Hardcore Shipper

by CrazyRandomPony

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Fluttershy, Random, Shining Armor, Discord, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance
Length: 1270

A conversation goes awry, and fellow hardcore shipper, Princess Cadence, says something she REALLY shouldn't had.

Cadence was a very hardcore shipper.
What? Wasn't it obvious?
Being the Princess of Love, it shouldn't be that big of a surprise.
However, as many know, being a hardcore shipper had it's downsides.
Especially when you utter a few words at the wrong time, wrong place, and wrong......
Just wrong EVERYTHING!

(Rated Teen for CURSING, SO MUCH CURSING, and adult humor)

Published 2016-04-09 07:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-09 07:00:01 UTC

JUST SHUT UP AND KISS ALREADY!

Princess Cadence could already tell that this was going to be a... very.... long.... dinner party.

"DISCORD STOP IT!!!"

"MAKE ME FLUTTERSHY!!"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS??"

"BECAUSE I CAN, SILLY!!"

Cadence's eye twitched, her head moving back and forth as she looked at each individual in the argument. The rest at the table had been doing the same, their eyes flicking to Fluttershy, then to Discord, then back to Fluttershy as each one screamed some words that most likely meant nothing at all. Discord was using his chaos to make the silverware dance, and they had all enjoyed it at first. But once Shining had asked if he could stop so they could eat, then it became a problem. Suddenly, faster then you could say "Boogieing forks" the pegasus mare and the draconequus had both started to shriek at each other, over the smallest things.

"I ASKED YOU TO STOP MESSING WITH ANGEL BUNNY, BUT NO! YOU CAN'T JUST STOP TORMENTING PONIES AND ANIMALS FOR TWO SECONDS CAN YOU??"

"OH SHUT UP! LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME! YOU'RE JUST A WIMPY PEGASUS!!"

"I UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER THAN ANYPONY ELSE AT THIS TABLE MISTER!"

"YEAH RIGHT! I MADE SOME UTENSILS 'GET DOWN AND FUNKY' AND NOW MY MAGIC IS SUDDENLY A BIG DEAL!"

"HE ASKED YOU POLITELY TO STOP YOU BRUTE!!!"

The five other elements of harmony all awkwardly watched them, some poking at their food and others taking small sips of their wine.

Cadence grew impatient and annoyed as the conversation went on, slowly growing more and more insane as she began trembling. She could sense it from the both of them. Both of them were in some deep denial. And when Princess Mi Amore Cadenza says deep, she means that they were drowning in it. The endless sea of kicking limbs, panicked faces, scraping for survival. She absolutely adored them as a couple. After all, she was a hardcore shipper, and any hardcore shipper could tell that they were hopeless for each other. It drove the Princess to the end of her.

She knew her husband was staring at her, obvious concern and fear beginning to enlighten itself upon his face. She didn't care however, getting so, VERY anxious. She stared down at her plate, her mind gnawing at her very bones. She could feel the blood vessels in her head start to throb, and she knew that couldn't have been healthy.

"OH SO NOW I'M THE BRUTE???"

"YES YOU ARE, YOU BRUTE!!!"

Rarity kept drinking from her wine glass, not realizing that she had emptied it two minutes earlier.

"YOU'RE THE BRUTE IN THIS CONVERSATION!!!"

"NO! YOU ARE!"

Applejack slammed her head against the table, whilst Rainbow Dash slowly sank down underneath it.

"BRUTE!!!"

"BRUTE!!!!!!!"

Twilight twiddled her hooves nervously, clapping them together every so often. It made a little tink every time it did, not that it could be heard over the shouts.

"SPINELESS BRUTE!!"

"BRUTE WITH NO SPINE!!"

"GASP!"

Pinkie stared strait forward into space, a solemn, and quite terrifying look upon her features.

"YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT!"

"OH I SOOOO DID!"

"WELL..... YOU'RE A.... A..... A POTATO!!!!"

All the while Shining Armor continued to stare at Cadence, reading her mind like a book. Cadence heaved in short, static breaths and continued to stare at her plate, slowly starting to mumble inaudible things.

"A POTATO??"

"YEAH!!!"

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK OF YOU DISCORD???"

She could hear it.

