Derpy plays Minecraft

by Jabazor

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life
Length: 4515

Derpy joins the Mane Six's server and screws it up.

Derpy may not know how to play Minecraft...and that's about it.

Published 2012-06-16 16:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-16 04:45:17 UTC

How bad can you be?

Of course, even starting the XBox was trouble. You had to push two buttons. The power for the TV and the power for the XBox. Derpy felt good, though, as she started up her XBox and marveled at the screen of her television. Yesterday it took her five hours to start everything up. Then she had to download Minecraft, which was a disaster. Even her questioning of an XBox support member over what a hard drive was ended up being less than satisfactory.

Rainbow Dash found out that Derpy had Minecraft and, because Derpy was such a random and funny character, figured she might be fun to play with. So she told her the server name and a time. Derpy also had a microphone, so Dash knew that she might be able to teach Derpy how to play.

Derpy couldn't join easily. She didn't know how to work an Internet connection at all so she just stuck with what she got. Eventually she managed to join the server, which, not by coincidence, was named Coolest Server Ever. Dash made the world.

Right now it was on peaceful so that there were no monsters. Derpy heard the sound the XBox makes when you receive an invite but mistook it for her toaster. She put down her gaming gear and checked the toaster and realized that there was no toast in there, though. But she did, however, realize that the muffin that she left in her toaster was ready.

As she leisurely enjoyed a muffin, Derpy kept hearing the sound for invites that she mistook for her toaster. When she got back to her television, she was being spammed invites to a party. She got back to her XBox and started the game.

Derpy joined the party, but before she could ask where they were, Dash just said look at your map and head towards the arrows. Of course, Derpy just kept going forward without looking at obstacles. Half of the time she was just running into dirt or drowning in water. But she eventually got there.

There was already quite a bit of time spent on the server, though. Dash and Rarity had built a house of wooden planks as high up as possible. Pinkie Pie made minecart tracks that elaborately traveled from the houses to the mines. Fluttershy made a house out of wood that consisted of a huge garden. She kept cows, chicken, sheep, dogs, and pigs in her house so she had barely any room to walk. Twilight's house was consistent of bookshelves and that alone. Nopony liked Twilight's house.

Dash's first order of business with Derpy in the group was helping her out.

"Alright, Derpy. First off, you need to cut down a tree. Just use your hooves," said Dash.

Derpy completely disregarded the fact that they were in a game, though.

"But what about splinters? What if it hurts my hooves," said Derpy worriedly as she stared at the tree on her screen like it was an actual thing.

Dash expected this and had basically prepared replies.

"It won't, Derpy," said Dash as she laughed. "Just try it."

So began the long and difficult-to-understand process of making a wooden axe. Dash wanted Derpy to make her own things before she gave items that everypony had made to her, though. Rainbow Dash knew that if she were to have fun, Derpy would need to learn how to play. Either that or screw everything up.

After a while of Rainbow Dash and Derpy tinkering with the crafting table, Pinkie came strolling by in her minecart. She hopped out and went into Twilight's house. Pinkie figured that, since everypony already made a house, she would just live in somepony else's. So Derpy saw the minecart. She stared at it in wonder and decided to walk towards it and thought that she might ride it. She got beside it it and instead pushed it away.

"Come back!" yelled Derpy as she stared at the minecart rolling away. "I thought that we were...meant to be." Derpy hung her head down. Her voice slightly trembling.

"Uhh...Derpy?" began Pinkie somewhat worriedly.

"Oh well!" said Derpy as she was suddenly filled with joy and enthusiasm.

Derpy tried to run to the minecart, but couldn't figure out the controls. She just kept switching views rapidly and started drowning in the water nearby as she started moving randomly.

"There is no run, Derpy. That's alright, though. Just get a new one!" Said Pinkie with her usual tone of high enthusiasm over the microphone. But she was secretly scared of Derpy's sudden turn of attitude.

The chest next to the track contained four other minecarts, so Derpy took them. The next one she tried hitting, but that only broke it into an inventory item. She put it back on and accidentally pushed it. The next one she tried to jump into. Same result. How about hitting from behind? Nope. Creating stairs to get into it? Nuh-uh. Putting blocks down to fall into it? No. So she gave up.

"What in the hay is going on here?" questioned Derpy over the microphone. Her tone implying that she was confused out of her mind. She remained silent in confusion as the others giggled over the microphone.

