DiE: Donovan in Equestria

Chapters

Arrival
Getting Outfitted
Employment
No Rest For The Wicked
Visions
Hey, Donnie Donnie
Estrus Escape

Arrival

Darkness. That was all Donovan could see at the moment. It was all he could hear, feel… taste? No, that was morning breath. Yuck. Smelled the same, too. Maybe next time the powers that be could let him brush his teeth and put some pants on before plopping him in the middle of an infinitely expanding void of darkness. Assholes.

Whatever, not like this was real, anyway. Just another weird dream, probably from over-exerting himself at work. Or from stress of his everyday life. Or both. Either way, he’d wake up soon, and then he’d go about his usual routine. Take care of his younger siblings, send them about their daily chores in their cramped apartment, and then head to his first work site of the day: construction. The new public defender's office that city hall was funding. After eight hours of that, it was off to the local club for a long night of bouncing. Not before eating his lunch: the same shitty sandwich everyday. Bologna and swiss. It was fuck-all disgusting, but it was cheap.

Ah, yes. Here it comes, Donovan could hear the morning birds chirping. He could hear kids playing in the grass field outside his window. He groaned in annoyance at the fact that another day of monotony awaited him as soon as he opened his weary eyes. He made sure to delay this activity as long as possible, distracting his mind with meaningless yawns and lip smacking. Eventually he resigned himself to another day in the life of Donovan Riggs, and opened his eyes to find…

Not his bedroom. Unless, of course, his brothers and sisters had replaced his bedroom with a technicolor universe. Which, needless to say, was highly unlikely. And that childish laughter… he hadn’t imagined it. He turned his head as he sat up on the soft grass below him to find ponies just as pastel and animated as the rest of this strange world, chasing each other in the grass, throwing friendly, harmless banter back and forth as human children would, in just as realistic of voices. Donovan’s eyes widened as he took in more of the landscape. Behind him was a forest of trees, full of other many technicolor animals, seemingly less sentient than the ponies he’d seen so far. Past the colts and fillies playing a game of tag in the field he was now standing in was what seemed to be a large village filled with more ponies of multiple colors, some with either horns or wings, all with a brand or mark of some sort on their rears, save for some of the younger ones; most of them larger and seemingly more mature than the ones that had been playing together, and were now trotting towards Donovan curiously.

“Hey, mister, what are you? You don’t look like a pony.” A brown colt asked Donovan innocently.

“Yeah, why don’t you have a coat, and what are those things on the ends of your legs?” A small pink filly added in a slightly nasal voice.

Donovan struggled only for a few seconds to find a response, too curious himself to be as freaked out as he probably should have been. “I’m a human, kid. If anything, I should be asking what all of you are. Horses don’t talk. What are you, equine look-alike aliens or something? Oh, no, let me guess. You’re Pixar’s next project: virtual reality ponies, right? That still doesn’t explain why I’m in this fru-fru simulation world.” He mused out loud, talking to himself more than the colts and fillies now gathered around him. He might’ve felt bad for being so blunt with what seemed to be children, but hey, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t have coffee before he showed up here. As he finished his thought, several questions and statements erupted from the small crowd of colts and fillies.

“He’s tall!”

“Horse is a bad word! I’m gonna tell!”

“Aliens? What are those?”

“You have a weird snout!”

“What’s a Pixar?”

Donovan answered none of the questions, and responded to none of the statements, but instead walked towards the village. He figured that somewhere, there was some sentient animal that knew why he was here. He wandered through the streets of the town, getting stares of curiosity and slight fear from almost every equine he passed, most of the adult ponies only coming to around his hip. Eventually, he stopped in front of a building that seemed to be made from a large tree. Not because he figured there was someone with an answer to any of the questions he had inside the tree-dwelling, but because the door opened as he was approaching, and a purple pony with a midnight purple mane and tail, each with two streaks through it, one a slightly more saturated, lighter purple, the other almost pink. Donovan assumed it to be a mare on the basis of its colors, and noticed from the close proximity that it’s marking was a large magenta star surrounded by five smaller white stars. The technicolor pony looked straight into Donovan’s eyes and gasped in awe. “Spike!” it called out into the doorway of the tree home. “Start taking notes!”

“Got it!” An adolescent boy’s voice answered from inside. Before Donovan could react, there was a flash of almost blinding light and a quick snapping sound. He blinked away the stars in front of his eyes to find himself seemingly inside the tree dwelling. Shortly after, the pony began describing Donovan in excessive detail, each word being scrawled on a scroll with an inked feather by a small purple and green dragon at the equine’s side.

This observation was starting to get unnerving and more than a little annoying. Donovan tried to move, but found that he couldn’t, thanks to the purple plasma-like rings around each of his wrists and ankles. There was no discomfort at all when he tried to move, just resistance.

Just then, the shock started to wear off, and he was starting to get freaked out. He needed to get home, or wake up, or whatever it was he needed to do to return to reality and continue his boring, monotonous life. “Look, purple, I need to get home. If you could just let me loose, I’ll be on my way.” He said in a slightly bitter tone.

“Sorry, but I can’t do that. As of now, you’re an anomaly, and it’s my duty as a princess to hold you in custody until Celestia arrives.” Twilight blurted out, her eyes still scanning and analyzing Donovan’s form. He began to feel more than a little uncomfortable as her eyes wandered over his groin, now reminded of the fact that he was only wearing undergarments.

“Can you stop staring at my crotch, please! And what do you mean, you’re a princess? You’re just a pony that can talk. And who the hell is Celestia?” He quickly snapped, his face growing red due to his exposure and his anger. Who the hell does this horse think she is, holding him hostage and analyzing him like some type of animal? He has a life to get back to, he needs to go home and get ready for work, for all he knows he could be running late. The last thing he needs is to get fired.

Donovan’s thoughts were halted when a bright flash filled the room. When his vision returned, Donovan’s jaw dropped at what he saw. The tallest equine he’d seen in this bastardized horse world stood before him, wearing what looked to be royal jewelry, sporting a pair of wings and a horn, its multicolored mane and tail flowing as if it were being blown in the wind, though they were indoors. The large alabaster pega-corn thing had an almost parental gaze, and though he could almost feel her potential strength radiating before him, Donovan almost felt safe under the stare of this horned pegasus. He wanted to speak, but before he got the chance, the winged unicorn spoke.

“Hello there. My name is Celestia, and I am the current ruler of Equestria, and the princess of the sun. A pleasure to make your acquaintance. It’s not often we have never-before-seen creatures just magically appear around here.” From the voice, Donovan could tell Celestia was a female. RIght, as if the name and hair wasn’t already enough evidence.

“...Likewise.” Donovan offered. “Donovan. I’d shake your hand… erm, hoof… but my hands are kinda being restrained.” Celestia gave Twilight a knowing nod and suddenly the glow on Twilight’s horn disappeared, as did the constricting plasma rings around Donovan’s wrists. He could now move his body freely, and he approached Celestia. “Um… Thanks, I guess… Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but I kinda need to get home and head to work, so… whoever’s running the simulation here or whatever this is, can I like, leave?”

Celestia blinked absently a few times, as did Twilight. “Simulation…?” Celestia said softly, again her voice somehow putting the human at ease. “Um, Donovan, was it?” Donovan gave a nod, biting his lip absentmindedly. “Well, Donovan… you see… the thing is… I don’t know how you got here, and I’m afraid I don’t know how to get you back to wherever your home is.” Donovan’s eyes widened, and Celestia quickly raised a hoof and laid it on his shoulder trying to comfort him. “But, don’t worry! We’ll have our most revered physicists and scientists start research right away!” She offered with a motherly smile. This did much less to hold back Donovan’s emotions now, as he was starting to worry severely at this point. He let out a chuckle of confusion and desperation before crouching down.

“Okay, wait… so… you’re telling me… that I’m stuck in a universe… in a place called Equestria… where equines… talk?” Twilight nodded and Celestia followed suit.

“That’s about the gist of it, yes. And what exactly are you, Donovan? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.” Celestia responded, a small, graceful smile adorning her face, coupled with a look of intrigue.

“...You’ve never heard of a human before?” Donovan replied, his voice thick with sarcasm. He had told himself up until now that this was all some sort of elaborate joke or prank, but when he saw the unmistakably sincere responses that Celestia, Twilight, and even the little dragon taking notes gave him, all of which were slow shakes of their heads, Donovan pinched the bridge of his nose as a slight anxiety racked his mind. He gave a final look at everyone in the room before he collapsed back on the ground with a groan, cursing under his breath as the back of his head smacked the wooden floorboards.

Donovan sat up, an annoyed and sour look on his face. At the moment, only one thought was present in his mind as he looked at the two so-called princesses before him.

Why the fuck did it have to be horses?

Author's Note

Well, there it is, the first chapter in my first Human in Equestria story. I knew I'd succumb to the fad and write one eventually. I'm trying to make this one a bit different than most HiE fics out there; the sarcastic narration is just the beginning. That being said, I hope you all enjoy this story as much as I'm going to enjoy writing it.

Deuces, guys!

Getting Outfitted

Ah, what a comfortable bed. That is, a bed that would be comfortable, Donovan assumed, if he was about a foot and a half shorter. After an extensive conversation with Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight Sparkle about Donovan’s origin, in which Twilight was extremely enthusiastic in participating, the three of them decided it would be for the best if Donovan stayed with Twilight in the library’s spare room for the time being. Though he was thankful for a place to rest and complementary food, Donovan never was one to leech off of others’ hospitality. With an almost embarrassed acceptance, Donovan thanked the princesses for the room, and promised he’d be out of Twilight’s house as quick as he could find employment.

For now, though, the bed made for midgets that Donovan was laying in had served its purpose for the night, and as soon as he realized the sun was up, Donovan gladly hopped out from under the covers and headed towards the bathroom. Time for a morning deuce and then a shower. That’s it, he just needed to open up the door and then he could…

Shit.

“Of course… if the bed was small, why wouldn’t the crapper and shower be made for elves, too?” Donovan mused aloud in an annoyed sigh before shrugging and halfheartedly dropping his drawers and popping down into a ridiculously low squat, grunting as his ass touched the cold porcelain. He quickly dropped of the Cosby kids before flushing and stepping into the shower, his face dropping more as he realized that the showerhead was level with his abs.

“Fuck this, man…”

Several squats and a handful of shampoo and conditioner later, Donovan was ready to face the day in this bastardized equine universe. Except for the fact that he was only equipped with one outfit: his boxers and an undershirt. He hung his head for a moment before remembering something that Twilight had mentioned to him yesterday. She had a friend in town - Rarity, he recalled her name to be - that happened to be a seamstress and the “Element of Generosity,” whatever the fuck that means. All he knew is that Twilight told him she’d more than likely be happy to make him an outfit for free. He flinched inwardly at the word, but quickly pushed it to the back of his mind; he’d pay her back later.

