I Always Thought They'd Be Cooler
It's Totally A Coat Of Arms
“You know,” Starlight said sadly, “I’d always thought they’d be cooler.”
Applejack looked up from her Apple Brown Betty and frowned at the unicorn. “Say what?”
“The Cutie Mark Crusaders.” Starlight pointed over to the three fillies playing in front of the barn. She and Applejack were relaxing on the front porch of the farmhouse, watching the fillies practice tap-dancing.
“What’re you on about?” Applejack demanded, putting down her snack. “If this is about them doing that fancy dancin’, well no wonder! All them fast hooves don’t make a lick a’ sense to me. It’s just something they’re doing for fun, is all.”
“Not that.” Starlight sighed again with melancholy. “I mean their Cutie Marks.”
Applejack eyed Starlight suspiciously. “Are you sure you’re well? Y’all ate that pie mighty quick. Maybe it didn’t go down right.”
“No, no.” Starlight waved a hoof at Applejack. “It was delicious.”
“Then why’re you talking about their marks?” Applejack demanded. “They found their destiny – helping other ponies with their Cutie Mark problems. Isn’t that good?”
“It is. It is, but…” Starlight searched for words. “I just thought they’d be a bit…cooler than that, really. When you think about it.”
Applejack’s brow darkened. “If you’re sayin’ my sister’s not fancy enough for you then you can give back mah pie and shove it—”
“I mean, I always thought they’d be knights,” Starlight said.
“…What?”
“Knights,” Starlight repeated. “Maybe you don’t know about them. It is ancient history, of course. They were an order of ponies that wore armor and fought for Celestia. The Order of the Round Stump or somesuch. Luna founded them back when Equestria was in disorder, before the formation of the EUP and—”
“Ah know all about that,” Applejack interrupted impatiently. “Granny Smith used to tell me stories of them all the time when ah was a filly. What in tarnation has this got to do with the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”
“Just think about it.” Starlight pointed to Apple Bloom’s cutie mark as she twirled by. “All three of the Crusaders have a shield around their own Cutie Mark. Have you ever heard of a Cutie Mark like that before?”
“Well, it ain’t uncommon.” Applejack said dismissively. “Just look at mah own Cutie Mark. It’s got apples in it. So does Big Mac’s and Granny Smith and every other Apple in the family tree!” She paused, then added darkly, “’cept for Cousin Tomato that is.”
“Yes, but that’s all variations on the same thing,” Starlight said. “Just like how all the Royal Guard have Cutie Marks related to fighting. But these Cutie Marks are nearly identical! The only thing that differentiates them is the symbol within their shield. It’s a coat of arms!”
“What’s a coat of arms?” Applejack asked suspiciously. “It looks just like a fancy shield to me.”
“It’s a mark of a knight, or it used to be,” Starlight explained. “Actually, I should say it’s more like their individual Cutie Mark that proves they’re a knight. They used to wear them on their helmets and shields when they fought, because they often covered their flanks with armor to protect them.”
“And you’re saying that the Cutie Mark Crusaders have Cutie Marks that look like a coat of arms?” Applejack asked.
“Yes,” Starlight said. “I thought it meant they’d be, well, knights. I mean, it’s even in their name. Cutie Mark Crusaders. Knights used to go on things called crusades where they fought evil together. That’s either wild coincidence or some larger part of their destiny.”
“Alright, that is sorta suspicious,” Applejack had to admit. “But don’t it seem like they’re doing that already? I mean, just look at today!” She pointed to Applebloom with pride. “My little sister helped another pony find his Cutie Mark! Ain’t that a knightly thing to do?”
Starlight hesitated. “It is, but…”
“But?” Applejack prompted.
Starlight glanced over at the Crusaders to make sure they were out of earshot. Then she leaned over to Applejack and whispered, “But it’s just so boring.”
“Boring?” Applejack whispered back in outrage. “Why’s that’s plain rude!”
“I’m just saying that they could have been real knights,” Starlight insisted. “Proper ones that went around fighting evil, not listening to ponies whine about their problems!”
“You mean, like fighting?” Applejack said incredulously. “What’s that got to do with helping other ponies with their Cutie Marks?”
“It would be stopping them from using their Cutie Marks in the wrong way,” Starlight insisted. “Just think about it! Didn’t they help a horse by the name of Trouble Shoes a while ago?”
“They did,” Applejack said reluctantly.
“He wasn’t using his Cutie Mark properly, and so he caused a ton of trouble at all the rodeos,” Starlight said. ”That’s one example of how ponies can misinterpret their destiny. And for another example, look at me!”
She pointed to her own Cutie Mark. “I used my powers to steal other pony’s Cutie Marks until you all stopped me. Well, wouldn’t it just make just as much sense if the Cutie Mark Crusaders went out and helped ponies like me that are causing trouble?”
Applejack sat back, stunned. “Well, ah,” she began. “Ah guess that makes sort of sense. Sorta. So you’re sayin’ that the Cutie Mark Crusaders might actually be knights?”
