See, Hear, and Speak: Unseen Clues

by AilingStar

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Starlight Glimmer, Princess Luna, Original Character, Mystery
Length: 6889

Meet Patrick Matthews, private eye. He's seen a lot of strange things. But being introduced to a world full of strange equines definitely took the cake. First part of See, Hear, and Speak.

Patrick Matthews, private eye. In Port City, that name is known by many. To some people, he's a hero. To others, he's a meddlesome rat that needs to be caught.

Just when the latter group believes that they have cornered him, a strange being that calls herself Luna spirits him away to a world far beyond his adversaries' reach.

Too bad for him that A) he's never been to said world, and B) he's in a completely different body.

As if existence hadn't already give him a hard enough time, a case pops up in the otherwise picturesque town of Ponyville. And, of course, Patrick is sent to crack it.

Joy.

Part 1 of See, Hear, and Speak.

Please note: This is currently a pile of solid biological waste product awaiting disassembly and remodeling. It is highly recommended that you do not poison your eyes with the text that follows, despite its grammatical adherence. Seriously, turn back now.

Published 2016-04-27 16:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-19 01:14:58 UTC

Prologue: Before

"Sister... are you sure about this?" Luna asked her sister. Sure, Celestia was an extremely wise ruler, but she had a tendency to fret and worry. "They are in the human world, not even the one that the mirror connects us to! How could you be so worried about them attacking us?"

"Being in another world didn't stop Sunset Shimmer," Celestia responded, "and they are much more persistent than her. I have little doubt that they will find a way into our world, despite there being no feasible way to do so."

"So we prepare our guard for an attack. I don't see how this situation is different from any other."

Celestia shook her head sadly. "Driving them off is not an option. They would just return time and time again. We'll have to take the offensive, and for that we need allies that are familiar with their world."

"But we cannot just take them from their world by force!" Luna shouted. Of course, she knew that her sister had no intention of doing such a thing. She also knew that there was likely no other way to get Celestia to tell her what she was really planning on doing.

True to form, Celestia calmly responded to her sister's outburst. "That's why we are to find candidates who are in dire need of assistance, and would gladly stand against them. Also, you could have asked."

Luna cringed at her slip-up. Even after her release three years ago, she still wasn't entirely used to the 'new' Celestia. "I apologize, I-"

"Don't." Celestia smiled warmly at her sister. "You are still getting used to a completely different time period and a completely different sister. You have nothing to be sorry for.

"Anyway, I was going to ask a favor of you, Luna. Could you be the one to find appropriate candidates?"

Luna faltered. "M-me?! Surely there is someone more suited for this task!"

Celestia shook her head patiently. "That's nonsense, Luna. You are the only pony who can enter dreams and see the true thoughts of the pony - or in this case, human - who they belong to.

"I also sense something strange with this world; its magical field is completely barren, so any pony sent there will have to live off of their own magical reserves for the duration. I am not sure if a lesser pony has enough magical reserves to survive long enough to make suitable progress, yet at the same time it would be nigh impossible to reliably find candidates when disguised as that world's population. Believe me, this is not something we can afford to take lightly. I cannot risk sending anypony but the best."

Luna hesitated. She didn't even know what she would be dealing with. Celestia had refused to say anything about what exactly worried her, insisting on referring to them as, well, 'them'. Still, Celestia had a point; if what she had said about 'them' were true, they would quite possibly have to take the offensive. To do that, they would doubtlessly have to find allies who knew what they would have to deal with, who were used to not having a pool of magic to rely on.

Soon enough, Luna had made a decision. "I'll do it."

Celestia smiled gratefully. "Thank you Luna."

"Thank me if I return successfully."

"Don't you mean when you return successfully?" Celestia playfully responded, returning to her regular, if slightly trollish, demeanor. " I will ready the transportation spell. Luna... stay safe."

"I will, Celestia."

The two princesses nuzzled each other affectionately, then separated. "I would take care of your duties while you are gone," Celestia told her sister as she prepared the spell, "but I am not be able to help our subjects in their dreams. You will have to be sent back here after six hours, but we can repeat this as many days as we need to. You will also be able to return on your own if need be."

Luna nodded. Even if she was on the clock, it was nice to know that a single slipup would not cost her the mission. Her body felt strange, as if she was entering a dream. "Wish me luck!" Luna said as the world shimmered in and out of view.