After a while, Derpy moved on. She was amazed by the world around her, she soon found out. So many caves and so many areas. But some of the areas she came across were just holes. Derpy's internet was kind of failing and, since Derpy didn't know what to do, walked right into one of the world holes.

"Yay! It's bouncy here!" said Derpy as her character bounced in the world hole.

Eventually the blocks spawned and Derpy was confused as to how she appeared back on the surface. She found herself staring at the screen again with her mouth wide open. She thought that some sorcery had brought her back up. None-the-less, Derpy continued until she saw Applejack on a big mountain riding a pig with a saddle. The pig, of course, fell off of the mountain with Applejack on its back and died.

"Aww shucks. Timothy was the best rodeo pig ever and then he just went and fell off a mountain like that. Shoot." said Applejack sarcastically.

Pinkie Pie giggled at Applejack and started riding her own pig. Rainbow Dash was just lying in the hot-tub on the roof of the huge house. Rarity was trying to mine for diamonds which was quite the task for her because "It's dirty in caves." Fluttershy was obsessing over the fact that Applejack let a pig die.

"Next time be more careful, Applejack," said Fluttershy in a quiet and saddened tone as she lamented over the pig's death. "You could've hurt yourself. Poor pig. He didn't have to die."

Fluttershy started tearing up slightly but then held it in. It was only a fake pig in a fake world. A gasp came from Pinkie's microphone. She figured out that all of her micecarts were gone and was without explanation. She started rambling on like mad with the usual "Who did this?" and the false threat "I'm going to interrogate every single one of you." which made everypony giggle

Twilight was not exactly a gamer, as it turned out. She was, in real life, making a checklist of things the seven needed to do on the server. So there was a real sense of "much-a-do about nothing" in the game, as far as Derpy observed. Nopony was giving Derpy a sense of direction. So Derpy just decided to climb the stairs to Rainbow Dash's roof.

Derpy saw the clouds below and stood on the edge of the house's roof as she pondered a thought. She was a Pegasus, right? So she would land safely. Derpy was on the highest building she could be on, believed she was a pegasus in-game, and saw a cloud she could jump to. Derpy jumped and was dumbfounded when she hit the ground.

"Uh oh, guys! I think that the game is glitching!" said Derpy as she randomly mashed buttons on her controller to try to fix the game.

The others laughed in the background. So Minecraft was very confusing to Derpy. But it was fun to play. Twilight, on the other hoof, was having a bit of a difficult time with the game. Twilight figured out that Derpy died and was obviously upset.

"Now we have to add 'get Derpy back to our houses and make Derpy a bed' to the list. Uuuugggghhhhhh!" mumbled Twilight in an obviously annoyed tone. "I'm trying to organize us here. But everypony keeps doing their own thing! Uuuuugggghhh!"

Derpy didn't mean to anger Twilight and felt bad.

"Sorry Twilight. I didn't mean to," said Derpy in a slightly sad tone that implied that she needed some reassurance.

The group had to go through the trouble of leading Derpy back to the houses without Derpy actually having a map. So it took until day in-game to do so. By then, Twilight made a bed for Derpy and Pinkie made new minecarts. Pinkie was annoyed because the ones at the end kept pushing her back to the beginning or glitched her inside of them. Since Derpy was causing so much trouble around the houses, Rainbow Dash decided to let Derpy mine.

Dash got down from the roof of her house and gave Derpy some cooked porkchops, a few iron shovels, a few iron pickaxes, coal, wooden planks, and torches. Pinkie taught Derpy how to ride the msnecart to the mine that they were using and Derpy was on her own. When Derpy arrived at the mines, Rarity got hat she'd been mining for.

"Ooooohhhh! I finally found diamond and some gold. You must be my new lucky mining buddy, Derpy. Come on! Let's strike it rich," Rarity's voice was slightly horrifying. She took mining diamonds with the utmost seriousness.

Derpy, on the other hoof, was just excited.

"Yay! Woohoo!" said Derpy. She didn't really know why she was excited.

Derpy was, unfortunately, inadequately equipped and uninformed as to how to mine and still had control problems. She dug straight down and had trouble placing torches. Derpy kept placing torches down on the blocks she was mining. Also, nopony told her that she couldn't mine bedrock, so after 15 minutes of trying, she dug left and up.

She was actually going somewhere for a while, but after she had dug like that for a few minutes, she dug straight back down again and fell into lava. That's okay, though. She only had cobblestone and dirt.

