Juggling a Life or Two

by WarShipper

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Thriller, Changelings, Original Character, Mystery, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5587

Queen Chrysalis has won! Canterlot has fallen to the Changeling army and there's no longer anybody who can stand in the way of her armies! One problem, though... the Queen isn't exactly in control anymore.

Queen Chrysalis has won! Canterlot has fallen to the Changeling army and there's no longer anybody who can stand in the way of her armies! One problem, though... the Queen isn't exactly in control anymore.

One ex-human will have to deal with one enraged voice in his head, three angry princesses just outside, and all the issues that come with controlling a city you just conquered with an army of insectoid shapeshifters.

On the bright side... well, at least the new body is large and in charge?

Published 2016-04-20 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-30 03:13:36 UTC

1 - Car Crash in Slow Motion

What?

"My love... will give you strength...."

What.

I woke up staring at a pair of ponies - excuse me, a unicorn and an alicorn - who looked like they'd just gone through hellweek. And they're talking. And what's worse is, I actually recognize them.

And I'm... not me anymore. And the Mane Six are right there, Celestia up in her cocoon thing, no sign of the Queen except.... I look down. Yep. Hooves. Big, black, disturbingly alien, hole-filled hooves. I look back at dear Princess Cadence, local pony goddess of love, as she crosses horns with her beau, Shining Armor. A flicker of energy, and -

Nope.

NOPE!

With a single, strong motion of my head, both their bodies are wrenched away from eachother, encased in a bright green aura of sickly magic. I don't know how I'm doing that, but I do know that I just prevented... something.

Well, canon, that is. The canon that states I was about another second away from... disappearing from the show altogether. The universe? Which could be good - imprisonment and eventual reform - or could be bad - instant death via love wave. Or somewhere inbetween. Didn't the Changelings get thrown over the horizon? I'd rather not get killed by falling after getting punched in the face by love.

Never thought I'd be thinking something like that.

You and me both.

"What?"

What? Are you new to this, you little brat? Never stolen somebody's life before?

"Wha - no - I... oh no," I groan and facepalm. Face-hoof, anyway, which actually hurts since Ow, a hoof made of bug chitin crap is a lot harder than my old flesh and skin hands.

"None other than Queen Chrysalis, I assume?" I turn away from the gathered and defeated ponies, keeping a shred of focus on whatever instinct is keeping the Princess and her husband-to-be in my grip - and more importantly, separate.

The very same, an extremely toxic voice sounds off in my skull. Yep. I've got an enraged Changeling Queen stuck inside of my head, while I'm stuck inside of her body.

...this has to be Discords' fault, somehow.

"My Queen?"

I turn around, directing narrowed eyes on the Changeling that's approached. It's odd... it's like if you took a leaf, a xenomorph, and a pony, then mashed them into a blender until you got a very disturbing product.

"What?" I snap, glancing about, looking for another threat. What'll come for me now? The Elements of Harmony? Has Discord really done something and any moment now he'll turn the entire palace into a gingerbread house? Is Twilight preparing to unleash the Want It Need It Spell!? WHAT!?

"I apologize, My Queen, but many Changelings are growing weary of wreaking havoc and we have routed the guards. Your orders?"

Oh. Just... Queenly things. I don't know how to be a Queen -

Obviously.

Shut up. I don't know how to do all this, but... I suppose for now I should just stall. How close to reality is this version of Equestria, anyway? I hope the Changelings didn't kill anybody... it doesn't exactly look peaceful out there. "Start imprisoning everybody you can and securing the city. Post guards for any kind of attack and to ensure nobody is able to escape. And, uh... celebrate. We've done something great today!" The enthusiasm is obviously faked, but the changeling soldier seems to accept it without hesitation.

I pause, mention of prisoners flicking a switch. The Mane Six!

Turning back, I see that they're all surrounded by Changeling guards, sitting about and looking depressed or glaring at me and the guards in rage. Man, this is weird. They really are ponies... Uncanny Valley, thy name is pony.

