Her Dying Heartbeat

I snapped awake when my phone went off. The room was dark, either I hadn’t been asleep long, or I’d slept completely through the day. I pushed that thought aside and concentrated on finding my phone. I could hear the ringing, somewhere. I was groggy, and had a little edge of my headache left, so it took me a few seconds to clear my head. I lifted random things with my magic, being too lazy to get out of bed. I finally located the stupid thing under a discarded shirt. I tapped my hoof to the green circle. Assuming my DJ personality, I put on a smirk. “Yo, DJ PON-3 talkin’.”

“Dee jay pone…three? Pardon me, I must have the wrong number, I was looking for Vinyl Scratch. I’ll hang up now.”

“Woah, woah, hol’ up, you got the mare.” I couldn’t quite place the slightly distorted voice in my sleepy state. Thanks to my walls being reinforced for soundproofing, I never got good reception in my room. And the caller ID was just a number, which only told me it wasn’t in my contacts. Not much help there.

“Sorry, what?” the voice replied, sounding confused.

“This is Vinyl Scratch.” I rolled my eyes.

“Vinyl? Celestia’s sake, why did you call yourself that… peculiar name?”

It clicked then, when I realized there were few people that’d have my number that weren’t in my contacts… including a certain caramel-colored unicorn I’d had a talk with yesterday. “Wait… Doc?”

“Obviously. Quit fooling around and get your flank down here.”

“I wasn’t- Okay. How soon do I need to be there?”

No response came, and a glance at the screen told me that Doc Horse had hung up. I shook my head, tossing the phone on the bed. “Ugh, why does he want me there again? Aw, it’ll come to me…” I yawned. “…once I wake up.”

I hopped off the bed, and immediately yelped in pain. “What the-” My voice died as I surveyed the carpet of glass shards coating my floor. “Oh.” The memory came to me, calm and cool, and I sank to my haunches as the weight of what had happened returned to my shoulders. A glance at the bed revealed the Pinot Noir that I’d clung to like a teddy bear all night.

And then I realized something, and panic shot through me. If the Doc was calling me, something was happening. “Buck!” I quickly pushed a load of glass aside with my magic, making a path to the door. I sprang down and burst out to the street at full gallop, slamming the door behind me in my haste.

I didn’t slow down until I was right at the reception desk. Trying to stop too quickly, I slid forward on the freshly-waxed floor and knocked into the desk, falling on my rump. I scrambled to right myself. “Where’s Octavia?!” I shouted, not bothering to brush myself off nor fix my now-wild mane.

The receptionist had a look like a startled rabbit for a moment before regaining a professional look. “A-ah, well, third floor, but visitors are restricted right-”

“Not if I have a say, which I believe I do,” said a calm, steely voice. The receptionist jumped, reddening sheepishly. “Took you long enough, Vinyl. Come on, we must hurry.”

I almost felt bad for the poor receptionist, but my mind was elsewhere. “I galloped the whole way here, Doc!” I complained, following after him.

The unicorn glanced back at me skeptically, maneuvering neatly around a passing nurse with a cart of medicine and other things. “You call that a gallop? You’re going soft.”

“Being a DJ doesn’t usually involve that kinda stuff, sue me,” I retorted, glad to have something to distract myself from the worry, at least momentarily.

“Hmph.”

Silence rose as we made our way quickly up the stairs. I was still blinking away the last vestiges of sleep, so I had to really concentrate to avoid tripping as I raced up. Finally, we went through a door, leading into a hallway that branched off into… more hallways. I would have stopped and stared, overwhelmed and unsure, but Doc Horse’s confident strides urged me to keep moving forward.

He led me to a door, just like every single one in the mad labyrinth of a place we were in, and turned to face me. “Octavia is in here. Are you prepared for this, Vinyl?”

I hesitated. Once that door was opened, I couldn’t kid myself anymore that it was all a dream. I’d have to face the music. It scared me. I was terrified that I didn’t know what was happening, what would happen, none of that, but at the same time, what if I went in there and I found out she was gonna die? I was scared to know the truth. I shook my head. “No… I’m not ready.”

“Thought not. In you go,” he said, and he opened the door.

“Wh-hey! I just said-”

“And every moment you’re hesitating is a potential moment with her that you’re throwing down the drain.” He sighed. “I know you’re scared. But we don’t know how long she has left. We’ve done just about everything possible… it’s up to her now to push through.”

I lowered my head in shame. Silently, I walked past Doc and into the room.

One of the things I hated about hospitals was… the smell. No, I don’t mean puke, or blood, or sickness, and I don’t mean the cleaning products they use. I mean the smell of death.

Yes, that’s a smell. Not the rotting of a corpse, that’s not what I mean. I mean death. I smelled it plenty on the battlefield, and at the occasional funeral I went to. It’s sort of like the taste of hot water - you can’t really describe it, but if it’s there, you know it.

That’s what I smelled in this room.

Octavia, that beautiful mare, was hooked up to all kinds of machines, breathing slow and shallow as she slept. She had a large gauze patch over one eye, and was wrapped in bandages pretty much everywhere. I felt a huge pang of guilt, and I felt sick to my stomach.

“Vinyl, there’ll be time to be sick later. Don’t waste this time,” Doc gently reminded me.

