A Rendered Identity

by Jura

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Other, Romance
Length: 4856

Flitter X Cloudchaser Clopfic, sort of sad-ish, pretty shippy

If your very special some pony lost their memory, forgot all about the terrible things you'd done, and you still had feelings for them, would you try to take advantage of it? Cloppy results.

Flitter and Cloudchaser clopfic F/F

Published 2012-06-15 11:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-20 08:18:54 UTC

Smoke

Smoke

The pink bow on the pegasus’ head rustled in the rushing wind as she gracefully plummeted through towards the sea, unconscious. She had a history of this; random blackouts were common for her. It wasn’t normal, however, for her to be flying so high with nopony around to catch her, especially not over water.

Circumstances of late were different, the recklessness was partly due to her past folly with Cloudchaser. Living life dangerously... She had scorned her love and now she paid the price mentally- soon physically.

Flitter... Funny how names work out that way...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Celestia, did she miss Flitter... this wasn’t the first time the thought had crept into her mind. The breakup was nasty and the cause was more troubling than Cloudchaser cared to recall. Painful memories were conjured each time the girl with the dragonfly cutie mark was brought to attention.

Flitter had every right to be mad, but in any event, so did Cloudchaser. There was no reason to overreact like that...

For Flitter there was no way to see around it, “The trust is gone, I’m done,” the killing words.

They had been together as long as she could remember, even as fillies they knew they were going to be together forever. They knew it, but still they tore themselves apart. It had been months since the two had spoken, it hurt to think that.

Maybe she should go for a stroll... Slashing at the air with her primly groomed wings, Cloudchaser took off with a leap toward the eastern sea.

Soaring over the clear blue waves, she scanned the skies. With nothing around other than the clouds, she glided lower to watch the foaming, salty water. Cloudchaser thought it best to take some time outside to clear her thoughts. Refreshing salt spray buffeted her cheeks.

Quite literally out of the blue, a large falling object ruptured the surface of the rolling sea with a rippling splash, a pillar of water shot up, followed by an after-splash. “Neat,” she muttered before slowly banking towards where it dropped.

As she neared the site of impact, the frost-maned pegasus gazed below. “Huh... A pony...? FLITTER!” She dove full speed into the drink, locking onto her position, and shutting her eyes tight, right before breaching the surface.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“-ly she hasn’t made a full recovery.” Flitter found herself in a strange bed, slowly she blinked her eyes open. “Her memory may come back, but we can’t be sure.” Her ears were ringing, and her eyes were still trying to adjust to the light.

“But... She’s healthy? She’s good?” She heard a familiar female voice question the MD, worried.

“Yes, while she inhaled quite a bit of water, she only lost oxygen supply to her brain for a short time,”

“What had happened to me?” She wondered aloud, but still under her breath.

“You, my dear Cloudchaser, most certainly saved this pony’s life.”

She had? How romantic! She passed it off as another one of her blackout episodes.

“My gosh, she’s awake! You’re awake!” She threw her arms around her, only half considering the grudge she bore. More important was the fact that she was alive.

“Yep, I’m awake,” She smiled back. “How long was I out this time?”

It struck Cloudchaser as odd that her ex would be in such a good mood with her in the room. Even if she had just saved her life, it wasn’t easy for her to let her guard down like this.

“A couple hours... I even managed to grab your bow.” She felt about on the top of her head, startled by the missing accessory. “I got it.”

“Somepony said I almost drowned? From passing out outside of Sugarcube Corner?” She wasn’t sure if it had rained, or how it may have happened really.

“We haven’t been to...” She paused abruptly in the middle of her sentence, pondering the statement. Was her memory that off? Maybe the doctor pony was right, this might be bad!

But then... Outside Sugarcube... Wait... That meant... The breakup! The whole terrible breakup! Everything forgotten! Relief came to her, but as it did, the pent up anger and past grief she felt did not leave. Was it wrong to still be mad? No one but her really knew about the whole thing, maybe she could just keep it to herself.

Tabula rasa; a blank slate... Such a wonderful concept, but the circumstances seemed so very off.

