The Villainess Café

by Jay David

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Sonata Dusk, Aria Blaze, Comedy, Other, Equestria Girls, Adagio Dazzle
Length: 4162

The Dazzlings relax and spend some time with other villainesses

By way of some hyper-dimensional mumbo-jumbo, the Dazzlings have made it to the nexus of worlds known as "the Café". Here, they spend some time hanging out with a few not-so-friendly villainesses from other worlds.

And what, you may ask, will result from such a gathering of evil? Well...a lot of complaining, basically.

Published 2016-04-22 22:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-22 22:50:02 UTC

The Villainess Café

When one goes to a café to have a nice and relaxing time, they expect to find many things when they stare out of the window. A peaceful road, maybe a few people eating outside, that sort of thing. What they don't expect to find, however, is a sprawling expanse of twisted dimensions and contorted colours, stretching on for eternity and beyond. But, such was the case here, in this focal point between realms. A café was, needless to say, not something one would really consider to be an appropriate thing to be in such a locale, and yet, it remained. A few patrons were at the bar, casually awaiting their next drink, but, it was in a small corner booth that the true individuals of note were seated.

The Dazzlings, also known as the Sirens of Equestria, sitting quietly and observing all around them. Sonata sat at the end, closest to the bar, with Adagio in the middle. As for Aria, she contented herself with simply staring out of the window for the time being, never letting her eyes stray from the strange shapes and colours beyond. After a long and awkward silence, she spoke what any sane person would ask when faced with such surroundings.

"Sonata...tell me again exactly how you learned about this place?"

To this, her younger sister bore a wide smile.

"Pinkie told me!"

Aria, upon hearing that response, rolled her eyes.

"Right...shoulda guessed that."

Adagio, for her part, had been keeping quiet, staring at many of the other patrons. She didn't recognise many of their faces, but she watched them like a hawk all the same.

"Well...on the plus side, I suppose it is nice to spend time with others like us every once in a while."

Aria chuckled at that.

"Yeah. We just need to be in some impossible nether-realm to do it!"

Adagio frowned at her sister's remark, but was unable to say anything further on the matter, as Sonata, in her usual bubbly manner, spoke up first.

"It'll be even better when the other guests arrive!"

Together, both Adagio and Aria turned to her, bearing looks of confusion.

"Um...what guests?" Adagio asked.

Though slightly embarrassed at first, Sonata soon moved past that and broke out into a wide smile.

"Well, I was looking around the first time I came here, and I found this list of people who come and hang out here, and I got to thinking, why not hang out with them ourselves? Since we don't really talk to other villainesses all that much, I thought it'd be nice to, you know, meet new people and stuff."

The other two stared at her for some time, but, were unable to respond to that, as Sonata suddenly looked as if she had something very important to say.

"Oh! That reminds me! Um...Spoilers! And I mean, kinda big spoilers all around!"

Naturally, her sisters looked to her with confusion at this declaration, leading to Aria looking around to see what she was staring at. But, all she could see was empty booths around the rest of the café.

"Um, Sonata? Who are you talking to?"

Turning to her, Sonata shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

"You know...people?"

A further few seconds of awkward silence between them culminated in Aria slapping her forehead in frustration.

"Sonata...do me a favour...and just go to sleep already!"

Sonata narrowed her eyes.

"Why do you always tell me that?!"

Before there was any chance for a bit of sibling squabbling, the group was interrupted by the distinct sound of somebody clearing their throat. Turning, the three looked upon an elderly gentleman, with bright white hair and a thin moustache. All of them bore looks of recognition, and even a little surprise, but, for the moment, they stayed silent as the figure spoke, in a very noticeable sinister voice.

"Good evening, ladies. May I take your orders?"

The three looked to one another, before, at last, it was Adagio who spoke.

"Um...yes. We'll apparently be having a few guests, so just a few round of coffee will do, thank you."

The man nodded, writing down that order before turning and making his way off. With him gone, the three huddled together, with Aria speaking up first.

"Was that...Price?"

Adagio looked to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey, if you can think of someone better suited to the role of an evil waiter, please, name them."

Aria pondered that for a bit before replying.

"How about...Curry?"

Adagio shook her head.

"Aria, dear, if my eyebrow goes any higher, it'll pop right off my face."

