My Little Malkavian

by Mendoza

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 4174

A clinically insane vampire escapes to Equestria.

The World of Darkness meets Friendship is Magic. Malkavian style.

Neil's "condition" has made him an outcast in one society, only barely welcomed into another. Malkavians are bad enough, but a thin-blood? Neil's only choice is either Final Death, or starting again someplace where he'll never be found... by humans, at least. But what will happen if a childe of Malkav enters Equestria?

[Many thanks to the absolutely stellar Shira for helping me get off the ground. This was the first pony fiction idea I had and needed to get it out of my head. However, after writing (and subsequently merging) the first two chapters, I realised that HIE is not what I want to write.]

Published 2012-06-15 21:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-22 03:53:07 UTC

Arrival

Twilight Sparkle sat on a pillow in her library’s basement, quill and parchment aloft in front of her. Her quill was marking any observations she had whilst watching Pinkie Pie with her foreleg halfway through a mirror. The surface was opaque and rippling with Pinkie’s movements as she fished around with a look of amused concentration on her face.

“This is so freaky! I never knew I could do this before.” Pinkie giggled.

“You've been inside mirrors before, Pinkie, why is this weird?”

“I’ve been inside them, sure, but never through them.”

“I’ll pretend that makes sense. How does it feel?” asked the purple unicorn.

“Uh... Kinda cold on the surface but not so bad once you’re used to it,” replied the bright pink earthpony, “Like a big mound of raspberry jelly, or maybe strawberry.”

Twilight’s quill scribbled rapidly, then stopped as she realized what she had heard. “Wait, there’s a difference?”

“Of course there is, you silly-filly!” Pinkie chuckled, “I’m surprised you don’t have a book on the finer points of desserts stashed away in that brain of yours.”

Twilight’s quill made a side-note to find a dessert book later; she couldn't just be teased with a wealth of new information, jelly-related or not. She shook her head to refocus on the task at hoof, “Have you found anything or felt anything interesting? Maybe you could find a Twilight and Pinkie in a parallel universe trying to prove inter-dimensional mirror-travel at the exact same time?”

“Nope,” Pinkie said cheerfully. Her eyes suddenly went wide, “I can hear something!”

“What?!” Twilight sprang up and pressed her ear against the mirror’s frame, “What can you hear?”

“Shh! It’s pretty quiet.” Pinkie’s face turned to a look of determination as she strained to hear. The two listened for a while, neither saying anything. Twilight began to look concerned; she couldn’t seem to catch the elusive sounds like her enigmatic friend. Then finally: Pinkie’s face lit up with joy and she spoke, “Sounds like somepony talking about cupcakes and laughter! Let’s meet them!”

Twilight stared at Pinkie, “Meet them...? Pinkie, are you sure that’s a good idea? We can’t just pull somepony through a mirror! They could be... I don’t know. Maybe they’re evil and this is a very elaborate trap!” but Twilight’s paranoia fell on deaf ears. Pinkie was already frantically fishing for her newest friend.

“I got something!” She yelped, pulling back with all her might. Twilight suddenly heard a rather audible male cry of surprise from the mirror and stared in amazement. The mirror’s surface started to ripple and wave sporadically, Pinkie braced her hind leg against the frame. “Come oooonnn!” she groaned, her eyes shut tight.
Suddenly, Pinkie flew backwards, landing on her rump. “I think,” she said as she held up a small plate with a cherry-topped, pink-frosted cupcake, “my grip slipped.”

Twilight’s gaze shot from the mirror to her friend. “I- I hope he’s alright.” She stammered. Her quill was flying so fast across the page that it threatened to start a fire from the friction. The mirror’s surface returned to its reflective brilliance. She looked back at Pinkie to see her stuffing the cupcake in her mouth.

“He makeff good cupcakeff.” She said between mouthfuls.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Neil quickly opened the two deadbolts on his apartment door. There wasn’t much worth stealing; the extra lock just gave a crucial 2-4 kick delay before being set upon by ne’er-do-wells. Hurriedly, Neil stepped inside and shut the door in his wake. Breathing a sigh of relief, he sat down on his living room couch. He emptied his pockets onto the coffee table in front of him. Kicking off his sneakers, he leaned back into the couch. His apartment was as dreary as ever. The only real nice thing was the couch in which he reclined. This'll probably be the last time you'll ever see this beautiful couch. said a pensive voice in his head.