"*ood lu**!" Celestia's voice was distant, and within moments, Luna could not see her or the castle.

In their place was a cold, imposing location that reminded her of the old dungeons below Canterlot. They two locations were very nearly the same, except that that the rooms here were smaller and instead of shackles, each cell had a bed and a strange, ceramic bowl.

'What purpose does that bowl serve? Humans are strange creatures... or is it I who is odd?' Luna mused, feeling the oppressive atmosphere of the new world.

A thought struck her; Twilight had mentioned turning into a human when she had gone through the mirror, could the same have happened to her? Curious, the princess looked at herself found she was nothing more than an amorphous blob of night sky, much like... the Tantabus. 'This... could be useful, though I would prefer something that did not remind me of that abomination...'

Deciding not to wast any more time, Luna used her amorphous body to slip through one of the vents, out into the strange human world.

<>

"AAAAAAAARRRRGHH!" Luna shouted in her Royal Canterlot Voice as the other three adult princesses looked on. Twilight Sparkle and Cadence had only just arrived after being sent a letter by Princess Celestia, and were quite surprised by Luna's outburst. "It has been a whole month and we still have not found a human worthy of this role, much less one in need of our assistance!"

The assembled princesses looked on with varying emotions. Twilight was terrified of the Lunar monarch, but hiding it surprisingly well. Most ponies would have left by that point, but Twilight was only hiding behind Cadence and Celestia.

Celestia was not really bothered by her sister's outburst. She had heard worse from her, even discounting anything before Nightmare Moon and anything relating to 'prince' Blueblood.

Cadence was just glad that she had left Flurry Heart with Shining Armor. She did not want her infant daughter hearing the words her aunt was currently spewing.

"Calm down, Luna." Celestia spoke, interrupting her sister's rampage. "We know that your efforts have been less than successful recently." She looked around the conference table, specifically at the two more recent princesses. "In fact, that is why I've called you two here."

Cadence rose an eyebrow. "I'm afraid I still don't understand what we're all doing here." Celestia cringed; she may have rushed a bit when writing the letter.

Twilight, upon hearing this, visibly perked up. "Ooh, I have the letter with me!" Celestia rolled her eyes at that remark. Typical Twilight.

Twilight explained the situation in all the detail she had been given, then turned to Celestia. "Was that all correct, Princess Celestia?"

"Exactly right, Twilight."

"Alright, but who exactly are we dealing with?" Cadence asked.

Celestia opened her mouth to respond, before Twilight piped up. "Princess Celestia didn't say, but I did some research on the subject before leaving, and I think I figured out who we're up against."

That got everypony's attention. Twilight quickly took out the notes that she had taken, cleared her throat, and began. "Many years ago, after Celestia imprisoned Luna in the moon, she decided that it would be best to find new bearers for the Elements of Harmony. She quickly found six ponies that the elements would likely accept.

"However, she was afraid that they would not live to see the day the Elements would be needed. So she tried to cast a spell of immortality upon the newly chosen bearers.

"It worked, but at a cost. The spell did grant them immortality, but it also blackened their hearts. They turned against the princess, and with a heavy heart, she banished them to a land far, far away, where they would not be able to return." Twilight put away the notes and once again turned to Celestia expectantly. "They're who you were worried about, right, Princess?"

Celestia blinked, then sighed. "You're correct Twilight. I had not thought of it until a month ago, when the veil between our world began to erode. It was concentrated, intentional. I have little doubt that they are trying to form a gate between our worlds. I would have told you all earlier, but... I'm sorry, it just stirred up too many painful memories."

Celestia started to tear up when she felt a wing on her shoulder. She turned to see Luna warmly smiling. "We've all done things we've regretted. I completely understand why you wouldn't want to speak about it."

Celestia embraced Luna, ignoring the looks from the other princesses. "Thank you Luna."

The embrace continued for a while before Celestia cut it off. She turned to face all the other princesses at once. "This is hardly a good time to dwell on the past. As you may have gathered, we are having trouble finding suitable candidates. I believe that, in this case, three ponies will be more effective than one. I need to stay here to cast the spell, and I am still not sure how the spell will react to normal ponies. Twilight, Cadence, could I ask you to grant us your assistance?"

"Of course, Princess Celestia!" Twilight immediately responded. "I would be honored to help!"

Cadence hesitated for a moment. "I'm... if I was to help, I would probably need to arrange things with Shining Armor and... well, I won't be free for a while or for very long, but I'll help when I can."

Celestia smiled. "Thank you both. Cadence, I wish you well with the empire. Twilight, we'll begin excursions tomorrow. You all may go."

Twilight left first, seeming quite excited about going to see a new world. Cadence talked a bit with Luna, then also departed, leaving the two royal sisters alone.

"So... what were they like?" Luna inquired. "If you don't mind me asking."

Celestia sighed, and began the story, hoping it would relieve some of her pain.

"It began with a filly named Shining Dusk..."

Author's Note

And so starts a new saga written by a new scribe.

I would love critiques. Hate mail is not accepted.

The name 'Dusk Shine' was introduced to me as a one-off joke by The Fiery Joker. I hope you don't mind, FJ.

Edit: Just a few minor changes here and there, changed Dusk Shine's name to Shining Dusk for obvious reasons.

Ch. 1: Bait & Switch

The PI looked at the building in front of him. Every bone in his body and every neuron in his brain told him, begged him not to go in. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't. These were hardly normal circumstances: An anonymous client appearing after a month without jobs (or, more importantly, money), offering a pretty hefty sum to investigate a case in a theater owned by the family that also owned most of the city.

The Lorelei.

Reluctantly, the man walked up to the building and knocked on the door. The eye slot slid open, and a blue eye peered at the investigator. “What's your name?” A command, not a question.

“Patrick Matthews,” the PI responded without a blink, “What's yours?”

The door opened, revealing a well dressed man. “I'm not liberty to tell you that, and you are not here to make jokes.”

“Fair enough, let's get down to brass tacks. Were you here on the night of the incident?” Patrick asked, trying to keep a cool air about him. Although the doorman was well dressed, he was also well built, and could probably wipe the floor with the PI if he wanted to.

“No.” Came the blunt reply. He was telling the truth, or else he was a really good liar. “And before you ask, I am not at liberty to mention any of my associates or our customers. The only witness I can direct you towards is the main suspect – a mute at that.”

Given what he had seen of the doorman, Patrick was inclined to believe him, as the doorman had himself said this was not a time for humor. Still, it did cause him to frown a bit. He couldn't see the main suspect in a case; that, combined with no available witnesses, would make it difficult to make progress. Hardly impossible, but still difficult.

So far, so very bad.

“Alright then, where did this happen?” Patrick asked as he pulled out his notebook.

“Follow me.” The well dressed man led the PI into the establishment. Like with any theater, the main attraction was the stage, and this one, seeming to revel in making Patrick as unnerved as possible, was decked out in the Lorelei's signature colors – blue and seafoam green. Odd choice, but Patrick never questioned it.

Pulling his attention away from the colors, Patrick continued following the doorman backstage, where all of the magic happened, so to speak. However, at this time of day, the rooms were empty. That would make Patrick's life slightly easier.

His escort stopped at one of the doors, marked 1C, and let Patrick inside. “Should you need me, I will be waiting at the door.” With that, he left Patrick at the scene of the crime.

The PI sighed as he looked upon the scene in front of him. It was much the same as any would expect from a very, very bland room, save for the white tape covering the linoleum. Patrick groaned. Ever since he had 'quit' the police force, they had made his new job harder than his old one, getting rid of crucial evidence before the case was old enough for him to take a crack at it. Still, he didn't have to deal with the smell anymore.

He went over the facts in his head before he added new ones to the list. 'March 30th, 18:00: actor Louis Strong and the rest of his troupe performed the Scottish Play (figures), in which he played the part of the mad king himself. 21:30: the show had ended, and Mr. Strong was resting in his room having recently asked an intern, the main suspect, to fetch him a drink. She was held up for some reason, so he had been waiting for quite a while. The moment the suspect had entered the room, Mr. Strong was shot. One clean hit penetrated the head. He didn't have a chance. Police arrived ten minutes later.' Something was bothering him about how quick the police had arrived, but he decided to put it aside for now. Investigating while distracted was a surefire way to fail.

He pushed the stray thought aside and took to looking at the scene. It was so obvious even the lowest-level detective on the force would suggest that the shot had been sniper fire; there was a small window in the that was just at too convenient an angle. And, what a surprise, the window was open.

Outside the window was, if Patrick's research was correct, what used to be a small apartment building. It had been scheduled for demolition the day after the incident, and it was only after demolition was complete that the police force officially considered that there might be a clue in there. To make matters worse, the one person there had been a lone security guard, and he had gone missing the day after. This left a perfect opportunity for the 'guard' to hide a sniper rifle inside the building, then get in and out relatively undetected while leaving hardly any evidence.

The bullet hole in the wall seemed to support the theory. Both the angle and the placement told him that the sniper had to have been on a floor above the window, and the bullet had just barely embedded itself in the wall.

Patrick started to sweat. The case was easy – too easy. The lowest-level detective could figure this out. Yet somehow, the police's activities seemed far more idiotic than he could believe. The exception was their timing, in which they were hypercompetent.

It couldn't be a coincidence, they didn't exist until proven otherwise. Someone had planned all this to happen, pulled all the strings, controlled all the players including himself. Someone wanted him gone, and had the influence to do so. There was only one possibility.

“Lorelei.” Patrick whispered. It all made sense, made such dark, dark sense. He had been on the trail of the crime family during the past month, and now they had found him out. They had sent him a call about a murder, tricking him and his wallet into taking the bait, just to make sure he couldn't plead innocence through ignorance.

Now he was in the most prone of positions. If he was right, the Lorelei would send his previous colleagues to arrest him, frame him for a crime that he only now was involved in. No assassin who could be traced from his death; he was going to die a criminal, as one of the very crime family he had opposed.

JOY.

He didn't try to run. The only thing that could do is delay the inevitable, and it was far more likely to progress it. He sat down on the bed, waiting for the inevitable sirens to start screaming.

He took one last look at the crime scene, hoping beyond hope that there was something he had missed. The bullet hole, the open window, the white tape, the blue ethereal entity...

“...What.”

Patrick blinked a few times. He had to be seeing things, there was no other explanation for the entity to appear. And yet, the entity remained, and worse yet, it started speaking to him. "O hero of Earth... we sense your plight and extend to thee a chance to change your fate.' The voice was cold like the night, but not in an uninviting way. 'We offer you the power required to reveal your captors for who they are, and the allies required to defeat them. Will you accept our offer?"

Patrick didn't say anything. He had just thought up another reason why he might be seeing the ethereal entity; the Lorelei didn't think all they had to accuse him with was enough and wanted to put insanity charges on him as well, just to make absolutely sure he wouldn't be found innocent.

The entity seemed to sense his thoughts. "So be it. We will leave you be for the time being." With that, the entity disappeared just before police sirens could be heard in the distance.

“It's been a good life,” Patrick whispered as he hid his notebook, full of every tidbit of information he had about all of his cases, including those relating to the crime family, “but now my turn in the spotlight is through.”

He heard the door being bashed open. The doorman thankfully didn't seem in on the plot, and there were sounds of a fight. The guy was probably pretty strong, but Patrick knew he couldn't rely on him. Sooner or later, the police would overwhelm him.

In his last moments of freedom, Patrick pulled out his phone and texted a short message to an old coworker and friend. The moment it was fully sent, Patrick threw the phone out the window. He couldn't risk her getting caught. “Good luck, Jayce...” He whispered as police flooded the room.

^^^^^

As cliché as it was, bouncing a ball against a prison wall was serving as a surprisingly good distraction for Patrick as he waited for the trial. It also gave him an outlet for his energy as he thought about what a blithering idiot he had been. “I should've taken what little chance I had,” he grumbled, “but instead of putting my best foot forward, I put my foot in my mouth.”

“Mr. Matthews, your lawyer is here.” The officer guarding him said, startling the PI temporarily. “Come on, let's go.”

The guard, Patrick noticed, seemed to be quite upset about the whole situation. He didn't blame the guy; back when Patrick was on the force, he was apparently quite admired among the officers. He had no idea why he was so beloved, and he refused the praise, but it was present. It must have been hard for the guard, seeing such an admired person arrested.

“At least you didn't have to arrest me.” Patrick quietly told the guard, who turned to face him. There were no more words between them, but he could see many emotions in the guard's face – gratitude, guilt, admiration... it was touching.

The guard opened the door to a room that Patrick was quite familiar with. It was a small, very cramped room that held a terminal used to allow monitored conversation between prisoners and visitors. Never thought he'd be on this side of the camera...

Cameras. That would make it difficult to freely have conversations, even if the guard was on his side. Luckily, the man on the other side was his best friend, Stephan Jenkins.

The dynamic between the PI and the defense attorney was very much like oil and water; they may not be able to stand each others' company for too long, but if you got them together and set them alight, they were a force to be reckoned with. Their sense of justice, hatred for the Lorelei, and love of video games kept them from ever drifting apart.

On the other hand, their differences were used in perfect tandem to make the twosome, in Patrick's words, 'OP'. Patrick would use his attentiveness to gather information on cases and work forensic miracles. Stephan, on the other hand, would use his way with words to make sure things worked out in court. They used their wit in equal measure, breaking cases open faster than a caffeinated squirrel. They also worked on ways to cheat the rules that the Lorelei had put upon the town.

Now was a time for one of their best brainchildren, a spoken code only the two of them knew.

Patrick twiddled his thumbs – up up down down left right left right – and Stephan raised his right eyebrow and blinked twice, signaling comprehension.

“How's the weather?” Patrick asked. Heard anything from Jayce?

“Haven't been outside much, recently.” No, should I have?

“Meh, it's not really important.” No, but it's extremely important. “It's okay.” Lorelei important.

“I see.” %?&@.

“Hey, remember what happened a month ago? That was crazy.” Hey, remember that strange shady thing we saw a month ago? It's back.

Stephan blanched. “I see.”

Patrick cricked his neck, signaling the cessation of the code, and Stephan drummed his fingers together in response. “Yes, well, let's get to our strategy, shall we?” The lawyer asked.

Patrick cringed. He had hoped that Stephan was just posing as his lawyer to get the last bit of information Patrick had on him. He didn't want to get Stephan caught up in this. Of course, saying so was useless. Stephan was as stubborn as a mule, especially when it came to his best friend's safety.

Patrick sighed. “Sure. Let's talk strategy.”

^^^^^

Patrick collapsed upon his cot. It was done. Fini. Kaput. By the next day, he would be dead from electrocution. Joy. And to make matters worse, none of this even had to happen if he had just accepted that thing's offer! And... and...

It wasn't long before he started punching the bed in frustration. “Why didn't I accept that thing's offer?!” He cursed his earlier idiocy. “I wouldn't be any worse off... and... RRAAAAGHH!”

Before too long, the bed, frame and all, was mangled beyond belief. This proved problematic when he realized how tired he was. Sighing, he tried to make the wreckage as bedlike as possible and fell on top of it.

Why had he been such an idiot? Now Stephan would be dragged into this...

Patrick sighed. Nothing to it, not anymore. he rolled to his side and tried to get some sleep.

^^^^^

Patrick woke up in his office. This confused him quite a bit. 'Last I remember, I was in jail... what the heck?'

His musings were interrupted by the door opening, revealing a new - and rather unusual - client. "...I'm guessing this is a dream. My normal clients aren't ponies."

"Guilty as charged." The pegasus... unicorn? The pegacorn responded in a familiar voice as she sat down. "I gather from your expression that you recognize our voice?"

"Yep... you're that entity from the theater, right?" Patrick asked as he sized the equine up. She carried herself with a regal air, as if she was royalty. Her coat was navy blue and her mane and tail looked like the night sky.

"Precisely, though you may refer to us as 'Princess Luna', though if you wish, just 'Luna' will do."

Patrick raised an eyebrow at that. "I... see. Princess Luna, do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

"Normally I would allow it, but I'm afraid that I will soon have to return to my world. With or without you."

"I accept your offer." Patrick said without hesitation or even letting the Princess repeat the offer.

"While I appreciate your eagerness, I feel I must clarify; If you accept our offer, you will be given more power than you have ever experienced. Further, you will be moved to a haven to rest and recover, a place where your adversaries cannot easily reach.

"This comes at no small cost, however. Should you accept this offer, there will be changes irrevocable, ones you may find... less than satisfactory. Do you still accept our offer?"

For a split second, doubts swarmed in Patrick's mind, but he quickly pushed them out of his mind. “...Yeah. I don't really have any choice anymore. I accept your offer.”

Luna nodded. "Very well. This may hurt a bit..."

She was wrong. It hurt a lot.

A jolt of pain came from his spine as it bent into a more quadrupedal stance. His fingers fused together into hooves, followed by his toes. His skull changed its very shape, causing pain so unbearable that he passed out, only faintly aware of one last jolt of pain as his tailbone lengthened.

He now looked completely different, much more equine. "Our first ally of many." Luna whispered as the dreamscape warped and shifted, signaling a transportation between worlds.

Author's Note

Hey all! So, this is my first story here. I try not to judge my own works so please feel free to give me feedback, so long as it's your actual opinion. Hate mail is not accepted here.
Also: Fear Patrick, the Bedslayer. He comes for your mattress.

Edit: A few additions here & there.

Ch. 2: Conversations with Goddesses

Mornings. Patrick's eternal nemesis.

The PI groaned as he sat up on his bed, his head throbbing. "Must've been some party last night... How much did I drink?" He continued to mutter as he got out of bed, his hooves connecting with the floor...

Wait.

He didn't have a bed, he slept on his sofa.

He had sworn off alcohol a year ago. His headache couldn't be a hangover.

And he definitely never had hooves.

Patrick panicked, practically prancing in place from his excess energy, before he remembered his breathing exercises. 'All right, in, out, calm down... first step to solving any problem: examine the situation from all angles.'

The PI looked around the room. It bore an uncanny resemblance to his office. The desk, bookshelves, window, sofa, doors - heck, even the desk lamp and stacks of paperwork on his desk were in exactly the same position as the ones in his own office. yet, despite the similarities, there were still a few differences, more than enough to be noticeable. First, of course, was the bed, a small one tucked into a cranny that used to house his television. The colors of pretty much everything were almost painfully vibrant, especially the once-dull sofa and desk. Both of them, along with a few other things like the door, seemed to be remade for a completely different... species...

Patrick facepalm... err, facehooved. 'Achievements in forgetfulness: you're a different species, stupid!' Sighing, he walked over to the bathroom door, not even thinking about how he was currently walking on all fours. At that point, he just wanted to see what he even looked like. He opened the door and entered... his office.

The shock snapped him out of his groggy daze, and the memories rushed back to him. "...Either I'm dead, or I'm still dreaming."

"It is not your time quite yet, hero of Earth." A familiar voice said.

Patrick turned to his left to see Princess Luna relaxing on the sofa. He quickly regained any composure he might have lost and responded, "Could you please just call me Patrick? I don't really like titles."

"If you wish, Patrick. You had some questions for me, I believe?"

Patrick did. There were so many. Jayce's joking 'are you single?' line came to mind briefly, before it was utterly annihilated. Somewhere outside, something exploded. Patrick ignored it. "Can I have a mirror?"

Luna giggled. "It is your dream, not mine."

Patrick facehooved again, his tail starting to swish behind him in annoyance. How could he be so dense? He quickly willed a mirror to appear, and he saw... himself. No hooves, no extra appendage that he just noticed and was trying not to freak out over, just a perfectly normal human in a badass longcoat. "Um... I think this mirror is defective."

"Are you so sure of that?" Luna asked. "You do not even know what your current form looks like. How would you be able to see it in a mirror inside your own subconscious? You will have to wait until you awake."

"Yeah... I suppose..." Patrick mumbled as the mirror faded. Then it hit him. "Wait, when I wake up?! You mean, I'm actually...!"

Luna chuckled again. "I did warn you there would be changes."

Patrick looked for a retort, but found none. "Okay... could you at least tell me what I am, then? And, erm... if you don't mind me asking, what you are?"

"You are a pony." Luna stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it probably was. "An Earth pony to be specific."

Patrick shook his head, somewhat frustrated. "And 'Earth pony' means... what, exactly?"

Luna sighed. "I keep forgetting that you are not used to our kind... very well, a brief explanations of different types of ponies seems to be in order. If you could summon something for me to write on?"

Patrick willed a whiteboard into existence, along with a few markers of different colors and a rag to erase with. A look of confusion briefly passed Luna's face - had she not seen the things before? - but it quickly passed.

In a few minutes, Patrick doubled over with laughter. Luna really didn't know anything about these things. The marker she had been attempting to draw with had still had its lid firmly attached. The look on Luna's face when she realized her mistake was priceless, and even she couldn't help but giggle a little.

After that, Luna launched into a short-but-informative lecture on the different types of ponies. Patrick wished he could take notes. without them, he could only memorize the basics. 'Unicorns: magic. Pegusi: flight, weather manipulation, quick healing. Earth ponies: boring but practical.'

The lecture diverged into 'cutie marks'. Patrick nearly spewed dream vomit at the name. Apparently, they showed what a pony's special talent was. Curious, he had managed to catch a glimpse of his. A magnifying glass. Typical.

Patrick rubbed his forehead with a hoof as the lecture finished. "Ugh... dream headache..."

Luna seemed to stifle a giggle. "Apologies. it seems our sister's student has rubbed off on us..."

That piqued his interest. "Your... sister?"

Luna nodded. "Yes, as I am the princess of the moon, my sister, Celestia, is the princess of the sun."

"What's she like?" Patrick did a mental facehoof at his rash instincts, sending the sound of it throughout the dreamscape. "I-if you don't mind me asking."

Luna seemed to be having more and more difficulty restraining her laughter. "Not at all. My sister is kind and gentle, too much so at times. She is strict when it comes down to it, but her love for her subjects can sometimes be too blinding for her."

"Sounds a lot like my brother." Patrick relaxed as a faint image appeared near the desk. "He was always too afraid that whatever he was doing might hurt me or someone else." He sighed. "...He was always such a worrywart.

"So, anyway!" He smiled, wanting to avoid that area of discussion. "You and your sister..." Great, what was there to talk about?! "is the pattern of 'Princesses of celestial bodies' ceremonial, or do you have some sort of connection to them?"

"It's quite simple, really," Luna explained. "I raise the moon, and my sister raises the sun."

Patrick's mind imploded, as did the office. "So basically, I'm having a peaceful chat with Mrs. Pony Dream Goddess." He deadpanned as the bookshelves fell over, their contents flying across the room. "Joy."

Luna cringed slightly as The Art of War landed on her face. "We - and by that I mean all living alicorns - do not appreciate being called goddesses. We are far from perfect."

The princess looked as if something else was bothering her, but before Patrick could ask what it was, the room began to literally tear itself apart. "It seems that our time is up for now. Good morning... my little pony."

^^^^^

Mornings. Patrick's eternal nemesis.

The PI groaned as he sat up on his bed, his head throbbing. "Must've been some party last night..." He continued to mutter as he got out of bed, his hooves connecting with the floor...

Wait.

This again.

This time he didn't panic. He knew what he was, and something about the land he found himself in. He did his breathing exercises and inspected his surroundings.

The room was unfamiliar to him this time. Kinda comforting; he knew it wasn't as likely to be a dream if he didn't know where he was.

The room looked quite generic, to be honest. A bed, a nightstand, a dresser, all that jazz. Of course, each piece was proportioned to a pony body and were lined with some kind of crystal.

Before he could continue his examination, the door opened to show a white unicorn mare clad in golden armor, with an axe of a worrying size attached to her belt. Patrick realized that she was likely a member of the royal guard. "Patrick Matthews?" She asked in a surprising tenor.

Patrick nodded without delay. He got the feeling that pissing her off was an extremely bad idea. If her glare was any indication, he already had.

"Princess Celestia wants to see you. Follow me." The guard turned and exited the room and Patrick followed her cautiously, paranoid of angering her.

The sight of some of the rooms they passed through would probably make a human architect giddy. Patrick made a mental note to gawk at it later. Right now, he was busy avoiding his escort's wrath and going over formalities in his head. He knew he was inevitably going to put his fo- his hoof in his mouth at some point during the upcoming meeting, but he wanted to delay that as long as he could. Same applied to earning further ire from the mare in front of him.

After some walking, the guard stopped in front of a pair of ornate double doors. "Princess Celestia is inside. Behave yourself."

Patrick nodded. "I plan to."

The guard didn't respond, she simply left. 'Yep, She is massively ticked off. The second pony I ever meet hates my guts. Joy.'