Donovan made his way to Twilight’s bedroom door, knocking softly before speaking. “Hey, Twilight, d’ya think that seamstress is available right now?” He waited several seconds for a response, and he strained his ears as he heard slight shuffling, perhaps movement against a bedsheet.

“H-Hmm..?” He heard a dry voice respond weakly in what seemed to be an inquiring tone.

“I said, is that seamstress pony available right now?” Donovan posed the question again. 'God, it's like waking up Mallory for school.' He thought to himself. He just simply never understood how it was so difficult for some people, and ponies, he reflected, to wake up in the morning. He didn't even need coffee, a shower was for than enough to get him ready to face the day. At least, when there was something to do. If he was off work and the kids didn't have school, he could sleep all day.

A groan of either annoyance, weariness, or both sounded off in response before that little magic-using-sound started vibrating in Donovan’s ears. He looked down to find his entire body surrounded by purple plasma. “Twilight, what are you-” He was interrupted by a sudden flash of light and a change of scenery. Everywhere he looked, Donovan saw pony mannequins, except for where a desk sat, with a white furred, purple-maned pony standing behind it. The pony quickly turned its head from something on the desk and met Donovan’s gaze with a polite smile.

“Oh, why hello, dear! I’m Rarity, and you must be Donovan! I’m assuming Twilight sent you, yes?” Donovan opened his mouth to respond, but was quickly silenced as Rarity continued talking in her God-awful ‘prim and proper’ accent. “Oh, I was so excited when she informed me that I’d have the opportunity to make garments for a new species!” Donovan once again found himself enveloped in a unicorn magic plasma, and carried behind Rarity to a drawer overflowing with measuring tapes. He was promptly set down and Rarity began to speak once again. Donovan barely resisted the urge to cover his ears at her shrill voice. “Well, first things first; we need to get your measurements, or your new outfits won’t fit very well at all.” She seemed to be talking to herself more than to Donovan, quickly noting the dimensions of his bipedal frame. “Hmm… you only stand on two legs…”

Obvious eardrum-murdering pony is obvious.

“I suppose this won’t be much different than when I made those outfits for Spike!” Rarity said with a decided nod of her head. She promptly used her magic to put away the measuring instruments, simultaneously writing down the last of Donovan’s numbers on a sheet of paper that was already covered with what seemed to be scribbled-out dress designs. “Wonderful!” Rarity said before turning her attention back to Donovan. “Now, tell me what you would like your new garments to look like.”

After about an hour of explaining to Rarity what jeans, flannel shirts, slacks and button-downs were supposed to look like on humans, Donovan was ready to get away from the never-ending headache that was Rarity’s vocal chords. Rarity had so generously decided to tailor for Donovan four pairs of black jeans, a pair of pajama pants, a pair of black slacks, two white button-downs, three t-shirts, two flannel shirts, a black tie, five pairs of underwear, and three pairs of crew socks. She even offered to recreate Donovan’s work boots for him, which he was extremely grateful for. After she’d finish drafting the designs, she quickly outfitted Donovan with a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans to wear for the time being.

“Wow, these feel great, Rarity.” Donovan said with a small smile on his face as he stretched slowly in his new garments, willing to forgive her mouth for the torture it put his ears through because of the quality of the fabrics. “Thank you so much!” He stopped stretching to give Rarity an apologetic look. “I can’t pay you at the moment, but-”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary, dear! Having the opportunity to design clothes for a human is payment enough!” Rarity interjected with a beaming smile. Donovan just gave a sighing smile and a shake of his head.

“Heh… Thanks, I guess. Anyways, I’m headed back to Twilight’s for breakfast and then I’m off to look for work. I can’t wait for those boots to be ready, I know my feet are gonna be sore before too long.” He said in a half joking tone as he headed towards the door. “Thanks again for all this Rarity, I appreciate it.”

Rarity waved to the human as he exited Carousel Boutique. “Anytime, dear! Be sure to swing by tonight, I should have everything just about finished up!” As soon as Donovan shut the door behind him, the seamstress giddily set to work on creating the rest of his garments, her magic splayed out all across her workshop. She managed to contain her excitement for about fifteen minutes before she exploded with eager positivity. “Oh this is going to be so much fun! Twilight is so lucky to be housing Equestria’s first human!”

“Oh, Celestia! What do they feed you humans back on Earth?!” Twilight groaned, her voice muffled as she covered her snout, preventing any more of the stench wafting from the guest bathroom from invading her nostrils.

“What do you mean?” Donovan retorted, slightly annoyed. “Humans feed themselves, we don’t get ‘fed’ like animals!” he explained before huffing angrily.

“It smells like your diet consists strictly rotten eggs! It’s disgusting! You’re disgusting!”

“And you’re supposed to be Equestria’s humanitarian? Well, I sure am screwed, huh?” Donovan fired back, his face slightly red with anger. Sure, Donovan wouldn’t have a place to sleep last night if it weren’t for Twilight offering him a room, but he was already peeved at her. She teleported him across town, with now directions of how to get back. The past fifteen minutes or so had consisted of Donovan trying to find his way back to the library without any idea of how to get there, stubbing his toes on a few rocks along the way. Needless to say, Twilight wasn’t his favorite pony in the world right now.

“Yeah, well… Urrrgh!” Twilight groaned before heading downstairs to the kitchen. “Whatever, I put a fragrance spell in the bathroom, so there shouldn’t be any more problems from now on… what do you want for breakfast?”

At that moment, Donovan decided he wanted a breakfast that he was sure Twilight didn’t want. Just out of petty spite. “Hm… I feel like a breakfast burrito with sausage, hashbrowns and scrambled eggs. I’d cook it myself, but, y’know,” Donovan started, unaware of the look of fear on Twilight’s meat. “It’s kinda hard to cook over a stove while squatting.”

Twilight slowly turned to Donovan and quietly posed a question, her voice wavering slightly. “Do… Do humans eat… p-pony meat…?”

Donovan instantly realized what Twilight looked so scared for and quickly waved his hand dismissively. “Naw, horse is gross.”

Twilight’s face fell into a relieved expression, a breath slowly escaping her. “Phew… okay, good…” Quickly, though, Twilight’s mouth contorted into an angry snarl. “Hey, what do you mean, gross?! I’m not gross! And I’m not a horse, either!”

Donovan chuckled softly before responding. “Well, you called me disgusting earlier, it’s only fair; I meant your meat, anyway. And, sorry about that horse thing, It’ll take a while to learn all the obscenities around here. Like I told you yesterday, horse isn’t a slur where I come from, it’ll take a few days for me to adjust.”

Twilight quickly responded, her voice thick with sass and sarcasm. “Sure, it’ll take you a few days to adjust your language, but you seem awfully adjusted to the fact that a species that can’t talk in your world is suddenly sentient in another.”

Donovan sighed inwardly before replying to the princess apologetically. “Okay, Twilight, look. It’s obvious that neither of us want me to be staying here-”

“Yeah, you’ve got that right.” Twilight retorted as she set to work on making food for Spike, Donovan, and herself.

Donovan tensed up in annoyance, but held his tongue. “Right… Anyways, as I was saying, if you want me to be out of your home as soon as possible, then I need to at least act like I’m adjusted enough to function properly in society so that I can get a job.”

Twilight nodded in agreement, but stayed silent, deciding that the eggs she was currently scrambling required more attention than their conversation.

“Now trust me, I appreciate your hospitality, Twilight; but I really hate living at the expense of others, I always feel like I’m leeching off people when they help me. That’s why I want to get out of here, more than anything else.” Donovan explained as he sat at the kitchen’s serving counter.

“...Fair enough.” Twilight said after a few minutes of silence, laying a neatly folded breakfast burrito in front of her human housemate. “Sorry, I didn’t have any meat, I usually only keep enough around for Spike, and he ate the last of what I had yesterday… I’ll get some more next time I go to the market.”

Donovan nodded and offered his thanks before quickly downing his breakfast in a few bites. He then headed back towards the front door, throwing a quick explanation over his shoulder. “Thanks for the meal. I’m going job hunting, I’ll be back whenever.”

Twilight quickly washed off his plate, a barely-visible smile adorning her face. “Okay, I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”

“Mhmm.” The slender human hummed in response before shutting the door behind him, only two thoughts on his mind...

‘Alright, time to look for work…’

‘God, I really fucking wish I had shoes…’

Author's Note

I'm genuinely surprised that I was able to crank out this chapter so fast. I hope you all enjoyed it, and if you haven't already, be sure to show your support by giving this story a thumbs up! :pinkiehappy:

Deuces, guys!

Employment

Donovan gritted his teeth. He was really starting to crave a cigarette; this job hunt was getting stressful. His time along walking through town and looking for employment vacancies allowed him to put more time than he probably should into thinking about what was happening at his home back on Earth. Did time pass the same as it did here? Were his siblings freaking out? Had Mallory been able to step up and lead the household as the new oldest sibling? The more questions he posed to himself, the more he craved for a cancer stick. He’d always told his little brothers and sisters to never pick up smoking, and he absolutely detested the fact that he was such a hypocrite in that regard. He’d started smoking at a young age, and managed to hide it from nearly everyone he knew for a considerable amount of time, but eventually Mallory had caught him burning through a cig, and he had to own up to it.

Either way, he couldn’t do much to sate his craving for tobacco, at least at the moment. He could only hope that he’d soon be employed, and that the drugstore he’d passed earlier sold Marlboros, or at least some Equestrian equivalent.

Donovan walked a couple more blocks before his gaze was captured by a ‘now hiring’ sign sitting in the window of a building that seemed almost to be made out of sweets, the windows being traced with what looked to be icing, the roof made of something similar to gingerbread. By the looks of everything, it seemed to be a bakery of some sort. What gave it away possibly more so than the building’s ridiculous gimmick was the permanent smell of cake batter that surrounded it. It all seemed very deliciously sweet, and it made Donovan cringe slightly. Nevertheless, he swallowed his pride and stepped inside, wanting to talk to the owner or manager quickly so he didn’t have to be in this fru-fru cake house any longer than-

“SURPRISE!!!”

“HOLY FUCK!” Donovan screamed and readied his fists as several loud pops sounded off and a barrage of voices screamed at him. He was ready to hit the first thing he saw once he was reoriented, but his brain quickly processed what had been said to him. “Uh… Surprise?” He stood there dumbfounded as he scanned the room, recognizing three familiar faces instantly. Twilight, Spike, and Rarity. There must have been at least a hundred other ponies in the room, probably more out of his line of vision, none of which he recognized, but one seemed to stand out from the rest, most likely, Donovan assumed, because they had a toothless baby alligator latched onto their tail. Donovan’s eyes traced the poofy pink tail up to a pink furred body, the pony’s flank marked with its distinct cutie mark, (Donovan chuckled more than once when Twilight explained this butt-tattoo thing to him, finding the whole concept ridiculous; that was the only way he was able to remember what they were called.) two blue balloons on either side of a yellow ballon. He continued up their body, tracing a fluffy pink mane, almost identical to their tail, one stray curl ending in front of the pony’s nose, in between their sparkling blue eyes. In a fraction of a second, the pink pony moved closer to Donovan. He’d have sworn she’d teleported, but grimaced in confusion when he found she had no magical horn that would enable her to do so.