“Doesn’t matter I guess,” speculated Flitter.

“Right, long as you’re okay,” Cloudchaser smiled back, concealing her concerns. “By the way, they said you could come home if you felt better.” She slyly added. Still not one hundred percent on the idea of taking this pony to her house.

The two had moved into a home in Ponyville together, the change from Cloudsdale proved easy. Friendly atmosphere, easy jobs in weather control, and fair townsponies were some of the initial draws of the small town; those and the fact that they could get away.

Neither of the pair had any luck with acceptance among peers as far as their sexuality. They weren’t bad ponies, they just couldn’t seem to see the other side of things. In reality the new venue was inevitable, all the better that they could stay together.

Perhaps more intriguing was the fact that they were often mistaken for sisters, even twins. At first it threw them off, then they looked at eachother and saw the similarities in appearance. Sometimes it even made them feel a bit narcissistic, as if they found their own beauty in each other.

“I’m feelin’ fine,” the currently hospitalized pony responded, shrugging.

The hospital cot creaked as the pony lying in it attempted to shift her weight. Lightheaded, she fell back trying to regain focus, clutching her skull.

“Sit back and rest a bit, sweetness.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The world was a different place without her love, but now she was back. She preened her feathers as she waited for the little amnesiac to wander down the stairs of their two story home. Contemplating what she had done... The way she saw it she had three options: Never tell Flitter and move on with the old relationship, come clean and try to start again, or leave now and get the ultimate payback on her ex.

Revenge wasn’t really as sweet when the pony didn’t know what she was being punished for though, so it really left her with only two choices. For now she would stay the “cover up” route and see how that went.

“Hey Cloud-girl,” there she was. “You saved me, huh? Brought me to the hospital?” Somehow she knew exactly where this was going, but she hadn’t heard her tell the story a while. It was almost refreshing.

“You’re my angel, you know,” Cloudchaser pre-emptively stated, prompting her.

“I always thought that pegasi were just earth pony angels,” She moved closer, continuing as if there had been no interruption. “We’re not like earth ponies, not like unicorns. We do things they couldn’t dream of, control the weather, walk on clouds, even fly.”

“And look how sexy we are,” the pony with the spiked mane added lightly.

“When they die they go to a better place, right? They go to Cloudsdale, they meet ponies like you and live perfect lives as free as the wind.”

She used to get sick of hearing this every time the blackouts happened. Now her quirk seemed that much more endearing.

“I’m just glad we don’t live in Cloudsdale anymore,” She stated solemnly, “I’m just glad I’m with you... again...”

Before the deceitful mare could even think about covering her slip, she found lips, which she missed dreadfully, on her own. Kissing back, she couldn’t help but smile big and giggle a bit, “What’s so funny?” Flitter questioned, brushing her hair from her face with a hoof.

“Nothing, it isn’t funny it’s just...” She missed this a lot, what she knew they were about to do... It had been so long since another mare gave her any attention. “Everything seems perfect at this exact moment, I don’t want anything to change,”

“I’ll show you change,” She chided nonsensically, tossing her head back, flicking her mane to the side and re-engaging her partner’s mouth. Tongues met for a few dozen seconds, playfully wrestling and eliciting a few giggles before they both realized where this was headed.

Cloudchaser nipped at the pony she followed up the stairs to the bedroom. A bleak memory broke into her consciousness for a moment as she realized how long it had been since she had been in here with another girl. The sadness was replaced quickly with anger as she remembered the amount of pain she’d felt at her hooves.

Her emotions were scattered. Laughing to herself, she finally reached the point where, mentally, she was capable of dealing with the beautiful mare leading her that was fully ready to receive her affection. The past was the past, at least for now.

The pair cutely snickered as they fell onto the bed, play fighting. Taking control, the pony with the bow held down the other, then gave her a peck on the cheek. Somehow this seemed far more erotic than it should have, she felt radiating heat from below the waist. The sheets rustled beneath as they got into position.

Like an avalanche, Flitter cooly went where she pleased, and completely buried her companion. Her fur was snow and the pony beneath her was the mountainside. Pressing their mouths together they panted heavily and breathed into each other.

