A Rendered Identity

Fire

Flitter woke up, the fur on her face matted down. She pried her face from the pillow and felt the caked on saliva left behind. Her stomach ached in hunger and her muscles felt slightly atrophied. Slightly disgusted with her own condition, she noted a pain different from the headache in her right temple. Pressing a hoof to the side of her head, pain shot through the spot and she immediately retracted it.

The atmosphere was oddly unfamiliar, it was her room but something was different. It was as if someone had taken every item she owned and replaced them all with soulless duplicates. Empty was the only way to describe the same exact room she lived in for so long, which once felt so comforting.

Standing on all fours she stumbled her way to the mirror. Frightening herself with her own image, the bedraggled mare moved forward, knocking into the bedpost and bruising her knee. Wincing in pain, her irritability was now at its boiling point.

Turning to lick the bump, she knocked over a frame showcasing an image of her and cloudchaser.

Thoughtfully, unstably, she pondered the mishap. Lifting it to rectify the incident, she saw the spider-web shatter of the glass cover and lost her mental composure.

“FUCK!” She screamed as she bashed her solid oak nightstand with her bare hoof. “FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” Tears of anger streamed down her face as she tried to let out her rage. Why in Equestria did these stupid episodes have to happen at the worst possible times?

She hauled herself out of bed to wearily clean up whatever mess there was. An almost clean sanguine stain on the polished hardwood floorboards made her feel slightly ashamed, but she wasn’t exactly sure why. In the back of her mind maybe she wanted to be independent of Cloudchaser, at least while they were fighting, but this meant she had just helped her out of another blackout.

“FUCK!!!” Her voice scratched her throat as she yelled considerably louder than previous and backhoofed a lantern off the dresser from her matching furniture set. Shattering glass and clanging metal startled her. She panted hard, trying to catch her breath. Shoulders relaxing and tense muscles releasing, she threw herself at the side of her bed and wept into her hooves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her weaknesses were draining; this, in particular, was becoming an enormous burden on the small framed pegasus. Coming-to in one of the most awkward positions she had ever found herself, Flitter struggled to her hooves and sniffled softly.

A rapping at the front door startled the young mare.

“Flitter?” A concerned voice penetrated the threshold. “Flitter, are you in there?” She wasn’t sure she recognized it.

She shambled down the stairs, attempting to gather herself over the thirty second trek to the lower floor. She recognized she may not exactly look presentable...

“Get down here for Celestia’s sake!” A bit more hoof-on-wood battery made her roll her eyes. She was going as fast as she could...

“One sec, sheesh...” She unlocked the latch on the door, then pulled it open by the brass handle. She was confused, more than anything, to see Cloudchaser.

“What are you doing here...?” Voice quaking as she tried to hold back emotion.

The pony at the door pushed her way in, “Can we talk?”

“Oh, now you wanna talk?”

She threw her front hooves up in minor frustration, “Calm down, seriously.”

“Me?! Calm down?!” She gestured at herself. She was astounded by how casual she was making this out to be. Regaining her composure, she brushed back her mane. “You should go.”

“I’m not leaving. And you need to talk to me, I live here too ya know,” She planted herself where she stood, slamming the door behind her.

If she wanted to talk...

After letting a deep breath go, “So, I woke up alone. Again. What the heck was that about?” She asked bluntly.

“Flitter, this again?” Almost annoyed.

“No!” She was shouting now, “You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to demand we talk and then not let me say what I want! For once in your life, listen to me!”

“Flitter...” She looked embarrassed.

“Good, now that we’ve got that out of the way,” She continued, “Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why weren’t you there, Cloudchaser?” She clarified.

“What are you talking about? I’m right here,”

“Damnit, stop avoiding the question!” She demanded, stomping a hoof.

“I was scared...” She spoke quietly, shying away.

Again, curiosity got the best of her. Letting her aggression drop, “Scared of what?” Flitter walked slowly over and placed one hoof on her shoulder. Even when they were arguing she couldn’t resist the urge to comfort her love.