“Hey there!” She said in a high pitched voice, but not enough to make Donovan wish he was deaf, unlike Rarity’s murderous vocal cords. “I'm Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were ya? Were ya? Huh huh huh?"

“Um… Yeah… So, Why did you throw me a party, exactly?” Donovan asked, slightly off balance by how fast the words left Pinkie’s mouth.

“Well, y'see, I've never saw you before and if I've never saw you before that means you're new, 'cause I know everypony, and I mean EVERYPONY in Ponyville!”

Everypony? Is that even a word?

“And if you're new, that means you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, then I had an idea, which was to throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everyone in Ponyville! See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!” Donovan was still floored at how fast Pinkie was speaking, and though her voice didn’t annoy him, her unnecessarily sunny disposition was starting to.

“Right…” Donovan turned to Twilight slowly. “So, this is your friend Pinkie Pie you were telling me about yesterday?”

Twilight nodded and gave a proud smile. “That’s right! Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s very own party-planning pony! And also the Element of Laughter!” Twilight then gestured behind her to four other ponies. “You already know Rarity.”

“Hello there, Donovan, darling!” Rarity said with a small wave and a bat of her eyelashes.

“Then there’s Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness.” Twilight pointed to a rather bashful-looking yellow pegasus, hiding her face behind her pink mane.

“O-Oh… H-Hello there, Mr. Donovan…” She said, barely loud enough for him to hear, before hiding behind her mane completely, her face turning a bright red. Donovan found the display slightly cute, and a tiny smirk crossed his lips.

Twilight chuckled softly and moved on to the next pony. “...Rainbow Dash, Equestria’s fastest flier and the Element of Loyalty.”

“Sup, big buy! Nice to meetcha!” The blue pegasus said in a raspy, tomboyish voice, her rainbow colored tail following behind her as she did a few slow rolls in the air. Donovan’s smile grew slightly as the rainbow-haired pony greeted him, he had a feeling she was a pretty cool person. Err… pony.

“...And finally, Applejack, the Element of Honesty.” Donovan followed Twilight’s hoof to an orange-furred pony with a lazy smile, her blonde mane and tail secured at their ends with red hair ties, a brown stetson cowboy hat on her head. “Howdy there, sugarcube. Y’sure are a different lookin’ feller, that’s fer sure. Pleasure t’meetcha.” Donovan smiled even wider as the cowgirl smiled up at him. He always liked country folk. The accent was easy on the ears, too. Much unlike Rarity’s… anyway…

“Well, uh… Thanks for the party, I guess…” Donovan said, rubbing the back of his neck. Before long, Pinkie Pie thrust a foreleg into the air.

“Let’s get this party STARTED!” As the words left her mouth, Donovan turned his head just in time to see a pony sitting at a DJ booth put two records on their turntable and begin playing some rather upbeat tunes. Several ponies began dancing, and only then Donovan realized how many ponies were in the building. It seems Pinkie really did invite the whole town.

Only seconds later, Pinkie Pie shoved a glass of punch into Donovan’s hand, which he slowly accepted. The six elements then stood with him in a circle and began talking.

“Well, I’ve gotta say, I didn’t expect this.” Donovan said with a chuckle. “You got me good, Pinkie.”

Pinkie responded with a gigglesnort. “Hehe, I’m glad you liked it, Donnie!”

“And since everyone’s here right now, it shouldn’t be too hard to find out if anypony’s hiring!” Twilight added with a smile of her own.

“Yer lookin’ fer work, Donovan?” Applejack asked happily.

“Uh, yeah. Why, are you hiring?” Donovan asked with an intrigued expression. He’d be happy to work alongside someone with an accent like that.

“Actually, yeah! We’re runnin’ low on farmhands back on Sweet Apple Acres, m’family’s farm on the outskirts a’town. If y’all don’t mind honest work, Ah’d be mighty grateful. We can’t pay much, but we can get you settled into the spare room in the attic, and we’d love to feed ya three meals a day, too!”

Donovan’s face lit up. He no longer had to be living at Twilight’s expense, and he got to work alongside soft spoken country folk. It was a win-win. “Sounds great to me. I can start as early as tonight!” He said with a smile, holding out his hand.

“Y’got yerself a deal, sugarcube!” Applejack replied happily, laying her forehoof against Donovan’s palm, shaking it eagerly.

Donovan and the elements talked for about an hour before he decided to head to the refreshments table to refill his cup. After doing so, he turned only to find his path blocked by the pony that was DJ’ing earlier. “Hey there.” She said, an almost cocky, but still friendly smile on her face. “Name’s Vinyl Scratch. Heard you’re looking for work.”

“Uh, well… I guess it depends on what days and times. I just snagged a job at Sweet Apple Acres.” Donovan was used to working two jobs back on Earth, he figured he could handle two jobs here just as well. “I can’t do anything from early mornings to about noon. On any day except Sunday.”

“Well, the club I usually play at is looking for a bouncer, our last one just quit and we can’t really do anymore shows until we get a new one. You’re a pretty big guy, so I figured it’d be an easy job for you.”

Donovan smiled for the umpteenth time that day. Things were falling into place for him. “No shit? I actually worked as a bouncer back home, I’d love to work nights for you guys!”

“Bucking sweet, brah.” Vinyl said with a nod of her head, her two-toned mane shaking loosely. They spoke about the details for a bit, and before long, Donovan found himself thoroughly enjoying this party. Once Vinyl ended the conversation, claiming she had to get back to her turntables before her playlist ended, Donovan looked around Sugarcube corner with a thought he hadn’t had before, his smirk turning into a grin as Pinkie and Rainbow Dash waved to him from across the room.

‘They may be some weird fuckin’ ponies…’ He chuckled to himself as he made his way towards the party pony and cyan pegasus.

‘But this might not be so bad, after all.

Author's Note

This chapter wrote itself, I'm happy I got it out so fast! I hope you guys enjoyed it, despite how short these first few chapters have been. Next chapter's coming soon, so stay tuned!

Deuces, guys!

No Rest For The Wicked

“Alrighty then, Donovan, here’s where you’ll be sleepin’ an’ all that.” Applejack said as she dropped a duffel bag next to the large bed. She had offered to carry all of Donovan's newly-made clothes back to the ranch for him, for which he thanked her continually.

He made his way into his new room, ducking through the doorway, but able to stand straight up once inside, with a comfortable amount of distance between his head and the ceiling. A nice change of pace from Twilight’s guest room, for sure.

“This is great.” Donovan said with a soft upward curve on his lip as he peered out the window at the far wall of his room, providing an overlook of several acres of well-kept farmland. The same farmland that he’d be working on starting today. “Thanks, AJ. I love it.”

“Gosh, Ah sure am glad y’got enough headroom.” Applejack smiled as she looked at the rafters above Donovan’s head. “Ah wasn’t sure if you’d be able t’stand straight up in here... Are y’sure yer okay with this as yer room? Ah mean, Ah know it’s pretty empty right now, but Ah’m perfectly fine with you redecoratin’ it an’ puttin’ furniture and that kinda thang wherever you want.”

“Sounds great; I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” The slender human replied. He was paying attention to his new boss’ words, but he wasn’t completely present at the moment; he was thinking back to when he and Applejack had set out towards the farm from Twilight’s house. Though they’d had a few quarrels during Donovan’s residence there, it would be a lie to say that he and Twilight hadn’t bonded over it. They had more than a few conversations that allowed them to get to know each other little by little, and by the time Donovan moved out, it felt nearly the same as moving away from an apartment complex in which he knew the landlord as an acquaintance or, hell, even a friend. As Donovan carried his belongings out of the giant tree-turned-library, he could see what looked to be almost an expression of conflicted somberness on Twilight’s face, as if she didn’t want him to leave for Sweet Apple Acres. But that was what was bothering him; these ponies were just so friendly. After all of Donovan’s encroaching on Twilight’s property, or at least what he felt was encroaching, and leeching off of her comfortable position, the fact that Twilight still wouldn’t mind, and maybe even wanted him to stay longer at the library baffled him. If he were still back in his hometown on earth, he was sure things definitely wouldn’t have been so friendly on his departure.

“Great! Now, go ahead’n get settled in, grab somethin’ to eat from the kitchen, and when yer ready, meet me out in fronta th’barn so we can start today’s work!” Applejack threw over her shoulder as she trotted happily out of the room.

Donovan sighed softly, a smirk running across his face. He wasn’t in an ideal situation, but he was making the most out of what he had in this strange new world. He made his way down to the kitchen, having to duck slightly due to his tall frame. His smirk turned into a smile of slight nostalgia as the aroma southern comfort breakfast wafted to his nostrils. “Biscuits, gravy, eggs, bacon and grits?” He ventured a guess, which was soon confirmed by a deep-voiced response from a large red stallion standing at the stove.

“Eeyup.” The stallion answered with a small nod. Donovan knew better than to pursue conversation; Applejack had told him about Big Macintosh, explaining that he wasn’t much for conversation, but not to take it the wrong way.

“It’s not that he don’t like ponies… err, people.” She told him, “He’s jes’ shy. He’s actually real nice an’ friendly, y’just gotta catch’im in the right mood.”

“Sounds great, Macintosh.” Donovan said with a small smirk as he sat down at the table, looking up to be greeted by smiles from the Apple Family’s youngest and oldest members: Applebloom and Granny Smith. “Morning, everybody.” Donovan greeted his new housemates.

“Hey there, sonny.” Granny Smith answered with another sweet smile, which melted Donovan’s heart. He couldn’t ever figure out why, but he’d always had a soft spot for grandmothers. Maybe it was their innocence, or their vast wisdom. Either way, a greeting from the elder only made Donovan’s smile grow.

“Howdy, Mr. Donovan!” Applebloom replied with a beaming grin. She was already reaping the benefits of living alongside the only human in Equestria; once she had heard the news from her older sister last night, Applebloom had told every colt and filly in her school that Donovan would be living in her house, receiving several curious, excited, and jealous stares from her classmates, as well as numerous applications to join the Cutie Mark Crusaders, the only criteria filled out on the sheet for most of them being that they ‘only wanted to join to see the hyooman.’

After a rather filling southern-comfort breakfast, everyone handed their dishes to Granny Smith to be cleaned and set about their daily chores on the farm. Little Bloom and Big Mac set out to the empty fields that still needed to be plowed, while Applejack lead Donovan to the barns to introduce him to the livestock. He was first acquainted with the cows; Bessy and Tina seemed to take an instant liking to him, while the others simply tolerated his existence, as they did with the Apple Family.