"Sugarcube, maybe you should try building a house," said Applejack with a voice that was trying not be rude.

"Yeah! It'll be fun!" said Pinkie.

Derpy had, so far, become a wrecking train. She even worried the others. Fluttershy was frightened and Twilight was nervous because they didn't want their houses destroyed. Fluttershy and Twilight came outside every now-and-again to keep an eye on Derpy. In the meantime, Rarity came back with her diamonds and gold humming a happy tune and stored them in the chest at the roof of she and Dash's house.

Dash gave Derpy the same tools as before, but this time, more wooden planks. She wanted Derpy to try to build her own house since she was unreliable for resources.

There was space near Applejack's house. There was also a small sugarcane farm and a few pigs, cows, and chickens that were all placed in specific structures. The cows and pigs had their own areas. The chickens had a specially made building that allowed Applejack to collect eggs easily. So the farm theme was very obvious.

Derpy didn't know where to start building and had to ask for help.

"Applejack. Can you help me build my house? I want it to be good!"

Applejack figured Derpy'd need help and so she agreed.

"Sure, Hon. Just lemme get some wooden planks and I'll be right there."

Applejack was in and out of her house in five seconds and Derpry had built about 10 blocks up and was stuck on a small wooden plank structure. Derpy panicked because she didn't know how to get down and eventually just decided to fall.

They had to take the structure that Derpy made down to one block and start building the house from there. It was okay for the most part, but Applejack kept getting hit and Derpy kept falling off of the edges. Applejack gave up and left the house six blocks high, eight blocks long, and seven blocks wide.

The roof was flat and the flooring was dirt. There was a torch and the bed Twilight made for Derpy. A bed that, when the group slept until morning in the game, Derpy tried make. Derpy realized that she couldn't make her bed when she destroyed it. So she just set it back again.

Seeing as to how Rainbow Dash and Pinkie were tricksters, it kind of frightened the other ponies for the safety of what stuff was their's. As part of keeping a dastardly trick hidden, Dash suggested to Rarity that they only use the roof on their house. Rarity eventually agreed and they left the inside dark. But on the inside of the huge home, in the far-right corner, was a chest full of TNT.

Derpy entered the house that Rainbow Dash and Rarity had made unnoticed and placed torches. She thought that the inside of their house was better than her's, so she started on thinking of ways to decorate and came across the chest. Dash and Pinkie's plan was to set TNT along the track of the minecart and blow it up when an unfortunate pony was riding it.

Derpy opened the chest and, since she wanted to know what TNT could do, took the TNT. She was happy to have the TNT, but was surprised to be met by Dash, who did not realize that Derpy took the TNT. Dash saw Derpy's gamertag, DerpMeister15, inside the house and then went down to see what was going on. She politely yet urgently told Derpy to get out and she did. Derpy exited the house with 64 TNT, though.

So Derpy had scared most of the ponies for their houses. Destroyed Applejack's farm. Had 64 TNT. Was annoying the ponies to insanity.....and she still didn't understand the game...at all. But atleast Derpy had made a house, which brought a smile of pride to her face when she thought about it.

After a while, Fluttershy went out to mine. A while ago, Derpy had stolen some materials from Applejack and started to make all of the things that she could with the crafting table. Eventually she made a flint and steel. But to Derpy, it was just another random inventory item.

Being the ever so curious spirit and in the search for a new home, Derpy entered Fluttershy's house. She stared at a few of the paintings questionably. Why was the skull on fire? Why was the pig a king? Derpy applauded these pieces of art and thought of them as statements to society.

Derpy originally came in to explore the other's houses to see if they had any cool stuff. Upon entering Fluttershy's, she was immediately and unexpectedly faced with a horde of animals. She had told been told earlier that pigs were good for pork, cows for leather, and chickens for feathers.

However, nopony told her to not harm the animals in Fluttershy's house. The other ponies were creating a bigger mine track for the achievement, so Derpy saw her chance to get to know the game better.

One of the items Derpy had stolen from Applejack's chest was a sword. She immediately started killing the cows, pigs, and chickens for resources. She didn't really know why Fluttershy had so many animals in her house, but didn't question it, or care for it, at all.

Derpy just figured that the snimals spawned there. In the end, she had so many resources from her little animal massacre that she was giddy. She actually managed to get things for once. The other ponies disregarded her giddiness that was obvious over the microphone.

