Bacchanalian Adventures of Rainbow Dash

by JTHailstorm

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Comedy, Random, Sunset Shimmer, Main 6
Length: 2217

A drunken Rainbow Dash is loose in Canterlot High, it is up to her friends to find her and take her home.

When Rainbow Dash's folks are gone, she raids their liquor cabinet. Unfortunately for the poor students of Canterlot High, the inebriated Dash finds her way to school. All reason is lost as the star athlete goes missing after her friends confront her about her being drunk. It is up to Sunset Shimmer and the others to find Rainbow before something bad happens.

There is one thing on everyone's mind as the search throughout Canterlot High widens, "Where in the world is Rainbow Dash?"

Published 2016-04-12 15:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-12 15:30:01 UTC

Alcohol Gives You Super Powers

The sun was shining brightly, almost too bright for Rainbow Dash. Luckily for her she was wearing her favorite pair of sunglasses. Her bag was slung over her shoulder and almost fell off a few times as she tried her best to walk in a straight line. Once she almost ate pavement when she nearly tripped over nothing.

Bursting through the doors of Canterlot High she entered like a returning victorious ruler. However graceful she felt, the other students did not seem to think the same thing. Most of her classmates decided to ignore the self-obsessed girl who was acting a bit strange that morning. The crowds of young adults chatted amongst themselves as the rainbow haired girl pushed her way through to her locker. There was a strong smell of alcohol radiating from the immediate vicinity around Rainbow. People wondered where it was coming from but ultimately they went back to not caring as the scent passed.

On her journey to her locker she would stumble and instantly catch herself on someone. It was at that moment when people started to realize that the star athlete was drunk as a skunk. Those unlucky souls that saved Rainbow from falling were baffled as to what to do. Most turned to their friends, others sought out a teacher or other responsible adult.

Once Rainbow got to her locker she started trying to open the lock but she couldn’t quite remember her combination. Frustrated she resigned to simply standing in front of her locker. She tried her hardest not to fall down but was currently failing. Sliding down the side of the wall of lockers she sat down.

Her friends gathered around her and shook their heads. They have never seen her this way. Rainbow glanced up at them with a twisted smile. Her face was red but that didn’t stop her from smiling a stupid grin.

“Whazzup my-” Rainbow slurred. She hiccupped, “Friends?”

“What’re ya doin’ down there sugar cube?” Applejack asked as she lifted her eyebrow at her friend.

“I’m enjoyin’ life.” Rainbow said.

“From down there?” Pinkie asked. She popped up on the side of Rainbow. “You should be up here exploring the world and getting super duper views of the world.” Pinkie somehow found her way into the ceiling where she had a panel pushed to the side.

Rarity got down on Rainbow’s level and adjusted Rainbow’s sunglasses then she carefully fixed Dash’s rainbow hair.

“Darling, get up from off the ground. That is no place for a friend of ours to be.” Rarity said.

“Rainbow, uh, I think you should get up and go home.” Fluttershy suggested.

“And miss class? I got a game today.” Rainbow replied. She started getting louder towards the end of her statement.

“Uh Rainbow, there is no game today.” Sunset Shimmer said.

“Wha?” Rainbow asked.

“I ain’t ever see ya like this.” Applejack said.

“Heh, folks are gone and they left the key to their liquor cabinet.” Rainbow explained.

“We need to get you home.” Sunset Shimmer said.

“Nah,” Rainbow replied.

“Rainbow.” Sunset growled.

“Make me.” Rainbow challenged.

“I will carry you home if it comes down to that.” Sunset vowed.

“Try it.” Rainbow said. Rainbow looked over to Sunset and smirked.

Before Sunset or anyone else could do anything, Rainbow Dash was off in a flash. The perplexed group of friends looked at each other dumbfounded as to how their drunk friend got away that quickly.

“We have to catch her before she gets hurt.” Sunset said.

“Or before she hurts anyone else.” Fluttershy added.

“Let’s split up so we could cover more ground.” Applejack suggested.

The girls nodded before embarking on their quest to locate Rainbow Dash. Each girl wondering where in the school could Rainbow Dash be hiding. They started off in the direction that the star athlete ran in. From there they split up.