Cloudchaser found herself lost in the moment, shutting her eyes she enjoyed the taste of the warm air as it settled. Surrendering herself to the fantastically arousing form above her, she relaxed every muscle in her body.

Taking full advantage of this glorious event, Flitter enveloped Cloudchaser within her comforting wingspan, and caressing her shapely beauty softly.

It tickled some, but this was beyond expectation. Acceptingly, she enthralled herself in the experience.

Carefully refining her positioning, the dominant pony bade farewell to the upper orifice and began her descent with mind-bending skill. The seconds felt like hours as she made her way down, tantalizing motions taunting the impatient mare.

Cloudchaser could feel their fur dragging smoothly; the wait was killing her. Her heartbeat quickened.

Upon reaching the final frontier, the pegasus’ wings shivered with anticipation. In response, she felt a hoof placed on her head, playing with her mane; her biggest turn-on. Intensity immediately grew with the first touch of the tongue. Cloudchaser gasped and put her other hoof to her mouth, savoring the nonexistent flavor and trying to control her volume. Several more passes over the entirety of her pussy made her strain.

“Ah!” It wasn’t working. The jagged maned pony ran her hoof through her lover’s styled hair, delighting in the free flowing silkiness. “Heehee, perfect,” the laughter was simply an expression of joy as she felt coursing pleasure throughout her body. Flawless technique brought her close to her peak almost within seconds, then back down again, only to repeat several times.

Flitter’s feathers defined themselves individually as they flourished on her partner. Adding in hooves, she massaged her clit, and grabbed her flank applying pressure and to stimulate her even further. She really had a knack for this, almost as if she could feel when the other pony was about to go over.

Cloudchaser lingered breathtakingly close to the edge for minutes, feeling the tongue dance around inside her. The mounting pleasure was almost too great, quivering and heaving ragged breaths as she threw her head back, fighting for air and rejoicing at the precise movements. The feathery appendage fanned out and cozied up against her flank was a touch only Flitter could think of; nopony else could have such delicate control and presence of mind to utilize them to their full potential.

A hoof reached up to meet the near-orgasmic pony’s face, wet with her own fluids. The familiar scent wafted into her nostrils, causing them to flare. She tasted herself and moaned, she was so damn close right now. Knowing her like she did, she figured she would probably have to beg. “Please, goddesses, make me cum,” she pleaded softly. After about a minute and a half going unanswered, savoring the glory that was this seemingly everlasting moment she tried again. “Fucking make me cum right now, I need it!” She used her own hoof to catalyze the process.

Asked and answered.

By the noise the filly made, she might have been mistaken for a mouse, the auditory response was symphonic, pure delight in vocal form. She had been played like a finely tuned instrument, almost literally. Wings twitching slightly, she swallowed hard and tried to catch her breath, no further speech left her mouth, her eyes widened in joy and grinning ear to ear. A kiss met her lips, which she gladly accepted and pushed back into.

Cloudchaser soon found herself spooned by the pony she loved, their bodies fitting into each other neatly. Nuzzling her, she whispered beautiful nothings to her as they drifted off to sleep.

This was the right decision, clearly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cloudchaser awoke, the void next to her worried her for a moment. She opened her eyes and turned over in a slight panic, only to have her fears quelled and replaced by the saddened, hurting expression on the mare watching her sleep’s face.

“I remember,” She said simply, a tear beginning to form in her right eye.

“Remember what?” Trying to appease Flitter with her feeble attempt at playing dumb.

“Don’t be stupid...” Cloudchaser rose from the bed and trotted groggily over to try to mollify the emotional female. “Please don’t move any closer...” Visibly shaking.

“I...” Unsure what to say, she stumbled over her own tongue. Placating her was going to be quite difficult to say the least, she would need time she didn’t have.

Working up the nerve to speak, “I’m not the same pony... And you knew it... That’s what hurts the most. You didn’t try it again, you didn’t try to get me back. I feel like I wasn’t worth that to you, you just wanted to have things the way they were. I mean...” She sniffed, now completely blubbering. “I almost can’t blame you, we had something great. I can’t deny that I might have even done the same thing, but you have to acknowledge that you’d be hurt too...”

