretty things in here!” she exclaimed, taking in a painting upon one wall. “Does Concrete have any other nice things?”

“Well, yes, in the, um, in the vault.”

“Ooh, that sounds exciting!” She bounced over to stand in front of the security pony. “What kinds of things does he keep in there?”

“The, um, really expensive things. I haven't seen much of what's in there, but what I did see was impressive.”

“How do you get into the vault?”

“What?” Brass Criniere blinked. “Why do you want to know that?”

“Oh, you know, just curious.” Lovey leaned forward, running a gentle hoof down the side of his face. “Can't you tell me? I'm just wondering...”

He gulped. “Well... there are two locks on the vault. One needs a combination, the other a passcode.”

“Ooh, do you know what they are?”

“Well, I know the passcode but not the combination. You see, they split them up so nopony knows both—”

“Interesting.” Lovey leaned forward, her muzzle almost touching his as she whispered, “And just what is the passcode?”

“What? I...” He suddenly shook his head, pushing her away. “Look, I can't tell you that. And why are you asking in the first place?”

Lovey pouted at his suspicious glare. “I'm just curious. And besides...” she gave her hips a sway as she pranced in front of the security guard, flicking her tail up across his face, and finished in a low, hoarse whisper, “Knowing secrets like that makes me hot.”

“I... I... IIIIII...”

“How about this,” she said, still whispering, leaning forward and placing her head up next to his, “You can whisper it to me, and then I can give you a special present.”

“I, uh, I...” He panted a bit, breath hot on her ear, and finally whispered, “Celestia's big fat rump.”

“Mmm, haha, I like that. Thank you for telling me. Now, close your eyes and I'll give you that big, wonderful surprise we've both been drooling for.”

Obediently, Brass Criniere closed his eyes. Not one to be easily told what to do, though, he couldn't resist peeking. The funny thing was, the surprise seemed to be a hoof, and it was coming at him awfully fast—

“Once you've found somepony that knows about the vault and seduced them, we can—”

“Wait, what?!” cried Cadance, interrupting Celestia. “I'm married! You can't actually expect me to seduce another stallion, can you?”

“Or a mare, I don't know much about Concrete's security—”

“That's not the point! Flirting is all well and good, but I'm not going to seduce a pony when I'm married to Shining Armor!”

Celestia sighed. “Look, you don't actually have to do anything with him. Just make him think you're going to, get him somewhere private, get some information out of him, and then, I don't know, knock him out. Though obviously you're not going to do that, figure out something more realistic. Just think of it all as flirting taken to another level.”

Cadance let out a groan. “Okay, if that's what it's going to take. But I'm not happy about it.”

“Fine, fine. Anyway, that's your most important job. Everything after that is up to me...”

“Hello again, Lovey. Enjoying the party?” asked Sunny Skies.

“Oh, it's so much fun.” Lovey gave a wink and a nod, and Sunny brightened up. That was the signal; Lovey knew something. Sunny gave her own nod in response, and there was a quick glow from Lovey's horn.

Light flashed between them, a spell designed to muffle their conversation from any prying ears. They had fifteen seconds at most, though; any longer, or using it more than once, and they would seem more than just two friends sharing a juicy bit of gossip with each other.

“Vault is through that door, downstairs, matches the plans from what I can tell. Two locks on the vault, one needs a passcode, the other a combination. I've got the passcode, but you'll need to break the combination yourself.”

“No problem,” assured Celestia. “They aren't built to protect against alicorns; if I concentrate, there's no tumbler I can't hear moving.”

“I won't ask how you know that. And the passcode is... 'Celestia's big fat rump'.”

“I am not going to steal his book, I am going to murder him!” screamed Sunny in Celestia's voice, slipping through the disguise. “He is—”

Lovey's hoof slapped over Sunny's mouth, and gave her a meaningful look as the spell faded from the air around them. Growling came from behind the hoof, but slowly it faded. Sunny pushed Lovey's hoof away, took a deep breath, and nodded.

“Okay, I'm okay.”

Lovey gave her a searching look, then nodded back and turned away, heading back into the party. She had one last part to play this night.

Nopony paid much attention to Sunny Skies as she wandered around the edge of the room, admiring the artwork there. So nopony noticed when she went behind a pillar near the stairs to the vault and didn't come back out.

Well, that wasn't completely true. A shimmering blur in the air, hard to even see unless you were looking for it, moved out from behind the pillar. Swiftly making her way to the empty doorway and descending the stairs, Sunny shot down the hall leading to the vault, still mostly invisible. The only thing that saw her, in fact, was a scrying crystal set to detect heat signatures in that hall.

At the guard station in front of the vault, the pony looking between the scrying crystals frowned. There was activity on one crystal, but not on any of the others. He gave it a few taps with his hoof, but the moving red and pink spot remained.

“Hey Frank?” he called over his shoulder.

“Yeah, Ed?” came the response.

“I think there's something screwy with the heat vision crystal. It's showing something that—gaack!”

He cut off as a shimmering patch of air wrapped a foreleg around his throat from behind, cutting off his breath. He began flailing his own legs, trying to break the choke-hold on his neck as his partner started to draw his stun wand.

But the blur moved forward, and the flailing from the pony it had its grip on quickly pummeled his partner into unconsciousness. A few seconds later, he slumped down as well.

The shimmer coalesced into the shape of a pony, which, as its colors faded into view, turned out to be Sunny Skies. She looked down at the unconscious guards and gave a small smile.

“I really wish I could spend more time with the espionage department,” she mused as she moved to the vault. “They get the neatest toys...”

“Which is what I have this secret weapon for,” said Celestia proudly, gesturing towards one corner of the room.

Cadance looked over, frowning at the dress sitting on a ponnequin. “What, behind the dress?” she asked.

“No, it is the dress. One of the neat little gadgets that was cooked up long ago by the ponies in intelligence.”

“Oh, you mean spies?”

“No, they are officially the Royal Intelligence Gathering Department,” replied Celestia with a disapproving sniff.

“RIGiD?” asked Cadance, blinking in surprise. “You mean they actually exist?”

“Of course not, don't be silly. And they definitely never developed a dress that can do this.”

She ran a hoof along the lining around the neck, and suddenly the dress, and the ponnequin it was on, shimmered and disappeared.

“That's incredible,” Cadance murmured, eyes wide. “Unicorns have been working on invisibility spells since... since forever. Somepony actually found out how to do it?”

“Not quite.” Celestia put a hoof behind the dress. When she held it still the outline of the dress was the only thing noticeable, and then only barely. But when she moved her hoof up and down, it wavered and rippled, like it was being viewed from underwater.

“It's not invisibility, just a kind of chameleon effect. You see whatever is on the other side of the dress. And the spell isn't quite perfect; as you can see, there's a bit of lag time as it updates the image. It also only works in the visible spectrum; for everything else, it's no different than a normal dress.

“But it can give you a few seconds of advantage, and that's all you need sometimes.”

Sunny Skies glowered at the first lock. Despite the ferocity on her face, it remained stubbornly closed. Finally, through clenched teeth, she ground out, “Celestia's big fat rump.” With a clunk, the lock released, and she turned the first handle.

Turning to the combination lock, she started to slow her breathing. Reaching deep down inside herself, she carefully turned her hearing up past its normal range of sensitivity.

Alicorn senses, as with everything else alicorn-related, were vastly more powerful than those of normal ponies. In the case of a few senses, such as hearing and smell, that could be a very bad thing; having an enhanced sense of smell when walking into a used stall was contraindicated.

Right now though, those senses were useful. At full strength, there wasn't a combination in Equestria who's tumblers she wouldn't be able to hear fall. However, that also meant that her ears would be sensitive enough that, say, the sound of someone walking too hard on the floor above would be extremely painful, potentially even debilitating. She'd have to be careful, and fast, to find the combination before anything could—

A thought struck her, and she dialed her hearing back to its usual, a bit above pony normal.

Walking back to the guard station, she began going through the uniforms of the guards she'd incapacitated. Searching the first yielded nothing, but in the hat of the second, tucked carefully into the strip of cloth running around the inside of the headband, was a slip of paper with three numbers on it: 36-92-18.

Never be afraid to let the foolishness and shortsightedness of others do your work for you, she thought happily, trotting back to the locks. Entering the combination, she pulled the second handle upward, and was rewarded with another satisfying clunk.

Slowly, the massive vault door swung inward, letting a golden light spill out into the corridor Sunny stood in. She walked in a few steps, then stopped, staring around in awe.

About her were works of art that would make any museum in the world jealous. Paintings, rich and beautiful, masterworks of realism or dreamscapes made into pigment and captured upon canvas, hung upon all the walls. In some cases, they were even held on racks due to a lack of room in which to hang them. Vases, sculptures, knick-knacks, curios, legitimate magical artifacts, ancient prototypes of important inventions... all this and more seemed to fill the room to bursting.

Anger warred with her awe as she gazed around; these treasures should be shared with the world, not hidden in some criminal's basement for his private pleasure. Longingly, she looked at a statue of Luna that depicted her as the Goddess of the Night. She recognized the statue; it had been one of the few created in praise of Luna before she had been banished, and this one in particular had been her sister's favorite. The last time she had seen it had been in their old castle. She desperately wished to take it with her, but it was far too big, and she had another target.

Besides, she would outlive Concrete Horseshoes. She would outlive even his family line, in all odds, and one day these treasures would be auctioned off. When they were, the auction house would find the Princess of the Sun sitting front and center, ready to bid with the entire Royal Treasury at her command.

But for now…

There, at the other end of the room, the entire wall was made up of bookshelves, no doubt filled with rare first editions and copies of books that now only existed in this room. In her haste to find what she had come for, Sunny Skies lifted off into the air, gliding across the vault.

As she passed over a pile of unsorted crates covered in a sheet, a deafening alarm went off and lights began flashing. Sunny Skies looked about, startled, and then suddenly slammed into the side of the enchanted binding circle she was now trapped inside.

“And, of course, all these plans are largely pointless,” Celestia finished, lowering her pointer. “We have no idea what kind of spells, traps, and other nastiness are actually waiting inside the vault itself. To go in there would be to guarantee they are all set off, trapping inside whichever unfortunate pony has entered.”

“Well, let's see what fun we've caught in our little web today,” chuckled Concrete Horseshoes, smiling nastily as the vault opened. “I hope this one lasts longer than our last visitor.”

His bodyguards spread out around him as he walked up to the binding circle at the center of the room. It parted at his approach, and he shook his head sadly at the hooded figure before him. “You know, proper planning would have been a really good idea before rushing into—”

He stopped, realizing he was talking to a couple of crates stacked on top of each other and covered by a sheet.

“What—” he managed to say, before Sunny Skies popped out from behind a larger crate.

"Surprise!" she cried, hip-checking Concrete into the decoy she'd made and sending him crashing to the floor.

She darted into the air, the first round of stunner spells shooting under her as she launched herself forward. Before a second volley could get off, she'd passed over the guards' heads, dropping a smoke bomb as she went.

It exploded, filling the room with a dense gray smoke that obscured vision and made anypony unfortunate enough to breath it in start choking. To add to the confusion, the smoke started setting off the other defensive spells inside the vault as well, filling what remained of the guards’ vision with blinding flashes of light and showers of sparks.