Derpy did keep the sheep alive, though. Their eyes looked like hers and she had a good laugh. They would stare at her in-game and she stared back. But what she didn't understand were the dogs. Did they drop anything? Why were they there? She killed a dog to see if it dropped something. It didn't. She kept killing the dogs to try to get a drop but didn't.

The house had a small second floor consistent of a bed, paintings, a furnace, a chest, and a crafting table. Having not seen a furnace yet, Derpy decided to figure out what it did. She knew what a furnace was, but hadn't used one before. She read some of the information on it since it was her first time using one. But she had trouble reading and only bothered with some text and then skipped the rest. From what she understood, the furnace needed an item on the top slot and a heat source.

Derpy didn't know what counted as a flammable item. She placed a fence as the item to be burned, but didn't know what other item she could use to burn the fence.. She tried a few various items but didn't realize that she lacked any good material besides wood, which she didn't believe would work. Having used everything else, she turned to the flint and steel. Placing it in the slot didn't work, so she lit the ground before the furnace to see if it worked.

Once the ground in front of her was on fire and she was panicking, she laid down more fire. She knew that the first fire was a bad thing, but she thought that she could fight fire with fire. That didn't work. She evacuated Fluttershy's house and told the others.

The others sighed and grumbled, but Fluttershy just sat there and contained her anger until she couldn't hold it. She took a deep breath and let it all loose.

"Ahhhhhh!" yelled Fluttershy in a quiet mix of sadness, aggrivation, and anger.

Derpy tried to clear her ears as she stated the obvious.

"Did anypony hear anything? I thought that I heard a noise," said Derpy in a confused tone.

Fluttershy whimpered and Rarity demanded an apology. Derpy didn't understand, but went ahead and apologized.

"Sorry, Rarity," said Derpy.

Rarity was obviously now very angry with Derpy.

"No, Derpy. Apologize to Fluttershy," yelled Rarity. She was trying to contain her anger.

Derpy then finally made sense of it.

"Ooohhh. I'm sorry, Fluttershy."

So the group went to sleep. Derpy felt somewhat bad, but the annoyedness of the other ponies was a bit funny to her. She didn't mean to be screwing up so badly, though.

As soon as the group woke up, Dash saved, exited, and turned the difficulty to easy to allow monster spawns. They had to download an update, though. The update allowed for TNT explosions to cause fire. But nopony knew that. So they spawned in and continued what they were doing.

Rarity was admiring the view from her house and pretended to sunbathe. Twilight was cleaning her house. Fluttershy was building a house. Pinkie was getting the achievement. Dash was helping with Applejack's sugarcane. Derpy was singing while digging inside of her house.

"I am a derp and I'm digging a hole! Diggy, diggy, dig!" sung Derpy happily.

Eventually Derpy quit digging. Everypony except her seemed occupied with something important. So Derpy thought of something to do and did it. Derpy grabbed a shovel from a chest she made and headed out of her house.

Little was it known that Derpy was digging straight under Dash's and Rarity's house. She placed all of the TNT she could under there. There were two rows of TNT right under their floor. Derpy was going to tell Rainbow Dash and Rarity the next time they were near eachother's characters. In the meantime, she decided to visit Twilight's house.

Twilight's house, being completely made of bookshelves, looked pretty ugly. Every other pony insultingly commented on the design, but Twilight was happy with what she achieved.

Derpy felt up to reading a book. She tried all of the buttons she could but eventually just broke the blocks and quit. It was something she had been doing quite often lately. Twilight was in the house and laughed as she watched Derpy but then added replace bookshelves to her real-life checklist.

Everypony was having a nice, relaxing time, for the most part, until Rarity screamed.

"Aaaahhhh! Oh the horror!" screamed Rarity in what was obviously and overdramatic tone.

"What's wrong? Did you get hurt? Did a bear attack you?" said Pinkie in an excited and mystified tone. But then she figured the obvious. "Somepony made your house look dirty, right?" said Pinkie as she with sudden disinterest in Rarity's problem.

"Yes. These three dirt blocks are missing grass. Somepony has dug here," said Rarity as she regained her cool. She then went on to pretend to sniff the ground, "hmm.....recently."

Derpy finally told Rarity of what she had done. Rarity was, of course, in shock.

"But this house is grandeur, Derpy! I hope that you know that there is no way to remove the TNT. What are-"

"Ssssssss....BOOOOSSSHHH."

