Written Script's Bad Day

by The Bricklayer

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 2248

History Teacher: Yes. Loving Father to two adopted children: Also Yes. Major League Jerk: Again, Yes. About to have a bad day: Well, what do you think?

Written Script, quite possibly the snarkiest/grumpiest history teacher in Ponyville, and he knows it. Of course, that doesn't mean he has his good points. Problem is, more often then not they don't show themselves as well or often as they should. But they're there. For example, when his cousin Raindrops comes to town, he and his two children intend to make her stay a pleasant one… If they could figure out how to clean out the guest bedroom. And make it livable and not a health inspector's worst nightmare. Today was going to be one of those days. He knew he shouldn't have enlisted his archenemy's help with this…

A One-Shot I may expand apon if anyone wants.

MLP Charicters and it's universe are not mine. They belong to Hasbro and Lauren Faust. I make no money off their creations.

Now given a audio reading by Snogwritts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KP5t3eRjf4U

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-17 01:50:01 UTC

The Only Chapter AKA "Just should have stayed in bed..."

It was a well known fact that one Written Script of Ponyville High was a complete and utter ass. No, he wasn't a donkey or a mule. He was just a jerk. A complete and utter jerk. There wasn't really a large circle of friends he had, not that he was annoyed by this. He would rather be left alone. Sadly for him, he did have a nice side much to his often at times disgust. For example, he really didn't like seeing foals or fillies orphaned. This might have explained why he had two children, generally some of the very few ponies that put up with him, (Well, to a point anyway) aside from those with a very large patience and/or weren't easily annoyed. and his cousin. (She fit both of these bills by the way) Speaking of which, little did he know it but his cousin would play a large part in the day's coming events.

BRING! BRING!

A alarm clock was hit, smashing it into a small pile of gears and springs, along with two little clock hands.

"Damn things... Why do they have to be so cheery? Not exactly the kind of thing your drowsy ears want to hear in the morning thank you very much." Script grumbled. Least it was summer now, meaning he didn't have to get up quite so early to teach.

Now, you may be wondering why somepony like him would teach when he just didn't like others. Well, one of the few reasons he was able to put up with others, was largely to teach them a bit of culture. Made him happy... Well, that was the reason it did, he kept telling himself. It wasn't like he had a heart of gold buried in him... right? Celestia above, he didn't hope so. Then he'd never hear the end of it from his arch nemesis. Him, having a heart. Pah! He got enough mockery from Good Eats just for being as nice as he normally was, which to be honest was a lot more then you'd expect... Not that Script would ever admit it. He was just far too proud and stubborn as a mule. And yes, that time it was a comparison.

"Well, suppose I'd better get some coffee. I'll let them sleep in a bit longer. Bit of peace for at least forty five minutes or so. No chemical explosions from the basement to hurt my ears." He decided, before going downstairs. He was just about to set down with his favorite drink when...

DING DONG!

Script groaned, both mentally and aloud. He needed his precious coffee, for crying out loud.

"Alright already, hold your horseapples. I'm coming... I'm coming." He muttered, before going to the door and opening it. A actual smile, which just looked strange on his face came when he saw it was just the mailmare, Derpy Hooves.

For whatever reason the Goddesses had decided, he just couldn't bring himself to be rude. Not even be snarky! Mind you, even if he had a glare on his face it just wouldn't have been very intimidating on him, as he was currently clad in a pink fluffy bathrobe. Oh, he hoped Good Eats didn't see him in this. There went his reputation, right out the window.

"So, what have you got? Got some coffee, and ...Yeah. Bit self explanatory there I suppose." He said sheepishly, with the sentence turning into a yawn soon after. Derpy blushed.

"Sorry." She told him.

"No, no need to be embarrassed on my account. Not worth your time, trust me." He muttered. Derpy raised a eyebrow. Although, as I said, Script was never rude to her, he actually seemed to be making a effort to be nice today. It had to have been his son and daughter. Must have been rubbing off on him. She handed him the mail, and he looked through it quickly.

"Let's see... Bills, bills... (Yawn) Science Monthly, yeah that's Potion's. Gossip For You, thought I canceled that after the divorce..." He muttered.

Yeah, someone actually did try and have a relationship with him. Mind you, it didn't end well. Imploded would be the best term. But oddly enough, while he was with someone Script did actually become a bit nicer even complimenting ponies on rare occasions. But soon as the marriage was over... Bam, right back to square one with him. Sigmane Freud could probably have himself a field day, it was often said. But back to the present...

"Huh, Raindrops? What's she..." He wondered aloud before reading the letter. His eyes widened. "Oh boy... She's coming here? Later tonight?And the guest room isn't even ready! No, nowhere near ready! ACK!" Script panicked, before his eyes rolled up into his head and he fainted with a loud thud. Derpy waved a hoof in front of his face, before finding no reaction and shrugging to herself as she flew off to her next delivery.

So, a bit of backstory on why Script's so panicky. To be honest, the guest bedroom in his house hadn't been cleaned in years and was mosly just storage space for his assorted crap. Before Diamond came along, her room was used as a guest room but now that she was here... well things had obviously changed quite a bit. Now, you may be wondering what in the heck Diamond Tiara was doing living with a history techer and not her parents. Well, long story short after she was orphaned in a house fire Script took her in out of a rare showing of sympathy. Derpy was more right then she realized. Being a father was softening him a bit. But first things first, he had to wake her and his son up.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey." Script said in mock cheer, as he entered Diamond's room which was covered in wall to wall pink with plushies everywhere. "Oh... Can't believe I lowered myself to saying that cheery phrase. I don't do cheery." He muttered in disgust with himself.

"Could have let me sleep in a bit longer, could you daddy? And I was having such a nice dream..." Diamond grumbled.