Bursting out of the smoke, Sunny took off down the corridor back to the main ballroom. She laughed with glee as she did so; the look on Concrete's face when he realized he'd been tricked would make all of this worth it even if they didn't get the book.

Stunner spells sizzled in the air around her as she flew, but she ignored them. The few guards that had the presence of mind to fire after her were still coughing and half-blinded from the smoke, and their spells were poorly aimed if at all. She didn't even bother trying to fly in an evasive pattern. Which was a mistake; even poorly aimed spells can still hit a target.

One struck her in the wing, causing the appendage to seize up and fold against her side. With a cry, she crashed into the floor, tumbling several feet. The wing was already recovering as she got to her hooves, alicorn biology once again coming to her aid, but that wasn't going to be any help against the guards that had been left at the top of the stairs. In desperation, she hit the cloaking spell on her dress and rushed up at them as she mostly faded from view.

Crashing into the guards, she knocked them apart. But while they were simply hired help, that didn't mean they hadn't been trained, or that they were worthless. Both recovered enough to turn and send stun spells at the blur that was passing them. Since the only way for Sunny to go was out the door, that was where they aimed, and that was where she was when both spells hit her square in the back.

Fortunately, the spell woven into the dress took the brunt of the hit, overloading and dropping her invisibility; what got through was barely enough to make her back tingle. Unfortunately, the overloading spell caused her dress to catch fire. Fortunately, that meant nothing to her. Unfortunately, a flaming pegasus would have a hard time escaping, especially through a crowd of flammable ponies. So she threw herself into the fountain at the center of the room.

Lovey waited nervously behind the hedge next to Concrete Horseshoes's villa, peeking out every once in awhile. Her magic had made it easy enough to sneak back onto the grounds, but there were still guards patrolling the lawn, and the last thing she wanted was for one of them to spot her and cause a commotion. After all, her job here wasn't to provide a distraction, it was to be the exit strategy.

What that would entail, she had no idea. Celestia hadn't exactly been forthcoming with a lot of the plan, and she had a sneaking suspicion that was because the Sun Princess didn't know herself. For somepony who'd spent centuries carefully guiding Equestria along a well-prepared path, she'd shown a worrying penchant for improvisation today.

In fact, all she'd told Lovey to do at this point was to find her way outside and be ready to act when she heard the signal. She hadn't even said what she was supposed to do, or even what the signal would be—

Screaming came from inside the villa, along with the sounds of crashing and the buzz of spells.

Well, at least it was obvious. Taking a last look around for guards, Lovey leapt up to a nearby window ledge with a burst of magic.

Panting, Sunny pushed herself further back against the statue, flinching as another round of stunner spells crashed into the stone near to her.

“Come on, come on,” she muttered, beginning to get nervous.

Seconds after pulling herself out of the fountain, all the security ponies who had gone into the vault came charging out onto the ballroom floor. In desperation, she had flown up to the unicorn statue, sheltering in the small crevice between its neck and upraised foreleg.

It was hard for the security ponies to get a good angle to shoot at her from, but she was surrounded now, and they were closing in. She was trapped, the constant covering fire from the advancing guards keeping her in place as they moved in for the kill.

Salvation came, as the windows on the far side of the room crashed open.

“Your escort has arrived!” called Lovey, perched upon the wide ledge outside the window.

With a mighty leap, Sunny threw herself into the air. Five separate stun spells targeted her and speared in with deadly accuracy... but were beat to the punch by a shield spell from Lovey.

Sunny giggled as the spells reflected off the shield, causing Concrete to dance back as one impacted at his hooves.

“Thank you for a wonderful evening!” she called, flying across the room to the open window. More spells bounced off the shield, the ricochets stunning random ponies in the crowd as she went.

Lovey dropped to the lawn, trotting quickly to the wall surrounding the grounds as Sunny shot through the air behind her. One lone, overeager guard charged towards them, firing his wand.

Sunny rolled, the bolts passing just below the tips of one wing, as Lovey charged up her shield spell again. Two of the bolts that bounced off the shield hit the guard in the chest, and he crashed to the well-manicured lawn, skidding several feet on his face.

Sweeping upwards, Sunny made a perfect landing on the wall, pausing for a moment to wait for Lovey. The unicorn reached the wall, teleporting up to a perch next to the pegasus, and together the two dropped into the street below.

Trotting swiftly, but doing their best not to show any undue urgency, they made their way into a nearby alley. Once there, they pulled out the stashed saddlebags they'd hidden behind a pile of boxes and quickly stuffed their dresses—or ashen remains of said dresses—into the bags.

Concentrating hard, they changed their disguises, removing the wings and horns respectively. Unlike changelings, alicorns could not change shape at will; they had one normal pony disguise and that was it. But with work, they could temporarily suppress parts of the disguise, just as they could bring forth wings or a horn, whichever they lacked.

Casually, the two earth ponies walked out of the alley and up the street, glancing curiously at the horde of bodyguards pouring out of the nearby villa. At the end of the street, they separated, saying their goodbyes.

But while one pony kept on walking down the path she'd chosen, the other went into a nearby warehouse.

“What?!” cried Cadance, slamming her hooves onto the table, “Then what's the point of all these plans if whoever goes into that vault is going to get caught?!”

“Because, my dear niece,” said Celestia, her smile turning positively demonic, “That is the plan.”

Celestia dropped her disguise as she crossed the interior of the empty warehouse. At one end a large sheet of metal lay on the floor. With her magic, she easily shifted it aside and descended the stairs beneath.

She looked around nervously as she worked her way through the dark basement, despite the glow of her horn. Even though she was expecting it, she still almost flinched as two changelings came at her out of the gloom, one with green eyes, the other blue.

“Ka-klack. Sqwuark.” She nodded to each in turn. “I'm pleased to see you here.”

“The Hive never dies,” replied the one with blue eyes, nodding back to her.

“I... um—“

“It's a traditional changeling greeting,” explained the other changeling.

“Oh. Well, thank you.” She pawed at the ground nervously, then asked, “Did you... did you get it?”

The changelings looked at each other, then one pulled out a wrapped parcel and passed it to the Princess. Holding her breath, she opened the package, and let out a nearly silent gasp of awe as she pulled out the first edition of Starswirl's Treatise on Harmony.

“It's... perfect,” she breathed, nearly crying as she ran a hoof down the book's spine.

“Yep,” said the green-eyed changeling. “Looks like it's got a fairly high level preservation enchantment on it. I'd say it's been on there for quite a while; probably been renewed a few times. Or more than a few, going by its age.”

“You know quite a bit about magic.” Celestia raised an eyebrow, impressed enough that she took her gaze off the book and slipped it back into the satchel.

“Well, I was a mage for a while, a few hatchings back,” admitted Ka-klack, shuffling nervously. “I learned a lot.”

“Well, thank you. Both of you.” She bent forward, pulling the two changelings into a hug. They hummed happily, absorbing the love she gave off.

“I must admit, I was surprised when you agreed to help me so readily,” said Celestia when they separated, a sly, knowing smile on her face. “Especially you, Ka-klack.”

“M-me?” the changeling stammered nervously.

“Yes. I know you were one of the changelings that put me in that cocoon during the wedding.”

“Oh. Ah, y-you see—”

“It's okay, it's okay,” Celestia chuckled. “That's all in the past now. Hopefully. I am really glad for the help, though.”

“You are the sister of the Queen Consort,” replied Sqwuark. “To make you happy is to make her happy. And to make her happy makes our Queen happy.”

“I... see. Still, you have my personal thanks as well.”

She turned an interested gaze past the changelings, and walked up between them. They moved aside nervously, exchanging glances.

“Is that the tunnel?” asked Celestia, studying the hole that had been burrowed into the basement floor. Only a foot or two below was visible in the glow from her horn, the rest just a black pit.

“Ah, yes,” said Ka-klack. “Very dark in here for a pony, though, don't want to get too close to it, right?”

“I suppose not.” Celestia stepped back. “I was impressed with how fast you were able to tunnel over to Concrete Horseshoes's vault. That kind of operation would have taken at least two or three days for a team of ponies. You had no trouble with any alarms in the vault, I assume? I did my best to set them all off when I was in there.”

“We checked to make sure, but no, no problems with any of the alarms or traps at all," said Ka-klack. "As for the tunneling, most hives have to be dug out. Finding an appropriate series of caverns can be hard. And... well, we've had to make new hives fairly often. We've gotten very good at digging tunnels over the centuries.”

“I'm hoping your Queen's... marriage to my sister... will be an end to that. There's no reason we can't all live together in peace.”

The changelings sagged with relief as she started to leave, then stiffened up as she suddenly turned back. “You will replace the floor of Concrete's vault, won't you?” she asked, worried. “If he were to get even a hint of what happened—”

“Nothing to worry about, Princess,” replied Sqwuark, waving a holed hoof nonchalantly. “We have many fine masons in the Hive. Many fine, well, everything, as a matter of fact. If he does notice our work, it will be because his floor suddenly looks better than it did before.”

Celestia smiled at the changelings. “Thank you for the reassurance. And, again, thank you for your help here today.”

“Think nothing of it.”

“Goodbye, Princess.”

Clutching a wing over the book possessively despite it still being in the saddlebag, Celestia departed, changing back into Sunny Skies and taking to the air as she left the warehouse.

“It's amazing,” Cadance said while leafing carefully through the Treatise. “Twilight is going to absolutely love this. I take back what I said before; it was definitely worth all that trouble.”

Celestia nodded, the slightly dreamy smile she'd had on her face since returning to the palace still in evidence. “It's the perfect gift. And... if she rejects me, maybe it will be enough to—”

“Oh, hush. That's not going to happen.” Cadance gave a wicked smile. “Besides, I'm the Princess of Love, and her old foalsitter. If I tell her to love you, she'd darn well better.”

Celestia let out a little chuckle, some of the tension that had formed in her shoulders disappearing. “You're right, she doesn't stand a chance.” A contemplative frown appeared on her face. “Now I just need the right time to give it to her and tell her how I feel. I was thinking that tomorrow, we could all have a picnic, and I—”

She stopped as the doors to the drawing room opened, and a bedraggled Shining Armor dragged himself in. Staggering up to an overstuffed chair, he collapsed.

“Good evening, dear. Long day?” teased Cadance.

He let out a groan. “What do you want to hear about, chasing Luna and Chrysalis all over town to stop them from being arrested while they tried to traumatize every pony in Canterlot, or suddenly getting called away for an emergency investigation into the burglary of a prominent citizen?”

Cadance and Celestia immediately went poker-faced.

“Oh dear. Was there... a burglary?” asked Celestia.

“That is horrible,” Cadance deadpanned.

“Yeah,” Shining Armor scoffed. “Of course, maybe I should have put quotes around 'prominent citizen'. I think you'll like this, Celestia. It was Concrete Horseshoes who got robbed.”

“Oh my,” said Celestia, millennia of experience coming to her aid to keep the smile off her face.

“While I don't approve of anypony breaking the law, I have to say it couldn't have happened to a better pony.”

