Until Death do us part

by Worstbrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1432

Twilight learns a valuable lesson on Alicornhood.

Twilight's lifetime of magical study had readied her for her newfound powers as an Alicorn.
Her years in Ponyville had readied her for the newfound responsibilities she had as a princess.
Her numerous foes over those years had readied her for the new enemies she would make as a leader of Equestria.
But being an Alicorn means being immortal. And that means notice from the powers that be.
And nothing could have readied her for the affections of a god

Published 2016-04-13 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-13 23:50:01 UTC

Chapter 1

Princess Twilight Sparkle was not panicking. Panic was a relatively brief but intense feeling of anxiety, fear or worry. No, Twilight was not panicking. She had gone beyond panic a week ago and had progressed onto hysteria.

Her hair grimy and disheveled and her eyes bloodshot, she sat in her library, twitching slightly. Numerous books levitated around her, their pages open and turning as she multitasked several textbooks and encyclopedias at once. "Emperor Toras, Minotaur with magical affinity towards rocks and mountains. Controls the growth and shifting of land masses," she read aloud. Frowning, she shifted her gaze to another book, flipping its pages rapidly. "Midas, Minni... Minotaur; diets similar to a ponies... Entirely lactose intolerant after three years of age. Ok, we make sure some of the cakes use soy milk... I think you can make cake with soy milk. The chefs will have to handle that." She checked off Toras' name on the massive list rolled up at her hooves.

Someone knocked on the library door; earning no response from the lavender unicorn save a slight twitch of her right ear. "Hey Twilight, y'all there sugarcube?"

".... But Queen Gale has a soy allergy, so we will need to carefully label the food...."

"Twilight?"

"... But then Discord would switch the labels, so I would have to have the cakes color coded and cast an anti-chaos charm to ensure he can't alter them."

"Uh, are you ok in there Twilight?"

"But where should I sit the two of them? They both get along with Queen Zekiri, and Starswirl's notes on latent magical aura harmony suggests that they should be sat next to each other."

"Twilight, we need to talk!"

"So I will put them here" she made a few marks on the poster-sized map of her dining area, "and place Zekiri opposite them. That should make all three feel comfortable, perfect!" She happily checked of Zekiri and Gale off on her list as well.

"Twilight, if you don't come out and talk right now, I swear to Celestia, I will buck down this door."

"Now drinks will be an issue though. Dionysus will bring his own no doubt, and we are going to have to be able to tell his from what is safe. He will never use anything but wine though, so maybe cider will do the trick."

"Twilight, I'm going to buck the door."

"Yes, and we can have unicorn guards on standby to confiscate any liquor he brings. Now on to the music plans..."

"I'm bucking down the door."

"A wide variety would be ideal, maybe several different musicians working in shifts..." The plotting purple pony princess was interrupted by the sound of crystal shattering behind her. The door to her room, which had once been made of solid crystal, lay in splinters on the floor, one glassy chunk still clinging to the wall by its hinges.

"For Celestia's sake Twilight," Applejack trotted in the room, adjusting her Stetson as she climbed over what had once been a very proud door. Behind her, the other four of Twilight's friends filed in. "I understand your princess in duties are a might bit important, but you can't just leave me banging outside your door!"

Twilight turned her head to face the rainbow of intruders, her wild-eyed appearance and manic grin causing all four to pause and take two big steps back over the rubble. "Oh! Hi girls!" One eye twitched as she closed the books that floated around her and turned the rest of her body to face her friends. "When did you get here?"

AJ blinked in stunned surprise, "When did we- I've been pounding outside yer door for the last minute!"

"Really?" Twilight smirked, or tried to at least. It came off as more of the grimace. "Hehe, well, you should have said something. No need to break down my door! It was a nice door. Now I'll need to get a new one. Maybe Cadence can loan me one of her doors. Our castles are both made out of crystal."