“I don’t know,” She moved away, fiddling with her forelegs. “You, I guess. What you might say, that this all might be over... Again...”

“You haven’t changed at all...” Now she was hurt. “You’re just a filly at heart...” The same girl she left in the first place was back to break her heart again. Really...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Some time ago, in the hospital, previous to Flitter's surgery attempting to remedy her recurring blackouts.

Dread hung in the air, the acrid stench of the infirmed permeated the dank hospital atmosphere.

Where was she? Flitter tapped the side of her head impatiently.

“Do you have any family we should notify in case something goes wrong?” The doctor didn’t look up from her papers.

Drawing her gaze from the window, “Sorry, what?”

“Any friends or family we can call, should an emergency arise?” Finally making eye contact.

“My friend is coming, just tell her,” turning once again to the glass pane separating her from the breeze swaying the tree in the distance.

“Name?”

“Cloudchaser,” answering quickly. “She’ll be here,” She added.

“We’ll be ready for you in about an hour now Ms. Flitter,” She doctor flipped through the pages on her clipboard. “We’ll check on you a little before then to make sure everything’s okay.”

She was only able to nod in response. Last time she visited a medical pony she was sobbing at the sight of a needle before she blacked out, but at least Cloudchaser was there to hold her. The last thing she needed was to go into the operating room alone, but she knew at least when she woke up she could expect to see someone who cared for her waiting, happy for her safe recovery.

“Oh, and try to relax honey, you’ll be fine,” She ruffled her mane like she would a child’s before exiting the room and shutting the lights out. “Maybe take a nap.”

She nodded again.

Sweet merciful Celestia was she lonely... She just wanted Cloudchaser by her side... right now... Her mind repeatedly wandered off, thinking about what could go wrong during the surgery, thinking whether she would wake up.

Happy thoughts, Flitter, happy thoughts... Cloudchaser...

Filtering through all her memories with Cloudchaser, the previous night surfaced. She was slightly hesitant to recall in detail, but anything was better than the hospital.

Romantic aura replaced the utter despair, bringing to mind her first time with her love, her lifetime friend.

Damnit, now she was horny... But she figured she had some time to kill.

After scanning the room thoroughly, she slowly made her way under the sheets.

Her hooves were cold. The pegasus never felt herself this way before, never had any desire to, previous this moment.

She gasped as she made contact, conflicting temperatures shocked her. Rolling her head back, the pegasus felt her legs tense as she massaged her lips, spreading them and working the sensitive area with gentle imprecision.

Still paranoid that someone could walk in at any second, she tried to take herself up as slowly as possible. The fur on her ankle brushed softly against her clitorus as she continued to rub her pussy. Under the covers she took her unoccupied hoof and placed it over the other. Now using two, she increased the intensity. Flitter felt unnatural, the location and even the action were just odd for her.

Moving her whole lower half, she tried to find the right rhythm, it was tougher than she expected. Just before she got frustrated with the whole thing, she heard a noise from outside.

The nurse walked in. She shut her eyes lightly, pretending to be asleep, not stopping. It was too late now, she couldn’t. Still barely able to see, she made sure her secretive motion was undetectable under the hospital sheets.

Gosh... That pony was flawless, what a figure on that one. She noticed it became a lot slicker, this beautiful pony was really turning her on. She pushed deeper, trying to mask her breathing with a pillow.

Examining her curves, she found she was more interested in the face. Her eyes were perfectly symmetrical, big and glassy and she could almost taste those smooth lips, feel that tongue... Everywhere... She dug her hoof in deeper.

When she finally finished up in the room, the nurse headed toward the exit. Flitter could swear she had never seen a pony move that way. Guilt crept in, her sexual fixation having moved away from her girlfriend.