“That's right,” said Cadance firmly. “He deserves everything he gets.”

“As an officer of the Royal Guard, I can't say I agree with you. The protection of the law is extended to all citizens,” said Shining Armor primly, then snorted. “Of course, speaking as just plain me, I agree with the both of you. It's hard to think of a better sight than Concrete Horseshoes standing there in shock, looking around an utterly empty vault.”

“WHAT?!”

“Is she gone?”

Ka-klack came back down the stairs, pony disguise disappearing in a flash of green, and he nodded. “Flew away back to the palace. We're safe.”

Together, they walked back to the hole they'd dug in the basement floor.

“Alright, back to work you lot!” called Sqwuark. “We'll pull out in another ten minutes, but I want that vault completely cleaned out by then!”

Down in the tunnel, two lines of changelings resumed their march. One line, consisting of unencumbered changelings, led into Concrete Horseshoes's vault—the vault in which Celestia had oh-so-conveniently set off every single alarm and trap not ten minutes ago. The other line went into a tunnel that continued off towards Canterlot Palace, and all those changelings were weighed down with majestic paintings, delicate statues and vases, volume upon volume of rare books, and all kinds of other precious objects and works of art.

“You don't think Celestia will be angry when she finds out we're building a new hive beneath her castle, do you?” asked Sqwuark, tilting his head inquiringly.

Ka-klack gave a little shrug. “She might be a bit upset, but she wouldn't really expect her new sister-in-law to live somewhere else, would she?”

He looked down into the tunnel, watching a statue depicting Luna as the Goddess of the Night go past.

“Besides, our Queen shall now have the most magnificent dowry this world has ever seen to present to her bride. How could the Princess stay mad after her sister receives such treasures?”

Author's Note

Here's the short version of Celestia escaping the vault:

Chapter Eleven: A Dream Come True

“Sister, please! You must lower the sun!”

“NEVER!”

“It is your duty!”

“MY ONLY DUTY NOW IS TO MAKE TWILIGHT SPARKLE MINE!”

“Celestia, I'm not kidding.” Luna rubbed a hoof on her forehead. “It's like... three hours until dawn.”

“Oh.” Celestia lowered her head, ashamed.

“I know you're excited for today, but you can't just raise the sun to make it happen sooner. For one thing, just imagine how Twilight will react if she sees the sun has risen several hours before it should.”

“Ah. Good point.” Celestia's horn glowed briefly and the hall darkened again. She then shuffled her hooves nervously, glancing around. “So, um, while we wait, do you want to—”

“Sister.” Luna gave Celestia a flat stare. “While we appreciate your excitement, we have much to do ourselves. Such as, for example, spending time with our own love, whom we have not had years to get to know. My suggestion would be that you go and get some sleep to prepare for the big day.”

“Oh. Um. Yes, okay.”

Luna shook her head as she watched her sister trot back down the hall, nearly prancing with nervous energy.

“Well, at least now when she's exhausted at lunchtime, she can't say I didn't tell her to get some rest.”

Celestia killed some time back in her bedroom, leafing through the Treatise. The first edition was a lot more raw than the later versions, and reading through it was almost like talking with Starswirl again. She smiled sadly as she read one of his theories on the Elements of Harmony, a theory that he had removed in later editions: that there was some power in friendship which fueled the Elements. It was a shame that Starswirl had never managed to learn that lesson, despite all his other discoveries.

Putting the book down, she frowned to herself and wandered over to her wardrobe. She should probably wear something special, but what? A dress didn't seem right; it would be too fancy, and she didn't want to be intimidating. Despite her feelings, she wanted to approach this day more casually.

Rummaging through her things, she finally picked out a bright yellow ribbon. That was, naturally, her favorite color. And with a bow tied firmly on its end, her mane would calm its waving down. Hopefully that would be less distracting.

Pacing about nervously once again, Celestia finally tried to settle down and clean her accoutrements. Removing one of her hoofcovers, she got the polish and a rag and gave it a good scrub. This was an important day, and she needed to look her best, so she made sure to polish it extra hard.

Holding up the bent and twisted piece of metal, she sighed, remembering why she typically had servants do this sort of thing. Throwing the former hoofcover into a corner, she picked a new one out of the box she kept in the closet. Maybe her regalia was fine the way it was.

Once more with nothing to do, she made her way to the balcony and tried to calm herself by staring out over Canterlot. But no matter how beautiful it was under Luna's moon—and it was beautiful, very much so—she still couldn't find that sense of serenity it usually inspired.

Still, she forced herself to stay there, as the current year passed into the next, then another, and another, until they became centuries, then millennia, and then eternities began flowing past, one after another, an eternity of eternities.

And then, finally, she realized it was time to raise the sun and begin the next day.

She did so, then stood there, blinking in confusion. She had been so excited for the day to begin that she hadn't even thought about the fact that there were still several hours to go before they all were to meet up with Twilight for the picnic.

With a little whimper, she fell back to the balcony again.

"My most faithful student, I have another exciting project for you to work on. This time, instead of learning about the magic of friendship, you'll be doing some more... advanced studies."

Celestia studied the words she'd written for a moment, then shook her head and crossed them out. While it makes a cute pet name for her, I may want to downplay her role as my student, she mused. Especially during an invitation to enter into a deeper and more equal relationship with each other.

"Twilight Sparkle, as the sovereign ruler of Equestria, I hereby declare my intention to court you."

Another pause for consideration, and then another shake of the head. Too formal. I sound like Luna did the first year or two after she came back. I don't want to be too intimidating to Twilight, either.

"So Twilight, you doing anything Friday night? I thought maybe we could go catch a play, get some dinner..."

Ugh, too casual now! And it doesn't even sound like a date, we used to do that kind of thing all the time when she still lived in Canterlot.

"Twilight, though my sun does burn bright, my love for you burns ever fiercer. It would make my heart soar if you would do me the pleasure—"

She stopped writing in the middle of that sentence and crossed it out. That's the kind of speech Cadance would come up with.

"Hey Twilight, wanna bang?"

Augh, now I sound too much like Chrysalis!

The sheet of paper, covered with doodles and scratched-out sentences, was crumpled into a ball by her magic and tossed across the room. Her horn pulsed briefly, incinerating the paper before it made it halfway, and she pulled another sheet towards herself.

Why is this so hard?!

Celestia's head suddenly jerked up, and she blinked rapidly.

She'd almost fallen asleep! That would have been a disaster of tragic proportions; after all, there were only a few more hours until it was time for the picnic, and if she fell asleep now she might sleep until it was time to leave and her sister would have to wake her up, and then she'd have to run around in a rush trying to get ready, and then she'd show up late and Twilight would be disappointed and think less of her, and she wouldn't want anything to do with her, and—

Celestia did her best impression of Twilight having a panic attack, finally managing to calm herself down with a few deep breaths, mirroring the motion of her chest with one foreleg—the same calming technique she'd taught Cadance all those years ago. She hadn't had to use it herself since before Luna's banishment, but it worked as well as ever.

She looked down at the papers still spread out before her and froze. While dozing, she had apparently started doodling. Several sheets were now covered with hearts, many of them containing the letters 'T + C', others with crudely combined drawings of her and Twilight's cutie marks. Even worse, scrawled about the papers were the words 'Celestia Dawnbringer-Sparkle', Twilight Sparkle-Dawnbringer', and 'Mrs. and Mrs. Dawnbringer-Sparkle'.

Face flaming red with embarrassment, she ignited all the papers to destroy the evidence. When the rug caught on fire as well, she spent a few moments panicking, thinking she'd have to call in the guards, before finally just lifting the whole thing into the air with her magic and letting it burn itself out there. Then, just to make sure, she carried the remains to her balcony and scattered the ashes to the winds.

There. Much better. Celestia marched back into her bedroom contentedly. It had been an old rug anyway, a few centuries at least, and no one beside her even remembered the civilization it had come from. She didn't remember much about them either, but surely cremation had been one of their traditions. They probably would have been happy about this.

She paused in the center of the room, looking around. She needed a less... potentially dangerous way to pass the time. Pacing about, looking through what seemed to be the endless bookshelves lining her bedroom, she ended up finding a photo album and settled down happily on her cushion to page through it.

This album had pictures of Twilight in it, naturally, and a small smile settled on Celestia's face as she looked at each photograph in turn. Here was Celestia hugging Twilight after accepting her into the School for Gifted Unicorns, here she was hugging Twilight after she had passed her first major exam, here she was hugging Twilight after she graduated, here she was hugging Twilight for... what seemed to be no reason at all, here she was hugging Twilight—

She paused. There was a definite theme going on in these photographs. Did she always hug Twilight that much? Only when her student accomplished something amazing, she finally decided. It was just that Twilight had done so many amazing things. And they also hugged when they said hello, of course. And goodbye. And... okay, maybe it was a lot.

They weren't exactly friendly hugs, either. Well, they were, but they always went on longer than was comfortable. Except they never became uncomfortable; not once could she remember an awkward hug with Twilight. It was just their thing, and maybe that said something about how good of an idea it was to ask Twilight to be her special somepony.

She turned the page and her frown of thought melted back into a smile. There was another picture of her hugging Twilight, except this time Luna was also included in the embrace. This had been the first picture taken of the three of them together after Luna had been freed, and the joy and love of that moment still lifted her heart. She knew now that that had been the moment her feelings for Twilight had really begun to take shape, and that just made her happier.

There were less pictures of the two of them hugging now, too. Instead, the photographs focused more on Twilight. Twilight running off to the Crystal Empire, Twilight from behind as she looked out a window in the castle, Twilight reaching up to get a book on a high shelf, Twilight bending down to get a book on a low shelf, Twilight—

Celestia paused again. There was another theme in these photographs, and it seemed to be Twilight's rump. Every picture managed to be from behind Twilight somehow, and in each picture her rear grew larger and larger, taking up more of the image, until the last few were nothing but the alicorn's backside—

Celestia slammed the album shut. There were probably plenty of other things she could be doing right now that wouldn't put her in such a disconcerted and distracted state. She started to float the book back to the shelf where it belonged, then paused. Glancing around furtively, she lifted her mattress and slipped the book inside through a slit in the bottom, resting it next to a well-worn notebook and a recently purchased novel.

After another interminable length of time—nearly more than half an hour—Celestia decided to see if anypony else was awake yet. Luna, at the least, should be free now. Just after dawn was her typical dinnertime. The dining room was empty however, so she made her way to Luna's bedchamber.

“Sister, would you like to—” she started to call, pushing open the doors with her magic.

“MMMPH?!” cried Chrysalis, trying to look back at Celestia from a very intimate location.

There was a long, awkward silence.

“Well, I did say I was going to get to know her better,” said the Princess of the Night finally, with a sly grin. “And look, I found something she likes—”

“EWEWEWEWEWEW!” cried Celestia, slamming the doors behind her as she fled.

She grimaced as she trotted quickly down the hall, sticking her tongue out, shaking her head in a desperate—and futile—attempt to forget what she had just seen. Slowing up as she came to the door to Cadance and Shining Armor's guest room, she let out a relieved sigh as she heard voices coming from within. Maybe those two would help her—

“MMMPH?!” cried Cadance, looking up as Celestia opened the door.