“I fucked up...” Her eyes were wide, jaw agape. She spoke more to herself than anypony, aghast at her own actions. Twice now... How was she going to resolve this? No quick fix this time around...

Clearly the wrong decision.

Sorry for the delay,
I'm just busy, what can I say?
Jura~

Fire

Fire

Flitter woke up, the fur on her face matted down. She pried her face from the pillow and felt the caked on saliva left behind. Her stomach ached in hunger and her muscles felt slightly atrophied. Slightly disgusted with her own condition, she noted a pain different from the headache in her right temple. Pressing a hoof to the side of her head, pain shot through the spot and she immediately retracted it.

The atmosphere was oddly unfamiliar, it was her room but something was different. It was as if someone had taken every item she owned and replaced them all with soulless duplicates. Empty was the only way to describe the same exact room she lived in for so long, which once felt so comforting.

Standing on all fours she stumbled her way to the mirror. Frightening herself with her own image, the bedraggled mare moved forward, knocking into the bedpost and bruising her knee. Wincing in pain, her irritability was now at its boiling point.

Turning to lick the bump, she knocked over a frame showcasing an image of her and cloudchaser.

Thoughtfully, unstably, she pondered the mishap. Lifting it to rectify the incident, she saw the spider-web shatter of the glass cover and lost her mental composure.

“FUCK!” She screamed as she bashed her solid oak nightstand with her bare hoof. “FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” Tears of anger streamed down her face as she tried to let out her rage. Why in Equestria did these stupid episodes have to happen at the worst possible times?

She hauled herself out of bed to wearily clean up whatever mess there was. An almost clean sanguine stain on the polished hardwood floorboards made her feel slightly ashamed, but she wasn’t exactly sure why. In the back of her mind maybe she wanted to be independent of Cloudchaser, at least while they were fighting, but this meant she had just helped her out of another blackout.

“FUCK!!!” Her voice scratched her throat as she yelled considerably louder than previous and backhoofed a lantern off the dresser from her matching furniture set. Shattering glass and clanging metal startled her. She panted hard, trying to catch her breath. Shoulders relaxing and tense muscles releasing, she threw herself at the side of her bed and wept into her hooves.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her weaknesses were draining; this, in particular, was becoming an enormous burden on the small framed pegasus. Coming-to in one of the most awkward positions she had ever found herself, Flitter struggled to her hooves and sniffled softly.

A rapping at the front door startled the young mare.

“Flitter?” A concerned voice penetrated the threshold. “Flitter, are you in there?” She wasn’t sure she recognized it.

She shambled down the stairs, attempting to gather herself over the thirty second trek to the lower floor. She recognized she may not exactly look presentable...

“Get down here for Celestia’s sake!” A bit more hoof-on-wood battery made her roll her eyes. She was going as fast as she could...

“One sec, sheesh...” She unlocked the latch on the door, then pulled it open by the brass handle. She was confused, more than anything, to see Cloudchaser.

“What are you doing here...?” Voice quaking as she tried to hold back emotion.

The pony at the door pushed her way in, “Can we talk?”

“Oh, now you wanna talk?”

She threw her front hooves up in minor frustration, “Calm down, seriously.”

“Me?! Calm down?!” She gestured at herself. She was astounded by how casual she was making this out to be. Regaining her composure, she brushed back her mane. “You should go.”

“I’m not leaving. And you need to talk to me, I live here too ya know,” She planted herself where she stood, slamming the door behind her.

If she wanted to talk...

After letting a deep breath go, “So, I woke up alone. Again. What the heck was that about?” She asked bluntly.

“Flitter, this again?” Almost annoyed.

“No!” She was shouting now, “You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to demand we talk and then not let me say what I want! For once in your life, listen to me!”

“Flitter...” She looked embarrassed.

“Good, now that we’ve got that out of the way,” She continued, “Why?”

“What do you mean why?”

