A Life of Depression

by pinky102368

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Drama, Sad
Length: 3651

Did you feel that Starlight's villain motivation was weak? But what if that wasn't the start to it all? What if she had a depressing childhood that led to her starting a town where nopony had identities? What was that depressing childhood about...?

Sunburst leaving Starlight Glimmer without even saying goodbye after getting his cutie-mark wasn't the only thing that caused her to start the village without cutie-marks, identities, personalities and dreams. Starlight's childhood was filled with more than one friendship dying to cutie-marks.
Find out about Starlight's childhood, and how she lost many friends to cutie-marks, how a friend turned into a bully because of cutie-marks, how destiny (cutie-marks) have complete power over ponies (to Starlight's dismay), and read to see Starlight become more bitter on the way there!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-05-03 22:45:19 UTC

Lost a Friend; Gained a Friend?

A Life of Depression

Chapter 1: Lost a Friend, Gained a Friend?

By: Pinky102368

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Tears streamed down Starlight Glimmer’s cheeks.

       “Why...?” she wandered out loud. “Why would a stupid thing like a cutie mark separate you from your best friends?”

        The tears flowed out harder. "Why...?"

        Starlight Glimmer sat down on her bed. She turned to her pillow; let her face fall into it, and started sobbing.

         “Why would Sunburst...of all ponies...do this to his best friend?” Starlight thought.

         She tried choking back some more tears that came. It hurt to hold back tears. It felt like a pain in her throat and chest that she could not bare. She felt the sides of her head hurting, and drying up tears on her cheeks. She rarely cried--in fact, she almost forgot how it felt to cry--and she remembered that she despised this feeling more than anything else.

       Starlight tried holding some more tears back--but instead more tears came. She simply just gave up trying to hold them back. It felt much better just to cry it out.

         Eventually, Starlight arose from her tear-soaked pillow. She wiped her last tears from her eyes, and took a deep breath. She wanted to keep crying, she really did, but her eyes were out of tears to give. It made her chest hurt.

         Starlight silently hopped off of her bed and slowly walked over to her dresser.

          She looked into the mirror that she always kept on it. All she saw was her own face...except her pigtails were drooping down, and her eyes were red from crying. Starlight sniffed. It still looked like herself. The only problem was...

           ...she didn’t feel like herself.

            The next morning, Starlight stood outside of her house, waiting for Sunburst. It was her habit. Every morning, she would get ready for school, and simply wait right outside her door for her best friend. Then, they would walk to school together, play together, learn spells together, and tell each other their problems.

              That was the great thing about friends. They cared for you. You could comfortably talk to them all you wanted, without the fear of them giving you the ‘I don’t care’ look.

               After waiting outside her door for thirty minutes, Starlight grumbled.

                “Ugh, why is he so late?” she exclaimed.

                Then she remembered.

                 His parents sent him to Canterlot. Without even saying goodbye, or even smile at her since that day...he just left her.

                 Starlight closed her eyes and let the tears come. She sniffled, then started making her way towards school.

   “Starlight Glimmer, why don’t you have a partner?”

                  Starlight looked up at her teacher. She tried narrowing her eyes to hide that she has been crying instead of finding a partner and doing work with them.

                 Her teacher patiently waited for a response.

                “Um... Starlight simply said.

                Her teacher raised an eyebrow. “Well, if you are not going to tell me, then find one fast or do the work on your own...and stop pretending to cry!” then she walked away to help a pair of colts.

                Starlight sank into her chair.

                "She thought I was pretending...?” she thought.

                That meant that no one cared. Not even an adult. Starlight tried to hold it back, but this caused more tears to come flowing down.

                 “Jerk...” she muttered a little louder then she meant to.

                Starlight could feel her teacher turn back to her. “Excuse me?” she said loud, so everyone could hear.

    Starlight looked around at all of the eyes darting to her exact spot. Everyone had the look that they give you when you get in trouble at school. Starlight blushed in embarrassment and sunk down onto her desk, trying to hide from all of the eyes.