“MMF?! Aah! C-Celestia?!” sputtered Shining Armor, peering past Cadance's tail.

“AAAAUGH!”

Eyes squeezed shut from the force of trying to block the last five minutes from her mind, Celestia ran through the palace halls. There were spells that could lock off parts of one's memory, but she ruled that idea out quickly. Those spells had to have something that would trigger them later, to bring the memories back. No matter what she chose as the trigger, over the course of her eternal life it was guaranteed something would set it off. But good old fashioned denial and repression... well, that lasts forever.

Pushing open the door to the kitchens, Celestia stumbled inside. The strain of the last few minutes had reminded her of how little sleep she had gotten the previous night. Opening the cupboard doors, she made grumbling noises upon finding it devoid of coffee. Making her way to the pantry, she pushed the door open.

“MMMPH?!” cried the Royal Guard, trying to look back over his shoulder.

“AAH! P-Princess Celestia?!” cried the cook, his face turning a bright red.

“OH, COME ON!” Celestia slammed the pantry door and stomped out of the kitchen. “Am I the only pony in this castle not getting any?!”

“Is everybody ready?”

All five ponies had gathered in the hall outside Celestia's room and, after an uncomfortable few minutes, had collectively decided they were all going to pretend the morning's events hadn't happened.

“We've got everything, right?” fretted Celestia. “I know the food is good to go, I made Twilight's favorite, but if we don't have the rest of the things for the picnic then—”

“Then we'll pop back here and get them,” finished Cadance soothingly. “It's not like forgetting the blanket would ruin everything.”

“You're right, you're right,” sighed Celestia. “I just want everything to be... perfect.”

“Trust me, I know exactly what you mean,” said Chrysalis. “But as long as there aren't any pesky ponies around to ruin things when they are going perfectly, everything will be fine. You just need to relax.”

This earned the changeling a frown from Shining Armor. “While I don't exactly agree with all of that sentiment, Chrysalis does have a point,” he said. “It's Twilight. If anyone is going to understand and accept you, it's her.”

“Thank you all, so much,” said Celestia, eyes starting to get teary. “For all your help...”

“It's what we're here for, sister,” said Luna, laying a gentle hoof on Celestia's shoulder, and they shared a quick nuzzle.

“Now, you didn't forget the book, did you?” she continued, in a teasing tone.

“Of course not! I have it right here—” Celestia stopped in mid-sentence, staring in horror at the book held in her magic's golden glow. “I-I forgot to wrap it! I've ruined everything!” She collapsed to the floor, tears starting to flow from her eyes.

“Really, sister? Really?” said Luna, rolling her eyes.

“Ugh, she's making me sad now, too,” complained Chrysalis, ears drooping. “I can taste her sadness.”

“Celestia, just go wrap it,” said Cadance, nudging her with a hoof. “We'll go on ahead and tell Twilight you just got delayed a little bit. I mean, the picnic's not going to be canceled just because you spend fifteen minutes wrapping a gift, right? For one thing, it will give us time to explain the little... addition to our family.” She gave a head nod towards the depressed changeling being comforted by Luna.

“Oh! O-of course.” Celestia stood up, shaking her head. “I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit anxious, I guess.”

“No problem,” said Cadance, moving away to stand next to the others. “We'll meet you there.”

“Goodbye!” called Celestia, waving a hoof.

The moment they disappeared in the flash of multiple teleportation spells, she was gone, racing off into the castle. Finding the wrapping paper was easy, but finding the wrapping paper she wanted wasn't. Birthday, Hearth's Warming, even Nightmare Night papers were all present in abundance, but there was a distinct lack of 'I Want to Date You' paper.

Finally, she settled on plain brown paper wrapping tied with twine. It was efficient and practical, just the kind of thing Twilight would appreciate. Something was missing, though. Appreciate it she might, but you don't give something so plain to a pony who means so much to you.

Inspiration struck and Celestia pulled open the door to the ribbon closet. After digging herself out of the avalanche, she dove back in and swam through the pile until she found the perfect color: a shade of magenta that, to her eye, perfectly matched the brightest streak in Twilight's mane.

She twisted it around the string binding the book and held it up in front of herself. Perfect, she thought, then lit her horn and disappeared in a flash of magic.

Blinking away the residual effects of the teleportation spell, Celestia looked around and spotted the familiar figures gathered in front of Twilight's castle. Leaping forward, she opened her mouth to shout a cheerful greeting.

That greeting died in her throat, and she slowly cantered to a halt as she fully took in the scene before her.

Twilight and Chrysalis were snarling at each other, reared up onto their hind legs. Chrysalis looked merely indignant, but Twilight's face held a fury Celestia had rarely seen upon it before. Her mane and wings were larger than normal; Chrysalis's sudden appearance had, it would seem, prompted Twilight to break out the Rainbow Power.

Luna stood in front of Chrysalis, clearly begging for reason, while Cadance was doing the same before Twilight. Both seemed to be nearly pleading with their respective pony friends for calm.

But there was no yelling, no shouting and screaming, no pleas for peace. Only silence hung over the courtyard.

All four ponies were motionless stone statues.

Celestia's jaw dropped as she stared, dumbfounded. After a moment, she trotted forward. So intently was she focused on the statues that she hardly saw the ponies gathered in a small group on one side of the courtyard, and the pony that stood in the shadows of Twilight's castle went completely unnoticed. She slowed as she neared the group of stone figures, finally stopping a few feet away.

"Luna..." she growled at the statue of her sister. "If this is some prank of yours, some kind of joke, it is not funny."

The statue remained remarkably unmoved by her glare, and she turned to Chrysalis.

"You're all changelings, aren't you? Luna put you up to this, made you all turn into copies of my friends that look like stone." She moved forward until she was muzzle-to-muzzle with the Queen. "Admit it! Come on, blink. Blinkblinkblink. Blink! I dare you!"

Once more there was no response, and Celestia moved back a few steps. She stood there, eyes moving between each statue in turn, and her lips began to tremble. Finally, they curled up, exposing her teeth in a terrifying snarl.

"Are you bucking kidding me?!" she shrieked. "After everything we went through to get this stupid book, I leave you alone for ten minutes and you all get turned to stone?! Do you know how much work this is going to take to fix?! You... I just..."

She struggled to keep herself in control, her hooves grinding into the ground, teeth clenched tightly together... then finally she threw her head back and screamed up into the sky. "Craaaaaap! Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!"

The wing holding the wrapped book stretched up into the air, ready to slam it to the ground. Struggling against herself, she managed to stagger forward a few steps and place the book semi-gently on the cobblestones at Twilight's hooves.

Gift thus safely removed from the line of fire, she moved back and had herself a tantrum.

For the next five minutes she stomped around, bucking her legs in the air and slamming them onto the cobblestones. She used her wings to lift herself off the ground and crash back down, hopping around in a circle, snorting as she went. Bolts of energy began to arc off her horn, blowing craters in the cobblestones around the much larger hole she was smashing into the ground with the force of her blows. And she raved the entire time, filling all five minutes with an unbroken string of obscenities that hadn't been heard by mortal ears in centuries.

Slowly, she cooled down, stomps turning to weak, unenthusiastic taps. Finally she halted, mane hanging down over her face as she panted. Her horn briefly lit up, returning the broken cobblestone to their original state.

Half turning, face still hidden by her mane, she raised her voice so the ponies on the other side of the courtyard could hear her. "In case you think you saw something just now, I can assure you that you did not."

"’Course not, Princess."

"O-okay."

"As long as you don't do something like that to me, we're cool, Princess."

"Don't worry about it, dear."

"Okie dokie, Princess Crazy!"

"Of course, sister."

"Whatever you say, ma'am."

Shaking the dust from her flanks and smoothing a few errant strands of ethereal mane back into place, Celestia straightened up, casting one last glance back towards the group of statues.

I'll do whatever it takes, my dear Twilight, she thought, gazing at a face that was beautiful even in its rage. If I have to cross this entire world to free you, if I have to journey to the moon and back, I will.

Turning, she marched across the courtyard and stopped in front of the group of Twilight's friends and Shining Armor, arching one eyebrow. "So. Would anypony here like to share what happened?"

"Queen Chrysalis attacked us!" cried Rainbow Dash, one hoof jabbing out towards the statues. "I was just napping—I mean, clearing some clouds over Ponyville, when suddenly Twilight activated the Rainbow Power."

"So, we all headed over to the castle as quickly as we could," continued Rarity, "and saw that monster, Chrysalis, fighting with Twilight."

"She was saying all this craaaazy stuff, too!" Pinkie Pie put in. "Like that she didn't want to fight and that she was marrying your sister!"

"We think she was controlling Princess Luna's mind, along with Cadance’s and Shining Armor's," said Fluttershy quietly. "They were saying the same things, and trying to stop Twilight and us from fighting Chrysalis."

"So, finally, we used the Rainbow Power on ol' Queen Bug," finished Applejack, with a guilty look towards the stone ponies. "But... they all got caught in the blast."

"Oh, no, no no," moaned Celestia, burying her face in her hooves. "Girls, I appreciate what you were trying to do, but Chrysalis was telling the truth. She wasn't attacking you at all."

All five ponies stared at her in shock, and Pinkie Pie suddenly let out a huge gasped, pointing one hoof at Celestia. "The Queen brainwashed her too! Quick, get her!"

Celestia recoiled in shock, one hoof raising up as though to shield herself from the unstoppable barrage of rainbows that was no doubt imminently inbound. But there was no attack, and after a long, tense moment of silence, the ponies let out the breaths they had been holding.

Rarity looked around at her friends, nodding in satisfaction. "I'm glad to see everypony remembered our long-standing 'don't do anything when Pinkie Pie yells open fire' rule."

"Aww." Pinkie let out a disappointed moan, ears drooping.

"We still gotta figure out a way to free Celestia's mind, though," said Rainbow Dash. "We could try dropping a coconut on her head!"

"Nah, that only works for amnesia," Applejack said with a shake of her head, "but I bet one of Granny Smith's famous home remedies would fix the Princess up in no time!"

"Or we could go to Zecora!" Rarity added brightly. "She knows all kinds of potions, surely one of them can cure brainwashing."

"Or you could just ask me," Celestia said caustically, "and I could tell you that since you turned her to stone, any sort of control she might have had over me would have been broken. Not to mention that not even a Changeling Queen can control the mind of one alicorn, let alone three. Plus Shining Armor, but after everything he's been through his mind is so weak he hardly counts."

"Hey, that's not fair…" Shining Armor, off to one side, tried to object, but was ignored.

"Oh. So they were all tellin' the truth... and that means we..." Applejack trailed off, as she and her friends shared a look of combined realization and horror.

"That means you just turned your friend, my niece, my sister and my future sister-in-law to stone over a misunderstanding, yes," confirmed Celestia, nodding.

"Oh, darn," said Fluttershy, with a small sigh.

"That's all you have to say?!" demanded Rainbow Dash indignantly. "We just turned one of our best friends into a statue and 'oh darn' is the best you can come up with?!"

"Well, i-it's not like being turned to stone is permanent or anything," the yellow pegasus responded. "Besides, Discord says being a statue is very restful. It's like taking a long nap."