Getting the message, Aria slumped back into her chair, folding her arms in a huff. A silence passed between the three, with Sonata twiddling her thumbs while they waited. Then, after almost a full five minutes, they heard the sound of the front door, by way of the bell that hung above it. Looking to the door, the three sisters saw what was, undoubtedly, their first guest. It was a girl about their age, with dark hair that was tied up into a top-knot. Her garb was a variety of different shades of red, and seemed to be rather militaristic in appearance. She scoured the room, narrowing her eyes as she finally caught sight of the Dazzlings.

"Um...is it me...or did the room suddenly get colder?" Aria commented.

Nobody said anything else, instead watching as the new girl walked towards them, her hands clasped behind her back. When she finally reached their booth, she stared at each and every one of them, before, at last, finally breaking the silence.

"You're the ones who invited me?"

Adagio and Aria turned to Sonata, who, rather obliviously, smiled and nodded to the guest, prompting the latter to give a short nod.

"Very well. I am Azula, Princess of the Fire Nation."

To this, Aria slapped her forehead again.

"Ugh! Another Princess?! We've already had enough of them, thank you!"

Azula chuckled at that remark.

"Oh, trust me...there is only one of me."

The way she'd said that gave them all pause, and after a brief glance to one another, Adagio sighed before gesturing to the empty row of seats across the table from them. Azula nodded, making her way over, before taking the seat closest to the window, right opposite Aria. Another silence followed, which was, needless to say, rather awkward to endure. But Sonata, as ever, maintained her smile, looking to Azula, then to her sisters, and back again.

"Well...this is nice, isn't it?"

All the others looked to her with incredulity, causing her to continue.

"I mean, all of us, here together, just enjoying ourselves. It's...nice...right?"

Azula, remaining stoic, replied to that.

"You know...I had this friend once. I think you and her would have gotten on swimmingly."

Though Sonata squealed with joy at that prospect, Adagio looked to Azula with a frown.

"Please don't. One of her is enough."

A smirk crossed Azula's face, but, mere seconds later, it faded. For something had occurred. Something that all of them could feel. It was a heat of some kind, subtle at first, but then, as time went on, one that grew greater and greater intensity. None of them knew where it was coming from, but, not long afterwards, they turned, looking once more upon the front door of the café. The thing started to glow, as if practically burning, and before long, without giving anybody a chance to react, there was an almighty explosion, with chunks of door flying off in every direction. After ducking out of the way of this destruction, Adagio looked on with a frown.

"What the...?"

But, her as-yet unasked question was soon answered, as there, emerging from the smoke of the explosion, was a towering figure. It took a while, to see it properly, but when it was finally revealed, all in the café widened their eyes at the sight of it. A tall and powerful-looking being, clad in black armour, bearing a skull-faced helmet, with two massive yellow horns protruding from either side of it. A bright green visor surveyed the place before it, before finally setting its sights upon the Dazzlings, and here, Aria stood up, bearing an angry expression.

"Hey! Bozo! Didn't you see the sign out front?! This is a villainess café! Take your space-overlord routine and hit the road!"

But the figure remained, tilting it's head slightly, before, at last, speaking up, in a typically-evil-sounding deep voice.

"What? Oh...right! The armour! Hold on a sec!"

Naturally, all looked on with curiosity at such words, but, it soon became looks of shock that they wore, as, sure enough, something did indeed occur to the newcomer's armour. It became shorter, thinner, and completely changed its shape. As for the helmet, it too shrank in size, with its skull-like front opening up to reveal the face within. Now, all could see who was truly at their gates. A girl, bearing pale green skin and bright white hair, with piercing pink eyes. Her garb was now more akin to a dress than armour, and had a noticeable slit down the thigh, showing off a single leg. And, while not exactly meshing with the rest of the outfit, she also bore a pair of distinct sneakers. Placing her hand upon her hip, this new arrival smirked at her onlookers.

"Try taking a picture. It'll last longer."

The Dazzlings and Azula all looked to one another, all while the new girl approached their booth. After making herself comfortable, sitting right next to a somewhat miffed Azula, the newcomer looked to each of them in turn, before finally speaking up.

"Honestly, the looks on your faces are priceless right now!"

After casting a glance in her sister's directions, Adagio cleared her throat before addressing the girl.