Applejack went on to show him how to milk them and clean their stalls before taking him through the other livestock structures. He met dozens of pigs, ducks, and chickens, greeting them all with a small smile and an occasional pat on their backs or rub of their feathers. He went about his share of the barnyard chores, cleaning half of the stalls and coops as well as harvesting eggs and milk, brushing the loose straws of hay into the corner, and filling the feeding troughs. Soon enough, it was high noon, and Applejack reached into her saddlebag to pull out two bagged lunches. She led Donovan out to a large clearing in the middle of a collection of apple trees, ripe for the picking. They sat down at the base of a large tree as Applejack set the two bags in the grass. “Ah reckon you’ve earned a lunch break right about now.”

“Yeah, I could eat.” Donovan replied with a sigh of relief as he sat back against the large tree trunk. He opened up his bag and pulled out what seemed to be a sort of calzone filled with beans and edible roots. It didn’t look too appetizing, but when he bit in he instantly regretted his initial skepticism. “Wow, did Granny make these?” He asked quickly before taking a second, much larger bite.

“Yeah, she makes sure we do more than just not go hungry. Her meals are the best Ah’ve had within twelve counties.” Applejack nodded in approval before looking over to her new human farmhand with a grin and a soft chuckle. “Slow down there, pardner; if yer not careful you’ll choke!”

Donovan gave a dismissive wave and smirked as he put the second half of the morsel in his mouth and nearly swallowed it whole. “Nah, eating’s never been much of a problem for me. Also, you ponies forget that I’m bigger than you. That includes my mouth.”

Applejack smirked again as she shook her head. “Ah bet eating like that drove Twilight crazy when you were livin’ with her. She’s almost as much of a prude about table manners as Rarity.”

“I got more than my fair share of magical floating spoon smacks on my knuckles.” He replied with a soft chuckle. “Yeah, she’s almost as bad as my-” The small smile Donovan was wearing quickly turned into a flat expression that Applejack was unable to read. “Anyway... “ The black haired human said, scratching the back of his neck. “What’s next on the list of work to be done today?”

“Well, Ah reckon we’re just about done on this side of the farm…” Applejack trailed off as she tried to think where Donovan could be the most effective. Suddenly her ears perk and she clicked her tongue as an idea came to mind. “Oh, Ah know! How’s about you go over to the wheat fields and help Mac plow the dirt? With yer size, it shouldn’t be hard fer ya at all!”

“Sure thing!” He replies as he stands up, his lanky frame so tall it allowed him to reach above him and grab an apple off a branch if he’d wanted to; but he’d just eaten, so he decided to shake the thought from his mind. “I’ll go find him, and we’ll be done ASAP!”

“That sounds swell, sugarcube. By the time y’all are done it should be jus’ about time to corral all the livestock back into the barn fer the night, so if’n you want, you and Mac can help me finish up with that, and we’ll all head back inside for dinner!”

Donovan started in the direction of the wheat fields as he threw a response back over his shoulder. “Got it, we’ll be there! See you later, Applejack!” He threw up a hand to wave to his boss and housemate, and within fifteen minutes he crested the final hill in the apple orchard and was greeted with the sight of Ponyville’s largest stallion, Big Macintosh.

“Hey, Big Mac!” Donovan called out, only to be greeted with a slow nod of Mac;s head in acknowledgement. “Applejack sent me over here, said with my size we’d get the fields plowed in no time.”

Mac took a few seconds to look Donnovan up and down before giving a small smirk. “Eeyup. G’ahead an’ strap that plow round yer neck and we can get goin’.” Donnovan tried to hide his surprise, shocked that Mac had taken enough of a liking to him already to say more than one word at a time to him. Nevertheless he didn’t dwell to much on the thought, and started strapping up to the plow, wrapping the leather belts around his shoulders in the fashion of a backpack rather than his neck, not wanting to choke himself. Mac strapped up to a second, slightly smaller plow, and the set to work, busting out nearly three times as much work as Mac would have been able to do with another pony farmhand. Both covered in sweat, the took the setting sun after hours of plowing as a sign that they’d done their share for the day.

The pair headed back to the barn to find that Applejack had finished herding the livestock inside all on her own. They made their way inside and rang the dinner bell, causing Applebloom to make her way inside from her clubhouse. Donnovan enjoyed another southern style home-cooked meal, standing after he was finished. “I’m sorry for doing this, everyone, but I won’t be able to help clean up the kitchen; I’ve gotta head into town to start my night shift at Vinyl Scratch’s club.”

“No worries, sugarcube.” Applejack replied with a smile. “You’ve done more’n enough round here today, g’on ahead. Just be ready to do it all again tomorrow. There’s a key under the mat fer when y’get back if we’re all asleep.”

“Awesome, thank you guys for everything.” He replied, a smile on his face as he headed for the door. “See you tomorrow!”

The apple family said their farewells for the night as Donnovan headed down the dirt road leading into town. As he made his way towards Ponyville, he gave a soft chuckle and looked up to the setting sun on the horizon. “Now, where have I seen this before? Two full time jobs, around a bunch of cool coworkers…”

There’s no place like home, but this is pretty damn close.

Author's Note

Phew, I'm glad I finally got back to working on this fic. Sorry for the filler chapter, especially this early, but there's far more substantial chapters to come real soon! As I'm typing this I've got the next chapter outlined and ready to start writing/ Thank you guys so much, I'm so happy to see how fast this story received support and constructive criticism. Keep it coming, folks!

Deuces, guys!

Visions

“Buck you! ...Shtupid *hic* hooman!” The obviously intoxicated pony slurred out of his mouth as he wobbled drunkenly outside of the club.

“Tch, whatever, fuckface, get lost!” Donovan threw over his shoulder, shutting the club door behind him as the heavy bass welcomed him back inside. “Ugh…” he groaned, holding his head as he made his way back to the staff lounge, taking his palm off his forehead and looking at what was now a handful of blood. “Shit…”

Just as he sat down on the couch that was definitely not meant for someone who sits the way a human does, he heard the song fade out and the crowd cheer before Vinyl’s voice blared through on the speakers lining the walls of the dance floor. “Thank you, you ponies all rock! Now up on stage for a quick 8-song set is my good friend, DJ Hightop!” The crowd cheered as the second DJ made his way onto the stage, Vinyl heading back into the staff room with happy sigh of relief, donning a few dozen glowsticks which illuminated her slightly sweaty fur. “Phew, what a night!” She said, her voice coming from around the corner to where Donnovan was sitting, trying desperately to not let his blood spill on the carpet.

“Hey, Vinyl.” He called out, the pony soon coming around the corner to greet her friend.

“Hey man, what’s u- Jeez, what the buck happened to you?” She asks in shock, mouth agape.

“It must’ve slipped my mind that you little shits kick. Really. Fuckin’. Hard.” He said, looking up to the DJ with a defeated expression.

“Shit, man, here.” The unicorn said, using her magic to swing open the fridge against the wall opposite of the two, floating out a bag of frozen peas, and a towel from a cupboard up above it, also making sure to toss two hay pockets into the microwave simultaneously.

“Thanks.” Donovan replied slowly as she set the cold pack on his forehead and dabbed the blood away with the towel.

“Don’t thank me; thank the drunk bastard who gave you that shiner, heh.” The tomboyish mare chuckled out before trotting over to the couch and sitting beside the human.

“Gah, it was my own damn fault;” He said with a sigh as he shifted a little, leaning back in a more relaxed stance once most of the blood had stopped flowing out of the gash in his head. “I tried to grab his hoof, shoulda just tugged him out by his mane. It’s a lot harder to wrangle something with four legs. Definitely won’t happen again… God, this hurts more than a tequila hangover…”

“Well, the good news is I’m off for the night, and that means you are too. Kinda cool how our shifts wrap up around the same time, eh? You can thank yours truly for that.” She said, eyebrows raising as the microwave beeped. “Ooh! Hay pockets~” She sang out in the commercial tune, swinging the door open and scarfing down the first microwave haysleeve in two bites.

“Great, so I can be spotted with a celebrity walking out of the club and get harassed by more alcoholic talking horses? You are truly in my good graces.” The dark-haired bouncer said with a chuckle.

“Wanh’ wun?” Vinyl asked through a mouthful of chewed up processed food, offering the second to her battered coworker.

“No thanks, I’ll take a few stoges if you have ‘em though.” He said, hope in his eyes as he massaged the bump he could already feel forming.

“Oh, yeah!” The white pony almost yells out before stuffing the second greasy snack down her gullet, reaching for her back in the corner, handing a pack of cigarettes to Donovan. “All yours. Consider it danger pay for that bucking to the face.”

“Thanks. Been lookin’ for smokes around here, but cant seem to find any… where’d you pick these up?” He asks as he holds a cigarette to his lips, the DJ simultaneously lighting the tip. He takes a long drag, suck it deep into his lungs and leaning back as he blew out a thick cloud of smoke; it had been a few days since his last smoke and he had started to suffer from withdrawals. “Ah, God I missed you, cancer.” he jokes as he looks at the lit tip of the cig, blowing off the dead ash.

“Yeah, it’s hard to find smokes in Ponyville.” Vinyl responded before letting out an obnoxious burp, digging through the fridge once more for a soda before looking at Donovan and nodding her head towards the back exit. With a soft sigh, the human stood, dumped the bag of peas on the counter, and followed behind her. “I usually get them in Canterlot when I have gigs out there, and some of my other DJ buddies bring me some when they visit the club here in town. I can get you, like, a pack a week or somethin, if that works for ya.”

“That’d be cool, man.” The new bouncer replied with a smirk. “How many - what do ya call it, Bits? Yeah, how many Bits would you want for a pack?”

“I’m not trippin’ too hard man, we’ll work that out later. For now, though, you should get home and keep icin’ that thing. I’ll see you next weekend, yeah?” Vinyl said before trotting away.

“Uh, yeah…” Donovan trailed off before heading back to the Acres, getting undressed and into bed as quietly as possible; though Big Mac had already rose from bed, preparing himself for the day’s farmwork. The stallion knocked softly on his door before poking his head in.

“AJ says it’s your day off… whenever you wake up, there’ll be a plate’a food downstairs for ya.” The stoic farmhand said to Donovan in his low voice.

“Great, thanks Mac.” He replied in a sleepy voice, expecting that to be the end of the conversation as he laid down and started to drift off to sleep, managing to hear one more thing from the horse before sleep took him.

“...There’s icepacks in the freezer for yer face, too…”

Donnovan awoke sometime in the early afternoon. He scratched his head as he stretched and yawned before standing and dressing himself, walking down to the Apple Family kitchen and eating his meal, entertaining the Cutie Mark Crusaders while he did so. He then decided to take a stroll out on the town; He’d been paid for his first days at the farm and club, and needed to get some things for himself. His first order of business was to pay Rarity back for the clothes she’d tailored for him. When he arrived, she realized that he’d need something along the lines of a saddlebag for humans, which he noted as a backpack, which she quickly tailored for him as well. After several minutes of her denying payment, he settled to stuff a small bag of bits in her mailbox on his way out.