"I can promise you, it will not be a long nap," declared Celestia, holding her head high. "My sister and I found the Elements of Harmony once; I can find something similar again to save everypony. I doubt it will even be too much trouble. After all, turning somepony to stone is harder than changing them back."

"Yeah, that's right!"

"We can do this, no problem!"

"Yay! Road trip!"

The ponies' celebration trailed off as Celestia lowered her head and let out a sorrowful sigh. "I just wish... at least one of them had been spared. I have the utmost faith in you ponies, but I would feel so much better if I was once again questing with my sister at my side."

"Well, we might have some... 'good' news about all that," said Applejack carefully. "You see, apparently us usin' the Rainbow Power on Princess Luna had a little side effect..."

Celestia cocked her head to the side curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Why, they're talking about me, of course, dear sister."

A midnight black wing draped itself over Celestia's back, and she whipped her head around to find herself staring into a pair of large teal eyes with dagger-slit pupils.

"I can't tell you how excited I am to help you with this little rescue mission," said Nightmare Moon, a wide grin putting her pointed teeth on full display. "Why, just think of all the fun we'll have. And with the two of us working together, nothing in Equestria can stop us from saving them all."

To be continued

In...

Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon Team Up to Save Everyone

Author's Note

Fun Fact:

This is now the 100% canon, non-heartbreaking ending to the story, now with actual jokes.

Now, I want to say something here, because this is obviously the ending of Part One of something bigger. And I know that quite a few people have been insisting that this has to end with Celestia asking Twilight out. But... that's just not how this part of the story ends. I think had I ended the chapter this way originally, there would have been none of these bad feelings. But instead I made a joke that wasn't very funny to most people, and I've probably ended up poisoning people's opinions so badly that there's no ending that isn't a 100% happy Disney-type ending that would make them happy. That's completely my fault, and I'm sorry.

But this is where the story takes a break. For now. It's a simple matter of logistics. The way I see it, there are three ways to write a story online like this:

1 Write everything at once, post it when it's done. An option, but one that takes a long time to do. And in a lot of ways you end up shooting your load, and then there's nothing for everyone to look forward to.

2 Write and post a chapter at a time. A better choice, which I was forced to do with Changeling Courtship Rituals, but not my first choice. While it does play into my love of serials, there's too much time pressure; I have to get this chapter done this week, or else people will get upset! I'm also not a fan of the long breaks in between chapters that produces.

3 Write a chunk of the story at a time, and post those. Obviously, the option I chose. I like this because I can plan out manageable sections of the story, and when I finish one and want to make changes to the story, I can without having to rewrite large chunks of story that readers following along as I post would miss (If you read CCR as I posted it, you might have noticed that Ka-klack originally guest starred as the changeling who impersonated Twilight, before I decided changeling names should be more like serial numbers). It also means I can post at a consistent rate, rather than dribbling things out in the 'post as its done' method or having a huge bunch of nothing and then suddenly posting a story in the 'everything at once' method.

The bottom line is, I posted this so you could read it while I work on the sequel (or, in this specific case, the CCR sequel. Which I will then post while I work on the sequel to this, and so on).

I marked it complete because this phase of the story is done; Celestia has gone through her trials, she's gained the courage to reveal her feelings to her love and found the perfect present for her. Now come the tribulations, as she struggles to rescue her Princess from a dragon (well, three Princesses and a Queen from stone, but same thing).

And I marked it complete because, frankly, the rest of the story isn't done. It's simply not there. I have nothing I can post. My only other options would be to either mark this as 'on hiatus', or just remove it completely until I have the rest done. I don't like either of those, so I'm saying it's done. Sometimes, this is how a story ends. Sometimes Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite and you don't get to find out if Leia can save him and they fall in love until the sequel.

Also, if you complain, I'll take the suggestion a few commenters have made and when Celestia reveals her feelings it will turn out that Twilight isn't into mares.

But in all seriousness, this is just a cliffhanger ending. It's "To be Continued." That's all. There's plenty more craziness, and even some gooshy love stuff, to come.

Chapter Eleven: A Dream Come True (Heartbreak Version)

“Sister, please! You must lower the sun!”

“NEVER!”

“It is your duty!”

“MY ONLY DUTY NOW IS TO MAKE TWILIGHT SPARKLE MINE!”

“Celestia, I'm not kidding.” Luna rubbed a hoof on her forehead. “It's like... three hours until dawn.”

“Oh.” Celestia lowered her head, ashamed.

“Ah. Good point.” Celestia's horn glowed briefly and the hall darkened again. She then shuffled her hooves nervously, glancing around. “So, um, while we wait, do you want to—”

“Oh. Um. Yes, okay.”

Luna shook her head as she watched her sister trot back down the hall, nearly prancing with nervous energy.

“Well, at least now when she's exhausted at lunchtime, she can't say I didn't tell her to get some rest.”

And then, finally, she realized it was time to raise the sun and begin the next day.

With a little whimper, she fell back to the balcony again.

"My most faithful student, I have another exciting project for you to work on. This time, instead of learning about the magic of friendship, you'll be doing some more... advanced studies."

"Twilight Sparkle, as the sovereign ruler of Equestria, I hereby declare my intention to court you."

"So Twilight, you doing anything Friday night? I thought maybe we could go catch a play, get some dinner..."

Ugh, too casual now! And it doesn't even sound like a date, we used to do that kind of thing all the time when she still lived in Canterlot.

"Twilight, though my sun does burn bright, my love for you burns ever fiercer. It would make my heart soar if you would do me the pleasure—"

She stopped writing in the middle of that sentence and crossed it out. That's the kind of speech Cadance would come up with.

"Hey Twilight, wanna bang?"

Augh, now I sound too much like Chrysalis!

Why is this so hard?!

Celestia's head suddenly jerked up, and she blinked rapidly.

“Sister, would you like to—” she started to call, pushing open the doors with her magic.

“MMMPH?!” cried Chrysalis, trying to look back at Celestia from a very intimate location.

There was a long, awkward silence.

“Well, I did say I was going to get to know her better,” said the Princess of the Night finally, with a sly grin. “And look, I found something she likes—”

“EWEWEWEWEWEW!” cried Celestia, slamming the doors behind her as she fled.

“MMMPH?!” cried Cadance, looking up as Celestia opened the door.

“MMF?! Aah! C-Celestia?!” sputtered Shining Armor, peering past Cadance's tail.

“AAAAUGH!”

“MMMPH?!” cried the Royal Guard, trying to look back over his shoulder.

“AAH! P-Princess Celestia?!” cried the cook, his face turning a bright red.

“OH, COME ON!” Celestia slammed the pantry door and stomped out of the kitchen. “Am I the only pony in this castle not getting any?!”

“Is everybody ready?”

All five ponies had gathered in the hall outside Celestia's room and, after an uncomfortable few minutes, had collectively decided they were all going to pretend the morning's events hadn't happened.

“We've got everything, right?” fretted Celestia. “I know the food is good to go, I made Twilight's favorite, but if we don't have the rest of the things for the picnic then—”

“Then we'll pop back here and get them,” finished Cadance soothingly. “It's not like forgetting the blanket would ruin everything.”

“You're right, you're right,” sighed Celestia. “I just want everything to be... perfect.”

“Thank you all, so much,” said Celestia, eyes starting to get teary. “For all your help...”

“It's what we're here for, sister,” said Luna, laying a gentle hoof on Celestia's shoulder, and they shared a quick nuzzle.

“Now, you didn't forget the book, did you?” she continued, in a teasing tone.

“Really, sister? Really?” said Luna, rolling her eyes.

“Ugh, she's making me sad now, too,” complained Chrysalis, ears drooping. “I can taste her sadness.”

“Oh! O-of course.” Celestia stood up, shaking her head. “I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit anxious, I guess.”

“No problem,” said Cadance, moving away to stand next to the others. “We'll meet you there.”

“Goodbye!” called Celestia, waving a hoof.

She twisted it around the string binding the book and held it up in front of herself. Perfect, she thought, then lit her horn and disappeared in a flash of magic.

Blinking away the residual effects of the teleportation spell, Celestia looked around and spotted the familiar figures gathered in front of Twilight's castle. Trotting forward, she opened her mouth to shout a cheerful greeting.

That greeting died in her throat, and she slowly cantered to a halt as she fully took in the scene before her.

Luna stood in front of Chrysalis, clearly pleading for reason, while Cadance was doing the same before Twilight. Both seemed to be nearly begging for their respective pony friends to calm down.

But there was no yelling, no shouting and screaming, no pleas for peace. Only silence hung over the courtyard.

All four ponies were motionless stone statues.

Slowly, Celestia began to walk forward. The wrapped book dropped from beneath her numb wing, falling unnoticed to the cobblestones. Equally unnoticed went the seven ponies and small dragon she trotted past, despite the fact that five of them were blazing with Rainbow Power.

“Um, Princess, we might have a bit of bad news for y'all...” started Applejack, rubbing the back of her head nervously. "There was sort of an incident with the Rainbow Power. See, Queen Chrysalis surprised us, and..." She trailed off as she realized the Princess wasn't paying attention to anything but the statues.

Celestia trotted up to the silent tableau before her. She went to her sister first, running a hoof sadly along the now unmoving and opaque mane. That same hoof was gently placed against the side of Cadance's stone head, and even Chrysalis got a pitying glance.

And then, finally, Celestia turned to Twilight.

For a long time it looked as though five statues stood before the palace, as Celestia stared at the pony she loved. Despite the rage on Twilight's face, despite the pit of loss Celestia could feel opening up inside herself, all she could think of was how beautiful Twilight still looked.

Movement came, after a time. At first it was her shoulders, a slight shaking. Then she raised a trembling hoof, trying to reach Twilight's face. Before she could make it, the dam finally burst. Celestia Dawnbringer, Princess of the Sun and Monarch of Equestria, threw herself at the hoof of the statue that was all that remained of her love, her crown falling from her head and tumbling away as she wept bitterly.

The wind howled through the courtyard in front of Twilight's crystal castle. At the courtyard's center stood four ponies, all royal, all frozen in a moment of time, their flesh turned to stone. And at their hooves lay the fifth monarch of Equestria, utterly despondent.

How long she lay there, Celestia never knew. She had wept for what seemed like forever, until the tears had burned hot in her eyes and finally dried up, refusing to come no matter how hard she sobbed. Her eyes, squeezed closed after she first collapsed, still stayed firmly shut, as though by not viewing the scene before her she could deny it had ever happened. Even now, driven to exhaustion by sorrow, she still tried to weep, body wracking with a few futile sobs.

The other ponies were watching her, she knew. What was left of her friends and family stood on the edge of the courtyard, a respectable distance away but still looking on, no doubt confused by the power of her emotions. They couldn't understand how she felt, what she had lost, and she wanted to scream at them to get away, to leave her alone... but even in her grief she knew not to do something so cruel and unforgivable. They had lost friends and family, and a love, as well.

Finally, though, one of them decided to come comfort her. She heard the pony's hoofsteps, metal clanging on cobblestones, and curled herself up at the foot of the statue she clung to. Viciously, she screwed her eyes shut tight, willing whoever that pony was away, but her wishes went in vain and the hoofsteps stopped next to her.