"And who, pray tell, are you?"

Smirking once more, the girl gave her answer.

"Call me...Dominator. Lord Dominator."

But, rather than elicit fear or intimidation, those words only provoked the others into stifling a few giggles. Dominator, frowning at this, leaned forward before speaking up again.

"Is there a problem?"

Aria shook her head, folding her arms slightly before giving an answer to that.

"Oh no...I mean...it's kind of over-the-top for a name, but hey, whatever floats your boat, I guess."

Naturally, Dominator wasn't exactly thrilled with such a response, but, for now at least, did not reply. Because, just like had happened with Azula's arrival, all were now focused on what, in their experience, had to be the arrival of their next guest. There was a shaking in the ground, causing ripples in many a nearby drink. Then, after some time had passed, all recognised it for what it was; footsteps. As one would expect, this led to everybody looking to the remnants of the front door yet again.

"Alright then, let's see who it is this time," Adagio commented.

All of them focused their attention on the gaping hole in the front of the café , and finally, after much waiting, they saw who it was that was making all those thuds. Just as they'd expected, it was a true giant of a woman, far more so than even Dominator had been in her armour. She was a bright yellow in colour and, after ducking under to get within the café proper, could be seen to bear many sharp points all over her body. Her face though, that was human-looking enough, but it looked older than any of them. Her demeanour was that of an overbearing mother, or perhaps a strict school-mistress, scouring everyone and silently judging them as she did so. Eventually, as all before, she spotted her destination.

"Yoohoo! Over here!" Sonata called out.

Though her sisters gave her scowls at that, the deed had been done, and the new arrival stomped over to their booth. Naturally, hers was a harder fit into the seat, and both Dominator and Azula had to scoot over considerably to give her enough room. Once seated, she looked to all of them, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"...Good day."

Her tone was brief and to the point, with quite an edge to it. Dominator, feeling rather squeezed right now, frowned at her before finally addressing her.

"And you are...?"

The figure looked down at her.

"Diamond. Yellow Diamond."

Another awkward silence passed, and at the end of it, Aria looked to Sonata.

"So...is anyone else turning up?"

To this, Sonata shook her head.

"Nope! This is it!"

A sigh of relief escaped both Aria and Adagio, and it was the latter who spoke next.

"Alright then. I guess we should just wait for our drinks now."

And speak of the devil, said drinks were now arriving, carried on a large trolley by way of their previously-met waiter. The older man grinned wickedly at the six before him, before handing out their respective cups. For Yellow Diamond, however, he seemed to have already guessed her more "sizeable" needs, and so brought a cup that was at least five times the size of the others, requiring both hands to even take it off the trolley. After doing so, he gave a respectful bow before, at last, departing. With their drinks here, may of them simply took a few sips, but Yellow, by contrast, looked to her cup with a raised eyebrow.

"And what, exactly, am I supposed to do with this?"

Looking to her Adagio spoke in a deadpan manner.

"It's coffee. You drink it."

Understanding dawned on Yellow's face, followed shortly by a look of slight disgust.

"Ah, yes, consumption of food and drink. You organics and your needs. It is a vile concept."

Rolling her eyes, Aria scoffed before speaking up.

"Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it."

Yellow looked to her with scorn, but, for the moment, instead chose to focus on her cup. Bringing it to her nose, she took a brief sniff, then ever so slowly, took a small sip. There was curiosity upon her face, then, a somewhat begrudging look.

"It's...interesting."

Sonata, having watched this, smiled widely.

"There we go! This is a good start for us! How about we all start talking about ourselves and stuff?"

Naturally, such words earned her incredulous looks from all around her, but, as always, she was largely oblivious to it. As for the rest, they cast brief glances at one another before, after letting out a sigh, Azula went up first.

"Well, as I said, I am the Princess of the Fire Nation. My homeland waged a century-long war against the other peoples of our world, and for a time, we succeeded in being the dominant force of our realm."

Her expression, though prideful at first, soon became bitter.

"But it was all taken from us...by a handful of meddlers...including my own brother. In a single day...we lost it all."

The rage in her voice was evident, and the look on her face made it clear that she cared not to speak of the matter further. Realising this, Yellow Diamond let out a sigh before adding her own voice to the mix.