Next, he stopped by the Ponyville Library to check out some books, which Twilight was happy to loan him. Knowledge is power after all! ‘Better than a lamborghini, right?’ He mused to himself with a soft, sarcastic smile. He’d picked up a few books that would certainly help him understand life around these horses a little better, including a geographical map and index of Equestria and the surrounding areas, an encyclopedia of the dangers and wildlife in the everfree forest, and a book detailing Equestrian civil law. Her only condition was that he allowed her to study him some more. Donovan agreed, as long as he didn’t have to be restrained or stripped; he offered to answer any and all questions she had instead, which was a deal she quickly accepted. They agreed to go out and have the conversation over dinner later the same night. He thanked her for the books and tucked them into his bag before giving Spike a fist bump and heading out onto the streets of Ponyville. He stopped by the market, buying enough food for himself that he wouldn’t have to worry about paying for an expensive meal at the club for a good long while.

With nothing to do really until dinner with Twilight later in the day, Donovan took a walk into the Everfree Forest, looking for a nice tree to read under. About three miles into the woods, he finds a large oak along a trail. Smiling, he sighs calmly as he sits down, pulling out one of the books he’d obtained and pulling a cigarette from the pack Vinyl Scratch had given him, striking a match and lighting the end, puffing it nonchalantly as he read up on Equestrian law. About five pages into learning about how sentient ponies handle a situation in which mommy smacks daddy with a two by four but daddy is also a heavy alcoholic, resulting in a gridlock of parental custody during the soon-to-come divorce, he realized that a strange sound was coming from deeper in the forest. He slid his matchbook nto the page he was reading, setting the book back into his bag and slinging it over his shoulder as he followed the sound. It wasn’t a threatening sound, more like a low hum or chant of some kind. He couldn’t make out the words, but there was a rhythm to it. It sounded like an incantation to a spell. He turned along the trunk of a large tree, a bright green glow laying across the foliage of the forest. Looking to the origin of the glow, he saw what looked to be a stereotypical witchdoctor’s hut. Curious, he stepped up the wooden porch, the words becoming clear as he looked into a window, watching a zebra with several gold rings around its neck and legs chant some sort of blessing, or spell as it poured ingredients into a cauldron, seemingly in a native tongue.

“Holy shit...”

“Ha! Demons stay away, or a violent price you shall pay!” The zebra calls out as in a low but feminine voice as she whirls around, eyes wide open, holding a spear of some sort in her foreleg.

Donovan called out in pain, her reaction had spooked him enough to cause him to jolt into a fully standing position, causing him to hit hi head and a beam that was sticking out from the top of one of the exterior walls. The human fell to the ground, gripping his head in pain. “Ah, shit…. Fuck!”

The zebra ran out to her porch, pointing the spear at Donovan, but soon her eyes widened and she stepped back, bowing her head in apology. “I am sorry, sir anomaly; for it was not a human I expected to see.”

“Uh, yeah no it’s fine, I guess, as long as you don’t stab me…” Donovan said as he stood up, holding his head and wincing in pain. “Fuck… wait, did you say anomaly? The rainbow pony queen said that, too. Why do you ponies - er, and zebras… love using that word? Have you really never seen a human before?”

“Come inside my hut, the story I will tell. And give you a remedy for your headache as well.” She replied, chuckling behind a hoof at the last part of her statement.

“Why are you rhyming like that?” Donovan asked, a bit annoyed at the cadence the zebra spoke with.

“I’m a magical rhyming shaman, is all that I should say, but what if I told you I’m just written that way?” She responds with a smirk.

“Uhh… what?”

The zebra chuckles lowly and shakes her head. “Nevermind that, human anomaly. Also, by the name Zecora is what you may call me.”

Donovan shook his head in confusion, squinting at the strange zebra. “Uh, yeah. Hi. Donovan.” He says, starting to walk with Zecora before pointing at her and gasping in shock. “Wait, you know what I am! You know what a human is!’

Zecora led the human inside, standing next to her cauldron as she began to pour two glasses of what seemed to be an herbal tea of some sort, nodding in response. “Indeed I do, have a drink with me; take a seat and I will tell you how your legend came to be.”

Donovan scoffed but took the tea and sat on a pillow that was next to the cauldron, still able to see over it as Zecora began to pour some strange looking ingredients into the cauldron, rhyming as she did so. “Timberwolf paw and soapstone dust, smoky quartz rock is also a must. Mix with centaur blood and eye of hippogriff… and the concoction shall show the ancient human myth…” A flash filled the room as she added the last ingredient, quiet screams emanating from the pot, slowly growing louder until it became too much to bear, Donovan covering his ears.

“What the fuck?!” He screamed, obviously more than a little freaked out by the orchestra of damning yells coming from this crazy Zebra’s witchcraft pot. Suddenly the screaming stopped, and the once sickly, neon green stew that had formed from Zecora’s alchemy turned to a thick, gooey black substance, dripping from the sides of the pot. Donovan simply stared at the strange event unfolding before him with an open mouth, now transfixed by the freaky but admittedly cool transformation.

Zecora turned to Donovan with an unreadable expression. “Look for yourself, and surely you shall see, just why you are brought here and what you’re meant to be.”

Slowly, and against every instinct in his body, Donovan stood and walked closer to the cauldron, the strange black liquid bubbling at the top. He leaned over the pot, looking for something, but was met with an unfortunate surprise when what looked to be tentacles shot out of the black plasma and clun to the back of his head, pulling his face into the void. “AHH-ffgh!” Zecora stood there patiently, not the slightest bit surprised at what had happened. Donovan’s hands punched and knocked at the sides of the cauldron for a moment before going limp.

Donovan came to moments later seeming to be in a black void, with no sense of space or dimension. He sat up holding his head, but before he had any time to question what had happened, a disembodied voice seemed to speak to him from everywhere at once.

A legend told long ago, forgotten by most. The anomaly will come, descend upon this world, and with it they will bring salvation and strife, from that of their own kind.

Donovan stared upwards, squinting in confusion as he tried to decipher what that meant. He felt something clawing at his thoughts; he’d heard this voice somewhere before, but he couldn’t place it. He whispered to himself in what could only be described as a tone of complete and utter disorientation. “What the… fucking fuck?”

Another voice spoke, much quieter and more timid, this one seemed to be female.

‘Is this him? Is this the anomaly…? He doesn’t look like much, will he be able to-’

Donovan whirled around as he heard another voice, authoritative like the first one he heard, but with a much more casual demeanor. Voice #1 was taking himself too seriously, it seemed.

‘Why do you always have to complain? Every time Dad picks someone, you always have to whine!’

‘Hm, okay, Voice #3, a bit of a bitch.’ Donovan thought to himself, so captivated by the raw power he could feel just through the voices of these seemingly godly beings that he didn’t dare to stop listening for one second. He could tell that he was way out of his own league, no way he was getting out of whatever the fuck this black void world was until these Powers That Be decided he could leave. Suddenly, two beings began to appear in front of him, slowly become less transparent until he could see them clearly, though an ethereal glow surrounded them still. Donovan managed to match the voices up soon enough. The seemingly more timid one was an reindeer with a form similar to Celestia’s, but taller and more slender, with deep green eyes and impressively long antlers. The bitch was easy to identify just by her chronic RBF. A majestic antelope, with an impressive physique for a female, a frame that could rival Big Mac’s, and a husky voice that just emanated raw strength and prowess; her sharp, piercing eyes only added to the ensemble. He watched as the two began to argue.

‘Well, I just feel bad for him, Panzera! He doesn’t even know what’s going on! Poor thing…’

‘Oh, come on, Lonnie! You really have to care about every mortal that comes around?’

‘Oh, have a heart, sis!’

‘Okay, I feel like I’m watching a demigod sitcom.’ Donovan deadpanned before being shook by a strong shout by the booming voice that he first heard when he awoke. Judging by the two arguing sisters’ reactions, it had enough power in it to shut them up too.

ENOUGH! Lonnirva, Panzera, quit this incessant bickering and tell the anomaly what he came here to hear.

‘Ugh, fine.’

‘Yes, Father.’

The two turned to him in unison. Panzera spoke first, in a very casual and cold tone.

‘Sup? In case you didn’t catch that exchange, I’m Panzera, this world’s goddess of power. And my nice little sister over there is Lonnirva, the goddess of protection. Anyways, enough about us, since dad obviously thinks you’re more important. You have a prophecy to fulfill here.’

Lonnirva continued from there, with a much happier and gentler demeanor. ‘That’s right! You were brought here out of necessity. A strong evil awaits you and your friends, and in due time you’ll face it.’

Donovan squinted his eyes in question as he attempted to get some more information. “Oh great, now I’m in the middle of a fucking storybook. Ok, I’ll bite.” He then held his hands up in a sort of mockery of stereotypical polytheistic priests in TV shows and movies. “O, great almighty goddesses, bless me with wisdom! What is this evil thing and how do I fuck it up?”

Panzera gave a chuckle and turned to her sister, pointing a hoof at Donovan. ‘Hey, you know what? I like this one, he’s got a sense of humor!’ She then turned back to address Donovan’s questions. ‘Well, we can’t tell you any of that yet. You’ll hear from us again before this whole thing goes down, but until then…’ She then stood up on her hind legs, holding a slowly materializing yellow ball above her head before hurling it at the human. Donovan’s eyes went blank, his pupils turning white as he was sent to his own mind’s eye. Though he couldn’t exactly see anything, visions ran through his head. It seemed as though he could feel everything all at once, as if he was contemplating all good and bad in the universe for the last million years all condensed into one moment. Pain, strength, sorrow, loss, fortune, love, hate, anguish, joy… it proved to be too much for the mortal human, and was enough to rouse him from this black void, throwing his conscience back into his physical body.

He gasped loudly for air as his head came back up from the cauldron, and he collapsed onto the floor of Zecora’s hut, panting heavily. “Ah, you’re back! Now relax, try to cope. You’ve learned something in this vision quest, I hope?” Zecora asked, waiting patiently for Donovan to answer her, seemingly expecting this type of response.

Donovan looked up with an almost fearful expression and began to retreat backwards towards the door, scooping up his backpack as he spoke in a shaky voice, sweat rolling down his face. “What the fuck did you do to me? I saw everything, felt everything… stay away from me!” He managed before turning and heading at a swift pace back towards Ponyville.

Zecora called out to him, not the least bit upset by his actions, staring out of the window of her hut as she watched him disappear into the heavy foliage of the Everfree Forest. “It’s okay, take some time to recover from this event. In time you will understand what your experience meant!”

Author's Note

Ah, it feels good to get the old writin' muscles working again! Hope y'all enjoyed this (very late) chapter. If you haven't read my most recent blog posts and are wondering why I haven't updated any stories on here in forever, I suggest reading them just so you're all caught up. Hopefully I can get on at least a semi-normal update schedule again, but for now...