"You're right." he said out loud. He looked down at the blue cushions and rubbed the arm affectionately. "I'm sorry I didn't give you enough attention, my friend. You've been there for me at every turn. So many nights together, we had such good times. Maybe Shawn can give you the love you deserve."

He did save your life, twice now, the voice said again, the least you could do is give him your favourite couch.

He stood up and made his rounds, saying his farewells to his apartment, his only sanctuary. Everything was ready. They’d find it no matter how this night turned out. He’d “leave this word as a free man...” according to the note. There was an hour, two at most, before they caught his trail and found his haven. He walked into the immaculate closet of a bathroom and sat on the folding chair in front of the mirror.

Neil gazed into the mirror, at the pale, icy-haired shell within. Ignoring common sense, he spoke, “I don’t know if you can hear me, or if you even exist, but I thought maybe persistence would help. Wasn’t sure what kind of cupcakes you like, but hey, it’s pink. I made it myself.” He grabbed a small, plastic covered dish under the seat and placed it on the counter next to the sink. He thought for a while as he gazed at the cupcake, “I’m out of options and I thought you might be able to bring some happiness and laughter back into my existence...”

He unwrapped the dish and held it up to the mirror, “Please, hear me, Pinkie...”

He could feel his last hope ebbing, as well as each second passing. The hunters were invariably on their way to him. His "boss" had seen to that. Of all the hunters in the city, He had to bait the zealous "Seekers of Paradise". Something in his head chuckled, Guess reality has to draw the line somewhere. Sure you want it to end in the bathroom?

As Neil gazed at the broken spirit across from him, the mirror began to lose its brilliance. The surface was getting duller and duller until it was completely opaque, yet it reflected light like an oil slick. He straightened up in his chair, confused, but strangely hopeful. In the space of a few seconds, a pink foreleg burst from the dull surface and grabbed Neil by the arm to pull him and the cupcake into the dark liquid.

His vision was a blur of lights shooting across a vast, black expanse in every spectrum imaginable. Focusing on one light, he spied a gentleman in a blue suit putting on his best smile. In another he spotted a pair of kids brushing their teeth, and a very haggard looking person in the one next to it. The haze of millions of voices emanated from all around him. This awesome sight overwhelmed Neil's initial surprise. He looked to his arm, he still held the plate just as the pink leg held him.

But just as the spectacular light show had to end, so too did the grip of what held him. Neil's wrist slipped from the crook of the leg and he plummeted towards a dark oblong silhouetted with silver, leaving the cupcake behind. Only his reflexes made him brace for impact as his thoughts were probably light-years behind him.

He broke though, landing on something cold and hard on his back. He could only stare at the ceiling, completely dumbstruck. Then "reality" came roaring back into his head. He clumsily staggered to his feet and looked around. His eyes easily saw the jagged cave walls in the low light. Behind him was a pool of water that was just regaining its reflective surface. "With a show like that, I'll take the bathroom to die in any night."

Well I suppose she heard you. Neil groaned, checking under his white t-shirt for any wounds. He found nothing but the recent scars crossing his ribcage. I certainly had a laugh.

"Don't make me come in there after you." He threatened, glaring at the air in front of him.

His left ear began twitching and spasming. I'm shaking. drawled the voice.

Clapping a hand to the offending ear, he headed towards a lighter part of the cave. Concentrating, he invoked the power that dwelt within the blood of his kindred. A few deep breaths brought colour to his languid flesh and his eyes slowly replaced his white irises with green. His heart seemed to groan as it was awakened to fake its function. His teeth always took extra effort so, as usual, he left them as they were; no one would notice anyway.

He stepped forward into the nearly blinding light coming into the cave mouth. He raised a hand to shield his eyes as he slowly made his way towards the open air. It was far too bright out for Neil’s taste, but otherwise, a pleasant day. The sky was clear; the air was fresh and smelled much sweeter than what he had expected. The sun was very high; he figured it must be late afternoon. But where was he? A steep hill sloped away from him, covered in grass and stones. Beyond the hill sat a village, untouched by industry or corporation. Smells nice out here.

“Hope they like strangers...” Neil said to himself. Because "strange" is a mild adjective for you, my friend. He took a cautious step forward onto what looked to be a solid stone. It seemed stable enough. However, after several moments of planning, Lady Luck grew impatient. The stone on which he stood gave a violent jerk, sending its unfortunate occupant tumbling downwards. He, and several rocks he knocked loose, eventually came to a stop in the shade of a maple tree. His head, however, was rather rudely introduced to the trunk of the tree.
_____________________________________________________________________________

“I’m usually all alone up here, Applejack,” said the yellow pegasus in a sweet tone “thanks for coming with me today.”