Rarity headed in the direction of the music room. As she got closer to the room, she could hear the strumming of a guitar. She opened the door and saw Rainbow sitting on the ground playing the guitar.

“Buy a bottle of whiskey, we’ll get matching tattoos.” Rainbow Dash sang.
Rarity crept closer to Rainbow. The inebriated athlete continued playing the guitar and singing the rest of the song.

“Rainbow, darling, we need to get you home.” Rarity said.

“Fair enough.” Rainbow said. She got up and headed toward the door.

“That was easier than I thought.” Rarity sighed.

“Keep on thinking that.” Rainbow sneered. The rainbow haired girl ran out the door, leaving Rarity baffled.

Meanwhile, Pinkie peeked her head out of the ceiling. She had some night vision goggles on as well as a dark spy getup. Slowly and quietly she retreated back into the shadows. In the ceiling she was hidden, that is until she’d glance down at the room below. A few times someone would see her and instantly run off in fear but for the most part they were oblivious to her presence. Much like Sam Fisher she used her stealth to locate her target.

After minutes of searching and scaring various students, she located her target. Rainbow Dash was wandering around in the auditorium. Quietly Pinkie searched for a better vantage point in the auditorium. Pinkie crept up to her new vantage point and stared down at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow stumbled around and drunkenly bumped into things then apologized to them. Finally she got to the curtains and burst through them. As she did she stumbled down to the ground and lay there for a while.

Pinkie pulled a tactical rope out of her hair then securely fastened it to a sturdy looking bar. She rappelled down to Rainbow Dash. When she got to the ground Rainbow Dash was up and standing in a kung fu stance.

“A spy! I’ve been training for this day.” Rainbow Dash said.

“You need to go home.” Pinkie said.

“Bring it on.” Rainbow challenged.

With a sigh, Pinkie stepped back into a right stance and waited for Rainbow Dash to make the first move. As Rainbow made her move, Pinkie prepared herself to make a takedown. Instead of a takedown she found herself on the floor without her night vision goggles. She looked at a clock hanging up on the wall and she had missed her first class.

Drama students started filing into the auditorium to rehearse for a play. Each one gasped as they saw Agent Pinkie lying on the ground defeated. None of them will ever know the specifics as to why she was there. However Pinkie knew.
Rainbow Dash was going to be hard to catch.

Fluttershy peeked around the corner of the bleachers to see if Rainbow was out on the field. When she saw that Rainbow wasn’t there she headed back for the school. She wondered what she was thinking when she decided to go out to the soccer field.

Rainbow Dash staggered down the hallway. Somehow she clumsily avoided capture from both her friends and hall monitors. She grinned like a hero as she pulled the night vision goggles over her eyes.

“I am super spy.” Rainbow declared.

“Yer comin’ with me,” Applejack called out.

Rainbow Dash turned to see Applejack standing in the middle of the hall with a lasso. A drunken smirk drew across Rainbow’s face as she realized that the cowgirl was going to try to apprehend her.

“I’m right here.” Rainbow yelled.

The doors to classrooms opened and students glanced out at the scene unfolding in the halls. Some of the students got their phones out and started filming the goings on.

“It doesn’t have ta be like this.” Applejack said.

“Okay, I’ll come quietly.” Rainbow replied. She shrugged as she approached Applejack.

Applejack raised her eyebrow as she tried to figure out why Rainbow was giving up. She knew something was going to happen because Rainbow never gives up.

As Rainbow Dash stood in front of Applejack she held out both her hands and waited to be restrained. When Applejack restrained Rainbow she started leading the drunken athlete away.

Most of the students returned to class while a few lingered in the doorways watching carefully as the captain of various sports teams was led away. With phones rolling they caught every moment of Rainbow Dash’s miraculous escape. Some students cheered as Rainbow ran by them.

Applejack turned to find that another student was in place of Rainbow Dash. She used some colorful language as she untied the poor freshman. After apologizing she ran to catch up to Rainbow. However, instead of running into Rainbow she ran into Vice Principal Luna.