Deuces, guys!

Hey, Donnie Donnie

Donovan laid casually in his bed, slowly rolling a golden bit between his fingers, sighing slowly as he tried to enjoy his day off. It had been a few weeks since his encounter with Zecora, and things had started to change for him so rapidly ever since. First and most importantly, after acquiring a few weeks of pay from the club and Sweet Apple Acres, he’d saved up enough to get his own place, He left the farm on good terms, but ultimately decided that he couldn’t continue to work there everyday. Although due to his size he was stronger than the ponies he worked with, the way that pony equipment was designed, well, it simply wasn’t fit for a human, and it started to show its effects more and more every day. He took Twilight’s advice after she ran some tests on him and decided to stop working at the farm to save his body from being strained in places it wasn’t meant to be. Scoliosis, joint damage, arthritis? No thanks! He did, however, tell Applejack that he’d be happy to help her if she did on occasion need an extra hand, and although he refused to plow the fields ever again, he knew he could pick apples off the trees much easier than any earth pony could. By the time it was all said and done, he did feel a bit sad about leaving the farm, but he knew that if he ever wanted to he could come back; the Apple family’s hospitality knew no bounds.

And so Donovan continued to work weekends as Vinyl’s security, and since it wasn’t enough income to make rent on it’s own, he’d begun to search for a more lucrative job during the week. He was surprised to receive a request from Pinkie Pie and the Cakes to come work for them at Sugarcube Corner, though once he arrived it made sense fairly quickly; due to his dexterous fingers he could decorate cakes much faster than any earth pony could, and decorate cakes he did. He never thought culinary work could be so tiring, but after eight hours of mixing dough, helping customers, memorizing recipes and icing and topping cakes, all while listening to Pinkie’s hyper, ADHD ass? He was definitely happy to have his own place to go home to and vent off his frustrations with a hot shower. He was more than happy for the accommodations his renter made for him when taking his taller stature into account: no more squatting in the shower, or nearly dragging his ass on the ground to take a shit! It’s the small victories that matter most, sometimes.

After recalling the events of the last few weeks, he made another attempt at thinking back to that strange afternoon at Zecora’s hut. What did it all mean? Was it even real, was it an illusion? Was Zecora just some kind of town prankster having fun at his expense? Given, of course, that ‘fun’ could be described as drugging someone with a concoction so strange that they have some sort of out-of-body experience, and epiphany/hallucination in which one talks to demigods, that is, completely from Donovan’s imagination or otherwise. No, it couldn’t be that simple. Maybe Zecora had no idea what that potion would do, maybe it’s different for everyone… either way, there’s no way a simple witch doctor mix could cause the kind of mental turmoil he’d felt when Panzera cast that spell on him…. There was definitely something more behind the whole thing. But his head was starting to hurt, and he didn’t exactly care to continue thinking about the state that interaction had put him in; he wasn’t able to function right for several days afterwards, his work at both the farm and club had suffered greatly, and although Applejack never complained to him about his change in performance, he knew she at least noticed it. He managed to shake the strange fog that day had put him in, for the most part, though he still had these moments where he thought back to it, and what it all meant, among other things. How was his family doing back on Earth? Would fighting off this ‘evil’ let him leave and go back home?

The more questions he asked himself, the further away the answers seemed to be. He sat up and soon got out of bed, herding the thoughts back to the Pandora’s Box that was the deeper parts of his mind. “Enough lazing around, I guess…” He mused aloud as he quickly showered and donned some casual clothes: jeans and a now slightly worn-out flannel; but he liked his clothes that way, the were just more comfortable after being broken-in, and it confirmed to him that they were put to good use. Clothes are meant to get dirty, after all. Just as he laced up his shoes he began to feel a sensation around his entire body that had recently become all too familiar. Twilight was summoning him. He threw his head back and sighed dramatically, hoping she was going to want something normal, borrow some sugar or something; but he’d now known her long enough to realize the chance of that was less than slim. “Ugh, fuuu-” he closed his eyes as a light flashed and then he was suddenly in the Golden Oaks Library, falling straight on his face unceremoniously, not even phased by the flop. “-uuck.”

The bookworm pony was on him in seconds. “Donovan, you’re here! Glad you could make it!” She called out, using her magic to lift him back to his bipedal stance. No matter how many times she used her horn’s abilities on him, he’d always be left with just a bit of nausea.

“Oh, yeah. Not like I really had a say in the matter.” He deadpans, using his hand to push his hair back, still unkempt and slightly damp, as he hadn’t got a chance to brush it; Twilight had rudely interrupted his morning routine. He put on his best customer service voice. “What can I help you with today, Ms. Sparkle?”

Either Twilight didn’t catch the sarcasm, or she just didn’t care to acknowledge it. Donovan found this strange; she always had time to throw a jab back at him, it was their silent agreement of common ground, friendship even. Despite being a rather likable pony right off the bat to most, his rocky start with her had evolved into what most would call, ‘tough love.’ Quickly turning on her hooves, she led Donovan up the spiraling stairs of the inside of the great oak’s trunk, towards her study. She seemed… rushed, somehow. She didn’t move any faster than normal, but Donovan could see it in her eyes, there was a sense of urgency, maybe even anxiety that she was trying to hide. “You’re gonna wanna see this.”

Donovan spoke nonchalantly, his stride matching in casual demeanor as he responded to the Alicorn. “Why me? Did you find a bunch of cellphones in the Everfree, or maybe some sad sap’s laptop, and you wanna check his browser history?”

“...huh?”

“Uh, never mind.”

The two made it to her loft and Twilight led them through what Donovan assumed was supposed to be a bedroom; it was a room, technically more of a loft, but there was a bed. Besides an isle of walking space, the rest of the floor was littered with stacks of books, towering much higher than even his own head. He looked around in awe as he mused. “Holy fuck… you read way too much, Purple…”

“Speaking of reading…” Twilight says, horn aglow as she spreads apart the stacks of papers on her desk, seeming to be looking for one in particular. “You might wanna read… this!” She calls out in triumph as she magically lifts one piece of yellowed paper with chicken scratch on it in front of his face. By the look on his face, Twilight could tell he was in shock. He goes through a range of facial expressions before settling on genuine shock and awe.

“T-Twilight,,,” he says, recognizing the barely-legible handwriting, his lips suddenly dry. He licks them in haste before continuing to speak, a slight falter in his voice being heard for the first time by the princess. “Where did y-... how?!” He says nothing more as he snatches the paper from the alicorn’s magical grasp, eyes flitting over the paper as he begins to read it.

‘Big bro,

I hope you’re out there somewhere… It’s Mallory, but I bet you could tell just from my god-awful cursive. Mom always said it was cute… I don’t know where the hell you are, but I can’t just believe that you up and abandoned us… Liam thinks you’re dead, but I don’t believe that… the police would’ve found your body by now, right? Speaking of police, it’s probably best you don’t come back around for a while. They’re trying to charge you with child abandonment/mistreatment, maybe even abuse. The don’t believe Liam when he says his bruises are from wrestling practice. I miss you, we all do. They put us in the foster home down on Hacienda St., but at least we’re all together. Donovan, I don’t know what happened to you, I don’t know where you are, hell, I don’t even know what my plan is to get this letter to you… but I hope it gets to you. Somehow, some way… come back, big bro. Please. We need you.

-Mallory’

Donovan reads the letter once. Twice. Three times. His hands go limp, and tears threaten to breach his eyes. He had his suspicions, but this confirmed it. This was real, this was all real. As his arms fall to his sides and the letter floats down to the wooden floor, he stares blankly ahead of him. Twilight’s ears fall flat against her head, she’d never seen Donovan in such a state. It was scary, to say the least; she couldn’t tell if he was sad, angry, broken… nevertheless, he deserved an explanation. She cleared her throat and nervously began to speak, softly.

“Um… Celestia sent that to me this morning. She said it came just how it is, no envelope, seal, or address… I have a theory that somehow, there may be some sort of magical entity or force intertwined with humans from your world, the same magic that sent you here somehow sent that letter here. I’m not sure how… but this can only aid us in our research! If you’d allow me to keep this letter, I can maybe study it and split the magic from it, or study it somehow, that way you wouldn’t need to be here all the time.” As she finished her spiel, she stands before the slender human, what was supposed to be a reassuring smile donning her face.

Donovan stood still, trying to process the information he’d just received. Slowly, he begins to speak. “So… I’m just supposed to sit here and wait, knowing that my family has no home now?” He asks, his voice shaking with emotion, his hands vibrating as he balled them into fists. He hung his head, and once again somehow managed to hold up the dam that was holding back his tears. “I’m just supposed to be okay with being… useless in this whole thing? What the fuck… What the FUCK?!” He growled out, stomping his foot hard enough for the whole library to echo with the loud, heavy sound of boot on wood. He stared at Twilight for a few lingering moments before hanging his head and sighing. “I’m… sorry. I know you’re doing all you can… but this… this is just a fucking mess.” He held his head with one hand, the other fishing something out of his pocket. He headed towards the balcony connected to Twilight’s study and stood out on it, able to see most of Ponyville form the vantage point.

He pulled out of his pocket a pack of cigarettes and a matchbook, quickly lighting one and taking a thick drag off of it, blowing a hefty cloud of smoke into the air. Twilight followed him out onto the the balcony, eyes softening as she saw the struggle on his face. She held up a hoof and gently pressed it against his hip in an attempt to soothe him. “I’m so sorry, Donovan… I can’t even imagine how you feel right now, Celestia-knows how far away you could be from your world, with no known way of returning… I know what it’s like to feel helpless, too…” She said as she hung her head, looking down onto the walkways of Ponyville, its citizens smiling and chatting as they go about their daily life.

Donovan took one look at the purple pony’s expression and knew she was being genuine. Her face bore the weight of hefty decisions and impossible ones alike, in that moment. It seemed not everything in this world was sunshine and rainbows; this princess had seen some shit. “I’m… sorry to hear that. You know… when I first showed up here, with everything being so nice and happy all the time, I thought, ‘there’s no way any of this is real; it’s just a dream or something.’ But now, what with everything that’s happened, the jobs I’ve gotten, friends I’ve made, and the, um, letter just now… I can tell, it’s all real. And although I wanna go back, NEED to go back… part of me wishes I could stay, or bring my family here. There may be evil in this world, but if there is, I’ve yet to see it. It’d be a great place for them to grow up in, to live in…”

As Twilight listened to this, a question came to mind, one the she’d been curious of since the human arrived in Equestria. “Donovan… what’s it like, back home? Is it really so bad that you don’t want to go back…?” She turned to look at the human as she awaited a response.

