"I Have Some Questions, Lots And Lots Of Questions."
View Online
Discord And The Gang Pony
"I Have Some Questions, Lots And Lots Of Questions."
Celestia and Discord sat at a table together in a coffee shop. Celestia took a sip from her cup. "So, let me get this straight, you're dating a gang pony?"
He snapped a claw and a bag of popcorn appeared. "Yes! Indeed! Not just any gang pony, though. A special one. He nabbed a party cannon away from our dear Pinkie Pie."
Celestia sighed. "And I thought if you were to ever date any pony, it'd be Fluttershy."
"Oh yeah! And some ponies thought you would date me!" He shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He leaned forward, head resting on his mismatched paws, grin across his face.
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Discord? Couldn't he send you back down the path of evil?" She levitated the cup up to her lips, waiting for a reply.
"At least I'm not dating Tirek."
"That's one way of putting it."
"Yes, yes it is." Discord cocked his head slightly. "Well, I'm getting to know the common ponies! Something that you don't always do!"
"What? I'm the one who's always going out of my way to get to events." She sighed. "This is pointless, isn't it?"
"NO! The readers wouldn't like that! Anyways, with the events it always seems to be about Twilight! Or another random unicorn or alicorn you work with. Or it's all delayed because you're kidnapped, and Twilight then becomes the star!"
Celestia chuckled. "Is this all just to teach me a lesson? If it is, the point is taken."
Discord flung his arms into the air. "That's not the point at all! Who says a draconequus can't have love? I've changed!"
Celestia was at a lost for words, but eventually she spoke up. "Did you know Discord, for the all the years I ruled alone I had to make tough decisions. There were many foes that I couldn't spare. And when I was able to help reform you and get Luna out of the treacherous form of Nightmare Moon, I was so happy. And now, I don't want you to have another lapse in your kindness."
Discord faceclawed. "Seriously Celestia! You're giving me all this flack just because you want to spare me! Just because I'm a 'villain'. Because you want to protect your pretty little ponies! I've done so much kindness!"
"Discord, I don't want to anger you, but I still think you have a lot to learn."
"Hah. Did Twilight sign you up to say that!?"
"Discord, seriously, she didn't sign me up for this. I really am just trying to do the best thing for the greatest amount of ponies."
Discord rolled his eyes. "So, basically the normal stuff."
"I guess that's one way to put it." She sighed. "Discord, I have no right to tell you what to do, but good ponies have turned to a dark past. I don't want you to turn."
"Sunset Shimmer? Nightmare Moon?" In one claw a Sunset Shimmer plushie appeared, and a Nightmare plush appeared in the lion paw.
She nodded. "Both."
"Well Celestia, if we're talking about the past, may I ask about your romantic history? How seriously should I take your advice." He cockily smiled at her.
"Discord, you now understand, don't you? You'll be careful. I don't want to keep you on too small of a leash."
"Celestia!" The plushies disappeared. "Are you avoiding a question?"
"I have the right. Anyways, you'll know the needed when it's time." She places the teacup and the plate it was on back onto the table.
"Oh. Let's see what Google Translate says about that." Celestia thought about asking what the heck 'Google Translate' was, but she finally thought she shouldn't.
"Fine. I'll tell you. I had a one night fling with Starswirl." She braced herself for Discord's wild response.
His eyes slowly widened. A goofy grin spread across his face. "Celestia! The Starswirl the bearded! You've been quite the naughty girl! What was it like?"
"Let's just say that it was wild and crazy."
"Ooo lah lah! Snazzy!" Two dolls appeared in his hands, one of Starswirl and one of Celestia. He pressed their muzzles against one another. "Huh. You're kind of one to talk. Wasn't Starswirl the one who just dropped the sirens on the Equestria Girl universe and expected them to deal with it? Why comment on my weird choice in ponies?"
"Look, Discord, that was in the past. Romance a lot of the time just gets in the way of work. And I'll do anything to help my ponies. That's honestly why I've been defeated so many times."
"Wait, so if you did some crazy things with Starswirl, does that mean I get to date a random gang pony?"
"Discord, that isn't the main point of this whole discussion! I'll let you do that. I just want you to be careful and not make the mistakes I have made."
"Oh. So you think the whole thing with Starswirl was just a mistake? That's how you feel about romance?"
"Not exactly. Like I said, it got in the way of work. I can't become extremely attached to a pony, just to let them die. It is too much. Plus, it just gets in the way of work. Sure, Cadence can do it, but I just couldn't do it again."
"Oh. Hmm. I'll be careful, ok?"
"Thank you."
The gang pony suddenly barged into the room. "I'mma gonna letcha finish, but-"
Discord rolled his eyes. "You were late on your dramatic break in. We're done with our conversation."
The gang frowned. "Oh well."
Discord floated over to his side. "Yup. Let's go." They then left.
Celestia shook her head. The two of them would being together would never stop weirding herself out. But she wouldn't push back.