"WHAT IS THAT??"

Her heart fall to her stomach.

"I THINK YOU ARE A-"

Princess Cadence, slammed her hooves against the table loudly, causing her plate to tumble to the ground and crash, and her wine glass to fall over.

"HOLY MOTHER FUCKING SHIT JUST KISS ALREADY!!!!!" The, quite dignified, Princess screamed, not able to hold it in any longer.

Everyone, including the two that had been previously arguing, had went completely silent, staring in shock at the pissed off alicorn.

Fluttershy's entire face was bright red, from the apples of her cheeks to the tips of her ears. She was the first to speak.

"Wh-..... WH-WH-WH-WHAT?!?!?!"

Discord, clearly trying to hide it, but not doing a very good job, was blushing as well. He followed Fluttershy's example in talking.

"WHAT THE H-HELL CADENCE?!?!?"

Shining Armor immediately shot up from his chair, and began to push five out of six of the element bearers to the exit.

"OKAY! Time to go!!" Shining sing-songed, looking as if he just saw a demon (which he kinda had). Once the ponies realized what was happening, they all quickly agreed with the stallion, and allowed their hooves to function and rush them out the door. All except Pinkie Pie, who uttered an "Awww no fair!" before being shoved out of the room.

The silverware had finally ceased their dancing, seeming that the draconequus wasn't focusing on his chaos right now. Cadence growled in agony, her mane messy and out of place. She clenched her teeth as she looked at the two.

"YOU HEARD ME!!" She screamed.

Fluttershy squeaked a bit, shaking with embarrassment as Discord continued to argue.

"I would do n-nothing of the sort! I would never-"

"YES YOU WOULD YOU LITTLE SHIT FACED LIAR!!!!"

That shut him up completely, his previous look of determination completely askew from his face.

"YOU ARE ALL FUCKING IDIOTS IF YOU THINK I CAN'T SEE IT!!! THE WAY YOU STARE AT EACH OTHER! THE WANT YOU TWO HAVE FOR PHYSICAL CONTACT! HOOF/CLAW/PAW/WHATEVER THE FUCK HOLDING, HUGS, MOTHER FUCKING CHIN GRABS?? DAMN YOU TWO HAVE SOME WEIRD KINKY ASS SHIT GOING ON!! AND NOW EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ARGUING THEIR'S THAT STUPID LUST SPRAWLED ON YOUR FACES! COULD YOU PLEASE JUST STOP MAKING IT SO DIFFICULT FOR EVERYPONY AROUND YOU AND REALIZE THAT YOU'RE CRAZY FOR EACH OTHER?? SWEET CELESTIA DAMN IT!!!!!"

Nopony uttered a sound.

Nopony dared.

"Ya.... Ya think everyone's alright in there?" Applejack muttered, her gaze falling onto the door they had recently departed from.

Shining Armor merely gazed over at the farm pony, his face stern and serious. "If she doesn't come out here in the next couple of minutes, we start running, alright?" He said simply, as if this were an everyday occurrence. Applejack's stomach churned, and she looked down at her hooves without another word.

"R-Rarity?"

"Yes Rainbow Dash?" Rarity replied, looking over to her multi-colored friend.

"I'm scared.." The pegasus croaked, shaking violently.

"I.... I'm scared too...."

As if on cue, the door in front of them all opened slowly, a long creak emitting from it. The Princess closed the door behind her, trotting forward and staring at the ground as if nothing just happened. Everypony stared at her, all in shock from the previous events.

"Wh-What happened??" Twilight stepped forward and asked, making Cadence stop in her tracks. You'd think that Twilight would know not to ask Cadence questions right now.

Cadence didn't look behind her. "Well. They're making out on the table." She said as-matter-of-factly.

Everyone choked on their own silence and fright, and the Princess began trotting forward again.

"Wh-Where are you going??" Twilight muttered, once again taking her chances, and Cadence finally turned to look at her sister-in-law.

"Me? I am going to go and jump off of a mother FUCKING cliff!!"

And with that, not only Cadence, but everyone in front of the door, silently walked, all hoping they could go home and sleep, and maybe bang their heads against a wall.

Author's Note

And that was fun to write at 2 in the morning! :twilightsmile: