Behind the Scenesby Opium4TmassSChaptersMy Little MurderDeath is spelled with PoniesKilling with FriendshipForensics is MagicUnmarked Graves are filled with LoveMy Little MurderMy head pounded like a bass drum as the world around me erupted in flame. It wasn't the first time I'd been knocked unconscious. It wasn't even the first time I'd been knocked unconscious by a toon. It was, however, the first time I'd been knocked unconscious and chained to a large pipe in a warehouse outside of Vancouver. The handcuffs bit into my wrists as I struggled against them swearing loudly to whatever God might be listening. I tugged until I could feel the blood drip down my wrists against my hands when I felt something different below me. Heat. That heat soon combined with smoke and a sickening orange light that made its way up the far stairwell to my floor. "Son of a bitch," I muttered. The whole damn building was on fire. It wasn't long before the flames reached me, their appetite not sated the goods in the warehouse had decided that I, Leon Dawson, would make a wonderful meal. Slowly, the tongues of flame licked their way across the walls and floor to me as I continued to struggle against the cuffs. Yet the closer they came the thicker the air got and the more desperate my resolve. The warehouse groaned as chunks of debris fell about me. With a loud crash a pieces of rebar and mortar landed just within reach. I knew what I had to do and it was going to hurt. Quickly I grabbed the hot rock and screamed to the heavens. I clutched it tightly in my right hand and slammed it against my left with a sickening crunch. My stomach turned, pain shot through my hand as I raised the rock again and brought it down again on my fingers again and again. Each crack of the rock broke the bones in my fingers and hand until I could pull it free from the cuff. Each time I broke and rebroke my hand I cursed the name of the cartoon pony who got me into this mess. Twilight Sparkle. **** Toons I'd never been a big fan of them. However, when you're behind on your rent, your car is in hock and your ex-wife complains to the judge that you aren't paying her enough and he agrees, their checks cash as well as anybody's. When that toon just happens to be one of the biggest stars on one of the biggest shows in the world and one of her "handlers" asks you to come up to Vancouver on a ticket she's paying for you get on that plane. So here I am sitting in a pastel colored waiting room with knock off Picasso paintings hung on the wall and Old Mother Goose magazines, wondering why on Gods green earth am I being asked to come in for an interview from one of the executives for Hasbro. With my record being the way it is I would be the last person they would want for a job like this. My gut was sending me all kinds of warning signs. Signs I should have really listened to, but money or lack of kept me glued to the seat waiting to see whoever it was that sent me here to do some work on the My Little Pony show. My Little Pony is about six magical ponies that spread the magic of friendship all around, sing-songs and do a lot of hugging. A snowflake of good vibes wrapped in the pita bread of diabetic inducing cuteness served on the plate of feel-goodness. Glancing at myself in the mirror attached to one of the walls I saw Leon Dawson, the thin, unshaven private and public dick who has hair like J. Jonah Jamison and more miles on him than his age would indicate. He’s a man who isn’t a fan of cartoon shows and yet has protected the toons themselves. "Mr. Dawson," said a voice snapping me out of my thoughts, "You can go in now." It was a short walk as I was led by the friendly silent receptionist to my new employer's office. And to tell you the truth I was quite surprised. You would think that someone who worked with cartoons all day would have an office that reflected that. Morgues had more warmth that this place. It was metallic, it was sterile, it was the kind of place where people plotted world domination. In the middle, behind a desk sat my new boss Kelly Stiller. She was a young lawyer from Hasbro. She was a cute dame, her cloths were conservative but still showed a shapely figure nothing short of a potato sack could hide. She wore those thick wireframe glasses people usually bought to make themselves look smarter than they actually were in my book. I could also tell after five minutes of being with her that she didn't like me one bit, probably thinking of me as some thug with a gun and not a brain inside my head. Next to her stood a purple pony with wings and a horn, giving me a look that I should get a gold star for knowing how to use a door knob. Introducing herself as Twilight Sparkle. I could already tell we were all going to be good friends. Maybe go camping, make s'mores while we're their, as we sing "Row-your-Boat." "We have a problem." said Kelly handing me a plain manila folder. "And we.." I glared at the toon as she coughed harshly, barely covering the HA. "...I feel that you are the best man for the job." she said not missing a beat. I quickly glanced through the folder. It was a collection of letters growing more threatening and indecent as I looked at the next one. "How long has this been going on Mrs. Sparkle?" I asked. "That's Ms. Sparkle," she said with cool indignance as she lit up a cigarette, "call me Ms. Twilight Sparkle." "How about I call you sunshine, will that make you feel better," I snapped the long trip and her attitude was finally getting to me. "His name is Jason Schwartz and he's been stalking her since season one," said Kelly fanning herself to keep the smoke away, "At first he was harmless, sending letters to Twilight about how much he liked the show and things of that nature. Starting around season five it took a weird turn as he started getting more obsessive." "How," I asked. "What do they usually want Mr. Dawson?" said Twilight Sparkle as she blew her smoke in my face. "He wanted pictures of me in certain poses and dress. He demanded that I date him and when I refused he got angry. Like I was some pommel horse to be manhandled." "Death Threats?" "None yet." said Kelly letting the pause answer what she thought of how dangerous he thought this guy was. "I don't know why we can't just call the police and let them deal with it," griped Twilight before turning her attention back to me, "This guy is a fruitcake and the last thing I want is some third rate shamus following me around." "You're right, I can't imagine why anyone would want to off you." I could see The Princess of Friendship ready to tell me off again but stopped when Kelly held her hand up. "As tempting as that sounds I would still like to keep this contained. This is a kids show after all." "You sure he's not just some crazed brony? It takes all kinds to make a fandom," I said. As good as the money that was being offered I still found a desire to walk away from this. Let my buddy Jack take the job, he was a toon head after all. He would probably crap his pants if he could baby-sit this stuck-up pony. Twilight Sparkle blew a stream of smoke into my face again. Giving me a look reserved for something that crawled out of a sewer. I have to give credit for restraining myself from doing something that would have probably gotten me arrested. "Yes Mr. Dawson," Twilight said making my name sound like something dirty. "I am sure this is more than just some insane fan living in his basement who has spent too much time watching my show." "Indeed Dawson," said Ms. Stiller, "We feel he really wants Twilight Sparkle dead." "But why," I asked, "Who would want to kill a toon?" "You should know all about that." said Twilight Sparkle with a slight smile across her face knowing full well she scored a deep hit. Despite the investigation, the trial that was shown on Cartoon Network and The Hub, despite everything I was still considered a killer who got away scott free because of a broken justice system. I could see that this was a bad idea and I told her so by slamming the door on the way out. If it wasn't for Ms. Kelly offering me triple the amount to stay I would have been on the first flight back to California before she had time to call security. But honestly it still did ask a lot of questions. "Something doesn't add up in all of this. You're paying me a lot of money to watch over this toon. When I'm sure their are people closer and cheaper to do this, and just as good as me." "Don't call us that," snapped Twilight Sparkle, "Toon is a degrading word to us." "Would spoiled be a better term?" I said letting my irritation get the better of me. "I didn't ask for you Mr. Dawson. Let's be clear on that. If it wasn't for the execs at Hasbro you would still be looking for a job at McDonalds," said Twilight Sparkle sneering at me. "I read what you did and you can trust me when I say that you are the last person who I want to be protecting me." I could feel my temper getting the best of me again, as this damn toon pony telling me off as to what I can and cannot say. I was about to give her a piece of my mind. When Stiller held her hand up reminding me of the money. For better or worst I was stuck with Twilight Sparkle for awhile. Following them both as I let them lead me into Equestria. Death is spelled with PoniesRiding with a grumbling pony giving me the evil eye was no fun as we entered the fuzzy world of Equestria where the magic of My Little Pony is filmed. I don't have to tell you I already felt the need for an insulin shot as we passed through a tunnel separating the rest of Vancouver from it. "Oh my god," I muttered to myself as she parked the car. "I must have died and gone to saccharine hell." We followed Kelly through a maze of colorful landscapes, film equipment and stages watching toons and people work round the clock on a show. It had all the bells and whistles you expect. Directors, cameramen, sound editors, caterers, hangers-on. Felt like a goddamn circus and I was the clown. However, it was my job and I'd play the part to the best of my ability and keep that purple punk safe. The next two weeks were C-SPAN procedural vote boring. Watching Twilight run through her scenes with other ponies whose name and faces I couldn't bother to remember, could have been the cure for insomnia. Jumbling into a technicolor blur of colors.The one thing that stood out during those two weeks was how the Princess of Friendship on the show did not translate to the real world. As soon as the director yelled that's a wrap with her scene. She would march back to her trailer without a word to anyone. I could tell her fellow actresses weren't going to shed any tears for her when she wasn't on the set. More than once security was called to break up a squabble between the co-stars. The only time peace would be restored on set was when they weren't there and were busy doing whatever cartoon ponies do. Eat hay I suppose. During those two weeks I often found myself lingering on set when Twilight went to her trailer. She'd made it perfectly clear that I wasn't needed there on the first day and slammed the door in my face. Still, I kept my eyes and ears open for anything suspicious. Suddenly a loud crash followed by a string of profanity echoed through set. I quickly ran toward the sounds unsure if it was the dreaded Schwartz or something else. When I finally got to the scene I could see a small yellow pegasus whipping odds and ends at a large, weird dragon thing. "Get the hell away from me before I call security," she screamed. "Calm down both of you," begged the pony in the middle nervously, "Now is not the time for this. Security has caught wind of some Equestria Daily people sniffing around for a story. We don't need to give them yet another 'Fluttershy and Discord Duke it Out on Set' story do we?" "Well tell Discord that the restraining order is still in effect.," said Fluttershy to the pleading pony before bellowing at Discord, "Two hundred feet away unless we're in a scene together!" "And you can explain why you didn't let me have our daughter for the weekend as we agreed," the dragon-thingy yelled back. "I have a court order for that as well." "She didn't want to be with someone who, and I quote, '...is more interested in chasing pony plot than being with his daughter.' so I cancelled it. What's the matter? Didn't want Jingle catching you in bed again with, who are you sleeping with now? Sunset Shimmer? Tree Hugger? Starlight Glimmer I bet." "That's a load of horseshi...." "Enough!" screamed the pony in the middle finally losing her patience, "both of you can either go to your trailers right now until we figure out what we are going to do. Or I will have security escort the two of you off Equestria and you can explain to our bosses why that happened." Discord and Fluttershy glared at the bright blue pony. Their gazes fixed on her like those of ravenous wolves on a tethered sheep. Yet, the pony remained unfazed by the venomous looks cast her way. "Don't think I won't," she said curtly and leaned in so close that the breaths of the pair before her caused her white mane to tremble. After what felt like an eternity Fluttershy relented and broke her gaze with the blue pony. "You know where to find me," she finally said coolly before glancing back at Discord and spitting out a, "With MY daughter." Discord narrowed his eyes but didn't fall for the bait and instead silently stomped toward me. His shoulder bumped into mine in what some what have considered forceful, but didn't move me much. As he brushed by I noticed an odd color on his left hip. "You got some paint on you." I said causing him to turn back to me. "What," he asked. "On your hip." "Oh!" said Discord looking down. "I um had to stop by animation earlier for a touch up, must have bumped into something there." Then without further ado he continued on his way even quicker than before but, less angry. "Sorry you had to see that," said the blue pony with a sigh. "They really do love each other despite what it looks like, which I guess makes them able to hurt each other more. Notwithstanding what my boss said Discord is really a good guy. "Good guy huh," I asked, "I'm sure someone in animation must think so considering the location of that paint." "He just makes bad choices. That doesn't make him bad," said the blue pony quickly "So what happened to them?" I asked. "They met during the beginning shoots for season one. He was being cast to be as the main villain for the season two opener you know. One thing led to another. Before we knew it they were married and all before he'd even said his first line at the start of the second season." "Well, that's something Miss," I said leaning toward the blue pony. "Oh, Candy Shell." Before I could properly introduce myself, she immediately began talking about the show, Fluttershy, Discord and all parts in between. I nodded along politely before I felt my focus begin to drift. "I'm sorry Candy Shell," I said as I watched some techs working on one exterior castle sets, "I don't watch the show. I'm only here because they're paying me to be here." "Oh? Are you one of those anti-bronies I heard so much about?" she asked. "I'm anti a lot of things," I began, "but since I don't even know what a brony is. I can't say I know what the opposite of that is." "Well when I moved here I was given a lecture by Hasbro about the anti-brony group that reside in Vancouver. They can be pretty nasty to us cartoons. I haven't personally seen what they can do but I've heard stories. "Such as?" "You know," said Candy Shell, "melting ponies in vats of paint thinner. Stuff like that." "Sounds brutal." Candy Shall nodded as an involuntary shiver went through her. "We thought that was what happened to Cinnamon Swirl." "Who?" "One of the many mistakes Discord made," Candy Shell paused, "We thought Fluttershy had gotten hold of some of those anti-bronies and had her, well you know." "Sounds like I should probably steer clear of Fluttershy then." "Oh," Candy Shell waved her forehooves, "Fluttershy didn't have her melted. Just fired. Cinnamon Swirl is working at a Tim Hortons now. That said though, she did let the rumor persist." "Fluttershy can be pretty vindictive when she wants to be." "Well when you find someone you love in bed with someone else how would you feel?" said Candy Shell. "Hopefully she will learn her lesson about staying away from other ponies property." "Really," I muttered, "If that's what you think of Fluttershy, what do you think of Twilight Sparkle?" Candy Shell blanched. Her eyes darted about as if she was half expecting somebody to come out of the shadows and nab her, "Why look at the time. I-I really should be going. Fluttershy probably wants her iced coffee and and and it was good talking with you whoever you are." "Leon," I said leaning toward the pony, "and she can't be that bad. Cold and spoiled I'll give you, but nothing that can be that scary." "She's had every assistant fired, often for the smallest offense. She's the reason why two of our best writers left the show and why Ms. Faust, the creator, was let go. Twilght Sparkle is the devil." "How is she towards the other?" "They pretty much stick to themselves mostly. Although Rainbow Dash was the one trying the hardest to keep the group together. That is until she discovered the nightlife of Vancouver, I am surprised how she is able to party all night and still be on set when the sun rolls around. I really have to go Mr. Leon. Please don't tell anypony I told you about any of this!" I drew an x over my chest and raised my right hand, "Scouts honor." Candy Shell smiled and thanked me before hurrying off. I watched her as she ran off and sighed. "Thank God the checks clear," I muttered to myself as I slowly walked back toward the general vicinity of Twilight Sparkle's trailer. I let what she told me sink in and roll around my head. They needed to be analyzed word for word for anything that could be helpful But now wasn't the time. "Thank you for your help Candyshell. You better head over to Fluttershy before things get worse for you." Candyshell let out a small sigh over the thought of what was going to happen later on. "Fluttershy can be quick to get angry, but she's even quicker to forgive. Hopefully she will understand why I did what I had to do for her." "I'm sure she will," I said watching her go as I was deciding if I could sneak away to get myself something to drink. "Got a light?" asked a voice from behind me. "You will be a brunette with large breasts and legs that go all the way up," I said out loud. "What?" I turned and saw a pink pony eyeing me from next to one of the costume racks. Her hair looked similar to chewed up watermelon bubblicious gum. Quickly I surmised who it was. "Pinkie Pie right?" "You got it. You must have been one heck of a cop back in the day," she replied evenly without much in the way of feeling. "How'd you know I was a cop?" Pinkie shrugged, "It's in the way you stand, your haircut. Heck if I didn't know Twilight had hired you I'd figure you were trying to do some undercover work." "What would I find if I was?" "Dunno," she said as she stepped closer, "So, got a light?" I offered up my Zippo as she pulled out a Lucky and lit it before bumming a smoke off of her as well. I lit my cigarette while she inhaled it deeply, like it was the only thing she'd ever wanted, yet there was no joy in her face. Never once did she smile as she took drag after drag on her cigarette. "Don't have to worry about lung cancer I take it," I asked sarcastically. "One of the benefits of being an animation," said Pinkie drily, "I can pretty much do whatever I want and bounce back from it. Well, except for type casting. Nobody bounces back from that so easily." It turned out that Pinkie Pie had been a serious actress once. She'd studied acting at the Lee Strasberg Institute and followed that up with several successful dramatic roles in plays like Death of a Salesman and Wait Until Dark. It wasn't long before the small screen took notice and in an effort to widen her appeal took on a role at, My Little Pony. "Who knew it would be such a huge hit," she muttered as she stamped out the butt of her cigarette, "I certainly didn't. If I did I'd have asked for more money and a character that isn't a sugar addicted ADHD nutcase." I'm sure somebody did," I said with a shrug," Someone always seems to know." "Yeah well, this show's killed my career," muttered Pinkie Pie with a sigh, "Last year I landed the role of a forensic examiner on a show called Whispers of the Dead. I'd studied for that role for months. Do you have any idea what the face of someone who drops their cell phone while texting then gets into a head on collision at seventy kilometers per hour looks like?" "Yeah, I do." "So do I," said Pinkie Pie, "And the moment I show up on screen some A-hole in the test audience shouts, 'Look it's Pinkie Pie,' and then the jokes started. Before I knew it I was canned and recast." "Sorry to hear that." "Eh it could be worse. I could be stuck doing that cartoon porn crap that fills the internet. How any of them make any money is beyond me." Pinkie Pie cast a sidelong glance at me before turning her head to look at me fully, "You look familiar." No I don't," I grumbled. "Yeah you do," she said eying me, "Wait a second. You're Leon Dawson. The Cartoon Killer Leon Dawson." I grumbled audibly as I walked away from the pink pony who was now in hot pursuit. She began to pepper me with questions about the case and the trial. Each question grated on my nerves more and more until finally I couldn't take anymore. "Look I spent almost two years of my life behind one set of bars or another. Thanks to that damn trial and the bullshit around it I lost my job, my pension and my wife split with most of my money. Even though there were three toons on that jury and I was acquitted I get the cold shoulder or worse from you guys. Frankly, it's ruined my life, but when I did it damn it I know I saved someone. Doesn't that count for anything?" Pinkie Pie fell silent for awhile her eyes twitching back and forth as she tried to figure out what to say next. Finally she said in her usual even tone, "I'm sorry Dawson. I didn't know. It was just such a big deal for us, especially since some of us knew the pony you put down." "Licorice Whip." "Yeah her," Pinkie Pie said quietly before saying, "Tell you what, I'm going to help you out. Got any questions about what's going on around here. I can probably answer them and if not I know who can." "You wanna help? Fine. Tell me about Jason Schwartz." "Twilight's biggest fan and newest stalker?" "Yeah." "Eh, not much to tell. I mean I'm sure you got a file on him from what's her name." "Tell me what's not in the file." Pinkie Pie shrugged, "Jason Schwartz is just a creeper. He fixated on Twilight and kept sending her love letters, pictures, notes and all the usual crap. He's kind of cute in that lost in the weeds puppy dog that doesn't understand what no is sort of way." "So you've seen him before?" "Only when he's been dragged out of here." "Do you think he's as dangerous as they fear?" Pinkie Pie glared at me then rolled her eyes, "Well, I wouldn't leave him in a room of brightly colored ponies with his pants off if that's what you mean. Honestly, what's most off putting is that he keeps getting in and security hasn't figured out how that's possible." "Do you think he wants to kill her?" "Oh detective," said Pinkie Pie with a small smile, "Who doesn't?" In an instant that marble look returned as she stared at me for a few moments. It seemed contemplative but, whether it was because of something she'd said or something I'd said I wasn't sure. "Well, I need to get back to my trailer and get ready for the next scene," she said signaling that this discussion was over. "Good luck protecting Twilight," she said as she turned away and started walking toward her trailer before shouting back to me, "There are two things you need to be mindful of around here Dawson." "What's that?" Keep your eyes open for the proper clearance badges and your ears open to the rumors that are floating around here," stated Pinkie, "Loose lips and all that." "Yeah," I muttered before uttering a curse under my breath and dropped the smoldering butt of my cigarette to the floor. I hadn't taken a drag since I lit the damned thing. I threw the butt on the floor and crunched it under my shoe and let the janitors clean it up. I had a client to watch over and her break was almost up. I flanked Twilight as she made her way to the set with Kelly. The two of them continued to discuss some business matters that I wasn't a part of. I kept my eyes open as best as I could and scanned the area but, found myself distracted by the conversations I'd had earlier that day with both Pinkie Pie and Candy Shell. Petty dramas and jealousies between actors wasn't anything new. Heck, obsessed fans weren't anything knew either and yet, something about this situation felt off. It was then I felt it. That thing that crawls down deep into your stomach and gives it a good twist and makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Something was very wrong. I looked up and slowly began scanning the set and stage hands closely for familiar faces and badges. Slowly my eyes wandered over toward one of the forest backdrops. It was there I saw him, Jason Schwartz, in all his glory. He was a thin man pale man in a black hoodie and black jeans. He was a shadow among shadows. The consummate wallflower. Only this wallflower could be poisonous. Slowly he turned in my direction and I could see that under his hoodie was a T-shirt featuring the rainbow maned member of the cast and that tucked in his waistband was something long and possibly sharp. "Ah hell," I muttered as I looked away from him and toward Kelly. I've never liked to rub shoulders with lawyers but as I leaned in and muttered that I needed to get a sandwich, the look she gave me confirmed my general disdain. "She'll be fine for the next five minutes, I promise." I nonchalantly made my way around the various crew members and set pieces. I glanced over at Schwartz, his attention was completely on Twilight as she continued to chat with Ms. Stiller completely unaware. I slowly changed the course of my walk and made a bee line toward the stalker until I was a few feet behind him. He was shorter than me and as I looked over his shoulder I could tell he had something in his hand. Whether it was a note or a picture I couldn't say but I tapped him on the shoulder anyway and asked, "So is looking at the stars fun?" "What?" "Got a security pass kiddo?" "Oh yeah," he said reaching toward his waistband. "Nice boys don't play with sharp things you know." "Well I guess I'm half nice," he said with a smirk. Then, in a move of surprising speed he closed the distance and sucker punched me in the gut and pulled away awkwardly and stumbled over his feet to the floor. Yet as soon his ass hit the floor he was up and ran directly toward the now aware Twilight Sparkle. The punch staggered me for a moment, but not long enough to keep me down. I was in hot pursuit and as I caught up to him I could see just over his shoulder the face of Twilight Sparkle. Her eyes wide with shock and fear as the two of us closed in on her. I reached out and grabbed his hood yanking him backward toward me the piece of paper that was in his hand went airborne as he tumbled back into my chest. Schwartz growled and spun toward me. His right hand now clenched in a fist. He swung wildly and missed catching my shoulder as he found his way to the floor once again. Quickly I moved in behind him and wrapped my arm firmly around his neck my elbow pointing straight down then clasped my free should with the same arm I had wrapped around his neck. Finally, I pushed his head forward shrugged my shoulders up. It wasn't long before Schwartz kicked less and less and eventually stopped moving all together. "Somebody get those fat ass rent a cops over here and maybe a few real officers while your at it. I can do this all day but he can't." As I held Schwartz in the choke hold I looked over at Twilight Sparkle. Her eyes were as big as saucers and her mouth hung open. Whenever he twitched she took another half step back trembling. "You don't have to worry. He's not going to take another step toward you," I said calmly. I didn't let him go until security along with a couple of Mounties showed up to haul his sorry butt away. "Oh man. For a little guy he could throw a punch. I'll probably pee blood tonight," I said picking up the piece of paper, "I wonder what this is." Kelly quickly grabbed the piece of paper from me. It quickly tore in my hand as she looked at her portion of it. "Hey there grabby hands whatever happened to please," I growled. "Fruitcake," Kelly muttered as she crumpled up the paper, "He broke in just to try to give her another stupid picture from the internet." "I see," I said pocketing my piece of the picture, "Lot of work to break into a place with a sharpened screwdriver just to deliver a picture." "Like I said fruitcake." I rolled my eyes and looked over at Schwartz's apparent target, Twilight Sparkle. She sat curled up in a ball off to the side her face buried in her forelegs. When she did finally manage to look up she stared off into nothingness and at the nobody who came by to console her. It was a look I'd seen a number of times while I was on the force and one I'd worn while on trial. It was hopelessness. In that moment I realized something was truly rotten in Equestria. Whatever it was I was going to figure it out. Killing with FriendshipThe paparazzi’s flashbulbs brightened the dimly lit, “off stage area” as Twilight and Kelly along with an army of rent-a-cops tried desperately to make their way to her trailer. As the crowd slowly made its way, the din of questions posed to the purple pony echoed through the surrounding area. Each question made her more frantic until she was practically pushing her way through her own security muttering what looked like, “Move,” repeatedly. In spite of the wrestling match with her stalker, a match that ended up in his arrest, the purple pony still did her best to distance from me by having the rent-a-cops wave me off. It was just as well. Why change our “working” relationship now? Besides, I needed a drink. After two weeks of wandering around Equestria and the show’s set I’d have thought that I could find my way out of here. Sadly, it wasn’t long before I found myself lost in a sea of trailers and what could only be described as set pieces. As I stood there trying to figure out where to go next my pocket began to vibrate. I reached in and pulled out my cell and answered it without checking the number. The voice on the end was familiar gravelly one, “Leon Dawson you scrawny son of a bitch. Why didn’t you tell me you were in Vancouver?” “Tom,” I said quietly, “How’s it going?” Tom Ackerman was a fat bald man who would probably burst into flames if left in the sun for too long and had a penchant for beer and hockey. Some might say that made him a typical Canadian but being I didn’t know that many Canadians I just looked at it as him having good taste. We’d met at a summit that was meant to further our understanding as to how to better enforce laws meant to protect cartoon characters from violence and exploitation. While the conference itself was less than memorable and didn’t go over any new information, the bar crawl afterward was the stuff of legend. If there was one man I wanted at my back in a dark alley it was Tom. “Fine,” said Tom with a chuckle, “I see you’ve gotten into a bit of a scrap on that set over there.” “Yeah well, he had it coming.” “They all do,” replied Tom with a cough as he audibly flipped through some papers, “Well, at least you saved the princess. What do you think they’ll charge him with?” “Assault, carrying a concealed weapon, maybe some stalking charges or some other violations depending on what all you have up here.” “Sounds about normal for Jason Schwartz.” “What do you mean?” Tom detailed a short but notable list of charges that had been brought against Schwartz. Drunk and disorderly popped up a few times as did some assault charges on toons that had been dropped for one reason or another. The last time was at some cartoon strip club named The Animatic with one of the dancers, someone called Jade Lavender who bore a strong resemblance to the current cartoon pony who I’d saved earlier in the day. “So how does he keep getting the charges dropped if he’s such a bad boy?” “I don’t know what the real reason was but, if I had to figure someone leaned on the right people to get them dropped for him.” I sighed audibly and looked at my watch, “Is he still in processing?” “Yeah, they’ll probably run him in front of the night judge and we’ll see what happens from there.” “Think he’ll post bail?” “Likely.” “Well fuck,” I muttered, “Looks like I’ll be here a bit longer.” “Hey we should get a round while you’re still up here schedule permitting I mean.” “Yeah, keep me posted on Schwartz,” I said before we said our goodbyes and I hung up. I’d just pocketed my phone when a familiar voice with a slight southern drawl shouted “Hey you!" I turned and saw the now familiar orange pony walking my way with some vapid blonde surfer guy. Her name was Applejack and I had no idea what his name was. I had seen her on set usually with her hooves around whoever her latest boy toy was. The arm candy wasn’t the only thing she had with her though. Applejack liked her jewelry and her fancy robes. Today it looked like pearls and Chinese silk was the order of the day. “Natori,” I asked pointing at the robe. "Why yes it is," she said. "How did you know?" "Eh, my ex liked expensive things,” I said with a shrug, “Even the clearance section was expensive." “If you like expensive robes you should see the Chinti and Parker I have in the closet,” she said as she nudged her lover, “Raul.” "My name is Richard." "That's nice Raul I want you to head back to the trailer for a bit, me and Leon here need to have a talk." "Dinner conversation isn't a high priority for you," I said watching her conquest obediently walk back to her place. "I’m more interested in the after dinner calisthenics myself," she shot back. "Besides everyone in Equestria knows so why bother hiding it," she said watching him walk away. “Worst kept secret in Equestria.” Applejack turned to me with a sigh, "As beautiful as he is, I truly hope that one day I'll find someone who can last more than five minutes and not play video games right after." "It’s nice to have dreams,” I began, “but I'm sure you didn't just call me here to brag about who you're sleeping with." "True. I just," she said organizing her thoughts, "it’s hard to explain...what do you think of us, specifically Twilight." "I think of she's a typical spoiled starlight. She doesn't like me and I don't much care for her. However, her check cashes so it’s a win-win for both of us," I said, "From what I've seen everyone is here just for a paycheck, no one really likes each other, bordering on outright hatred." "And you would be correct in that. I'm surprised we have kept this a secret for as long as we have, or that it hasn't torn the show apart yet," Applejack said looking down sadly. "It wasn't always like this, when we started we all believed in it, everyone cared about 'My Little Pony'." "I guess we all change over time," I said. "Not like this. When Lauren Faust was around she was an entirely different pony," said Applejack, pausing in thought. "Come to think of it we all were different ponies." "Who?" "She was the one who created us, well her and DHX did but she was the force behind it. Twilight looked to her like she was her mother. The two were inseparable. After she left the show and with what happened between her and Trixie we're not the same as we used to be and it’s getting worse." "You know," I said with a smirk, “psychiatrists sometimes offer discount rates if you all go in together.” "Less sass and more listening," she said with a scowl, "This isn’t right, none of this is right. I remember Christmas a few years ago when Twilight funded a charity food drive for homeless families to visit Equestria and meet their favorite characters for a holiday dinner. Now she screams and calls me a bitch if I forget my lines, the others aren't much better. Pinkie and Rarity don't even hide the fact that they hate the show and are looking for a way out. Rainbow Dash is usually busy clubbing and trying to put anything and everything up her nose. Fluttershy is a walking ball of anger and resentment. I look around and I wonder what went wrong.” “I don’t know. I haven’t been here that long. I’d tell you if I could,” I said dropping the snark, "You mentioned a Trixie? Who’s she?" "The two met when they were reading for the main character of the show," said Applejack. "They were inseparable until season three when they had a huge falling out, something happened that not only got her fired she got kicked out of Equestria as well. She now works at some club called Animatic." "Applejack," shouted Richard leaning halfway out of the door. He was still shirtless and I had a feeling he was without pants now too. For some reason he was now chewing gum and staring at us with the same dazed look that cows get while chewing cud. I had a feeling any moment he would start to moo. "What," screamed Applejack. "The sheets are all sticky from yesterday." "Well then why don't you grab a fresh set from the closet then and change them," she said in annoyance rolling her eyes. I started to say something when Richard popped his head out of the trailer yet again. As if on cue Applejack shouted, “The one next to the bed.” "Oh, he’s a keeper,” I said before returning to the previous subject, “So you’re saying someone is behind all of this.” "Hell I don't know. It seems silly when you say it. It’s as if some dark force is behind the scenes, intentionally sabotaging everything, hell bent on destroying a children’s show. Yet, Equestria has become an ugly place and despite all of this I still care about all of them,” Applejack sighed quietly, “Even if they don't care about me anymore.” Her eyes became overcast and threatened rain. I was never good at helping folks out with their feelings, but I didn't want to leave her alone either. Slowly, I sat down next to her and looked her dead in the eye. “If what you’re saying is true, what would their endgame be?” "Maybe get rid of us,” she said quietly, “Create enough hostility so that the show collapses within itself. I don’t know." "Then do what with a cancelled show?" Applejack wiped her eyes as she glanced about. Unsure what to say I reached into my one of my pocket and pulled out a crushed pack of cigarettes, “Sorry, I guess I’m not any good at this sort of thing.” “Well, you tried,” she said quietly, “That counts for something.” The silence thickened as neither of us could look at the other. Finally Applejack cleared her throat and swished her tail some signaling that she was ready to go. “I’d better get going,” she said in her normal volume, “Raul….” "Richard," he shouted from her trailer. "Whatever," she shot back at the trailer before muttering, “Pain in the ass.” “Well, maybe the next one will be named Raul,” I said standing up. “Maybe,” she said, “And maybe you’re right. Maybe they all did change and I just didn’t notice it. Doesn’t mean they can’t change back though right?” “Well, I guess it doesn’t hurt to hold on to hope,” I said with a shrug, “Even if it is just a part of you.” She smiled up at me. It was the first genuine smile I’d seen in my two weeks there. “Well, if you want to talk about that or anything else at all or for any reason really anytime,” she said as she walked behind me and swatted me on the ass, “I’m a good listener.” My face darkened immediately as I took half a step away from her, “Oh,” I began, “Well, see I have a thing I have to do. Reports and what not about the incident. So, as tempting of an offer as it is I’m afraid I have to decline.” “Some other time then?” My lips said yes, but my mind said no. Yet, as I looked into her eyes there seemed to be a spark. Something beyond the booze and meaningless sex that had taken up the better part of her time since things had started going downhill on the show. Before I left she asked me to think about what we’d talked about in possibly vain hope that the wrong things could be made right again. **** The Princeton Pub was quiet that night but, that suited me just fine. Somewhere between shot five and fifteen I found myself chasing my own dark entities and thinking about what could have been. I sighed quietly and reached for my lighter, forgetting that my cigarettes were sitting at the bottom of a waste basket back on the set. As I fished around for it my fingers touched the torn piece of photo that rested in my pocket. Slowly, I pulled it out and looked at what was on it. From what I could tell it was a picture of Twilight Sparkle at what looked like some tropical vacation resort. Next to her with his arm around her was part of some young guy who, unsurprisingly, I’d never seen before. It was unusual to see Twilight so blissfully happy. It was almost as if she were in love. “Just what makes you so special,” I said to the photo before I got up and staggered out to a waiting cab. I don’t remember when it was I got back to my hotel room. Heck, I didn’t even remember crawling into bed. The one thing that I did know was that the pounding I felt in my head was in rhythm with the pounding coming from the door of my room. Slowly I peeled back an eyelid and shouted at the door, “Go away. I’m-I’m trying to kick Jack Daniels out but he’s being a bastard!” “Damn it Leon,” shouted Tom from the other side of the door, “Get your ass up. There’s trouble brewing.” I crawled out of bed every fiber of my being cursing at me for even bothering to get up. Eventually my crawl became a stagger as I got to the door and opened it, “The Hell do you want at this ungodly hour of, “I looked at the clock across the street, “Eleven in the morning.” “Jesus Leon are you drunk,” asked Tom. “No,” I said flatly, “I was drunk. Now I’m hung over.” “Well, you’d better get some clothes on and come with me.” “Why,” I said shielding my eyes from the sun, “What did I do?” “You asked me to keep you informed on what Jason Schwartz was up to,” said Tom flatly, “Well, I tried calling you but you didn’t answer. So I asked the studio and your purple friend where you were holed up and so here I am to inform you.” “Oh for the love of God,” I muttered, “Let me guess he made bail and did something stupid.” “You could say that,” said Tom, “He’s been murdered.” Forensics is Magic“What in the hell do you call this,” I said to Tom as my face twisted in disgust. “Well, it’s called a crime scene,” replied Tom, “I know for a fact you have them in L.A.” “I’m not talking about that,” I said holding up the small cup of burnt, overly sweetened, room temperature coffee, “I mean this monstrosity right here.” “Those who are late to the scene don’t get good coffee.” “I think this counts as police brutality,” I muttered pulling a couple of aspirin from my pocket and swallowing them with the aid of the foul beverage, “I could sue.” “Oh, grow up.” “Yes, mom,” I said sarcastically and I dumped the cup and the remainder of its contents on the ground. By the time we’d arrived to the scene the investigation was well under way. Photographs of the body and the surrounding area were being snapped. CCTV images were being downloaded and anything of the most remote interest was tagged and bagged. There was a part of me that missed being the lead investigator on a crime scene. It was a large puzzle and I’d always enjoyed puzzles. Unfortunately though, this type of puzzle had real world consequences and not just for the victim. “Oh Jason,” I muttered as I knelt just beyond the tape, peering at the body, “What did you get yourself into?” “Nothing good that’s for sure,” responded Tom. "Who discovered the body?" I asked Ackerman. "The body was found around seven in the morning by a..." I watched him forget the names and reach for his notebook. Funny, he never was good with that, "…Princess Celestia and Princess Luna." "Why were they there," I asked as I watched the techies work. ."Doing there morning workout, the two always get up early for their usual routine of a morning run around Canterlot, followed by some yoga." "Where are they right now? Have you ruled them out as suspects," I asked. "For the most part. Right now they’re being interviewed by Kilmer in one of the offices. The white one was pretty shaken up by the whole thing. She made the call." "And the dark one?" "Well, she was disappointed when we stopped her from poking Schwartz’s corpse with a stick," he said with a frown. I rolled my eyes. From what I could tell Luna had always been interested in the macabre. More than once while I’d been on set she’d tried to get me to watch Faces of Death with her. Considering the fact that in my previous job I’d seen a fair amount of the real thing I’d declined. As I stood up I asked, “So, how did he die?” “The victim died by asphyxiation caused by strangulation, “Tom pointed at Schwartz’s neck, “You can see the bruising and lacerations from here. Whoever did it used a cord as a ligature.” “Nasty way to go,” I paused and cast a side long glance at Tom, “Why are we discussing this like I’m part of the investigation?” “Because there’s more and…” Tom scratched the back of his head, “most of these guys aren’t used to dealing with animation crime. I mean, we get a lot of low end stuff but, nothing like this.” “Okay,” I said quietly, “So why are you so sure a toon did it? “We found paint on the ends of the ligature.” “What color?” “Initial tests identify it as…” he flipped through his notes briefly and continued, “… number A46BBD red 164, green 107, blue 189. In layman’s terms a nice shade of lavender. Know anybody who’s that shade?” “Maybe,” I said flatly, “What do the deeper tests say? What about prints? Were you able to lift those?” Tom’s face scrunched up as he closed his notebook, “The prints were smudged beyond use and it will be a couple of days before we get the deeper tests back.” “So,” I began, “You’re fishing. Sorry but I….” “Oh you poor fragile little dears,” cried out a familiar voice along with the sound of galloping hooves. I turned just in time to see the barrel of a large white equine crash into me and knock me to the ground. It was Princess Celesita. She was kind if a bit overly dramatic. She continued to repeat how fragile we were and how sorry she was for what had happened. She wrapped her forelegs and wings about me tightly. Her embrace was such that it was almost impossible to breathe. I tapped her repeatedly but she just hugged tighter. “Don’t you worry! My sister and I will never allow anything like this to happen again.” Panic set in as I tried to squirm but, it wasn’t long before it became clear that there was no way I could escape the alicorn’s embrace. Sound soon disappeared. The world slowly faded to black and for a moment I thought I could see a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. It wasn’t until I started feeling something poking me in the ribs that the first painful gasp of air entered my lungs and the world faded back into view. “You’re not as much fun to poke as the other guy,” said Luna as she looked down at me, stick in hoof, “He was squishier even if he was thinner than you When their finished can I go back to him?” “Alright back off,” shouted Tom as he and a few of the other officers ushered the dark princess back. He turned and pointed at a young female officer and shouted, “Kilmer get these two princesses out of here now! I don’t care how much they protest just get them the hell out!” I laid quietly and watched as the protesting princesses were escorted from the crime scene. Tom stood over me and shook his head muttering to himself before finally addressing me and offering me a hand up, “I’m so sorry Leon. Jesus, they can be handful can’t they?” “A handful,” I growled, “I’m hung over. All I wanted was a good cup of coffee and to get past this headache and now I think I have two cracked ribs, an employer who hates my guts and cartoon ponies that run the gamut of angry to perverse. Handful is not the operative word I would use!” “Let’s get you that coffee okay,” said Tom smiling apologetically as he walked me to his car, “I’ll fill you in on the rest.” I groaned. **** There are few pleasures in this world like a good cup of coffee. The heat, the rich aroma and flavor that sit on your tongue and fill you with a warmth that you know you’ve needed even before you woke up. This time around a couple of donuts were thrown in as well! I drank my coffee as Tom filled me in on some of the other details and evidence found at the scene. He said that CCTV showed that, once again he had made his way into Canterlot and that he’d paced around for a few minutes while talking on the phone. According to Tom, Jason seemed nervous and eventually angry about something. Unfortunately the video footage was of such a poor quality that it would take forensics awhile to see what else was on it. “Let me guess,” I said as I bit into one of my donuts, “He was killed in a blind spot.” “It would seem so.” I sipped my coffee and looked at Tom, “So how did he manage to post bail? I mean, from what it seemed he wasn’t exactly gainfully employed and the judge would have placed a rather steep bond.” Tom lowered his head, “I don’t know. He just managed to do it. Maybe he had some help. We’ll have to subpoena his bank records, phone records and all of that good stuff.” “You’ve got some other problems as well.” Tom raised his gaze, “Such as?” “Well, you have a murder that seems to have been committed by a toon within the realm of toons. It’s a first. You have a former officer who got into a scuffle with the victim the day before, who is the same guy who fatally shot a toon a few years back. On top of all of that you have evidence that, even if you’re not saying it, leads to the possible arrest of one of the most beloved animated characters in the past twenty years. You’re going to get pressure and pain in places you didn’t know existed.” Tom’s face blanched as I spoke. “Jesus.” “But I’ll tell you what,” I said as I finished my coffee, “I can help alleviate some of that pressure if you take me to see my employer.” “Twilight Sparkle? What makes you think that she’ll talk to you?” I smiled. “Eventually she’s not going to have much of a choice.” **** Twilight Sparkle’s home was in Shaughnessy, one of the wealthier areas of Vancouver. The large stone mansion located on Angus Drive sat back a little from the road on a driveway that split partly heading to the back while the other pulled around in front of the house behind several trees and decorative shrubs. For added security, a wrought iron gate built into a stone wall encircled the property as well. I whistled as we pulled into the driveway. “Not bad. It looks like the pony show pays well.” We passed by two squad cars who were on their way out. Tom flashed his lights stopping them as he pulled up next to them. "Anything," he asked to the cop in the lead car. "Not much. Her lawyer, a Miss Stiller was there from the start, she didn't give us much room to work with and denied us a paint sample." "We’ll probably have to get a subpoena," replied Tom. “Well,” I said with a sigh and opened the passenger side door, “You two talk it out. I’m going in.” “Don’t want me to come in with you eh?” “Not if we want to get anywhere in this case,” I said wryly, “We’ll talk later.” Luckily for me the door to Twilight’s home was unlocked and swung open with ease revealing a world of opulence that few could hope to achieve. In some respects the inside was like a well organized museum filled with vases and pictures that you wanted to touch. Some of them even looked vaguely familiar, not that I could really place them. I wound my way into what I figured was the living room following the thin cloud of smoke to its ultimate source. The crushed butts of numerous cigarettes were crammed into a crystal ashtray as the purple pony paced through her living room muttering incoherently to herself. Stiller sat perched on an overly stuffed sofa fanning the smoke away from her face as she watched the starlet tick through her emotional checklist. I could have stood in the entry way to that living room all day and I don’t think either one of them would have noticed me. So I knocked on the nicotine stained wall as loudly as I could. Twilight Sparkle froze in place as Kelly turned her head in my direction. “You know for someone who has a stalker after her you might want to consider locking the front door,” I said feigning absent mindedness. “He’s dead Mr. Dawson,” replied Kelly as Twilight quickly extinguished her cigarette. “Oh is that why they were here. I thought that they might have come by to investigate a possible case of arson what with this lingering cloud and what not.” “Why are you still here,” asked Twilight her disdain for me resonating within her voice, “Barging into my house like this. I could have you arrested for – for breaking and entering and criminal trespass!” I glanced over at Kelly and shrugged, “I’ve got time. Go ahead and call the police. We’ll see who they’re more interested in.” Kelly’s brow quirked in question, “What do you mean?” Slowly I walked around the room and opened one of the windows letting the cigarette smoke out before taking a seat on the couch next to Kelly. “Well,” I began, “They don’t believe her.” “But it’s the truth,” interrupted Twilight her voice cracking with frustration, “I was in bed when this horrible crime was being committed.” I shrugged as I turned to face Kelly and ignored the purple equine. “Are you going to tell her or should I?” Kelly’s eyes darted back and forth between her client and the guy hired to protect her. The more she paused the more agitated Twilight got until she finally closed the gap between us, “Go by the studio, get your money and get out of my life!” I cast a sidelong glance at Twilight and issued a small sigh, “You know, purple and orange are complimentary colors Ms. Sparkle. Whether you know it or not and whether Ms. Stiller here has told you yet the police didn’t just come by for a social call. They came by to gather information. They wanted to see how compliant you were willing to be and see if your paint matches the paint at the crime scene.” “What,” said Twilight her eyes widening in shock. “I didn’t know,” said Kelly looking at Twilight. “Why would you,” I said before turning my attention to Twilight, “Ms. Sparkle, had you kept me around and actually had me watching over you like the studio wanted you wouldn’t be in this position. I could have confirmed your alibi.” Twilight replied with an, “Oh,” as she slowly fidgeted, the initial shock slowly seeping its way into her heart. “You need someone Ms. Sparkle,” I said leaning in closer, “And frankly, whether you want to admit it or not, I’m all you’ve got.” There was a long pause. The typical Sparkle snark was long gone. For a moment I could see this scared lonely toon trying her best to process what was going on. Her features softened and she nodded to me. "Okay," she mumbled. “Are you sure,” asked Kelly. “Well I mean,” began Twilight with resignation, “What choice do I have. So, what do you want to know Mr. Dawson?” Almost on cue the sound Kelly’s cellphone began to ring. She’d chosen wind chimes as her tone and quickly snapped it open answering it. While inaudible, the voice on the other end was very loud and angry. Kelly pinched the bridge of her nose and walked out of the room as the voice continued to berate her. "Get Twilight's ass on the phone right now!" screamed the voice so loud we both could plainly hear it from where we were. “I think that was Rarity,” said Twilight. “Oh? Dishing out a generous tongue lashing?” “I thought you didn’t watch the show.” “I don’t, but I’ve been on set for two weeks. I’ve heard a few things,” I said slid over on the couch so that Twilight could sit down, “So according to the file Jason started writing you in season one then contacting you in other ways later on.” “Yes,” said Twilight, “When he first started he seemed like a nice guy if a little flaky. He was highly complementary of my acting and it was just nice to have a dedicated fan. Of course mother….” “Lauren Faust you mean,” I said quickly, “She didn’t care for him even though you thought of him as a friend.” Twilight shook her head, “After a while, as you know, he became obsessive. Once Lauren left the show he became down right perverse.” “At which point you decided to break off contact with him.” “I tried to but he always seemed to find out where I was or what my new number was,” she said looking away. “Really? Any idea how?” “No idea,” said Twilight looking directly at me, “Just before you were hired he left me a message saying that he had ‘evidence’ about who I really was and that he would ‘destroy me’ with it. I didn’t believe him at first. I thought it was just another attempt to force his way into my bed.” “But then he said something or sent something that changed your mind.” “A lot of things. Personal things,” said Twilight as her eyes clouded up, “Everything from which step I took while exiting my home to what I bought from the store. It was awful. I had no doubt he had something I just didn’t know what. I just wanted him to stop.” "So you weren’t at home last night like you said." Twilight shook her head and began to cry. She covered her face as she sobbed into the couch cushion. After a while she finally began to speak again, her voice choked by her tears, “What would you have done? After the threats and surveillance what would you have done? I agreed to meet him at his hotel room last night. It was stupid but, I was desperate.” I looked at her dumbfounded, “He could have killed you Twilight. Had you kept me around none of this would have happened. I could have taken care of this. Do you really think the studio much less me would have let you swing on this?” “But,” she said looking at me in surprise, “You hate me. Everyone knows you don’t like animations. Why would you have helped?” “There’s a thing called professionalism. If what you’re saying is true then I would have had no problem making sure you walked away clean.” “I guess I didn’t think,” said Twilight, “Anyway I pulled up to the hotel but, I left soon after. Cold hooves. I got scared and just wandered around for a few hours, not really wanting to be anywhere. Eventually I went home and went to bed.” Kelly reentered the room with a sigh, “I swear to God, that Rarity needs to quit blaming you for every little thing that goes wrong in her life. It’s not your fault her camera equipment got messed.” “Camera equipment?” “Oh she thinks Twilight magically erased her hard drive or something,” said Kelly rolling her eyes, “If it’s not that it’s that somehow she magically made the dog she bet on stumble or the wrong card pops up in poker or something.” I shrugged and looked at Twilight as I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the piece of photo that I’d taken from Jason the day before. “Do you think that this could have something to do with what he was going to use on you?” “A vacation photo from Mexico,” said Twilight questioningly. "What makes you think it’s that picture that has anything to do with this," asked Kelly. "Why else would Jason break into Equestria and risk getting arrested. It had to be something he thought was important enough to risk it." As Twilight looked at the piece of the photo her eyes narrowed. “That bitch! That backstabbing, double crossing, self important little bitch! I’m going to shove my horn so far up her….” “Who,” I interrupted. “Fucking Trixie that’s who! Bitch got fired three years ago and still blames me for it!” I looked over at Kelly who sighed. “Trixie was terminated for a breach of contract a few years back. Conduct detrimental to the show I believe was the reason.” “Okay but how does that make her a backstabbing bitch,” I asked before looking at the photo and pointing to the human guy next to Twilight, “Who’s the guy?” Twilight’s rage immediately quieted when I asked that question. She huffed indignantly but, her posture became more defensive, “Just some guy I met while on vacation in Mexico with Trixie.” "Twilight." "Seriously.” “Because you two look a lot more chummy than just some random celebrity photo.” “Believe what you want Mr. Dawson,” huffed Twilight, “I met him once for a few hours. We talked and laughed and I never saw him again.” “Uh-huh,” I said unconvinced. "This is all Trixie's fault," she said growling as the flames of her wrath rekindled, "I can't believe she's still trying to mess up my life." "Is it true that she works at a place called The Animatic these days?" I asked. "That’s what I heard. How do you know," said Twilight. “Trade secrets.” "It’s a horrible place,” chimed in Kelly. “Oh, you’ve been there?” “No,” shot back Kelly, “But I’ve heard things. I’ve heard how it exploits animations since the laws protecting them are fairly lax.” “Well, Ms. Stiller it looks like you’re about to find out just what goes on in there because I need a ride and something tells me you know where it’s located,” I said leaning toward her with a smile, “Even if you haven’t been inside.” Kelly sighed and looked helplessly at Twilight who didn’t offer her any help. “Okay,” Kelly finally said relenting, “I’ll get my keys.” Unmarked Graves are filled with LoveWe stopped by the bank before heading to the strip club. If there was one hard and fast rule of my usual line of work it involved my pay plus whatever expenses that were accrued during the course of an investigation. Kelly’s face sagged as she watched the teller count out the eight hundreds and five twenties to me. She didn’t utter a word to me even after we’d pulled up in front of the club and pulled away as soon as I was clear of the car door. It was obvious I’d be taking a taxi or walking to a rental car place after this. She’d be billed for that as well. The Animatic was unique in one respect; the entertainment was comprised entirely of toons. Many of them had been popular at one point in time, however once their shows or movies faded from popularity and the roles stopped coming they had to make some difficult decisions. Sometimes that meant learning the art of exotic dance or worse. The Animatic, unlike human strip clubs was much more flexible with what they would allow you to do to the entertainment. As long as she could get back to work afterward and look none the worse for wear you could do it. Some folks, like the late Jason Schwartz, did. The black lights were in full effect when I walked into the club. Whatever imperfections the talent had were hidden, well as best as they could be, by them. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust but when they did there wasn’t much to see as far as décor. The seats were vinyl and easy to wipe down. What was once a carpet was now unnaturally firm, as if a layer of shellac had been applied to it over time. The smell of cigarette smoke and ‘excitement’ permeated the air. Meanwhile, the DJ spun whatever tune the dancer wanted to hear, in this case Sandstorm for some reason, while the animation on stage contorted herself to the audience’s delight. I made my way over to the bar and ordered a bottle of Steel Reserve and told the bartender to leave the cap on. While I waited on my drink I could hear the music stop and the DJ ramble on about how wonderful the previous dancer was, not that anyone was paying attention. Daytime was the slow time for strip clubs. Typically you’d get the folks on lunch or just on their way home from work. Because of this fact there were also fewer performers. Though they did tend to work harder for whatever money they could get. “Well hello there handsome,” said a voice over my shoulder. I turned to see a fair imitation of the ‘Frozen’ chick from a few years back. If it weren’t for the occasional twitch indicating that she was on something or the red eyes she would have been a dead ringer, especially if the movie version wore a G-string and fishnets. “I’m Ilsa and you look lonely.” “Not really,” I said popping the lid off of my beer, “And you don’t look like a she-wolf of the SS to me.” “No I mean,” responded the toon quickly, “I mean Elsa from Frozen. That’s me.” “Uh-huh,” I muttered sipping my beer. To Ilsa/Elsa’s credit she didn’t give up and proceeded to ask if maybe I’d like to go with her back to the Fantasy Lounge where for the right price I could ‘let it go.’ I shook my head and said, “Sorry I’m looking for someone specific.” “Who?” “A pony by the name of Trixie. I was told she worked here.” Ilsa/Elsa sighed with annoyance, “I should have known better. Bitch is too popular for the day shift.” “So, she does,” I ask already knowing the answer. “Just wait a few more minutes she’ll be on stage soon enough,” she said as excused herself and immediately wrapped her arms around the next guy who came up to the bar. It wasn’t long before she’d escorted him back into the lounge leaving me with my beer, a sense of relief and a little bit of pity for that toon. It couldn’t be easy looking like someone else and never actually having the opportunity to be you. I finished off my beer and ordered another one just as the DJ began to talk. “Hey guys I know there’s just a handful of you here but, most of these ladies have more than a handful to share. Remember that tipping isn’t a city in China and they will be very grateful for it.” I rolled my eyes and popped the top on my new beer and took a sip of it. The DJ continued, “Now guys we have a treat for those of you who like to play the ponies. Direct from Equestria with her cape full of tricks. Our little pony will bear all for you and if you’re nice she might show you a thing or two in the Fantasy Lounge. Give it up for Trixie Lulamoon!” An unusual amount of these middle aged, middle income men got as close to the stage as they could. I watched as they jockeyed for position along with a couple of toon males who tried in vain squeeze between them. I looked over at the bouncer and chugged the rest of my beer sizing him up as the first keys of Q Lazarus’ Goodbye Horses began. The crowd gasped and I turned my head toward the stage as the blue unicorn made her way to the pole. The rhythmic sway of her hips had her audience from the moment their eyes locked with them. She smiled confidently rocking in time with the song as she began her routine in earnest her white and light blue striped mane glistening in the stage light as she methodically began to work the pole and the audience began to show their appreciation in singles. Quietly I made my way to the stage and fished out one of the hundreds from my wallet watching her dance and sway before she made her way to the top of the pole and slid down it upside down with only her back legs keeping her from falling to the stage in a heap. When she reached the floor I gazed into those deep purple eyes and proffered the hundred to her in a way that she’d see both it and me. She took the bill from me with her mouth. What can only be described as a seductive smirk as she leaned back and slid it down her neck, across her chest and into the front of her sparkling G-string. The guy next to me fainted. I smiled. “It’s got friends,” I said to her as she continued to dance, “I’ll be at the bar.” With that, I slowly backed away from the stage making sure she saw exactly where I was headed. I continued to watch Trixie dance from a distance. Even when she connected with one of her other admirers she would still occasionally look my way to check if I was still present and unoccupied. Each time she looked my way her smoldering gaze would burn into mine. She was very good at what she did, but each time I saw her eyes the only thing I saw were dollar signs and she had me marked as a high roller. Just as I’d hoped she would. By the time her set ended she’d collected a number of singles and fives and made her way off of the stage in my general direction. “Gentlemen give it up for Trixie Lulamoon! Give up some of that Animatic love for her and our next dancer. You’ve heard of a bird on a wire? Well, here’s pussy on a pole! Here comes the ever talented Mikasa A.!” I only have time to note the next dancer, a dark haired anime looking chick when the Trixie hops into a stool next to mine. “Well now,” she began with a coy smile, “I haven’t seen you before. Where are you from stranger?” “Los Angeles.” “Ooh,” she cooed as she climbed onto the bar and then into my lap, “I hear it never rains or gets cold there.” “Oh, it can get plenty cold,” I said with a smile, “Especially if you’re alone.” “Well,” she said wrapping her forelegs around my neck while leaning into my ear too whisper, “I can keep you company and entertained if you want mister….” “Dawson. Leon Dawson. Yeah, that sounds like fun but,” I whispered back, “I have some questions about you and Twilight Sparkle in Mexico that need answering.” She didn’t say a word at first as her forelegs tightened around my neck before she released me and stood on the bar and glared at me. All of the goodwill was now long gone as she screamed, “Karl, I’ve got an asshole here!” In short order I felt the tap of the large bouncer I’d sized up before on my shoulder. “Really Trixie? Is this really necessary?” “Sir,” huffed Karl over my shoulder, “It’s time for you to leave.” “What is he about 6’ 8?” “Oh yes,” said Trixie confidently, “And twice as tough. Tell Twilight she can kiss my ass!” I nodded and leaned to one side. Without warning I reached back grabbed, squeezed and twisted Karl’s family jewels. The bouncer shrieked in pain, at an ear splitting decibel that startled everyone. Trixie’s eyes went wide, her mouth agape. From behind me I could hear the thud of the startled Mikasa falling off of the stage as Karl begged me to let him go. “Trixie this is important,” I began, “Jason Schwartz was murdered last night in Equestria and Twilight is suspect numero uno.” Trixie's mouth closed as her eyes darted back and forth as she debated internally what she should do. After what felt like a minute she laid a hoof on my free hand. “Let him go. We’ll talk back in the lounge.” I let Karl go and he promptly collapsed to the floor and clutched his groin in pain as he sobbed. Walking away from the bouncer I called out to him, “No hard feelings Karl. I’ll be good.” Trixie hopped to the floor and beckoned for me to follow her, “How did you know he was exactly where he was?” “Well, I spent some time in county. Suffice it to say if you don’t want to make friends in the showers you’d better know where everyone is and react accordingly.” “I’m assuming then that you were fairly lonely.” “The loneliest; which suited me fine.” We walked back to the Fantasy Lounge which was less of a lounge and more of a series of elaborate cubicles. The walls were tall, but thin. She pulled the curtain behind us shut as I looked around the ‘lounge.’ The cubicle she chose was a dark purple with silver metal furniture and a couch that she ushered me to but I was none too happy to sit on. “Just sit down,” she said, “No one has been in here yet. It’s been slow even for an afternoon.” I sat down and she sat on top of me. “This isn’t really necessary you know.” “Illusions Leon,” she said coyly, “If anyone came in here and we were just chitchatting the chatter would be over really quick.” “Okay.” “So,” she said as she adjusted her position on my lap, “Twilight is in trouble?” "Tons." She sighed and looked down, “I swore I’d never help her again after what she did to me.” “Which was?” “First thing’s first,” said Trixie as she ground her hips against mine, “This room isn’t cheap. That C note you passed me better not be the only one you had on you.” “I’ve got the money,” I snorted, “And stop grinding. I thought this was all an illusion.” “It’s a habit get over it.” “Break the habit and spill.” “Money first!” “Then get off of my lap!” She gets off of me and stands on the cushions next to me. I dropped another hundred in front of her as I muttered, “From children’s show actress to one step above an escort.” “Second thing is second and it’s not my life story,” said Trixie as she took the money and stuffed it down the front of her G-string, “So what happened that led you to me? How did Twilight land in so much trouble?” As I began to explain the details she crawled back into my lap stating that there was no way she was sitting on this couch. I shuddered and knew I’d have to burn these clothes later. Suffice it to say I let her know the particulars. I was hired to protect Twilight from Schwartz. That he was found murdered in Equestria and that it had to do with a picture she’d taken in Mexico while they were on vacation. "Jesus I don't even know what to say," said Trixie thankfully not grinding her hips against me as she spoke. "Just, just wow. I would be lying if I said a part of me wouldn't just love to go back to Equestria and rub it Twilight's face. I’d also be lying if I said part of me didn’t want to help her any way I could." “You should probably stick to your second inclination.” Trixie sighed sadly and looked away from me, “I wish someone would have helped me out after I got canned from the show. Not that anyone cared, or at least not that I saw anyway. Here they hire you to protect her and find out what’s going on.” I closed my eyes when I realized this was going to take a while. She had a lot she wanted to say and she would say it allowed. “How’d you end up here Trixie?” She leaned forward and rested her head on my shoulder. It wasn’t long before I felt my shoulder dampen with the occasional tear. "I met Dino Bresciano during season one. He said that if I ever needed work outside of the show to come see him. He introduced himself as a legitimate business owner who loved the theater and whose daughter loved my work on the show. Once I was fired I couldn’t pay for food, utilities and I was going to be homeless. So I called him. He took care of those issues but I had to work for him in exchange. It’s a racket is what it is," she said spitting out the last few words. "Acting gig my ass! They said I could show off my real talents. I should have known the kind of talents they were talking about. Now I'm stuck here while they take almost sixty percent of what I make in exchange for all the ass grabbing I can handle. Whoopee! Ain't life grand?" "I take it these aren't the people you can just walk away from." "Tried a few times but things always happen. The boss disappears, the boss’s kid disappears, the place burns down. It’s always something." “Well, at least you don’t have kids. Running is a lot more difficult when you do.” Trixie barked out a humorless laugh, "I have a son. That’s why I work the day shift." “I didn’t know,” I said sympathetically petting her back, “I’m sorry that you’re in a squeeze.” "It's not your fault. Just the way the world worked out for me," she said sitting up and shrugging, "But you didn't come here to listen to my sob story. What is it you want to hear?" "Tell me about Twilight and Mexico." Trixie told me about how she and Twilight had been like sisters prior to that trip to Mexico. She told the story about how she’d introduced Twilight to her first boyfriend followed by how Twilight had been lobbying for Trixie to get her own variety show separate from the main show. “It was supposed have all sorts of acts and sketches. It was going to be lots of fun,” she said with a smile as she sat up. She then talked about the tension that grew on set once Faust left the show. “On that day everything went from above board to a litany of secrets and rumors. One of them almost led to me stomping Fluttershy’s head in.” “Why?” “Why else? Discord’s wandering eye and penchant for ponies,” she cocked her head, “It’s simple really, if you tell enough truth then the part that’s a lie is easy to believe. He’d been with a few mares but not me. But, that was the rumor and she believed it.” "So you didn’t?” “Yuck! No.” Trixie’s face twisted in disgust before slowly shifting to one of mischief. With a smirk she began to squirm in my lap again. “Fluttershy might like mismatched dragon things but not me. I like ponies and if I go after anything else it would have to be really special. I might make an exception for cute.” “We’re off topic.” “Sorry,” she said as she continued to wriggle in my lap, “But you did lead us there.” “And please, just sit still,” I growled. “Well it’s not my fault your lap has become more uncomfortable over time. Now why might that be?” “We’re way off topic,” I said glaring at her, “But if you must know it’s been a really long time and frankly the friction is bugging me. If you’d just sit on the couch it would go away or I could drink it away or something.” “Hmm, no I’ll stay right here. It keeps you honest,” she said with a smirk, “But I won’t squirm. Now, where were we?” I sighed, “You were talking about tensions on the set once Lauren Faust was no longer on the show.” Trixie continued with her story. She noted that even after Faust left she stayed in contact with Twilight. The two sent one another e-mails, cards, and even called one another when time permitted. It wasn’t quite the same but, according to Trixie, it meant the world to Twilight. Every day she would check for messages. On the days Lauren responded Twilight was much happier. If she called that joy could last the purple, eventual alicorn, for the week. If however, they couldn’t talk or message for an extended period of time Twilight would become more somber, the smile would still be there if faint. The cloud of fear of being replaced or forgotten would start to creep into her and everything she did would have a hint of quiet desperation. One day the fear was realized. On that day Trixie had come by to share a late lunch and do some window shopping for swimsuits. She’d let herself in, which was customary at the time, and after a little search found Twilight curled up on the floor, a smudged letter and her phone by her. After calling her name a few times Trixie put a hoof on Twilight who began bawling harder than she’d ever seen before. “She was a mess. I’d never seen anyone like that before. But I guess when someone you really care for tells you to get lost and leave me alone you take it to heart.” I sat quietly and raised one of my hands a tad and asked, "How do you know it was Faust who sent the letter?" “What do you mean? I mean I read it so….” “Well,” I began, “Tensions were high and you guys were at each other’s throats. Didn’t it occur to you it could be a forgery?” “The number was blocked as well.” “I see.” Shortly after that day Trixie came up with the idea that Twilight needed a vacation. Some place warm and away from all of the negativity of the show and life in general. After some ‘horn twisting’ she convinced Twilight of the same thing. “We weren’t going to be shooting for a while, since they were doing the Equestria Girls movie and most of that had human types in it. So I figured why not Mexico? Besides maybe the time away would do us both some good. Booze, sun and plenty of fun.” “Where’d you go?” “The Pueblo Bonito Rose in Los Cabos, Mexico.” “Swanky.” “Well back then when you partied with Trixie you went all out,” said Trixie as her eyes began to mist over. She looked away from me, “It was the last time I ever saw her, happy or otherwise.” I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the part of the photo I had and showed it to her, “When did this happen?” “Oh,” said Trixie as she wiped her eyes, “Him.” “Him who?” “That’s Kevin. We met him after a day of shopping, sitting by the beach and working on getting a proper buzz,” Trixie sighed, “Tall, blonde and cute. From where I stood in some ways he could have put a Clydesdale to shame if you take my meaning.” “No. Please. You’re far too vague,” I said rolling my eyes. “Anyway, Twilight was smitten and he’d said he was a fan of the show. So we all chatted and he bought us a few drinks, signed some autographs, and took a couple of pictures by the pool and beach and that was it.” “So you didn’t try to….” “No,” said Trixie shaking her head, “I mean if I’d been alone sure but, Twilight needed the cheering up. But, as usual, she didn’t act. I did tell her I gave him her number though. She got so embarrassed. It was cute.” I was out two hundred bucks on something that was beginning to feel like a dead end. Yet, why would Schwartz be so adamant about getting a worthless photograph to Twilight? Even though it felt pointless I decided to ask, “So what happened afterward?” “We decided to check out the nightlife. Went to a restaurant, checked out a few clubs, danced and drank heavily. Needless to say our buzz morphed into us becoming totally sloshed by the time we wound up back at the hotel bar. It was then we got stupid and started arguing,” Trixie sighed, “I can’t remember about what exactly. Probably something stupid, like most drunk arguments.” "How bad did it get?" Trixie described the general argument. The shouting, the swearing and general lack of good manners the two of them showed one another. At one point the bartender told them to keep it down and they turned on him before resuming their original spat. According to Trixie it got so bad that she tried to punch Twilight. “So you took a swing at her and missed.” “I have a good right but, yeah I missed and landed face first on the floor. Then she starts crying and I start crying and we're making complete asses of ourselves. At that point hotel security came down and escorted us back to our rooms. I don’t remember much after that other than waking up to that wicked sun and the worst hangover I’d had in years.” “I know what that’s like,” I said sympathetically, “Then you swear that as God as your witness you’ll never do that again.” “Pretty much, but then you go and do it anyway. The next weekend right,” she said with a smirk. “Something like that.” "Anyway I woke up around one in the afternoon the next day, pretty hung over and I start to remember how stupid we both acted. I called Twilight up on my cellphone to apologize for what happened, figuring she would do the same. We'd laugh about it, make up and continue having fun." Trixie paused and sighed shaking her head. Things obviously didn’t go that way. "Well I tried calling her phone but I got no answer. I called and I called but still the only thing I was able to get was her answering service. I don’t know what I said. I just started getting this weird feeling like something was wrong so I went to her room and started pounding on the door. Still no answer and this feeling in me was getting worse. So finally I go to the front desk and ask the hotel staff for access, they tell me she checked out three hours ago and is heading back to Canada. I was in full freak out mode then." "Was it because of the fight? Did you finally get a hold of her?" "Eventually after my one millionth try, she finally did answer my call," said Trixie as she slowly adjusted herself on my lap in such a way that there was no friction. Her head hung low for a moment until she looked me in the eye and continued quietly, "It was awful. She was crying and yelling at me asking, ‘How could you do this to me? You’ve ruined my life’. She yells at me for a few minutes then hangs up. That was the last time I have talked to her. Friendship over." "What does she think you did?" I asked. "An article appeared in Equestria Daily and Horse News about Twilight's little escapade complete with a video of her making a fool of herself. The footage was uploaded from me apparently from my account." "Which you didn’t do but, she assumed you did.” "Like I said I don’t remember any of it. I got to the room the door was opened for me and the next thing I know it’s the afternoon. That’s the Mexico story, for the most part." I tried to sit up but she pushed me back gently and laid her head on my chest. I had to lean my head back to avoid getting poked with her horn. "So that’s what got you fired." “Not just that,” she said with another long sigh, “As I was headed to the airport I got a text from Twilight. I’ll never forget it. It said, ‘What goes around comes around bitch.’ Five minutes later I get a text from some studio execs about some photos of me and some others doing all sorts of things.” “Like what?” “The type of things that you,” she said tapping my chest gently, “Would have to pay me to do.” “I see.” “It sucked,” she said turning her head so her face looked at mine, “I got reamed by both Hasbro and DHX’s exec saying it was me and they could prove it.” "How could they say that?" I asked. "I have seen other toon look-a-likes do porn why were they so sure that it was you in those photos?" In response Trixie lifted up her hoof and pointed it at me. It took me a few moments in the poor lighting to see it but I finally did. It was a heart shaped mark on the bottom of her hoof and in the middle was the words HB/DHX and MLP underneath it. "Is that a stamp?" I asked. "Meet Hasbro's dirty little secret," said Trixie. “Actually they all do it. Disney, Warner Brothers, Hanna-Barbera, all cartoons that have been created in a studio have been stamped somewhere on their bodies. No one likes to talk about it but we all have one. It's how they keep track of us. How they can tell the real ones from the fake. In a bunch of the pictures you can clearly see my stamp. That was enough for Hasbro. They managed to snag all of the pics before it got out. They paid a good amount of money to keep things contained. That was it for me. In the span of one day I lost my best friend, my respect, my job and my home." "So where does Jason fit into all of this?" "Jason was a regular here before I started. Most nights he was coming in when I was leaving. But up until eight months ago he usually came in at night to see that Jade Lavender pony." "The one who looks like Twilight right?” "Yes. He hung out with her, bought dances and tipped reasonably. One day he decided to check if us toons were anatomically accurate. Jade never did extras, just dances and he got rough. He got arrested. Somehow, he was able to get back into the good graces of my boss and come back but Jade wanted nothing to do with him after that. She's a nice girl but not the brightest. Still thinks one day she will be discovered by Hasbro and wind up on the show. After that he started coming in earlier and hung out with me." "Did he ever try anything with you?" I asked. "One time he did and almost got his hand broke because of that." Trixie said with some satisfaction in her voice. "After that he behaved himself.” “You’re pretty quick.” “Reasonably strong too. It’s why I was impressed with how you handled Karl back there. I didn’t think you were capable.” “I’m full of surprises.” "Anyway, when he found out I was the real Trixie from the show he started asking me all these questions about the show, specifically about Twilight. I didn’t mind telling him. I figured let him be someone else’s problem. He even asked me if I had anything from the show I was willing to part with for money." "I take it you sold him your pictures of the trip." "It was the only thing I had I was willing to let go," said Trixie. "I brought him the pictures we took in Mexico on our vacation along with a few others. He saw that one with Twilight posing with that guy and he went ape shit and offered me six hundred dollars for the picture along with an extra three hundred for the originals and I delete my copies. I couldn’t say no to that." I looked down at her and smirked. Slowly she sat up and smirked back at me. Returning to her original position so that she now looked at me on an even level. “You tricked him didn’t you,” I asked. "We’re kindred spirits aren’t we,” she said with a chuckle, “I figured what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him and just gave him a copy.” “That’s tricky Trixie.” “It’s in my name,” she said and kissed me on the nose, “One second.” She hopped off of me and left the room for a moment and came back with a napkin that had an address written on it. “Where’s this?” “It’s my place,” she said as she hopped back into my lap, “It’s safer there and I can print you out a fresh copy to take with you. Maybe if you’re a good boy we can do something about that uncomfortable lap you have there. No charge on the last part cause much to my surprise I think I actually might like you. Being kindred spirits and what not.” The idea of what she was proposing was uncomfortably similar to that which Applejack had proposed the previous day. Unlike Applejack however, I’d have to go there if I wanted to see whatever else might be in that picture. "The photo,” I asked trying to stay on topic. “Well,” she said quietly, “That’s open to negotiation later, preferably sometime tomorrow morning.” “Well, I guess that’s a date isn’t it?” “That it is,” said Trixie beaming, "Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I would have gladly held Twilight face first in a vat of chemicals bare hoofed until the bubbles stopped coming up. It still hurts to think about her and what’s happened to me, but three years is a long time to think about everything. After talking with you a lot of it doesn't make sense. The Twilight I know wouldn't do something like that no matter what happened. And if she did when? Did she just have those images lying around waiting for the day I piss her off? And further more if she did take them who was the pony that posed in them? It had to be someone from DHX and I can't think of anyone that would. If the bosses ever found out…." Someone cleared their throat from behind the curtains, "Trixie your regular from the EQD is asking for you," it said. “Well, I guess that’s that,” she said to me as she hopped off. She turned to the curtain and said to the voice behind the curtain, “Get my hat and cape. He likes me to wear those when I work my ‘magic.’” “So sometime in the morning then?” Trixie nodded, “I hope this helps you out. I really do. Oh, and tell Twilight I said hi and no hard feelings on my end?” With that she exited the room with a flourish leaving me with more than I’d had when I went in. The cool evening air caught me off guard as I walked toward what I hoped was the nearest rental car place. I tugged my jacket tight about me and doubled my pace glad to be out of the Animatic and with the help of a couple shots of bourbon rid of the why wood I’d grown while in the Fantasy Lounge. From my pocket I could hear the complaining of my cell phone and feel its vibration against my hip. I growled, pulled it out and saw that it was Twilight’s number. “Yes,” I asked as I put the phone to my ear. “Leon? Is-is that you,” she asked. “Yeah,” I said in an even tone. "Leon, I need your help. There’s trouble."
My Little MurderMy head pounded like a bass drum as the world around me erupted in flame. It wasn't the first time I'd been knocked unconscious. It wasn't even the first time I'd been knocked unconscious by a toon. It was, however, the first time I'd been knocked unconscious and chained to a large pipe in a warehouse outside of Vancouver. The handcuffs bit into my wrists as I struggled against them swearing loudly to whatever God might be listening. I tugged until I could feel the blood drip down my wrists against my hands when I felt something different below me. Heat. That heat soon combined with smoke and a sickening orange light that made its way up the far stairwell to my floor. "Son of a bitch," I muttered. The whole damn building was on fire. It wasn't long before the flames reached me, their appetite not sated the goods in the warehouse had decided that I, Leon Dawson, would make a wonderful meal. Slowly, the tongues of flame licked their way across the walls and floor to me as I continued to struggle against the cuffs. Yet the closer they came the thicker the air got and the more desperate my resolve. The warehouse groaned as chunks of debris fell about me. With a loud crash a pieces of rebar and mortar landed just within reach. I knew what I had to do and it was going to hurt. Quickly I grabbed the hot rock and screamed to the heavens. I clutched it tightly in my right hand and slammed it against my left with a sickening crunch. My stomach turned, pain shot through my hand as I raised the rock again and brought it down again on my fingers again and again. Each crack of the rock broke the bones in my fingers and hand until I could pull it free from the cuff. Each time I broke and rebroke my hand I cursed the name of the cartoon pony who got me into this mess. Twilight Sparkle. **** Toons I'd never been a big fan of them. However, when you're behind on your rent, your car is in hock and your ex-wife complains to the judge that you aren't paying her enough and he agrees, their checks cash as well as anybody's. When that toon just happens to be one of the biggest stars on one of the biggest shows in the world and one of her "handlers" asks you to come up to Vancouver on a ticket she's paying for you get on that plane. So here I am sitting in a pastel colored waiting room with knock off Picasso paintings hung on the wall and Old Mother Goose magazines, wondering why on Gods green earth am I being asked to come in for an interview from one of the executives for Hasbro. With my record being the way it is I would be the last person they would want for a job like this. My gut was sending me all kinds of warning signs. Signs I should have really listened to, but money or lack of kept me glued to the seat waiting to see whoever it was that sent me here to do some work on the My Little Pony show. My Little Pony is about six magical ponies that spread the magic of friendship all around, sing-songs and do a lot of hugging. A snowflake of good vibes wrapped in the pita bread of diabetic inducing cuteness served on the plate of feel-goodness. Glancing at myself in the mirror attached to one of the walls I saw Leon Dawson, the thin, unshaven private and public dick who has hair like J. Jonah Jamison and more miles on him than his age would indicate. He’s a man who isn’t a fan of cartoon shows and yet has protected the toons themselves. "Mr. Dawson," said a voice snapping me out of my thoughts, "You can go in now." It was a short walk as I was led by the friendly silent receptionist to my new employer's office. And to tell you the truth I was quite surprised. You would think that someone who worked with cartoons all day would have an office that reflected that. Morgues had more warmth that this place. It was metallic, it was sterile, it was the kind of place where people plotted world domination. In the middle, behind a desk sat my new boss Kelly Stiller. She was a young lawyer from Hasbro. She was a cute dame, her cloths were conservative but still showed a shapely figure nothing short of a potato sack could hide. She wore those thick wireframe glasses people usually bought to make themselves look smarter than they actually were in my book. I could also tell after five minutes of being with her that she didn't like me one bit, probably thinking of me as some thug with a gun and not a brain inside my head. Next to her stood a purple pony with wings and a horn, giving me a look that I should get a gold star for knowing how to use a door knob. Introducing herself as Twilight Sparkle. I could already tell we were all going to be good friends. Maybe go camping, make s'mores while we're their, as we sing "Row-your-Boat." "We have a problem." said Kelly handing me a plain manila folder. "And we.." I glared at the toon as she coughed harshly, barely covering the HA. "...I feel that you are the best man for the job." she said not missing a beat. I quickly glanced through the folder. It was a collection of letters growing more threatening and indecent as I looked at the next one. "How long has this been going on Mrs. Sparkle?" I asked. "That's Ms. Sparkle," she said with cool indignance as she lit up a cigarette, "call me Ms. Twilight Sparkle." "How about I call you sunshine, will that make you feel better," I snapped the long trip and her attitude was finally getting to me. "His name is Jason Schwartz and he's been stalking her since season one," said Kelly fanning herself to keep the smoke away, "At first he was harmless, sending letters to Twilight about how much he liked the show and things of that nature. Starting around season five it took a weird turn as he started getting more obsessive." "How," I asked. "What do they usually want Mr. Dawson?" said Twilight Sparkle as she blew her smoke in my face. "He wanted pictures of me in certain poses and dress. He demanded that I date him and when I refused he got angry. Like I was some pommel horse to be manhandled." "Death Threats?" "None yet." said Kelly letting the pause answer what she thought of how dangerous he thought this guy was. "I don't know why we can't just call the police and let them deal with it," griped Twilight before turning her attention back to me, "This guy is a fruitcake and the last thing I want is some third rate shamus following me around." "You're right, I can't imagine why anyone would want to off you." I could see The Princess of Friendship ready to tell me off again but stopped when Kelly held her hand up. "As tempting as that sounds I would still like to keep this contained. This is a kids show after all." "You sure he's not just some crazed brony? It takes all kinds to make a fandom," I said. As good as the money that was being offered I still found a desire to walk away from this. Let my buddy Jack take the job, he was a toon head after all. He would probably crap his pants if he could baby-sit this stuck-up pony. Twilight Sparkle blew a stream of smoke into my face again. Giving me a look reserved for something that crawled out of a sewer. I have to give credit for restraining myself from doing something that would have probably gotten me arrested. "Yes Mr. Dawson," Twilight said making my name sound like something dirty. "I am sure this is more than just some insane fan living in his basement who has spent too much time watching my show." "Indeed Dawson," said Ms. Stiller, "We feel he really wants Twilight Sparkle dead." "But why," I asked, "Who would want to kill a toon?" "You should know all about that." said Twilight Sparkle with a slight smile across her face knowing full well she scored a deep hit. Despite the investigation, the trial that was shown on Cartoon Network and The Hub, despite everything I was still considered a killer who got away scott free because of a broken justice system. I could see that this was a bad idea and I told her so by slamming the door on the way out. If it wasn't for Ms. Kelly offering me triple the amount to stay I would have been on the first flight back to California before she had time to call security. But honestly it still did ask a lot of questions. "Something doesn't add up in all of this. You're paying me a lot of money to watch over this toon. When I'm sure their are people closer and cheaper to do this, and just as good as me." "Don't call us that," snapped Twilight Sparkle, "Toon is a degrading word to us." "Would spoiled be a better term?" I said letting my irritation get the better of me. "I didn't ask for you Mr. Dawson. Let's be clear on that. If it wasn't for the execs at Hasbro you would still be looking for a job at McDonalds," said Twilight Sparkle sneering at me. "I read what you did and you can trust me when I say that you are the last person who I want to be protecting me." I could feel my temper getting the best of me again, as this damn toon pony telling me off as to what I can and cannot say. I was about to give her a piece of my mind. When Stiller held her hand up reminding me of the money. For better or worst I was stuck with Twilight Sparkle for awhile. Following them both as I let them lead me into Equestria.
Death is spelled with PoniesRiding with a grumbling pony giving me the evil eye was no fun as we entered the fuzzy world of Equestria where the magic of My Little Pony is filmed. I don't have to tell you I already felt the need for an insulin shot as we passed through a tunnel separating the rest of Vancouver from it. "Oh my god," I muttered to myself as she parked the car. "I must have died and gone to saccharine hell." We followed Kelly through a maze of colorful landscapes, film equipment and stages watching toons and people work round the clock on a show. It had all the bells and whistles you expect. Directors, cameramen, sound editors, caterers, hangers-on. Felt like a goddamn circus and I was the clown. However, it was my job and I'd play the part to the best of my ability and keep that purple punk safe. The next two weeks were C-SPAN procedural vote boring. Watching Twilight run through her scenes with other ponies whose name and faces I couldn't bother to remember, could have been the cure for insomnia. Jumbling into a technicolor blur of colors.The one thing that stood out during those two weeks was how the Princess of Friendship on the show did not translate to the real world. As soon as the director yelled that's a wrap with her scene. She would march back to her trailer without a word to anyone. I could tell her fellow actresses weren't going to shed any tears for her when she wasn't on the set. More than once security was called to break up a squabble between the co-stars. The only time peace would be restored on set was when they weren't there and were busy doing whatever cartoon ponies do. Eat hay I suppose. During those two weeks I often found myself lingering on set when Twilight went to her trailer. She'd made it perfectly clear that I wasn't needed there on the first day and slammed the door in my face. Still, I kept my eyes and ears open for anything suspicious. Suddenly a loud crash followed by a string of profanity echoed through set. I quickly ran toward the sounds unsure if it was the dreaded Schwartz or something else. When I finally got to the scene I could see a small yellow pegasus whipping odds and ends at a large, weird dragon thing. "Get the hell away from me before I call security," she screamed. "Calm down both of you," begged the pony in the middle nervously, "Now is not the time for this. Security has caught wind of some Equestria Daily people sniffing around for a story. We don't need to give them yet another 'Fluttershy and Discord Duke it Out on Set' story do we?" "Well tell Discord that the restraining order is still in effect.," said Fluttershy to the pleading pony before bellowing at Discord, "Two hundred feet away unless we're in a scene together!" "And you can explain why you didn't let me have our daughter for the weekend as we agreed," the dragon-thingy yelled back. "I have a court order for that as well." "She didn't want to be with someone who, and I quote, '...is more interested in chasing pony plot than being with his daughter.' so I cancelled it. What's the matter? Didn't want Jingle catching you in bed again with, who are you sleeping with now? Sunset Shimmer? Tree Hugger? Starlight Glimmer I bet." "That's a load of horseshi...." "Enough!" screamed the pony in the middle finally losing her patience, "both of you can either go to your trailers right now until we figure out what we are going to do. Or I will have security escort the two of you off Equestria and you can explain to our bosses why that happened." Discord and Fluttershy glared at the bright blue pony. Their gazes fixed on her like those of ravenous wolves on a tethered sheep. Yet, the pony remained unfazed by the venomous looks cast her way. "Don't think I won't," she said curtly and leaned in so close that the breaths of the pair before her caused her white mane to tremble. After what felt like an eternity Fluttershy relented and broke her gaze with the blue pony. "You know where to find me," she finally said coolly before glancing back at Discord and spitting out a, "With MY daughter." Discord narrowed his eyes but didn't fall for the bait and instead silently stomped toward me. His shoulder bumped into mine in what some what have considered forceful, but didn't move me much. As he brushed by I noticed an odd color on his left hip. "You got some paint on you." I said causing him to turn back to me. "What," he asked. "On your hip." "Oh!" said Discord looking down. "I um had to stop by animation earlier for a touch up, must have bumped into something there." Then without further ado he continued on his way even quicker than before but, less angry. "Sorry you had to see that," said the blue pony with a sigh. "They really do love each other despite what it looks like, which I guess makes them able to hurt each other more. Notwithstanding what my boss said Discord is really a good guy. "Good guy huh," I asked, "I'm sure someone in animation must think so considering the location of that paint." "He just makes bad choices. That doesn't make him bad," said the blue pony quickly "So what happened to them?" I asked. "They met during the beginning shoots for season one. He was being cast to be as the main villain for the season two opener you know. One thing led to another. Before we knew it they were married and all before he'd even said his first line at the start of the second season." "Well, that's something Miss," I said leaning toward the blue pony. "Oh, Candy Shell." Before I could properly introduce myself, she immediately began talking about the show, Fluttershy, Discord and all parts in between. I nodded along politely before I felt my focus begin to drift. "I'm sorry Candy Shell," I said as I watched some techs working on one exterior castle sets, "I don't watch the show. I'm only here because they're paying me to be here." "Oh? Are you one of those anti-bronies I heard so much about?" she asked. "I'm anti a lot of things," I began, "but since I don't even know what a brony is. I can't say I know what the opposite of that is." "Well when I moved here I was given a lecture by Hasbro about the anti-brony group that reside in Vancouver. They can be pretty nasty to us cartoons. I haven't personally seen what they can do but I've heard stories. "Such as?" "You know," said Candy Shell, "melting ponies in vats of paint thinner. Stuff like that." "Sounds brutal." Candy Shall nodded as an involuntary shiver went through her. "We thought that was what happened to Cinnamon Swirl." "Who?" "One of the many mistakes Discord made," Candy Shell paused, "We thought Fluttershy had gotten hold of some of those anti-bronies and had her, well you know." "Sounds like I should probably steer clear of Fluttershy then." "Oh," Candy Shell waved her forehooves, "Fluttershy didn't have her melted. Just fired. Cinnamon Swirl is working at a Tim Hortons now. That said though, she did let the rumor persist." "Fluttershy can be pretty vindictive when she wants to be." "Well when you find someone you love in bed with someone else how would you feel?" said Candy Shell. "Hopefully she will learn her lesson about staying away from other ponies property." "Really," I muttered, "If that's what you think of Fluttershy, what do you think of Twilight Sparkle?" Candy Shell blanched. Her eyes darted about as if she was half expecting somebody to come out of the shadows and nab her, "Why look at the time. I-I really should be going. Fluttershy probably wants her iced coffee and and and it was good talking with you whoever you are." "Leon," I said leaning toward the pony, "and she can't be that bad. Cold and spoiled I'll give you, but nothing that can be that scary." "She's had every assistant fired, often for the smallest offense. She's the reason why two of our best writers left the show and why Ms. Faust, the creator, was let go. Twilght Sparkle is the devil." "How is she towards the other?" "They pretty much stick to themselves mostly. Although Rainbow Dash was the one trying the hardest to keep the group together. That is until she discovered the nightlife of Vancouver, I am surprised how she is able to party all night and still be on set when the sun rolls around. I really have to go Mr. Leon. Please don't tell anypony I told you about any of this!" I drew an x over my chest and raised my right hand, "Scouts honor." Candy Shell smiled and thanked me before hurrying off. I watched her as she ran off and sighed. "Thank God the checks clear," I muttered to myself as I slowly walked back toward the general vicinity of Twilight Sparkle's trailer. I let what she told me sink in and roll around my head. They needed to be analyzed word for word for anything that could be helpful But now wasn't the time. "Thank you for your help Candyshell. You better head over to Fluttershy before things get worse for you." Candyshell let out a small sigh over the thought of what was going to happen later on. "Fluttershy can be quick to get angry, but she's even quicker to forgive. Hopefully she will understand why I did what I had to do for her." "I'm sure she will," I said watching her go as I was deciding if I could sneak away to get myself something to drink. "Got a light?" asked a voice from behind me. "You will be a brunette with large breasts and legs that go all the way up," I said out loud. "What?" I turned and saw a pink pony eyeing me from next to one of the costume racks. Her hair looked similar to chewed up watermelon bubblicious gum. Quickly I surmised who it was. "Pinkie Pie right?" "You got it. You must have been one heck of a cop back in the day," she replied evenly without much in the way of feeling. "How'd you know I was a cop?" Pinkie shrugged, "It's in the way you stand, your haircut. Heck if I didn't know Twilight had hired you I'd figure you were trying to do some undercover work." "What would I find if I was?" "Dunno," she said as she stepped closer, "So, got a light?" I offered up my Zippo as she pulled out a Lucky and lit it before bumming a smoke off of her as well. I lit my cigarette while she inhaled it deeply, like it was the only thing she'd ever wanted, yet there was no joy in her face. Never once did she smile as she took drag after drag on her cigarette. "Don't have to worry about lung cancer I take it," I asked sarcastically. "One of the benefits of being an animation," said Pinkie drily, "I can pretty much do whatever I want and bounce back from it. Well, except for type casting. Nobody bounces back from that so easily." It turned out that Pinkie Pie had been a serious actress once. She'd studied acting at the Lee Strasberg Institute and followed that up with several successful dramatic roles in plays like Death of a Salesman and Wait Until Dark. It wasn't long before the small screen took notice and in an effort to widen her appeal took on a role at, My Little Pony. "Who knew it would be such a huge hit," she muttered as she stamped out the butt of her cigarette, "I certainly didn't. If I did I'd have asked for more money and a character that isn't a sugar addicted ADHD nutcase." I'm sure somebody did," I said with a shrug," Someone always seems to know." "Yeah well, this show's killed my career," muttered Pinkie Pie with a sigh, "Last year I landed the role of a forensic examiner on a show called Whispers of the Dead. I'd studied for that role for months. Do you have any idea what the face of someone who drops their cell phone while texting then gets into a head on collision at seventy kilometers per hour looks like?" "Yeah, I do." "So do I," said Pinkie Pie, "And the moment I show up on screen some A-hole in the test audience shouts, 'Look it's Pinkie Pie,' and then the jokes started. Before I knew it I was canned and recast." "Sorry to hear that." "Eh it could be worse. I could be stuck doing that cartoon porn crap that fills the internet. How any of them make any money is beyond me." Pinkie Pie cast a sidelong glance at me before turning her head to look at me fully, "You look familiar." No I don't," I grumbled. "Yeah you do," she said eying me, "Wait a second. You're Leon Dawson. The Cartoon Killer Leon Dawson." I grumbled audibly as I walked away from the pink pony who was now in hot pursuit. She began to pepper me with questions about the case and the trial. Each question grated on my nerves more and more until finally I couldn't take anymore. "Look I spent almost two years of my life behind one set of bars or another. Thanks to that damn trial and the bullshit around it I lost my job, my pension and my wife split with most of my money. Even though there were three toons on that jury and I was acquitted I get the cold shoulder or worse from you guys. Frankly, it's ruined my life, but when I did it damn it I know I saved someone. Doesn't that count for anything?" Pinkie Pie fell silent for awhile her eyes twitching back and forth as she tried to figure out what to say next. Finally she said in her usual even tone, "I'm sorry Dawson. I didn't know. It was just such a big deal for us, especially since some of us knew the pony you put down." "Licorice Whip." "Yeah her," Pinkie Pie said quietly before saying, "Tell you what, I'm going to help you out. Got any questions about what's going on around here. I can probably answer them and if not I know who can." "You wanna help? Fine. Tell me about Jason Schwartz." "Twilight's biggest fan and newest stalker?" "Yeah." "Eh, not much to tell. I mean I'm sure you got a file on him from what's her name." "Tell me what's not in the file." Pinkie Pie shrugged, "Jason Schwartz is just a creeper. He fixated on Twilight and kept sending her love letters, pictures, notes and all the usual crap. He's kind of cute in that lost in the weeds puppy dog that doesn't understand what no is sort of way." "So you've seen him before?" "Only when he's been dragged out of here." "Do you think he's as dangerous as they fear?" Pinkie Pie glared at me then rolled her eyes, "Well, I wouldn't leave him in a room of brightly colored ponies with his pants off if that's what you mean. Honestly, what's most off putting is that he keeps getting in and security hasn't figured out how that's possible." "Do you think he wants to kill her?" "Oh detective," said Pinkie Pie with a small smile, "Who doesn't?" In an instant that marble look returned as she stared at me for a few moments. It seemed contemplative but, whether it was because of something she'd said or something I'd said I wasn't sure. "Well, I need to get back to my trailer and get ready for the next scene," she said signaling that this discussion was over. "Good luck protecting Twilight," she said as she turned away and started walking toward her trailer before shouting back to me, "There are two things you need to be mindful of around here Dawson." "What's that?" Keep your eyes open for the proper clearance badges and your ears open to the rumors that are floating around here," stated Pinkie, "Loose lips and all that." "Yeah," I muttered before uttering a curse under my breath and dropped the smoldering butt of my cigarette to the floor. I hadn't taken a drag since I lit the damned thing. I threw the butt on the floor and crunched it under my shoe and let the janitors clean it up. I had a client to watch over and her break was almost up. I flanked Twilight as she made her way to the set with Kelly. The two of them continued to discuss some business matters that I wasn't a part of. I kept my eyes open as best as I could and scanned the area but, found myself distracted by the conversations I'd had earlier that day with both Pinkie Pie and Candy Shell. Petty dramas and jealousies between actors wasn't anything new. Heck, obsessed fans weren't anything knew either and yet, something about this situation felt off. It was then I felt it. That thing that crawls down deep into your stomach and gives it a good twist and makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Something was very wrong. I looked up and slowly began scanning the set and stage hands closely for familiar faces and badges. Slowly my eyes wandered over toward one of the forest backdrops. It was there I saw him, Jason Schwartz, in all his glory. He was a thin man pale man in a black hoodie and black jeans. He was a shadow among shadows. The consummate wallflower. Only this wallflower could be poisonous. Slowly he turned in my direction and I could see that under his hoodie was a T-shirt featuring the rainbow maned member of the cast and that tucked in his waistband was something long and possibly sharp. "Ah hell," I muttered as I looked away from him and toward Kelly. I've never liked to rub shoulders with lawyers but as I leaned in and muttered that I needed to get a sandwich, the look she gave me confirmed my general disdain. "She'll be fine for the next five minutes, I promise." I nonchalantly made my way around the various crew members and set pieces. I glanced over at Schwartz, his attention was completely on Twilight as she continued to chat with Ms. Stiller completely unaware. I slowly changed the course of my walk and made a bee line toward the stalker until I was a few feet behind him. He was shorter than me and as I looked over his shoulder I could tell he had something in his hand. Whether it was a note or a picture I couldn't say but I tapped him on the shoulder anyway and asked, "So is looking at the stars fun?" "What?" "Got a security pass kiddo?" "Oh yeah," he said reaching toward his waistband. "Nice boys don't play with sharp things you know." "Well I guess I'm half nice," he said with a smirk. Then, in a move of surprising speed he closed the distance and sucker punched me in the gut and pulled away awkwardly and stumbled over his feet to the floor. Yet as soon his ass hit the floor he was up and ran directly toward the now aware Twilight Sparkle. The punch staggered me for a moment, but not long enough to keep me down. I was in hot pursuit and as I caught up to him I could see just over his shoulder the face of Twilight Sparkle. Her eyes wide with shock and fear as the two of us closed in on her. I reached out and grabbed his hood yanking him backward toward me the piece of paper that was in his hand went airborne as he tumbled back into my chest. Schwartz growled and spun toward me. His right hand now clenched in a fist. He swung wildly and missed catching my shoulder as he found his way to the floor once again. Quickly I moved in behind him and wrapped my arm firmly around his neck my elbow pointing straight down then clasped my free should with the same arm I had wrapped around his neck. Finally, I pushed his head forward shrugged my shoulders up. It wasn't long before Schwartz kicked less and less and eventually stopped moving all together. "Somebody get those fat ass rent a cops over here and maybe a few real officers while your at it. I can do this all day but he can't." As I held Schwartz in the choke hold I looked over at Twilight Sparkle. Her eyes were as big as saucers and her mouth hung open. Whenever he twitched she took another half step back trembling. "You don't have to worry. He's not going to take another step toward you," I said calmly. I didn't let him go until security along with a couple of Mounties showed up to haul his sorry butt away. "Oh man. For a little guy he could throw a punch. I'll probably pee blood tonight," I said picking up the piece of paper, "I wonder what this is." Kelly quickly grabbed the piece of paper from me. It quickly tore in my hand as she looked at her portion of it. "Hey there grabby hands whatever happened to please," I growled. "Fruitcake," Kelly muttered as she crumpled up the paper, "He broke in just to try to give her another stupid picture from the internet." "I see," I said pocketing my piece of the picture, "Lot of work to break into a place with a sharpened screwdriver just to deliver a picture." "Like I said fruitcake." I rolled my eyes and looked over at Schwartz's apparent target, Twilight Sparkle. She sat curled up in a ball off to the side her face buried in her forelegs. When she did finally manage to look up she stared off into nothingness and at the nobody who came by to console her. It was a look I'd seen a number of times while I was on the force and one I'd worn while on trial. It was hopelessness. In that moment I realized something was truly rotten in Equestria. Whatever it was I was going to figure it out.
Killing with FriendshipThe paparazzi’s flashbulbs brightened the dimly lit, “off stage area” as Twilight and Kelly along with an army of rent-a-cops tried desperately to make their way to her trailer. As the crowd slowly made its way, the din of questions posed to the purple pony echoed through the surrounding area. Each question made her more frantic until she was practically pushing her way through her own security muttering what looked like, “Move,” repeatedly. In spite of the wrestling match with her stalker, a match that ended up in his arrest, the purple pony still did her best to distance from me by having the rent-a-cops wave me off. It was just as well. Why change our “working” relationship now? Besides, I needed a drink. After two weeks of wandering around Equestria and the show’s set I’d have thought that I could find my way out of here. Sadly, it wasn’t long before I found myself lost in a sea of trailers and what could only be described as set pieces. As I stood there trying to figure out where to go next my pocket began to vibrate. I reached in and pulled out my cell and answered it without checking the number. The voice on the end was familiar gravelly one, “Leon Dawson you scrawny son of a bitch. Why didn’t you tell me you were in Vancouver?” “Tom,” I said quietly, “How’s it going?” Tom Ackerman was a fat bald man who would probably burst into flames if left in the sun for too long and had a penchant for beer and hockey. Some might say that made him a typical Canadian but being I didn’t know that many Canadians I just looked at it as him having good taste. We’d met at a summit that was meant to further our understanding as to how to better enforce laws meant to protect cartoon characters from violence and exploitation. While the conference itself was less than memorable and didn’t go over any new information, the bar crawl afterward was the stuff of legend. If there was one man I wanted at my back in a dark alley it was Tom. “Fine,” said Tom with a chuckle, “I see you’ve gotten into a bit of a scrap on that set over there.” “Yeah well, he had it coming.” “They all do,” replied Tom with a cough as he audibly flipped through some papers, “Well, at least you saved the princess. What do you think they’ll charge him with?” “Assault, carrying a concealed weapon, maybe some stalking charges or some other violations depending on what all you have up here.” “Sounds about normal for Jason Schwartz.” “What do you mean?” Tom detailed a short but notable list of charges that had been brought against Schwartz. Drunk and disorderly popped up a few times as did some assault charges on toons that had been dropped for one reason or another. The last time was at some cartoon strip club named The Animatic with one of the dancers, someone called Jade Lavender who bore a strong resemblance to the current cartoon pony who I’d saved earlier in the day. “So how does he keep getting the charges dropped if he’s such a bad boy?” “I don’t know what the real reason was but, if I had to figure someone leaned on the right people to get them dropped for him.” I sighed audibly and looked at my watch, “Is he still in processing?” “Yeah, they’ll probably run him in front of the night judge and we’ll see what happens from there.” “Think he’ll post bail?” “Likely.” “Well fuck,” I muttered, “Looks like I’ll be here a bit longer.” “Hey we should get a round while you’re still up here schedule permitting I mean.” “Yeah, keep me posted on Schwartz,” I said before we said our goodbyes and I hung up. I’d just pocketed my phone when a familiar voice with a slight southern drawl shouted “Hey you!" I turned and saw the now familiar orange pony walking my way with some vapid blonde surfer guy. Her name was Applejack and I had no idea what his name was. I had seen her on set usually with her hooves around whoever her latest boy toy was. The arm candy wasn’t the only thing she had with her though. Applejack liked her jewelry and her fancy robes. Today it looked like pearls and Chinese silk was the order of the day. “Natori,” I asked pointing at the robe. "Why yes it is," she said. "How did you know?" "Eh, my ex liked expensive things,” I said with a shrug, “Even the clearance section was expensive." “If you like expensive robes you should see the Chinti and Parker I have in the closet,” she said as she nudged her lover, “Raul.” "My name is Richard." "That's nice Raul I want you to head back to the trailer for a bit, me and Leon here need to have a talk." "Dinner conversation isn't a high priority for you," I said watching her conquest obediently walk back to her place. "I’m more interested in the after dinner calisthenics myself," she shot back. "Besides everyone in Equestria knows so why bother hiding it," she said watching him walk away. “Worst kept secret in Equestria.” Applejack turned to me with a sigh, "As beautiful as he is, I truly hope that one day I'll find someone who can last more than five minutes and not play video games right after." "It’s nice to have dreams,” I began, “but I'm sure you didn't just call me here to brag about who you're sleeping with." "True. I just," she said organizing her thoughts, "it’s hard to explain...what do you think of us, specifically Twilight." "I think of she's a typical spoiled starlight. She doesn't like me and I don't much care for her. However, her check cashes so it’s a win-win for both of us," I said, "From what I've seen everyone is here just for a paycheck, no one really likes each other, bordering on outright hatred." "And you would be correct in that. I'm surprised we have kept this a secret for as long as we have, or that it hasn't torn the show apart yet," Applejack said looking down sadly. "It wasn't always like this, when we started we all believed in it, everyone cared about 'My Little Pony'." "I guess we all change over time," I said. "Not like this. When Lauren Faust was around she was an entirely different pony," said Applejack, pausing in thought. "Come to think of it we all were different ponies." "Who?" "She was the one who created us, well her and DHX did but she was the force behind it. Twilight looked to her like she was her mother. The two were inseparable. After she left the show and with what happened between her and Trixie we're not the same as we used to be and it’s getting worse." "You know," I said with a smirk, “psychiatrists sometimes offer discount rates if you all go in together.” "Less sass and more listening," she said with a scowl, "This isn’t right, none of this is right. I remember Christmas a few years ago when Twilight funded a charity food drive for homeless families to visit Equestria and meet their favorite characters for a holiday dinner. Now she screams and calls me a bitch if I forget my lines, the others aren't much better. Pinkie and Rarity don't even hide the fact that they hate the show and are looking for a way out. Rainbow Dash is usually busy clubbing and trying to put anything and everything up her nose. Fluttershy is a walking ball of anger and resentment. I look around and I wonder what went wrong.” “I don’t know. I haven’t been here that long. I’d tell you if I could,” I said dropping the snark, "You mentioned a Trixie? Who’s she?" "The two met when they were reading for the main character of the show," said Applejack. "They were inseparable until season three when they had a huge falling out, something happened that not only got her fired she got kicked out of Equestria as well. She now works at some club called Animatic." "Applejack," shouted Richard leaning halfway out of the door. He was still shirtless and I had a feeling he was without pants now too. For some reason he was now chewing gum and staring at us with the same dazed look that cows get while chewing cud. I had a feeling any moment he would start to moo. "What," screamed Applejack. "The sheets are all sticky from yesterday." "Well then why don't you grab a fresh set from the closet then and change them," she said in annoyance rolling her eyes. I started to say something when Richard popped his head out of the trailer yet again. As if on cue Applejack shouted, “The one next to the bed.” "Oh, he’s a keeper,” I said before returning to the previous subject, “So you’re saying someone is behind all of this.” "Hell I don't know. It seems silly when you say it. It’s as if some dark force is behind the scenes, intentionally sabotaging everything, hell bent on destroying a children’s show. Yet, Equestria has become an ugly place and despite all of this I still care about all of them,” Applejack sighed quietly, “Even if they don't care about me anymore.” Her eyes became overcast and threatened rain. I was never good at helping folks out with their feelings, but I didn't want to leave her alone either. Slowly, I sat down next to her and looked her dead in the eye. “If what you’re saying is true, what would their endgame be?” "Maybe get rid of us,” she said quietly, “Create enough hostility so that the show collapses within itself. I don’t know." "Then do what with a cancelled show?" Applejack wiped her eyes as she glanced about. Unsure what to say I reached into my one of my pocket and pulled out a crushed pack of cigarettes, “Sorry, I guess I’m not any good at this sort of thing.” “Well, you tried,” she said quietly, “That counts for something.” The silence thickened as neither of us could look at the other. Finally Applejack cleared her throat and swished her tail some signaling that she was ready to go. “I’d better get going,” she said in her normal volume, “Raul….” "Richard," he shouted from her trailer. "Whatever," she shot back at the trailer before muttering, “Pain in the ass.” “Well, maybe the next one will be named Raul,” I said standing up. “Maybe,” she said, “And maybe you’re right. Maybe they all did change and I just didn’t notice it. Doesn’t mean they can’t change back though right?” “Well, I guess it doesn’t hurt to hold on to hope,” I said with a shrug, “Even if it is just a part of you.” She smiled up at me. It was the first genuine smile I’d seen in my two weeks there. “Well, if you want to talk about that or anything else at all or for any reason really anytime,” she said as she walked behind me and swatted me on the ass, “I’m a good listener.” My face darkened immediately as I took half a step away from her, “Oh,” I began, “Well, see I have a thing I have to do. Reports and what not about the incident. So, as tempting of an offer as it is I’m afraid I have to decline.” “Some other time then?” My lips said yes, but my mind said no. Yet, as I looked into her eyes there seemed to be a spark. Something beyond the booze and meaningless sex that had taken up the better part of her time since things had started going downhill on the show. Before I left she asked me to think about what we’d talked about in possibly vain hope that the wrong things could be made right again. **** The Princeton Pub was quiet that night but, that suited me just fine. Somewhere between shot five and fifteen I found myself chasing my own dark entities and thinking about what could have been. I sighed quietly and reached for my lighter, forgetting that my cigarettes were sitting at the bottom of a waste basket back on the set. As I fished around for it my fingers touched the torn piece of photo that rested in my pocket. Slowly, I pulled it out and looked at what was on it. From what I could tell it was a picture of Twilight Sparkle at what looked like some tropical vacation resort. Next to her with his arm around her was part of some young guy who, unsurprisingly, I’d never seen before. It was unusual to see Twilight so blissfully happy. It was almost as if she were in love. “Just what makes you so special,” I said to the photo before I got up and staggered out to a waiting cab. I don’t remember when it was I got back to my hotel room. Heck, I didn’t even remember crawling into bed. The one thing that I did know was that the pounding I felt in my head was in rhythm with the pounding coming from the door of my room. Slowly I peeled back an eyelid and shouted at the door, “Go away. I’m-I’m trying to kick Jack Daniels out but he’s being a bastard!” “Damn it Leon,” shouted Tom from the other side of the door, “Get your ass up. There’s trouble brewing.” I crawled out of bed every fiber of my being cursing at me for even bothering to get up. Eventually my crawl became a stagger as I got to the door and opened it, “The Hell do you want at this ungodly hour of, “I looked at the clock across the street, “Eleven in the morning.” “Jesus Leon are you drunk,” asked Tom. “No,” I said flatly, “I was drunk. Now I’m hung over.” “Well, you’d better get some clothes on and come with me.” “Why,” I said shielding my eyes from the sun, “What did I do?” “You asked me to keep you informed on what Jason Schwartz was up to,” said Tom flatly, “Well, I tried calling you but you didn’t answer. So I asked the studio and your purple friend where you were holed up and so here I am to inform you.” “Oh for the love of God,” I muttered, “Let me guess he made bail and did something stupid.” “You could say that,” said Tom, “He’s been murdered.”
Forensics is Magic“What in the hell do you call this,” I said to Tom as my face twisted in disgust. “Well, it’s called a crime scene,” replied Tom, “I know for a fact you have them in L.A.” “I’m not talking about that,” I said holding up the small cup of burnt, overly sweetened, room temperature coffee, “I mean this monstrosity right here.” “Those who are late to the scene don’t get good coffee.” “I think this counts as police brutality,” I muttered pulling a couple of aspirin from my pocket and swallowing them with the aid of the foul beverage, “I could sue.” “Oh, grow up.” “Yes, mom,” I said sarcastically and I dumped the cup and the remainder of its contents on the ground. By the time we’d arrived to the scene the investigation was well under way. Photographs of the body and the surrounding area were being snapped. CCTV images were being downloaded and anything of the most remote interest was tagged and bagged. There was a part of me that missed being the lead investigator on a crime scene. It was a large puzzle and I’d always enjoyed puzzles. Unfortunately though, this type of puzzle had real world consequences and not just for the victim. “Oh Jason,” I muttered as I knelt just beyond the tape, peering at the body, “What did you get yourself into?” “Nothing good that’s for sure,” responded Tom. "Who discovered the body?" I asked Ackerman. "The body was found around seven in the morning by a..." I watched him forget the names and reach for his notebook. Funny, he never was good with that, "…Princess Celestia and Princess Luna." "Why were they there," I asked as I watched the techies work. ."Doing there morning workout, the two always get up early for their usual routine of a morning run around Canterlot, followed by some yoga." "Where are they right now? Have you ruled them out as suspects," I asked. "For the most part. Right now they’re being interviewed by Kilmer in one of the offices. The white one was pretty shaken up by the whole thing. She made the call." "And the dark one?" "Well, she was disappointed when we stopped her from poking Schwartz’s corpse with a stick," he said with a frown. I rolled my eyes. From what I could tell Luna had always been interested in the macabre. More than once while I’d been on set she’d tried to get me to watch Faces of Death with her. Considering the fact that in my previous job I’d seen a fair amount of the real thing I’d declined. As I stood up I asked, “So, how did he die?” “The victim died by asphyxiation caused by strangulation, “Tom pointed at Schwartz’s neck, “You can see the bruising and lacerations from here. Whoever did it used a cord as a ligature.” “Nasty way to go,” I paused and cast a side long glance at Tom, “Why are we discussing this like I’m part of the investigation?” “Because there’s more and…” Tom scratched the back of his head, “most of these guys aren’t used to dealing with animation crime. I mean, we get a lot of low end stuff but, nothing like this.” “Okay,” I said quietly, “So why are you so sure a toon did it? “We found paint on the ends of the ligature.” “What color?” “Initial tests identify it as…” he flipped through his notes briefly and continued, “… number A46BBD red 164, green 107, blue 189. In layman’s terms a nice shade of lavender. Know anybody who’s that shade?” “Maybe,” I said flatly, “What do the deeper tests say? What about prints? Were you able to lift those?” Tom’s face scrunched up as he closed his notebook, “The prints were smudged beyond use and it will be a couple of days before we get the deeper tests back.” “So,” I began, “You’re fishing. Sorry but I….” “Oh you poor fragile little dears,” cried out a familiar voice along with the sound of galloping hooves. I turned just in time to see the barrel of a large white equine crash into me and knock me to the ground. It was Princess Celesita. She was kind if a bit overly dramatic. She continued to repeat how fragile we were and how sorry she was for what had happened. She wrapped her forelegs and wings about me tightly. Her embrace was such that it was almost impossible to breathe. I tapped her repeatedly but she just hugged tighter. “Don’t you worry! My sister and I will never allow anything like this to happen again.” Panic set in as I tried to squirm but, it wasn’t long before it became clear that there was no way I could escape the alicorn’s embrace. Sound soon disappeared. The world slowly faded to black and for a moment I thought I could see a light at the end of a long dark tunnel. It wasn’t until I started feeling something poking me in the ribs that the first painful gasp of air entered my lungs and the world faded back into view. “You’re not as much fun to poke as the other guy,” said Luna as she looked down at me, stick in hoof, “He was squishier even if he was thinner than you When their finished can I go back to him?” “Alright back off,” shouted Tom as he and a few of the other officers ushered the dark princess back. He turned and pointed at a young female officer and shouted, “Kilmer get these two princesses out of here now! I don’t care how much they protest just get them the hell out!” I laid quietly and watched as the protesting princesses were escorted from the crime scene. Tom stood over me and shook his head muttering to himself before finally addressing me and offering me a hand up, “I’m so sorry Leon. Jesus, they can be handful can’t they?” “A handful,” I growled, “I’m hung over. All I wanted was a good cup of coffee and to get past this headache and now I think I have two cracked ribs, an employer who hates my guts and cartoon ponies that run the gamut of angry to perverse. Handful is not the operative word I would use!” “Let’s get you that coffee okay,” said Tom smiling apologetically as he walked me to his car, “I’ll fill you in on the rest.” I groaned. **** There are few pleasures in this world like a good cup of coffee. The heat, the rich aroma and flavor that sit on your tongue and fill you with a warmth that you know you’ve needed even before you woke up. This time around a couple of donuts were thrown in as well! I drank my coffee as Tom filled me in on some of the other details and evidence found at the scene. He said that CCTV showed that, once again he had made his way into Canterlot and that he’d paced around for a few minutes while talking on the phone. According to Tom, Jason seemed nervous and eventually angry about something. Unfortunately the video footage was of such a poor quality that it would take forensics awhile to see what else was on it. “Let me guess,” I said as I bit into one of my donuts, “He was killed in a blind spot.” “It would seem so.” I sipped my coffee and looked at Tom, “So how did he manage to post bail? I mean, from what it seemed he wasn’t exactly gainfully employed and the judge would have placed a rather steep bond.” Tom lowered his head, “I don’t know. He just managed to do it. Maybe he had some help. We’ll have to subpoena his bank records, phone records and all of that good stuff.” “You’ve got some other problems as well.” Tom raised his gaze, “Such as?” “Well, you have a murder that seems to have been committed by a toon within the realm of toons. It’s a first. You have a former officer who got into a scuffle with the victim the day before, who is the same guy who fatally shot a toon a few years back. On top of all of that you have evidence that, even if you’re not saying it, leads to the possible arrest of one of the most beloved animated characters in the past twenty years. You’re going to get pressure and pain in places you didn’t know existed.” Tom’s face blanched as I spoke. “Jesus.” “But I’ll tell you what,” I said as I finished my coffee, “I can help alleviate some of that pressure if you take me to see my employer.” “Twilight Sparkle? What makes you think that she’ll talk to you?” I smiled. “Eventually she’s not going to have much of a choice.” **** Twilight Sparkle’s home was in Shaughnessy, one of the wealthier areas of Vancouver. The large stone mansion located on Angus Drive sat back a little from the road on a driveway that split partly heading to the back while the other pulled around in front of the house behind several trees and decorative shrubs. For added security, a wrought iron gate built into a stone wall encircled the property as well. I whistled as we pulled into the driveway. “Not bad. It looks like the pony show pays well.” We passed by two squad cars who were on their way out. Tom flashed his lights stopping them as he pulled up next to them. "Anything," he asked to the cop in the lead car. "Not much. Her lawyer, a Miss Stiller was there from the start, she didn't give us much room to work with and denied us a paint sample." "We’ll probably have to get a subpoena," replied Tom. “Well,” I said with a sigh and opened the passenger side door, “You two talk it out. I’m going in.” “Don’t want me to come in with you eh?” “Not if we want to get anywhere in this case,” I said wryly, “We’ll talk later.” Luckily for me the door to Twilight’s home was unlocked and swung open with ease revealing a world of opulence that few could hope to achieve. In some respects the inside was like a well organized museum filled with vases and pictures that you wanted to touch. Some of them even looked vaguely familiar, not that I could really place them. I wound my way into what I figured was the living room following the thin cloud of smoke to its ultimate source. The crushed butts of numerous cigarettes were crammed into a crystal ashtray as the purple pony paced through her living room muttering incoherently to herself. Stiller sat perched on an overly stuffed sofa fanning the smoke away from her face as she watched the starlet tick through her emotional checklist. I could have stood in the entry way to that living room all day and I don’t think either one of them would have noticed me. So I knocked on the nicotine stained wall as loudly as I could. Twilight Sparkle froze in place as Kelly turned her head in my direction. “You know for someone who has a stalker after her you might want to consider locking the front door,” I said feigning absent mindedness. “He’s dead Mr. Dawson,” replied Kelly as Twilight quickly extinguished her cigarette. “Oh is that why they were here. I thought that they might have come by to investigate a possible case of arson what with this lingering cloud and what not.” “Why are you still here,” asked Twilight her disdain for me resonating within her voice, “Barging into my house like this. I could have you arrested for – for breaking and entering and criminal trespass!” I glanced over at Kelly and shrugged, “I’ve got time. Go ahead and call the police. We’ll see who they’re more interested in.” Kelly’s brow quirked in question, “What do you mean?” Slowly I walked around the room and opened one of the windows letting the cigarette smoke out before taking a seat on the couch next to Kelly. “Well,” I began, “They don’t believe her.” “But it’s the truth,” interrupted Twilight her voice cracking with frustration, “I was in bed when this horrible crime was being committed.” I shrugged as I turned to face Kelly and ignored the purple equine. “Are you going to tell her or should I?” Kelly’s eyes darted back and forth between her client and the guy hired to protect her. The more she paused the more agitated Twilight got until she finally closed the gap between us, “Go by the studio, get your money and get out of my life!” I cast a sidelong glance at Twilight and issued a small sigh, “You know, purple and orange are complimentary colors Ms. Sparkle. Whether you know it or not and whether Ms. Stiller here has told you yet the police didn’t just come by for a social call. They came by to gather information. They wanted to see how compliant you were willing to be and see if your paint matches the paint at the crime scene.” “What,” said Twilight her eyes widening in shock. “I didn’t know,” said Kelly looking at Twilight. “Why would you,” I said before turning my attention to Twilight, “Ms. Sparkle, had you kept me around and actually had me watching over you like the studio wanted you wouldn’t be in this position. I could have confirmed your alibi.” Twilight replied with an, “Oh,” as she slowly fidgeted, the initial shock slowly seeping its way into her heart. “You need someone Ms. Sparkle,” I said leaning in closer, “And frankly, whether you want to admit it or not, I’m all you’ve got.” There was a long pause. The typical Sparkle snark was long gone. For a moment I could see this scared lonely toon trying her best to process what was going on. Her features softened and she nodded to me. "Okay," she mumbled. “Are you sure,” asked Kelly. “Well I mean,” began Twilight with resignation, “What choice do I have. So, what do you want to know Mr. Dawson?” Almost on cue the sound Kelly’s cellphone began to ring. She’d chosen wind chimes as her tone and quickly snapped it open answering it. While inaudible, the voice on the other end was very loud and angry. Kelly pinched the bridge of her nose and walked out of the room as the voice continued to berate her. "Get Twilight's ass on the phone right now!" screamed the voice so loud we both could plainly hear it from where we were. “I think that was Rarity,” said Twilight. “Oh? Dishing out a generous tongue lashing?” “I thought you didn’t watch the show.” “I don’t, but I’ve been on set for two weeks. I’ve heard a few things,” I said slid over on the couch so that Twilight could sit down, “So according to the file Jason started writing you in season one then contacting you in other ways later on.” “Yes,” said Twilight, “When he first started he seemed like a nice guy if a little flaky. He was highly complementary of my acting and it was just nice to have a dedicated fan. Of course mother….” “Lauren Faust you mean,” I said quickly, “She didn’t care for him even though you thought of him as a friend.” Twilight shook her head, “After a while, as you know, he became obsessive. Once Lauren left the show he became down right perverse.” “At which point you decided to break off contact with him.” “I tried to but he always seemed to find out where I was or what my new number was,” she said looking away. “Really? Any idea how?” “No idea,” said Twilight looking directly at me, “Just before you were hired he left me a message saying that he had ‘evidence’ about who I really was and that he would ‘destroy me’ with it. I didn’t believe him at first. I thought it was just another attempt to force his way into my bed.” “But then he said something or sent something that changed your mind.” “A lot of things. Personal things,” said Twilight as her eyes clouded up, “Everything from which step I took while exiting my home to what I bought from the store. It was awful. I had no doubt he had something I just didn’t know what. I just wanted him to stop.” "So you weren’t at home last night like you said." Twilight shook her head and began to cry. She covered her face as she sobbed into the couch cushion. After a while she finally began to speak again, her voice choked by her tears, “What would you have done? After the threats and surveillance what would you have done? I agreed to meet him at his hotel room last night. It was stupid but, I was desperate.” I looked at her dumbfounded, “He could have killed you Twilight. Had you kept me around none of this would have happened. I could have taken care of this. Do you really think the studio much less me would have let you swing on this?” “But,” she said looking at me in surprise, “You hate me. Everyone knows you don’t like animations. Why would you have helped?” “There’s a thing called professionalism. If what you’re saying is true then I would have had no problem making sure you walked away clean.” “I guess I didn’t think,” said Twilight, “Anyway I pulled up to the hotel but, I left soon after. Cold hooves. I got scared and just wandered around for a few hours, not really wanting to be anywhere. Eventually I went home and went to bed.” Kelly reentered the room with a sigh, “I swear to God, that Rarity needs to quit blaming you for every little thing that goes wrong in her life. It’s not your fault her camera equipment got messed.” “Camera equipment?” “Oh she thinks Twilight magically erased her hard drive or something,” said Kelly rolling her eyes, “If it’s not that it’s that somehow she magically made the dog she bet on stumble or the wrong card pops up in poker or something.” I shrugged and looked at Twilight as I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the piece of photo that I’d taken from Jason the day before. “Do you think that this could have something to do with what he was going to use on you?” “A vacation photo from Mexico,” said Twilight questioningly. "What makes you think it’s that picture that has anything to do with this," asked Kelly. "Why else would Jason break into Equestria and risk getting arrested. It had to be something he thought was important enough to risk it." As Twilight looked at the piece of the photo her eyes narrowed. “That bitch! That backstabbing, double crossing, self important little bitch! I’m going to shove my horn so far up her….” “Who,” I interrupted. “Fucking Trixie that’s who! Bitch got fired three years ago and still blames me for it!” I looked over at Kelly who sighed. “Trixie was terminated for a breach of contract a few years back. Conduct detrimental to the show I believe was the reason.” “Okay but how does that make her a backstabbing bitch,” I asked before looking at the photo and pointing to the human guy next to Twilight, “Who’s the guy?” Twilight’s rage immediately quieted when I asked that question. She huffed indignantly but, her posture became more defensive, “Just some guy I met while on vacation in Mexico with Trixie.” "Twilight." "Seriously.” “Because you two look a lot more chummy than just some random celebrity photo.” “Believe what you want Mr. Dawson,” huffed Twilight, “I met him once for a few hours. We talked and laughed and I never saw him again.” “Uh-huh,” I said unconvinced. "This is all Trixie's fault," she said growling as the flames of her wrath rekindled, "I can't believe she's still trying to mess up my life." "Is it true that she works at a place called The Animatic these days?" I asked. "That’s what I heard. How do you know," said Twilight. “Trade secrets.” "It’s a horrible place,” chimed in Kelly. “Oh, you’ve been there?” “No,” shot back Kelly, “But I’ve heard things. I’ve heard how it exploits animations since the laws protecting them are fairly lax.” “Well, Ms. Stiller it looks like you’re about to find out just what goes on in there because I need a ride and something tells me you know where it’s located,” I said leaning toward her with a smile, “Even if you haven’t been inside.” Kelly sighed and looked helplessly at Twilight who didn’t offer her any help. “Okay,” Kelly finally said relenting, “I’ll get my keys.”
Unmarked Graves are filled with LoveWe stopped by the bank before heading to the strip club. If there was one hard and fast rule of my usual line of work it involved my pay plus whatever expenses that were accrued during the course of an investigation. Kelly’s face sagged as she watched the teller count out the eight hundreds and five twenties to me. She didn’t utter a word to me even after we’d pulled up in front of the club and pulled away as soon as I was clear of the car door. It was obvious I’d be taking a taxi or walking to a rental car place after this. She’d be billed for that as well. The Animatic was unique in one respect; the entertainment was comprised entirely of toons. Many of them had been popular at one point in time, however once their shows or movies faded from popularity and the roles stopped coming they had to make some difficult decisions. Sometimes that meant learning the art of exotic dance or worse. The Animatic, unlike human strip clubs was much more flexible with what they would allow you to do to the entertainment. As long as she could get back to work afterward and look none the worse for wear you could do it. Some folks, like the late Jason Schwartz, did. The black lights were in full effect when I walked into the club. Whatever imperfections the talent had were hidden, well as best as they could be, by them. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust but when they did there wasn’t much to see as far as décor. The seats were vinyl and easy to wipe down. What was once a carpet was now unnaturally firm, as if a layer of shellac had been applied to it over time. The smell of cigarette smoke and ‘excitement’ permeated the air. Meanwhile, the DJ spun whatever tune the dancer wanted to hear, in this case Sandstorm for some reason, while the animation on stage contorted herself to the audience’s delight. I made my way over to the bar and ordered a bottle of Steel Reserve and told the bartender to leave the cap on. While I waited on my drink I could hear the music stop and the DJ ramble on about how wonderful the previous dancer was, not that anyone was paying attention. Daytime was the slow time for strip clubs. Typically you’d get the folks on lunch or just on their way home from work. Because of this fact there were also fewer performers. Though they did tend to work harder for whatever money they could get. “Well hello there handsome,” said a voice over my shoulder. I turned to see a fair imitation of the ‘Frozen’ chick from a few years back. If it weren’t for the occasional twitch indicating that she was on something or the red eyes she would have been a dead ringer, especially if the movie version wore a G-string and fishnets. “I’m Ilsa and you look lonely.” “Not really,” I said popping the lid off of my beer, “And you don’t look like a she-wolf of the SS to me.” “No I mean,” responded the toon quickly, “I mean Elsa from Frozen. That’s me.” “Uh-huh,” I muttered sipping my beer. To Ilsa/Elsa’s credit she didn’t give up and proceeded to ask if maybe I’d like to go with her back to the Fantasy Lounge where for the right price I could ‘let it go.’ I shook my head and said, “Sorry I’m looking for someone specific.” “Who?” “A pony by the name of Trixie. I was told she worked here.” Ilsa/Elsa sighed with annoyance, “I should have known better. Bitch is too popular for the day shift.” “So, she does,” I ask already knowing the answer. “Just wait a few more minutes she’ll be on stage soon enough,” she said as excused herself and immediately wrapped her arms around the next guy who came up to the bar. It wasn’t long before she’d escorted him back into the lounge leaving me with my beer, a sense of relief and a little bit of pity for that toon. It couldn’t be easy looking like someone else and never actually having the opportunity to be you. I finished off my beer and ordered another one just as the DJ began to talk. “Hey guys I know there’s just a handful of you here but, most of these ladies have more than a handful to share. Remember that tipping isn’t a city in China and they will be very grateful for it.” I rolled my eyes and popped the top on my new beer and took a sip of it. The DJ continued, “Now guys we have a treat for those of you who like to play the ponies. Direct from Equestria with her cape full of tricks. Our little pony will bear all for you and if you’re nice she might show you a thing or two in the Fantasy Lounge. Give it up for Trixie Lulamoon!” An unusual amount of these middle aged, middle income men got as close to the stage as they could. I watched as they jockeyed for position along with a couple of toon males who tried in vain squeeze between them. I looked over at the bouncer and chugged the rest of my beer sizing him up as the first keys of Q Lazarus’ Goodbye Horses began. The crowd gasped and I turned my head toward the stage as the blue unicorn made her way to the pole. The rhythmic sway of her hips had her audience from the moment their eyes locked with them. She smiled confidently rocking in time with the song as she began her routine in earnest her white and light blue striped mane glistening in the stage light as she methodically began to work the pole and the audience began to show their appreciation in singles. Quietly I made my way to the stage and fished out one of the hundreds from my wallet watching her dance and sway before she made her way to the top of the pole and slid down it upside down with only her back legs keeping her from falling to the stage in a heap. When she reached the floor I gazed into those deep purple eyes and proffered the hundred to her in a way that she’d see both it and me. She took the bill from me with her mouth. What can only be described as a seductive smirk as she leaned back and slid it down her neck, across her chest and into the front of her sparkling G-string. The guy next to me fainted. I smiled. “It’s got friends,” I said to her as she continued to dance, “I’ll be at the bar.” With that, I slowly backed away from the stage making sure she saw exactly where I was headed. I continued to watch Trixie dance from a distance. Even when she connected with one of her other admirers she would still occasionally look my way to check if I was still present and unoccupied. Each time she looked my way her smoldering gaze would burn into mine. She was very good at what she did, but each time I saw her eyes the only thing I saw were dollar signs and she had me marked as a high roller. Just as I’d hoped she would. By the time her set ended she’d collected a number of singles and fives and made her way off of the stage in my general direction. “Gentlemen give it up for Trixie Lulamoon! Give up some of that Animatic love for her and our next dancer. You’ve heard of a bird on a wire? Well, here’s pussy on a pole! Here comes the ever talented Mikasa A.!” I only have time to note the next dancer, a dark haired anime looking chick when the Trixie hops into a stool next to mine. “Well now,” she began with a coy smile, “I haven’t seen you before. Where are you from stranger?” “Los Angeles.” “Ooh,” she cooed as she climbed onto the bar and then into my lap, “I hear it never rains or gets cold there.” “Oh, it can get plenty cold,” I said with a smile, “Especially if you’re alone.” “Well,” she said wrapping her forelegs around my neck while leaning into my ear too whisper, “I can keep you company and entertained if you want mister….” “Dawson. Leon Dawson. Yeah, that sounds like fun but,” I whispered back, “I have some questions about you and Twilight Sparkle in Mexico that need answering.” She didn’t say a word at first as her forelegs tightened around my neck before she released me and stood on the bar and glared at me. All of the goodwill was now long gone as she screamed, “Karl, I’ve got an asshole here!” In short order I felt the tap of the large bouncer I’d sized up before on my shoulder. “Really Trixie? Is this really necessary?” “Sir,” huffed Karl over my shoulder, “It’s time for you to leave.” “What is he about 6’ 8?” “Oh yes,” said Trixie confidently, “And twice as tough. Tell Twilight she can kiss my ass!” I nodded and leaned to one side. Without warning I reached back grabbed, squeezed and twisted Karl’s family jewels. The bouncer shrieked in pain, at an ear splitting decibel that startled everyone. Trixie’s eyes went wide, her mouth agape. From behind me I could hear the thud of the startled Mikasa falling off of the stage as Karl begged me to let him go. “Trixie this is important,” I began, “Jason Schwartz was murdered last night in Equestria and Twilight is suspect numero uno.” Trixie's mouth closed as her eyes darted back and forth as she debated internally what she should do. After what felt like a minute she laid a hoof on my free hand. “Let him go. We’ll talk back in the lounge.” I let Karl go and he promptly collapsed to the floor and clutched his groin in pain as he sobbed. Walking away from the bouncer I called out to him, “No hard feelings Karl. I’ll be good.” Trixie hopped to the floor and beckoned for me to follow her, “How did you know he was exactly where he was?” “Well, I spent some time in county. Suffice it to say if you don’t want to make friends in the showers you’d better know where everyone is and react accordingly.” “I’m assuming then that you were fairly lonely.” “The loneliest; which suited me fine.” We walked back to the Fantasy Lounge which was less of a lounge and more of a series of elaborate cubicles. The walls were tall, but thin. She pulled the curtain behind us shut as I looked around the ‘lounge.’ The cubicle she chose was a dark purple with silver metal furniture and a couch that she ushered me to but I was none too happy to sit on. “Just sit down,” she said, “No one has been in here yet. It’s been slow even for an afternoon.” I sat down and she sat on top of me. “This isn’t really necessary you know.” “Illusions Leon,” she said coyly, “If anyone came in here and we were just chitchatting the chatter would be over really quick.” “Okay.” “So,” she said as she adjusted her position on my lap, “Twilight is in trouble?” "Tons." She sighed and looked down, “I swore I’d never help her again after what she did to me.” “Which was?” “First thing’s first,” said Trixie as she ground her hips against mine, “This room isn’t cheap. That C note you passed me better not be the only one you had on you.” “I’ve got the money,” I snorted, “And stop grinding. I thought this was all an illusion.” “It’s a habit get over it.” “Break the habit and spill.” “Money first!” “Then get off of my lap!” She gets off of me and stands on the cushions next to me. I dropped another hundred in front of her as I muttered, “From children’s show actress to one step above an escort.” “Second thing is second and it’s not my life story,” said Trixie as she took the money and stuffed it down the front of her G-string, “So what happened that led you to me? How did Twilight land in so much trouble?” As I began to explain the details she crawled back into my lap stating that there was no way she was sitting on this couch. I shuddered and knew I’d have to burn these clothes later. Suffice it to say I let her know the particulars. I was hired to protect Twilight from Schwartz. That he was found murdered in Equestria and that it had to do with a picture she’d taken in Mexico while they were on vacation. "Jesus I don't even know what to say," said Trixie thankfully not grinding her hips against me as she spoke. "Just, just wow. I would be lying if I said a part of me wouldn't just love to go back to Equestria and rub it Twilight's face. I’d also be lying if I said part of me didn’t want to help her any way I could." “You should probably stick to your second inclination.” Trixie sighed sadly and looked away from me, “I wish someone would have helped me out after I got canned from the show. Not that anyone cared, or at least not that I saw anyway. Here they hire you to protect her and find out what’s going on.” I closed my eyes when I realized this was going to take a while. She had a lot she wanted to say and she would say it allowed. “How’d you end up here Trixie?” She leaned forward and rested her head on my shoulder. It wasn’t long before I felt my shoulder dampen with the occasional tear. "I met Dino Bresciano during season one. He said that if I ever needed work outside of the show to come see him. He introduced himself as a legitimate business owner who loved the theater and whose daughter loved my work on the show. Once I was fired I couldn’t pay for food, utilities and I was going to be homeless. So I called him. He took care of those issues but I had to work for him in exchange. It’s a racket is what it is," she said spitting out the last few words. "Acting gig my ass! They said I could show off my real talents. I should have known the kind of talents they were talking about. Now I'm stuck here while they take almost sixty percent of what I make in exchange for all the ass grabbing I can handle. Whoopee! Ain't life grand?" "I take it these aren't the people you can just walk away from." "Tried a few times but things always happen. The boss disappears, the boss’s kid disappears, the place burns down. It’s always something." “Well, at least you don’t have kids. Running is a lot more difficult when you do.” Trixie barked out a humorless laugh, "I have a son. That’s why I work the day shift." “I didn’t know,” I said sympathetically petting her back, “I’m sorry that you’re in a squeeze.” "It's not your fault. Just the way the world worked out for me," she said sitting up and shrugging, "But you didn't come here to listen to my sob story. What is it you want to hear?" "Tell me about Twilight and Mexico." Trixie told me about how she and Twilight had been like sisters prior to that trip to Mexico. She told the story about how she’d introduced Twilight to her first boyfriend followed by how Twilight had been lobbying for Trixie to get her own variety show separate from the main show. “It was supposed have all sorts of acts and sketches. It was going to be lots of fun,” she said with a smile as she sat up. She then talked about the tension that grew on set once Faust left the show. “On that day everything went from above board to a litany of secrets and rumors. One of them almost led to me stomping Fluttershy’s head in.” “Why?” “Why else? Discord’s wandering eye and penchant for ponies,” she cocked her head, “It’s simple really, if you tell enough truth then the part that’s a lie is easy to believe. He’d been with a few mares but not me. But, that was the rumor and she believed it.” "So you didn’t?” “Yuck! No.” Trixie’s face twisted in disgust before slowly shifting to one of mischief. With a smirk she began to squirm in my lap again. “Fluttershy might like mismatched dragon things but not me. I like ponies and if I go after anything else it would have to be really special. I might make an exception for cute.” “We’re off topic.” “Sorry,” she said as she continued to wriggle in my lap, “But you did lead us there.” “And please, just sit still,” I growled. “Well it’s not my fault your lap has become more uncomfortable over time. Now why might that be?” “We’re way off topic,” I said glaring at her, “But if you must know it’s been a really long time and frankly the friction is bugging me. If you’d just sit on the couch it would go away or I could drink it away or something.” “Hmm, no I’ll stay right here. It keeps you honest,” she said with a smirk, “But I won’t squirm. Now, where were we?” I sighed, “You were talking about tensions on the set once Lauren Faust was no longer on the show.” Trixie continued with her story. She noted that even after Faust left she stayed in contact with Twilight. The two sent one another e-mails, cards, and even called one another when time permitted. It wasn’t quite the same but, according to Trixie, it meant the world to Twilight. Every day she would check for messages. On the days Lauren responded Twilight was much happier. If she called that joy could last the purple, eventual alicorn, for the week. If however, they couldn’t talk or message for an extended period of time Twilight would become more somber, the smile would still be there if faint. The cloud of fear of being replaced or forgotten would start to creep into her and everything she did would have a hint of quiet desperation. One day the fear was realized. On that day Trixie had come by to share a late lunch and do some window shopping for swimsuits. She’d let herself in, which was customary at the time, and after a little search found Twilight curled up on the floor, a smudged letter and her phone by her. After calling her name a few times Trixie put a hoof on Twilight who began bawling harder than she’d ever seen before. “She was a mess. I’d never seen anyone like that before. But I guess when someone you really care for tells you to get lost and leave me alone you take it to heart.” I sat quietly and raised one of my hands a tad and asked, "How do you know it was Faust who sent the letter?" “What do you mean? I mean I read it so….” “Well,” I began, “Tensions were high and you guys were at each other’s throats. Didn’t it occur to you it could be a forgery?” “The number was blocked as well.” “I see.” Shortly after that day Trixie came up with the idea that Twilight needed a vacation. Some place warm and away from all of the negativity of the show and life in general. After some ‘horn twisting’ she convinced Twilight of the same thing. “We weren’t going to be shooting for a while, since they were doing the Equestria Girls movie and most of that had human types in it. So I figured why not Mexico? Besides maybe the time away would do us both some good. Booze, sun and plenty of fun.” “Where’d you go?” “The Pueblo Bonito Rose in Los Cabos, Mexico.” “Swanky.” “Well back then when you partied with Trixie you went all out,” said Trixie as her eyes began to mist over. She looked away from me, “It was the last time I ever saw her, happy or otherwise.” I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out the part of the photo I had and showed it to her, “When did this happen?” “Oh,” said Trixie as she wiped her eyes, “Him.” “Him who?” “That’s Kevin. We met him after a day of shopping, sitting by the beach and working on getting a proper buzz,” Trixie sighed, “Tall, blonde and cute. From where I stood in some ways he could have put a Clydesdale to shame if you take my meaning.” “No. Please. You’re far too vague,” I said rolling my eyes. “Anyway, Twilight was smitten and he’d said he was a fan of the show. So we all chatted and he bought us a few drinks, signed some autographs, and took a couple of pictures by the pool and beach and that was it.” “So you didn’t try to….” “No,” said Trixie shaking her head, “I mean if I’d been alone sure but, Twilight needed the cheering up. But, as usual, she didn’t act. I did tell her I gave him her number though. She got so embarrassed. It was cute.” I was out two hundred bucks on something that was beginning to feel like a dead end. Yet, why would Schwartz be so adamant about getting a worthless photograph to Twilight? Even though it felt pointless I decided to ask, “So what happened afterward?” “We decided to check out the nightlife. Went to a restaurant, checked out a few clubs, danced and drank heavily. Needless to say our buzz morphed into us becoming totally sloshed by the time we wound up back at the hotel bar. It was then we got stupid and started arguing,” Trixie sighed, “I can’t remember about what exactly. Probably something stupid, like most drunk arguments.” "How bad did it get?" Trixie described the general argument. The shouting, the swearing and general lack of good manners the two of them showed one another. At one point the bartender told them to keep it down and they turned on him before resuming their original spat. According to Trixie it got so bad that she tried to punch Twilight. “So you took a swing at her and missed.” “I have a good right but, yeah I missed and landed face first on the floor. Then she starts crying and I start crying and we're making complete asses of ourselves. At that point hotel security came down and escorted us back to our rooms. I don’t remember much after that other than waking up to that wicked sun and the worst hangover I’d had in years.” “I know what that’s like,” I said sympathetically, “Then you swear that as God as your witness you’ll never do that again.” “Pretty much, but then you go and do it anyway. The next weekend right,” she said with a smirk. “Something like that.” "Anyway I woke up around one in the afternoon the next day, pretty hung over and I start to remember how stupid we both acted. I called Twilight up on my cellphone to apologize for what happened, figuring she would do the same. We'd laugh about it, make up and continue having fun." Trixie paused and sighed shaking her head. Things obviously didn’t go that way. "Well I tried calling her phone but I got no answer. I called and I called but still the only thing I was able to get was her answering service. I don’t know what I said. I just started getting this weird feeling like something was wrong so I went to her room and started pounding on the door. Still no answer and this feeling in me was getting worse. So finally I go to the front desk and ask the hotel staff for access, they tell me she checked out three hours ago and is heading back to Canada. I was in full freak out mode then." "Was it because of the fight? Did you finally get a hold of her?" "Eventually after my one millionth try, she finally did answer my call," said Trixie as she slowly adjusted herself on my lap in such a way that there was no friction. Her head hung low for a moment until she looked me in the eye and continued quietly, "It was awful. She was crying and yelling at me asking, ‘How could you do this to me? You’ve ruined my life’. She yells at me for a few minutes then hangs up. That was the last time I have talked to her. Friendship over." "What does she think you did?" I asked. "An article appeared in Equestria Daily and Horse News about Twilight's little escapade complete with a video of her making a fool of herself. The footage was uploaded from me apparently from my account." "Which you didn’t do but, she assumed you did.” "Like I said I don’t remember any of it. I got to the room the door was opened for me and the next thing I know it’s the afternoon. That’s the Mexico story, for the most part." I tried to sit up but she pushed me back gently and laid her head on my chest. I had to lean my head back to avoid getting poked with her horn. "So that’s what got you fired." “Not just that,” she said with another long sigh, “As I was headed to the airport I got a text from Twilight. I’ll never forget it. It said, ‘What goes around comes around bitch.’ Five minutes later I get a text from some studio execs about some photos of me and some others doing all sorts of things.” “Like what?” “The type of things that you,” she said tapping my chest gently, “Would have to pay me to do.” “I see.” “It sucked,” she said turning her head so her face looked at mine, “I got reamed by both Hasbro and DHX’s exec saying it was me and they could prove it.” "How could they say that?" I asked. "I have seen other toon look-a-likes do porn why were they so sure that it was you in those photos?" In response Trixie lifted up her hoof and pointed it at me. It took me a few moments in the poor lighting to see it but I finally did. It was a heart shaped mark on the bottom of her hoof and in the middle was the words HB/DHX and MLP underneath it. "Is that a stamp?" I asked. "Meet Hasbro's dirty little secret," said Trixie. “Actually they all do it. Disney, Warner Brothers, Hanna-Barbera, all cartoons that have been created in a studio have been stamped somewhere on their bodies. No one likes to talk about it but we all have one. It's how they keep track of us. How they can tell the real ones from the fake. In a bunch of the pictures you can clearly see my stamp. That was enough for Hasbro. They managed to snag all of the pics before it got out. They paid a good amount of money to keep things contained. That was it for me. In the span of one day I lost my best friend, my respect, my job and my home." "So where does Jason fit into all of this?" "Jason was a regular here before I started. Most nights he was coming in when I was leaving. But up until eight months ago he usually came in at night to see that Jade Lavender pony." "The one who looks like Twilight right?” "Yes. He hung out with her, bought dances and tipped reasonably. One day he decided to check if us toons were anatomically accurate. Jade never did extras, just dances and he got rough. He got arrested. Somehow, he was able to get back into the good graces of my boss and come back but Jade wanted nothing to do with him after that. She's a nice girl but not the brightest. Still thinks one day she will be discovered by Hasbro and wind up on the show. After that he started coming in earlier and hung out with me." "Did he ever try anything with you?" I asked. "One time he did and almost got his hand broke because of that." Trixie said with some satisfaction in her voice. "After that he behaved himself.” “You’re pretty quick.” “Reasonably strong too. It’s why I was impressed with how you handled Karl back there. I didn’t think you were capable.” “I’m full of surprises.” "Anyway, when he found out I was the real Trixie from the show he started asking me all these questions about the show, specifically about Twilight. I didn’t mind telling him. I figured let him be someone else’s problem. He even asked me if I had anything from the show I was willing to part with for money." "I take it you sold him your pictures of the trip." "It was the only thing I had I was willing to let go," said Trixie. "I brought him the pictures we took in Mexico on our vacation along with a few others. He saw that one with Twilight posing with that guy and he went ape shit and offered me six hundred dollars for the picture along with an extra three hundred for the originals and I delete my copies. I couldn’t say no to that." I looked down at her and smirked. Slowly she sat up and smirked back at me. Returning to her original position so that she now looked at me on an even level. “You tricked him didn’t you,” I asked. "We’re kindred spirits aren’t we,” she said with a chuckle, “I figured what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him and just gave him a copy.” “That’s tricky Trixie.” “It’s in my name,” she said and kissed me on the nose, “One second.” She hopped off of me and left the room for a moment and came back with a napkin that had an address written on it. “Where’s this?” “It’s my place,” she said as she hopped back into my lap, “It’s safer there and I can print you out a fresh copy to take with you. Maybe if you’re a good boy we can do something about that uncomfortable lap you have there. No charge on the last part cause much to my surprise I think I actually might like you. Being kindred spirits and what not.” The idea of what she was proposing was uncomfortably similar to that which Applejack had proposed the previous day. Unlike Applejack however, I’d have to go there if I wanted to see whatever else might be in that picture. "The photo,” I asked trying to stay on topic. “Well,” she said quietly, “That’s open to negotiation later, preferably sometime tomorrow morning.” “Well, I guess that’s a date isn’t it?” “That it is,” said Trixie beaming, "Don't get me wrong, there was a time when I would have gladly held Twilight face first in a vat of chemicals bare hoofed until the bubbles stopped coming up. It still hurts to think about her and what’s happened to me, but three years is a long time to think about everything. After talking with you a lot of it doesn't make sense. The Twilight I know wouldn't do something like that no matter what happened. And if she did when? Did she just have those images lying around waiting for the day I piss her off? And further more if she did take them who was the pony that posed in them? It had to be someone from DHX and I can't think of anyone that would. If the bosses ever found out…." Someone cleared their throat from behind the curtains, "Trixie your regular from the EQD is asking for you," it said. “Well, I guess that’s that,” she said to me as she hopped off. She turned to the curtain and said to the voice behind the curtain, “Get my hat and cape. He likes me to wear those when I work my ‘magic.’” “So sometime in the morning then?” Trixie nodded, “I hope this helps you out. I really do. Oh, and tell Twilight I said hi and no hard feelings on my end?” With that she exited the room with a flourish leaving me with more than I’d had when I went in. The cool evening air caught me off guard as I walked toward what I hoped was the nearest rental car place. I tugged my jacket tight about me and doubled my pace glad to be out of the Animatic and with the help of a couple shots of bourbon rid of the why wood I’d grown while in the Fantasy Lounge. From my pocket I could hear the complaining of my cell phone and feel its vibration against my hip. I growled, pulled it out and saw that it was Twilight’s number. “Yes,” I asked as I put the phone to my ear. “Leon? Is-is that you,” she asked. “Yeah,” I said in an even tone. "Leon, I need your help. There’s trouble."
