Rapping Is Literally Magic

by CalmAndInsane

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Equestria Girls, Main 7 (EqG), Random
Length: 1268

Rainbow Dash wants to write a rap. Sunset Shimmer has an unfair advantage.

Rainbow Dash wants to write a rap. Somehow this leads to Sunset Shimmer explaining how magic in Equestria works.

Warning: Contains rapping, logic, and stupid headcanon

Published 2016-04-20 20:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-20 20:30:01 UTC

Is It Possible To Wear A Wizard Hat Backwards?

Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle were late for band practice. Not that they would really be missing anything, seeing as the first five to ten minutes of each practice was just Rainbow trying to convince the group to do some new song. Some times it was a great idea and wound up being fun, but usually Rainbow would move on to another song by the next practice. That’s why the group had made the rule of “only one new song per week” to try to keep Rainbow in check. Not that it stopped her from trying to convince the girls to ignore it.

“So that’s the basics of pegasus flight mechanics,” Sunset explained as she opened the door, “I never really studied them in depth so that's about all I can tell you.”

Twilight didn’t seem disappointed by this, though she did seem to be looking off into space longingly, “Don’t worry about it, any information you can give me is more than I could find out on my own. I just wish I could go to Equestria and study these things first hand.”

“Arrg! Why is this so hard!” Rainbow yelled, clutching her head and staring down at a very marked up piece of paper.

“So what’s the problem today?” Sunset asked no one in particular.

“The problem is that words are stupid,” complained Rainbow, her head flopping down onto the desk.

“Rainbow wants to add a rap portion to one of our songs, but she’s having a harder time of it than a rattlesnake in a three-legged race,” Applejack explained.

While Twilight tried to puzzle out exactly how a rattlesnake could partake in a three-legged race, Sunset simply nodded.

“Mind if I give it a shot?” she asked.

“Knock yourself out,” Rainbow muttered, holding out a pencil for Sunset with her face still flat against the desk.

“What song are you thinking about putting this in?” Sunset asked, taking the pencil and putting it behind her ear.

“I don’t care anymore,” came the muffled response.

“Alright then. Give me a second,” Sunset closed her eyes and folded her hands in front of her chin. Not ten seconds later she nodded, “Ok, I’ve got it.

We’re gonna pony up so we can pwn you down.

Shut your face or your mouth’s gonna hit the ground.

We’re the Sonic Rainbooms. We ain’t stopping soon,

Beat your ass from morning, night, till noon.

I’m a Sunset, you’d better avert your eyes.

Not a siren, but I still can hypnotize.

Don’t make me angry, ‘cuz I’m a demon.

Think you’re gonna beat me? Ya must be dreamin’.

Don’t worry, we’ll try not to steal the show.

No promises though, so why don’t ya just go?

So now you know, I lay down a sick flow.

Let’s hear some shred. Kick it Rainbow!

With her hand still raised up in the air to punctuate the last line, Sunset looked at Rainbow and said, “And that’s when you launch into the guitar solo.”

The room was dead silent for an uncomfortably long time. Just as Sunset was about to call for help, fearing that she had somehow broken her human friends, Rainbow spoke up.

“Teach me your ways!” She yelled, throwing herself at Sunset’s feet.

“Sunset, darling,” Rarity began, “How exactly did you do that?”

“Well I’ve had a lot of practice,” Sunset shrugged, removing the relentless Rainbow Dash from her leg.

“When? I’ve never seen you rap before,” Pinkie Pie chimed in.

“Back in Equestria,” Sunset stated.

“Wait, so are you telling me that ponies, those cute, colorful little things we saw through the portals during The Friendship Games, have rap battles?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“No… Well, yes… Kind of?” Sunset looked around the room finding only faces that wanted more explanation. Rainbow Dash looked incredulous, though Sunset doubted Dash knew what that word meant. Pinkie Pie was hopping up and down with a smile that said ‘storytime’. Twilight had taken out a notebook and a pen. Even Fluttershy had an expectant glimmer in her eye.

With a sigh, Sunset began her explanation, “Ok, so as you all should remember me telling you, I was born a unicorn. Back in Equestria, unicorns can learn magic, from basic things like levitation to super advanced stuff like moving the sun. All spells have a few similar components though. There’s gathering the energy needed, focusing your mind and will, and an incantation.

“That last part is what’s important. You see, to help shape the magical energy into the proper spell a rhyming incantation is used. Eventually you can shape the spell without it, but when learning a spell or in an environment where you can’t focus it’s common to mentally recite the incantation. So you need to memorize a lot of rhyming phrases if you want to learn a lot of spells. Then, once you reach a certain point, you start making up your own spells, sometimes in the heat of the moment.

“I’m not sure I told any of you this, but I was quite the prodigy. Learning magic was my life. I’ve probably studies hundreds of rhyming pairs and I had a lot of practice making my own incantations. Meaning I’ve, in a way, rapped before.”

“So every unicorn in Equestria is a rap god?” Rainbow asked.

“No, not every unicorn. In fact most aren’t. Only a handful of us learn more than a dozen spells, most ponies just don’t need that many,” Sunset said, “If you want to see what a real wizard can do, ask Princess Twilight next time she’s over. I’m a bit rusty, but she’s using this stuff everyday.”

“Oh my gosh! I just realized something!” Pinkie Pie yelled, “If a unicorn is rapping when they’re casting a spell, than two unicorns having a magic battle are actually having a rap battle!”

“Actually you’re more right than you think,” Sunset smiled, “You know how I said that when you can’t focus you recite the incantation? Well it’s pretty hard to focus when you’re getting shot at. Add in how you sometimes have to change up your spell so that your opponent can’t counter it, and a magic duel comes amazingly close to a silent rap battle.”

“Are you speaking from experience?” asked Fluttershy, “Does that mean you’ve been shot at before?!”

“Relax, Fluttershy. I’m still here, aren’t I?” Sunset hugged the worried girl.

“I can’t believe it,” muttered Rainbow Dash, “Ponies are more gangster than I am.”

Meanwhile in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and Element of Magic, looked up from where she lay, curled up around a book in her bed, and asked, “Why do I have the sudden urge to say ‘Thug Life’?”

Author's Note

I have spent far too much time trying to figure out how magic in Equestira works. Then when I was re-watching "Magical Mystery Cure" I realized that we were told how magic works. It actually comes straight from the horse's mouth, no I'm not sorry, after Twilight reads Starswirl's Unfinished Spell and remarks that "That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't even rhyme!" This means that at the very least a spell is expected to rhyme. And in any universe where Spells rhyme and can be made on the fly, we have rapping wizards. That's where the base for this story came from, though I may have taken some liberties with how rapidly a new spell can be constructed.
-Calm

Next time someone says MLP is for girls, remind them that it's full of rap battles.
-Insane