“Anytime, Fluttershy, Ah know what it’s like t’have t’get away from even yer own critters fer a while.”

The two strolled to a plateau overlooking Ponyville. “The view is so lovely, too.” said Fluttershy. The sun was casting their shadows down the hill as it descended towards dusk. Fluttershy shook her light pink mane from one eye. “It’ll be dark soon, Applejack, maybe we should head home?”

“Yeah,” said the orange earthpony, “Ah wouldn’t wanna have t’pick ma way down in th’dark; too many loose rocks ‘round here.”

Applejack started her careful descent, guided by Fluttershy’s testing of the rocks’ stabilities. The sun continued its journey downward. When the two mares were almost at the bottom, Applejack spotted something under a nearby tree.

“Hey, look, Fluttershy! What’s that over there?” she said, squinting.

“I... I’m not sure.” Fluttershy replied, puzzled as much as the earthpony at the sight. Applejack leapt down the few remaining stones and the two made their way to the tree. Awkwardly sprawled beneath it was something neither of them had seen before. A creature with long limbs and an icy-blue mane, but it wasn’t a pony. From its build, they figured it was at least a male... something.

“Is he... alive?” asked Applejack, hesitantly.

Fluttershy put a hoof to the creature’s slightly gaping mouth, he was breathing but only just. She put her hoof to its forehead, “He’s breathing but he’s burning up! We need to get him inside!”

“Let’s take him to Twi; she might have a book on weird creatures that can help!” Applejack suggested, trying to get him on her back. In a sudden burst of strength and speed, Fluttershy lifted up the strange being in her hooves and flew off to Twilight Sparkle’s library. Applejack, fast as she was, could barely keep up with the pegasus when a living thing needed help.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Fluttershy shouldered open the library door, “Twilight! Come quick, something needs our help!”

The sound of racing hooves emanated from the basement. Twilight opened the basement door with her magic before galloping into the room, ‘What? What’s going on?” Fluttershy zipped past her into the slightly humid basement and laid the creature on the cot Twilight had used on occasion. Twilight ran back down the stairs, Applejack close behind her, as Pinkie sat next to the mirror and watched. Fluttershy was feeling the creature’s forehead again. Twilight walked around her beeping instruments and peered at the creature over Fluttershy’s shoulder as she felt its forehead with a hoof.

“Phew, he seems to have cooled off.” She turned to the purple unicorn, “Sorry to just barge in like this, Twilight.” Fluttershy looked sheepish, Applejack cut in.

“Y’see, there was this here critter lying under a tree by the foothills. Ah think he took a nasty fall an’ whacked his head against the trunk. We couldn’t just leave him there.”

“He felt like he could’ve burst into flames, he was so hot.” said a worried Fluttershy.

“I’m glad you brought... him here.” Said Twilight, still perplexed, “I’ll see if I have any books about non-equine beings that may help.” She looked at the thing in her bed one last time before she sped off back upstairs and began shout for her dragon assistant, Spike. Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, had slipped over to the creature’s bed and began to inspect him in her Pinkie-ish ways. She was mainly nosing it to see if it would stir.

There was the sound of a door opening and shutting upstairs. Rainbow Dash appeared at the top of the stairs. "Fluttershy! I've never seen you fly so fast! How did you-" she stopped dead when she saw the slim figure on the cot. Her jaw hung in surprise as she walked down the stairs for a closer look. "What... what IS that?" the sky-blue pegasus asked incredulously.

Just then came Rarity's sophisticated, yet scolding voice. "Rainbow, darling, you can't just bolt off when I've got several needles pointed at you during a fitting. Aerodynamic jumpsuits need a lot of patience." She passed through the doorway to the basement. "What was so awe-inspiring that you needed to- oh my..." she trailed off as she too saw the pale form. She joined Rainbow and Fluttershy at the creature's side while Pinkie continued poking, prodding and booping various areas of his face.

"I'm not sure what he is..." said the shy pegasus, "Applejack and I found him under a tree. He looked hurt and... here we are."

"Well," Rarity began, conjuring up a cloth and bowl of water, "whatever it is, it's filthy." She started to scrub the dirt from his face.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Neil drew a rasping breath and slowly opened his light green eyes. He lay there squinting at the light hanging close to his head. He licked his lips, “Stupid ravnos moving stones on me...”

