Simple Pony Writer

by Ponygon

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1145

Twilight communicates linguistic predicament unto Princess Celestia utilising extremely simplified thousand entry lexicon. Jinkies! Yarn's description adopts theme opposing Twilight's quandry.

Twilight communicates linguistic predicament unto Princess Celestia utilising extremely simplified thousand entry lexicon. Jinkies! Yarn's description adopts theme opposing Twilight's quandry.

Just a silly little challenge I set myself where I had to adhere to only two rules:

1. I could only use the 1000 most commonly used words as dictated by the XKCD Simple Writer program. If that program allows it, I can use it.
2. I'm allowed to swap out any human specific words for pony ones e.g. pony instead of person, hoof instead of hand.

Rated Teen for a small amount of swearing, because of course swear words are commonly used.

Published 2016-04-13 21:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-13 21:30:02 UTC

Hello Pony Leader...

Hello Pony Leader Sun End-Mark,

I am so sorry for the way I have started this letter, but something has gone very, very wrong. I can no longer say, read, or write a lot of words and names that I used to be able to, because of a special power force thing which just so happens to be one of the words I can no longer write. It goes without saying that I can no longer fix the problem and am stuck like this. I hope the fact that I have written this letter myself means you can know me by my hoof writing. Ha! Take that special power force thing—I went around you by writing the one word as two!

I wish I could stop writing this letter now and send to you as is, but as we both know, all our friend-making letters to you have to be at least ten hundred words long ever since that pony who owns the garden with many food trees wrote that letter saying she didn't learn anything at all. I find it strange that I cannot even name the thing that grows from her trees, although I can say that many of them are red and some are green. Right now, I feel like kicking her in the bottom right about now, but I guess it is not right to take it out on her; she didn't know her letter would come back to bite me in the end cheeks like this.

Pony Leader, if you could help me fix this problem, I would be very, very happy.

I've just counted and found out that I've only written four hundred less one words. Six hundred and one words to go.

It would be best if I told you how this all started, I guess. It all started when Many Colour Sky Light Bridge Rush asked me to only use simple words. She said I couldn't do it if I tried and, if I failed, I had to open a hole in my home so she wouldn't hit it when doing her special flying things. I told her that if I could, she would have to help me organise my book room store for a day. She agreed and that’s how it all started.

Later that day, I went to look in a few books for a special force power thing that could help me. I found one by that well known old pony with star in his name; the one I keep dressing up as on that one night every year when young ponies go out dressed up and ask for sweet things. He made it to stop himself from saying very bad words, which I think had something to do with a bad word box you made?

His special power force thing works by checking words a pony is about to say, or think, with words on a piece of paper and making that word appear red in that pony's mind. I changed it to use a page of the ten hundred most used words in all of this land, which I made myself from taking words from books and news paper with special power force, and counting number of times they appear. That way, I'd know which words not to use.

As you can see, it didn't go very well. The special power force thing has stopped me from saying the words rather than telling me which ones were not simple. Should have at least read the page to see what those ten hundred most used words were. Who knew that they would stop me from saying so much? Also, if I burn the paper, I won't be able to say anything at all. Why didn't I listen to three bright rock pony? It was a stupid thing to agree to.

Would you believe that I cannot even say the things that my friends are best known for? I can say pony with many food trees only says true things. I can just about say scared pony is kind, and happy pony can make other ponies laugh, but the best I can do with three bright rock pony is say that she's good and just. (My number one helper tells me that the book of many other words says that I can use, 'easy', but I don't think three bright rock pony would like me calling her that). I cannot even say what Many Colour Sky Light Bridge Rush is, except for a pain in the bottom. What does it say about our land that these are words that ponies don't use very much?

Nearly three hundred more words to go and I can finally be done with this.

I know you are a very busy Pony Leader with many country leaders to see, and important leader things to do, but if you could help in anyway, I would be very happy. If you could send some of your best special power force ponies to fix this problem, perhaps? Knowing how things usually are, the answer is probably here in my book store room. Three bright rock pony has tried to find an answer to this crazy thing, but I'm afraid she isn't good enough in special power force to know what half of the things written in these books mean. I can't be mad at her and I've tried my best to smile and be kind, but I must admit that I have been angry with her.

I feel so angry. Not even the children talk like this. They can at least say the name of the pony kind that has a sharp pointy bone sticking out of the forehead. No one says the Cat-Bird Land is full of cat-birds. I can't even say the name of the food you like the most, because not enough ponies talk about it, which just goes to show that the land does not make all its money from selling things to make your most liked food, or selling you your most liked food.

Now happy pony has started talking like this too. Somehow, she can spend a whole day talking like this and still do the things she needs to do. Seeing as she can't mention any of the things she makes at Sweet Stuff Box Corner, I find this really strange. I don't know how she's doing it, but if either one of us doesn't stop talking like this soon, I may lose my mind.

Please send help.

Your ever loving student,

Time when the sun hides behind the west, but still lets light show in the...

Oh fucking hell, I’m really tired of this shit! (Yes, those words managed to make it in). Please send some pony soon!

Author's Note

I had way too much fun writing this.