Donovan gave a slow nod as he took a slow drag of his cigarette, inhaling deeply before speaking. “It’s horrible, Twi…” He confirms before blowing a thick cloud of tobacco smoke, which quickly dissipated in the clean Equestrian air. “It’s basically the complete opposite of everything I’ve seen here. Everyday, there’s theft, violence, murder, affairs, death from heavy drug use, prostitution, corruption… we have countries that thrive financially, yet still some citizens within them starve and live in poverty; I worked 70 hours a week and still fell short on rent regularly, but I was living in first-world country, while just an ocean over, children starve and eat bugs and dirt cakes to survive, not even able to put clothes on their backs. There’s massive ongoing wars, bombs and other man-made killing machines used every single day... “

Twilight’s face slowly contorted in horror as she heard Donovan speak of his own world. When he sees her face, he gives a slow confirming nod and continues. “It’s not all bad, of course. There are many people trying to make it a better place, but it seems like the higher-ups that have all the money and power just don’t want peace or equality of outcome. As long as they can stay in their little isolated bubble filled with money, abundant food, good health, and protection from the outside world, they could give a fuck less about the rest of humanity. But we have good institutions. Child protection services, police stations, charities, churches that aren't all about the money… I can imagine a worse place to live, but… it’s certainly nothing like it is here.” He says, gesturing out to the beautiful, smog-free, happy-go-lucky land before him that was Equestria; more specifically Ponyville. “Here, everyone’s just so good to each other. Always willing to help one another. So… so…”

“Friendly?” Twilight asks with a smile, continuing after Donovan nods to her. “Mhmm… I’m proud to say that I’m a leader to these friendly ponies… Equestria has always been known for it’s friendliness and hospitality. The one war we were ever involved in, we solved diplomatically, before many lives were lost, and now we have a stronger relationship with the Griffons than ever before. Celestia’s a great leader, and I’m to be ranked among the likes of her, Luna, and Cadence in terms of status. I could do without all the bowing and royal celebration all the time, though, which is why Celestia put me here in Ponyville. I’m not much for those Canterlot folk. And to think I used to live there, heh…”

Donovan smiled at Twilight, realizing that she, just like him, wasn’t always where she belonged, she had to work hard to be with her position in life, and it made him see her in a different light. She wasn’t just a princess, she was, truth be told, more human than most of the people he’d encountered back home. Now that was a strange thought, a pony with more humanity than a human…

The princess and anomaly talked for a few hours more in greater length about what made their worlds different, among many other things, such as the (basically static) progress of Equestria’s research on a way to get Donovan back home, or just how he got to Equestria in the first place, how he was adjusting to life among ponies, and even a few jokes and wise cracks. Although he hadn’t forgotten about Mallory’s note to him, the conversation really helped Donovan calm down, and deal with the fact that he’ll just have to wait until further insight develops around all the goings-on with his world-jump. For now, he’ll just have to keep living life. If he was being honest, he actually found the change of pace nice. Not that he didn’t miss his family; he certainly did, more than anything. But, it was nice to just have to take care of himself for the first time in years.

Eventually, the two came back inside, finishing up Donovan’s visit with some tea as they talked casually about their plans for the day. Donovan leaned back in his chair, lifting it up on two legs. “Yeah, I was just thinking about maybe going by Sugarcube Corner, see what Pinkie wants. She asked me to come by at some point today, but she wouldn’t say what for.”

“Sounds to me like she wants to be more of a friend to you.” Twilight ponders, holding her tea in a magical grasp. “You know, Donovan, despite being kinda scared of you at first, a lot of the ponies around here wanna get to know you, hang out with you, even, You’re interesting, to say the least; I bet you’ve got tons of crazy stories from your life back home, tight?”

“That’s one way t put it, heh… Yeah, I guess I should get out of the house more when I’m not at work. All I’m doing by being a shut-in is digging into my cigarette stash, which won’t do me any good. Besides, you ponies are pretty cool too.” Donovan says, smiling as he finishes his tea, standing up and stretching a bit. “Well, Twi, thanks for the company. Really helped take my mind off of stuff, but I should get goin’, you’ve probably got some more studying to do, right?” He prods teasingly, yet knowing it’s probably the truth.

“Yeah, I’m up to my mane in work, hehe. But it’s nice to take a break every once in a while. This was nice for me, too. And, you know, Donovan, if you ever need to talk about anything… I’m here.” She says in a sweet tone, smiling as she looks up to the human.

“Thanks, really that means a lot… I’ll come by soon for some more books and maybe a chat, okay?” Donovan calls back to the mare as he heads for the door.

“Mhmm, sounds great! See ya, Donnie!” The alicorn responds before closing the door behind him.

Donovan smiles as he heads towards sugar cube corner, shaking his head a bit at the nickname, recalling that Pinkie, too, had called him by it more than a few times when they work together at the bakery. ‘Donnie, huh? It’s got a nice ring to it, I guess.’

Author's Note

Man, was this chapter a pain in the ass to write! Writer's block just really got a hold of me on this one, but I soldiered through it as best I could! Hope you guys are still enjoying this story. HiE fics are still cool... right?

Deuces, guys! :pinkiehappy:

Estrus Escape

Things had been going well for Donovan in this strange land of Equestria for quite some time, now. Steady work, even steadier pay (inflation wasn’t even close to being an issue here, compared to how crippling it had become back home.), and contrary to Twilight Sparkle’s claims that there was always some sort of disruption going on, whether it be in the form of an Ursa Major, Changelings, or any other number of creatures with which Donovan had a hard time believing in their existence, things were relatively calm here in Ponyville.

At least, they had been until this morning: the dawn of Estrus.

Despite his new friends imploring him to prepare for this upcoming week, he’d crudely underestimated their warnings, and now he feared that his poor apartment couldn’t take much more abuse, as a herd of mares, pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns alike, were trying desperately to get a piece of the one-of-a-kind male in their town. He wasn’t a hundred percent sure why, but he had a few theories. Firstly, these ponies weren’t stupid; because he was so much larger than any stallion in town, it would stand to reason he’s probably more endowed than most. He also threw around the idea that maybe whoever might’ve been able to pounce him would’ve had some sort of bragging rights, being the first to… ‘endorse’ the new anomalous species.

Either way, he wanted none of it. Sentient or not, he still saw more than a little perversion in fucking one of those things, and he wasn’t even close to desperate enough to fall for the pleas he was currently able to hear through the thin walls of his home, an uncountable number of voices calling out to him coupled with hooves knocking on the outside of the structure sounding like thunder, just about ready to literally tear the place down.

“Come on out, darling, I’ll make you a nice dinner before you rut me like a broodmare!~”

“You’re a hooman, I’m a mare, you don’t need to worry about foals, it’ll be fun!~”

“Ever rutted on a cloud before, big guy?~”

“You’ll be surprised what magic can do; come on out and I’ll show you~”

Donovan was sitting against the door, bracing it against the hard impacts of hooves and magic alike, while also occasionally looking up to make sure the army of pegasi on his roof hadn’t broken through yet. ‘Jesus, these mares are crazy, I really should have listened to Twilight…’ He thought, mentally cursing his own neglect on the matter. He heard a few hollow impacts on his roof before some crumbling could be heard, if he didn’t move fast, this place would come down right on top of him. ‘Come on, think, think! … Ah-ha!’ He snapped his fingers as he prepared to set his plan into motion, making sure his boots were laced up and ready for a wind sprint. ‘Here we go,’ He thought to himself as he mentally planned out his route to the Everfree Forest in his mind, making sure to stay under canopies as much as possible to keep the pegasi away. ‘One… two…’

Crash!

Donovan looked up just in time to see a section of the ceiling crumbling on it’s way down to him. ‘Fuck, three!”

He twisted the door handle and threw his shoulder against the wood, sending a mob of mares that were leaning against it flying back, clearing a path for him. He took off like a bullet, thankful now for his slender frame and long legs. He managed to shake off a few magical attempts to pull him back by a couple of the unicorns. He could’ve sworn he saw Rarity and Twilight somewhere in the horde, but he had no time to stop and check; not like he especially wanted to confirm his suspicions, anyways. He sped through town as a gaggle of pegasi flew overhead, trying to keep their eyes on him, led by none other than the obnoxiously loud (and apparently cock-hungry) Rainbow Dash. Somehow he managed to escape the watch of Equestria’s fastest flier as he cut through a few covered alleyways and managed to lose the entire group, just about a quarter mile before a thick canopy of trees on the outskirts of town. His lungs and throat burned, but he pushed on until he felt the cool air of the forest and the sound of chirping bugs and woodland creatures, courtesy of the Everfree. As soon as he ducked into its natural shade, he collapsed against a tree, gasping desperately for air.

A few cigarettes and about half an hour later, Donovan stands and slowly makes his way deeper into the foliage. ‘Okay, I got away from those crazy ponies… now what?’ He thinks to himself, honestly not imaging he’d make it past the crowd of mares.

He aimlessly wandered along the woodland path, stopping as he heard a familiar voice. “D-Donnie, is that you…?” The slender human stops dead in his tracks silently cursing himself as he suddenly realized where he was. He knew Fluttershy lived just a few miles into the forest, he’d been to her cottage twice before!

Resigning himself to his fate, he turned around, holding the back of his neck and giving a half hearted smile. “Fluttershy! Heh… hey there.” He started casually, hiding his surprise as he didn’t see any sort of lust in those big, soft, blue eyes. Between all of the cute little ponies in this strange world, he admittedly found the shy cream-yellow pegasus to be one of the most, if not the absolute, cutest of them all. Maybe it was the timid nature, or the soft voice that was easy on the ears, or her unconditional love and passion for wildlife, the way she stuck to her craft and worked tirelessly at keeping every animal happy and healthy. Whatever it was, he was sure he wasn’t the only one who thought of her as such. “Boy… heat season sure is crazy, huh?” Although he tried to hide it, a bit of fear seeped through his normally ‘calm, cool and collected’ expression.

Donovan steeled himself and had to actively tell himself not to flinch as Fluttershy took a step closer, a red undertone on her cheeks as she chuckled behind a foreleg. “H-Hehe, yeah… d-don’t worry about me, though, Donnie, I, erm… i-it doesn’t… get to me the same way it does most mares…~”

Donovan visibly relaxed as she informed him of this, his shoulders sagging in relief. “Phew, thank God… I wouldn’t have the heart to run away from you, too, heh.” He said it only out of concern for the pony’s horribly apparent thin skin, not wanting her to think that he saw her as some sort of sex-driven monster or anything of the sort, but he could’ve sworn he saw her wiggle, just the slightest bit, after he spoke.

“Oh, yes… it gets a little… hectic in Ponyville during this time of the year, you see, Equestria’s gender ratio is very lopsided…” Fluttershy gently nods her head in the direction of where Donovan assumed her cottage was before she turned and proceeded to lead him along the trail as he quietly followed, listening to her speak, straining to hear her naturally quiet voice. “It’s bad enough in Canterlot, with a ratio of about five mares to every stallion, but the gap is even larger in Ponyville, with a ratio of almost eight to one.”

Donovan nodded slowly, making sure to stay in close proximity to his animal-loving friend, so as not to get lost; he hadn’t exactly taken the time to make a mental note of where he’d been thus far into the forest, so getting out without a guide would be a bit of a pain. “I see. I was wondering why there are so many mares out and about looking for, err… mates. Makes a lot more sense now. Still, doesn’t that boast a bit of a problem? I mean, I can’t imagine this place being as happy as it is with so many single mares all the time.”

Fluttershy nods, seeming to have expected the question. “Well, single probably isn’t the right word… you see, in modern pony culture, it isn’t uncommon for one stallion to have what we call a ‘herd.’ While the stallion is usually only married to one, maybe two of the mares, he supports relationships with an average of anywhere from five to seven mares. This mostly matters during Estrus, so that the mares have someone to, err… satisfy their needs, you could say. Also, ponies have one of the highest rates of same-sex romance and marriages, which helps to compensate for the gender disparity.”

Donovan was a little taken aback at the way Fluttershy was speaking. She sounded almost like Twilight with the amount of knowledge she had on the subject. He relented after realizing, however, that most ponies probably know about this dilemma, if not all. It’s a large part of their culture, after all. “I see… so, basically, to help close that gap, you guys have a lot of lesbianism and harems.” He says with a decided nod, never being much for subtlety.

“That’s… one way of putting it, y-yes…” Fluttershy says, her face growing a shade darker as she responds to his comment just as her hooves hit the wood on her porch. “Okay, h-here we are… Would you like to come inside, maybe? F-for some tea, I mean!” She says quickly, not wanting her intentions to be misconstrued.

Donovan fought to suppress a chuckle, seeing Fluttershy get so flustered; truth be told, with her shy, timid nature, (which again, he found adorable,) he couldn’t ever imagine Fluttershy partaking in any sort of sexual or devious act; in his eyes she was too pure for that, so it made sense that she wasn’t heavily affected by carnal urges during Estrus. He even found himself on more than one occasion trying his best (and usually failing) to hold back any crude language around her, not wanting to expose her virgin ears to such curses. He found it almost comical, a pony too pure even for some things in this world. Digressing, he gave a short nod of his head and a soft smirk. “Tea sounds great, Flutters.”

Donovan attempts not to die from a cuteness overload as the pegasus does her trademark shy expression, hiding most of her face behind her cotton-candy-pink mane, blushing a deep shade of red. Somehow, he succeeds, surviving to live another day despite the mare’s impossible level of adorableness.

He sat at the small coffee table, settling for a criss-cross position on the floor of her woodland cottage, as the couch was much too small for him to sit on comfortably, and his current seating allowed him to be close enough to the table that he wouldn’t have to bend over too much to reach anything on it. He waited patiently as the animal loving pony brewed some tea in the kitchen, looking her way as he heard the kettle whistling. “So, what’s brewing today, Fluttershy?”

“Oh, just some ginseng root tea... hoof-picked from the Everfree.” the pegasus replied quietly, walking back to the coffee table with a tea tray on her back, perfectly balancing two steaming cups of tea and a pitcher. To this day, Donovan was still flabbergasted by the amount of dexterity these ponies had, they could put most humans to shame. Well, except for Derpy…

Fluttershy sighed softly as she stretched out her wings before sitting at the table with Donovan, grasping a cup of tea between her feathers. “Mmm… I love this blend, it always smells so nice~” the shy pegasus’ ears flitted about cutely as she gushed, before she centered herself and turned to her bipedal friend. “So, what’s new, Donovan? Er… besides being chased by a group of mares…”

Donovan chuckled before picking up his own cup of tea and leaning back on his other hand. “Heh, well, not too much, really…” He lied, tapping the side of his cup a few times as he stared at the cute pony looking up at him. Relenting with a sigh, he closed his eyes for a moment before correcting himself. “Actually, that’s not entirely true… I assume Twilight hasn’t told you or the other girls yet.”

“O-Oh? Well, no, I haven’t heard anything from Twilight about you recently... Is everything okay?” She asked, her soft blue eyes assuring him that she was a safe ear to lend to.

In Fluttershy’s words, he heard an echo of Twilight’s offer when they spoke not long ago. ‘And, you know, Donovan, if you ever need to talk about anything… I’m here.’

“Uhh…” Donovan answered, abit unwilling at first, but when he looked over again and saw Fluttershy’s expression, he relents; he wouldn’t feel right lying to her. They were friends, after all.

“Well…” He begins, holding the back of his neck in a tense position, obvious that whatever was eating at him was really stressing him out. “As you and the girls know, I’ve got a family back where I’m from.”

“Oh, yes! Your siblings, right? Mallory, Liam, Lilly and Nikki.” She repeats the information her human friend had once confided in her, among other select few. “I hope they’re doing okay without their big brother…” She says in a more deflated tone.

“Yeah, that’s the thing…” He continues, following up with a summary of the letter Twilight had shown him, and an update on the painfully slow progress of research into Donovan’s world and how to link it to Equus, the world he was now stuck in. After the long winded recap, Donovan huffed and sipped his tea, while his free hand cradled his head. “Ugh, all this crap is giving me a headache…” He groans, sipping more of his tea; Fluttershy’s herbal blends always seemed to help whatever ailed him.

“Wow, Donnie… I’m… I’m…” Fluttershy trails off, seeming to look through her bipedal friend as tears well up in her eyes. It doesn’t take long for Fluttershy’s fragile barrier to crumble, and light sobs fall from her mouth as tears follow down her face. “I’m so sorry... “

Donovan is caught off guard by this, quickly trying to reassure her. “Hey, Flutters, its okay! It’s not your fault this happened, you don’t need to-”

“No, not that!” She interrupts; a rare occurrence for the timid pony, but she quickly explains herself. “I-I mean… *sniff* you’re going through this horrible separation and have no way of knowing if they’ll be okay without you, and I’ve just been planning to… to…” She trails off, hiding her face behind her mane as she finishes her statement. “I was planning on… t-trying to… m-mate with you… because of estrus-s…” She sits there, defeated, a shell of herself, devastated by the thought that, knowing he was lured inside on false pretenses, Donovan might not want to be friends with her anymore.

“Fluttershy…” He says quietly, as she flinches in preparation for the worst. He smiles and moves closer, pulling her into a tight embrace. “You silly ponies…” he chuckles, fluttershy gasping in surprise at the act, but quickly accepting it nonetheless.

“Y-You’re not mad…? But I.. I lied to you…” She says, awestruck by his compassion.

“Why would I be mad? I may not know much about this world, but I know enough about my friends here to tell when something’s off. I wasn’t gonna let anything happen that you might regret later. Besides, it’s either stay here with one estrus-ridden mare, or get bombarded by the herd of ponies outside trying to chase me down.” He explains in a soft voice, much like he’d done with Mallory in the past whenever she was upset due to school drama with boys and such.

It took a while for Fluttershy’s crying to dwindle away, and Donovan was happy to let her lay against him as he helped soothe her worries; eventually they both lay there, asleep, The pegasus curled up in his lap as they slept peacefully through the night.

Fluttershy was the first to awake in the morning, awoken by a hungry Angel bunny, as was to be expected. Not wanting to wake her human friend, she slowly got up from his lap and made her rounds, feeding all the animals in and around her cottage before setting to work in her quaint kitchen, cooking up a breakfast for two.

Donovan awoke to the smell of a delicious home-cooked meal and stretched as he roused himself, his joints crackling and popping loudly as he lets out a groan. “Nghh… is it morning already?” He asks, to which Fluttershy responds as she walks into the room with a tray full of food on her back. “Oh, yes. We must’ve slept at least ten hours!” She confirms. “You must be hungry, Donnie… I-I made some breakfast, if you want…”

He smiles and gives her mane a pat and light scratch, something he’d learned most of these ponies enjoy greatly. “Thanks Flutters, I’m starving.”

The cute pink-maned pony smiled appreciatively at the attention, setting the tray on her small coffee table and sitting next to DOnovan, accepting more headpats as they both ate in silence for a few minutes. She broke the silence with a soft blush and clearing of her throat. “U-Uhm… Donnie, since its pretty, um… dangerous in Ponyville for you for the next few days… would You maybe want to stay here until Estrus is over? I-I promise I won’t, you know, um… try anything.”

Donovan wastes no time in giving a response. “I think that’d be the smart choice, yeah.” He chuckles, lightly scratching her scalp. “Plus, you probably don’t get much help from folks, being on the outskirts.

“Oh, well, Zecora helps occasionally, since she’s so close… but yes, I don’t get much help, except for my animal friends, of course. Isn’t that right, Angel Bunny?” The cute snow white rabbit thumped out a response before hopping back to his bed and settling down in it.

“Zecora. Right…” Donovan trails off, wondering whether he should talk to her about the strange vision the Zebra had induced on him, but thinking better of it and deciding to let sleeping dogs lie. “A little strange, isn’t she?” He asked, scratching at the light stubble that was beginning to form on his jawline; He needed to shave soon, his beard never grew in evenly. Though, that probably wasn’t anything Twilight’s magic couldn’t fix.

The hours went along as they went from talking idly to taking care of all of the Everfree’s friendly animals Fluttershy had made accommodations for; they fed the creek’s fish and the forest ceiling’s birds, retindered their nests along with rebedding the chicken coop. They shined turtle shells and pulled a sliver from a surprisingly friendly bear’s paw. It all seemed to blur together, adn Donovan didn’t mind helping; Fluttershy certainly seemed to enjoy the company. Before they new it, Estrus had ended without further incident, and Donovan was ready to go back to his own (hopefully not destroyed) home.

“Well Flutters, I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy getting away from the excitement of town for a few days, but rent’s gotta get paid, so I should get back to the old grind.” He says as the two walk out onto Fluttershy’s porch. The pegasus flew up to eye level and embrace the human as she spoke in her sweet, soft tone.

“Yes it’s nice to have somepony, err… someone else out here from time to time… you’re always welcome to stop by, unannounced or otherwise…” She looks away and trails off before lightly blushing and booping her nose against the human’s cheek. “Make it home safe, Donnie… I’ll see you around…~”

The tall human smiled and slowly disengaged their embrace, nodding and giving a wave to both Fluttershy and Angel who’d joined them for their farewells as he headed down the beaten path back to Ponyville.

His trip back to his rented home wasn’t without event, though; several mares would come up to him, red in the face and apologizing profusely. He gracefully waved off their worries as quickly as he could, as he was ready to get home. Fluttershy’s cottage was cozy, but a pony-sized couch wasn’t exactly comfortable for a human, let alone one that stood at over six feet tall. Eventually he found his way to that familiar front door and stepped inside, not even bothering to kick off his boots as he collapsed onto that ever-so soft mattress, sighing in relief as he muttered a quiet but genuine affection.

“Home sweet home…”

Author's Note

MAN, does it feel good to get another chapter out on this story. I love the Canterlot High fic but this story has been so fun for me, and I'm so proud that I've been able to get along writing it on my own! Let's hope we can keep the gears turning on this story!

Deuces, guys!