He felt his face being rubbed with something wet. He squirmed away from it with a mumble of surprise.

"Oh hush, you're covered in dirt." said an elegant voice with a hint of disgust.

He pushed the damp cloth away from his face and sat up. "Where am..." he went wide-eyed as he trailed off at the sight of the five ponies gathered at his side.

"Don't be scared, you're safe now." assured the pink maned, yellow pegasus. She briefly explained his predicament, "This is our friend Twilight Sparkle's basement. My name is Fluttershy."

The white unicorn's horn glowed and the cloth resumed its cleaning mission. "I'm Rarity." she said with a regal smile.

"Applejack." said the blonde mare with a tip of her cowboy hat.

"Rainbow Danger Dash!" exclaimed the rainbow maned, cyan pegasus as she spun into the air.

“My name’s Pinkie Pie!" The cotton candy pony said cheerfully, “Twilight’s upstairs with Spike.” Pinkie said, indicating the door at the top of the stairs.

Well, this is it. said the voice, The hunters were wrong, Heaven is full of ponies. Neil continued to gawk. He felt a nudge in his right-brain, Say something.

He winced, "My name is... Neil. I uh... know who you are."

The five mares exchanged bewildered glances around the various instruments. But before anypony could ask how, Twilight galloped back down the stairs with a baby purple dragon on her back and a deep blue book floating in front of her. “I found it!” she cried. “Now let me determine his species.” She drew closer to Neil and began to inspect his features. She started at his feet and worked her way up, attempting to find the right page. He kept his mouth closed as she reached face; he hadn’t expected this.

“Couldn’t I just tell you what species I am?” Neil said with tight lips so not to bear his teeth. “I’m human.”

Twilight paused. She flipped through the pages to the “H” section. She was still right in front of his face. “Sorry. There’s no entry for hewman in here.” She returned to her place in the guide. After another minute of inspection, some of it rather ticklish, Twilight finally found Neil’s Hewman entry. “Here we go, Species 4” She read aloud, “Limited glimpses into this world have revealed this species live much like equestrians. However, this species is bi-pedal, and use their forelimbs for various purposes. Their world suggests a hardy nature and extraordinarily robust lungs; it is tainted by alarming levels of toxins, produced primarily by machines used for transport and provision of services. Having no fur, they tend to wear clothing almost constantly. Species 4 appears to have to no magical ability at all, except for rudimentary illusions.”

“I’d say that’s accurate. Though we’re called ‘humans’, h-u-m-a-n.” Oh yeah, 'we'.

“I’ll change it later,” Twilight was positively beaming, “I have so many questions! What do you eat? What do these machines look like? Why can’t you use magic? What was it like getting here?” Each question came with a different expression of curiosity on her face.

“Twilight, please,” Fluttershy pulled her away from the paling human, “he needs rest after the fall he had. Your questions can wait until morning; I’ll take care of him tonight.”

Twilight looked as though she were searching for some defense, but her gaze fell in minor disappointment, “You’re right, Fluttershy. Come on girls, he’s in good hooves.”

Fluttershy sat by Neil’s bed as the five others others trotted up the stairs, Spike still on Twilight's back. Neil noticed a small dish on the floor next to a tall mirror, putting two and two together, “Pinkie Pie!” he called.

She stopped and started bouncing up and down on the spot, “Yeah?”

“Enjoy the cupcake?”

She gave an elated “Mmm!” and hovered in the air a bit longer than possible with a huge grin on her face. She bounced out the door, content with meeting her new friend. The door glowed with a faint purple and swung shut. Neil closed his eyes and flopped back down onto the cot. At that moment, it was the most comfortable thing in existence.

"Exciting first time in Equestria?" Fluttershy asked sweetly.

"Other than nearly breaking my neck, then my skull, fantastic." he replied lightheartedly.

She giggled with him. The two sat in silence for a time, Fluttershy watching the steadily decreasing rise and fall of his chest. “I have a question, if you don’t mind.” She said meekly.

“Go for it,” he said casually, “I’ve got all the time we need.”

“Well, um, when you said you knew us... what did you mean?”

He propped himself up on his elbows, his hair fell in front of his eyes. “Consider this: when the unicorns were looking at my world, who says nopony found a way to look back? And yes, I know only unicorns, and Pinkie, can do magic.” he said with a sly grin.

She blushed, slightly unnerved at possibly being watched constantly, but nodded thoughtfully, “Interesting thought, maybe you should explain to Twilight how you... know.”