I nodded, forcing my stomach to calm down. I nervously walked over to Octavia, sitting down on the floor as I stared at the beauty that I’d broken. A machine nearby beeped in time with her heartbeat. I liked it, in a strange way. It would be a good beat for a dubstep song, I’d have to remember-

No. This time is for Octavia, I reminded myself.

A few things beeped, and Doc went over to check them. He glanced up at me. “If you’ve got something to say, you might want to, in case she goes south.”

Staring at the beautiful, broken mare in front of me took my words away, but I swallowed, and took a breath, letting it out slowly. “Hey… Hey Octy, it’s… It’s me, Vinyl.”

Naught but the ever-constant beeping of her heartbeat filled the silence.

“I… I’m sorry,” I said, and winced. “Ah, that sounded lame, even to me.” I laughed sadly. “But… I mean it. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you. I… I saw things. Things from when I was… in the war. Yeah,” I chuckled sheepishly, “I kinda lied to you about that… Sorry. But, I had an episode, and I thought-” I sniffled, and wiped away the tears I hadn’t noticed forming. “-I thought you were an enemy, I thought you were coming for me. I’m so sorry… I would never hurt you. Never. I’d throw away my sound board, my speakers, everything before I hurt you. Because…” I hesitated, then choked back a sob. “Because I love you, Octy!”

I sniffed loudly, trying to keep from breaking down. “I know I’m a poor roommate. I drink, I play music all times of the night, I’m annoying, but… you, you’re amazing. You put up with my bad habits, alcohol problem, all my bucking nonsense n’ all the junk I cause. I could walk to every corner of Equestria and not find another mare that would stick around like you have. You’re bucking amazing, and I… I took it for granted.”

I jumped slightly in surprise when a glowing, floating box of tissues bumped into my snout. I nodded my thanks to Doc, who returned it, walking out to give me some privacy. I wiped away the tears as best as I could.

“Octavia… You’re the most amazing thing in my life. All the music in Equestria couldn’t even come close to comparing with you…”

I hesitated, then put my front hooves on the bedside. I leaned over, looking at her, the most amazing thing, and I gently, gently touched my lips to hers. I backed up, sitting dejectedly on the floor. “…That’s all I had to say, Octy. I don’t even know if you can hear me, but… Please, please stay with me. I can’t lose you…”

I sat by the wall, bringing the tissue box with me, taking another one out and wiping up myself a bit. I was a little messy from all that blubbering… I chuckled sadly to myself. Octavia would pretend to be shocked that I was crying, if she were here. I knew that she’d be hiding her own tears, though. I smiled. Proper mare to the core. Well, almost. She’s got a little rebellious streak, and I love that about her…

I sighed. I didn’t have anything else, no more words. Not even music. I had a beat, though. That beeping, repeating with every beat of her heart.

Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…Beep…

I listened to that slow, repetitive sound, and I began to feel a little sleepy. I leaned my head against the wall, closing my eyes. I drew closer and closer to sleep, everything around me seeming to slow down as I drifted off…

Wait.

Something wasn’t right.

I think it was my music sense that tipped me off. But I noticed that it wasn’t just me falling asleep. Something was slowing down.

Ice shot through my spine when I realized that it was the beeping.

My eyes shot open as I dashed to the machine to see if my senses had told me wrong. But, no. Each heartbeat beeped a little slower. I backed up, bumping into the wall. No. No! “Doc! Doc!” I shouted.

Doc Horse dashed in, his horn glowing. “What’s her status?”

I was trembling. “Her heartbeat’s slowing down, and it’s not stopping!”

His eyes widened. “Bucking hell…”

…Beep…

That was the first time I ever heard Doc Horse swear. For a guy like him to curse, one that I thought would never do that, I could tell how much he cared. A small ray of hope dawned on me then. I knew that with the Doc doing his all, Octavia would pull through.

….Beep…

That ray kept getting smaller and smaller, though, as he became more and more frantic, calling in more doctors who rushed around, following every order and doing everything they possibly could.

…..Beep…

All that noise was muted to me, though. The only sound I heard was her dying heartbeat. It grew slower, slower…

……Beep…

One of them tried to push me out of the room, but Doc yelled at him, furious, and the frightened stallion went back to work.

………Beep…

I tried not to cry.

…………Beep…

I begged Luna, Celestia, whatever gods or goddesses were out there, to save her.

……………Beep…

No…I shook my head. Please, please don’t let this happen.

………………Beep…

…No…

…………………Bee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

I watched with dead eyes as someone hit a button that stopped the continual screech of the flatline.

“…Everypony… get out. Now.” Doc Horse’s voice, usually so stern and commanding, was weak. Defeated.

Silently, all the other doctors and nurses that had come to help filed out, leaving just me and the Doc, who bowed his head, patted me on the back, and walked out.

 I always thought that I would be so angry if I lost her. But now, I was just…Empty.

Once again, I found myself at her bedside, looking at the stone-still face of the one whose heart had stopped… because of me.

Maybe it was weird, but… I couldn’t help but give her one last, long kiss. I curled up beside her, and I brushed against the wires. I almost tore them off, but when I looked at them, I found that I no longer cared. I felt so empty inside. So empty.

Not even music could fill the hole that had opened inside me.

…Beep…