   Her teacher stomped over. “What did you say, Starlight Shimmer Glimmer?"

Starlight flinched at the mention of her middle name. When an adult calls you by your middle name, that means you are in a lot of trouble.

           “I...um...” Starlight mumbled.

           “What?” her teacher prompted. “What did you say?”

           “I called you a jerk!” Starlight Glimmer blurted out.

           Everypony in the room gasped. No one calls their teacher that. It meant serious trouble for the pony that says it.

           The teacher widened her eyes. She closed her teeth together--the worst way to hide your anger. “Well...think you for...being honest.” she said with grinding teeth. Soon, everypony turned back to their partners and their work.

            “There is a new student coming later today. You will be her partner.” The teacher informed.

           Starlight just simply nodded.

         The new student came after recess. Starlight introduced herself, and said that they had to be partners. The new student just smiled. “We are going to be best friends!” she said in her sweet, toddler-like voice.

        Starlight froze at the mention of ‘best friends.’ All she did was nod; choke back tears; and then ran away from the new student. Did she even ever get her name?

       It was time for the students to get to work with their partners.

       The new student hopped over to Starlight.

        “So...Starlight...I heard you are good at math...” she said.

       Starlight just stared at her and nodded.

       “Oh...um...I don’t think you ever got my name...” she said out of no where.

       Starlight widened her eyes. “You just read my mind...” she mumbled, emotionless.

        Her partner giggled. “Well, yeah...oh, my name is Sugar Belle!”

      Starlight nodded. “Cute name.”

      “Thanks!”

     “No problem.”

     Starlight turned to her math problems. She knew the answers...she knew she did! But she couldn’t think without Sunburst popping into her mind. She blinked back some tears.

      Sugar Belle noticed. “Are you okay?”

      Starlight looked back at her partner. Did she...care?

      Without thinking, Starlight fell her face into Sugar Belle and started sobbing very quietly.

      Sugar Belle gasped. “Y-you are not okay, are you? Are you bullied by ponies for being a blank flank? If you are, I totally understand, I mean, I am a blank flank...”

      Starlight barely choked out a “no” before she continued doing her silent sobbing.

       But then she looked up at Sugar Belle with big puffy eyes. “You actually noticed that I am a blank flank? And that I am sad?”

       “Well...um...” Sugar whispered. She carefully pushed Starlight up off of her. “It’s kind of obvious...does nopony else care?”

       Starlight looked at her face. “No. Nopony cares. Well, at least no one is showing it.”

        Sugar Belle smiled. “It will be okay! Hey, we can be buddies!”

       Starlight managed to smile for the first time in what felt like years.

      Starlight Glimmer and Sugar Belle did everything with each other. In fact, Sugar Belle felt like a girl version of Sunburst. It felt good to have a friend back.

       Until it happened again.

       Sugar Belle was baking for Starlight when she was over at Sugar’s house.

       Then, it happened. Starlight looked at Sugar’s huge smile from ear to ear. Sugar Belle pointed to her flank, and then Starlight saw it.

       Right there, she could see a cupcake with a cherry on it.

       Sugar Belle got her cutie mark.

       Starlight gasped and looked to her own flank. It was still blank.

       “Isn’t it great...I just baked you a cupcake, whispered to myself how fun it is to bake for a friend, and then it appeared!” Sugar exclaimed.

       “Right...great.” Starlight mumbled.

       Sugar noticed Starlight’s emotionless stare.

       “Cheer up! Maybe you will get your cutie mark in mane styling...I mean, your pigtails are still the cutest things ever!”

      Starlight got up out of her chair. “R-right.”

      Starlight went home as soon as possible. Would it happen again? Would she not even talk to her anymore and just leave her?

      No. Sugar Belle would never do that.

      Little did Starlight know that it would happen a month later.