“Why weren’t you there, Cloudchaser?” She clarified.

“What are you talking about? I’m right here,”

“Damnit, stop avoiding the question!” She demanded, stomping a hoof.

“I was scared...” She spoke quietly, shying away.

Again, curiosity got the best of her. Letting her aggression drop, “Scared of what?” Flitter walked slowly over and placed one hoof on her shoulder. Even when they were arguing she couldn’t resist the urge to comfort her love.

“I don’t know,” She moved away, fiddling with her forelegs. “You, I guess. What you might say, that this all might be over... Again...”

“You haven’t changed at all...” Now she was hurt. “You’re just a filly at heart...” The same girl she left in the first place was back to break her heart again. Really...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Some time ago, in the hospital, previous to Flitter's surgery attempting to remedy her recurring blackouts.

Dread hung in the air, the acrid stench of the infirmed permeated the dank hospital atmosphere.

Where was she? Flitter tapped the side of her head impatiently.

“Do you have any family we should notify in case something goes wrong?” The doctor didn’t look up from her papers.

Drawing her gaze from the window, “Sorry, what?”

“Any friends or family we can call, should an emergency arise?” Finally making eye contact.

“My friend is coming, just tell her,” turning once again to the glass pane separating her from the breeze swaying the tree in the distance.

“Name?”

“Cloudchaser,” answering quickly. “She’ll be here,” She added.

“We’ll be ready for you in about an hour now Ms. Flitter,” She doctor flipped through the pages on her clipboard. “We’ll check on you a little before then to make sure everything’s okay.”

She was only able to nod in response. Last time she visited a medical pony she was sobbing at the sight of a needle before she blacked out, but at least Cloudchaser was there to hold her. The last thing she needed was to go into the operating room alone, but she knew at least when she woke up she could expect to see someone who cared for her waiting, happy for her safe recovery.

“Oh, and try to relax honey, you’ll be fine,” She ruffled her mane like she would a child’s before exiting the room and shutting the lights out. “Maybe take a nap.”

She nodded again.

Sweet merciful Celestia was she lonely... She just wanted Cloudchaser by her side... right now... Her mind repeatedly wandered off, thinking about what could go wrong during the surgery, thinking whether she would wake up.

Happy thoughts, Flitter, happy thoughts... Cloudchaser...

Filtering through all her memories with Cloudchaser, the previous night surfaced. She was slightly hesitant to recall in detail, but anything was better than the hospital.

Romantic aura replaced the utter despair, bringing to mind her first time with her love, her lifetime friend.

Damnit, now she was horny... But she figured she had some time to kill.

After scanning the room thoroughly, she slowly made her way under the sheets.

Her hooves were cold. The pegasus never felt herself this way before, never had any desire to, previous this moment.

She gasped as she made contact, conflicting temperatures shocked her. Rolling her head back, the pegasus felt her legs tense as she massaged her lips, spreading them and working the sensitive area with gentle imprecision.

Still paranoid that someone could walk in at any second, she tried to take herself up as slowly as possible. The fur on her ankle brushed softly against her clitorus as she continued to rub her pussy. Under the covers she took her unoccupied hoof and placed it over the other. Now using two, she increased the intensity. Flitter felt unnatural, the location and even the action were just odd for her.

Moving her whole lower half, she tried to find the right rhythm, it was tougher than she expected. Just before she got frustrated with the whole thing, she heard a noise from outside.

The nurse walked in. She shut her eyes lightly, pretending to be asleep, not stopping. It was too late now, she couldn’t. Still barely able to see, she made sure her secretive motion was undetectable under the hospital sheets.

Gosh... That pony was flawless, what a figure on that one. She noticed it became a lot slicker, this beautiful pony was really turning her on. She pushed deeper, trying to mask her breathing with a pillow.

Examining her curves, she found she was more interested in the face. Her eyes were perfectly symmetrical, big and glassy and she could almost taste those smooth lips, feel that tongue... Everywhere... She dug her hoof in deeper.

When she finally finished up in the room, the nurse headed toward the exit. Flitter could swear she had never seen a pony move that way. Guilt crept in, her sexual fixation having moved away from her girlfriend.