"I am one of several other Diamonds in the Gem homeworld. Together, we rule over a vast empire, stretching out across many star systems. Our domain is ordered, elegant, and completely efficient."

Like Azula, she too narrowed her eyes.

"But, our time has not been...without incident. A number of Gems, seeking to break away from our influence, have rebelled against us, all to defend some lowly backwater planet. Even one of my own engineers has sided with them recently."

Dominator looked from Yellow, then to Azula, before gazing upon the Dazzlings yet again, clearing her throat before, at last, adding her piece.

"I command a powerful warship, and usually spend my days going around various galaxies, finding nice planets...aaaaand blowing them up."

A silence followed her, during which, all eyes were upon her, with Adagio especially looking as if she was waiting for something.

"...And?"

Dominator shrugged her shoulders.

"Nope, that's it."

The elder Siren looked to Aria and Sonata before speaking up to the green-skinned girl again.

"But...is that it?! No interlopers? No rebels? No...no nothing?!"

As before, Dominator shrugged her shoulders.

"Not really. I mean, there are a few guys who like to get in my way, not to mention this one skeleton dude who majorly crushes on me...but no, nothing really stops me all that much."

Another silence fell, and after a few seconds of simply staring at her, Adagio slumped back into her chair. Aria leaned over, whispering to her sister.

"Do you get the feeling that we're actually the least successful villainesses here?"

Adagio shot her a dark look, shutting her up. But, for the moment, she didn't get the chance to speak, as Azula, having watched them the whole time, leaned forward and spoke in an inquisitive manner.

"And what of you three? What's your story?"

Realizing she was now on the pedestal, Adagio cleared her throat before giving the Princess her response.

"Well, my sisters and I were once from the magical land of Equestria. There, we used our power of song to enchant and sow discord amongst its peoples. But a meddlesome wizard named Starswirl sent us to the realm of humans, turning us into those creatures, and depriving us of the magic we once thrived on."

Adagio grimaced.

"There was a moment, though brief, where we hoped we could regain what was once ours...but...it was taken from us."

Here, Dominator raised a hand, stopping her.

"Let me guess...some meddling kids?"

Sighing, Adagio nodded in conformation. Yellow, meanwhile, looked to each of her comrades, before chiming in.

"Strange...how the youth of our respective worlds always seem to be the ones to cause the most trouble."

A round of nods and murmurs of agreement followed those words, but Dominator, for her part, seemed rather interested in the Dazzlings still.

"Wait...so you tried to conquer the world...through the power of song?"

To this, Sonata frowned.

"Hey! They were good songs!"

Dominator rolled her eyes at that.

"Oh, sure! But don't act like you're the only ones here who can do that. I had a villain song too!"

Here, Adagio smirked slightly.

"Oh yeah? We had three."

Dominator looked to each of the three Sirens, and the similar smirks they all wore, before simply scoffing.

"Ha! You think that bothers me?"

She chuckled in a dry manner, then, while people weren't looking, turned away and whispered to herself so nobody could hear.

"Note to self, sing at least three more songs when I get home."

Looking back to them, Dominator forced another smile, just in time to hear Aria speak up next.

"It's all well and good mocking songs and stuff, but remember, we know just how bad it is to be on the receiving end of one."

Here, Dominator shuddered slightly.

"Ugh! Seriously? Weaponised musical numbers? My enemies do a lot of songs. If they ever made them deadly...ugh!"

Yellow nodded in agreement.

"Preaching to the choir on that one."

There was, for a moment, a feeling of camaraderie amongst the villainesses, but, as was usually the case, it was ended when Azula, at long last, broke the silence she'd been maintaining.

"Really? This is the standard that villainy has slipped to since my day?"

All eyes were now upon her, with many indignant looks abound, prompting her to gesture to the Dazzlings before speaking up again.

"So, we have a glorified girl band..."

She then turned to Dominator.

"...a happy-go-lucky arsonist in space..."

Then, to Yellow.

"...and an over-grown bureaucrat?"

Naturally, all of the other villainesses looked to her with scorn over such remarks.

"Hey! Don't go bashing us! I blow up planets for funsies!" Dominator yelled.

"And I control an entire interstellar empire!" Yellow added.

"And we...were incredibly sexy!" Adagio gave, finally.

The other villainesses looked to the elder Siren, as indeed did her own sisters, leading to Adagio looking rather embarrassed, before slumping her shoulders and sighing.