That butt... ah... That butt... It swayed with her walk, then stopped. Stopped? Mmmm... she bent over with to grab the quill she’d dropped with her mouth. Sometimes Flitter felt it simply unfortunate that ponies other than unicorns were made to write, but now she just appreciated the view.

The nursed turned around to check if she had left anything else behind.

The hospitalized pegasus shut her eyes hastily, then opened them ever so slightly, so nopony could see her watching.

Mmmm...

She wanted to cum so bad. She pushed herself, trying not to make noise. Biting her lip, she tensed her thigh muscles and pushed as deep as she could with her blunt little hooves. Sharply breathing in, the pegasus brought her wings in tight. The rustling sheets surprised her and she came to attention for a moment before returning.

Each motion took her closer to the edge, every single stroke of her beautiful lips incited ecstasy. It was getting hard to contain, she really had to try just keep keep her voice in.

When the nurse finally closed the door she let out her squeal of joy, lifting her lower half she let herself go. A tide rose in her emotions and body like she’d only felt once before, her mind and muscles numbed for a few seconds while she could only feel ultimate joy.

She let her hips rest back down, rolling to her other side. Deeply exhaling, she nuzzled her face against the pillow. Laying there, allowing her sexual arousal to subside; exhaustion bathed her entirely. Satisfaction could only go so far...

Reality stiffly came to her. Silently catching her breath, she covered her eyes with her right foreleg and held in her shame. Now on the verge of tears, she felt far more alone than she ever had. She wallowed in self pity the minutes before she entered her operation.

~~

Awakened by sweet beckon of the morning birds, she put a hoof to her eyes. The bitter loneliness yet lingered. Abandonment and self loathing brewed in her thoughts, turning to scorn. Alone, she lost her last shred of trust for the one she once believed could love her. Blaming herself for not being able to hold a relationship, she cried silently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*To the argument at hoof.

“Do you know what that did to me?” She didn’t realize she was crying until the tears obscured her vision. “Do you know what it was like to wake up ALONE? AGAIN? when I needed somepony?” When she needed love...

“That was one time, Flitter,” she pointed out.

She shook her head.

“You take me for granted, I’m not something you can play with until you get bored and then toss aside. I don’t just show up to fuck you and go on my merry way. That’s not how a relationship works. I know it seems like a simple thing to you, but for me...”

She sighed deeply and placed her hoof briefly on her forehead before working her tone down to the sad, serious sound she wanted. “It ultimately seems like you don’t want to be around me unless we’re having fun. And don’t get me wrong, I like to have a good time, but you take the good with the bad. It’s the simplest fucking thing and you can’t get it through your head.” She turned around and unfurled her wings.

“Flitter!” She tried to get her attention, “Don’t be such a baby!”

Having to force herself not to turn her head, the pony with a decision to make at last knew what was best for her, striding out the front door.

Gathering courage, “I’m serious this time, I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.”

The words reverberated in the doldrums of the wind for a second before really sinking in. Her eyes shot open and she began to run after, beating her wings to a takeoff.

“Woah woah woah! Hold on!” She called to her.

“I told you not to follow me,” Her voice quivered, she sounded as if she were on the verge of tears . She turned about mid-air.

“Look, I’m not going to let you go. I’m willing to work this out.”

“NO! It’s not good enough!” Unstably, she darted off. She had to stop soon once more, she hadn’t realized how much she was crying until her vision blurred. “I am beyond done with you, you had your chance!”

Not ready to accept what had just happened, Cloudchaser watched her lifelong friend fly off. Impossible... She thought this could never happen, in a thousand years, her greatest love - lost.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be! She squeezed her eyelids shut and bit her cheek, trying to hold back her pain. Maybe it was a dream? Wiping the first tear away, she opened her eyes.

The pony she was looking for was nowhere to be seen. It felt like her lungs were about to explode.

Flitter was gone, and with her, the most important part of who Cloudchaser was...

I had this done for a while,
Remembering things just isn’t my style...
~Jura