"Well, if you want to waste the day away..." Script snarked.

"Actually yes." Diamond replied. "It IS Summer after all."

"Well, too bad. Got work to do." Her father said in response.

"Well, in that case can I at least watch you wake up my dear brother?" Diamond asked innocently. Script grinned in a almost evil manner and Diamond rubbed her hooves together.

"AACCCKK!" Potion screamed and sat straight up as loud music blared through a speaker his father had brought in. Potion was a white furred, black maned Bat-Pony with two bubbling beakers as his Cutie Mark giving a hint as to his talent. Wasn't really all that brave, but that was changing as of late as his personal confidence in himself grew, with a bit of help from his father who was teaching him to stand up for himself against bullies.  While he didn't quite have the confidence to punch one, at least he wouldn't faint on the spot anymore. He crossed his forelegs and glared after fussing with his mane to keep it down.

"Did you really need to do that? I could have woken up on my own, you know." He said dryly as Diamond snickered. "Very funny, dad. I'm bursting with laughter." He continued. While he'd only been Script's son for a year and a half, the fifteen year old had picked up some of his dad's sarcasm. It was hard not to, really.

"Sorry." Script said in apology, without any hint of sarcasm. "Hated to do that, but..."

"Let me guess, something's come up." Potion asked. He knew this was it, it wasn't like this was the first time it had happened and he'd been woken up early for some reason. "Sooo..." He asked nervously. "What is it?"

His father illuminated the lower potion of his face with a flashlight. Potion and Diamond rolled their eyes in unison.

"It's time... to clean out the guest room."

Potion swallowed.

"Still can't believe you talked me into this." Potion said, as he nervously opened the guest room door and gagged. It hadn't been cleaned in ages, and it showed. Dust was everywhere, and a odd smell like something died in there (And probably had, now that he thought about it) came from a corner of the room. "I think I might be sick. My pancakes are about to say hello. Knew I shouldn't have grabbed breakfast."

"I did warn you." Script said, as he gazed around the room. He gulped, much had Potion had a half hour before. Then he jumped into his son's arms and screamed "RAT!" when he saw a dead one. Well, that explained the smell.

"You're pathetic, you know that right?" Potion muttered, with another eye roll.

"We're going to need a bit of help." Script admitted after recovering what was left of his dignity.

"From who, the HAZMAT team?" Diamond asked sarcastically. Potion snickered.

"No, worse. Can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm going to call HIM." His father muttered in disgust. "Oh, he's going to hold this over me forever."

HIM turned out to be Good Eats, Script's archenemy who I have been mentioning. Good Eats was a coal black Earth Pony stallion who ran the Hay Burger and had a chef's hat on his flank. He and Script had been going at it for years, all starting over a simple thing as the property line. Why he would get called for help was anypony's guess but Potion suspected it was because he was the only pony that could be acquired on such short notice, and his father secretly wanted to be friends and put away their feud but was too stubborn as a... Well like I already said, a mule. Currently, as he and Eats tossed out some boxes out the window his father talked to his cousin on the phone.

"So, did you really have to come on such short notice? I... I haven't even prepared yet!" Script stammered in shock. "I had ot get HIS help just to toss stuff out! It's filthy in here!" He grumbled. "Damn bleeding filthy."

In the background, Good Eats muttered "...And it would be less filthy if he stopped yabbering on and actually helped..." before tossing a box full of plates out the window. Script muttered to himself "Those were my grandmother's, over one hundred years old they were. I'm going to kill him."

"Kill who?" His cousin asked.

"Never you mind. None of your business, anyway." Script replied. "Now, as you were saying..."

"Sorry about all of this, but think of it this way. You'll get to see me again, and quite honestly you are the only pony I could think of who would take me in on such short notice while my house is getting fumigated." Raindrops said over the phone in a happy tone. She was always cheerful, even if the situation didn't call for it. She liked others to see the bright side of life. Didn't always work with her cousin, though.

"But what about your friends? Can't Cloudchaser or Blossomforth-"

"Cloud's in hospital, and Blossom's got the Feather Flu." She replied.

"What about your boyfriend? Thunder something or other?" He asked, and when Raindrops spat "Oh, HIM." over the phone he knew he'd asked a bad question.

"Dumped me for some other mare! Can you believe it? Some... Some... Oh, can't even say the word." She muttered before pepping up again. "Anyways, see ya when I get here! Bye!" She said, before hanging up.

"What was that about?" Diamond asked as she tried on some jewelry she found inside a box. Her father answered only by groaning and hitting his head against the wall and asking "Why me?"

Once he had finally joined in with the cleaning (Wearing a facemask) Script was able to clear out the junk in the room. Now came the hard part. Actually assembling the bed stored in the closet. Well assembling wouldn't be the right phrase. More like arguing with Good Eats as they did so.

"No, this one goes there! That one goes there." Good Eats said as he hammered in a nail while Script read off the instructions.

"Are you sure? Cause from what I'm seeing..." He asked and Eats glared at him. "No, do you want to argue with someone who's got a very hard hammer? Huh, do ya?"

"Oh, I'm very willing to argue. Yeah, I am! You know, I think I'd be a better cook then you." Script snapped.

"Oh, I doubt that very much. You see, you teach boring history and I run a DINER!" Eats sneered. Script stuck out his tongue and that really did it. Eats muttered "Oh, that's it..." and pounced. A few moments later after quite a lot of cursing from both of them (Potion covered his sister's young and innocent ears) Eats soon had his arch-enemy in a headlock. Diamond groaned while her brother facehoofed out of embaressment.

"Stallions can be such idiots at times." Diamond muttered in disgust.

Later that night, Raindrops did show up only to find a bruise covered Eats and Script. She raised a eye brow and Diamond and Potion both shook their heads and answered in unison.

"Don't ask."

END