      Everypony loved Sugar Belle now. She used to be ’the giggly baker that sounds like a toddler.’ But now she is the ‘greatest baker the school has ever seen.’

      Then, it happened.

       Sugar Belle left for Manehattan to help her grandparents with their restaurant.

       And she didn’t even say goodbye.

      Starlight was back to where she started after Sunbeam left. She cried herself to sleep in loneliness. She barely got her work done. And most of all, no one seemed to care.

                               -TO BE CONTINUED-

Life is Terrible

A Life of Depression

Chapter 2: Life is Terrible

By: Pinky102368

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Starlight was too afraid to meet another pony. They could become friends...and then another Cutie Mark would send them away.

    Of course, this didn't shield Starlight from the torment of losing another friend to a stupid thing like a Cutie Mark.

    Every morning, Starlight finds tears on her pillow from last night. Every single day, she is yelled at by her teacher because instead of doing her work, she gets her paper soggy from her sobbing. At every meal, she doesn't eat much except for maybe one apple. Any good food reminds her of Sugar Belle.

    And any cool spells remind her of Sunburst.

    Everything reminds her of the friends that left her behind because of differences in Cutie Marks.

    It was a normal day of school. Starlight got to her third grade class, put her things in her desk; lay her head down on it; and started crying.

    Why did she cry every morning?

    It was because every time she walks to school, she passes many fillies walking to school and chatting with their own friends--it reminds her of the friends that left her behind.

     Starlight zoned out into her sobbing and eventually fell asleep.

    Her dream was the same dream that she always had--her best friends getting their Cutie Marks, and starting to beat her with words.

    It wasn't exactly a memory of what had happened before--but it still felt very real.

    Starlight was awoken by some tapping on her shoulder.

    "Starlight Shimmer Glimmer! Wake up you lazy brat!"

    Starlight blinked her eyes open and looked up to see her tall teacher.

     Starlight immediately started panicking. This is the fifth time she has fallen asleep in class! She knew she was going to get into big trouble.

     "Starlight Shimmer Glimmer, you are missing very important information again! If you keep this up, I will just laugh at you when you get an 'E' on the test tomorrow!"

     Starlight tried to hold back a gasp. "T-test? W-what test?"

    Her teacher looked taken back by this. Starlight flinched at her face. Then her teacher held up her hoof, and then Starlight felt a sharp pain at her wrist.

    "Ow!" Starlight looked down at her wrist, then at the teacher. Was Starlight blind, or did her teacher just...hit her?

    "YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME NEXT TIME, YOU BRAT!" her teacher shouted at the top of her lungs.

    Silence filled the room. Starlight just now realized that everypony had been staring at the whole situation.

    Starlight just looked down at the floor, and sunk down into her chair. Her wrist still stung, but she just ignored it. Right now her emotional pain felt worse than her physical pain.

    The teacher bent down to Starlight’s ear. “Listen here, Starlight Shimmer Glimmer,” she said with clenched teeth. “You will listen to me you little brat...and always will. Otherwise, you will be a pony with nothing. Now, listen, Starlight Glimmer.” then her teacher looked up at everyone and smiled.

      Then she walked to the board and began the lesson.

       It was on the Elements of Harmony, or otherwise known as the Elements of Friendship.

       Starlight concluded that they were learning mythology, since the Elements of Harmony and the Mare in the Moon is just an old mare’s tale.

       But it still hurt to listen to it.

       Apparently, the Elements of Harmony are ‘honesty, laughter, kindness, generosity, and loyalty. The sixth element had been forgotten.

      Her friends were all like this. Without thinking, Starlight just burst into tears and let her head fall to her desk.

      “Starlight Glimmer! I already told you, shut up, stop pretending to cry, stop being a brat, and listen!” her teacher scolded.

     Starlight ignored her and kept sobbing.

     “Starlight. Glimmer. To the principal’s office. Right. NOW!” the teacher yelled.

Starlight looked up at her teacher with red eyes and gasped.