A resigned sigh came from the pony, long and ethereal, cold air blowing briefly over Celestia's back. The sound of hooves scuffling on the cobblestones came to her ears, and then suddenly the pony was sitting next to her, leaning up against her side. Celestia tried to squirm away, but the pony draped a wing over her body, pulling her close and holding her in place.

"Shh, you'll be okay," said the pony, voice echoing. A hoof stroked hesitantly at Celestia's mane, then the pony removed their hoof and began to hum instead.

Celestia found the tune to be oddly relaxing. It was an old lullaby, she realized after a moment. It was so old she marveled at the fact that anypony remembered it; she had sung it to Luna when they had been very young.

After a short while the humming faded away, as the pony noticed Celestia's crown lying upon the cobblestones.

"Well, we can't have that," the pony murmured, using their bluish-green magic to pluck the crown from its resting place. Giving it a few shakes to clear the dust and dirt from its golden surface, they moved the crown behind Celestia's horn, gently nestling it back into its rightful spot in the monarch's hair.

Something was wrong here. The clues had finally penetrated Celestia's gloom; she knew who the pony laying next to her was, but her mind was trying to reject the evidence. It was important, though, and so reluctantly she forced her eyes open.

Cobblestones were the first thing she saw, blurry in her tired eyes. She blinked a few times, getting her vision back, then turned, head still drooping down, to look at the pony next to her. When she did, her field of view—filled by that pony's body due to their proximity—went midnight black. Slowly she raised her head, and met the gaze of a pair of teal eyes with dagger-slit pupils.

“Don't you worry about a thing,” said Nightmare Moon, pointed teeth on full view as she smiled widely. “Why, with me here to help, nothing in Equestria can stop us from saving them all.”

PRINCESS CELESTIA WILL RETURN

Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon Team Up to Save Everyone

Author's Note

~~Fun Fact:~~

The original ending + the epilogue, combined into one.

So, this ending was supposed to be funnier than it ended up being. The original thought had been for the story to take a sudden dramatic turn at the end, then turn all that on its head with the introduction of Nightmare Moon promising to help Celestia.

I think the problem was that it was funny to me, on the inside, knowing that this is just the start of a bigger adventure. Obviously, people disagreed with that. And I made it worse, because as I wrote I kept making it, well, worse. To me, it was funny that it was sad, and so I kept making it sadder and sadder, and, well, it ended up like this.

Another problem is that in pursuit of that sadness, I wrote everything completely out of character. Celestia wouldn't react like that to them being turned to stone; there's no reason she should be acting like everyone she loves is dead. They're just turned to stone. As I've said in a few other places, she should be well aware that they'll be fine. Discord's been turned to stone twice, Celestia herself has done it, along with Luna, in the comics. And Twilight did it in like episode 10, with the cockatrice. So Celestia should be, at most, mildly perturbed.

In any case, I rewrote the ending part of the chapter. But, for posterity, here is the original version.

Bonus: Original Chapter Four - "Discussion"

Author's Note

This is the original version of Chapter Four, in which Luna and Celestia, in the second dream sequence within 7k words, have an imaginary battle over Twilight.

Obviously it was scrapped for something more meaningful and interesting, but its still a pretty cool fight so I felt it deserved a place as a 'deleted scene'.

Any typos or things that just plain don't make sense are left as is.

Enjoy.

Bonus: Original Chapter Four - "Discussion"

“TWILIGHT! LUNA!” she bellowed, entering the castle's main hall at full speed. “YOU–”

She stopped in place instantly, the crystal under her feet momentarily igniting from the friction, as she realized both Princesses were right there, just starting to climb the main staircase.

“Oh.”

“Princess Celestia! You made it after all!” came Twilight's happy response. “Luna told me you couldn't be here for this visit.”

“That's because she told me she couldn't.” Luna's response was less welcoming, and Twilight pulled back as the Night Princess brushed past her to stand in front of Celestia. “In fact, she made it very clear that she had no interest whatsoever.”

Celestia's eyes narrowed. “Maybe I just needed to think about what it would mean not to be here. Maybe I needed a bit more time that just a few minutes to think it over.”

The two began circling each other warily, eyes locked together.

“You have no right, you know,” said Luna, almost casually. “To get my hopes up like that, after everything you said, and then just change your mind?”

“Um...”

“This, coming from the mare who practically insisted I do this?” Celestia moved lithely as she circled, hoofs lifting high, muscles tensed. “All of this is your doing, sister. Had you kept quiet, I wouldn't even be here.”

“UM.”

Twilight was sounding nearly frantic now. Taking a deep breath, Celestia let it out slowly, then turned to face the smaller alicorn, deliberately showing her back to her sister.

“Twilight?” she said pleasantly, “Please go let the townsfolk know that they should evacuate Ponyville at once.”

“What?!” cried Twilight, ears folding back. “Why?!”

“Because this.”

Like lightning, Celestia's back legs folded up and she bucked Luna square in the face, sending her flying through the doors to the palace.

“Oh, and you may want to leave through another exit.”

Luna burst back in through the wall next to the doors, showering the room with crystal debris. Celestia flinched back as shards pelted her face, which let Luna catch her under the jaw with her hoof. But Celestia brought her hind legs up as she somersaulted back, wrapping them around Luna's midsection, and the two Princesses went tumbling across the floor as Twilight fled.

It had been centuries since they had last fought, and Celestia had forgotten the power her sister's small frame packed. She was reminded when Luna ended up on top as they came to a rest and landed several punches that pounded her skull into the floor, cracking and then shattering the crystal.

With that power, though, came a tendency to rely on it over all else. Specifically, Luna always forgot that they had wings. Celestia reminded her by bringing her own wings up and striking Luna on the sides of the neck with their leading edges. She let out a cry and fell back, letting Celestia climb to her hooves.

She kept Luna on the defensive with a flurry of wings strikes faster than the mortal eye could follow, then suddenly raised both wings straight up. Luna moved instantly to block the attack, but Celestia simply brought the wings down as she leapt up, the force of her jump vastly amplified by the wing flap, and all that energy was transferred into the kick she delivered to the underside of Luna's chin.

Luna hit the main staircase at the halfway point, sliding the rest of the way on her back, plowing up the stairs themselves as she went. Celestia didn't give her time to recover, striking her with a flying tackle, pinning her sister's limbs with her own as they somersaulted forward through a pair of doors and into the castle library.

Celestia kept control as they tumbled, and hurled Luna towards the opposite wall as she came around. Just before striking the wall Luna jerked to a halt, held in midair by her own magic.

“Really, sister, magic?” scoffed Celestia. “I'm disappointed. I didn't know you'd lost so much confidence in–”

Celestia cut off as the pages from every book in the library suddenly burst from the shelves wrapped in blue light, surrounding her like a blizzard. Before she could react the ball of paper was ignited by Luna, with an effect not unlike a fuel-air explosion.

Calmly, Celestia strode out of the fire, shaking her head. “So disappointed. I am THE SUN. Fire could never be more to me than–”

The air suddenly burst from her lungs as Luna firmly planted a hoof in her stomach.

“No more than a distraction, yes, sister?” Luna snarled triumphantly. “Perhaps you'd like for me to spell the word as well?”

Her wings rose, in imitation of Celestia's strike from before, and magic suddenly enveloped her body as well.

Oh no was all Celestia had time to think before suddenly finding herself five floors above where she had just been standing, stumbling dazedly around what seemed to be... yes, another library. Well, it is Twilight's castle, she thought, shaking her head in an attempt to clear it as Luna leapt up through the hole in the floor Celestia's flying body had just made.

“Yield, sister–” was all Luna had time to say before Celestia spun and hit her with the full might of her magic.

It took a second for the flare of light to fade and reveal Luna was still standing there, her own magical beam holding Celestia's at bay.

“This isn't... like before!” Luna managed to force out. “I'm not a filly anymore, and my magic is as strong as yours!”

“You really think so?” Celestia redoubled her efforts, the surge of power nearly sending Luna to her knees. But she climbed back up, forcing her magic out until the point of contact between the two beams was once again in the middle.

“I'm not giving up that easy!”

“I won't let you take her from me!”

Ponyville was silent, the majority of its citizens safely removed by Twilight. Those that were left suddenly became aware of a faint sound, just on the edge of hearing.

It started out low, barely a hum. That hum grew, into a high keening that started to pulse as if it were a heart beating. Light began to pour from every window in Twilight’s castle, and the ground began to quake. Then the castle exploded in a massive fireball, pelting all of Ponyville with flaming shards of crystal.

Out of the ruins shot the Princesses of the Sun and Moon, locked together with their magic, spinning and rising higher and higher, occasionally coming together to strike at each other with vicious sparks of power.

Far above Equestria, outside the atmosphere, the two clashed once more, an unimaginable amount of power crackling off their bodies, before separating to float a safe distance apart, panting.

“I'll be honest,” said Luna, eyes narrow, “I really thought I'd finally had you after all these years. It is good to know I can at least hold my own.”

“And I will admit to being impressed,” replied Celestia, face twisted in a mocking grin. “But you should have known better than to let me lead you up here!”

Luna's eyes widened, and she dove to the side as a massive column of fire shot past.

“Don't you just love solar flares?!” cackled Celestia wildly.

“Ha! We laugh at thee!” Luna dodged and danced amidst the fire, a grin on her face. “These flares are far to slow to come near us, even if they didn't have to travel here from your sun! We have minutes in which to avoid each one!”

“Perhaps, perhaps,” agreed Celestia, nodding. “Unless, of course, I've had thousands of years of experience, and can manipulate events so that they transpire exactly according to my wishes.”

One flare, so small as to be nearly invisible, and moving much faster than the others, suddenly struck Luna. With a cry, she was blasted off to one side–directly into the path of a larger flare. She bounced between them, one always arriving just where she had been thrown in a perfectly calculated pattern, until finally they died down.

“Had enough, dear sister?” Celestia pouted sarcastically at the smoking, shaking Luna hanging in space.

“Do you really think... you're the only one who can set things up... to your advantage?” panted Luna. “Imagine what someone else could do if they're willing to take some pain to keep you off guard.”

With a jolt, Celestia realized Luna's horn had been glowing the entire time, but she just shrugged and laughed.

“Oh please. What kind of spell could you possibly–”

The moon hit her in the back.

Celestia floated, hardly conscious, knocked into orbit. Images came slowly to her mind as she circled the planet.

Her sister and Twilight, happy in each other's wings.

Watching them spend their lives together, feeling only the pain of loss in her own heart.

An eternity apart from the one she loved with all her might, and yet forced to see her with another, even if she loved that one as dearly.

Another pang struck her heart at the thought of preventing her sister from finding that love, but brutally she tore those thoughts apart. Her sister had only decided to act on her feelings after Celestia had rejected Twilight. Luna had been the one pushing Celestia to admit these feelings in the first place. What her sister had was not love; it was a simple infatuation, a whim.

But Celestia... Celestia had watched Twilight grow into the wonderful, beautiful Princess she was now. Celestia had been with her all these years, admiring her from afar, carrying that torch for her, unknowingly pining for her.