Rarity was standing right near the house and a creeper blew her up. It was actually somewhat of a glorious event. The explosion triggered the layers of TNT under the house which then exploded and made the server lag. Fire started from the base of the house and went up to the top.

The house that reached all the way up to the top was now like a burning monument. Nopony had a bucket of water and nopony figured that they could get to the top in time. All just sat and stared speechlessly. That is, until Pinkie's microphone suddenly activated with the sound of a violin.

A while after the explosion, Dash decided to save the server again. She didn't quite know why and she didn't really think of it aa good idea. Especially since Derpy and Rarity were quite sad. It was just a gut feeling.

Every other pony except Applejack and Rainbow Dash seemed annoyed by all that had gone on in the server. So Rainbow Dash switched the unmute on everypony else but Applejack in the party and had a secret little discussion.

Eventually, right after Dash finished and had unmuted every other pony, she asked for any remaining TNT from Derpy and Applejack got Derpy's flint and steel. Dash headed one way and Applejack headed to Twilight's house. The other ponies grabbed some snow and started throwing snowballs. There wasn't that much to do. Applejack just made a bed at Twilight's and everypony waited for the day to begin.

Part of being friends means being loyal and being honest. Dash wouldn't kick Derpy from the game and/or party and Applejack was honestly not upset and wouldn't let herself be upset over a fun little game. Derpy's done worse, both ponies thought. Destroying actual building and almost killing Twilight with heavy materials she dropped from the sky.

The other ponies didn't seem like they were symbolizing their elements at the moment which made Rainbow Dash and Applejack somewhat angry. Rarity wouldn't give Derpy a single thing. Pinkie was not even laughing and smiling. Twilight was too busy trying to organize things. Even Fluttershy wouldn't talk to Derpy.

After feeling Derpy's sadness and disappointment from the silence, Applejack addressed Derpy..

"Hey there, Sport," began Applejack in a quiet and caring tone. "We all make mistakes. But true friends won't give up just like that."

Derpy didn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. So Applejack felt like a little more was needed.

"You know what? You don't make mistakes," laughed Applejack. "You have happy accidents."

Dash felt bad for Derpy, too, and decided to talk to try to make her feel better.

"And hey," Rainbow Dash began in the same tone as Applejack, "Minecraft wouldn't be fun without the shenanigans."

Derpy felt somewhat better from this. But she really wanted everypony else to be happy, though. A while had passed in the game and Derpy was alone in her house digging the huge hole that she had started.

Derpy eventually went outside of her house not knowing what to do. She went to Twilight's house. But Twilight's house was on fire. Derpy, well, derped at the sight, for lack of a better word. Fluttershy's house was on fire, too. Double derp. She went back to Applejack's and, of course, it was on fire. A triple derp?!

The others were panicking, but Applejack and Dash were just laughing. While Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Twilight were scrambling around to try to save materials in their burning homes, Derpy walked up to Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Upon doing so, she stepped on a pressure plate.

All of the houses except Applejack's were fairly close together and so, when the ground under the houses exploded, all except Derpy, Applejack, and Dash died. Applejack and Dash were just laughing harder and eventually Derpy joined in.

After a while the laughter ceased and turned into chuckles. Derpy broke the silence, though.

"I just don't know what went wrong," said Derpy as she laughed.

Applejack and Dash started laughing again. Dash managed to talk in-between laughs.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Derpy. We set this all up."

Everypony heard this through their microphone but didn't much care. The other ponies had died trying to get their materials and, when they spawned, walked up to the three other ponies.

Rarity and Fluttershy were angry. Twilight was, too. But only because she needed an entirely new list and Spike's claw cramps were starting up again. Pinkie, however, stared for a while and then laughed, too. The ponies could hear that she was on the ground with laughter.

Eventually all others joined in. The thing is that there was really no harm done. No need to be sad or angry. Derpy was their friend and they forgot to treat her like such. Of course, she was a bit wrong in the head, but that only meant that they should have gone especially easy on her.

In the end, they were all pretty happy. Instead of rebuilding so much, they decided to build forts and start a snowball fight. Five hits and you were out. No rules. Derpy walked right out in the open and was massacred, but atleast everypony was having fun. It was getting late in Equestria, so they all decided to call it quits. But not before they apologized.

Before everypony signed off, there was an obvious, "Spike. Take a letter." in the background. Derpy got to feel pretty special as they talked over the microphone to convey what they had learned about friendship that day.