   The teacher’s face was clear. She needed to go to the principal’s office that second.

    Starlight quietly got up out of her seat, and went out the door to the office.

     Starlight nervously sat in her seat in front of the principal’s desk.

     The principal kept her smile as she walked around, occasionally looking at a book. Was she trying to make Starlight tense?

     Finally, the principal sat down in her desk chair and put her hooves on her desk and smiled.

     “Starlight Glimmer, I understand that you have been sent here for multiple reasons.” she calmly said.

     Starlight nodded.

     The principal turned to her slip of paper on the left side of her desk and read it out loud,

      “Starlight Shimmer Glimmer is being sent to your office because:

      Falling asleep in class

      Not doing work

      Not listening

      Not obeying the teacher

      Refusing to communicate with others."

      The principal put the paper back down and smiled. “I understand that your teacher is Mrs. Chocolate Sugar?”

      Starlight nodded.

      “I see...now please describe these situations in your own words.”

      Describe it? Starlight sat there, motionless and trying to think. After two minutes, she couldn’t even think of a way to describe it! Describing sadness is...painful.

      Starlight just shook her head as a response. “I am sorry, Principal Sky. But this is something I cannot explain.”

      “I see...” Principal Sky replied.

      Principal Sky pulled out an orange slip of paper using her horn and levitation. Then she levitated a pen over, and started filling it out.

      Starlight sat in silence until the principal was done scribbling.

      Principal Sky slid the orange slip of paper towards Starlight, and politely told her to go back to class.

      Starlight walked out of the office levitating the orange slip and reading it.

      She gasped.

      Now she had two days of detention.

      Just great.

      This just made her feel even more alone.

                 -TO BE CONTINUED-

A Glimmer of Hope

A Life of Depression

Chapter 3: A Glimmer of Hope

By: Pinky102368

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Starlight Glimmer calmly plopped into her detention chair.

    She sighed. “I am not going to cry about this...” she urged herself.

    But the tears still came.

    She has never been in detention before. Now she knew she was in big trouble with her parents. BIG trouble.

     Starlight let her head fall into the desk with a loud clump. She let the tears stream down her cheeks. What will her parents say? What will her parents do? And if she tried to explain her emotional problems...they wouldn’t believe her.

     Starlight finally lifted her head up when she heard some hoofsteps coming into the room. More fillies and colts were coming in, along with a stallion. He was probably the one in charge of detention.

     All the students sat down in a desk.

     One pegasus filly with a long braid just took out a book and started reading. One of the earth pony colts kept yelling at the stallion, demanding that he has to be taken out of the room that instant. He soon shut his mouth and sat down.

      Starlight was the only one slapping her head to the desk and sobbing. She felt so dirty being in the room where the bad kids go.

      She was so into her sobbing that she barely noticed that the stallion was talking.

       “In detention, all you have to do is sit in your desk, be quiet, and work or read. That’s it! Not that bad, is it?” the stallion said in a calming voice. Starlight lifted her head just in time to see him wink at them.

       “Oh, by the way, my name is Lightning Speed. Very nice to meet you unlucky kids!” he added.

      Starlight did feel slightly better that they weren’t given that stereo-typical angry teacher in the detention room. But being told what she had to do in this room just made her feel worse. She never knew she would even have to hear it.

       She tried to think.

       The only thing was; it is difficult to think about something in this room.

        Because the image of her parents screaming at her when they came to pick her up came popping in.

        More tears down her cheeks.

        Finally, detention was over.

        As soon as Lightning Speed nodded to the students to leave, Starlight smiled, jumped out of her seat, and silently cheered to herself.

        "I...I did it! I survived detention!" she whisper-shouted. She gasped a little at her sudden outburst. Maybe sitting down and just crying was what she needed. She had been doing that every night--but had fought it. This time she just let it come. This spark of happiness really helped.

       Starlight was about to leave the detention room when a colt and a filly walked up to her.