Twilight. Was. Hers.

Besides, another part of her, deep inside, snarled viciously, I deserve something in my life other than just ruling over Equestria.

Celestia opened her eyes, and the heart of the sun blazed inside them.

Luna caught sight of the trail of fire coming up over the distant horizon, and grinned widely.

“Back for more, sister?!” she cried, horn blazing with power. “Then come get thou some!”

The moon swung down, descending towards the plasma-enveloped Princess of the Sun at a terrifying rate. She didn't flinch, didn't try to dodge–just increased her own speed, a snarl on her face and one hoof stretched out before her. The gap between the Princess and the moon closed mercilessly, Celestia not altering her course one iota, and the two met.

Celestia's hoof struck the surface of the moon, and for a moment both hung in space, unmoving. The smile stayed on Luna's face right until the first crack began racing across the lunar surface. More and more followed it, snaking out from the point of impact, and then the moon broke in half.

“LUNAAAA!” screamed Celestia, careening through the shattered moon towards the gaping, stunned Princess.

Celestia didn't bother dodging the chunks of moon that spun into her path, plowing through them as though they were clouds. She spun as she flew, using that momentum to add to her power as she brought both back hoofs down on top of Luna's head.

The Princess of the now-former Moon ignited as she plummeted downwards and reentered the atmosphere, finally impacting the ground with enough force to create a crater a quarter mile wide.

For a moment the battle looked to be over. Then Luna coughed, sitting up weakly and brushing soot from her coat. She looked up, preparing to take off and continue the fight, then froze.

Celestia stood upright in the air several miles above, a ball of fire so large it seemed to rival her sister's deceased moon held in her hoofs. Even as Luna watched, more and more magic pumped out of Celestia's horn, inflating the fireball to an enormous size.

“Wait sister, I yield–” Luna tried to say desperately, raising a hoof.

“Twilight is MINE!” Celestia screamed out over her sister's protestations, and brought the ball down.

Luna let out a cry and tried to protect herself with a magical shield, but it was snuffed out like a candle. The fireball struck the Princess, driving her deep underground with its unimaginable heat before detonating and shattering her–and the world–like glass.

“Okay Spike, I'll be right up. I just need to check that the doors are locked before–oh. You two are still here.”

Twilight sighed as she took in the Princesses. She had thought they were coming over to visit her. She had been giddy at the thought of spending the night with two of her closest friends, whom she didn't see anywhere near enough of. Instead, they had spent the night in her entrance hall, eyes locked, horns connected by thin tendrils of magic.

Before she could make further comment, the threads suddenly snapped and disappeared in a shower of sparks. Luna stumbled back, shaking her head, nearly falling over. Celestia blinked a few times, then grinned triumphantly.

“Princess? What were you and Luna doing all night?” asked Twilight curiously. “I've never seen a spell like that before.”

“It's a special spell we cast sometimes,” answered Celestia. “I'll have to teach it to you. We use it to... well, think of it as a form of debate. But one more emotional than logical.”

“Oh. Um, is Luna going to be okay?”

She certainly didn't look like it, now lying on the ground, both hoofs on top of her head and her ears flat. “Oww, I've got such a headache,” she whimpered.

Suddenly, a golden glow enveloped her head and drove away the pain, and she perked up, blinking rapidly. Looking up, she saw Celestia standing over her, a smile on her face and hoof held out. Graciously, Luna let her sister help her to her hooves.

“Thank you,” said Luna, then sighed. “It seems I have once again underestimated your ferocious willpower. Congratulations, sister.”

“Thank you,” replied Celestia, leaning down for a quick nuzzle with her sister. “For forcing me to recognize my own blindness and folly, and for being so gracious in defeat.”

“Think nothing of it. While I had my interests, they were clearly no match for your passion. Although...” The look Luna turned on Twilight was so intense that the small alicorn blushed without quite knowing why. “I will admit to being a bit... disappointed.”

With a sigh, she moved towards the door. “In any case, it is late and I have much to do this night. I shall see you both some other time.”

“Goodbye, sister,” said Celestia, walking with her as she exited. “And again, thank you.”

“Just do one thing for me,” said Luna, turning to give her sister one of the dirtiest, most lustful winks Celestia had ever seen. “Give her hell.”

The Lunar Princess leapt up and into the sky, and disappeared a moment later.

“Excuse me, Princess, but what exactly is going on here?” asked a confused Twilight as Celestia walked back across the hall. “I mean, you two show up out of nowhere, then spend the whole night just staring at each other. Then once you actually start moving again, Luna leaves, just like that? What is going on here?”

Celestia had to smother a giggle at her student's reaction. She was so adorable. “I'm sorry, Twilight. This night was sort of spur-of-the-moment. But don't worry, I'll be staying. I have no plans to leave until morning.”

“Okay! It would have been nice to have Luna here too, but I always like to spend time with you.”

Celestia felt her cheeks heat up at the compliment. “Thank you, Twilight I enjoy spending time with you as well.”

They stood there, smiling at each other across the hall, until Twilight began to grow restless. “Um, Princess–”

“Oh my!” Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, and gave her head a shake, trying to clear it. “I-I'm sorry, my mind must be wandering. Do you want to, um, talk about... something?”

“Sure!”

Once again, silence reigned in the crystalline hall.

“Um–”

“Oh! I suppose I should, um, bring up something to talk about, yes? Since it was me who suggested it and all, hahaha!” Celestia's eyes began to dart around the room, searching frantically for a topic. “So you sure have a, um, nice castle here? Very... pretty.”

Like you, part of her desperately wanted to add.

“Yes, I'm really starting to appreciate it,” said Twilight, motioning for the Princess to follow her as she started up the stairs. “I still miss the library, but I'm sure I'll make some good memories here as well.”

Celestia didn't reply, her gaze fixed firmly on Twilight’s rear. It wasn't that she hadn't seen it before; it was just that she was finally able to see it fully, for the first time, with all the implications and consequences it held.

“Um, hello, Equestria to Princess Celestia?” Twilight waved a hoof down at the monarch, looking back over her shoulder. “Are you alright? You're looking a bit flushed.”

Celestia suddenly jerked back to reality, face red and feeling like it was burning hotter than her sun. “Ah! Twilight! I, uh, I just, uh... Ineedtodosomethingbye!” With a flash of light, she was gone.

Twilight stared down at the spot where her Princess had been, mouth agape. Finally, she just shook her head and started back up the stairs. “That was weird. Is it a full moon out tonight or something? Well, that would explain Luna, but not Celestia. I should check the scopes, see if they've picked up any sunspots lately...”

Celestia appeared back in her bedroom, then, with a sigh, collapsed down on her bed. “I am a coward,” she said, to no one in particular.

“And a fool, and perhaps a bit too fond of cake, and many other things,” came a voice from behind her. She jerked around, the relaxed as she realized her sister was on her room's balcony.

“Luna? What are you...?”

“I was waiting for the foolish, cowardly pony,” replied Luna, trotting into the room and alongside the bed. “I teleported right here. I figured if you didn't arrive within ten minutes or so, I'd be good to leave you.”

“I couldn't do it,” said Celestia, head flopping back down. “I just... she was right there in front of me, and all my nerve just evaporated.”

“It's okay, dear sister. It's been many centuries since you last attempted a relationship, after all. Well, aside from one with that thing I found in the bottom drawer of your dresser–”

“LUNA!”

“But have no fear! We shall give you all the assistance you require in making Twilight Sparkle your own! The letter has been sent, and on the morrow your education in the ways of romance shall begin. We will not rest until you have become a siege engine of seduction, aimed squarely at your love!”

“Luna, what do you mean by 'the letter'–wait, that wasn't the Royal We, was it? Oh Goddess, who did you call?” Celestia tried to get up, but suddenly found herself being pushed back down and maneuvered onto the pillows by her sister.

“Shh, Celestia, rest,” said Luna, horn glowing faintly. “You have had a busy day, and you will need your strength for tomorrow.”

Twilight grumbled as she descended the steps.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm coming,” she snarled as the knocking at the door boomed throughout her castle once again. “What do you–Princess Celestia?!”

“Hello, Twilight,” said the Monarch of the Sun, smiling and tilting her head slightly. “How are you doing this night?”

“Uh, fine, Princess. But what are you doing here?”

“Why, do I need a reason to visit my most faithful student?”

The mild admonishment made Twilight flush and look away. “N-no, of course not. But... you just left, and now you're back a few minutes later.”

For a moment there was a expression of utter panic on the older alicorn's face, but it disappeared quickly. “I thought I had to go but, as it turns out, I do not. I would much rather be here with you than do... whatever it was I was going to do instead.”

“Well, I'm happy to hear that, I guess. I really had been looking forward to spending more time with you.”

“And I with you.” Celestia sat back, spreading her wings and extending her forelegs. There was no need to say anything, and Twilight moved eagerly forward to hug her Princess.

“I'm really glad to see you,” she said quietly, nuzzling up against Celestia's chest as the alabaster alicorn's forelegs and wings embraced her.

“Me too, Twilight,” said Celestia, eyes flashing green for a moment as she looked down at the smaller Princess.

“Me too.”

Chapter One: Revelation

Celestia's desk was massive, seeming to fill her entire office despite the room itself being equally enormous. ‘Domineering’ was another word that was often applied to the desk, typically by students that had been called in to stand before it. Coincidentally, that was also the word Celestia herself would use to describe it; her entire life seemed to revolve around the desk and the mounds of never-ending paperwork that covered its surface.

Not that she was bitter; she loved Equestria, and serving as its leader was what gave her life purpose. It was just that sometimes she felt as though it also consumed her life. She never had time for the other things that were important to her. Case in point: the pony currently entering her office.

She shifted to the side, peering over the stack of papers that had engulfed her inbox so she could smile gently at Twilight Sparkle as her fellow Princess trotted excitedly into the room.

Aside from her sister, nopony in all of Equestria meant more to her than her most faithful student. She had freed Luna from the prison of her own darkness, saved Equestria (and Celestia and Luna themselves) more times than most ponies could count, and was always a big help whenever Discord caused an international incident, which was every other week or so.

It was only recently that Celestia had come to realize how deeply she felt about Twilight, but she suspected that love had been brewing in her heart for some time—perhaps even as far back as the day Nightmare Moon had been defeated. Running a kingdom was not an easy task, though, and she had been unable to find time to follow her feelings. Her responsibilities had always come first.

Today, though… she had finally found the courage to let her feelings be known, and by fortuitous coincidence this was the same day Twilight had written to let Celestia know she wished to talk. She'd found the perfect gift to give Twilight as well, to express her feelings. She glanced to the side, at the book that was just barely visible through the cracked-open drawer next to her.

"Princess, I have such exciting news!" cried Twilight, dancing in place.

Celestia smiled indulgently, leaning forward and leaning her chin on her crossed hooves. "Yes, you said so in your letter. What was so important you could only tell me in person?"

"Well, it's just… it's just I just met the most amazing pony and IthinkI'minlove!"

Celestia listened kindly, saying all the right things and asking all the right questions as Twilight gushed about her new love, and her world slowly collapsed.