"It was all I could think of on short notice!"

Shaking her head at this, Aria then looked to Azula, frowning as she did so.

"Well, we may not be all serious and scary like you, but at least our evil doesn't all stem back from some textbook Mommy issues!"

Azula looked to her and narrowed her eyes.

"Oh, no. You do not want to go there, girl!"

Looking to her, Dominator spoke up next.

"Or what? You gonna glare at us some more?"

Turning, Azula's stare intensified against the space-girl, raising one hand and setting it ablaze.

"How about I use some good old-fashioned fire instead?"

But here, Dominator rolled her eyes, lifting her own hands and, to the surprise of all of them there, turned them into glowing globs of lava.

"Er, lava-hands?! Duh! Go ahead and try it, Princess!"

As one would expect, it looked as if a proper fight was about to break out. But, having watched the whole thing, Adagio placed her fingers in her mouth, letting out an ear-piercing whistle, catching the attention of everybody else.

"That's enough! We're here to relax from stressful days of world domination, so it would probably be for the best if you didn't all start threatening to kill each other!"

The other two girls, naturally, grumbled about this, but nevertheless did as requested, turning away from one another and folding their arms in a huff. Many an awkward moment passed since that near-incident, with Sonata innocently slurping on her coffee, while Yellow Diamond looked at her own drink and still looking not quite sure how to regard it. But, after this long and almost-unbearable quiet lasted as long as possible, Aria, letting out a grunt of annoyance, decided that now might be a good time to question Azula once more.

"So...when your guys were writing your show...did they never think to, you know...actually finish the whole Mother subplot you had going?"

Looking back to the middle Siren sister, Azula's eyes widened.

"For once, we agree on something! I mean, I never cared for the woman myself, but the least they could do was finish what they started! They had it all built up, but no! They had to cheat me and everybody else of a conclusion, instead telling everyone to go off an buy some silly comics instead!"

Here, Aria's own eyes widened

"Yeah, I can sympathise. Fans kept on going on about us, but when our comics came out, turns out the creators felt we should just be a bunch of hapless talent-show rejects. I mean, making up dark magic overnight? With no explanation? What the actual hell?!"

With a sense of agreement finally permeating the room, Adagio finally seemed relieved that the conflict that had been brewing was now coming to an end. The silence was broken soon afterwards, however, when Dominator started to speak up.

"You know what you need, Adagio? A nice long session of blowing up a planet. Really helps the stress levels, you know?"

Adagio raised her eyebrows and chuckled.

"Thank you for the offer, Dommy, but I'd rather rule a planet than destroy it."

To that, Dominator rolled her eyes.

"Ergh! Spoilsport!"

But, thankfully, yellow Diamond spoke up next.

"I'm with the Siren. Blowing up planets is such a waste. Better to make them into giant gem-monsters for the purposes of further conquest!"

Looking to her, Sonata took on a confused look.

"But...isn't your show cancelled?"

Yellow looked to her with a frown.

"We are not cancelled! We're just on hiatus. A long...long...long hiatus."

Silence fell yet again, and this time it was short lived, for while all the other girls looked to Yellow in an uncomfortable manner, Yellow herself looked down to her cup. It was empty at this point, causing her to frown yet further, before turning to the barkeep.

"You there! Have you got anything stronger?"

The man behind the bar shrugged his shoulder.

"I think we might do, out back."

Yellow pointed furiously at him.

"Then bring it!"

Needless to say, the guy was soon off like a shot, heading for the back rooms. While Yellow grumbled, Adagio looked to her with curiosity.

"Does stronger stuff even do anything for you?"

Yellow sighed, then shook her head.

"I can pretend, damnit!"

With the mood somewhat soured, Adagio looked to each and every one of her guests, from her sisters all the way to the ladies across the table. Though uncomfortable, it was soon interrupted by a dry laugh from the elder Siren. While all looked to her with confusion over this, Adagio raised her now-empty cup to the rest of them.

"Well...here's to being evil, being thwarted constantly...and being ever more interesting than the goody-goods."

The other ladies all looked to one another, and, after a brief moment of hesitancy, seemed to show that, at least in this, they could agree, culminating in them all raising their glasses and speaking in unison.

"Cheers!"