Patrick took a deep breath and nudged the doors open.

The room was... actually quite simple. It had a few windows on each side and a throne on top of some raised platforms, by far the most ornate things in the room. Sitting on the throne was...

...Oh dear lord she was beautiful. Was it wrong to think that? 'Gah, focus!'

After a few minutes of waiting for her to speak, Patrick decided to take the initiative. "Princess Celestia?"

She nodded in kind. "Patrick Matthews, it is a pleasure. I bid you a warm welcome to Equestria." Her voice was calm and serene, like a mother to her child. "I imagine you have many questions for me."

"Um..." Patrick tried to think of an appropriate question, but, Luna had answered all of his questions when she brought him here...

Wait. "Why would you bring me here? I do appreciate it, Luna could not have come at a better time, but... why?"

Celestia sighed. A nerve had obviously been struck, and Patrick was struggling against his instincts telling him to keep attacking that nerve. "That, I'm afraid, is a tale full of tragedy I would rather not recount at this time. Long story short, we have some... enemies in your world that will stop at nothing to get to us. For the first time in centuries, we will have to take the offensive.

"And that" Celestia turned to Patrick, "is where you come in. In order to combat this foe, we will need to send our warriors into your world in order to combat them. However, we have encountered a few... problems with such situations in the past."

Patrick tilted his head. "What do you mean by problems, exactly?"

"Unfortunately, I am not the best suited to explain those kind of problems." Yep, there it was, the subtle sign showing that Patrick's hoof had irreversibly entered his mouth. "My student was going to be here to give you an explanation, but she seems to be a tad late..."

As if on cue, a wisp of green smoke flew into the throne room. Patrick braced himself for, well, ANYTHING, but instead of something akin to a terrorist attack, a scroll appeared from the smoke. Celestia smiled. "This should be from her. Just a minute..."

However, as Princess Celestia read the scroll, her expression turned from one of joy to one of concern and shock. She quickly replaced it with a more calm facade and walked out of the room. Patrick followed her and the guard from before joined as soon as they cleared the doorway. "I'm afraid our conversation must wait for later, Patrick. There has been an incident in Ponyville concerning my student's protege, and nopony knows what happened."

Patrick tried to keep silent, but his curiosity and altruism won out. "May I be of assistance?"

Celestia smirked. "I was hoping you might ask."

A slight string of laughter escaped Patrick's throat at that, much to the guard's annoyance. 'Oh, well played Celestia. Get me to volunteer for the task.' "I normally don't work for free... but I suppose I'll make an exception here."

"Excellent. Hoof Axe?"

The guard startled at first, but quickly recovered. "Yes, your majesty?"

"I want you and Sixth Sense to accompany Patrick, as well as assist him in creating a more appropriate pony name. The less ponies know about his origins, the better. Understood?"

"B-but Princess-"

Whatever Hoof Axe was going to say, she was interrupted by a quick glare from the solar diarch. "UNDERSTOOD?"

Hoof axe was shaking in her armor, producing an almost humorous clanking sound. "Y-yes Princess..."

The princess nodded as a pair of guards ran up to her. "Good, I will leave you to that. For now, I must return to my subjects. Good luck, you two."

And with that, Celestia turned down a different hallway, the pair of guards flanking her. This of course left Patrick alone with the axe-wielding mare who had once again defaulted to incomprehensible animosity toward the PI. "Come along, 'Patty Cake'," She spat, catching Patrick off guard, "let's find Sixth Sense and get this over with."

It took only a few nanoseconds for Patrick to recover. "'Patty Cake'?" He held back a chuckle at the sheer ridiculousness of the name. "Yeah, I'm not going to be using that name anytime soon."

Author's Note

Sorry I'm being so slow. Taking college classes when you're still in high school is cool, but they still take up a lot of your time. By the time i get this out, Spring term will probably be over. THANK GOD.

Yes, Patrick is One of Them. I will make a note to provide a link to the TVtropes page for mentioned tropes if you want to check them out, but the tropes will usually be self-explanatory in name, so you don't have to. So here's the first (okay, second) few links: Boring, but Practical. Badass Longcoat.

As usual, critiques are welcomed and hate mail will be vaporized (I wish). I especially want comments on the dream sequence, I really think I could have handled it better. Having to self-edit doesn't really help...