Reaching out with one hoof, she gently pushed the desk door closed.

"Sister, please, come out of your room," pleaded Luna.

"No!" came the muffled response through the door. "I shall live out the rest of the days from my bed, never again seeing another pony."

"You have a kingdom to help run," pointed out Luna. "Do you truly think you can do that from your bedroom?"

"Have my advisors slip papers under my door. I can sign them and push them back out."

"What will you eat, then?" asked Luna, trying to change tactics. "I don't think we could push a cake under the door."

There was a long moment of silence, and just when Luna thought she had gotten through to her sister there was a reply.

"I shall accept the door being opened enough to allow cake inside. Or perhaps cake-flavored ice cream. I have lost my one true love; gorging on ice cream is traditional and mandatory."

"Celestia…" Luna put a hoof to her head, groaning. "For one thing, though it may be morbid, Twilight is not lost to you forever. She has fallen in love with a mortal; she will be single again one day. And second, there is no such thing as cake-flavored ice cream."

There was another moment of silence.

"Luna, gather the kingdom's food scientists and have them thrown in the dungeon for treason, due to not having anticipated the need for cake-flavored ice cream. Then send the dungeon key to the moon."

"Sister, for the last time, my moon is not where you store stuff you simply don't want to have around. I will admit that tactic worked well in dealing with my… little incident, but that doesn't mean you can use it to solve all your problems!"

"I'm sorry, sister, you're right," replied Celestia through the bedroom door. "Moon banishment is far too serious a thing to use on mere trifles such as disposing of a key."

"Thank you for understanding—"

"Instead, find the pony who has stolen my Twilight and send them to the moon."

"If you're not going to deal with this like a grown mare, than I shall no longer speak with you," declared Luna, marching away.

And thus began what became known as 'The Year of the Mopey Sun'.

Celestia eventually emerged from her bedroom, but it was clear she was not her usual cheery self, a bright shining light that inspired all her subjects. Still, though she was inconsolable, she bravely carried on, not letting her broken heart keep her from her responsibilities. Her subjects did their best to cheer her up, and while their efforts had little effect, she appreciated their concern.

Great symphonies were performed, plays and epics written, poems composed, all in her honor, all to amuse and distract their Princess from whatever unknown malaise affected her mind. Though the ponies did not know the exact reason for Celestia's mood, they still did their best for her, as she had always done for them.

Even the food scientists, after being released from the dungeons, did their best to serve the Princess. They toiled mightily for many days and nights, doing things with food that no mortal pony had ever considered. Finally, at the end of their trials, they had produced a cake-flavored ice cream, and while it was terrible and the food scientists were ultimately banished to the moon, their efforts had made sure that someday Celestia would consider forgiving them.

Only her sister didn't seem to truly understand her pain, regarding Celestia's journal of heartbreak with skepticism, and openly mocking her when she tried to dye her hair black in order to fully express the depths of her loss. Celestia forgave her, though, because she was a kind, goodhearted pony and the best Princess, and she understood that Luna could be impatient and often lacked empathy.

Just when it seemed Celestia had come through her time of darkness and emerged a better pony, tragedy struck. Twilight's lover betrayed her, just as Celestia had known they would. Their entire relationship had been a lie, a mere ploy for political power, and once that pony had what they wanted they had discarded Twilight like so much as dead weight.

Celestia rushed to Twilight's castle as soon as she heard the news, wanting to comfort her friend and love. But when she opened the doors, she found only an empty castle, bereft of any other ponies.

The Royal Guard was mobilized, and all across Equestria ponies looked for their wayward Princess. No sign of her was found, though, and Celestia became nearly frantic with worry. She spent every night hoping and praying Twilight would return… until the day she did.

Something was wrong.

Celestia looked up from her desk as she felt it. Normally these days she left lowering the sun and raising the moon to her sister, while she herself did the opposite, but today the sun wasn't setting.

She moved to a window and looked out; there, on the horizon, sat the sun. She tried to lower it, but it stubbornly refused her attention, leaving the world cloaked in... twilight.

The doors to her office crashed open the merest second before she passed through them, her wings folding closed and then springing open again to push her forward through the air.

She flew by instinct, drawn to her own throne room by some premonition, some sixth-sense. Luna felt it too; as Celestia made a turn in the corridor, one wing tip scraping at the floor, she found herself flying just ahead and to the side of her sister. She took a glance back at Luna, who gave a tight-lipped nod as their eyes met.

Wings flaring wide, the Princesses came to a halt in front of the doors to their throne room, floating softly to the ground. Throwing the doors open, they trotted forward a few steps and then stopped, staring in shock.

An alicorn stood at one of the windows by the throne, staring out at the dimly-lit land. She was as tall as Luna, her coat a deep purple, her horn long and pointed. Her mane flowed down across her back, fluttering gently in some invisible breeze. It was a deep navy blue, dotted with stars that glittered dimly. The only other color came from a bright stripe of purple and magenta that slowly drifted up and down across the mane's length.

Even as she took in the scene, Celestia refused to believe it, rejecting everything before her. At least, she did until the alicorn turned to meet their gazes with her own serpentine eyes, and then she could deny the truth no longer.

"Hello, 'Princesses'," snarled Nightmare Sparkle, slowly ascending the steps to the thrones. "What do you think of my new kingdom? Do you like what I've done with it?"

Celestia, frozen in horror at what had become of her love, had no reply, but Luna strode forward irately.

"Twilight Sparkle!" she bellowed, stopping a dozen feet before the steps leading to the thrones. "What is the meaning of this?! Thou knowest that Equestria is not meant to be ruled by a single Princess! Did thou learn nothing from our own experience?"

"Oh, I learned, Luna. Trust me. That's one thing I've always been good at, at least." Wings still held firmly at her side, she began to lift off from the dais, dark magic swirling about her body. "And that's why I made sure not to return until I could deal with all of you!"

She fired a beam of energy from her horn, thick and black, straight at the other Princess. Luna managed to get a shield up around herself, but only barely. And in the end, it didn't matter; the bolt hit the shield, which bowed for a moment, then melted, and Luna was enveloped by the beam of energy.

When the dust and light faded away, Luna still stood there, but as a stone statue.

Celestia stared at the statue of her sister for a moment, shock and dismay on her face, then trotted forward determinedly to stand at the bottom of the dais Twilight floated above.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my old teacher. Looks like I've learned some new tricks, doesn't it?" sneered the Nightmare Princess. "I'll tell you what, I can turn you to stone too, and keep the both of you in my garden. At least you and your sister can be together that way."

"Twilight… Twilight, why? Why do all of this? What reason could you possibly have?" pleaded Celestia.

"You know exactly why," growled Twilight in a low voice, eyes narrowed. "They used me, made me just a means to an end. They never loved me. No one did, and no one ever will. And so, none shall feel the light of the moon or sun, or any love at all!"

"But that's not true, Twilight," Celestia said softly, moving one hoof up to the first step of the dais. "I love you. I always have, and I always will."

"You… you what?" Twilight blinked, her normal eyes fading back into existence as she floated back down to the dais. "But… but you can't."

“I do, Twilight. I've loved you for years. I never said a thing, but whenever you were around I never stopped watching you, never wanted to let you out of my sight. It crushed me when you said you loved another, but I kept going, for you, and did my best to be happy for you. And it broke my heart when you ran away after your own heart was broken, rather than letting me comfort you. Rather than... letting me love you.”

"But… but after everything I've done… after what I did to get this power, what I just did to your sister… no, no, you can't! No!"

Twilight threw her head back in a scream, and the dark power swirled off her body, forming into a cloud that twisted above her. Then that power crashed back down, turning Twilight into a stone statue just like Luna. After a moment, the statue began to crack and crumble, falling to pieces.

"NO!" cried Celestia, dashing up the stairs. She ran as fast as she could, faster than she had in centuries, but no matter how quickly she moved she felt like she was stuck in molasses, and there were always more stairs before her. By the time she made it to the top, all that was left of Twilight was a pile of dust and stone shards.

“No...” she moaned, falling down and beginning to weep softly. “Please, no. Come back to me, my love. Please...”

Her sobbing was interrupted by a laugh from above. Looking up sharply, she spotted Luna, standing upon the ceiling.

“My, my, my,” the Night Princess said, eyes flashing as she looked down—or up, depending on your perspective—at her older sister. “Now this is an interesting development.”

As Celestia watched, mouth hanging open, Luna pushed off from the ceiling. Tumbling lazily, she drifted down, landing lightly next to the statue of herself.

"Is this really how you see me?" she asked critically, inspecting the statue as she circled it. "My nose is not that big."

"What, but you're…" Celestia closed her eyes momentarily, shaking her head.

As she did, Luna rolled her eyes and sighed. "And now the statue is gone…" she said, casting a glance to the empty spot next to her for confirmation, "because when confronted with a contradiction the easiest solution is to make the least favorable option be the one to disappear."

She laughed, beginning to trot idly around the room, inspecting the architecture. "It's been a long time since I've come to see you like this, but it's always fascinating how much of a pony's personality I can learn about during these visits. For example, all the frescoes in our throne room that you don't like? Completely gone here! Oh, and that bit where you were sad that Twilight was in love with somepony else, and all of Equestria tried to cheer you up because you're so self-sacrificing and nice and perfect? I always knew you liked to play the victim, but that was a bit much even for you."

Luna chuckled as Celestia looked on in confusion and anger. She opened her mouth to reply, but before she could berate her sister for treating her grief as some kind of joke, she woke up.

Groaning, Celestia fought her way up and out of her quicksand-like bed and pillows. Sitting upright, she checked the time in her head, found it should be sunrise, and made it so, quickly, quietly and without fuss. Her duty rarely required any actual ceremony.

That done, she took in a deep breath, and let it out in a long sigh that made the unkempt strands of hair hanging from her head ruffle with a breeze that had nothing to do with their normal ethereal waver.

“I guess that's it, then,” she said into the silence of her royal bedroom. “I... I am in love with Twilight.”

That thought took a back seat as another realization about her recent dream hit her, and her eyes widened.

“Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!” she yelled, springing from her bed with such force that, had she not years ago invested in a frame reinforced with titanium for just such occasions, it would have collapsed.

She telekinetically ripped her regalia from the ponnequin where it spent the nights, took a precious second to consider trying to put it on, and near-instantly rejected that idea. Every moment counted right now.

Flipping a mental coin, she galloped to the balcony and flung herself off into the air.

The barest fraction of a second later, the doors burst open and Luna trotted in, face full of all the mischievous teasing she had planned. Finding the room empty only put the tiniest moue of disappointment on that face before it recovered, and she turned around and raced back out.

Author's Note

And we're off!

I'll do my best to provide a fun fact for each chapter at the end, either my thoughts about part of the story, alternate versions I went through, or just fun behind the scenes stuff. Here's yours for this chapter...

Fun fact:

I originally conceived of Celestia in this fic as being extremely foulmouthed, at least while in private. That ended up not really fitting too well into the story so I dropped it, but I did keep the 'crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!' here at the end. It at least seemed appropriate.

**Edit 8/18/2016**
Most of this chapter was rewritten, on advice from the EQD submission reviewer.