“For science!” he added dramatically.

Fluttershy giggled sweetly again, “For now, though, get some rest.” She gently pushed him back down into the cot, “You’re pale and feel a bit chilly.”

Neil’s throat suddenly felt very dry. “I’m fine.” He croaked, “I’m normally like this; I was flushed from being out in the sun too long.”

“Now you’re all hoarse, I’ll get you some water.” Fluttershy got up and headed for the stairs.

His stomach turned over. He choked out his words, “No need, Fluttershy, really. I’ve gotten like this before, I just need to go for a walk; fresh air always helps.” Don’t make me do it here, he thought to himself.

She faced him. He hung his head slightly to cover his eyes with his sapphire veil of hair. “Neil,” she started cautiously, ‘is there something you’re not telling anypony? I’m only trying to help you... You can trust me.”

Out of options, again, he thought. He sat up and gestured for her to sit next to him on the cot. She trotted back over and sat next to him. She tried to see his eyes through his hair, with no luck.

“Please,” Neil sounded very desperate, “tell no one, I trust you.”

“Doctor-patient confidentiality.” She reassured him, with a hoof on his shoulder.

About time. said a very different voice in his head.
_____________________________________________________________________________

"...and I thought you should know. Your faithful and perplexed student, Twilight Sparkle."

The five ponies and dragon stood in a loose circle in the library's brightly lit main room. Spike sent the letter on its way in a wave of emerald flame out an open window. "Are you sure we can trust him?" Spike started, pacing and waving his claws in exasperation. "What if he's a- a changeling spy?! Maybe he's here to steal the Elements of Har-"

"Spike!" interrupted Twilight, "First off, changelings aren't bi-pedal. Second, the Elements of Harmony are locked away in Canterlot, not Ponyville. Finally, why wouldn't a spy simply disguise itself as a pony? There's no reason to pick a species that's never been seen in Equestria before; he's from another dimension entirely."

"But that's precisely why they'd do that!" Spike retorted, "Naturally, the princesses would want to see the new life form. They'd bring it to Canterlot and then it'd steal the Elements with changeling magic!"

Twilight sighed, "I understand your reasoning but the guards know what changeling magic feels like, so they know what to look for at the security stations."

"Besides," said the bouncing pink pony, "who could be evil with cupcakes so good?"

"However," said Twilight, "there was the feeling of something vaguely magical around him. Though that may have been from being dragged through the mirror."

"Maybe mirror-magic has an effect on the tastiness of cupcakes." posed the pink pony.

There was a knocking at the basement door. It opened slowly to reveal their tentative friend. His shaggy mane partially obscured his eyes. Pinkie bounced over and tackled him to the floor, hugging so tightly that anypony would normally be gasping for air within seconds. Pinkie was a bit taller than Neil when she stood on two legs. She hopped off his shoulders and beamed up at him, her snout was level with the bottom of his ribcage at this point. "Good to see humans are so resin- resil- tough." she laughed. "Ready for your 'Welcome to Equestria' party? The first step when moving somewhere new is to make lots of new friends!"

Recognition? Respect? All for ignoring common sense and offering a cupcake to his bathroom mirror? "I.... oh my..." That'll involve people looking at you, bud. His eye twitched, if he could blush, he would've by now.

Pinkie brushed away his trepidation with wave of her hoof, "I get that a lot with my special parties." She stepped off of her new and nervous friend, looking around the library, "Where's Flutters?"

"I'm right here..." mumbled the light-headed pegasus from the doorway. "Just needed a... a lie down after such an exciting day."

The seven made light conversation for a time. The topics were mainly questions born of the ponies’ and dragon’s curiosity of the human world, as well as party planning. Neil did his best to explain the similarities as well as the differences, as in no unicorns or pegasi. Struggling, he eventually thought of an analogy. “Compared to Equestria, my world is like a cave. It’s dark. It can be very cold. It can be terrifying. But once in a while you find some gems, people. It’s those people that can make that world worthwhile.” There was a polite clapping in his head.

Their contemplating silence was broken by a charged sensation in the air. The lights flickered as the space behind Neil became inhabited by a bright magical glow. There was a loud ZAP and a cloud of dust. There was coughing all around, an exclamation of disgust from Rarity and an annoyed "I thought you dusted this morning, Spike!" from Twilight. As the dust settled, Neil found himself snout to snout to snout with the Princesses of Night and Day.