...Or in other words, you disobeyed Subsection Three-B of the Celestial Lawbook

by The Bricklayer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Random, Adventure, Lightning Dust, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, King Sombra
Length: 2232

When King Sombra returns, it's up to Starlight Glimmer to defeat him the only way she knows how... With Bueracracy

Starlight Glimmer loves rules and laws of all kinds. That would be the first thing anypony would tell you about her. It's almost the only thing she loves more then her marefriend Lightning Dust or equality for ponies. So of course when King Sombra returns and the only thing standing in his way is Starlight, and Lightning, Starlight will defeat him the only way she knows how. That is, with the power of bueracracy!

Just another weird one-shot story from my possibly deranged mind. Not to be taken real seriously. Light Lightning Dust/Starlight Glimmer

Published 2016-04-25 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-25 17:10:01 UTC

Sombra's Most Embarassing Defeat

Sweet Apple Acres:

"So, wait. You're telling me you wanted to become a supervillain and didn't fill out the proper forms?" Starlight asked in disbelief and a bit of anger mixed in with that as she stared down the latest threat to Ponyville in front of her. She really hated when the proper laws were not followed to the letter. It was like Discord personally spitting in her face or Cloud Kicker stealing her marefriend. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad but it was pretty close.

Said threat was a big and gray furred goat like creature by the name of Grogar who for the past few minutes had been ripping up the fields of Sweet Apple Acres for one reason or the other (She really didn't care to know) until Starlight and her two companions had shown up. Besides Starlight herself, there was Lightning Dust clad in a nice suit and tie and Flash Sentry in full Royal Guard attire.

"Uh-huh." Grogar nodded and Starlight facehoofed before turning to Lightning and whispering in her ear. Lightning, if she was still new at being Starlight's marefriend might have blushed but by this time learned to force the "Tomato Syndrome" as she called it down.

"This thing really is a idiot isn't he?" She asked and Lightning smirked as she nodded at her marefriend of one year and a few months before Starlight asked another question, this time a rhetorical one.

"Tell me, what law does..." Starlight trailed off before Flash answered for her. She hadn't cared enough to bother to ask for the creature's name. This wasn't the first time this had happened, nor would it probably be the last.

"Grogar. His name is Grogar if I did my research correctly." Flash answered as he flipped through the pages of a notebook in his hooves. Lightning held a different notebook, this one filled with something different.

"Ah yes, Grogar. Tell me, what law did Grogar break dear Dusty?" Starlight asked with Lightning blushing at the nickname that Starlight had chosen a while back before recomposing herself and answering.

"Section Three-B ma'am." Was what was said.

Starlight smirked as Grogar began to feel distinctly nervous for reasons he could not comprehend.

"So, you disobeyed Section Three-B of the Celestial Lawbook. Do you know what that means..." Starlight trailed off before cursing herself mentally. She'd forgotten again.

"Grogar." Flash answered once more.

"Do you know what that means Grogar?" Starlight asked, and Grogar rapidly shook his head no. Starlight smirked again, this fool was about to get it and get it good. And then she sprung the trap shut.

"It means, you have to fill out... PAPERWORK!"

The resulting scream of horror could be heard all throughout Ponyville and even down in Canterlot. Celestia and Luna shared a smirk. Another one down for the count by their favorite lawyer. In his cell, the former King Sombra whimpered and his cell-mate the Mane-iac laughed her head off. Supervillains never seemed to learn and adapt to the new regime these days did they? It was one thing to get captured and your flank thrown in jail for killing somepony, robbing a bank, blowing up a dam, taking others hostage, etc but it was another to get captured and have your flank thrown in jail because you didn't fill out any forms to be able to do it an officially earn your title as a supervillain or supervillainous. It was just downright embarrassing.

Now, to be honest you and I both know you're probably wondering what in the name of The-Nine-Realms-of-Freaking-Tartarus is going on here huh? Well, for me to really explain any of this we have to go back in time. So grab your personal Tardis, H.G. Wells Style Time Machine or DMC DeLorean and come along with me to a journey back in time...

A few months previous...

Starlight yawned as she stretched her forelegs and rose from her bed. Her mane was a mess, and her eyes had circles under them as they always did this time of morning. Starlight dragged herself out of bed, not unlike a zombie would if they ever slept and walked through the corridors of Twilight's castle/palace/not-so humble abode and down to the kitchen to find her daily drink of coffee if Spike or Twilight hadn't raided it already. If they had, she would not be happy. Thankfully for them, they didn't seem to be up yet which Starlight personally found very odd indeed.

"Hmm... Wonder where they got off to?" She wondered aloud as she took a big swig of her favorite drink.

Then she remembered. Twilight and Spike had said they'd gone to the Crystal Empire for some super important reason. She'd been distracted by something at the time so she wasn't really listening. (What? Ponies being fired for just being Earth Ponies was a important issue!) She just hoped they'd be alright. Trips to that place never seemed to end well and always resulted in some world threatning disaster. She voiced these concerns to Twilight of course.

"Now, I doubt that something will happen this time around. It's not like this is a empirical fact that trips to my sister's kingdom or any time with her always end up with me fighting for my life." Twilight sputtered in shock once she'd been informed of Starlight's... concerns.

"Oh, I beg to differ. Let me make a list. Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra and Flurry Heart." Starlight added dryly.

"Besides that." Twilight dismissed her with a wave of her hoof as she tried to look past the fact that her niece had been referred to as a threat alongside King "Loves Crystals" Sombra and Queen "Stallion Stealer" Chrysalis.

"And that's not to mention the other isolated incidents." Starlight added in as a reply.

"...I see you point, and you've made it." Twilight deadpanned in annoyance. "But I doubt this will end that badly. Luck shines on everyone eventually right?"

"Suit yourself, but when this happens don't come crying to me..."

So, a few hours later Starlight was having lunch at the Hay Burger with her marefriend Lightning Dust. Yeah, that one. The very same Lightning Dust who failed to qualify for the Wonderbolts after creating a tornado. Now, Lightning didn't hold a grudge for that, just a small desire to punch Spitfire in the face the next time she saw her. Starlight on the other hoof could understand how her marefriend being kicked out might have been the smartest choice, although she never brought this up after mentioning it only once and getting a full blown rage rant from Lightning she had no desire to listen to ever again. Nowadays Lightning was learning electric guitar. Starlight just hoped Lightning wasn't foolish enough to hold a concert in the rain and get struck by lightning. She'd heard it could happen.

"...So, there I was telling Twilight about my concerns and she just brushed me off." Starlight complained, as she told her marefriend about yesterday who listened with a bored expression. Honestly, she thought Starlight was overreacting. Wouldn't have been the first time she did about something.

"The nerve of her, right?" Starlight ranted still, and Lightning nodded just to please her.

"Personally, I think Twilight does have a point. Those instances were special circumstances. It's not like every visit to or from Cadence will end with everyone needing a reason to flee for their lives." Lightning deadpanned, and Starlight stared at her in shock.

"You're taking her side? B-but you're supposed to be taking mine!" Starlight gaped, before she found herself unable to form words as Lightning kissed her.

"Nope, I'm just taking the side of rational here." Lightning commented, after she broke the kiss before spotting Flash Sentry walking nearby. He'd moved here after a certain former Captain of the Royal Guard found out about his crush on Twilight and wanted to get as far away from him as possible. But why Ponyville? Well, nopony ever said Flash was smart. Lightning walked over to him with Starlight following, not noticing his nervous look.

"See, I'll bet if I ask a Royal Guard about Twilight he'll say she's absolutely fine."

Flash seemed to trying to look anywhere but at Lightning, who could only groan.

"Uh, Flash...? Please tell me Twilight's okay." Lightning said flatly while Starlight was giving her the "I told you so" look.

"She and her friends may have been captured by King Sombra?" Flash responded nervously before dropping the real bombshell. "A-and he's coming here next with his army of mind controlled minions?"

Of course, once the news broke Ponyville broke out in chaos that would make Discord proud. Ponies ran screaming every which way, and the Flower Trio did their usual fainting routine. Doors and windows were barred shut as children were dragged inside. And in the middle of it all, Mayor Mare tried to keep everypony calm.

"Please, stay calm! The Princesses and the Royal Guards are on route to try and stop Sombra!" She shouted.

Needless to say, it didn't work. The only ones staying calm were Starlight and Lightning. Why, you ask? Well, I shall let Starlight herself explain why she's so calm during all of this.

"We may not look like it, but we've got the single best weapon in the world right now." Starlight stated, and Lightning and Flash both took different guesses.

"Being awesome?" Lightning suggested.

"A anti Sombra spell?" Flash asked.

Starlight shook her head as she chuckled. Both of those answers weren't even close.

"Try again." She said.

"Please don't tell me it's that wishy washy friendship stuff." Lightning muttered while Flash mumbled "I... I think friendship is pretty cool!"

Again, Starlight shook her head.

"Not even close. I'll tell you what we've got. A castle full of books! Old books! There's got to be something in there that could help, I just know it."

At this point, both Lightning and Flash had expressions of dawning realization on their faces as it slowly registered in their minds. Starlight could just hear the gears turning in their before lightbulbs went on with loud dings.

It wasn't that long before Sombra and his army of mind controlled minions, the Mane Six amongst them showed up on the outskirts of Ponyville only to find just three standing in their way. Starlight, Flash and Lightning all with confident expressions on their faces. Sombra blinked shock, unable to form words and thinking he was just seeing things before he burst outright into laughter. Surely this was just a grand old jest by the Princesses?

"Kill them." Sombra ordered, and the minions advanced but Starlight held up a hoof to stop them.

"Ah ah ah." She taunted, as she wagged her hoof in "You're being very naughty gesture" like a mother would do to a child. "First, there's some things we need to go over."

"Things?" Sombra asked, as his eye twitched in annoyance.

"Yes, things." Starlight smirked before she continued. "Did you know for example-"

Sombra groaned loudly as his horn began to charge up a energy beam. Flash took a few steps back and whispered "M-maybe we should reconsider this a bit."

Lightning stopped Sombra from doing anything by putting a special cap on his horn before telling him right to his face "Ya know, it's rather rude to interrupt a lady when she's speaking."

"Thank you Dusty." Starlight replied which Lightning could only answer blushingly "I aim to please." before Starlight asked "Now, if I may continue? Did you know for example that to become a official villain there are forms you must fill out. I did a bit of checking, and as it turns out YOU never filled out these forms."

Sombra blinked before he answered sheepishly "Well... I... I was killed before this could happen!"

Starlight raised a eyebrow.

"Oh, so you came back from the dead? Well, there are forms that must be filled out for that too." She replied cheerfully. Sombra's jaw dropped.

"This is the most dumbest thing I ever heard!" He roared in Starlight's face, but she was unfazed.

"It is true. Now, unless you fill out these forms your magic used since your revival has now been rendered null and void." Starlight smirked, as true to her words Sombra's mind control magic vanished and everypony under his control was now back to normal. Starlight took no notice and slapped some cuffs on Sombra.

"I'm sorry, but if you cannot be bothered to fill out the proper paperwork you have to be arrested. I already filled out the paperwork for THAT." Starlight smiled in a almost evil manner as Sombra hung his head. It was about then Celestia and Luna showed up and after seeing what was going on shared a look of confusion.

"What just happened?" Luna asked.

"I believe dear Lulu, that Sombra was just defeated by the power of bueracracy in action."

END

Author's Note

Okay, let's be honest here. I had no idea what brought this on. Fun fact, originally I wanted Starlight to be paired up with Sunset but I choose Lightning for two reasons. One, I felt I owed it to her after what I did with her in "Once a Time Lord now a pony" and secondly, well why not? What'd you guys and gals think?