Sunset Shimmer walked through the library in futility as she wondered why she was there. Rainbow Dash would never be in the library, especially when intoxicated. She sighed as she exited the library.

The next thing she knew she was on the ground. Beside her groaned Rainbow. Quickly getting up Sunset Shimmer dusted herself off then crouched beside her friend.

“I’m so sorry.” Sunset said.

“Wher-” Rainbow Dash groaned as she sat up. The look of shock on her face as she realized that she was finally caught.

Rainbow blinked as she looked at Sunset. She knew what she had to do or rather she decided to go with impulse and extended her hand. Sunset frowned then sighed as she extended her hand out to her drunk friend. As Rainbow grabbed her hand she pulled Sunset down to her. Rainbow forced Sunset’s mouth to hers. Startled by the forced affection, Sunset tried to pull away but she couldn’t help but be pulled further into the kiss. The taste of booze was transferred between the two as an eternity seemed to pass. When they parted Rainbow slumped to the side and her sunglasses fell to the ground.

“Are we interrupting something?” Principal Celestia asked.

Sunset glanced up at the principal and vice principal. Both looked down with disappointment in their eyes.

“I uh, this isn’t what it looks like.” Sunset stammered.

“My office. Now.” Principal Celestia demanded.

Sunset looked at the floor and in a defeated manner made the walk of shame to the principal’s office. She carried Rainbow Dash the entire way.

After an hour of discussing the consequences of Rainbow’s impulsive and ultimately stupid actions, Principal Celestia decided not to throw the book at Rainbow. She instead allowed Sunset Shimmer to take Rainbow home and let nature run its course. Principal Celestia knew that Rainbow would pay for her actions eventually.

When Rainbow was finally home, Sunset waited for her friend to go to her room. Much like a child, Rainbow refused to go to her room. So instead of fighting with Rainbow, Sunset decided to carry Rainbow to her room.

After a few frustrating moments Rainbow was finally in bed. As Sunset turned to leave Rainbow was already at the door.

“Rainbow, go to bed.” Sunset Shimmer demanded.

“No.” Rainbow pouted.

“To bed. Now.” Sunset growled.

Finally Rainbow got into bed. Satisfied with the result, Sunset once more turned to exit her friend’s room.

“Sunset?” Rainbow called out.

Sunset Shimmer turned to her friend who stayed in her bed.

“Yes?” Sunset replied.

“Read me a story.” Rainbow asked.

“No.” Sunset answered.

“I don’t feel good.” Rainbow groaned.

“That’s what you get.” Sunset said coldly. She thought about what she said, though it was how she felt, that did seem a little too cold.

“Don’t leave me.” Rainbow begged.

“Fine.” Sunset sighed. She turned around and headed towards Rainbow’s bed. She sat at the foot of the bed and folded her arms.

“Can you give me that glass of water?” Rainbow asked.

Not thinking much of it Sunset grabbed the glass of water near Rainbow’s bed. As Rainbow drank the glass her face started getting redder.

“Uh Rainbow?” Sunset asked.

“Thanks, now I can go to bed.” Rainbow said. She grabbed Sunset and pulled her down into a cuddle.

Sunset Shimmer tried to struggle but Rainbow had her a tight grip on her. After realizing the futility she stopped struggling. She accepted the embrace and stayed with Rainbow the entire night.

Author's Note

Late nights after writing many essays and waking early to go to work, I finally found the inspiration I needed to write another story. With a bottle of Jack at my side I wondered what the mischievous Rainbow Dash would do if she drank what I was drinking. Then I thought what if it was the star athlete of Canterlot High. Eventually after I lost my mind, I came up with this.

I hope you enjoy.

Stay In School, Kids

A few days later when Rainbow Dash’s folks got home, Rainbow found herself coming home from practice to a note on the fridge. She couldn’t help but laugh as she read the note.

We know what you did. The evidence was all over the freezer.
Alcohol doesn’t freeze, but water does. Maybe you should focus in class.

Love,
Mom & Dad

P.S. Don’t ever try that again or you will have to deal with something worse than a hangover.

Author's Note

Based on a sorta true story. A friend did this and his parents called him stupid. It is stupid. Don't do this.