That butt... ah... That butt... It swayed with her walk, then stopped. Stopped? Mmmm... she bent over with to grab the quill she’d dropped with her mouth. Sometimes Flitter felt it simply unfortunate that ponies other than unicorns were made to write, but now she just appreciated the view.

The nursed turned around to check if she had left anything else behind.

The hospitalized pegasus shut her eyes hastily, then opened them ever so slightly, so nopony could see her watching.

Mmmm...

She wanted to cum so bad. She pushed herself, trying not to make noise. Biting her lip, she tensed her thigh muscles and pushed as deep as she could with her blunt little hooves. Sharply breathing in, the pegasus brought her wings in tight. The rustling sheets surprised her and she came to attention for a moment before returning.

Each motion took her closer to the edge, every single stroke of her beautiful lips incited ecstasy. It was getting hard to contain, she really had to try just keep keep her voice in.

When the nurse finally closed the door she let out her squeal of joy, lifting her lower half she let herself go. A tide rose in her emotions and body like she’d only felt once before, her mind and muscles numbed for a few seconds while she could only feel ultimate joy.

She let her hips rest back down, rolling to her other side. Deeply exhaling, she nuzzled her face against the pillow. Laying there, allowing her sexual arousal to subside; exhaustion bathed her entirely. Satisfaction could only go so far...

Reality stiffly came to her. Silently catching her breath, she covered her eyes with her right foreleg and held in her shame. Now on the verge of tears, she felt far more alone than she ever had. She wallowed in self pity the minutes before she entered her operation.

~~

Awakened by sweet beckon of the morning birds, she put a hoof to her eyes. The bitter loneliness yet lingered. Abandonment and self loathing brewed in her thoughts, turning to scorn. Alone, she lost her last shred of trust for the one she once believed could love her. Blaming herself for not being able to hold a relationship, she cried silently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

*To the argument at hoof.

“Do you know what that did to me?” She didn’t realize she was crying until the tears obscured her vision. “Do you know what it was like to wake up ALONE? AGAIN? when I needed somepony?” When she needed love...

“That was one time, Flitter,” she pointed out.

She shook her head.

“You take me for granted, I’m not something you can play with until you get bored and then toss aside. I don’t just show up to fuck you and go on my merry way. That’s not how a relationship works. I know it seems like a simple thing to you, but for me...”

She sighed deeply and placed her hoof briefly on her forehead before working her tone down to the sad, serious sound she wanted. “It ultimately seems like you don’t want to be around me unless we’re having fun. And don’t get me wrong, I like to have a good time, but you take the good with the bad. It’s the simplest fucking thing and you can’t get it through your head.” She turned around and unfurled her wings.

“Flitter!” She tried to get her attention, “Don’t be such a baby!”

Having to force herself not to turn her head, the pony with a decision to make at last knew what was best for her, striding out the front door.

Gathering courage, “I’m serious this time, I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.”

The words reverberated in the doldrums of the wind for a second before really sinking in. Her eyes shot open and she began to run after, beating her wings to a takeoff.

“Woah woah woah! Hold on!” She called to her.

“I told you not to follow me,” Her voice quivered, she sounded as if she were on the verge of tears . She turned about mid-air.

“Look, I’m not going to let you go. I’m willing to work this out.”

“NO! It’s not good enough!” Unstably, she darted off. She had to stop soon once more, she hadn’t realized how much she was crying until her vision blurred. “I am beyond done with you, you had your chance!”

Not ready to accept what had just happened, Cloudchaser watched her lifelong friend fly off. Impossible... She thought this could never happen, in a thousand years, her greatest love - lost.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be! She squeezed her eyelids shut and bit her cheek, trying to hold back her pain. Maybe it was a dream? Wiping the first tear away, she opened her eyes.

The pony she was looking for was nowhere to be seen. It felt like her lungs were about to explode.

Flitter was gone, and with her, the most important part of who Cloudchaser was...

I had this done for a while,
Remembering things just isn’t my style...
~Jura