       "Hello. Um, I am sorry if you are uncomfortable with this question...but...um..." the filly said.

       The colt rolled his eyes slightly and took a step forward. "My name is Party Favor, and this is Night Glider," he said, pointing his hoof toward the dark blue filly. "We just wanted to know if you were alright. I mean, you seemed very...well...you were crying the whole time."

       Starlight wiped a small tear from her eye. "I'm fine. I just needed a good sob...that's all." She desperately tried hiding the fact that her main emotion was sadness these days.

       Party Favor raised an eyebrow. "Okay then..." he mumbled.

       Night Glider looked up at Starlight. "So...what is your name?"

       Starlight Glimmer looked down at her hooves.

       This was the first time in a long time that she was asked that question.

       She smiled.

       "My name is Starlight Glimmer."

       "Cool name!" Night Glider exclaimed.

       "Um...thanks." Starlight said.

       Party Favor looked at Night Glider, then at Starlight. "So...um...do you maybe want to sit together at lunch tomorrow?"

       Starlight looked down. Then she looked up. Then she looked at Party Favor. This felt like something a future friend would ask.

But that meant another chance of losing one. And then the cycle would start again...

     But Starlight decided to risk it.

     "Sure. I'll sit with you at lunch tomorrow. I just gotta make sure that my parents don't yell at me." she answered.

     Night Glider smiled. "Great!"

     Party Favor nodded. "And I will also have a surprise for you!"

     Night nudged Party a little. "You do that everyday, dude."

     "I know, but I just like making them for ponies!" he exclaimed.

     Starlight smiled. "Well...um...I have to go. Uh, bye!"

     Party Favor and Night Glider smiled and waved as Starlight exited.

     "Starlight Shimmer Glimmer, you do know that we are disappointed in you, right?"

    Starlight Glimmer calmly nodded at her mother.

     "Good..." her mother said.

    Starlight almost flinched as her mother placed a hoof on her head, and started patting it. Before she knew it, she was embraced into a hug.

     "You might of gotten detention, but I will always love my happy little girl." Starlight's mother cued.

     Starlight carefully pushed away the embrace. "I know, and I love you too."

     "That's right. Now, tell me. How are your friendships going? Do you still talk with that girl...whats her name...Sugar Belle?" her mother asked.

     Starlight Glimmer flinched. Why did she have to say that? Why would a day of hope like today also be the day she mentions her friend taken away by a Cutie Mark?

     "Are you okay, dear?" her mother asked, concerned at her daughter's flinch.

     Starlight wiped a tear from her eye. "I...I am fine..."

     But she wasn't fine. She just ran away from her mother as quick as she could to her room so she could plop into her bed.

     "Starlight! Starlight honey! Please come back!"

     Starlight reluctantly tip-toed out of her bedroom door and walked up to her calling mother.

     "Starlight honey, it looks like you have been crying. Are you okay? Your punishment won't be that bad..." her mother said calmly.

     Starlight looked down. "Okay...what is my punishment for ending up in detention?"

     "Me and your father talked about it; and we decided that you are now not aloud to go to any friends' house, or have a friend come over. Do you understand?" mother stated.

    Starlight nodded.

    "Good. Now, did you finish your homework?"

    Starlight shook her head.

    "Go finish your homework, then go straight to bed, okay?"

    "Okay." Starlight mumbled.

    Her mother smiled. "I still love you--even though you make mistakes. Just keep remembering that."

    Starlight smiled. "Of course, mother."

    After she finished her homework, Starlight shoved herself to bed. She thought of the day. First she was sent to the principal for sleeping in class, then she got detention. But then she met two new ponies who already had their Cutie Marks. That means nopony's friendship will be broken apart because of that.

     And on top of all of that, her mother seemed understanding.

    Who knew such a terrible day could turn into one of the best days of Starlight's life?

     Starlight smiled. She closed her eyes and fell softly asleep.

                         -TO BE CONTINUED-