Clearing her throat, Applejack cut in again, moving back towards her friend. "You feeling alright there sugarcube?" Her eyes darted around the room, searching for any signs of an enchanted stuffed animal. "We haven't seen you for a whole week! Y'all missed the birthday party Pinkie threw for Gummy AND the barn raising I invited yah to." Behind her, the aforementioned pink party pony nodded sadly. Or at least as sadly as Pinkie could manage.

"Did I?" Twilight levitated her calendar over, revealing that it had been covered in hastily-scrawled notes and marks. "Oh. I'm so sorry! I guess they just slipped my mind. Oh, slip, that reminds me; Celestia mentioned Sliepnir would be accompanying her. I'll need to widen the dance floor..." She tossed the calendar away but, rather than face her friends returned to her books. "Sorry girls," she repeated over her shoulder. "I've just been. Really. Really. Busy. The castle will be hosting one of the single most extravagant events in history, and I need everything to be PERFECT."

"You mean a party?!" Pinkie moved like a blur, perching, as if weightless, on top of Twilight's head. "No wonder you're having such a hard time! It isn't a party without Pinkie Pie after all!"
A freshly-manicured white hoof rested reassuringly on the alicorn's shoulder. "We're your friends darling," Rarity soothed. "You know you can rely on all of us to help you with whatever problem you have. There really isn't any reason to panic..."

"Panic?" An unstable giggle rippled through the alicorn's body, " I'm not panicking! Who said I was panicking? I didn't! Did you know that the word 'panic' comes from the nature spirit Pan? He often frightened lone travelers in the woods by making sounds just out of vision. Oh, that reminds me, we will need to get chastity belts for the female staff, Pan is quite frisky, especially after a few cups of wine..." She once again devolved into a series of inaudible murmurs as her nose once again took shelter between the pages of a book.

AJ's smile vanished in an instant. "Hold up, there just a sec Twilight," she raised her hoof to silence her friend. "Are you saying that Pan, the feller Granny Smith used to tell us stories about, is real?"
Twilight nodded, not looking away from her books, "Well of course. Most folk tales and myths have a heavy basis in reality."

"... Ok," The apple farmer said slowly, trying to wrap her head around this new information. "And not only is he real, he is gonna be here."

"Yup."

"Pan. The Green Man."

"Uh huh."

"In the castle."

"That is where 'here' is, yes."

"Well, I see you are very busy Twilight!" Fluttershy spoke up for the first time, doing a full 180 degree turn and rapidly retreating back towards the now-barren doorway. She was about half way out before a gentle glow enveloped her and she was lifted into the air, all four legs flailing in a futile effort to escape.

"Now I'm sure this Pan fellow is a lovely gentleman," Rarity chirped, giving her yellow friend a stern look. "After all, we have all had our fair share of experiences with, erm, 'exotic magical forces'."
"Yeah! And we kicked their asses!" Rainbow Dash threw both front hooves up in the air, but quickly lowered them and grinned sheepishly as several disapproving glares fixated on her.

"No, no, no!" Twilight shook her head, frowning. "You don't understand! This is the Eternal Masquerade!" She paused, as if waiting for a reaction, but was met with only a confused silence."GAAAAH!" The poor Alicorn threw her head up in exasperation, grabbing a book from a nearby shelf and shoving it into Applejack's face. "Here! I don't have time to explain everything to you. Please. Just. Leave. If you have any more questions, Spike has been given a full briefing. Now, out."

"Sugarcube, don't you think...."

"Out!" The princess barked. "Out!" A wave of lavender magic swept the four friends off the floor and out of the room. The crystal splinters of the door gave a short hum and flew back into place on the doorway, piecing the barrier back together.

They fell in a pile on the floor, groaning. "Well," Rarity sighed, pulling herself from the ponypile. "That certainly could have gone better."

Author's Note

A short first chapter but an introduction nonetheless. I needed to get something out before this story stagnated on my writing desk for too long.