Whatever. More importantly is - they aren't currently in restraints. They're obviously tired out, beaten up, and down in the dirt, but as far as I'm concerned a Mane Six left free is a Mane Six about the kick the villains' ass.

And considering I'm currently in that ass, I'd rather lock 'em up as quickly as possible.

"Bind and lock up the Element Bearers as tightly as possible," I order, stepping towards the group. "Separate them. No magic, no flying, no teamwork, no tools. I'll deal with them later."

The guards nod along and I ignore the round of protests from said ponies, turning instead towards the pair of Changeling Plan Ruiners floating in my magical grip.

...and wow, that is awesome. I giggle a little, just focusing on making them float up and down at different rates. Magic! I have magic! I let the princess float higher, "stacking" her on top of Shining Armor as they both glare at me, looking equal parts exhausted and in pain. I should... probably do something about that. But magic!

My magic, the Changeling Queen caustically reminds me. Which you stole from me, alongside my body.

I halt my playing, giving a small shrug. "I didn't exactly mean to," I explain under my breath. "Honestly I've got no idea how I got here. Personally, I blame Discord. But that reminds me - we've got stuff to do, right? I wouldn't want to ruin your day more than I already have." Plus, I have no idea just how anybody would react if I suddenly turned around and went, 'Oh, sorry, big misunderstanding. Please don't imprison or kill me?'

Much easier to just go along with things and make the best of the situation. Can't say being a Queen of a bunch of giant bugs doesn't make me feel giddy, anyway.

What did you just call my Changelings?

Uh, nevermind. In any case! Planning!

=-=-=-=-=

So you're an extradimensional parasite.

"I wouldn't call myself a parasite, exactly, but... I suppose? I really didn't mean to do this. On the bright side, I've got some knowledge of this world that I'm pretty sure you don't."

Like what?

"Like here real soon King Sombra and the Crystal Kingdom are going to return, and if I hadn't interfered your entire invasion would've been rebuffed by Cadence and the Guard Captain. Power of Love and all that."

Hmph. That was what they were doing? Ridiculous.

"If I recall correctly, the original timeline version of you referred to it as a 'absolutely lovely, but ridiculous sentiment.' Then you were too busy screaming and getting blasted by a love shield to comment much more. I've got no idea what actually happened to you, hence the panic - for all I know that stuff could've killed us!"

Doubtful. Even they were able to harness love into power enough for a shield, Changelings are rather durable. No doubt we would've merely been scattered to try something else.

"So, question here. Why an invasion?"

...to take control, imbecile.

"No, I mean - you guys... we, that is, we feed on love, yeah? Why invade rather than just, y'know, dip in and out of various peoples lives and get love like that?"

You really are an idiot, aren't you? How would you feel about drifting from random pony to random pony, sucking up love and pretending to be somebody you're not, never even getting the chance to speak to your own kind without drawing suspicion? We Changelings are good at disguising ourselves and draw much of the love we consume from those around who we pretend to be; that has absolutely no bearing on what we want or wish.

The only manner in which we might survive as a discrete entity is by forcefully integrating ourselves into an existing population, and I refuse to bow to some foolish Pony Princesses simply for the sake of survival. We have prepared for this invasion for years, and now that it has succeeded, I will rule all of Equestria as Queen of the Changelings! We will be more powerful than ever!

...or at least, I would've. Then you came along.

I wince. Very evil, but also makes a certain amount of sense. And I can just feel the bitterness and hatred she's feeling for me. Jesus, this'll take some getting used to - particularly considering she seems to be able to sense some fraction of my thoughts. Not everything, clearly enough. Which is a very, very good thing. For a variety of reasons from personal privacy to some of the things I've seen and thought. Particularly regarding -

...I am very glad she doesn't seem to have noticed that.

Noticed what?

"Nothing," I reply. "Alright, so. I have control of your body, and as the new Queen Chrysalis we are now in charge of Canterlot, which we just conquered with an army of Changelings. Now what do we do?"

Tell my Changelings that an imposter has taken their dear Queens' body and must be excorcised.

"Okay, what do we do that doesn't result in my death?"

Go punch ourself in the face until we get dizzy and regret having stolen our regal form.

I rub at my temples, frustrated. "Would you please try to be helpful?"

How about I tell you the long and storied history of the Changeling that invented the toilet? That's bound to be helpful.

"Please don't."

It all started when....

=-=-=-=-=

"Would you care to shut up already?"
Hrrmm... no.

"God you're annoying."
Oh! So two people can think the exact same thing at the exact same time!

"Okay, let's try this again. You defeat Celestia, take over the entire city, and then...?"

I smash my skull into a wall before some ghost can steal my victory!

"Oh for - I'm trying to be helpful, see? I didn't plan or want to do this, you didn't plan or want to do this, but in order to, y'know, actually solve something, we need to get started on solivng it! That simple! And we can't do THAT until we're sure that we're not about to get blasted by a love beam shield thing!"

I still say you totally overreacted. They're hardly Changelings, they can't draw power from -

"She's a Princess, Queen. A Princess of... Love. OF COURSE SHE CAN USE HER LOVE AS SOME BULL AMPLIFIER CRAP!'

No need for the harsh language, brat.

"Y'know what? Screw this. Where's the off button on this thing?"

It's my mind and soul, child, you can't exactly turn me off.

"Watch me!"

=-=-=-=-=

"Okay," I say, staring down at my Second in Command - Dusk Shatter, apparently. "Let's go over this again. A child was able to escape the dungeons?" The Changeling is currently in his natural form, which means form-fitting purple armor, nice and shiny. I'm not completely sure where his horn goes in that helmet - if he even has one - but he does look very impressive.

He shuffles nervously, eyes flitting about for something to distract me. Can't imagine exasperation mixed with frustration is particularly confidence-inspiring on the face of a Goddess-analogy. "Well... yes, Your Majesty. A baby dragon, to be specific. We are of the understanding the creature often worked with Princess Celestias' student, Twilight Sparkle."

I shrug. "Yes, I know. Spike. He knows no magic, is too small to fight effectively, and isn't currently in one of those dragon greed rampages. As evidenced by the fact that we're not dealing with a lizard larger than some castles."

It is very rare to find a castle of less size than a dragon, even those made larger through their greed. Incompetent.

I shrug, redirecting my attention. "Fine. Whatever. Alert the guards to find the little creature. Maybe Princess Celestia will know how to get into contact with him using his flame travel thingy...." I trail off, musing on methods of capturing the undersized monster. Don't exactly want to piss him off by threatening Twilight or Rarity, but he shouldn't be able to leave the city without getting spotted, at the least - he was never particularly graceful for all that he has fingers, if I recall correctly.

Hrm.

"Queen," I mutter to myself. "The Mane Six are -"

Who?

I frown. "The six ponies who bear the Elements of Harmony. They're very good friends with Spike, even if they don't always appreciate him like they should. He's vital if we're going to gain their assistance."

What's this about assistance? How are you planning on abusing my body now!?

I scowl, waving my hand negligently. "I'm not planning on abusing anything, just planning ahead. Those six are some of the most competent and dangerous ponies in the kingdom, and they are very good at handling whatever situations the world throws at them. I can't exactly hand your body or Canterlot back to their rightful owners, but I can try to make things better for everybody involved - including us. I want to convert the Mane Six. They're not going to just capitulate, but if I can convince them that we're not so bad, we might be able to reach some manner of compromise that doesn't end in them grabbing the Elements of Harmony and blasting us with their Friendship Laser until we're little more than a smear of black and green, if we're lucky."

...rather descriptive, aren't you?

"I told you, I've seen a version of events already. The Elements of Harmony are freaking terrifying; I'm just happy they're benevolent macguffins. Anyway, on that topic; Spike, Celestia." I raise my voice, calling for one of the nearby attendants. It's so nice, being Queen - especially when I get to take over this nice, big Thrown Room that already belonged to Princess Celestia. I should have somebody remodel the place to be more fitting for me. "Could somebody bring the Sun Princess to me? I must speak to her." I pause, then continue, "Alone."

There's a bit of nervous shuffling at that, but I'm still supercharged from all the love in the air of the wedding and Celestia has been getting her magic drained regularly since the event in question, so things should be perfectly fine.

In theory.

Five minutes later, and the half-cocooned princess is being dragged inside. Unfortunate, but I suppose a bit of uncomfortable entrapment and transport is pretty much inevitable when everybody knows you literally cart the sun around. Thankfully, her powers on the mortal scale are much more limited, from what I understand.

"Princess Celestia?"

Hrm. Asleep. How should I...?

Let me.

"Hrm? How?"

Just do what I say.

Following her instructions, my horn flares with a spark of magic that I quickly twist into an odd shape, before... oh. A spark of electricity bursts from me into Celestia, forcing her awake in a rather jarring fashion. Not exactly the gentle awakening I'd been planning on, but I suppose it works.

"Princess Celestia," I call, tuning my voice to carry through the hall as my attendants file out. The flanging is an odd effect, but sounds very nice. Very intimidating. "It's nice to see you again."

"What do you want, Chrysalis?"

I shrug. "Love, money, respect, power, monkeys. The usual. But right now I want something specific from you - I need to know how to get into contact with Spike. Twilight Sparkles' Assistant?"

Her eyes widen, and I give a grin filled with teeth. This should go nicely.

Predictably, she scowls and bares her teeth at me. "I will hardly help you find that poor child, fiend," she challenges, looking mad as all get out. That's actually kind of intimidating... or it would be, if she were in a better position. As is, she just looks sort of pathetic - singed black horn, hair and fur all messy, missing crown....

"Now, dear Princess Celestia," I croon, playing up the whole Evil Overlord bit. Not that that's hard to do with the teeth and the voice and the... everything about my new body.

Mine.

Yes, yes, whatever. "All I ask is the way by which I might talk to the tiny creature. Can you fault me for wanting to have a friendly chat?"

"I doubt you're interested in just a chat," she responds. I shrug.

"Doubt all you wish, I simply must talk to the dragon. Now, we can do this the easy way - you tell me right now. Or we can do it the hard way - I make you tell me."

The Princess glares at me silently, and I shrug. "Fair enough, I suppose. Hard way it is."

Now I just need to figure out a hard way.

You're making threats without even knowing what you're threatening?

I grind my teeth, resisting the urge to respond. Can't appear insane in front of the Princess, after all. With a flick of my horn the doors to my new throneroom slam open and a few guards and attendants file back in. I'll deal with Celestia and Spike later, then. For now I've got to focus my attention on stabilizing the situation in the city. If all goes well, I should be able to lock things down pretty tight within a few days and have my less war-oriented underlings begin entering the place.

"Urgent news, My Queen!"

Oh no. I turn to the changeling messenger, glaring at him in an effort to make him spit out his news by sheer force of will. He flinches under my green-tinted gaze, stumbling on the spot before switching to his wings as he flits closer and bows. "What is it?"

And here I thought you had everything under control, Dear Mastermind.

Oh shut up, I seethe.

"Ponies have been spotted outside the city limits! We were able to lock down an incoming train, but three pegasi were able to escape. We believe they're on their way to the nearby town of, uh...." He squints at a small paper floating in front of him, obviously having trouble reading whatever was placed there.

"Ponyville?" I ask, a sense of dread slowly filling my gut.

"Yes My Queen, I believe that's the place."

Just... brilliant.

Isn't that some nowhere village?

"It's the home of the Mane Six," I mutter under my breath, using a head-massaging hoof to hide the motion of my mouth. "I can't imagine anything good is going to happen if that's the first place told we've taken Canterlot."

You're just being a coward, little bratling.

I shrug. "Coward or no, this has ill omen written all over it." I raise my voice, letting the entire court of Changelings hear me. At the corner of my eye, I notice that Celestia was dragged out at some point. Good. "Send our fastest fliers over to Ponyville. See if they can't do something to make the people there think everything is fine."

"Yes, My Queen." Still feels a little weird, being called that. And satisfying, but mostly weird. Oh well, I'll get used to it, I'm sure.

So what do you plan on using my body for now, bratling? I ignore the hostile tone of her voice, focusing instead on my possible options in the immediate future.

"I think... I need to use the bathroom."

...You wouldn't dare.

2 - Adjusting Your Seat

Clop, Clop, Clop. Clop, Clop, Clop. The sound of hooves beating against stone roads is an unexpected accompaniment to my little walk - but not an unpleasant one, considering how I can almost hear a beat in the noise, like the vague potential for music. I give a little hum, then stop abruptly.

...was I about to break out into song?

What? Are you stupid?

I give a hiss of irritation as one of my guards bumps into me, muttering his apologies as he quickly backs off and I take the moment to glance about the ruined streets, stalling for time.

"Seemed like it," I mutter to Chrysalis, mindful of the fact that I'm currently surrounded by a bunch of Changelings who probably expect me to not be insane. They, of course, take my words the wrong way and begin looking about suspiciously, wings buzzing and building up a small draft. I brush a strand of seaweed green hair from my face in irritation.

I hadn't realized that you were delusional as well as stupid and a body-stealer.

Does she really have to insult me every time we speak? Jesus. I shake my head, ignoring my paranoid guards as I approach a nearby shop - what seems to be the remnants of a bakery. Passing through the shattered door, I'm struck by how weirdly dissonant the place is - it's obviously been involved in some kind of fight, but at the same time there's no signs of active looting or destruction. Glass on the counter, a broken till, pastries and bread scattered all around the place. I lift a crushed donut in my telekinetic grip, letting it flip about in my grip.

I see you've discovered the mythical stepped on donut, most coveted of all pastries.

I toss the donut at the wall, watching as it turns into a smear.

"Come along," I tell my guards, trotting rapidly out of the shop building and picking up the pace. "Ossein Trawler, right?" The addressed Changeling perks up, stepping slightly closer so as to better hear me.

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Tell me, what was your role in the invasion?"

"Yes, Your Majesty," He nods, taking a moment to give a professional scan of the surrounding environment. "Upon the destruction of the shield, I was one of those tasked with securing the Elements of Harmony, Your Majesty."

"Oh? And how did that go? It was your group that brought the Bearers to the Palace, if I recall correctly." Which I do.

"Well enough, Your Majesty. It was simple to overwhelm the Royal Guards with our superior numbers and they didn't seem to respond particularly well to the presence of an entire enemy force capable of flight. Coupled with the mass disguise tactics to confuse them and we did very well, though there were some instances of friendly fire."

To be expected from my wonderful little Changelings, Chrysalis mutters in my head, her pride drifting into her link and spiked with a sort of joyful edge. She... feels as though she's besting me, in some way? Yes, like the power of her Changelings is something bad for me.

Odd.

"Friendly fire?" I question, mindful of not pausing for too long.

"Unfortunately so, My Queen. In the chaos of battle, it could be quite difficult to figure out who was and wasn't a Changeling. This wasn't much of an issue later on in the battle, however - when the Bearers appeared. Do you want the details of their subdual?"

I give a little nod, eyeing my muzzle. How do ponies get through the day without staring at these things all the time? I feel tempted to poke it.

"-Sparkle seemed to be the most prominent threat, unfortunately. Her spells were capable of stripping our disguises from a distance and were often significantly disorienting, and whenever she managed to get several seconds uninterrupted she would do something that tended to cause a fair amount of chaos."

Yes, that about matches the reports... problematic, that one, best way to deal with her would be isolation and slow integration....

I pause, glancing at the apparently talkative Changeling in interest. Now that I think about it, there are actually some aesthetic differences between each Changeling. Trawler, for example, appears to have more rigid and patterned chitin than the other guards here, appearing to rise and lower in jagged waves. Out here in the sunlike, it gives his body an odd, distorted profile. Maybe I should dedicate some time to studying how to read Changeling body language and tell the difference between individuals.

"That's enough," I interrupt. "I have an assignment for you, Trawler."

"Anything, My Queen."

What are you planning, brat?

"You fought Twilight Sparkle. She was the only per - pony to notice my infiltration, what little good it did her. We've currently got her locked up, but she's too useful a possible assett to simply keep her trapped. Do you have any experience with long-term infiltration?"

He pauses, seeming vaguely confused. "...uh, no, My Queen. Beg your pardon but I usually left that to less martially inclined changelings. My glamours have never been particularly strong, and I'm weak with voices."

I nod along. "Perfect. You have a new job, then. You are to befriend Twilight Sparkle."

"...come again? Your Majesty?"

Oh, with this again? cease your foolishness, bratling. The ponies must be integrated, yes, but to waste some of my best in a pathetic ploy like this? At least waste your time intelligently.

"You heard me the first time, I'm sure," I hiss, narrowed eyes glaring the rigid changeling down. He salutes rapidly, eyes staring off into space as he halts, instinct overcoming sense. Thankfully the guard behind him stops before jostling his fellow, but the rather abrupt halt to our procession lends my glare rather a bit more weight.

I close my eye, breathing deep and running a tongue along my teeth. I just know I'm gonna end up biting it off one of these days, with how sharp those are....

"Continue," I state simply, matching word to action. "You will befriend Twilight Sparkle. Pretend to be yet another refugee, another pony crushed under my..." Bootheel? Do ponies even have boots? "Hooves," I finish.

Marvelous performance, body-snatcher. Next you'll have my subjects crying... in laughter.

I stomp on a piece of road with more force than strictly necessary, already fractured stone shattering under the force of the strike. "You will provide regular reports, help her with whatever trivialities she attempts, get to know her. And let her get to know you." I can see the question in his eyes, even if he's too terrified and respectful to ask it.

You really shouldn't repeat yourself.

"You shall be our... pony on the inside, so to speak. You have my confidence, yet nopony would ever identify you. Should your cover be suspect, you provide a sympathetic view - a perspective that they will be inclined to listen to. You will be their friend, after all." I halt once more, staring the changeling in the eye. Thinking on it, is this Changeling male or female? I have no idea how to tell the difference.

Male, you imbecile. Can't you tell by the structure of his horn and hooves? Must you crawl under the belly of your fellows just to tell such a simple question?

I shake my head. "We'll discuss this further later. For now, I believe we're almost there."

One of my other guards - I glance over to identify a probably-female, with larger-than-average holes in her legs and a dimmer, less shiny appearance to her carapace - makes a slight noise. "Ah, where would that be, Your Majesty?"

I shrug. "Why, to see the Princess of the Night, of course."

=-=-=-=-=

I must admit I'd been curious just how we made sure that the dark alicorn hadn't interfered with the wedding or the invasion, and promptly asked such questions once I realized I wasn't just having some kind of dream and my life might actually depend on keeping Luna locked up. I needn't have worried, evidently - she was asleep.

"Dost thou fail to understand what ye do!? Our domain is the night itself, foul cretins!"

I give a nod to the small legion of guard changelings, passing through the door to be greeted by the sight of an extremely angry and extremely locked up Princess Luna. She grows silent as I come in, all shadowy profile lit up only by the light coming from the chambers at my back. It gives me a good opportunity to take a look at her.

She looks very... restrained, I suppose.

Eloquent as always.

Oh shut up, we've barely known eachother for ten hours you overinflated windbag.

That may be the first coherent insult you've delivered all night. Congratulations on your promotion from village idiot to town punching bag.

I grind my teeth. Incidentally, Luna was apparently observing me even as I was supposed to be observing her.

"Thou art the queen of these disgusting creatures? Hah! We were expecting something more impressive and less liable to be crushed beneath our hooves like the insects you take after! Thou dare assault the Royal Sisters of Night and Day!? Release us from this accursed contraption so that we may show thee a true battle!"

Oh, this is going to be a headache and a half.

There's a reason I made sure the wedding would take place at day.

I blink, before shrugging. But yes, 'accursed contraption' would be a very apt description. It's less a cage and more... well, a contraption. Chains and manacles and rope, wrapped over and through and under eachother like the demented work of a drunk spider that was also under the influence of some very insane gods. Speaking of, I should get some cheese. Who knows who could be listening in a realm such as this? Best to cover my bases.

What are you rambling on about now? Cheese? Why would you -

"Princess Luna. I'd say it's nice to meet you, but I somewhat doubt you return the sentiment. Besides, we have already met, technically."

Confusion, writ large upon the face of the night sky. "What is this inane babbling, fool? We have never met a foul creature such as you."

I shrug, before focusing on the power inherent to all Changelings. Unbidden, a smirk graces my features, quickly hidden by flames.

"Oh but you have," I giggle, stepping forward as her expression becomes horror-struck. "You wouldn't forget your favorite little Princess, now would you, dear Auntie Luna?"

...truly, I must be evil. And stupid. Why am I gloating? I halt for a moment, just staring into empty space as Luna does... whatever. This is much more important.

Are you just going to continue standing there or will you actually use my body to do something?

I groan, very, very softly. Then the ranting of my prisoner breaks through my sudden burst of self-doubt. "Thou art no relation of mine, foul face-stealing abomination! Discard that false form at once!" Well, no need to tell me twice. I flick the disguise from my form with an absent ring of green flames, focusing on what I came here to do.

"Disguises and threats aside, I've got a question for you, dear Luna." Wow, that's a nasty glare. "What do you get when you've got two celestial objects at a standstill?" Ah, got her there. Well, not so much got, but -

"Thou intend to halt the motion of the sun and moon? Better creatures than you have tried."

I laugh. It's not happy. "Hardly. What I want from you is very simple; I want the sun and the moon to keep moving. Steady motion, twenty four hours of rotation, the whole day and night shebang. However," I muse outloud, "Not that you can tell, I can't do that while I'm also keeping you and your sister drained of their power and therefore unable to challenge me. There are alternatives," At least, I assume there are. "But... much easier to make a deal, no?"

Luna regales me with a very harsh and very spiteful laugh. "Thou wish to make a deal for the sake of sun and moon? Fine then. release our subjects."

I tsk. "No go on that, Luna. Don't worry, they'll be free to wander the city soon-ish, but I don't plan on letting anybody leave. I was thinking something more along the lines of... luxuries. Food, drink, your family and friends. A measure of freedom, not total, but better than...."

I take a moment to eye her restraints, holding her up as though she were bipedal, the manacle around her horn obstructing her sight, a muzzle-like chain around her snout.

"Well. The obvious. We both know you deserve a lot more than such uncomfortable quarters."

Her glare is vicious and I can see her stars glowing brighter in her mane, pinpricks of light exploding and dying in a cosmic cycle. I wonder if she understands astrophysics?

She's the Mare of the Moon, fool. She knows more about the night sky than we ever will.

Hrm. I should talk to her at some point, see if that's true.

Hmph.

"Thy countenance is disgusting."

"I don't hear a no~" I sing, a little giddy. I'd never imagined I would get to be the villain for real. It's actually kind of fun, getting to screw with people. Plus, I am literally negotiating the day/night cycle.

"...fine. You will grant me a measure of freedom and in turn I shall resume the cycle of the sun and moon." Good. Great, in fact, considering I'm prett sure she would've taken up the slack given the chance regardless.

Then why would you waste time making a deal? We've won! The winner doesn't come to the loser and give her all the winnings, you fool!

"In your world, maybe," I mutter.

"What was that, creature?"

"Nothing." I grin, rapping a tendril of magic against the door. "Guards," I declare, "Release the Princess. Set her up in her old room. Don't let her go anywhere without an armed guard. Get her anything non-dangerous she requires. If she -"

"Creature." I blink. "Why doth thou ask this of us and not our sister?"

I grin, teeth glinting as I turn my head and let my wings flitter behind me. "Because you're the smart one, of course."

...Stupid fool.

The door closes behind me.