“Yes, exactly!” Starlight exclaimed. “Can’t you imagine it? Each one of the Crusaders has their own talent – Scootaloo’s the faster pony on the ground, Applebloom can brew potions and build, and Sweetie Belle can sing and use magic. All three have their own unique talents they can use to help others as a team or individually. In fact, they might not be the only ones. If more Cutie Marks appeared with the same shield background, the Cutie Mark Crusaders might actually become an order of roaming knights patrolling Equestria!”
“Ah think you’re pushing a bit there,” Applejack said, leaning back slightly in her seat. “Ah mean, part of your ideas make sense but—knights? In this day and age? Who’d they fight?”
“Dragons?” Starlight suggested. “If one was threatening a village and preventing them from following their destiny.”
“Seems like a stretch,” Applejack said.
“Then how about ponies like me, or Sombra? They’d go out to stop us like the Elements of Harmony are sent out to settle friendship disputes. If diplomacy and peace didn’t work…” she smacked a hoof on the table. “Bam! They go out and kick the horseapples out of any troublemakers!”
“Starlight, look—”
“And then if they were worthy, the Crusaders would recruit them into their ranks,” Starlight went on, oblivious. “And they’d have to have a leader of course. The first among equals.”
“Starlight, ah think you’re—”
“It could be anyone. Princess Celestia, or me even, or maybe Princess Luna, or Twilight, or me, or Mayor Mare, or me, or me and—”
“Starlight!”
Starlight Glimmer stopped and looked at Applejack. “What?”
“Ah can see you’re passionate about this idea of yours and all,” Applejack said, “but ah think you’re takin’ it a bit too far. Sure, it’d be nice to imagine all them things you were talking about, but ain’t it too far-fetched? Equestria doesn’t have many villains – except for you and a few other bad eggs now and then – and we don’t need knights. Heck, we don’t even need the Wonderbolts or the Royal Guard most of the time. Ah know you want it to be true, but ah just think the Cutie Mark Crusaders aren’t the knightly type, is all.”
Starlight Glimmer deflated visibly at Applejack’s words. “I suppose you’re right,” she sighed. “Sorry about that, Applejack. I just let my imagination carry me away.”
“Don’t mention it,” Applejack said. “I know you were only getting’ excited, and—”
“I mean, they could have been great knights, roaming Equestria and beyond the prevent the misguided and black hearted from committing evil.” Starlight said, staring off into the distance. “They would have been Equestria’s shield, the roaming knight-errants of the past. A symbol of justice, of peace, of martial and magical might. They would have ushered in an era of honor and peace, of dignity and valor. Legends might have been told of their deeds.”
She brushed a tear from her eye and turned to Applejack and sighed again deeply. “But you know what? You’re right. They’ll never be those heroes of old. Instead, they’ll go around like wandering vagrants, listening to ponies complain about their problems. Cutie Mark Counselors. It’s probably for the best.” Starlight patted Applejack on the shoulder. “They’ll be a credit to us all. Good job. You must be so proud.”
She got up and stretched. “Well, that was depressing. I’m off to eat every cake in Sugarcube Corner now. See ya.”
Applejack watched Starlight leave with mouth slightly agape.
“That mare is five cornstalks short of a harvest,” she muttered to herself.
“Really?” Granny Smith asked, poking her head out the window. “Ah sorta liked the idea.”
“Eyup.” Big Mac said from within the house.
“Yeah!”
Applejack nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw the three Cutie Mark Crusaders standing right behind her.
“It sounded awesome!” Scootaloo said excitedly. “Did you hear all those things Starlight Glimmer was saying? We could be knights!”
“Fighting dragons!” Applebloom said.
“Which is scary!” Sweetie Belle said. “But maybe fun!”
“Princess Luna was the one who made the Order of the Round Stump, right?” Scootaloo demanded. “Well, maybe she could make us a knight order too!”
“The Order of the Round Crusaders!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “Wait. That doesn’t sound right…”
“It’s a great idea!” Applebloom said. “Ah mean, all the signs are there, right? What else does a knight need to do?”
“Ah think they needed to do something valorous,” Granny Smith said thoughtfully. “All you fillies need is to prove your worth somehow.”
“Like how?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“We could fight a manticore!” Scootaloo suggested. “That’s knightly!”
“Yeah, or we could rescue a damsel in distress!” Applebloom said.
“Oh, that’s perfect!” Sweetie Belle said. “Rarity’s always in distress! Let’s go rescue her!”
“Yeah! Cutie Mark Knights away!”
Applejack watched the three Cutie Mark Crusaders dash away towards Ponyville. Half of her wanted to run after them and stop them, but the other half knew it was probably too late. Granny Smith and Big Mac went back to their chores, leaving Applejack by herself and her thoughts.
When she was quite sure no one was around, Applejack sat back on the porch and muttered to herself,
“Well, ah think the Elements of Harmony’d make much better knights, is all.”
